An Unfocused Tuesday Mess!
Toney and the Secrets left for Canada Monday morning, before I was even out of bed. So, it’ll just be me and Black Lips Houlihan until Thursday afternoon…
Andy’s getting the short end of the stick, because he’s not used to being home alone; I have to work every night, and he’ll be an emotional basket-case by the time Toney returns. Any small change to the program, you see, sends him spiraling to the fringe of a full doggie-breakdown. I might have to give him an occasional Yuengling.
Nostrils is also away this week (visiting one of the many “parents” he pulls out of his ass), so if Toney and the boys hadn’t gone to the House of Nancy, the House of Nancy would’ve surely come to us. I’m already missing my family… but it had to be done.
When they crossed the border into Canada, the guard asked Toney if she’d brought a letter from the Secrets’ father, saying it was OK to take them out of the country. And Toney said something along the lines of, “Wha’?”
Irritated, the woman told Toney not to say anything else, and began grilling the boys with a litany of questions. Where is your father? Why is he not traveling with you? Would it be OK if we called him? Has he ever let-loose a super-amplified tuba fart in the men’s department of a JCPenney?
You know, things like that…
Toney called me last night, and said Nancy is going on and on about all the money she and Nossy are making now. According to her, they’re practically awash in Canadian dollars. I guess it helps when the husband finally joins the workforce at (what?) fifty years old?
But now that they have a little money for the first time ever, they’re not only getting obnoxious about it, but also starting to complain about taxes, etc. Isn’t that classic? Gone are the days of high-horse socialistic pontification. Now it’s just “I got mine, you get yours, bitch.”
Toney and I were talking about the Dakota on Sunday, and how cool it would be to live there. She even went online and found us a three-bedroom apartment in the building, for $38,000 per month.
Yeah, that might be a tad out of our price range… I don’t know, but we’ll probably have to make alternative arrangements. Like staying right where we are.
And anyway, I’m not sure how much I’d realistically enjoy living in an apartment, in the middle of big-city chaos all the time. They make it look very pleasant on Family Affair, but I’m not completely convinced.
A compromise might be better. Maybe someday I’ll be able to buy a half-acre plot of land, in Manhattan somewhere, and build a split-level suburban home on it. I can see me out there washing my car on the driveway, in the shadow of the Chrysler Building or whatever, and mowing the lawn and waving as the tour buses go past.
Yeah, that would probably be better. But how far is the closest Target? I’d need to know that, before any final decisions could be made.
I also like the idea of building some nondescript cinderblock home somewhere, and having a massive high-tech bunker complex underneath it. From the street it would look like nothing special, but would actually be a 10,000 square foot extravaganza of ridiculousness, mostly underground.
Do you ever daydream about having an extreme home of some sort? Or is that just me? If you think the same kind of thoughts, and don’t mind revealing your ideas, tell us about it in the comments. ‘Cause I’d like to know.
I went to the beer store on Thursday morning, and decided to take a look around. Needless to say, I’m there all the time, but rarely venture too far from the Yuengling cooler. This time, for some reason, I had the urge to browse.
And mixed-in amongst the microbrews with novelty names (like Arrogant Bastard Ale), and the crap I used to drink in 1979 (Stroh’s, Genesee, Mickey’s Big Mouth) was two lonely cases of Fuller’s ESB. I couldn’t believe it. We rode past the Fuller’s Brewery in London several times, and had consumed (and enjoyed) many of their products while there.
I went to the checkout and asked the guy how much a case would cost me, and he said $36.17. I thought about it for a couple of seconds, and lost my nerve. I just sighed and bought yet another case of the golden elixir (for $16.95), then went home.
And before I’d even reached our house I realized I was going to be obsessed with those cartons of Fuller’s, beautiful Fuller’s. I started breaking it down by bottle, and realized they would only be a buck-fifty each. And mister, when you start breaking it down by bottle…
Yeah, I lasted two days and was over there buying a case. I put it in the downstairs fridge, let it cool throughout the day, and Toney and I had two each before dinner that night. Damn good. Just the smell transports me to the Red Lion Pub, or the Lamb and the Flag.
It’s the best $36.00 I’ve spent… in August.
And since we’re sorta on the subject, what’s your favorite wacky microbrew name? There are a ton of ‘em now: so many I can’t keep up. Do any stick out in your mind? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And the picture at the top of this update? Well, so far two things have made me laugh out loud today (twos for Tuesday!), and that was one of them. Buck sent it to me. It’s reportedly from a special pre-season football section of his hometown newspaper, and is a pic of a pair of linemen from a local high school team. Heh.
Also, I believe this is taken from the Rush Limbaugh show (but don’t worry… it’s non-political). Made me laugh.
Finally, since I’m STILL having trouble with the FrontPage website (grrrr…), I pasted my NYC pictures into WordPress. You can check them out here and here, if you’re so inclined.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
Could be first – maybe not.
Boo-ya!
First? Impossible.
Apartments in NYC are only cool if they’re not the size of a shower stall, and if they come with their own Mr. French.
Good call on the Fuller’s, especially with the joy it brought you.
I can’t think of any brew names at the moment, but I’ve always loved the wines called “Fat Bastard” and “Old Fart” – especially good for obnoxious gift-giving at milestone birthdays.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…………..
wish I could say shit was getting better, but…….
I would’ve been first, but I was composing my message.
Great update…unfortunately the Chinese thing didn’t do it for me though…
When it comes to special hootch, no price is out of the question. Remember that. Also know that I don’t pay more than 5 bucks for a bottle of wine…because I’m a cheap old hobo only after the buzz and not much else.
In light of not having a new Further Evidence link, I bring you this, courtesy of Drudge:
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D92LHCK80&show_article=1
I suppose “Dead Man Standing” would be a great name for a beer, though.
It took me almost two days to read the WVSR Cam link.
Is this the first self-portrait of you, Mr. Kay? well, its the first for me anyway. nifty. maybe you’re slowly revealing your identity so you can build up the nerve to offer a viewing of BEANS.
“super-amplified tuba fart” – too funny!
i would love to live in a giant tree house. or a house with an indoor yard complete with grass and a few trees for my dog to pee on.
Dude, I had a bottle (half-gallon) of Arrogant Bastard Ale at a pub in Philly once. The bottle said “You are not good enough for this beer.” Man, it was right. The first few swallows were ok but towards the bottom was nothing but silt and sediment from some godless grain that they used to brew the stuff.
Actually after I finished the bottle I think I blacked out and drooled on myself but that could just be the story my friends told me.
A selfportrait! Now we know what you look like in the wild!
Also, the chinese thing? I listened to a little of it here at work, then realized that my cube neighbor is CHinese…and so couldn’t listen to all of it for fear that I’d start a race war here in the hallowed halls of Pharma.
I’d love to live in a treehouse. One of those fancy-a** ones with no bugs as AC. That’d be awesome. Or a castle…WIth a moat and dungeoun. Mwuahahahaa!
When not drinking Fullers ESB on -tap, I drink Avery. That would be my only reason to move to Boulder.
Tiff – I would gladly be your Mini-me. Mwuahahahaa!
Polygamy Porter – “Why have just one?” (brewed in Utah)
http://www.wasatchbeers.com/beers.html
He-brew’s Re-Jewvenator ale is quite good, as is Dead Guy, but Arroganty Bastard, especially the oak aged ones, are great
Tiff, r u from “WF”? I live in “Rollsvile”.
Hop Wallop, Hop Devil, Maharajah from Avery (the barleywine of IPA’s), Arrogant Bastard (You’re not worthy!),
Jeff, has Andy had a stroke? He acts like mr. kenju! LOL
I’ll move in to the tree house with Tiff.
Shiny Rod, are you really that close to us?
The Belgians have a unique sense of humor when naming some of their beers…Lucifer, Duvel (devil in Flemish), Satan, Mort Subite (Sudden Death), Delirium Tremens
Three Stooges Beer.
Great Name. Shitty Beer!
Yay!
I finally tried a Sierra Nevada (I’ve never been very adventurous with beer) in Brattleboro, Vermont. It was nice and cold, and crisp, but a little more bitter than I realllly like. didn’t stop me from finishing it though, because, you know, it was nice and cold. Lately I have been choosing Blue Moon. (I was late to the Blue Moon bandwagon.)
I don’t have any single extreme home ideas, but if I ever win some obscene amount of money I would like to have a house “at home” (NJ Shore), a great but not too extravagant apartment in NYC, a horse farm upstate or in VT, and a place on an island somewhere. Keep a full wardrobe in each place, and all that. yeah, that’d be cool.
Don’t drink the devil’s brew no more but when I did I thought the name Carlsberg Elelphant Ale was a pretty weird name.
Moose Drool. Haven’t brought myself to try it yet though. I guess now I have to.
Fantasy dream house – one with a giant greenhouse.
I am happy to see from the photo that the blind tiger bartender was not a friend of mine…
All of my house plans include an exact replica of Elvis Presley’s “Jungle Room”.
There’s a local microbrew called “Knuckle Draggers” and it’s pretty damn good.
Family Affair?? Keep dating yourself, there Jeff. (Yeah, so what if I remember it?)
Beers…hmmm… Small Craft Warning from Heavy Seas Brewery comes to mind, add to that, they have Ralph Steadman-like labels.
Fantasy house…4000 sq ft one-story TX Limestone in the Texas Hill Country with a 500 sq ft kitchen inside and another outside near the pool…oh, and a keg of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale with a tap handle inside and outside.
I must take exception to the reference of Genesee beer as sub-standard. The Cream Ale a.k.a. “screamers” are quite potable.
Having said that….after watching the Olympics last night, I feel like a fat slob.
Hal
Horse Piss Ale, available at the Deadwood Saloon in Covington Kentucky.
I’m also partial to all dogfishhead products with names like Aprihop (girly apricot ipa or some such) and my favorite Fort (just because it looks like fart).
And as far as crazy living spaces, I want to live in a missile silo, without the looming threat of having to launch armegeddon of course. I would just hope that when wwIII hits that the russians still don’t have it targeted.
Not an adventurer and too cheap to really experiment with my beer! But I think my dog might be related to Andy. He’s just as neurotic. All during the Olympics he has been just a basket case. All of the whooping and hollering we’re doing cheering on the good ‘ole USA has him shaking all over like a washer on the spin cycle. Like you say about Andy…anything out of the ordinary can turn him into an emotional trainwreck. Dogs can sure be funny that way…
right about now, I don’t give a good gutdamn what the name is, I just need a freaking drink…….
I’m on the verge of tearing the heads off of puppies and stabbing nuns in the face……
My exrteme home would house lots of garage space, obviously without looking like a garage. 5 or 6 cars at least. A spot for the daily driver, and spots for the projects.
Jeff, your $36/case of beer still better than the $42 we have to shell out up here.
“permission slips” have been standard fare at the border for years if one or both parents are note present. I forget the stats, but there is a surprising amount of kids “caught” at the border where a parent is trying to abduct them.
from the canuk bp: “Even if you are not divorced from the child’s other parent, bring the other parent’s written permission to take the child over the border. Include contact information so border guard can call the other parent if necessary.”
from the us bp: “Have.notarized.travel.permission.letters.for.
minors.traveling.without.their.parents,.if.
possible..If.the.child.is.only.accompanied.by.one.
parent,.the.adult.should.have.a.notarized.note.
from.the.child’s.other.parent—or,.in.the.case.
of.a.child.traveling.with.grandparents,.uncles.
or.aunts,.sisters.or.brothers,.or.friends,.a.note.
signed.by.both.parents,.stating.”I.acknowledge.
that.my.wife/husband/etc..is.traveling.out.of.the.
country.with.my.son/daughter..He/She/They.
have.my.permission.to.do.so.”
tiny url to the google cache of the CPB.gov pdf;
http://tinyurl.com/6eacnl
If Tony can make a reasonable forgery of your signature, she might want to prepare that permission slip you signed
before she heads back.
Shiny Rod – Yup.
You ARE coming to the Blogging the Square party in RowLee next Saturday, aren’t you?
Deets on my blog. Be there. You’ll know how to find me.
Two new beers at a local brew pub: Silver Mullet and Devil’s Thumb. Thought those were pretty good names.
Three Stooges Beer!
I have a six pack of that in the cabinet.
Red Jacket from Cannon Brew Pub – Columbus, GA – really good after “stare and compare” – you can even buy your own mug and leave it there….
I used to have a nice cabin in the woods.
Now the FBI has it.
Fuckers.
Some great microbrew names here in Montana. Moose Drool, Pig’s Ass Porter, Troutslayer, and Bongwater spring to mind.
I had an Arrogant Bastard once in Alaska (only place I’ve seen it since!). It was pretty hoppy and intense, but I liked it.
Some nominees for good beer names:
Bronze: “Old Rasputin” Russian Imperial Stout from [some west coast micro]
Silver: “Old Horizontal” barleywine from Victory Brewing of Downingtown, Pa. [Jeff, if you're going to make a habit of buying $36 cases of beer, try a Victory product or two - they're excellent, and probably very fresh for you.]
Gold: “Dominator” dopplebock from Old Dominon Brewing of Ashburn, Va. Dopplebocks are supposed to have a name that ends with -ator, see, and tend to have pretty high alcohol, and… never mind.
Lifetime Achievement Award to all the Belgians, as 2Tall pointed out.
I’ve already designed my dream home, complete with a panoramic view from the gun room and a basement theater complete with concession area. Always great to look at house plans though and think about living there. As for beer, Old Leghumper from the Thirsty Dog Brewing Company in Akron, OH takes top honors in my book.
These treehouses were on my AOL Welcome Screen. This is my extreme home fantasy now:
http://home.aol.com/decorating/photo-gallery/pch/_a/13-tremendous-tree-houses/20080814120309990001?icid=100214839x1207974249x1200404065
Years ago I used to work in the City of London and frequented a great Fullers pub in Brick Lane most lunchtimes. The landlord took extraordinary care of the beer and won numerous awards for his cellar keeping.
Favourite drink at lunchtime then was London Pride as ESB can be a little heavy – though I knew quite a few people who would have a half-and half mix of ESB/Pride. Makes a surprisingly good drink with a character of its own, though it may not work so well with bottled beer. Might be worth a try though.
Last!!
A split-level house has always been my dream
You walk in the front door
and you have a choice
up or down
red pill, blue pill
And yes, if ever acquired
I want a level below the lower level
for my bunker
..with its own power source of course.
Oh god, that picture of the Slaughtered Lamb made me depressed – I have spent so many nights on that block!!! If you’re ever in that area sans Secrets, go across the street and down the stairs to Down the Hatch for awesome food (Atomic Wings – NYC chain) and even better beer specials.
Ohio Susan……… The cabinet is the best place for 3 stooges beer, really neat label, but exceptionally shitty beer !!!!!!!
I hated that show Family Affair. That sweet little buffy girl grew up to become a junkie and ODed. Dead as a doornail she is. Uncle Bill committed suicide. I think he was in excruciating pain from something and could not get relief. Used to see him in some old movies. Seemed like a nice guy.
I may be entirely too late to the party on this one, but Diane, if you’re ever back in Brattleboro, the beer is at McNeills! You will not regret it.
As far as dream homes: recently Knucklehead mentioned the Post Ranch Inn. It took me back to a time years ago when one of my friends apprenticed with its architect Mickey Muennig. He had a house built into the edge of the world in Big Sur, with a large bed suspended from the ceiling of a glass turret, so you’d be practically flying over the Pacific Ocean while you sleep. I think it’s the one you can see on the “Green House” page on mickeymuennig.com
That’s for me. And they had some pretty amazing tree houses there for the rest of you, too, from what I remember. Rent’s probably similar to the Dakota, though…
St. David’s Ale – from Wales (?!).
I tried it ‘back in the day’ at some wannabe snob bar in…
…Elkins, West Virginia.
I love tons of microbrew names, but the one I like to drink the most is Double Crooked Tree IPA. It’s like 13%.
And yes, who hasn’t thought of having a house with an underground bunker or layer? I wanted a secret passageway from the top level to the basement in a winding stone staircase, spitting me out in my laboratory (which would be a music studio/master library). And I also want my house to have something called “The North Tower”. I almost don’t care how it looks or its function, but I must have “The North Tower”.
Other Krristin – OMG. The treehouses!
Awesome. Thanks.
blorch – you can buy “Arrogant Bastard” at Total Wine in Cherry Hill, NJ and presumably their other stores.
My dream house when I was a kid was one of those big, old houses in the horror movies that had secret passages in the walls, and bookcases in the library that swivelled around to reveal hidden rooms.
Canada border crossings…those border people pretty good. When I go across, they seem so nice and unassuming, asking you friendly questions, and acting like you are a friend. But, if you actually think about the questions they ask you, they are all in a logical order. You are actually being grilled under a bare light bulb, but they are so super friendly acting that it’s barely noticeable.
Contrast that to getting back into the U.S:
Customs: “Country of citezenship? ”
Me: “U.S.”
Customs: “Anything to declare?”
Me: “2 bottles of Tylenol with codeine, which is a controlled, narcotic substance in the United States, and unavailable without a prescripition.
Customs: “Okay, you may pass. Have a nice day.”
Pike St brewing in Seattle makes a delicious beverage called “Kilt Lifter”-
J Shifty – Mickey used to hang out at Post Ranch frequently. Really nice, but a bit of a space cadet.
Arrogant Bastard is available at a lot of places in Jersey. I like a lot of the Victory Brewery beers. Those Belgiam beers can really sneak up on you with the alcohol content, 9% makes a quick impact!
I think there’s a show on HGTV (could have the wrong network) called Extreme Living that has all sorts of cool houses.
I tried to buy an old AT&T building from a guy a few years ago. There was just a small building above ground, but the place was massive underground. Of course, the steel doors wouldn’t open if the power went out, but the backup generator that filled one room would’ve kept the beer in the fridge from going skunky. Sadly, the old fart refused. He’d rather fill it with junk than let me hide underground from all my claustrophobic relatives.
I saw a documentary a few months ago called Home Movie by Chris Mills, it’s about some pretty whacky folks living in crazy houses. There’s the converted missile silo, the Hawaiian treehouse, the Bayou barge etc… Pretty funny esp. if you’ve got a few brews in ya.
Tiff – got some appointments to hit but I should be around after 5, c ya.
here’s a few more for ya; Blue Point Brewing’s “Hoptical Illusion”, Middle Ages’ “Kilt Tilter”, Legacy Brewing’s “Hoptimus Prime”, Stoudt’s “Smooth Hoperator”, and perhaps my favorite name of all…Sixpoint Craft Ales’ “Hop Obama”
k this is a two parter…the microbrew is from montreal, called “mau-dite ale” (pronounced kinda like mow deet”
it takes some getting used to, but on the label it’s got a picture of the devil paddling a canoe over the moon. yeah…over the moon!
it was in maxim i swear!
k as for the house, my rediculous house looks like a simple 1000 square foot bungalow from the front, sitting on a nice hill, with a driveway up the front. come at it from the opposite direction and you realise it’s a 4 level monstrosity built into the side of a hill, every front room having a spectacular view of…whatever’s in front, preferrably a lake or valley. built in behind it, atwo or three level garage built underground for all manner of foolishness and unecessary toys. maybe a special secret high tech bunker where i can plot the demise f the western world….
hello?
Yes, I too pine for a spare room of 10,000 sq.ft. or so.
I’ve got an acre and a quarter on a hilltop that I figure needs to be “hollowed out”.
Anyone seen a deal on a good used TBM. Maybe now that they’ve finished the Chunnel…….
A radio talk show host (Bob and Tom) some years ago characterized the perfect working wife’s home as being 10000 sq ft with no bedrooms or a kitchen.
I visited my local grocery store (Lowes Foods) and low and behold Jeff, one of your favorite elixirs (Fullers) and the had three in stock (London Pride, London Porter and ESB) and they were on sale at(10.99 for a 6 pack of pints). Best Thirty Three bucks I ever spent and I didn’t lose my nerve, snatched up one of each and now I am enjoying a variety of Fullers flavor.
BTW – Check this out!
Win 4 nights at a Fuller’s London Hotel
Fuller’s is proud to offer one lucky winner the chance to visit the Fuller’s Brewery. Travel to London and stay at the Sanctuary House Hotel as guests of the Fuller’s family. Fuller’s will treat the winners to theatre tickets, lunch at the Brewery as well as dinner at one of the Fuller’s Pubs in London
http://www.fullers-ales.com/promotions.php
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