What One Hour Will Get Ya
I’ve got one hour to write and post this update. That’s assuming my shirt doesn’t need ironing… So, an hour, best case; if I have to break out the foldable platform, and fire up that big cloth-straightener, all bets are off.
Some of you will remember, a couple years back, the bizarre, tragic, and sad death of a regular reader of this site, a person who went by the name Blitz Krieg in the comments. He was funny and smart, and a part of our family here.
It sucked when he “died,” and we mourned his passing. But now there’s some pretty good evidence that the whole thing was a hoax. I don’t understand it, couldn’t even begin to start. I wanted to mention it here, but don’t plan to spend much time on it.
Tiff and wordnerd wrote about it yesterday, and they pretty much nailed it. So, there ya go. I got nothing else on the subject.
Some good news: the Surf Report is back in Google’s index. Yesterday, Ads vs. Reality was the number one result for “fast food” in the search engine. As I type this it’s dropped to the second page, which kinda bothers me. But it’s better than being banished altogether. A website doesn’t even exist, if it ain’t in Google. And that’s pretty much the troof.
Here’s some weird shit I wrote.
And this is part of a conversation I overheard yesterday (I swear it’s true):
Woman: “But the Jews don’t believe in Jesus, do they?”
Man: “Oh, I think they believe in him, they just don’t think he was all that.”
And it looks like the Eels (one of my all-time favorites) will be releasing ANOTHER album in January. Amazing. There was a four or five year gap between their last two albums, now they’re cranking out two in six months? Crazy, but I’ll take it.
Apparently E, the leader of the “band,” is going through a divorce, and wrote this album in a hurry, as catharsis. And that’s good news for us, because he seems to create his best music when he’s in pain. Not that I’m happy he’s in pain or anything…. You know what I mean.
Do you know of any great breakup albums? There are a few of ‘em, entire records about the disintegration of a long-term relationship. A recent, really good one is 12 Angry Months by Local H. If you get the chance, check it out. It’s fantastic.
Sample lyrics from the album:
Give me my Zeppelin CDs, you know you took them, I know you did
Where’s my Pretenders record, you know the one, the one with Kid
Where’s all my AC/DCs, my Interpol, my Libertines
Where’s all my Kyuss records, you never liked them until you met me
Metten has added an update to his Mockable post yesterday, about the medical scare he’s experiencing. You can read it here.
Toney and I returned to a Mexican restaurant recently, a place we’d previously placed in the NEVER AGAIN! column. And it was really good. I’m glad we’re weak, and rarely stick to our culinary guns. Because it often works in our favor.
Perma-grudges are for suckers, especially when there’s enchiladas involved!
Have you ever caved and gone back to a business, any business, previously relegated to the NEVER AGAIN! column? Or are you more rigid than we are? Tell us about it.
And I know this is a weak effort, but I gotta go. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to update again, since my parents are supposedly coming. But I’ll do my best to sneak one in somewhere.
Have a great day, my friends.
See ya next time.
Filed under: Daily
FIRSSSSSSSSSTTTT
3 IN A ROW, LOOZERS!!!
Fuck Fuck Fuck!!!!!
A fake, Internet, blog death? That’s almost too weird for words.
5?
If I had a religion, ironing would be against it.
No gettin’ past that The Qweezy Mark.
Didn’t know people Ironed Grrranimals.
(I keed!)
This is a post chock full of nougaty goodness. Enough to chew on for a while, even in little bits. Yum!
Except, ya know, for the whole Blitz thing. That’s like getting a bad peanut in your M&M bag.
Dylan – Blood on the Tracks; most songs were written during divorce.
Great breakup album… Stickboy ‘Sings My Songs’. Helped me deal with a breakup with my ex-fiancee’. And Jeff… Turns out that the singer, guitarist, and chief songwriter was a kid that regularly looked to me for suggestions at old Peaches #36!
It seems that I influenced his musical choices!
And remember “red-faced” Gary?
He actually managed one of his bands before Stickboy.
How’s that for weird?
EP “Homeless Where the Heart Is” by Barbara Manning
ouch.
Wish I worked in radio so I too could have such a rapier wit.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
On the subject of “never again”, I’m one that sticks to my guns. Oh, I hold on to grudges, people. I hold on big time.
Never drank another Rolling Rock after they sold out.
Never went back to a Mexican food joint after I got sick off of one of their tacos when I was 6 freakin’ years old.
So let’s see, that’s 37 years ago. And yes, the place is still in business.
Got into a spat with an owner of a local bar. I’ve not gone back. That’s going on 10 years now.
So I’m just waiting for the day when all that pent up grudginess causes me to implode.
Well, let’s see. I’ve only been back in Wal-Mart once since I swore I’d never, ever go again 5 or 6 years ago. It was an emergency–the day the schnauzers chewed up a $30 library book and the arms on the sofa and love seat–no one else had baby gates cheap enough to suit me and my husband wouldn’t choose on his own. I
‘ve never been back in Pizza Hut since I told them exactly how they could fuck themselves. Crave one every now and then but they probably have my picture posted somewhere and I don’t relish the thought of eating their bodily fluids.
Swore off the local gringo Mexican restaurant a couple of years ago because of piss poor service and patronized the “authentic” taqueria until the end of this summer when we went in one night and it was 90 degrees inside, the frosty mugs were melted and the beer was hot. Now service at the gringo place is wonderful so we go every Friday night again. Maybe it was the 20% tip we started leaving. Chiles Rellenos to die for–glad I caved on that one. Also glad I didn’t give them self sex instructions back when I got pissed.
I boycotted the Bulk Barn for years after finding bugs in my Clodhoppers (after I ate most of the bag). Then I found out they carry peanut butter M&M’s and decided I could llook past the odd 8-legged freak now and then.
I believe I may have said something insensitive, about two years ago, (as opposed to the insensitive things I say every day) about the Blitz Kreig “death”, such as “this is bullshit” or something to that realm, and I was ripped into like a monkey on a cupcake.
Nobody made such a fuss when Greg Beck died, and he was a fuckin’ awesome brotha.
I swore I would never eat at A & W again. In St. Albans, WV, (or maybe it is now part of Jefferson), there was an A & W, as well as one in inner city Charleston that had an awesome type of chili/meat hybrid on the dawgs that made them excellent. Shortly after moving to Floriduh, I was happy to see an A & W in the local mall. Apparently, they have their own idea of chili, since it tasted like someone wiped their ass with it. Since that point, I divorced, remarried, had more children and decided to try it again. This time it tasted like animal ass. Never again.
Breakup albums- “Psychocandy”- The Jesus and Mary Chain
Also most Leonard Cohen songs on his earlier albums (Leonard banged Rebecca De Mornay when he was near sixty and she was about 30)
On IPOD right now- “Al’z ABC’s”- 3rd Bass
I swore off Wal-Mart years ago when I heard they lied about their stuff being made in America. That was back in the mid-90′s. 10 years later I started going back. At first it was just as a “guest”; I never bought anything. Then I started buying. I’m not a frequent Wal-Mart shopper, but I’ll go there before Target for some things.
I’ve swore off ever using any type of credit/debit card at a Lane Bryant store. So far I’ve held to that one. In 2006 a store manager used my card to rack up $150 in underwear (WTF?) on a 0 balance card (Like I wouldn’t notice?). After making all the necessary calls to the credit card company and police, the account was closed. One year later I was looking to finance my car and a black flag came up on my credit report. That’s when I discovered the wonderful bank that owned the card listed it as “involuntarily repossed.” I’m still fighting that one.
Break up albums:
Blood on the Tracks for sure, it was Dylan’s lone spike of genius for the 1970′s and it plays like a freshly opened wound every time. Brilliant, just brilliant, howling wild goat cries at the moon type breakup songs.
Beck: Sea of Change is another one, although not nearly as good.
Bruce Springsteen: Tunnel of Love. However, I think this was all written and recorded during, rather than post, breakup.
And a breakup album of a different kind: either Abbey Road or Let It Be – you can hear the band’s tension in many of the songs. Thanks, Yoko.
I have never gone back to the Quarterdeck restaurant in Jupiter FL after they tried to kill me with a bad chili dog.
I once had some major issues when I ordered a laptop from OfficeDepot.com (they gave me a ship date, then told me it was out of stock several weeks later). I wrote them a long email complaining that I would never shop there again. They sent me $75 gift card in response. I used the gift card, but I guess I technically wasn’t giving them my money… (Sometimes it pays to complain!)
Oh, and break-up albums? Beck’s Sea Change.
McDonalds – I go once every decade or so, but I’m still scared of the burgers – I just get the fries. Not as good as when they were cooked in the trans fat stuff.
The joint I worked in when I was a kid would drain some grease out of the french fry cooker at night and fry the grease out of beef fat to refill it. Those were great fries but I get chest pains just thinking about it.
Break-up Album: Come On Home by my buddy Doug Hepler (Bumpass, VA) It only sold about 150 copies.
First off, Bunker Cam. Where do you find this shit?
Not real good at grudges and don’t know dick about music ‘cept I thought the the entire genre of country and western was break up music, at least back before they all started thinking they were Jimmy Buffet.
Speaking of faked internet deaths I have not seen Jason around here for a couple of days. I sure hope he and T. Farty didn’t finally have it out over Farty ballin his old lady.
@JCIII — I also quit drinking Rolling Rock when they got bought out and never looked back. I stocked up the basement with the real stuff when I heard about the impending sale and the reserves didn’t last too long. Here’s what my friend who did try it post-buyout said about the New Jersey brewed RR: “If I want to drink what tastes like Miller High Life, I’ll just buy Miller High Life.”
Breakup album: Mark Lanegan “Whiskey for the Holy Ghost”
Laserboy – You don’t happen to live in Bumpass do you? Just curious, my uncle lives there.
Neil Sedaka: “Breaking Up is Hard to Do”
Item #1 – Boycotts
The United States does something like $400 billion in trade with China — 100 to China and 300 from China, and I swear to God that WalMart sells $200 billion of the imports. While other stores also sell Chinese goods and other slave-made and prisoner-made products, Wal-Mart does it as a business model. Fuck WalMart. I’ve never shopped there and I never will.
Item #2 – Girl-cotts
“I been double-crossed now for the very last time and now I’m finally free,
I kissed goodbye the howling beast on the borderline that separated you from me.
You’ll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above,
And I’ll never know the same about you, your holiness or your kind of love,
And it makes me feel so sorry.
Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats,
Blowing through the letters that we wrote.
Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,
We’re idiots, babe.
It’s a wonder we can even feed ourselves.”
~ Rat Bastard
that’s a bit of a coincidence. Once I stopped drinking RR, Miller High Life is what I switched to.
The Champagne of Beer is close in taste to the original Rolling Rock, perhaps a little more carbonated though. Plus, I can drink a metric shit load of them and not be really too hung over the next day.
I stepped foot into Best Buy since they where the only local retailer to have a dvd I wanted on the shelf.
Always looking for kickass writing, and from time to time find some here. kristin’s first post today is ten words long and…
1) is funny
2) is written in the near-subjunctive mood
3) is almost a haiku
4) touches on the ontological and the epistemological
5) reveals something of kristin
6) has a Zen quality to it
I think we should all chip in and give her a capital K for Christmas, a holiday which she might or might not celebrate spiritually. (yeah, I know, but johnthebasket isn’t my first or last name).
In any case, nice job kristin…jtb
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!
Just thought you’d like to know.
Oh, and “never go to again” only includes Pizza Hut, scummy dirty barely passing the health inspector tests, kind of place. Packed with loud early 20′s zitsters for employees.
If a restuarant hits my shit list, I don’t go back. Ever. They also end up closing within 6 months. Don’t know if that has anything to do with it. Just sayin!
I have always held grudges. I’d like to forgive and forget but it’s not my nature. There’s no coming back once I’ve been fucked over whether it be a business or a person. My mother use to say, “They will get their come-uppin’s someday”.
Whitey…Just to be clear, Leonard Cohen’s songs, early and late, with a couple of notable exceptions (e.g., “So Long Marianne”), are mostly about longing — not about breaking up, whether he “banged” Rebecca De Mornay or not.
I find it infinitely more interesting that he had a thing going with Janis Joplin at the Chelsea Hotel.
jtb
I was just thinking about that bastard the other night when I too almost walked into my bathroom door. Dead or otherwise, the story did do some good in that it has prompted me to be more careful when navigating my bedroom in the dark.
I thought that might be a hoax a few years ago. He lived in the cincy area and that seemed like something that might hit the papers.
I emusicked some Leonard Cohen last night. And some Guy Forsythe and The Haywards. Go emusic.
I’m a huge grudge holder, places, people, incidents, pets, inanimate objects, take your pick. I will only return to a grudge place if forced by family or work and it is always done with huge amounts of bitching and complaining n my part. Yeah, I’m a hella fun girl. i did this month return to a grudge store since my hubby won a $100 gift cert. there and was thrilled to bits to fu*k them out of free sample and my $100. Yeah me. My mom always tells me that I’m spening way more energy, brain power and life holding grudges, but if I give it up then what do i have???
Kristin Damn you i had to scroll all the way back to the top of the page for those pearls of wisdom!
Went to Johannesburg on business once, the place gives Hell a good name! Its on my never again list along with Bob Evans white sausage gravy!
Nothing against my good friends the French, but isnt living like a hamster one step up on the food chain for them?
@WB – now you have started me worying about Jason!
I swore I would never, ever use AT&T again after they made me pay for a phone I never had….
So now I have an iPhone and ATT U-verse. I am about to dump the U-verse tho and go back to Dish.
You just can’t depend on me at all.
The Mustang Ranch ain’t what it used and if i’ve said it twenty times I’ve said it thirty…this will be the last goddamn time.
@JCIII — my friend switched to Miller High Life too. I stick to the usual domestic stuff these days like Miller and Bud but recently, finances have dictated Pabst at $10.99 a case. I know that’s hipster beer these days but I’ve always drank that kinda stuff. I remember buying Carling Black Label on sale in the early 90s for $4/case on sale. We drank a river of that shit!
“used to be”…I had to type quick before my wife saw it.
Jeff, how long do these updates usually take?
This “Blitz Krieg” is all news to me… weird! Can anyone tell me where in the archives I can find the posts that took place during the “illness”?
I really felt bad for that guy. And especially his wife, since she supposedly left the French door ajar that hit him in the eye! It was all so sad……..
I think the guy had a site called “Dr.Syn” and Jeff had that in is friehds colunm I remember. That’s the one……..yak yak yak. And like Jeff said “nothing else on the subject”. Too weird to give the guy any attention and come to think of…I just wasted half a beer while doing just that. Fuck it!
Breakup albums: Greatest: Shoot Out the Lights by Richard and Linda Thompson. I still go back to it.
Take My Breath Away.
It’s not an album, but an era.
Kelly Knapp dumped me to that song (after she made out with me to that song, several days earlier).
Do I hold grudges? Hell, every one of my blood relatives is from a Balkan state. We invented grudges. We’re killing one another still over arguments that have been going on for more than 2000 years.
Here’s the way I hold grudges:
A couple of people I went to high school with started a group to remember classmates who’ve died since graduation. I didn’t join, but I go there and check it out every now and then.
There have been a few who died of cancer or accidents and one guy who was a police officer killed in the line of duty.
But mostly the people who’ve dropped dead are the burnouts and druggies that I couldn’t stand. Of course their deaths are all drug related and the morons who have so far survied all talk about what great people and “right partiers” they were. In my opinion they were assholes, plain and simple. And now they’re dead. I visit the page and gloat. It makes me feel like I’ve won.
Yep, they’re dead and I still can’t stand them.
How’s that for grudge holding?
The only time I truly boycott a business, restaurant in particular, is when I find hair in my food. Either I have an insanely keen eye for finding hair in my food, or food is just somehow attracted only to MY plate, I don’t know. But once hair is discovered, I cannot eat another bite. Of anything. For the rest of the meal. I have permanently boycotted three restaurants in my life… and I have stuck to them. They were terrible, terrible offenses, like, giant wads of hair. First, and longest, is The Olive Garden. Found long, long, long brown hairs woven in and out and all around of that “all you can puke” salad. Their treatment of the situation was poor, and I have never gone back. That has probably been about 15 years now. The second was a huge pile of black black hair in some of that fluorescent red “sweet and sour sauce” at a Chinese restaurant, also about 15 years. The third, an unfortunate hair situation wrapped into a Sonic “hair wrap” as the family has now nicknamed them.
Oh, I can hold a grudge. Call me a sucker.
I’m not worried about Jason just yet, I figure he’s stumbled upon a cheese factory and is a little busy ‘tasting’.
I propose a WVSR fieldtrip to the hampster motel!!!
Good Morning Surf Reporters
and it is the wee hours of the morning,that’s why I whispered just now. Truth is I should be saying good night.
I am, at this very moment contemplating staying up for a ridiculous amount of hours. Duty calls in less than 5 hours.
JCIII…since you’re up anyway…!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piPyfqAKf6o
~ Oh DTO
as I type this, it IS 5 in the morning and tears are drying on my face. I’ve finally caught my breath, the laughter has subsided and me belly doesn’t hurt no more.
a word or two to everyone else….
you watch that clip and I guarantee you agree
Eden- Everything but the Girl
Every song is about breaking up, in a slow jazzy kind of vibe.
Its a fine album for lounging in a hammock nursing the alcohol of your choice. Not nearly so good in the winter though.
I do boycott places. Often to my expense. But I have my principles. Not many places to eat, but lots of principles.
They sustain me better than bad food
I told Rolling Rock to go fuck themselves too. I switched to Straub Light. It’s still Pa. beer and it don’t give me the shits even after drinking a case a day for the past 2 years.
Also AWG I miss Greg Beck. He was funny and wrote from the heart. I would have liked to have few drinks with that guy. Ain’t many of us no bullshit types left. Aside from Buck.
I am not sure if there will be an update from Johnny, so here’s my David Brenner monologue. Turn off your TV if you don’t want to read it. However, if you do, feel free to answer the questions:
November 19. 2009
Floriduh Weather, Who Gives a Fuck if Steven Tyler retires and The Stimulus Obama Can’t Give Me
Tolerable Weather
It’s a balmy 74 degrees here this afternoon. I am laughing my ass off at the shoppers at HHGregg’s (do you have these electronic stores near you?) wearing long sleeve shirts and sweaters while trying to find an electronics bargain. The near deads are wearing winter coats and moving so slowly in the parking lot, while walking to the front door, that I want to go check their pulses. For those of you who do not live in Floriduh, this is like a thirty degree day in the Mid-east, or Mid-west or central plains, and most people do not like it one bit. To me, this is the period of the year that I live for and do not hate it here (except for the high cost of living shit that I roll through all year long.) Floriduh is like another goddamn country compared to the rest of the weather the U.S. is getting, and I hate it, with all of my pork chop smothered heart. Ironically, my son was born here and we moved to the snowy mountains of North Carolina and he has no memory of how bad it sucked and the heat was here when he was small. He loves the cold weather. My daughter was born on an ice storm day in NC, then we moved back here and she hates it when it gets below eighty degrees. What is your perfect temp and conditions? At least for this time of year?
Steven Tyler
First of all, I cannot believe that this is Liv Tyler’s father. Todd Rundgren lied for years and told her that he was her father, but once it came out, she seemed to take off in her career. My question is… does anyone care that Aerosmith is going to go on without him? He fell off the stage somewhere in the Midwest and caused all sorts of bodily problems, but what would you expect? Old people don’t heal well. As I mentioned before, I would have been happy if they had gone away, before Run-DMC revived their career. Now, I could care less if we hear another thing from them, as we should always leave on top of our game. Do you want to see Steven Tyler, now age 61, running around in tights and wailing out in a cigarette and whiskey ravaged voice, the songs you remember them from in the Seventies. Please answer in the comments below. Or if you do not like that question, let us know again if you think chili is a meal.
Stimulus
As an introduction to “Stimulus”…… I was awaken at 4:00 am this morning with candles lit all over my bedroom, and the child bride raping me. I am getting to the age that I do not need this stimulus package in lieu of sleep. But I finished the job and just got up for the day after that. The child bride still looks like she did when I met her, when she was eighteen, so getting to the LEVEL was no problem. Side question- Have any of you reached this point in your marriage or relationship that a few times a week is okay and you tend to feel violated, especially if you are awoken in the middle of your sleep for the act? There was a time I would have dropped anything for the act. My wife is still unbelievably hot for age thirty two, but I gotta get SOME sleep for the three jobs, y’know. If you want to patent this bumper sticker, feel free to—- “I’m not tired of fuckin’, I’m just fuckin’ tired”—-Anyway, back to the main object. We determined that the “cash for clunkers” was a failure, although the repo men will probably benefit from it. It remains to be seen, but I feel the “$8,000 to buy a house” thing might fail as well. As mentioned here before, how about college loan forgiveness, or credit card interest elimination. These are things that can actually help us ALL. What type of “stimulus package” would you like to see put into law?
Also, someone explain the “healthcare reform bill” to me. Do we really HAVE to buy it or we will be FINED? Doesn’t that border socialism or something? Or did I dream this?
On IPOD right now- “Madman Across the Water”- Elton J. (I always liked all of Elton’s stuff, until he came out, then it just got too “Pop” for my liking.)
Yeah, SOS, he was great. He also referred to me as “everybody’s favorite mutha fucka”, a title I wear proudly to this day.
Needed Stimulus Package = Jim Beam and various sundry items (drugs) for all !!!!!!!
Yes, I remember the Blitz Kreig death. From start to finish, the story had bullshit painted all over it. Dude dies, from what–hitting his face on a door? Jesus. Then his eye gets infected, then it’s extracted, then it’s curtains on the dude. Not surprising that Metafilter called the bluff. Blitz Kreig’s demise reads like the plot of a B horror movie.
AWG move back to W.Va. get some real winter weather. Seems to toughen up the youngins..except for Jeff.
Fuck Steven Tyler.
Fuck the Stimulus.
Chili is a meal.
Fall weather in Ohio is just about the best, 70-50 degrees is perfect.
Steven Tyler should retire before those lips fall off his face.
As for stimulus, got nuttin on the first part but the second part I agree with you on CfC’s program. The way I understand it a lot of people are going to piss themselves when they get a 1099 from Uncle Sam with $4500 of income on it and have to pay tax on it. Correct me if I’m wrong on that.
$8,000 tax credit for first timers may be enough to get some people moving which in turn could have a ripple effect throughout the housing market which could lead to new appliances and everything else but I have not heard any numbers on how many people are taking advantage of it so who knows that would be a good one for Jason to answer, our resident real estate expert.
Healthcare I ain’t had the time to crack that nut, don’t understand what we’re trying to accomplish. Enlighten me as well.
God dang it I forgot about the chili! Fuck!
I made my fall batch a couple of weeks ago, beans and all! Put it in the freezer in meal sized portions for one. Damn fine MEAL chili let me tell ya!
The crux of the problem:
1) For years you pay monthly insurance premiums to Big Corporation (profiting to the order of billions o’ dollars a year)
2) You get really sick
3) Big Corporation decides to drop you from their insurance plan (you didn’t mention that you were treated for acne (a pre-existing condition) when you were 16 years old).
4) You now have no insurance when you actually need it
5) You cannot get appropriate medical care, and you die. Leaving your family in debt.
Have a nice day
To those of you that are against socialized medicine: Great! Then let’s terminate Medicare immediately!
Rolling Rock always sucked, well before the buyout. You could literally taste the rice and corn in it ( the only grain used in real beer is malted barley, perhaps a touch of wheat if it’s a “Weiss” beer). The only reason it was ever popular is because it had a cool name and a cool bottle. And the people who were sucked in by the cool name and cool bottle didn’t really appreciate good beer anyway (otherwise they would’ve known how bad R.R. sucked).
I went to Belk to get my free full-size Clinique lipstick, as promised, then was turned away because they were out. Now I don’t have time for this bullshit. So I will not be back. I don’t know whether to blame Belk or Clinique, but screw ‘em both. ‘while supplies last’ my ass
Well said, Lee Harvey Ramone.
I’m Canadian. I wish it was 74 here today, it’s actually a balmy 40…which is warm for this time of year.
Aerosmith ain’t going nowhere without Tyler. If they actually manage to recruit a singer foolish enough to jump on the trainwreck, they might squeeze out an album that will be as irrelevant as anything they’ve done in the last 15 years and will almost certainly tarnish the brand.
I’m single so can’t comment personally on stimulus part A but I would venture that many married couples would be lucky to hit a few times a week.
I just had to share this for the walmart game…
http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/573.jpg
Stimulus Part I: Personally, I could go for a “stimulus” romp every day and I’m a forty-fuckin-six year old cougar with my live-in boyfriend of 30. Meow Meow Big Boy. My problem now is that after the BIG “O”, I am awake for hours.
Stimulus Part II: Instead of the $8K to buy a house, how about some help in bailing out the poor souls losing their homes after working their whole life for it……a little forgiveness, forebearance, credit….. something.
…fuckin’ computer… I also wanted to say, for instance, my mortgage company will not accept a partial payment. Even if you are $5 short of the full payment, they will send back the payment until full payment is rendered. WTF? A good friend of mine called the same mortgage company because of her impending divorce, she couldn’t afford the full payment…the husband wouldn’t help, blah, blah… They told her to get a second job!
DTO…I have seen that clip before and it is just as funny now as it was then! Classic!!
http://www.chiaobama.com
Now I know what I’m giving everyone this Xmas……..
Grudges? I also swore I wouldn’t shop at Walmart, but had to give in because my usual source for a particular feminine hygiene product no longer carries the item. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it anywhere else and the choice was to purchase from Walmart or to pay drugstore.com for shipping.
I sold my soul for tampons.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
I almost made it. At 6:30 this morning I was cooking eggs, making coffee and toast, was really gearing up to pull the first all nighter in many many years.
Then it hit me and it all came crashing down. Actually slept for 2 hours, got up just before 9 and was only a little bit late for work. Amazing, considering that once I fell asleep there was no guarantee I would be getting up any time soon. But I did. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Stimulus / stimuli –
I forget the exact figure, but if the gov’t. took all the money it has spent on Iraq and Afghanistan in the last 10 years and divvied it up, each woman, child and man in the US would get a little over $400,000 each.
Then everyone could/would/should pay off their homes, cars, credit cards and live debt free. I know personally that 400 K would tighten me up in a big way.
And yes, where the hell’s Jason been? I’m getting a wee bit concerned too.
Maybe Jason has been tapped to be the national spokesman for Velveeta. Kinda like the Subway’s guy.
He’ll be Velveeta’s Billy May discussing all the different ways you can use Veveeta.
crap…aw…never mind
JCIII-Too bad about your all nighter and did you make the final table? Also, I saw numbers like you posted talked about when the TARP fund was first being talked about, but it just ain’t quite that much. According to the National Priorities Project and I have no idea who the hell they represent they were just the first thing to pop up in google, we’ve spent 915 billion on both wars, probably mostly on waste and fraud but I digress. The population of the US is something like 305 million, divide that into 915 billion and your left with $3,000.00 for every man women and child, and just for you AWG prolly a few of our “guest citizens”. That would still be a nice chunk o’ change but not enough get big wood over.
Guess these guys won’t go back….
http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local-beat/Time-In-Prison–70426052.html?yhp=1
RAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know nothing about no bands, so I don’t have anything to say about that.
I don’t know if this counts or not, but as far as swearing off things, I got violently ill after eating pistachio pudding when I was about 9 years old. It probably had nothing to do with the pudding, but I’ve never forgiven the goopy green stuff. I swear to God I haven’t eaten since. And I never will either.
Now off to read the comments…….
AWG,
Between 50 and 60 degrees is right for me. Fuck the heat.
Fuck Steven Tyler, chili is a meal but it can’t have beans in it – I think we’ve covered this before.
I feel like a piece of meat around my house. My wife stayes knocked up and I can’t get a moment of rest. She’s always grabbing at it, pulling on it, making me do things that make me feel ashamed. No, not really. But if I go more than a few days without running her through something just doesn’t feel right. We’re basically once a dayers, been married about 10 years now.
I think the best stimuli would be to shitcan income taxes for a while.
As someone who recently took advantage of the first time homebuyer credit, I’m re-investing mine in things that Obama would hate to know I’m buying…mainly guns and domestically produced appliances, so I’ m doing my part to stimulate the economy, along with the 15k I spent at Lowe’s this year, and the big ass truck I bought and paid a horrendous amount of taxes AND gov’t fees to drive. Fifty bucks to renew my plates, are you frickin kidding me? Also, between 50 and 70 is perfect temperature—Chili is a meal when served with cornbread and the fixins…Mainly honey for the cornbread and sour cream, cheese and crackers for the chili. And Steven Tyler can suck it.
Of course chili is a meal. A bowl or two and a sleeve of Zestas and I’m in hog heaven. Hell…a 10 ounce bag of Utz Honey BBQ chips is a meal.
Aerosmith? Give it a rest…you are no longer relevant and havent been for quite a while. All these aging rockers need to call it a day. Whats next…a tour sponsored by Hoveround?
60-65 is a perfect temp range. At least I can wear a lite jacket and have pockets for all my shit. Maybe a couple days a year have about 2-3 feet of snow and then back to 65. At least for a couple days it would be fuckin quiet.
I hear that you can make a really decent chili using ground Steven Tyler meat (no beans). Serve it with shredded cheese, sour cream, and crackers. No need to thank me, just doin’ my job.
Good to hear from you Jason. I like the “shitcan the income tax” idea.
Did anyone else have a bad day yesterday?
1. My wife’s aunt died. Then she got mad at me for being insensitive to the tragedy. The woman was 96 years old for Christ’s sake. She lived a long life and was suffering in a nursing home for two months. It was time. I do not mourn like most people and the Child Bride should know that by now.
2. I have (had) a horseshoe of caps placed over my bottom teeth about 12 years ago. Yesterday, the whole thing came off while I was eating lunch. Had to leave work for an emergency dental visit. What is left there are jagged teeth that were shaved down for the horseshoe to fit over them. Dentist could not put it back on. Now, I look like a fucking weasel, with short, thin pointy teeth on the bottom. Monday, they will pull them all and fit me for a denture. Getting old sucks.
3. Fake Dad was cutting open a box, with box cutters. However, he did not follow the number one rule and cut away from his body. He cut toward himself and sliced through his pants and opened up his thigh. 18 stitches.
Is November 19 a bad day? Anything bad happen to you all?
On IPOD right now- “We Want the Funk”- Parliament Funkadelic
The first four Aerosmith albums: Aerosmith (Dream On), Get Your Wings, Toys in the Attic, and Rocks. Brilliant. Just flat out rock’n'roll. After that, things pretty much went downhill. It is unbelievable that they are still being talked about today.
Except for mentioning that Steve Tyler is Liv Tyler’s dad. She is smokin’.
Best break up song – “Extreme Ways”, Moby, off of “18″. Listen to this after your girl dumps you and you will be contemplating suicide. But in a good way.
Chili is a meal. I believe we have covered this before….
AWG-
Perfect weather: late spring or early fall in Western Pennsylvania. I think 68 degrees and sunny is perfect.
Steven Tyler: I don’t give a shit. Now, if Angus or Malcolm quit AC/DC I’d be upset. Saw ‘em recently and they were still surprisingly fucking killer.
An appropriate “stimulus” package would be student loan forgiveness and free beer/cocaine/amphetamines for life — which, if you think about it, wouldn’t cost the taxpayers much because we’d all be dead in a few years.
Yesterday was a shitty one for me too. Maybe Nov. 19 is cursed? Good luck w/the teeth. Getting old does suck.
JCIII — at least you did your best. On Tuesday night I crashed on the couch for 1 hour around Midnight after drinking all afternoon and evening, then got up and did it all over again until it was time to go to work. I made it, but barely.
On iTunes: Leon Russell — “Stranger in a Strange Land”
Good to see you back, Jason. I was afraid you might’ve walked into a door.
I think I read this on Twitter yesterday: In real life, if you haven’t heard from someone in awhile, maybe you should be concerned and go looking for them or somehting. In a virtual community, it probably just means they’re tending to their real life.
Glad to hear from you Jason. I guess you’ve been MIA cause you’ve been having sex all the time? Is that what you’re saying?
AWG – hope Friday is a better day for you and your family. fell like you’ve put all that bad juju behind you?
mountie9wv – Hope you see this. I don’t live in Bumpass but I go there from time to time to the Farm to record. D.H. Has a gerat little studio and he’s one of the best producers/songwriters/guitarists I know.
In case you didn’t know Bumpass is right around the corner from Cukoo VA.
Rat Bastard- Unfortunately, Brian Johnson says he will probably quit next spring. He lives here and I see him a lot when he is in town. In 2005, I watched the Pats/Philly Superbowl with him, as he was a good friend of the musician my mother-in-law was dating. Awesome dude and knows a lot about American football. Angus and Malcolm were lucky to find this guy after Bon died. Don’t know if they can find another similar voice now.
On IPOD right now- “Breaking The Habit”- Linkin Park
AWG — that’s fucking crazy that you know him — cool as hell! They’ll probably just break up if he leaves. Bah. I’ve listened to them since I was 7 years old.
Joe T,
Qweezy still swears he doesn’t F5 The Report from NOON till whenever it’s posted…are you buying ?
Chilli is a meal.
Well, the bad mojo wasn’t global. Nov 19th is my anniversary date at the new gov’t career, which means I got a raise yesterday.
NP on work PC: “Mordecai” – Between the Buried and Me
The senior sports writer for my hometown (Tallahassee, FL) newspaper apparently died yesterday (Nov 19) at the age of 54. So, yeah, I guess the day did suck for a number of people (especially in FL?). Remember to be thankful for every single day
Also, this just in….
Uga VII, the white English bulldog mascot for the University of Georgia’s football team for almost two seasons, died Thursday (Nov 19) of heart-related causes, the dog’s owner said
Rat Bastard- his wife, Brenda is pretty cool, as well. Not a young hottie like most rockers grab as a trophy, but a very nice, average looking middle aged woman. She manages a couple of local bands that are trying to make it big from here.
On IPOD right now- “Wonder Wheel”- Dan Zanes (yeah, it’s a kid’s song, what of it?)
Me and meatloaf don’t speak anymore. Exorcism type projectile vomiting of the loaf of meat at age 10 sealed that deal.
AWG – Have some compassion and quit yer bitchin’! Somewhere there is a pasty, lonely shell of a married man weeping while he jerks it to a 10 second clip of free porn cuz his wife only gives it up on arbor day and February 29th.
RNK- I know, I shouldn’t complain. At least my teeth fell out and not my balls.
On IPOD right now- “5/4″- Gorillaz
Of course chili is a meal Cartoon, especially if you spell it right.
Hey Rat Bastard;
I am fond of downers and my favorite letter is “V”
So, I vote for stimulus of vicodin, vodka, valium, and vaginas.
I think your supposed to spell chili with two L’s if you put beans in it.
Google Update: WVSR still 2nd to….Electric 102.7 | Today’s Hottest Music…The WVSR is #1…West Virginia Surf Report is #1….Good Job Jeffy!
“I just spurted”…j.kuhn
AWG — sounds like he’s pretty down to earth. That’s cool.
haroxdan — some friends of mine would be right there with you on that vote. I guess there’s a “C” word that corresponds with the last one in your list, but that wouldn’t be a nice thing to put on a fambly site like this, would it? Heh…
Happy Friday, Surf Reporters!
Domino’s Pizza is on my business boycott list, not only for their pretty crappy pizza, but for the way the fundamentalist nutjob who founded it bigotedly spends his gazillions. However, I bought a TV that came with 10 free Domino’s pizzas so I got those, justifying it because it would actually cost them more money if I took the pizzas rather than not doing so. Shit pizzas though, support your local independent pizza place.
Jeff,
Wow, thanks man!
If I hit my eyeball on a door and it starts looking like it might end up taking me out, I’m not saying a fucking word about it. I’d be too emberassed. What a shitty way to go out.
Thanks for all the love peoples. I’ve been busy starting a new job. We’re having babies at a pretty fast clip these days and I need some more monies. Gotta get a bigger house. Sheesh!
Should have kept my mouth shut! Others had back luck, people died but noooooo, I get online and talk about a positive Nov 19th, my job anniversary date and a supposed raise…
So on Nov 20th, someone backs into me while I’m patiently stopped at a red light!! She was backing up to change lanes and says she didn’t SEE me…it was dark and raining so I had the damn driving lights on (looks like 4 freaking headlights!) and a line of cars behind me! She managed to hurt the bumper, hood, fender, headlight assy, and turning signal…at 3 mph!
http://i718.photobucket.com/albums/ww185/Kevindust/BacktotheFront20-11-09008.jpg
AWG, so your kinda looking like the guy on the Bunker cam?
Good Morning/Night Surf Reporters….
What ever happened to Jimmy Kuhn….?
Word around the campfire is he just spurted.
Jimmy’ s working in the door department at …”LUMBER LIQUIDATORS”
Re: WVSR Classic – I wonder if that company now makes a cell phone version.
Yes, Not Oprah, except the fangs are on the bottom.
Colts, 10-0!
On IPOD right now- “When The Levee Breaks”- Led Zep
Back to the bad day thing. I google “November 19 Bad Day” and found out that November 19 is officially called “Bad Day Day” This explains it all. Now I don’t feel so bad about it (last Thursday, Novemebr 9)
On IPOD right now- “House Party”- J. Geils Band
Haven’t read any of the comments yet, so if someone said this, I am all dittos and shit:
Twenty-nine extra bucks per month
should not be a make-or-break-decision
Android, Jeff… make me proud so I can live vicariously
Here is a great post on buying a droid
..even though you wanted to but really wasn’t ready to.
http://dotlizard.com/posts/2009/11/and-then-all-of-a-sudden-i-bought-a-droid/
Perfection in capturing the moment