I spent Thursday, Friday, and a big part of Saturday at the library. And it’s starting to take its toll. I’m getting kinda… loopy. Now it’s time to return to work and submerge myself in another brand of tedium, in the middle of the night. I’m gonna end up fully crazy before it’s all over, I just know it.
The good news: I made some decent progress over the past few days. I’m happy with my efforts, but am concerned about meeting the final deadline. I might have to return to the yurt colony to pull it off. I need two full days inside an internetless roundhouse in the middle of the woods, with a coffee maker and a crate o’ Little Debbies. That would do it, I think.
So, look for me to start pushing the Evil Twin shirts even harder than normal in the near future. I’m gonna need some yurt money… I haven’t checked with the CEO, but I’m almost certain there’s no room for another such adventure in the general fund. Toney doesn’t work during August, and that’ll flat-out smash a man’s yurtly dreams.
Anyway… I notice some interesting things while sequestered inside the public library. It might seem kinda dull on the surface, but there’s actually quite a bit going on in there.
For instance, there are almost always one or two old ladies learning how to use the internet from a teenage nerd. Never men, only women. At first I wondered why, and then I imagined myself as an old man, after being pitched the idea. And here’s what I heard, inside my head:
Are you kidding me? I fought in Korea, and now you expect me to sit down with some doughy mama’s boy and learn how to shop for shoes on an electronic faggot box? I don’t think so, liver lips. I’m a man.
Yeah, that sounds about right… But I find it interesting to eavesdrop on the ladies’ training sessions. It’s amazing to me, that there are still people out there who don’t know ANYTHING about the internet. Nothing, whatsoever.
They get a tutorial on how to operate a mouse, and where to type a URL (they always insist on using the www. at the beginning of every address), and the usefulness of Google… And many of the women are amazed and almost giddy with excitement.
It’s kinda cool.
There’s also a lot of math tutoring that goes on in there. It’s usually some fat kid (once again) trying to break through a wall constructed entirely of disinterest and dumb. The tutor usually gets exasperated near the end, and it’s fun to listen in on their conversations.
And, of course, it’s shockingly noisy in the library. In fact, they have a “quiet room,” where you can go to read, or whatever. When I was a kid, the whole library was a quiet room, but not anymore. It’s more of a community center at this point. And I’m not a fan of all the loud talking, and discussions of replacement hips, etc. Sheesh. Some of us are trying to write a mean-spirited novel in here!
A woman sitting in front of me yesterday had a laptop computer that looked like an open pizza box, with an electric cord straight off a 1947 vacuum cleaner. She had it plugged into a big ol’ international adapter, so I’m assuming she was European or somesuch.
She continuously sighed because of the noise, all the kids crying and people playing YouTube videos right out in the open air, and finally snapped. She stood up, dramatically unplugged her euro-box, and marched out of there. And boy, will she have a few things to say about our little town when she gets back to Helsinki…
Tomorrow I’ll try to get back into the real world. I have a few non-library items in my notebook, believe it or not. So, I’ll see you then.
In the meantime, I’d like to know what you think about, when I ask, “Who is the ugliest person you’ve ever met?” Maybe I’m unusual, but I can answer that question without hesitation: a guy I used to work with in Atlanta. Hands down: ugliest. The man could scare varnish off a door.
And there’s a woman who lives near us with a gigantic lantern jaw, but all her features are at the top of her face. Lots and lots of wasted real estate…
What about you? Can you answer that question? If so, please do. And describe the guy or gal. What made ’em so ugly? Use the comments link below.
And I’ll see you again tomorrow.