Your End of Week Topic Dump, vol. 296
Remember when I told you I was planning to take a week’s vacation in December, to finally finish my long, drawn-out book project? Well, that week starts today.
I have a detailed outline, a laptop inside my Jack Bauer “Jack sack,” and ten days off in a row. I will finish the first draft of my book by next Saturday, even if it sends me to the asylum.
I can’t write in a yurt this time (unfortunately), but I’m planning to hole-up in a university library, where you need a student ID to get on the internet. Because the internet is usually my friend, but when it comes time to write… it’ll vampire the shit out of my dreams.
And so, the updates are going to be sporadic for a while. In fact, whatever I post next week will probably just be two or three paragraphs, with a Question of the Day at the end. I’ve gotta maintain the Eye of the Tiger. You know, assuming that’s a good thing.
And just so you’re aware… Some of the characters in my book include Sunshine, Mumbles, Nancy, Nancy’s ball-baby husband Keith, and a gang of translucent children.
I think it’s pretty funny, but I’ve got to finish it. So, I’m not going away completely, but it’s going to be slim pickin’s next week. You guys are great at taking up the slack in the comments though, so I’m not worried…
Thank you for your continued patience.
I installed a Firefox add-on that tells me when somebody is no longer my Facebook friend. And I kinda wish I hadn’t.
Every once in a while someone will indeed drop me, and it causes a little low-grade anguish. I wonder: Why? What did I do? I go back and re-read my latest posts, to see if there might be a clue. But I usually can’t figure it out. And it bothers me a little.
Yeah, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I never drop anyone. I never get so whipped-up by a person’s two sentence status that I sneer at the computer screen and holler, “Fuck that guy! He’s outta here!!”
Ya know? It seems like it would take a whole lot of emotion to reach that point. So, I always want to know what triggered it, for better or worse.
Do you ever drop any of your Facebook “friends?” What were the circumstances? Political jackassery? General dipshitism? Annoying sumbitchatonics? What? Help me out, won’t you? I need to understand.
And speaking of Facebook, thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday there, on Monday. It was crazy, man, and I appreciate it.
I worked on my “special day,” and it didn’t feel very special, if you want to know the truth. My feet and ass are still aching. But we’re going out to dinner on Saturday, and will celebrate a few days after the fact. We’ll probably go to Cracker Garden, or Red Olive, or someplace. You know how it goes…
Then maybe, just maybe, Toney and I will pay a return visit to the beer snob tavern, and sample a few of their super-obscure and oh-so-correct brews. We’ll see how it goes.
Did I mention that my ass still aches?
Before I call it a day here, can someone please explain Google Wave to me? I was sent an invitation to try it out, but couldn’t understand it during the twenty seconds I devoted to the project. What is its purpose? What’s it supposed to do for me? Is it cool, or what?
I now have a few invites myself. So, if any of you are interested, drop me a line. First come, first served.
And I’m going to be extra-obnoxious by placing a big honkin’ Amazon ad at the bottom of this update. Please don’t forget to enter their site through our links, when you’re doing your holiday shopping. It’s an easy and painless way to support the Surf Report.
We did a lot of our kids’ Christmas shopping last Saturday at Amazon, and most of the merchandise has already arrived. Including a box that came yesterday that’s almost as big as my first car. WTC? I don’t remember us buying a walk-in freezer, or whatever’s in that thing.
And last night/this morning I re-subscribed to my favorite magazine through the site. Check it out. Ten bucks for a full year of Crapper’s Companion! And it’s a weekly publication, too. Good stuff.
I’ll leave you now with a Question we ponder every year at this time. I’d like to know your all-time favorite Christmas movies. Mine include The Homecoming (the best!), the original Black Christmas, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. I also like Elf, if you can dig it. What about you? What’s on the must-watch list at your house?
Have a great weekend, my friends.
I’ll be back soon, with an update on my writing progress, and maybe some new information about Sunshine & Mumbles and their month at the Wet Spot Motor Lodge in Scrotum Rash, Arizona.
See you then!
Filed under: Daily
WTF!
The Homecoming
That is my favorite one also.
I forgot to mention that I don’t have a Facebook page, but I do like to look at Lamebook from time to time.
Good luck Jeff!
Never heard of Homecoming or Black Christmas, but I’m a dooffus. Always watch It’s a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story, love Christmas Vacation.
I would like “A Christmas Story” a lot more if I had seen it a hundred fewer times.
And Top Ten even after reading the update – what the hell is that about!
chill- Your right about Christmas story, ever since TNT went to 24 hours I find myself watching bits and pieces. Early Thursday update caught everyone off guard. I just happened to be finishing my lunch and couldn’t resist. So apologies to all you first haters. (not really)
OMG…top 10!!!!
I’m partial to the 1984 version of “A Christmas Carol” starring snarly ol’ George C. Scott. “The Nightmare Before Christmas” is one of my favorites as well. And of course who doesn’t like “Christmas Vacation”? The sledding scene cracks me up every time.
Since when did Nancy’s husband become Keith? Did I miss something?
I drop people off FB all the time. I just do it to make them obsess about where they went wrong.
Chill, it’s the holiday season…this happens every year about this time. People flock to the belief that the sacred holiday is a time to practice abstinence from their ‘puters to concentrate on the task at hand.
No facebook advice. Can’t do that shit. If you hated me in 7th grade, why the fuck would I want to be your FRIEND now?
I do like “Elf”, as well as “Olive the Other Reindeer”, since it seems a little bizarre to me. I also like the seldom shown Ike Turner Christmas special— “I wish you would shut the fuck up, I wish you would shut the fuck up, I wish you would shut the fuck up, and bring me a beer “I’m….dreaming of a (snifffffffff) white, CHristmas” and the other hilarity that ensues with Ike’s candid recollections.
On IPOD right now- “Atmosphere”- Joy Division
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
I’ve got some catching up to do on reading the updates. Internets has been down at work, and when I get home at night, sitting down to a computer is the furthest thing from my mind.
Well, that is unless I’m trying to make my fortune playing poker on line.
Anyone live in or used to live in Cleveland? I’m considering a position that would change me from JeffInDenver to JeffInCleveland, but would like to hear from actual current/former occupants. Also, what are the good/bad areas to live there? For instance, in Denver, it’s Commerce City, North Aurora, and Montbello. The move is really making sense, as it would be a transfer, at my current salary or better, but the cost of living is 25% lower. AND….. Housing is about half the price it is here. Places going for $130k there would EASILY pull $250k+ here.
By the way, I watched “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” last night for the first time since I was a child, and it struck me as awfully….gay. I think that dentist-elf was a little light in his pointy toed loafers, if you get my drift. I bet it was his idea to have them all sleep in the same bed under pink satin sheets.
“The Ref”
here’s a question. do you get to see who bought stuff, what they bought, and how much they spent on amazon? i don’t have any privacy issues, just curious.
in fact if you can access that info i might start buying really weird and questionable products. i hope you sleep well at night knowing you are buying beer because i bought 2000 copies of the movie krull.
There is NO other that even compares to the Griswolds and my favorite quote is of course:
“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”
Bad Santa
marking my spot
Gretchen..although it does seem to have some gay undertones, I watched it with my kids expressing the fact that I believe it is all about bullying. As we progressed through it, my kids, as I had earlier, began to scream the word “Bully!” every time they saw and instance of bullying. Come to think of it, it would have made a great drinking game.
On IPOD right now- “Biko”- Peter Gabriel
Additionally, for the ESPN watchers- reporter John Clayton could play Hermie (the gay elf) in the live version of Rudolph.
TV viewing has come to a minimum. I hate holidays, they suck when you, eh nevermind. I shall not digress, I shall not digress, I shall not digress. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is still the top on my favorite Christmas movies with A Christmas Story running a close second. “The line waiting to see Santa Claus stretched all the way back to Terre Haute. And I was at the end of it.”
t-storm, I can see what people buy, but have no way of knowing who bought what. There is no information about individuals, just the stuff they purchased.
And Nancy’s husband is called Keith in the book, but nowhere else. It felt like I had too many nicknames going, so I gave him a real-people name.
When I left the house this morning there were a half-dozen Edgar Allen Poe birds ripping into the trash bags I took to the curb last night. Just ripping big holes in the sacks, and tossing shit around. I yelled at them, and waved my arms in the air, but they just looked at me and kept on a-ripping. Next time: airsoft guns.
Keith, really? Ha! So you give Nossy a real name but Sunshine & Mumbles is still Sunshine & Mumbles?
Hip me to the Facebook add-on. I can’t find it!
Here’s the link, ETW. I’ve been using it for a couple of months, and it works well. Too well.
http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/40027
I had a guy who unfriended me on Facebook for this reason:
He posted a quote on his profile, I think it was something like “If you don’t have confidence, you’ll always find a way not to win.” I thought the quote sounded familiar so I just simply copied and pasted it in in google and it was word for word a quote by Carl Lewis.
One of his friends complimented him on the quote, said it was brilliant, and asked him where he came up with this stuff.
He said if his quotes have quotation marks around them they can be attributed to someone else but no quotation marks, like the one he had just posted about confidence, mean that the quote came from his own “twisted and billiant” (his words) mind.
I just simply replied “I bet Carl Lewis would be interested to hear that”.
He had revoked my friendship within 15 minutes for calling him out for plagiarizing Carl Lewis.
Oh, our Christmas movies of choice are National Lampoon and all the old claymation flix like Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.
Scrooged!
I don’t do Facebook (or I’d never get anything but Facebook done), but it could be like MySpace in that they automatically cull “friends” who’ve been inactive for some length of time.
Best of luck with the book project!
Misery is a fine Christmas season movie.
So Nostrils is now “Keith”. I would’ve gone with “Drew” or maybe perhaps “Hermie”, but if you like “Keith” thats fine I suppose. Not that I am trying to second guess you or anything. I’m looking forward to reading your book someday.
Jeff, from the Google page:
What is a wave?
A wave is equal parts conversation and document. People can communicate and work together with richly formatted text, photos, videos, maps, and more.
A wave is shared. Any participant can reply anywhere in the message, edit the content and add participants at any point in the process. Then playback lets anyone rewind the wave to see who said what and when.
A wave is live. With live transmission as you type, participants on a wave can have faster conversations, see edits and interact with extensions in real-time.
Copyright, Google, All rights reserved.
I drop FB friends that I never should have added in the first place. The slut I bitch slapped in junior high, why does she want to be my friend now anyway? I have one that I am about to block because I am tired of her woh is me attitude does her baby daddy and child support. I don’t need to hear this shit non-stop. Fuck.
Favorite Xmas movies? Badder Santa, Christmas Vacation, and The Family Stone. The last one might not be overly funny but some it cracks my ass up.
Gretchen: I had to laugh at your post. I, too, watched “Rudolph” last night for the first time in a while. My boyfriend, dozing on the couch, would wake up a couple of times and thoughout his haze kept repeating “So gay…” and laugh at me.
I also watched Christmas Vacation last night too. Bravo Vicki! One of my favorite scene’s!
Another favorite of mine is “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”…..the animated show w/Boris Karlof as the Grinch. Classic. The Jim Carey version gives me a full body shiver…creeps me out.
My favorite Christmas movie is Asian Anal Honeys #18
Oh!! I forgot…. Another fave of mine is “Love Actually”.
The Homecoming.
And now, in my best Patricia Neal voice “the only thing I want to see is your Daddy coming through that door.”
Why don’t they ever play this movie anymore?
Another favorite: The March of the Wooden Soldiers
i haven’t drpped anyone but there are a few i might in the near future. like people who i have no idea who they are. after the first amazingness of fb i’ve been a much better screener.
like it wants me to add my bitch ex who when i let her read tales from the holler she said it was all made up. she can eat a bag of dicks in hell.
We always watched Laurel and Hardy in “Babes in Toyland” during the Christmas season.Now it sounds like it would make a great porn title.I did like Bad Santa and the female elf (elfess ?) very much thank you !
Isn’t “Homecoming” like the Waltons before the Waltons? I remember it but haven’t seen it in a long time.
I just realized today I got unfriended by someone, probably because we hadn’t communicated in a while. Ironic because I found out when I went to sent him a note to say hi. Oh well.
I’ve tried. I’ve really tried to give a shit about Facebook, but I just can’t. The last time I got hooked up with Classmates or whatever, I got hounded by old high school flames, who are now divorced & “looking”. Plus, it’s 25 years later and some haven’t “held up” so well. Who needs the aggravation?
Definately The Homecoming for a Christmas movie.
Here’s my favorite quote. Patricia Neal had a voice like a gravel road.
Olivia: What’s that you got in your hand?
John-Boy: It’s a present, Mama, from Miss Mamie and Miss Emily.
Olivia: Bootleg whiskey. Don’t those crazy old women know I don’t allow whiskey in this house? I’ve got young children in this house! What sort of example do they think we set here? You take it out yonder and pour it on the ground!
John-Boy: It’s not whiskey, Mama, it’s egg nog.
Olivia: [after pause] I ought to be ashamed of myself.
Christmas Movie Marathon:
The Ref
Nightmare Before Christmas
A Christmas Story
Fantasia
A Charlie Brown Christmas is the only one I can watch. I have a really short attention span and tend to channel surf during the commercials when I watch a movie and then forget what I was watching and never see the end. I don’t know if there is a name for it…ADD maybe?
I have removed friends for referencing Nickelback as one of their favorite bands, and for one too many farmville invites.
AWG: John Clayton, ha! He does have that big, oversized head. All he needs is a Flock of Seagulls style wig and he’s good to go.
As for Facebook, I have about 11 friends on there. Turning off the “everybody can search you” option has definitely kept away the folks who are only looking for warm bodies to add to their friend count and up their social status. Ergo I haven’t been unfriended, yet. I’ve had one friendship overture rejected, but that’s about it.
I like Facebook! I haven’t blocked or dropped anyone, but I have removed a few from my newsfeed. One was an acqaintence and I really like her as a person, but on FB she was all religion and that is not my thing.
Another was because we belonged to the same organization, but we’d never met, and he didn’t have anything very interesting to say.
I block all those farmville, mafia wars, etc. posts and requests. They drive me batty.
I was colleral damage. My best friend got divorced, and his wife, who was friends with me, cut me off, so her ex couldn’t see any of her info by accessing her account through me.
I had to google John Clayton to put a face to his name. Thank God I was not taking a drink of anything. He is a dead match for Hermie. (Yes I also watched it last night) I have a BiL who is a dentist, I think I’ll start calling him Hermie to get a rise out of him.
My favorite Christmas movie is A Christmas Story. I also have a soft spot for Charlie Brown Christmas and all the old claymation specials like Frosty and Rudolph.
I know I’m the odd one out here but I can’t stand Christmas Vacation. I like everything about it except for Chevy Chase. Maybe it’s his “awkward everyman” approach to ALL the characters he plays, or that I’m a Bill Murry fan, or perhaps the fact that he’s just not funny. I don’t know, but for some reason I instantly hate anything he’s in.
I “unfriended” one person, when they posted some astonishingly racist crap on their page. No thanks!
I turned off the big “R” last night to the protests of the hubby and kids ‘cuz I could not for one min. stand the gayness any longer. The kidos were entertained and my hubby was happily making pointed looks and mouthing GAY GAY GAY the whole time… The high fake nasely voice, the bad bad songs, the prancing and sappyness of it all. I was forced to make a grownup stand and say no more or i will be forced to hurt someone. And so we ended up watching reruns of UFC fights on Spike. An improvemnt, but only by a hair, since I can tune out men fighting but not prancing and singing about being outcasts. The worst part is I am usually thrilled to pieces to watch gay men and four legged critters frolic…
Yes, Jennifer, there was indeed an indecent amount of prancing. Prancing, and mincing, and twirling, and jazz hands-ery. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But I can’t believe I watched the whole thing.
If we’re going to get into who we’ve blocked on Facebook, I’ve blocked one person. An ex who has a hard time swallowing our breakup….from 1993. I would not have joined Facebook if this was not a function they allowed. Oh sure, there’s ways to get around the block. But crafty he ain’t.
When I’m in a Christmassy mood (kinda rare), I could have a continuous loop of Vince Guaraldi Trio’s soundtrack to Charlie Brown’s Christmas playing around the house. I’ve given more than a few as gifts this time of year, too. Dig that sound, man.
Alice: Best. Christmas album. Ever! Even works for Christmas in July. Love it!
Keith??!! What in the pan-fried hell?
Nostrils’s second-level pseudonym should at least alliterate with Nancy — Norman, Niles, Nicholas, Neal, Nigel or even Norbert. Eninkay just ain’t right.
DIE HARD is the greatest Christmas movie ever made.
I can’t believe none of you have put “Home for the Holidays” in your faves. Robert Downey Jr, Holly Hunter, Ann Bancroft and Geraldine Chaplain. My GAWD that’s a great movie.
Anyway, that one and Bell, Bood & Candle are my two must-sees.
We, too, watched the original Babes in Toyland every year – even kept watching it after that bastard Ted Turner colorized it. Haven’t seen it in years, though.
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
My favorite holiday film is ‘Scrooged’. Who doesn’t enjoy seeing Bill Murray get smacked upside the head with a toaster wieled by Carol Kane? Great stuff.
Knucklehead…I was going to mention that one too but thought it might be to obscure. Great flick!!
Knucklehead and DTO!
You both beat me to it. “Home for the Holidays” is hilarious! And a great cast, too. Dylan McDermott, Steve Guttenberg, David Strathairn, and Charles Durning are in it too. Jodie Foster was the director.
We love a wild assortment of Christmas movies around here. Most of them have been mentioned in previous comments.
I am a great fan of “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WArpYDGLfEY&feature=related
I haven’t unfriended anyone on FB (yet) but have hidden a few people.
I HAVE been unfriended by 2 people. One deleted his account (job security issues). The other guy was one of my ‘hidden’ accounts. The crap he posted creeped me out; I really should have dropped him altogether.
I was actually relieved when he pulled the plug.
I am seriously about to unfriend my cousin’s ex-wife soon to be. Here’s how she ‘Supports The Troops’:
He is deployed to Iraq (Marine). Less than two months into his deployment she bangs four guys. Not seperately. Oh, no. She decides getting them all together will save time. Add a video camera and she’s set! What makes it worse is not just to her husband (my cousin), but to the whole family (hers included) she always played the ‘I’m so sweet, I’m so nice, I’m just bubbly-pleasant’ card so this was a total shock to everyone. Of course we all found when he came home because she felt such ‘guilt’ she decided to tell him. Oh, that and one of the guys leaked the video online so ya know, someone might have seen it.
Anyhow, he divorces her. They have one child together & he has two from a prior marriage. The two from prior stay with him. He lives in Cali and she takes their child to WA with her. He and us, the extended family on his side, have not seen his child with her in over a year because she hasn’t let him. Over the summer they came to an agreement to let him have the child for two months over the holidays, starting tonight. Child would be flown to Cali with her parents and delivered to daddy.
Well, daddy gets to airport and guess what? Nothing. He calls WA only to find out that ‘she changed her mind’ and can’t seem to part ways with child. Didn’t say that though this morning when he called to verify plane times. Just decided and didn’t call. Instead, she had her dad explain it all to him.
Now my cousin has to tell his other children why they won’t be seeing their brother, who they were looking forward with having.
I only accepted a friend request from bitch/fuckhead/whore a couple months ago in hopes to play nice so we can see their son again and now am looking forward to going home, putting her on major blast and dropping her. Man, I hate that woman.
Pass the beer nuts.
Put me down as another one who likes Love, Actually. Chance of snow tomorrow down here in Houston and the weather guessers are goin nuts. Bruce Lee..patron saint of self defense..pray for us.
Saves time for what? Getting divorced?
And she already had the kid, right? It wasn’t like one of the 4 could be the father?
And last, of course it was “leaked”. You don’t bang a chick with 3 other dudes because you want 3 eskimo brothers.
Overall though, sorry to hear she’s a whore. sorry for your cousin that is, the whore can have ass cancer for all I care.
Knucklehead, DTO, Carol – How random. I am watching Home for the Holidays RIGHT NOW!
Jeff, don’t worry about being dropped by people on FB. I think FB just does that sometimes. Of course, FB has never done that to me, but I have heard that it happens.
JeffinDenver – I live in Cleveland, but I am not from Cleveland. If you want my take on it e-mail me whitetrashbarbie22(at)gmail(dot)com
‘Its a Wonderful Life’ am I alone in liking this?
‘Trapped in Paradise’ with Kal El’s dad.
‘Elf’ is great too.
I’m going to check out ‘The Colour of Magic’ this year too.
And ‘Die Hard’, when the kiddywinks are tucked up!
Damn Melissa! That was quite the rant. Understandable though. That bitch would probably make a good Horde…
Fuck her and pass those beer nuts…and beer!
Hey kids, sorry I didn’t get to read all the comments before posting this — I’m getting ready for a extended weekend tour tonight, took speed and am busy getting shit together. Probably pulling an almost all-nighter, doing half a day at work tomorrow then hitting the road. This oughta be fun.
Google Wave: I got an invite but haven’t had a chance to actually do anything with it. Seems like another time waster to me though. I’d rather see my actual friends in the bar over a pint or ten.
Facebook: I’m on it but only use it for band stuff. And I don’t know or care if I’ve been un-friended. I have a lot of people hidden because I couldn’t give 2 shits about their latest FarmVille bullshit. And I keep getting friend requests from people I didn’t even talk to much in high school, let alone for the last 17 years. I have a few friends that recently just deleted their accounts and I might end up doing the same, but the ability to get the word out about shows is why I keep it.
Chrimmus movies: I can still watch A Christmas Story, and I also used to watch a cartoon called “Family Dog” every Christmas Eve. I wish I still had the VHS tape of that. Also, any creepy Rankin Bass stop-action Christmas short brings back fond childhood memories. The Burgermeister Meisterburger used to scare the shit outta me when I was a kid.
Good luck with the novel, Jeff. I’m off to go kick ass on the east coast, hopefully there’s no van trouble or police attention. Talk to you guys next week.
On the stereo (how quaint!) — The Clash — “Last Gang in Town”
Almost forgot…
It’s a Wondeful Life
Rudolph
Christmas Vacation
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Miracle on some fucking street
Pulp Fiction
The Homecoming (“Jesus Wept”)
Scrooged
Elf
It’s a Wonderful Life
When home with the family we always watch Jack Frost, which should be packaged in a DVD set with Black Christmas. Boys like to see Shannon Elizabeth naked in bathtub.
Yeah, sorry guys. I guess I did go off. But it was fresh news and I was HOT! Still am. Oh well. Pass more beer nuts!
Jeff I wanted to see the Homecoming and went to netflix to get it qued and guess what they didnt even have it!!!! So I went on ebay and found it on DVD and bought it, It arried Monday and I have already watched it twice. Definitely one of my favorite movies. Also A Christmas Story Little princess ( Shirley Temple) White Christmas and too many others to list.
Good luck with the book I will definetly read it!!!
Fuck me and fuck your cousin. I just wrote a typically long post and even spellchecked it, then, during fact checking, visited one of your sites by clicking on your blue name. My post, of course, flew into the bitbucket. Fuck the living, fuck the dead.
Now playing on the fucking Sony fucking Discman:
Little Red Rooster by Big Mama Thornton
A song wonderful enough to assauage the pistoffest soul.
Gotta do this right:
“Fuck the living, fuck the dead” is the sole and unique property of Nick Tosches; any use of this phrase, even during periods of animus, should be credited to Mr. Tosches at the time of its use. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, in the above phrase is both coincidental and tautological.
Just a few comments before I work up the strength to remake my argument for the movie you and your families should watch on Christmas Eve, or whenever the holiday allows.
I’ll be back before you wake up on Friday to make my case. In the mean time…
1) In my humble opinion, the best filming of Dickens “A Christmas Carol” is the 1951 movie of the same name starring Alastair Sim. It has been colorized, but be sure to procure the b/w version.
2) If you can transport yourself to a time when “A Christmas Story” wasn’t on every network Ted Turner ever sneezed on, and enjoy the magic of the story, it presents a good opportunity to introduce yourself to Jean Shepherd. I had read pieces of “A Christmas Story” in Shepherd’s books before the movie was made, and the writing shines. My favorite Shepherd book is “In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash”, but there are many more books and recordings of this wonderful American radio man available.
3) You probably know that the song “White Christmas” is from the movie “Holiday Inn” starring Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby. After the song “White Christmas” became hugely popular, the movie of the same name was made. Neither movie is very good, but “Holiday Inn” will probably keep you awake longer.
4) If you must have Chevy Chase for Christmas, try “Funny Farm”, which is a better movie than “…Christmas Vacation” and looks at Christmas with a more jaundiced eye.
jtb
now playing on the Sony Discman: “I Put a Spell On You” by Arthur Brown
OK, I’ve listened to Baba O’Riley a couple of times on the Discman, had a couple of smokes with the raccoons on the back porch (32F), and lowered my BP sufficiently to try this again.
The movie that my family has watched each Christmas Eve for the last decade is “The Ref” (1994), directed by Ted Demme, featurnig Denis Leary, Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey.
Several correspondents have mentioned it, but none has “made the case” for you to pass up “National Lampoon’s Twisted Dick” or any other movie featuring former SNL players. Here is the case. There is no copy/paste stuff below. For supposedly objective reviews of “The Ref” go to Rotton Tomatoes or somewhere.
“The Ref” is a story about a small-time crook (Leary) who fails in a safe break-in in a small town on Christmas Eve, loses his wheel man, and carjacks a couple (Davis and Spacey) on their way from a marriage counseling session to their family Christmas dinner. As a result, Leary spends Christmas Eve with Davis, Spacey, and their extended family.
That’s it. But the magic happens in all the small places.
The script by Richard LaGravenese and Marie Weiss is nearly flawless. It highlights all the disfunction, disappointments, and sadness we find in our own families and how those things are magnified during holidays. Amongst the rubble of a night with Leary holding a gun on the whole family, there is, in the ashes, love, compassion, learning and even hope. Not for Learly of course. This is a WVSR movie. Some good guys do OK, but the best guy gets screwed as usual.
To say that Judy Davis was the best actress of the 90s ignores some pretty good work by Meryl Streep, but Ms Davis was right in the running. This is not her most famous role, but it is her best. Not everybody loves Kevin Spacey, but he gives a performance you will not forget, and might even identify with. I do.
Denis Leary is a vetern actor now, but he was smart enough in 1994 to get out of the way when Davis, Spacey, and a supporting cast that includes Glynis Johns, Christine Baranski, and even J.K. Simmons are doing their stuff. Leary is appropriately crazed, and goes over the top only in emergencies, as when he pretends to be Dr. Wong, the marriage counselor:
Rose: You’re a “Wong”?
Gus: Well, my mother was Irish.
Rose: And your father?
Gus: Wasn’t.
…and when he has finally had it with Davis’ mother (Johns) who is the ultimate manipulator…
Gus: You know what, lady? I’d like to tie you to the back of a fucking truck.
Rose: You don’t have the balls.
[Gus leaps up from his chair toward Rose and is intercepted by Lloyd]
Lloyd: Don’t do it! It’s not worth it.
Gus: I fucking hate her, Lloyd!
Lloyd: I know, I know.
Gus: What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and Patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain’t dead, lady. He’s hiding.
There is enough laughter in “The Ref” to cheer the grouchiest Scrooge, and enough redemption to light the way to the new year.
Just go fuckin’ buy it.
For dessert:
Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes in “The Blue Carbuncle”, another video about loss and redemption at Christmas. Runs under an hour, and Brett’s genius springs from the screen and knocks you on your holiday ass. Again, just buy it, and enjoy this wonderful feature and a half with my guarantee.
jtb
jtb-So let it be written so let it be done. Purchased “The Ref” just to get you off my back. Seriously after that review I decided to purchase and low and behold Amazon (Yes I used your link Jeffrey) had it tripled up with “Home for the Holidays” which others here have said is must see and the Chevy Chase classic you are so fond of for $26.97 just enought to qualify for free shipping! Woot. Just don’t forget to use Jeff’s link people. Oh and since he can see whats been purchased I bought 3 cases of Astroglide just to give him one of those WTF moments!!
WB — You do me honor, generate some cash for the worthy Jeffrey, and, I’m sure, will have a wonderful viewing experience with your family.
Winners all around, I should think. Tastes varying as they do, I hope you will tell me I’m full of shit should the event dictate.
In any case, I wish you and yours a meaningful and joyous holiday season as you slide toward Christmas on Astroglide..
And, to put an exclamation point on your worthy point, DON’T FORGET TO FOLLOW JEFF’S LINK TO AMAZON. The post you save may be your own.
jtb
Every year, Jeff! I have to warn people about “The Homecoming”. I bought it on your reccomendation a few years back, and couldn’t get through it. Maybe I’ll have a few drinks and try it again this year. If not, look for a cheap copy soon on EBay.
Could be that you are getting dropped by people who remove their entire FB page and you just happened to be a friend at the time. I’ve deleted people, but mainly because they were acquaintences of friends and their relationship/friendship with those folks have come to an end. Others were people who just bugged the shit out of me, not even worthy of being hidden.
Yeah Larry, you gotta sample some of the “recipe”, then watch The Homecoming.
I don’t think there is an update today, since the “End of the week toxic dump” happened yesterday —so here’s something to read and comment on or discuss among yourselves if chili is a meal.
December 4. 2009
A Fallen Icon, Christmas Bullshit and Buffed Warriors
TIGER WOODS
Well, something I knew all along came to the forefront, finally. Tiger is not a choirboy. If you have that much money, you should be able to “transgress” without getting caught. He slipped up and now he is paying for it. It was good for him to come out and read his 300 plus word “apology” that some lawyer prepared for him. It’s good to admit when you are wrong. I just wish he would come out and admit that his 80 pound wife beat the shit out of him with a two iron.
MORE CHRISTMAS STUFF
Best Christmas gift ever? I mean from present times back to childhood. If you can choose one that was the best ever, what was it? I’ll start…..Back in 1982- insane girlfriend at the time (Sprinsteen concert in Lexington, she got arrested—I spoke of this before) gave me an awesome two shot Derringer. It was a magic little gun. I never even had to aim with it. We took it into the woods, with about 100 items (cans, bottles, household items) and shot for a couple of hours on Christmas Day. I was shooting from the hip and still hit everything in sight. Eventually, years down the road, I sold it to a gun dealer who offered me $300 for it. I needed the cash at the time, and sadly turned it over.
Worst Christmas Song Ever? (Not counting the Grandma Got Run Over song, which wears thin by the second or third listening)- I have to go with the really annoying “Wonderful Christmas Time” drivel that Paul Mac put out about thirty years ago and has been on the stereo system of every fucking store I have entered in the past week. What Christmas songs do you hate?
300
Until last week, I had never seen the movie “300”, about the 300 Spartan soldiers fighting against the Persian army of a million. It was based on the graphic novel of the same name. A lot of great computer generated scenes, but what impressed me the most was the computer generated blood, flying in slow motion in every battle scene. It had to be one of the bloodiest movies I have ever seen.
So, speaking of graphic novels, I plan to rent “Watchmen” soon. Or should I buy it or ask Santa for it? Any impromptu reviews for me?
Love ya guys.
On IPOD right now- “She’s in Parties” Bauhaus
my favorites are:
bad santa
it’s a wonderful life
christmas vacation
miracle on 34th st.
First off if Tigers wife would like to get even with him, I’m here for her.
Favorite Christmas present of all time was my International Harvester pedal tractor. I got it in 1972 and the summer of 73 was spent pedaling that bad boy from one end of the “hood” to the other. Then tragically I left it parked on the driveway and my mother backed over it with the family truckster (1970 Ford woody wagon). My beloved tractor was destroyed.
The following Christmas much to my delight, there under the tree was a brand new tractor, identical to the one my mother ruthlessly destroyed with her negligent backing four months prior. Only later in life did I find out that my father, who ran a body shop, had meticulously rebuilt my tractor and had it done in time for Christmas. Now as I write this I can’t help but wonder, was this an act of love or regifting?
I hate anything by Amy Grant.
Got nuttin for you on the movie.
And as always, chili is a meal you big silly.
Tiger Woods- A human after all!
My favorite Christmas present- Flashback to 1972 when I was but 6 years old. One of my heroes was Evel Knievel at the time. A few years earlier my dad had a house built on about 20 acres of timber with rolling hills, a creek (crick), and pasture. I woke up on Christmas morning to find a blue mini-bike setting in my room (and helment). Not only that, my dad had spent hours the day before, while I was somewhere?, brush-hogging trails throughout the land. Damn, that was a blast! Luckily for everyone involved, the mini-bike was a pull start so I couldn’t use it until dad got home. But when he did, I was off to the races…
AngryWhiteGuy — Do not buy WATCHMEN, unless you can do so for cheaper than a rental. I’m a fan of the comic, and I found the movie hard to get through. If I hadn’t read the comic, I probably would have been both bored AND baffled.
Some good scenes, cool effects and decent acting in one or two instances. But it’s just too, too much of everything.
I saw watchmen and liked it. I didn’t read it. I did feel that it should have been about 8 hours long though, instead of the measely 3 it was.
I also felt it was kind of all over the place.
And maybe a bit too much big blue penis.
I was a pretty big Evel Knievel fan back in the early 1970s as well. I remember being disappointed that Santa never kidnapped him and placed him under the tree for Christmas morning. I have never forgiven Santa for that.
Chili = meal
go to x-mas movie(s):
Psycho
The Shining
i watch those movies, look around, and observe similar behaviors
I love the part in the homecoming when John Boy sodomizes the turkey!
Totally used your Amazon link to get some holiday shopping done. Only spent about $70, but I made sure that you got your share! If Wave gets your thumbs up, I’d love and appreciate an invite! I’ve heard good things.
Oddly enough, I was just discussing the Facebook dropping issue with a friend last night. I’ve never actually dropped someone, other than the few people I’ve gone through break-ups with since its’ inception. However, there have been a couple of people whose wall posts I hide. One former classmate, in particular, was hidden by both my friend and I. While my friend and I both agreed that we blocked her due to her endlessly depressing updates, I had to note that the copious misspellings within those updates were the final straw for me.
As far as Christmas movies, I try to watch the original Dr. Suess animated Grinch at least once over the holidays. Bad Santa slays me any time of year, though. Elf is a good one, as well. Haven’t sat all the way through It’s a Wonderful Life yet. I’m not really one for films that make me cry.
Good luck with the writing! That’s one hell of a task you’ve set yourself upon, we’re all rooting for you!! And I, like everyone else here I’m sure, can’t wait to read it!!
Tigers wife is slumming, she is way out of his league.
Miracle on 34th Street (b&w)
Die Hard
Reindeer Games
Seriously sick of these “athlete” wanna bees, golf is not a fuckin sport, it’s a game for kids.
i don’t give a shit what the mo’fo’ does on his time off.
he’s incredible, and he does what you and i can not.
i can say “I saw him when/win…” just like brett farve and michael jordan, wayne gretzky (et al since 1972).
the best of the best has lived and IS living in my lifetime and i’ll continue to wear nikes and watch golf.
I think FB is just fucked up. My number of friends changes by 2-3 every so often. At first I thought people were dropping me and I tried to figure it out, then I realized I don’t care. Eventually it became obvious that FB just can’t count. I know for sure I was deleted by one ex for posting “Don’t bother girls, he’s a lame fuck AND he’ll steal your money.” He doesn’t get on FB very often so I knew every damn one of his friends would see it before he realized what I’d done. Petty? Maybe…but the fucker stole my money!
I’ve only had to hide one “friend” so far. She is unemployed and would clog my home page with 16 hours worth of bullshit, from stupid game scores to the size of her dog’s turds. I could never see what anyone else was up to because of all the crap she posted. There’s another one who’s about to suffer the same fate for the same reason. Then there’s the high school friend turned fundie christian who’s really starting to piss me off with her First Church of Facebook sermons. If I remove her I’m doing it in a blaze of glory by telling her I praise god every time I take it up the ass.
akgrrl2001, there is no doubt that he is the best golfer in history, and that is something I cannot ever claim to be. Thing is…nor would I. Who cares? It’s not like it’s a real sport. or means anything among men. “Hey, guess what…I beat my wife better than you.
RNK…thought you (and everyone) might get a kick out of this. Maybe everyone’s seen it already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ecYMLTs6NY
To RNK
Will you marry me?
DTO – I have seen that. I wish they’d air it during primetime TV just to watch all the hand-wringers have a total meltdown afterward.
fryguy – I think I’m already engaged to 2 or 3 guys on here but you’re welcome to wait in line. If I had known marriage proposals were so easy, I would have put a sign in my front yard long ago.
5th!! (I wanna line up behind fryguy to marry RNK!!)
Good Evening Surf Reporters….
Chili is a meal
Rudolph had issues
I have no Facebook
but I do the Twitter, and Jeff Kay was my contact. He mentioned this Twitter thing over a year ago. He said it was kinda neat. Sign up, give it a try.
So I did.
and still do.
It’s one, if not the only social media outlet I contribute to.
But keep in mind I’m about the last person in the continental U.S. and it’s territories that doesn’t own a cellular telephone.
Oh, invest in Cellular One he said ..suggested back in 1990… it’s the wave of the future..
I think stock was .20 cents a share
Gonna make some chili today. Vegie style – yum.
Best Christmas present ever – Ernie puppet. despite all the bad rap him and Bert got, I loved the guy. I was probably about 6 at the time and just walked around imitating his laugh. kkkkkkk.
Tiger – I don’t follow ‘celebs’ but do keep up on the news – his wife is gorgeous – fool. hopefully she will find someone worthy like Hiedi Klum did. Golf is something to do when you’ve hit the peak of boredom.
I was the 100th customer, does that mean anything??
100th customer always gets a Bert puppet.
I want to be number 6 in line to marry RNK in case all of you other fools don’t work out. I know how to treat a woman right. I’d make her a chili meal and things of that nature.
I haven’t been able to keep up with my beloved WVSR for a while because of a new job. I can only get three websites at work and none of them are thewvsr, obviously. Absurd. So I’m buying a laptop to fix the situation.
I got a batmobile peddle car once as a kid and I loved that thing. It’s in my attic as we speak. Might be worth some money, who knows? Other favorites include a BB gun – didn’t shoot my eye out – and Hustler magazine from my Uncle Bob. I was all of 14 when he gave it to me.
A couple of years ago my wife got me a realistic Asian vagina. I think I told yall about it. It played a song when you started going at it……..”it’s a small world afterall, it’s a small world afterall” Loved that thing. Ruined it by dropping it in the tub. Now when I use it the song sounds like a “Speak and Spell” with low batteries. Very creepy and I always lose my erection.
I like the nightmare before Christmas. I think we need Christmas movies that feature a little bit of lesbianism. Come on America, it’s time. A little bit of Santa, a little bit of tongue and groove, I think it would work.
Sidney -good news, thx. T. Farty McA, how many proposals have you had?
Good grief!! Hey Jeff, maybe would could do a throwback to The Dating Game…Surf Reporter style. We can bring back classic phrases like “making whoopie”. Either that or I’ll just list myself on Amazon and those so inclined can use your link so that way everybody wins.
Jason – Is there a noticeable difference between realistic Asian vagina and say….realistic white vagina? Just curious.
RNK – wonder’n the same vaginia question, wtf?
I was also confused. Please explain Jason. I am soooo curious!
Asian vaginas are sideways.
The Asian vagina had a nice yellow tint to it. Otherwise it like any other run of the mill vagina out there.
Jeffindenver. I live 25 miles west of Cleveland & 4 miles south of the lake. I have been to Colorado, and there is nowhere as beautiful as it is there! Besides that, I find life to be pretty good here in Ohio. In the summer the lake is an awesome place to boat, fish and jet ski etc. The Western suburbs are really nice especially Rocky River, Avon, Bay Village. Lakewood is filled with artists and musicians and all kinds of interesting people. There are good restaraunts and lots of Concerts. Professional sports are very important to people around here.The prices of homes are beyond reasonable. Food and gasolene are very affordable. You can vacation in Michigan, and Ohio has a lot of great parks and natural beauty especially down south. There is also Cedar Point the monster of all Amusement parks.
OMG top 110!!!!!!!!!
I like Bad Santa and Elf. Not a really big Christmas fan.
I watch “Let It Ride” during Kentucky Derby season, one of my favorite holidays.
I watch Easy Rider during Mardi Gras season, one of my favorite holidays.
I watch war movies on Memorial Day weekend and drink whiskey and play Flight Of The Valkyries on my harmonica.
It’s probably appropriate to watch The Last Waltz around Thanksgiving time.
Hilarious WTB, makes it hard for an oil change.
AWG — best Christmas presents: BB gun at age 7, electric guitar at age 8. Those two things sent me down the path I’m on today. Graduated to some good rifles, pistols, and Gibson guitars later on but I still have those two gifts and will likely never get rid of them.
On the stereo: “Reconnez Cherie” — Wreckless Eric
Good answers, all. Thanks for playing.
Jason, you gotta get that laptop from Santa or something. I think I can speak for us all when I say we miss your insane banter here on a daily basis.
Finally, some good news for me- scored a 95 on my Sheriff’s Department entrance exam. Top score. Next, I’ll have to convince a psychiatrist that I am not a naturally violent person.
On IPOD right now- “Diary of Jane”- Breaking Benjamin
Aw crap! I knew it. I just goddamn knew it!…AWG…all those dope jokes I made over the years, you know …jokes?!!??. Jokes right??!!…Aw fuck!
I imagined that there would be 200+ by now.
RAT BASTARD – I’m right there with ya on the best presents except it’s Fender bases and good rifles and pistols.
We need to write THE WVSR theme song and record it via Email and home studio software.
AWG, did you decide against the move back to WV? Oh, and I concur with you about Jason. It just isn’t the same without Jason and Farty T. There are some other regulars that have been absent as well. While there has been a respectable showing in the comments section, I am wondering where so many have gone.
WTBarbie- It all depends on where this goes, probably. The assistant chef job in Charleston is still open to me, but probably will not be open forever. I would prefer to work in corrections if the opportunity presents itself and therefore, I would stay here.
On IPOD right now- “Pepper”- Butthole Surfers
This is already an “off” day. I wanna hit the reboot button and go back to bed. There’s been a series of things. The dog pissed all over my office rug and I stepped in it this morning. I mean she must’ve saved up for days. then I couldn’t find my cell phone. Then I get my son in the car to take him to school (we’re running a little late) and he tells me that I’m the most beautiful mom in the world, even without makeup.
I wonder what else have I forgotten or will step in today.
SkullyWV — I respect Fender guitars & basses too. We used to have a nice American Jazz Bass as well as an original Mustang bass (appliance yellow). Right now we have a Rickenbacker, and our current bass player has an old (80s) ESP. That last one would not be my choice, but I’m not playing it.
I don’t have any home recording shit on the computer, but could probably get it set up without too much hassle. Any recommendations for free software out there?
Thanks to White Trash Barbie, and Debra, I have all the answers I need. I’m moving forward to try to get the gig.
RAT BASTARD – I think anything that would get basic tracks out to a .wav file would do. I use an old version of Cakewalk.
I bought a Mustang bass for 100.00 15 years ago and sold it last year for 800.00, go figure. Weak pickup, baseball bat neck and all.
A Chrismas Story – I want a Leg lamp fo RamaChaunaKwanzaMas – One of those Fra-Gilly ones.
Oh and I’m adding Cracker Garden and Red Olive to my Resturant nicknames list. Along with Lobster Barrel.
Thanks J.K.
O.K. so have it your way…..
Lee Harvey, you ignorant slut
Don’t you know the difference between mayo and M.W.?
One is a sald dressing and one is not. Frankly I don’t want either of them on my salad but I will take mayo on my banana sammich.
come on out swinging. Ha-Ha-Ha-.