I was in Sheetz a few minutes ago, buying a Dr. Pepper fountain drink. Why is it so much better over ice, than out of a bottle? I don’t know of any other sodas that fall into that category. Possibly root beer? I’m not sure about that one, but Dr. Pepper is blatantly better as a fountain drink.
Anyway, there was a girl in there with bed head, faces tattooed all over her legs and the center of her chest, and (I’m almost certain) a pair of underwear. That is, underwear with nothing on over it… People were practically bumping into each other, checking out this exotica waiting in line to purchase an Arnold Palmer iced tea.
I tried not to be too obvious about it, but was trying to get a handle on it, as well. I’m not 100% sure it was officially underwear, but it looked like it, and she clearly had nothing on underneath. It wasn’t a bathing suit… it just looked like, you know, panties.
And there were large, intricately detailed black & white faces all over her legs. Underneath each was a name, written in cursive, but they didn’t mean anything to me. I’m thinking relatives? Maybe dead grandparents? I don’t know. There was another big head on her chest, peeking out of the plunging neckline of her shirt.
I’m not totally sheltered. I see all manner of tattooed and radically pierced people, on a regular basis. But this chick stood out from the crowd. One guy nearly turned over a Starburst display looking at her. It was the damnedest thing I’ve seen since that woman with a Quaker Oats box strapped to her head in Greenwich Village.
What’s the most memorable (for better or worse) tattoos you’ve seen on a person?
There was a girl who worked at Everybody’s Pizza in Atlanta years ago, with tattooed kudzu “growing” up both of her legs. I always thought that was pretty cool. I’m not really a tattoo kinda guy, but appreciated the humor in that one.
Kudzu, in case you don’t know, is a super fast-growing plant common in the southeastern United States. People always say not to sleep with your windows open in the south, ‘cause the kudzu will come in and strangle you.
What about you? Do any tattoos you’ve seen really stick out in your mind?
When I was a kid there was a full-blown alcoholic who knew my dad somehow. He was always drunk, and looked like he’d been baked by the sun for roughly 60 years. He was a hideous, unnerving example of a human being. And tattooed above his nipples (he was forever shirtless) were the words SWEET and SOUR. What the hell?? It bothered me as a child, and baffles me as an adult.
If you have anything on this subject, please tell us about it in the comments.
A few nights ago I had a hankering for a good ol’ 1980s slasher film. You know, something really stupid, gory, and entertaining? For whatever reason, they were best during the ‘80s, I think. So… I flipped through the offerings at Netflix Instant, and decided on Slumber Party Massacre.
I’d heard of it, but had never seen it. Perfect! I settled in with a bowl of ice cream (I’m still not drinking for some freaky reason), and hit play. And here are a few quick thoughts:
- The acting was horrible, across the board. Seriously, there didn’t seem to be one semi-skilled actor in the bunch. It reminded me of the stellar performance Keith Hernandez turned in on Seinfeld.
- There was a lot of gratuitous nudity, which MIGHT have something to do with my love of ‘80s slasher films. So-called high school girls would gather at someone’s house, and immediately (and for no clear reason) start changing clothes – all the way down to their knee socks and dinner plate-sized bushes.
- The killer was fairly disturbing, because he looked like a regular guy. And he opted for a big ol’ drill as his murdering tool of choice. Usually it’s a knife of some sort, but this dude carried around a professional grade drilling apparatus. I appreciated his creative approach.
- The movie was released in 1982, and someone used the phrase “freaking out.” Also, “bummed out,” and “crystal meth.” These are phrases I didn’t think people used in 1982, but apparently I’m wrong. Maybe they just didn’t use them in West Virginia? They feel more… late ‘80s to me. But what do I know?
In any case, I enjoyed the movie. It was really bad, but I was entertained throughout. If you know of any other Netflix Instant movies I should check out, please let me know. I watch upwards of six films per year, so I should be able to fit in all your suggestions.
And finally, when I came home from work a few nights ago there was a fun Twitter “hashtag game” going, called #RejectedOlympicEvents. A lot of heavy hitters were involved – professional comedians and the like – and there were plenty of hilarious entries.
This was right up my alley, and I decided to give it a shot. In the past I’ve gotten sucked into these things for hours at a time, but I was tired this time ‘round and couldn’t get fully into it. But here are my meager contributions:
Making Real Fast Circles With Sparklers
Absentmindedly Peeling the Label Off a Budweiser Bottle
The one about sparklers was clearly the crowd favorite, but I like the ‘Sup? one too. The one about the Budweiser bottle was a misfire. Oh well.
I’d like to turn this important project over to you guys now. In the comments section below, please share with us what you imagine are the Rejected Olympic Events. Go ahead, it’s fun!
And this is going to be the last update for a few days. I need to burrow underground again, but I’ll be back on Sunday (possibly), or Monday (definitely).
Have a great weekend, my friends.
Thanks for reading!