Your End of Week Topic Dump, vol. 285
Some sort of stomach bug is rampaging through my workplace, causing assplosions and call-offs and spectacular liqui-shit events.
So far I haven’t been afflicted, but it’s probably only a matter of time. Everybody’s passing it to one another, and is that creepy, or what? Apparently we’re always ingesting, in one way or another, the cooties of our co-workers? Disturbing.
I’m hoping I’ll be able to hold it together. And I’m sure you know what I mean when I say “it.”
I wrote a new Mockable yesterday, and think it’s kinda funny. Maybe you’ll agree, and maybe you won’t. Or maybe you’ll just ignore the link altogether. Whatever.
And now for a quick update on Surf Report media…
I just finished watching the first season of Prison Break, via Netflix, and really enjoyed it. It’s pretty much a cartoon, a big ridiculous cartoon, but sometimes I like that sort of thing.
I’m now getting ready to start the first season of Life on Mars, the UK version. I tried to watch the US version, but abandoned ship — on account of manifest shittiness. But I hear the British original is much better.
And I’m planning to buy this book soon; it looks to be right up my alley. Have any of you read it? What did you think?
I recently received an email from — get this — the CEO of eMusic, thanking me for the positive review I wrote about their service. Pretty cool, huh? And it wasn’t a computer-generated form letter, either.
He also deposited some song credits into my account, enough to download three full-length albums. So, I grabbed Zen Arcade by Husker Du, and two albums by the Psychedelic Furs. I have a soft spot in my big, beleaguered heart for the Furs, and now have their four essential albums on the Big iPod.
eMusic is, as the kids say, the tits!
And I’m planning to download this Dan Baird album today, after I finish the update. Baird was the gap-toothed lead singer of the Georgia Satellites, and his solo records are better than any by his former band. Now he’s got Warner Hodges, from Jason and the Scorchers, on lead guitar. Can’t wait to hear it.
Back during my record weasel years I was at a convention somewhere and, just for fun and novelty, all the waiters (for about ten minutes) were various recording artists from our labels. And Dan Baird was handling the table where I was seated.
I remember him putting on a fake French accent and shouting, “What do you mean you do not like the fish? It was a thing of beauty when I brought it out here!” He’s a funny guy, and still makes great records.
Do you have any media updates for us? We need to know, dammit.
I went to a new McDonald’s a few days ago, and they have two drive-thru order boxes. Have you seen this? If nobody’s at the second one, the first one says, “Please pull forward to the next order box,” or whatever. And if someone is already there, the first one takes your order. How fancy is that?
I think they’re also using some kind of software to make the order-taker sound young, friendly, and nice. While I was ordering my two hamburgers with no pickles, and a sweet tea, it was all sunshine and roses. But when I was actually face to face with the person…. Wow! Young, friendly, and nice became weathered, cigarette-ravaged, and terrifying.
The food was the same, though: fucking good.
Do you ever use public transportation? I don’t, except when visiting New York City, and that only happens once or twice per year.
When I lived in California I had a 36 mile commute to work, and it could sometimes take 90 minutes to get there. Traffic was a nightmare, just like it had been in Atlanta.
My boss lived near me and used a commuter train called MetroLink. He was always trying to convince me to use it as well, but I didn’t like the idea of being stuck at work without my car. I liked to go to Virgin Megastore on my lunch breaks, or drive to Frontier Wok for some kick-ass Chinese, or whatever. And all that would go out the window if I started taking the train.
But during a December one year the company offered to pay 50% of the fare, and my boss was campaigning hard for me to give it a try. So I did, and hated it with every cell in my body. And mister, I’ve got a lot of cells.
It wasn’t like a subway, which runs every seven minutes or so. This ran every forty minutes, I think, so you had to be there at an exact time, or you were screwed. Way too rigid and demanding for 7 AM… And I’d have to sit beside people snorkeling down Arby’s croissanwiches, etc. Plus, as predicted, I felt like a prisoner without my car.
So, I rode that stupid train, like it’s 1889, for one month, and went sprinting back to my car. My boss, a bit of an aging hippie, didn’t approve, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
What are your feelings on public transportation? Do you use it? Do you like it? It might be a little better nowadays, with iPods and Kindles, and all that stuff. I don’t know.
Also, to follow-up a conversation that started at Facebook… how do you eat candy corn? I eat it in layers: the white tip, the big orange section in the middle, then the yellow part at the bottom. Do you do it in layers, as well, or just pop the whole thing in your mouth like a grape?
And since we’re on the subject, what are the WORST Halloween candies? What went immediately to the trash when you were a kid? Necco wafers? Mary Janes? Those mysterious maple log things? What do you think? Use the comments link below.
And it’s no fair to say toothbrushes, apples, or quarters. Those aren’t candies, are they?
I’ve got more, but I’m going to quit right here. The rest of the day is going to be devoted to the t-shirts. Well, the t-shirts and beer later, but mostly the t-shirts. So, stay tuned.
I’ll see you guys next time.
Have a great weekend, my friends.
Filed under: Daily
This Jive Turkey is first
End of the week already? See you guys on Monday.
IPOD is off, I’m out.
WORST Halloween candy has to be those large marshmallow/styrofoam things sorta shaped and textured like unshelled peanuts. What the hell are those? Bleh.
Fore Skins!!!
What if some people eat grapes in multiple bites?
Circus Peanuts.
# 6? Really?
Worst halloween candy -popcorn balls.
Those peanut butter (I think) chewy things in black or orange twist wrappers. Nasty.
Enas Yorl – Door stops otherwise know as Circus Peanuts. I once watched a colony of ants carry one off and then a few hours later. The ants came out of the ground puking and writhing in pain.
Yea, those marshmallow things suck at Easter too.
What the hell kind of name is marshmallow anyway.
It is this unknown “Mallow” that sombody pulled from a festering “Marsh” somewheres down south where Adrian Barbeau had an affair with that big ugly plant guy.
Now that’s a full body shiver in the making if there ever was one.
Can’t eat candy corn. . . .
you know how when you DONT KNOW you are getting a monster stomach flu . .then whatever you ate prior to the big heave ho becomes forever associated with that lovely event? Well candy corn was eaten in major quantifies prior to a major flu episode of my youth . .and haven’t had ONE PIECE yet . .
the same goes for pezole . . . . .
Any of you guys know what I mean?
Jeff,
How can you go wrong with a post that starts off with fecal/oral transmission. You did however set the bar high.
I love public transportation. For some reason, I’d always meet pretty girls, or guys with weed on the buses in Seattle. If nothing else, you can read a book, surf porn on your mobile, etc. I had a car as a teenager, and didn’t have to drive much at all for seven years. I loved it.
I’ve never heard of your book. I’m reading “Stalingrad,’ by Beevor for the brutality of it (see some Barbarossa posts on my site if you swing that way), and the official GMAT test prep. I’m not sure which section will defeat me in the end, but it is going to be bloody, I hope I’m not the 6th Army when all is said and done.
My buddy learned of my subscription to the WSJ. He said he would take me to the store where he purchases his smoking jackets, so that I may read in comfort. I quit tobacco >2 years ago, do they still make candy cigarettes?
I told my wife that I had now become an official pretentious jerk, since my subscription had started. She said, “You didn’t know you already were one?” I love her like I love the GMAT.
Go Musketeers!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
The styrofoam like popcorn balls wrapped in the colored cellophane. Just totally lame.
I’ll agree with the circus peanuts too. Disgusting.
1 year at Halloween one of my kids brought home a plastic baggie filled with Chex Mix sealed off with a twist tie. Seriously, who’s that effed up?
Worst Halloween candy? Any hard candy.
I never could stand the scrambled eggs that my pointy-headed neighbors from France that lived down the block used to give out at halloween. I did enjoy the beer that they gave out.
“I’m hoping I’ll be able to hold it together. And I’m sure you know what I mean when I say ‘it.’”
Your buttcheeks?
Worst Halloween candy? Hands down it has to be Candy Corn. The nastiest confection imaginable.
Public transporation reminds me to much of my broke, busted and disgusted days. Not doin it. No siree! Besides, I live so far in the country, I almost have to ride a horse 5 miles to get to my gas guzzling SUV. Jus jokin…But I do live out in the hicks of North East Raleigh.
I eat my candy corn mixed with peanuts thank you!
Worst halloween candy:
Sugar babies, Milk Duds and Sugar daddy’s. Damn things will pull the fillings right out of your teeth.
Circus peanuts, this is not candy. It is a device to destroy your digestive track.
Atomic Fireballs – Give one to a three year old a see how fast his face lights up.
Wax lips – Does this even qualify as candy?
Thats my list and I’m sticking to it…
I take Metra (Chicago suburban-downtown commuter rail) every day and it’s fantastic. This morning I slept the whole 45 minute ride in while strangers boarded and disembarked 5 feet away from my drooling, snoring self. I’m sure Jeff enjoys that idea.
Candy corn is not fit for human consumption and anyone who eats it is a chump.
Nastiest candy? Anything black licorice, hands down. If I had wanted something medicinal, I’d have consulted the pharmacist, thankyouverymuch.
Public transport (commuter train) was the best part of my day. (Tells you how much the job sucked, doesn’t it?) Had time to read loads of books. That is, until my employer insisted I start carrying a Blackberry. Then it became just another 45-minutes of the workday that did not result in my getting to leave the office any earlier.
Co-worker cooties are why I thought I deserved hazard pay. Hey, if I can hear the toilet flush as you open the door to exit 30 seconds after you enter the facilities, chances are no soap and water were involved in the exchange, not even a courtesy rinse to give the bacteria a drink. And if you have a hacking cough, I’ll stand at your office door for a brief conversation. No need for me to have a seat near your infested self. Pass the hand sanitizer.
The UK version of Life on Mars is far superior to the US one, of which I could only stand 1.5 episodes before deleting it from my DVR playlist. I admit there was the occasional reference that I didn’t quite understand, but Google is there to lend a hand. Oh and then there’s John Simm as Sam Tyler.
Beer and eggs eh? I suppose that balances out.
I hated those molasses candies (peanut butter brown and harder than hell at first). Now that I’m older, I actually like the blasted things–which explains why they probably get handed out at so many places–they’ve forgotten how terrible they are to the young palette.
The last time I took public transport was during my first year of college. Having had enough of that I coughed up the cash for a parking pass and drove myself where I wanted to go when I wanted to go there and not have to slug around anything in the process.
I’m a recent convert to the public transportation. I mostly use it to avoid having to drive after I get all liquored up downtown. I’ve got a single bus line running from the center of Baltimore to half a block from my house.
There are some interesting folks on there, and most of them aren’t cute girls or the kind of dudes who want to share their pot with the likes of me. Better to meet them on the bus than behind bars, though.
Mass transit in Atlanta sucks. Gas prices will need to go above $10 a gallon before I give up my car. It helps that my commute to work is only three miles each way, so I use about 1/4th of a gallon of gas each day.
By comparison, MARTA costs something like $1.75 each way, and it’s a 30 minute bus ride. Plus the bus only stops about a half-mile from my work building, so I’d have to walk from there.
And what’s this about eating candy corn in layers? The proper way to eat candy corn is a handful at a time… just throw five or six of ‘em in your mouth all at once.
@Brynhildr
Courtesy drink is the best joke I’ve heard today.
Thanks!
Jeff,
Didn’t you have liqui-shits last week? Maybe you were patient zero and the thing mutated into something where you can’t come into work now, in addition to the shits.
Oh yes, public transportation…
no need for me, I only live 1.3 miles from work. 10 bucks worth of gas lasts me weeks.
Candy corns – one layer at a time, one per year. TOO. SWEET.
I’d take public transit if it wouldn’t take me 5 bus lines and 2 hours to do it.
Don’t give me no lines and keep your hands to yourself – the only musical reference I can come up with from your post.
Public transit? For hippies and felons.
I live 50 yards from my office. Sucks at times. Licks ass at others.
Excuse me, that was supposed to be kicks ass. not licks. carry on…
I took my 3 year old trick or treating around our neighborhood last year. We knocked on the door at this one house and the wife came to the door and told us to go around the house to the back, where her husband was doing Halloween. I thought they might have some props and shit like that. So we walked back there and the guy was grilling sausages. LOTS of them. He commented on her costume (care bear) and she said “trick or treat”. He got one of the sausages off the grill with his tongs and dropped it in her sack. I shit you not. She was thrilled and thanked him several times as we left. It struck me as odd.
Later that night I watched as kids walked back from his house looking down into their sacks with a puzzled look on their faces. I think he might have been drunk, I’m not sure. Who plans to give out hot sausages for Halloween? Who DROPS THEM IN THE BAG like that? I can’t wait to see what he does this year.
The worst candy for me was always starlight mints and hard butterscotch candies. They weren’t really bad, they just seemed like a ripoff. I remember one year that my grandmother made us unwrap the candies and hold the wrapper up to the light to check for holes before we ate it. The idea being that a hole indicated that something had been injected into the candy, and it should be thrown out. Absurd.
Since I’ve gotten older I’ve found it very hard to slip razor blades into apples or crushed glass into candy without it being obvious. Anyone have any techniques they use?
Becki,
I know what you mean. I can’t eat pistachio pudding for that same reason. I haven’t eaten since “the incident” and I think I was about 7 years old at the time. Ruined my life.
Candy corn is crap…mite as well eat your wax lips. Full-size Snicker’s or nothing!!1
Last time I rode public transportation it was like an episode of Unsolved Mysteries…the one where they found everybody…on MY bus. I got off a bus in Columbia SC and there was a guy dressed like a fly…just walkin around like it was normal. That was it for me…I drive everywhere now.
Greg in cincy, I have to ask then, are you pro-Cincy Streetcar? For the record I am.
More than likely, you’re McDonalds order taker was not in the building.
Probably routed to a ‘call-center’ and then the order was zipped back to the burger factory.
Worst Halloween candy: Those honey things with the bees on them, blargh.
I would have to agree with the Circus Peanut crowd as being the worst. Necco wafers close second. A hot sausage melting my miniature snickers would piss me the fuck off! Now put that bitch on a bun with a little mustard and onion and an ice cold brat wash and mister you got a friend for life!
Only public transportation I’ve been on was the trolleys in San Francisco. We were in Atlanta and were going to use MARTA to get downtown when a local informed us it might not be a good idea for “white boys to be a riding the MARTA after dark”. So we took a cab only to find out that the hot spot downtown was not so hot a year later. 40 bucks down 40 bucks back up, cut into the Pink Pony money, damn.
Sick co-workers are the worst. Just a couple of days ago a guy commented how all four of his kids had the flu and they were testing to see if it was the swine flu. I got the hell away from him and have not spoken to him since without a good 20′ seperation. As a side note a I saw a co-worker cough into his elbow and damn near had a turd roll down my leg thinking about the “shiny elbow” thing a while back.
Hopefully t-shirts get mailed out in alphabetical order.
Did the public trans for a loooonnng time, didn’t own a car. Spent about 8 years of bus/bike in minneapolis, then 8 years in NYC. When I moved back to sanity (St. Paul), I realized that the only people who take the bus in certain areas of the Twin Cities are very scary (and remember, I’m thinking this after living in Brooklyn for 8 years). My new job being in one of these areas, I got a car pretty damn quick. I do miss being able to read on my way to/from work though.
And circus peanuts and candy corn should be illegal.
So gross.
t-storm,
I would love to see a streetcar, but don’t think it will happen in my lifetime. I live in Loveland, and before the bike trail, you could ride a train downtown to Cincy, for a small fee.
I would not give up the bike trail, but light rail would be a benefit to this town.
I haven’t really done much for a costume for the zombie walk. Want to go and be victims? We could step on ketchup packets or something and die in horrible ways.
Only zombie chicks get to bite me. This is Cincinnati, not Capitol Hill in Seattle.
Greg
So after some intensive research (wikipedia), I found this:
In 1963, General Mills vice president John Holahan inventively discovered that Circus Peanuts shavings yielded a tasty enhancement to his breakfast cereal. General Mills formalized the innovation and created Lucky Charms, the first breakfast cereal to contain marshmallow bits (or “marbits”).
As much as I appreciate the invention of candy cereal, what the hell led a guy to shave circus peanuts into his breakfast????
I got a question. I have never met anyone that likes circus peanut. No one here likes them. Why are they even in stores? Who is buying those orange turdletts?
zazu the pitts,
I buy them. I don’t want the circus peanut factory workers to lose their jobs. Same thing with the fruit cake factory workers.
What the hell are you all doing here on a Friday night? Oh, just realized it is Thursday, that “end of the week” thing got me too excited.
Gotta be Candy Corn. Can’t even eat that shit with Salsa on it.
Skully, ya gotta admit that Adrienne Barbeau’s jugs looked fantastic in that movie.
I will write about this tomorrow, if the ten or so of you that read the shit I write will read it. Seems this is the final update of the week. Got a job offer in America’s Anus, where I grew up. and do not know how to respond. As a prep question….Tammie, or anyone else who lives in America’s Anus, is Mr. Man, or yourself, or anyone earing a wage there, earning enough money to live comfortably, or are you just getting by?
Public trans sucks here. You have to ride three goddamn buses with transfers just to get to my job.
On TV right now- Spongebob, of course
Also.tomorrow…the AngryWhiteGirl beats the shit out of her school-chum.
My Dad loves Circus Peanuts I guess it was one thing he could have that we would not eat up.He also liked Chuckles, a disgusting jelly candy that no one would eat at our house. I always hated anything black liccorice flavored,
Oh yeah, Zazu….call me insane, but I like circus peanuts. My cousin Zippy the clown likes circus penis, however.
Seriously? Nobody has said jawbreakers?? Those things hang out on top of the fridge at my house sometimes long enough to see two halloweens!
Here’s my media update: Recently I’ve been watching Breaking Bad, a show I had never heard of. It was recommended by Netflix. Their suggestion robot was on the money, as it is a fantastic show.
The worst Halloween candy is black licorice. It is the work of the devil and no one will convince me otherwise.
AWG – Since I live in OKC right now I’m curious to learn what you consider America’s Anus. It’s pretty anussy here.
Greg in Cincy – Victims are fine by me. Something simple, ratty clothes, some blood. I’m going to a show in Northside that night so getting blood on a hipsters shirt is always welcome.
As far as candy, that maple shit someone mentioned. Neco wafers. Smarties were ok. Sweet tarts can blow it.
One year I gave out jello shots. Parents can be such prudes.
No pickles? You homophobic bastard.
Joe
Oh, you eat the white tip first? You homo.
Joe
Hope you can stay healthy! Wear a mask and if anyone trys to make fun, fucking sneeze on them!
Worst Halloween candy?
How about those douche bags who hand out apples? We shuda burnt their houses down and been out of juvey by 18! Bitches!
AWG- I dig circus peanuts too. I guess only the REALLY cool kids like them.
As far as McDonald’s drive thru’s — I’ve heard that taking the orders has been experimentally farmed out in some areas. People at home who are good at customer service do a sort of telecommute between themself and the customer ordering in the car. They’ve got a computer link up to the McD’s that relays the order to the restaurant, but the cheerful friendly voice taking your order might belong to someone who isn’t within a mile of the Golden Arches
Me ? If I eat at McDonald’s once a year it’s a lot. Plus no matter what the franchise, always remember “They fuck ya at the Drive-Thru !”
halloween rocks! it’s mah favorite holliday!!!!
candy corn’s not a candy you can eat on it’s own. it’s more of a decoration… like for cakes.
i used to throw out wax anything… and crayons. those were crap.
then we’d all trade up for our favorites….
jeff i frikkin told you months ago about the british version of life on mars. you don’t listen, man…. that’s why you don’t know the joys of launching a blitzkrieg crap at work…
ok… as for the mass transit? i live in nyc. i’m 29 and haven’t had need to get a driver’s licence….
Worst Halloween candy? Starlight mints, hands down. I don’t mind them after dinner at a restaurant, but if that’s the best you can do, just shut your damn light off and pretend to not be home.
Jeff,
You’re definately a carrier. I’ve been as regular as a Swiss watch, but today I read your update, and viola’, I get an assplosion at Borders! At least I’m well past the public bathroom phobia.
trisha, i like circus peanuts. and i’m a geek…..
i also love getting the funsized candies though… but i used to get handfulls of them, and that’s how i dish ‘em out!
man… when i was a kid we’d get pillowcases FULL of candy! and i never checked for holes/tampering… wtf? who’d mess with halloween? other than hitler in a sundress….
The Nick Twisp book was not worth the $5.00 I paid for it used. I sold it back for $2.50. I asked if they would let me give them another $5.00 if they could make me forget I read it.
I thought it would be up my alley, but it seemed really forced. The car in the living room had me so pissed off that I had to finish reading it just to see how bad it would continue sucking.
Youth in Revolt is a hilarious, ridiculous book. Filled with dark humor and ennui, I can’t recommend it enough. The only thing you gotta watch out for is the brief scene of… well I won’t ruin it. Don’t listen to those who balk.
http://www.bad-candy.com/
‘Nuff said.
Fuck Halloween. As a kid it was pure torture. I was allergic to chocolate so I got stuck with all the crap you guys wouldn’t eat. My sister got the good stuff, seperated out of my bag. I think I quit T&Tn around eight years old. Anybody carry around an orange U.N.I. C.E.F can collecting penny’s. Crap…I’m old…huh?
Gregg in Cincy….I grew up in Loveland when the train station was still a train station. Used to ride my bike to Branch Hill hoping to catch Regina outside playing. Used to ride my bike to Milford. Dad’s still there at the top of the hill,Sunrise drive, at the turn off there at United Dairy. I graduated in ’71 form the ‘old’ high school there across from Phesant Ridge. We moved there in ’56 o ’57 when I was three. Too many stories for here…like going to Crosley Field on school patrol day.
I always liked giving the horrendous Circus Peanuts to my toothless grandfather just to watch him gum the sumbitches while watching ‘Love Boat’. Looked like a dog with peanut butter on his lips. Good times.
If I wanted candy corn I could eat the candle sitting next to me, since they both come from the same lineage. Nasty, nasty stuff.
I’ve never been one for ‘sweets’ or candy, but boy, I’ll sure take the savory dishes anyday. If Jason’s neighbor were handing out sausages, I’d reach into the cooler he had near him (because we all know there was a cooler near him), take out a cold one and knock back a few hot sausages and icy beers. Nice.
Uh-oh. Just got my ass handed to me in online poker. See what not paying attention gets ya?
Now Playing on iPhone: ‘Try to Remember’ sung by Jerry Orbach (YES! That’s Scrotum Face!!)
Ahhhh, I almost forgot! Time to interject some shitmydadsays into this crockpot ‘o fun:
“The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out.” –shitmydadsays
Necco wafers…disgusting little discs of chalk. I can’t even eat a TUMS because they remind me of necco wafers. Circus peanuts aren’t much better. I was always happy when my dad scammed those off of me instead of my fun size snickers.
For the record, I never give out Halloween candy. I live on a street with very few lights and no sidewalk. I tried it the first year I lived here and all I got were punk teenagers in $2 plastic masks and street clothes who never said trick or treat or thank you…and I was giving out handfuls of the good shit.
The only form of public transportation here is a dude who drives people around in a minivan. Yes there are scheduled stops. I guess it’s good for door to door service but I’m not scheduling my grocery runs with Marge from across town.
LOVE shitmydadsays! And I love that a 29-year-old son appreciates the brilliance of his 73-year-old dad.
I tried eating candy corn by layers a couple times… Pretty quickly I figured out that all the layers taste exactly the same, and now I eat them whole. You know, like a man.
I also like those little candy pumpkins which basically taste like a giant candy corn. You know, since we already established that the dye has no effect on the flavor of the underlying corn sugar and chemicals.
And what the flying shit is a “mysterious maple log”? I seriously doubt I’m missing out on anything. Unless of course it tastes like a super giant candy corn, in which case I’m just missing out on a horrific stomach ache. Like pounding 2 mike hard lemonades in a row. Not that I’ve ever done that. Once. Years ago.
D
Worst halloween candy – turnip.
But we don’t complain, lest we end up in the wickerman!
We don’t get Circus Peanuts or candy corn across here. Just the turnip. And Cadbury’s.
@Brynhildr- if John Simm ‘floats your boat’ check out ‘The Devils Whore’ a really well done 3 part mini-series where he plays a swashbuckling mercenary in the English Civil War. Its pretty good.
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article5174404.ece
Ian – a turnip? What kind of mean, sadistic old bats give out turnips? I wouldn’t think kids would be very inspired to go trick or treating. And what’s a wickerman?
Only kiddidding about the turnip.
Traditionally its what we make jack ‘o’ lanterns from.
(it takes a bit of effort but the smell of a candle in a turnip is one of the most nostalgic and magical aromas ever!)
You should see the original Wickerman movie, don’t waste your time with the Nicholas Cage effort. It is dire.
Basically, a ‘wickerman’ was a huge man made from wicker and branches by the pre Christian Celts, they would fill it up with human sacrifices and then burn it.
Beats watching American Idol!
for you cincinnati people, and i know you exist. if you feel like meeting up with a fellow surf reporter come out tonight to the crazy fox in newport, ky (901 washington) tonight for some cheap and not so cheap beers and so retardizination. ask for t-storm, they’ll point to the guy humping a bar stool probably. 730 pm till we go to the brass ass.
come one come hole.
np Unhinged – The Drams
Gotta agree about Dan Baird. His solo stuff outshines GS although the first Georgia Satellites album is pretty solid. Love Songs For The Hearing Impaired is his best in my opinion.
Worst Halloween candy… Necco wafers. Tastes like Pepto Bismol!
I have no technique for eating Candy Corn as that is some nasty assed shit.
Smarties or any other sour candy also sucks.
Cool DTO,
I moved to Loveland in June. It has been fun to learn the history of the train, and I was surprised to read that you had ridden it.
The old station here is a Bob Roncker’s Running Spot, and I collected some coal and RR slag, and a spike from the defunct track.
The bike trail is too awesome. I’ve done all but the portion from Caesar Creek to Xenia in one trip.
Thanks for the info,
@t-storm, humping bar stools is a felony in KY, as is everything else.
Melissa-You’re terrible! LOL
t-storm-So there really is a brass ass? I thought Tracy Jones just made that up like most thing he says on the radio! I wish I was a little closer, I would gladly get stoopid with you. I’ll be in town on the 8th for the Ravens game but that doesn’t do us much good does it.
Candy Corn and those orange circus peanuts are the nastiest things since vienna saugage water
Kids in costume get decent candy.Those without costumes get a big dollop of grits or mashed potatoes.I’m a mean old sonofabitch.
I wish they made licorice flavored circus peanuts !
I’m on board with the licorice hate, both red and black. I could never bring myself to put a circus peanut in my mouth-even the color is all wrong.
I don’t mind commuter trains at all, taken several different lines around the country for various jobs, but when it comes to buses, I draw the line, too many horrific experiences involving the “general public” which I am not all that fond of to begin with.
If they made licorice flavored sausages I’d be all over them like stink on rice.
OK, the comments are slowing down SO:
October 23, 2009
Do I Want to Do This?, Another Telephone Miscall and You Don’t Mess With the AngryWhiteGirl
GOING HOME?
At about age 14, I had a dream. It was to get the fuck out of West Virginia, no matter what it took. I saw the economic wasteland it was becoming and the dwindling job market, and realized that I could never succeed there. It took several years, but I made it out.
Now, in Florida, I see the economic wasteland it is becoming and the dwindling job market. I have been waiting patiently for the County to call me in to set me up for training classes as a corrections officer at the jail, but they are severely dragging their feet. I hate my current job, but there is no stress. Law offices had the severe stress overload, but the money was great. Working at the jail would have the stress and the money, and I would love it.
However, a new wrench has been thrown into the mix and I am seriously considering the change. A chef that I knew for years in Charleston has emailed me and offered the position of head assistant chef ( I have 35 years experience in this field) at his lucrative job, overseeing a giant kitchen with about 40 minions to supervise. The pay starts at $40,000 per year and only goes up. Bonuses, health insurance, paid time off…all part of the package. Downside….I don’t know what the cost of living is like there anymore. Is 40K enough to support a family of four in that tragic little state? Is the school system broken? Will I die twenty years early from inhaling all of the chemicals in the air in that valley? It’s a dilemma that consumes my mind now. And the question is: Have you ever considered such a move and did you do it, or did you not do it and regret it?
ANOTHER WRONG NUMBER
So before I told you about the woman who called my office phone, thinking she had called Applebee’s. I posed as the manager and eventually provoked her husband to go to the restaurant and complain about me. Good stuff. Tuesday, at about three o’clock, I got a call on my cell. The guy thought he was calling an auto parts store. I guess he knew the names of the people who worked there. Maybe a mechanic ordering parts, so I will call him Mechanic:
Mechanic: Is Angela there?
Me: Can I help you with something?
Mechanic: I just need a (insert some auto part I never heard of here) for a guy. Angie usually knows what I need.
Me: Angie’s here, but she doesn’t want to talk to you.
Mechanic: Just tell her that Tim wants to talk to her.
I put him on mute for a minute and then unmute him
Me: Angie says you are kind of creeping her out. She said you made sexual advances the last time you spoke to her and she does not want anything to do with you.
Mechanic: Angie said that? Please let me talk to her.
Me: No can do, Tim. She says you are a creep.
Mechanic: Is this Justin?
Me: Yeah, it’s Justin.
Mechanic: You seen me in there before with my wife. You know I’m not a pervert.
Me: Angie said she might tell your wife.
Mechanic: Tell her what? I didn’t say anything. I’m coming down there to settle this.
Me: I’m going have to ask you not to come in here. Angie’s my friend and I’ll punch you right in the face when I see you.
Mechanic: Who the fuck are you, Justin? I’ll kick your little ass.
Me: I’m warning you. I’ll knock your teeth out.
Then he hangs up. Hopefully Justin didn’t get his ass beat too badly.
AND IN THIS CORNER
I got a call from the teacher. Last time I got a call from the teacher was eight years ago. The kids in my son’s kindergarten class all made paper hats and were to decorate them with pictures they cut out of magazines. The kids were putting puppies and sunshine and trees on their hats. My son had cut out bra and panties advertisements and glued them all over his. I didn’t see the problem with this and told that teacher so. Now, back to the present:
For two weeks, a little boy named “Reef” (who the fuck names their kid Reef?) had been punching my daughter in the back and taking her sandwich at lunch and throwing it on the ground and stomping on it. Apparently, the teacher doesn’t see this, and I can understand that she has to watch 22 kiddies at once, but my little girl has told her this was happening over and over. I sent the teacher a letter, explaining that I was not happy making sandwiches for my girl that ended up mopping the floor and that I did not send her to school to be a little punk’s punching bag. She sent me back a note and said she would look into it.
Monday, it began all over again. Punched in the back. Sandwich on the floor. I sent the teacher another letter, telling her that I had now instructed my daughter upon getting punched, to turn around and smash “Reef” in the face with her fist.
As a side note: Jayne, the AngryWhiteGirl is a thin and tall five year old, with light blonde giant curls down to her waist. Blue eyes. Cute voice where her “r”s sound like “w”s (Daddy, is this wight or wong?) Last child in a group you would guess could be a threat. Wong!!! If my 13 year old son picks on her, she bruises him with a thunderpunch. It’s like flipping a switch. She goes from docile to stormy in a second if she needs to.
Anyway, she told me she has not hit him because she didn’t want to get in trouble. I told her that if she didn’t put a stop to it, Reef would do this to her every day. Tuesday, Reef ran out of the lunchroom crying with a pint of blood running out of his nose. No problems from Reef since then. The teacher told me she did not punish AngryWhiteGirl because her other little friends backed her up and said that Reef hit her again. I’m proud of her. Anyone else have any “violence to curb an adverse situation” stories? Especially kid ones.
On IPOD right now- “O Green World”- Gorillaz
Farty: Actually, they do make licorice flavored sausages — some Italian-style sausages contain fennel, which tastes like licorice. I say YUCK. Whenever I taste fennel in any food, I recoil in horror and disgust.
See here:
http://cookingresources.suite101.com/article.cfm/fennel_the_funny_tasting_vegetable
And here’s a recipe for ya:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/wolfgang-puck/sweet-italian-fennel-sausage-recipe/index.html
Oh yeah, and I also found this awesome site:
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/
Warning- do not view before lunch
AWG-
I love Another wrong Number……..
Just about did a spit take with my morning beverage!
Thank you Bomama. I love it when I get a wrong number. It gets me thinking on my feet.
On IPOD right now- “Mountain Song”- Jane’s Addiction
AWG-Excellent wrong number story, hopefully Justin is okay. Reef!? is overcompensating for a gay name, however getting punched out by your darling little girl should correct his behavior.
Obviously I have no comment on the eco-socio elements in WV.
awg i got a couple…
when i was 5 at summer camp some little asswipe tried to pick on the fat kid (me) and started pitting at my feet. I told him to stop and he didn’t. he then started throwing rocks at me. i didn’t take too kindly to it, so i knocked him to the ground and pissed on his face. in front of the counselors and everyone.
his dad told my dad who then told him that because his kid started it that the two of them owed me an appology. the guy threw a punch at my dad who headbutted him, knocked him to the ground, took out his knife and cut half the guy’s moustache off. as a trophy.
Ian — The John Simm thing is somewhat inexplicable but I simply can’t help it. I read about The Devil’s Whore months ago, but it isn’t yet available here or somesuch nonsense. I could watch it online, but I was holding out for DVD so that I could get the full effect on my big TV screen rather than a 17″ laptop. Sometimes size does matter, though I’m beginning to think I’ll just have to settle for what I can get. (sigh)
AWG — If I had a daughter, I’d have told her to punch him as well. No amount of adult intervention will stop the little turd from bullying — he’ll just become more discrete about it and leave no witnesses. Now that your daughter isn’t playing along, he can move on to his next victim. Since he’s already used to punching people in the back, he should be moving up to the sucker punch any day now.
When I was a kid, I lived in a neighborhood full of boys and I had to adapt to their ways if I wanted to be part of the group. My brother and I used to settle our differences with a good old-fashioned tussle, and my mother didn’t bother to break it up until there was bloodshed because she knew we’d be right back at it until there was a clear winner. That method worked for us until my brother started gaining on me in size, which was around the time he was sent to live with our father for a few years. By the time he came back, we had learned to deal with our differences in a more civil manner.
Soupy Sales died. (Age 83) If you are over 40, you should know who Soupy is.
On IPOD right now- “In Between Days”- The Cure
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kP1_F9zEF7o
Hi Jeff, I really enjoy reading your updates but in this one there are a couple of things that I don’t agree with.. how can you possibly say that >Mc Donald food is “fucking good”? there is nothing more disgusting than those all-the -same-taste sandwiches…
and I have to tell you that you should give another chance to public transportation. I commuted every day for 4 years to go to the university, it was a one-hour ride go and another hour back, so I know perfectly what you are talking about. But I think that it is stupid to whine like a baby “uuuuh I want my car, I don’t care if there is a terrible traffic, million of people stuck into traffic jams, one person per car… come on, you seem like a spoiled child… you can have your opinion but you should support it with more serious motivations.
Sorry if I wrote too much and not in perfect english, but I’m not a english native speacker..
Have a nice evening!
OMG! i just ate a can of rediwhip!
AWG,
I moved to Alabamie on a whim and I don’t regret it. If I get a good chance to do something better, I’ll move again tomorrow. Who gives a shit? Move about and take chances before you get too old to even consider such things. Spice of life, and all that shit. GO!
When I was a little boy in third grade there was this very large shitsack that would come up and demand my lunch money. When I’d say no he’d smack my head or somesuch. This went on for a couple of days. His name was “Erving”. I’ll never forget the last time he tried it. I asked him to come to the restroom so nobody would see me giving him my money. When he walked in the door behind me I walloped his big ass right in the nose. He ran out like a liitle bitch, which surprised me. So I chased him up the hall and basically tackled him and started beating his face with all I had. Some school staff finally came and I was pulled off.
The whole thing was a shock to me because I was sure he could easily beat my ass – he was about a foot taller than me, and at least as much wider. But it turned out he was all talk and no cock.
They called my mother and told her that I had to be paddled. The principal sat that paddle so softly on my ass that it was absurd, so we all knew that he was just following some kind of absurd protocol. Never got another peep out of him after that, and I was at the school for another 2 years.
And what was the last question?
AWG: I wish my parents had let me fight back. I was told I would be shipped off to boarding school if I ever got in a fight. So I never fought back. Consequently, I was everyone’s punching bag for most of middle school. The ‘rents didn’t give a shit about that either. Way to go mom and dad! So good on you AWG. Your daughter just might make it to her teens without crippling anxieties and a lack of self-esteem! Woo-hoo!
Re: Going Home. Wow AWG, I understand your angst. Post-divorce I moved to GA because my parents and sister lived here and the ex was a major asshole continuing to make my life miserable on a daily basis. However, not a day goes by that I don’t wish I was back in WV. The cost of living is lower there, people are kinder, four distinct seasons, awe inspiring scenery, and just look up the crime rates. Virtually non-existent compared to where I am now. And the school systems here?? Major suckitude. Anyway, you just have to decide what’s important and then go for it. Follow your instincts. Good luck! I’m so homesick, every time I hear “Country Roads” I cry.
Hey AWG, why don’t you just use a cost of living calculator? Here’s one, but there’s loads of others online:
http://cgi.money.cnn.com/tools/costofliving/costofliving.html
Well, besides the fact I would feel like a prisoner as well, PEOPLE GET KILLED HERE in my country, that is right people die on a daily basis…let’s not mention robberies…
Well to elaborate more on the near death experience thousands of people experience everyday here in Guatemala, the so called “mareros” or gangs…like to extortion bus companies…. that’s right…those fuckers just like to ask for money and if they don’t pay… well, …drivers get shot…. it is not a strange happening now… everyday you can check the newspaper and you will find 2 or 3 deaths related to public transportation… so… although traffic is crazy here…I don’t care spending 30 – 45 minutes in my car….(after all Ipod made it easier for all of us right?) but there is no way in hell I would use public transportation in this country!
@ Angry White Guy…. very very cool song …like the acoustic version better though
Dan Baird, I love you period. Do you love me, question mark?
I eat the corn 1st, then the candy.
Good Morning Surf Reporters
AWG, as an outsider (Canadian) I can’t really offer proper advice without knowing what you make now and the cost of living in your current location vs. the potential new location…blah,blah,blah…but I don’t want to know that shit. I can say that I’ve lived on both sides of the coin (working my ass off for 28K a year vs. getting paid $60K to do very little) and I also have worked in kitchens for years. It’s a tough call because once you get into the management side there could be money to be made. Still, my personal advice is stay the fuck out of the kitchen and work towards that government job because that’s what worked for me. My best advice is picture where you want to be in 5,10,15 years and envision what it will take to get you there.
Kevindust,
That seems like bad advice. In 51,015 years we’ll all be dead.
that’s what happens when you type a bad URL at 3 in the morning and you’re more than a little pie eyed…
Good AfternoonSurf Reporters
AWG,
Did you get rid of the goddamn squirrels?
start rant….
I officially hate cats and will hate them for eternity…I hope the whole domestic cat population dies in a horribly painful cat cancer of the AIDS plague and they’re wiped from the earth never again to comfort a lonely old lady or make a 20 something hipster feel like their life means something.
my irresponsible housemates cat ate clear through the wire on my $100 headphones then apparently “missed” the litter box, shit on the floor, and i stepped on it and tracked it to my room which has carpets. all today. AHHHHH!!!
end rant……just had to get that one out.
thanks everybody.
Pfffft. I guess things are slow tonight.
I’m back and forth between here and a neighbor’s drunk party. I mention squirrels and he said, and I quote, “I put barrels of water in the yard. I float little pieces of wood covered in peanut butter in the barrels. Unless the little motherfuckers have on life jackets they dround. Fuck em.”
Life is good.
This just in…TCU is spanking the hell out of BYU. The Christians are getting one up on the Lions, eh Cougars…There’s some reason I should be routing for BYU but I just can’t put my finger on it. Oh well, keep spanking that ass TCU…
The Sens blew a comanding lead in the third period to lose to the Bruins in a fuckin’ shootout. Not impressed.
Kevindust – That bites. Final on the TCU/BYU game 38 – 7, poor Cougars scurried home with their tales tucked.
This is too wild to not share it with everyone. Has this ever happened to you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYtjwEMX0uQ
Kevindust…it’s good to see the Bruins actually win a shootout…sorry it was against your Sens though….I was surprised the B’s were able to score 2 goals with Thomas pulled…..much to my dismay, I don’t see a very good season from my beloved Bruins
What happened to Brandy?
DTO, I got so excited about the Train, that I missed the UNICEF boxes. Not only would we hit people up for free candy, but also for spare change. What a racket.
Moth Balls are the worst, maybe they call them Malt balls, I repressed the memory. Candy corn should be eaten in its entirety, as the colors do not taste different.
I put this on my blog, which gets 2-30 hits/day, mostly because I write the word porn now and again, and google sends me some traffic.
If you are over 30, you probably know and cherish this fine love song. The youngsters are in for a rare treat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mQUqnFNtEQ
The video is lame, but the lyrics should have gotten a Grammy, and possibly even an Nobel Peace Prize, as they now come in Cracker Jack boxes.
Greg in Cincinnati – This version is much more interesting, well, if you are a guy that is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSqemvgVoDE
Kevindust – I think she changed her call sign.
I’m just catching up on being three updates behind… My job has blocked the surf report. I still check my bookmark everyday, hoping that someone has come to their senses.
Sorry I missed your birthday, Jason. Hope you had a good week.
AWG – If the cost of living makes it worth it then make the move. What have you got to lose? You’d be doing something you love or at least something you know very well. Be sure to tell us the name of the restaurant because I am so cashing in on a free meal since I know the chef and all.
Jason – “Erving”?….thanks for the full body shiver.
Thanks for the link, Gretchen. Looks like everything would cost consderably less there. The air quality and the schools worry me though.
Kevindust- I work for the State now, but they have figured out ways to screw me out of things like insurance and raises, since it is the State of Florida.
Thanks to everyone thoughts and suggestions.
No love for Soupy?
On IPOD right now- “Jessica”- Allman Bros.
Joe T. may be right. I think Jeff could be patient zero on the work illness. Jeff, while I was rooting for you to not break your streak, I was also wondering why you didn’t just call in sick to work that day.
And for those of you who haven’t tried it, Shiny Rod is on to something. Candy Corn with peanuts is really good. I was only introduced to this a few years ago. If I had tried it much sooner I wouldn’t have cared for it as it is only recently that I have started eating anything that has nuts in it.
As a child I didn’t care for most of the Halloween candy handed out. I liked the chocolate stuff, but not any of the chocolate stuff with nuts, and pixie sticks. I used to love pixie sticks.
I remember seeing circus peanuts, but my recollection is that they didn’t come wrapped, and we weren’t allowed to have any of the stuff that wasn’t wrapped. If they were wrapped, then I don’t know why I don’t remember ever trying them. Maybe because of the weird color?
All that being said, I have to agree with Brynhildr. The absolute worst candy is anything black licorice.
Public transportation? Absolutely.
AWG – Hilarious. I wish I could be so clever getting wrong numbers. And good for angrywhitegirl! Girls need to learn that it is ok to stand up for themselves.
Oh, and AWG, I looked at the link you posted. Is it wrong that I wasn’t disgusted by most of it?
I know, that’s what I meant by don’t look before lunch. My stomach started roaring with hunger when I looked at some of that stuff.
On IPOD right now- “The Future”- Leonard Cohen
119th!!!