Last Night at the Low Bar, and Our Favorite Kinds of Pie

I was really hungry last night, while driving home from work, and knew the traditional bowl of corn flakes wasn’t going to get it done.

I considered going through the Taco Bell drive-thru, for two or three tacos.  But I’m suspicious of that place during the middle of the night.  The people who work there during those hours look like they’re capable of masturbating into ground beef.  Ya know?  Some guys just send out that kind of vibe:  “I bet that dude wouldn’t have a problem masturbating into ground beef…”

McDonald’s was another option, but it doesn’t sound very good to me.  I like their regular hamburgers (without pickles, of course), but they’re not prepared the right way at 2:30 in the morning.  They taste better during daylight hours, for some reason.

Then I remembered:  Waffle House.  For some crazy reason there’s a Waffle House a mile from our house, and I don’t think there’s another one anywhere within a hundred mile radius.  I could be wrong, but they are definitely rare up here.  And the locals don’t understand that it’s more than just a breakfast place.  It’s always crowded during breakfast hours, then fully dead for the rest of the day.

So, I went there and it was completely empty, except for two guys who looked like they were 17 years old.  One was the cook and the other was the so-called waiter.  I took a seat at the low-bar.  Usually I prefer the high-bar, but they were already sitting there and I didn’t want to be forced into awkward conversation.  The cook had been polishing off a sandwich, and the waiter was eating a plate of sliced tomatoes, with a fork.  What the?

I ordered the breakfast special, which is scrambled eggs, hash browns, toast, and two slices of bacon — for $2.99.  I also had a glass of sweet tea, which was actually fresh this time.  Often it tastes horrible during the middle o’ the night, but it hadn’t had a chance go shitty yet.

And the “waiter” talked to me the entire time.  So much for flying under the radar…  He was a nice guy, I guess, but he talked and talked and talked.  And, according to him the sky is falling and raining glasses that are half-empty.

I asked if they have a lot of drunken people coming in, after the bars close, and he looked at me in confusion.  Seriously?  The people around here desperately need a Waffle House tutorial.  They have this resource right in their back yard, and aren’t taking full advantage of it.  That place was MADE for drunken, late-night eating.  Unbelievable.

The food was good, and hit the spot, and the cynical teenage waiter wasn’t too annoying, either.  I don’t understand how someone could be so bitter and pessimistic at such a young age, but whatever.  It was mildly entertaining.

And as I backed from my parking space, I saw him take a few more tomato slices from the bin, and return to the high bar.  The cook was already there, and I knew they’d spend the next five minutes “critiquing” me.  I mean, what else was there to do?  The place was deader than Kelsey’s nuts.  You know, because the word “waffle” appears in the name.

Today is my birthday, for what it’s worth.  My parents, my brother, Toney, and Steve have called to pass along their best wishes this morning.  It was nice, but I’m going to have to cut this one a little short…  I need to hit the Devil’s Parkway already, and return for another heapin’ helping of paradise.

Please remember to use the Amazon links at the site, while doing your holiday shopping.  It really helps me a great deal, and costs you nothing extra.  Just click through any of them, and I’ll receive a portion of whatever you spend.  Here are two, for your convenience:  Amazon US and Amazon Canada.

For a Question, I’d like to know your feelings on the pie vs. cake debate.  This is a leftover from Thanksgiving…  Which do you prefer?  I love both, and wouldn’t want to choose.  Some people seem to have strong feelings on the matter, but I’m not one of ‘em.  What about you?

Also, what are your favorite kinds of pie?  It’s family legend, somehow, that I LOVE lemon meringue.  And it’s true that I like it, but it’s taken on a life of its own, and my grandmother and now my parents and various aunts and uncles associate me with lemon pie.  What the hell, man?  I don’t understand how this got started.  Are you associated with a specific food like that?

In fact, my favorite pie is blueberry.  But I like it cold, right out of the fridge, with some whipped cream.  Warm with ice cream doesn’t flip my switch, it’s gotta be cold.  What’s your favorite?

So, there you go.  I need to go now.  Do with this what you will.  And I’ll see you guys next time.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
Buy Jeff a beer, he requires a beer.

128 Responses to “Last Night at the Low Bar, and Our Favorite Kinds of Pie”

  1. BOOM!

    [Reply]

  2. #1- Pecan
    #2 Strawberry (Shoney’s only please)
    # 3 Coconut Cream

    I am probably one of the few people in the world that hats apple pie. Any fruit pie also, like blueberry, cherry, etc. (Except strawberry). Also hate pumpkin pie.

    Any cake will do, thank you.

    Waffle House is good stuff, but the constant yelling by the waitress bothers me. “You forgot this guy’s sausage!!!! He’s over here eating like a machine! Hurry up with that!” While the entire diner stare at me and watches me eat.

    [Reply]

    Tyrosine Reply:

    Technically coconut is a fruit.

    [Reply]

    AngryWhiteGuy Reply:

    This is true, but it isn’t stuffed into the shell in sludgy regurgitated like chunks, like blueberry, apple and cherry. Perhaps if those things could be blended before being put into the shell, I would like them more.

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    T. Farty McAppleass Reply:

    Fuck apple pie. It’s terrible. Mincemeat too.

    [Reply]

    Uncle_Wedgie Reply:

    You are supposed to let it cool before contacting your wenis

    [Reply]

    clintcurtis Reply:

    Mincemeat…yikes! Is it meat, or what? It just looks gross!

    Also on my list of “No frickin’ way” is rhubarb pie. I make it for my wife and friends and they say it is the best they have ever tasted. Guess I got lucky on the recipe because I have, and never will take a bite.

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    johnthebasket Reply:

    To be fair, the tree that produces the coconut is monoecious, which fits rather nicely into this “go fuck yourself” environment.

    Nobody thinks of coconut when asked about “fruit pies”. As usual, the white guy’s distinction is the reasonable one.

    jtb

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    johnthebasket Reply:

    By the way, should you ever be puttering late at night, wondering how to amuse Mr. Johnson, try reading the Wikipedia article on “Plant Sexuality”. The fucker made me blush.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  3. Happy Birthday! Alas, I shoulda baked you a pie.

    [Reply]

  4. Happy Birthday!

    I like cold apple pie. I know I am in the minority but ala mode, however you spell it, just doesn’t work for me.

    I also like hot chocolate pudding poured over butter recipe yellow cake.

    Don’t flame be bro.

    [Reply]

    Steve in WV Reply:

    *me not be

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    No flaming here – man, that sounds freaking delicious!

    [Reply]

  5. Happy Birthday!!!

    Waffle House when drunk? I think not! When drunk pizza, shawarma, street-meat, and perhaps souvlaki are the foods of choice. Eggs are reserved for the hangover the next morning.

    Also, the rarity of Waffle House in your area could be explained by this: http://www.theonion.com/articles/masondixon-line-renamed-ihopwaffle-house-line,9630/

    I like both pie and cake. Favorite pies (in ascending order) are: Key Lime, Blueberry, Lemon Meringue, Pecan, and Coconut Cream.

    [Reply]

    icecycle66 Reply:

    Heh, street meat.

    [Reply]

    strangeart Reply:

    Methinks you’ve never been to an AwfulHouse at 2 AM anywhere in TN.

    [Reply]

  6. Happy Birthday!

    1. Peach 2. Peach 3. Blueberry.

    You ‘d be pissed and cynical, too if you were working graveyard at the Waffle House in NEPA. I think it’s age independent.

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  7. I’m 99:1 in favor of pie. I like the first two bites of cake, then . . . Pie, on the other hand, good to the last crumb.

    Top pies:
    Blueberry
    Mixed berry
    Chess
    Apple
    Other

    /Happy birthday

    [Reply]

    AngryWhiteGuy Reply:

    I have a closed mind to the pie world. What is Chess Pie?

    [Reply]

    dogberryjr Reply:

    Imagine pecan pie without the pecans corn syrup. It’s basically a sugar custard.

    [Reply]

    dogberryjr Reply:

    Pecans AND corn syrup, that is. So, neither.

    [Reply]

    clintcurtis Reply:

    Tyrosine…I’ve only had Key Lime twice in my life, but it really is good. Not in my top three, but still amazing.

    [Reply]

  8. I don’t think that I’ve ever been to a Waffle House before midnight or after 4am and despite my state of mind everytime I’ve eaten there, I always order the same thing. Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, Pecan Waffle, and Hashbrowns (scattered, smothered, covered, diced and peppered.)

    And I like cake, but love pie. Faves are Chocolate, Coconut Creme and Chess.

    [Reply]

    AngryWhiteGuy Reply:

    Again. I gotta get out more

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    I never heard of “Chess” pie, either, AWG.

    [Reply]

    CADude Reply:

    I just figured it was a typo. Who knew?

    [Reply]

  9. Not big on sweets but definitely pie over cake.

    My Apple Pie is killer. It’s my mom’s recipe. I like it room temp. Then it’s gotta be Peach, Pecan, Chocolate Cream.

    Happy Birfday, Jeff. And many more!!

    [Reply]

  10. There is one ture pie, Apple and ice cream is it’s topping.

    Apple pie akbar! Apple pie akbar! Apple pie akbar!

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  11. What a sad thing that those who live in the upper pirogue belt don’t know the joy of scarfing hashbrowns (scattered, smothered, and covered) at 3 AM while being wildly drunk, in the company of your closest friends you just met at the bar. Perhaps that is something indigenous to Georgia. At that time of night (morning?), WH is best free entertainment around. Everybody’s hollerin and shouting, there’s a constant line at the bathroom, and someone will undoubtably play “The Waffle House Song” on the jukebox.

    For what it’s worth, their apple pie topped with cheese is pretty right on.

    [Reply]

    squawvalleyskip Reply:

    I took an apple pie and a block of cheese to work one night. The guys i work with thought I was fuckin’ nuts. The only one of the bunch who ever heard of such a thing was a Japanese guy who was old enough to have been a teenager in a WW2 internment camp in the central San Joaquin valley. I grew up in Wisconsin. Cheese goes with everything.

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  12. How could I live to be going on 70 and 80 without ever hearing of chess pie? What the hell? Do you pull the Ruy Lopez opening on it and later chase the last piece around the plate, trying to avoid stalemate?

    Is this pie regional, or have I really been sitting in this room way, way longer than I thought? As a former pie judge, I’m afraid I’m going to have to demand to know.

    Thank you for the information.

    jtb

    [Reply]

    dogberryjr Reply:

    I think it’s a fairly southern recipe. I know I’ve never seen it north of Virginia. Good stuff. My favorite pairing is with a North Carolina style pulled pork. Damn, now I’m hungry.

    [Reply]

    Tyrosine Reply:

    Chess Pie: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=chess+pie

    [Reply]

    CADude Reply:

    Smartass.
    Good animation, though.

    [Reply]

    CADude Reply:

    Tyrosine, thank you thank you thank you for that site. It’s going to get a LOT of use, given the dumbassery with which I am surrounded most of the time.

    I’m well aware, however, that one improper use of that site will turn The Wife into The Wrath in about 3.141592 seconds.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Sure, pie time — a half hour later in Newfoundland.

    jtb

    [Reply]

    Tyrosine Reply:

    Anyone can do a ? joke. If you want to impress me do a Fibonacci joke.

    [Reply]

    Tyrosine Reply:

    The “?” was supposed to be greek letter Pi. Stupid unreliable Character Map.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Dude…

    Your joke, your rhubarb (sticking with the pie theme); I only remind you what Eric Hilliard Nelson said about impressing others:

    “It’s all right now
    I learned my lesson well
    You see you can’t please ev’ryone so
    You got to please yourself”

    jtb

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    Seems to me that this Fibonacci stuff is just spiraling out of control.
    .

    [Reply]

    Kevindust Reply:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wS7CZIJVxFY

    Far too complex and too long for you hipsters, this is one of my absolute favorites and truly a brilliant song – with or without mathematical analysis.

    [Reply]

  13. Happy Birthday! Many happy returns!

    I like Cake better than Pie but I do love Pecan Pie

    [Reply]

  14. How else are you going to eat a plate of sliced tomatoes?

    [Reply]

  15. Warm blueberry pie with single scoop of vanilla ice cream. I will eat it cold too, but plain.

    In the young days after a night of drinking it was always a 7-11 red hot beef and bean burrito. Now, it’s always breakfast food, usually at Steak-n-Shake cause it’s close but sometimes Waffle House.

    [Reply]

  16. 3:00 AM Diner run for a bacon & cheese omelet, hashbrowns and rye toast. If you timed it right, you could even get a beer to wash it down.

    Pie over cake

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    didn’t finish… was on the phone with Beloved and he pissedme off but I digress…

    Pies – just about all of them – from fruity to banana/chocolate pudding. We have a place that’s a bit of car ride away but it’s called Grandma’s Pie Shop and my God they are fantastic. But they got very pircey (what hasn’t?) and the started veering off with shit like peanut butter/chocolate cream pie which made my fillings rattle.

    And, it’s not a cake and it’s not a pie but I’d kick a cripple to get to a Linzer Torte.

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  17. Oddly enough, I had dinner at the low bar too last night.

    I was the only customer, and the waiter was not too chatty, and the cook girl snuck out to drink beers with her boyfriend in his truck outside.

    But it was the Other waffle house in the area, just off the exit by Montage / Sno Mountain.

    The Steak pattymelts aren’t too shabby, And the hashbrowns I get with cheese, ham, tomato& chili. Yum.
    If I’m real adventurous I’ll have them throw country gravy on top.

    [Reply]

  18. Happy Birthday! Dig that aarp application out of the bin yet? =-)

    Pie edges out cake by a bit.
    Hair.
    Apple.
    Key Lime.

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  19. Happy Birfday!

    The apple pie & cheese thing fer me!

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  20. Once upon a time I had a diet of nothing but hashbrowns, salted tomato slices, and broild white fish.

    I could shit perfect spheres.
    Boy howdy, those were the days.

    [Reply]

  21. I guess that’s why Obama came to town today….to celebrate your birfday!
    Thanks for the major clusterfuck of traffic on the interstate while he Presidential convoy was tooling around town Jeff.

    I sure hope you didn’t get stuck in it….

    Happy Blueberry Pie Wishes and Whipped Cream Dreams, she said in her best Robin Leach voice.

    [Reply]

  22. Have any of you heard of sweet rice? Heard about it for the first time this week. I think it is a ‘south of the mason-dixon’ line dish.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Not sure if this is the same thing but Mom made a sweetened white rice dish that we ate any time fried fish was served at home. Fried fish, fried taters and sweet rice was the lenten staple.

    Don’t hold me to this but I think she cooked the rice in milk and just added sugar to taste then sprinkled a little cinnamon on top. We’re north of the mason dixon line.

    [Reply]

    JR in Sammamish Reply:

    I think that’s what it is! My cousin-in-law was talking about it. I had never heard of it before. Now I have to make it and chess pie.

    [Reply]

    madz1962 Reply:

    No, never heard of it BUT – my sister used to eat white rice in a bowl with milk and sugar, Kinda like cereal but it was rice.

    And then there’s rice pudding! God, I could go for a big ole bowl of that right now.

    [Reply]

    renn Reply:

    My mother used to call that ‘Rice Soup’ or something like that. It was leftover rice, milk, sugar, cinnamon…and raisins.

    [Reply]

    Jason Reply:

    We used to have rice with sugar, milk, butter, and crumbled bacon all the time.

    [Reply]

  23. Ritz mock apple pie. After that whatever you have handy their all a distant second.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Man, who says alcohol dims the senses. after a dozen vodkas I realize I botched they, there and they’re again. :(

    [Reply]

  24. Happy Birthday! I think I’ll buy you a beer for the first time. Also, LOVE Waffle House after a long night!

    [Reply]

  25. The only Waffle House I ever went to was in Gainesville, FL and they asked me how I wanted my grits. In the fucking garbage disposal, where else?

    Blackberry or Black Raspberry or Razzleberry pie.

    And as for the teenager being bitter and angsty, most are anyway. But this time maybe he’s figured out what so many of us know: FUCKED. WE ARE.

    [Reply]

    Son of Sam Reply:

    I used to go there. Sadly it closed. We’d go after a drunken night at the drag strip. lots of scary folks in that place.

    [Reply]

    sunshine_in_va Reply:

    Big Daddy Don Garlits!

    [Reply]

  26. Boston Creme Pie is my favorite, though it is not a pie and has a lot of custard for a cake, it is rich and delicious with a glass of ice cold milk, every year for myt birthday my wife picks me up one from Freeport Bakery, best bakery in Sacramento and probably in the top 5 for california as a whole. mmmmmm…..

    [Reply]

  27. Cake and pie both for me too. Nobody is mentioning cookies, but I’m a big fan of those too (except Oreos, those damn things are nasty). Cookie cake? I’d kill everyone in this room for a cookie cake right now. When it comes to pie, I wish they’d come up with something else for pecan pie besides that fucking jelly with pecans atop it. I’m sure we can do better than that.

    Hey, why can’t they make ice cream bowls outta chocolate chip cookie? We could eat ice cream and stuff like that out of it.

    Everyone mistakenly thinks that I’m head over heels for mint chocolate chip ice cream. I don’t know where they got the idea. I don’t hate it, but I don’t crave it either. Now it’s my “favorite”.

    [Reply]

    eeyoresmama Reply:

    Ice Cream Cookie Cake:

    Layer of crust pecan sandies, layer of butter pecan ice cream, layer of crushed pecan sandies, layer of vanilla ice cream, layer of crushed pecan sandies, butter pecan ice cream, topped with crushed pecan sandies.

    [Reply]

    Greg Reply:

    Holy Shit!! That sounds delicious! I’m gonna make one for Christmas, and put it in one of those clear glass deals, so you can see the layers!!

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    OOOOH MAAAAN!!!! We do Christmas Eve every year. Kind of an open house for family and friends. I’m doing a dessert buffet with white and milk chocolate fondue. I’m going to making this in a big glass compote! Thanks!!

    [Reply]

  28. The federal government watches waffle houses during storms to see how fucked things are. Apparently, if waffle house is shut down things are really shit.

    [Reply]

    Kevindust Reply:

    Us Canadians have a similar department – the Tim Hortons Branch.

    [Reply]

  29. Happy birthday, Jeff!

    I’ll give a big “shit yeah” for the Boston Cream Pie. Which is actually a cake, so what does that mean? I prefer a good pie over a crappy cake, and a good cake over a crappy pie. How about a rich, moist chocolate cake with raspberry filling, and an espresso or three to wash it down. Or an apple-rhubarb pie with a flaky homemade butter crust. Yes, please to either one.
    .

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  30. This was one of our Waffle Houses recently (apparently drunks and Waffle Houses are well acquainted here):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YKrw-2njeI&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fresults%3Fsearch_query%3Dwaffle%2Bhouse%2Bfight%2Btuscaloosa%26oq%3Dwaffle%2Bhouse%2Bfight%2Btuscaloosa%26aq%3Df%26aqi%3D%26aql%3D%26gs_sm%3De%26gs_upl%3D1109l7019l0l7314l29l25l0l13l13l1l304l2299l1.7.3.1l12l0

    I love cake and pie equally. Favorite pies are coconut custard, pumpkin, lemon icebox, and cherry.

    [Reply]

    Erin Reply:

    Icebox pie? What’s icebox pie?

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    I imagine a hand-rolled butter crust filled with fresh, sweet, in-season iceboxes.
    .

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    For the domestic version, those should be American-made iceboxes. The Chinese kind simply leave you wanting more iceboxes in an hour or so.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  31. Cooking Korner….

    Since some have mentioned lemon and/or lime, I’ll share this. I’ve found that the best way to get good citrus flavor is to use (duh) the actual fruit. Zest is key, because that’s where the aromatic oils are; lemon or lime juice alone is mostly sour. For big citrus flavor and aroma, I get good results by steeping the zest in some juice, or foodprocessor-ing the zest with sugar, depending on the target dish. Some like to take the zest off with a vegetable peeler, but a microplane grater works better for me.
    .

    [Reply]

  32. Am I the only one quoting “Deuce Bigalow” here? ["Cakes and pies! Cakes and Pies!"]

    Sorry, my inner child is a 14 year old boy.

    That said, I actually prefer cookies over cake or pie, unless my friend K is baking. Then it’s definitely her “World Peace Cake”. This is a quadruple layer chocolate cake infused with Espresso and alternately frosted with whipped cream and cream cheese frosting, then covered with a layer of homemade ganache. I’m becoming diabetic just thinking about it.

    [Reply]

  33. i like both cake and pie, i love pumpkin pie with apple a close second. also, there is a waffle house on airport road in allentown.

    [Reply]

  34. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF! And apple or peach pie here. No ice cream on top, that shit melts and gets runny all over and ruins the pie (or cake, never understood the ‘birthday cake and ice cream” thing). Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Home Town Buffet makes the best carrot cake, but go to the ones the seniors eat at, not the welfare ones with the renegade little assholes sticking their booger coated fingers in everything. One piece of pecan pie a year, but that’s best purchased from morbidly obese black women at baptist church bake sales. Eating a chocolate frosted brownie while I type. never used to eat much in the way of sweets, but when I had to give up on the drinking 20+ years back I went crazy on sugary shit. It’s no wonder I gained 30 pounds since I quit working in construction 9 years back and got a sit on my ass job.

    [Reply]

  35. Cheesecake is my favorite with graham cracker crust. PLAIN. None of that shitty fruit gel crap on it. Just plain, please.

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    I make a pumpkin cheesecake and a NY-style one. Both rock. But I can’t eat more than a sliver, especially the NY one, because it’s so rich.
    .

    [Reply]

    MinipedsInNOLA Reply:

    My best friend tried to make a cheesecake for thanksgiving last week and as she removed it from the oven the springform popped and went ALL OVER the inside of the oven and door. She and her mom spent almost an hour scooping it all out and licking their fingers as they went.

    [Reply]

  36. I’m a pie man, myself. Give me a homemade apple pie with actual real ice cream any day over some stupid cake. Unless it’s ice cream cake, which isn’t really cake at all. As for pies, my favorites go like this: Pecan, Apple, Peach, Key Lime, and then that hodgepodge of diabetic coma inducing chocolate/peanut butter/caramel creations that seem to be so damned common this time of year.
    And I miss waffle house. I used to go there with a buddy and have long conversations over cheaply produced meat products and acres of hashbrowns. Now that I’ve moved north, all we have are denny’s around here. And that’s just not the same–though we did have a riot in our local one a few months ago…pretty damned entertaining.

    [Reply]

  37. Apple pie because apples are in my DNA – our family had apple orchards in Germany & paid their taxes with apples.

    These days they are master cabinetmakers…

    http://www.moebel-frohnapfel.de/

    Next is peach (fresh peaches, if you don’t mind).

    Last is coconut cream, a dangerous selection. Every time I see a CC pie I have an urge to hurl it at the nearest carbon-based life form.

    Public Service Announcement: if you like pecan pie, go at once to buy all the pecans you can carry. The price of pecans is about to go thru the roof. (I am not making this up.)

    [Reply]

  38. apple pie, chocolate cake, and of course hair.

    [Reply]

  39. Uh oh!

    http://www.mariettatimes.com/page/content.detail/id/540455/Mister-Bee-seeks-Chapter-11-protection.html?nav=5003

    [Reply]

  40. Happy Birthday Jeff..or as they say in WV, Birfday.” ;)

    Favorite pie is lemon meringue…and I can make it just like my late Mother did. Seriously, my ex-wife said my pies were the most amazing thing.
    Current and ALWAYS wife’s fave is babana cream. Daughter’s faves are cherry for the 17yo, and apple for the 11yo. These people should thank their lucky stars that they have a husband/dad who can bake, fix the house, and tune up the cars! Seriously, Dad’s are so underapreciated until we die!

    [Reply]

    bikerchick Reply:

    My dad was a baker by trade. They called him Baker Bob. One of his specialities people asked for was “Shoo-Fly Pie”. It’s a Pennsylvania Dutch recipe made with brown sugar and molasses. Very oooey-gooey. I didn’t care for it but it was very popular in his bakery.

    After he died, my mom and I found his old recipes, including his Shoo-Fly Pie. Unfortunately, they were written to serve 50+ people and there was no way we could cut the recipe just to make a normal serving or one pie.

    [Reply]

    Joey Jo Jo Reply:

    God, shoo-fly pie is awesome…

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    I should have read about your Dad’s Shoo-Fly pie recipe. It seems that in-between bites you would be busy shooing away a fly or two. Hence the name.
    ***I’m here to learn…

    [Reply]

  41. A belated Happy Birthday Jeff! Enjoy that 49th year. Actually I guess it’s really you’re 50th year, seeing as how we celebrate that number at the conclusion of the year. Just realized that and now I’m fucking depressed, because I’m 49 too, thus actually in my 50th year. I’ve been dreading bday #50, it’s a giant freight train coming down the tracks and I’m standing in the way, paralyzed by fear. Probably pissing myself. Fuck. I guess it is better than the alternative, but damn. My dad’s friends are in their 50′s, how the hell could I ever be that old? An age that starts with a 5, unbelievable. Fuck me. I need a drink. Heaven help me in February, I’ll be a mess.

    Hair pie is my fav as well, so I still got that going for me. Other than that I’ll eat any pie EXCEPT for lemon mirangue. And I’ll eat any cake that has frosting on it, if it’s not that whipped cream shit.

    [Reply]

  42. Happy Birthday Jeff!

    [Reply]

  43. happy birthday jeff!!!

    [Reply]

    dorothy Reply:

    if anyone looks at my picture on the facebook like, i have to apologize—-that is my high school yearbook pic. yak!!1

    [Reply]

  44. Happy Birthday Jeff!!

    Definitely cake. If its pie it has to be fruit, no cream or pudding and definitely not nuts or shoo fly.

    [Reply]

  45. Happy Birthday Jeff!

    [Reply]

  46. Happy birthday, Jeff!
    And I only like home made cake, store bought makes me feel ill with all that fake frosting. Pies? I’ll try anything as long as there aren’t nuts. Allergies to nuts cut down on my ability to scarf down desserts with wild abandon (probably a good thing in the long run).

    [Reply]

  47. Belated happy happy.

    cake

    [Reply]

  48. Good times from the weekend:
    Pricelining the Millenium hotel in Cincy for 65 bucks total.
    Breaking their squeaky ass bed teaching that bed a lesson about the birds and the bees.
    My ex girlfriend posting a comment on the picture of the bed that my current girlfriend posted on FB.

    Also, adding Michigan to the states I’ve had sex in.

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    Um, t-storm, Cincy is a little south of Michigan. Just trying to help.

    jtb

    [Reply]

    t-storm Reply:

    True true. But the flight from Louisville to Oklahoma by way of Detroit was delayed by weather so Delta put us in the least western for the night.

    Total trip was:

    Oklahoma City to Atlanta to Louisville to Marietta, OH to Cincinnati to Louisville to Detroit to Memphis to Oklahoma City.

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    I think the least western point in North America would be St. John’s, Newfoundland or thereabouts. But see http://www.city-data.com/picfilesc/picc6756.php
    .

    [Reply]

  49. I am not a cake person, at all. I prefer pie. I like all kinds, but blackberry and Dutch apple are my favs. Where I am from originally in Michigan, we serve apple pie warm with edam cheese on top. My husband, who is from Mass, thinks this is the nastiest thing he has every seen.

    [Reply]

  50. Jeff…

    I want to wish you the happiest of 49th birthdays. This means that, if you are statistically average, you still have a year before your penis begins going south. Actually, the problem is its reluctance to go north at the rate it used to. There are many ways to compensate for this organ failure, including becoming more rigid about your beliefs and telling kids to get off your lawn.

    I have a feeling your new book will be a treat and a success. It would be great if you published it before your 50th birthday. That way you would have at least three decades to enjoy its bright karma while you write sequels and spinn-offs.

    A person can ask little more for his birthday than to be surrounded by people who love him. Sounds like you’re getting that. Everything else is gravy.

    best wishes…

    John

    [Reply]

    AngryWhiteGuy Reply:

    On the other end of the spectrum, mine still going north all the time, but probably due to the hot 33 year old child bride, who I maried when she was 18.

    JTB, I liked the use of the word “rigid” in your reply. Very clever.

    [Reply]

  51. For my friends in Picksburgh, I felt I should pass this along…
    http://cincinnati.com/blogs/daugherty/2011/12/02/the-morning-line-122-3/

    [Reply]

  52. No goddamned cake or pie for me; can’t stand sweets.

    I’m in a sorta hip restaurant here in Shitsburgh that plays sometimes decent music. However, about 20 minutes ago, they played some kinda modern jazz bullshit cover of Fugazi’s “Waiting Room.” What the hell?

    Happy belated Barfday, Jeff!

    [Reply]

    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Can’t stand sweets?
    You’re not from around here are you?

    [Reply]

    Ian the Errolite Reply:

    Since when were pies sweet?

    ‘Blech!’

    http://www.dalbeattiefinefoods.co.uk/product-Individual-Scotch-Pies-47.html

    [Reply]

    Rat Bastard Reply:

    I grew up going to bars with my Grandfather. Bar snacks were my junkfood: beef jerky, slim jims, and potato chips. Ruined me for sweets…

    [Reply]

  53. I had a pizza pie for lunch today! I think THAT’S my favorite pie.

    [Reply]

    WB in OH Reply:

    Good call. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, thats amore!

    [Reply]

  54. Jeff…

    I’d sing Happy Birthday to you, but with my voice the only key I can sing in is F-shart.

    Hope it was relaxing and wonderful.

    jtb

    [Reply]

  55. So, I’m only 32 days older than you . . .Happy Birthday, Jeff. Welcome to the 49er club . . . seems to be a few of us here.

    Glad to say no AARP stuff has arrived for either myself or the husband (49!). I must have fallen off that radar. Hope that stuff doesn’t arrive ‘tll I’m 59!

    Pie – Dutch Apple with real vanilla ice cream on the side.

    Cake – Right now I’m loving Costco sheet cakes . . . the frosting is sooooo sweet and creamy.

    [Reply]

  56. My favorite birthdays were 0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34 and 55.

    (yeah, I had two parties that year — what of it?)
    jtb

    [Reply]

  57. Happy birthday. My next one has a zero in it. I hate those.

    Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with chocolate shavings on top. MMMMMMM!!1

    [Reply]

  58. Cake seems like a ceremonial offering. It always shows up at Birthdays, weddings, retirements and deaths. Kind of a “Life Cycle” food…ya know? Pie is more of a utilitarian affair based on what to do with too much of something.. Years ago,In several areas of the country, there were what was known as a “Pie Glut Area”. At each edge of town on the road comming in, billboards were erected to proclaim, ” Fuck you AND your pie”…to let visitors know there was plenty of pie around due to recent backyard harvests.

    I’ve never had a pear pie. Is there a reason for not making pear pies? Around New Mexico we get what’s called a “Frito Pie”…Fritos in the bottom of the bowl…etc. here’s the wickadickyehaa take on it…I make my own with my chilli and bule corn tortilla chips and roasted green chiles…yum.

    Pies…1) Dutch apple /w chedder cheese (although I’m gonna try Swiss one day)
    2) Peach
    3) Strawberry
    4) Blueberry

    Cake…1) Pound cake and peaches or…strawberries or bluebrries……or pears
    2) Chocolate in all configurations
    3) Birthday
    4) Death

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frito_pie

    …crap

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    [quote]
    Cake seems like a ceremonial offering … Pie is more of a utilitarian affair
    [/quote]

    Very true, and I wonder why that is? Cake is much easier to make, for a cook of ordinary skill level like me.
    .

    [Reply]

  59. Happy Belated Birthday.

    This is a recycled question, but the answer remains;

    1 Mince/Scotch Pie
    2 Steak and Gravy
    3 Steak & Kidney;
    4 Other kinds of offal based pies.

    Sweet pies are for children!

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    I like ‘Tarts”…..

    [Reply]

  60. …..and yes…Happy Birthday Jeff. You and Vin Scully a day apart.
    …..cool….

    [Reply]

  61. Speaking of pie, maybe one of you far-flung Reporters can shed some light on this. My mom used to make what she called “black pie”. It’s a single-crust pie with a filling that is sweet, homogeneous, somewhat caramelized, and very dark brown (hence “black”). The texture is somewhere in area of jello or pudding. After baking it may have a very little solidified foam on top. She has refused to divulge the recipe, but when I speculated that it contained molasses she quickly said that it didn’t. And for what it’s worth, her heritage is Texas German via Chicago.

    Maybe it’s the “black” part of black bottom pie, i.e. minus the whipped egg whites?

    Thanks for any help.
    .

    [Reply]

    dto Reply:

    Don’t have a clue.chill…..BUT….since we’re throwing pie WTFs….what the fuck is “Shoe Fly Pie”?

    [Reply]

    johnthebasket Reply:

    dto…

    Have you not seen all the shoes, tied together by the laces, hanging on telephone and power lines? That’s the first step, and the only way I know of making a shoe fly. I guess from there you’d better shoo on out to wikipedia for the rest of the story.

    jtb

    [Reply]

    chill Reply:

    Could it be a pie made from the flies that land on your shoes?
    .

    [Reply]

  62. happy birthday jeff.anytimes the right time for pie.

    [Reply]

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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