The Advertising Slogans We Love

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

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A few nights ago Clive Bull asked his listeners to call-in and tell him what they believe are the most memorable advertising slogans of all time.

And I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Zero. Every reference was unknown to me, almost every product a mystery. I mean, what the crap’s Fairy Liquid? If I were forced to guess, I’d probably say it’s the name of one of the dancers at the Pink Pony. I got nothing, really.

When we were in London (at almost exactly this time last year — *sniff*) I was a little surprised at how Americanized the TV programming was. I’d flip through the channels at night, and we could’ve been in Cincinnati, or Raleigh. It was all loaded-up with Friends reruns, and Everybody Loves Raymond. Just like it is here.

But the advertising slogans Clive’s callers were pulling out of their, uh, bums, baffled me. I had no connection to any of them. However, and I find this to be amazing, I listened to the whole three hours, and enjoyed the hell out of it. I guess that’s the sign of a great host, huh?

I took the liberty of lifting the final list off Clive’s blog, and posting it here. But, just for fun, I replaced one of the slogans with a line from an old Surf Report rant. Can you spot it? I bet it’s not easy…

It does exactly what it says on the tin.
For hands that do dishes…
A Mars a Day helps you work rest and play.
I bet he drinks Carling Black Label.
Should have gone to Specsavers.
Eating like a hog ain’t a gland.
For Mash get Smash.
Go to work on an egg.
Watch out there’s a Humphrey about.
If you see Sid tell him.

A few are easy to figure out, but what do you think some of those are promoting, anyway? Especially the last two. What the?

And what do you believe are the most memorable American slogans?

When I was but an ugly youngster, there was a sprawling furniture store in our town, called Fad. I have no idea where that name came from — Fad Furniture? — it seems kind of strange to me now.

But they had TV commercials that always featured the tagline: When Fad has a sale, Fad has a sale! This was usually shouted repeatedly, at a volume generally reserved for people attempting to communicate with a person trapped inside a collapsed mine.

But it was memorable, and I seem to recall it won a few national advertising awards.

Another local slogan: At the sign of the happy clown! Heh. Do any of the West Virginia readers remember that one?

Of course, there’s plenty of memorable national advertising slogans. Stuff like Great Taste, Less Filling, Where’s the beef? and that sort of thing. But I’m most interested in the local ones; they’re usually more colorful and ridiculous.

In Atlanta, for instance, there was a barbecue restaurant with Put Some South In Your Mouth painted (crudely) on the outside. And there was (is?) a bar there, with the slogan, A Buckhead Tradition Since February.

And in California we frequented a brew pub whose tagline was, Just Because You Work For a Faceless Corporation, Doesn’t Mean You Have to Eat at One. Kinda cumbersome, but effective…

So, that’s the Question of the Day: what are your favorite advertising slogans? They can be national, or local. As my spiritual advisor, J. Mascis, says, whatever’s cool with me.

And before I call it a day here, I have a very exciting announcement for you guys. My good friend Brad, who I met during a previous lifetime at Peaches Records, and his wife Wendy, are celebrating the birth of their son.

Check him out: the world’s youngest Surf Reporter!

Congratulations, guys. He looks perfect, and I couldn’t be happier for you. It’s terrific news. This weekend I’ll hoist a sweaty microbrew in your honor. All THREE of you. Excellent.

And that’s going to do it for today, boys and girls.

I’ll be back tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

Filed under: Daily

126 Responses to “The Advertising Slogans We Love”

tadpolegal, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:16 pm Said:

First!
Dogberryjr, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:18 pm Said:

It’s amazing, it’s incredible!! Kemp Mill records breaks its own records!!! [Hammer comes down smashing LP as it spins on the turntable]

I miss the store, but not the 100 decibel ads.
Bill in WV, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:20 pm Said:

I recall getting into trouble quite a bit while our gang “toured” Fad Furniture.

The happy clown thing was Jule Huffman’s house, I think?
greg t, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:20 pm Said:

You wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent…

And ya can’t forget Reddy killowat
shinywilly, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Said:

Top 5 two days in a row !!!!
FurrrX, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Said:

Everybody who knows goes to Melrose… not
Bill in WV, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Said:

Camden Park, the home of shitty no-thrill rides.
Greg in Cincinnati, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:22 pm Said:

“Eating like a hog ain’t a gland” must have come from Jeff’s mouth (fingers).
NDfaninAZ, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:23 pm Said:

top 10! just like David Letterman…
flamingomom, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:24 pm Said:

I used to work at Kemp Mill Records. When people would ask where I worked, and I would tell them, I would get treated to a long tirade about the terrible TV commercial with the hammer and the record player…
My most memorable is Ronald McDonald, the hamburger happy clown with Willard Scott.
Bill in WV, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:24 pm Said:

Oh forgot, “Congrats to Brad, Mom and Baby” !!
Limey, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:28 pm Said:

For hands that do dishes… Mild Green Hairy Lip Squid.
harumpa, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:30 pm Said:

Crazy Eddie’s and Happy Harry’s.
SeeKar, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:31 pm Said:

Ken Nugent, Atlanta personal injury attorney:

“Ken Nugent turned my wreck…. into a check!”
caracakes, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:34 pm Said:

I should’a bought it, when i saw it, at Marden’s!
Reny’s – a Maine adventure!
Save big money at Menards
Tattoo Charlie’s – tattoos while you wait
Brandy, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:36 pm Said:

“We’re number 1 in the number 2 business!”

A local septic tank service uses that one, but i’d be shocked, just shocked, if it wasn’t used on the side of a truck for every town’s number 1 septic service provider.
Nurse Ratched, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:36 pm Said:

“Crazy Eddie – his prices are I-N-S-A-A-A-N-E”
ashton, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:37 pm Said:

for a local waste management company:

“Our business stinks, but it’s picking up!!”
Joe T., on February 25th, 2009 at 2:41 pm Said:

“On Mundy Street, on Mundy Street, on Mundy Street, that’s Mundy Street!”

For Van Scoy Diamond Mine in Wilkes-Barre, PA.
Knucklehead, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:44 pm Said:

The Price Slasher. He was right on the corner and right on the price!
Car Dealer in Silicon Valley BEFORE it was “Silicone Valley”.

Happy Wednesday, Surfers!
Jorge, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:44 pm Said:

Local furniture store: You’ve got an uncle in the furniture business.

Appliance Store: I’ll give you five pounds of coffee if I can’t beat your best deal! (Or something like that.)

Car Maker: Have you driven a Ford lately? Hey, they’re headquartered down street. It counts as local.

There are probably a few more, but I have to go to class now.
JCIII, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:46 pm Said:

Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!

There are so many annoying/memorable local ad slogans, I’m gonna’ hafta think on this one…..
Laura, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:52 pm Said:

I forgot about WHEN FAD HAS A SALE, FAD HAS A SALE!

Thanks for the earworm.
Son of Sam, on February 25th, 2009 at 2:57 pm Said:

JCIII that ninty twenty guy makes me want to jump off the Monaca bridge.
David Lee Ramone, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:05 pm Said:

“Eating like a hog ain’t a gland”

That’s not a commercial jingle, that good ole’ country wisdom from JK

Childhood memory from an ubiquitous commercial:

“All Fords are created equal; Havana Ford makes the difference”
Oral Roberts, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:10 pm Said:

Car salesman Cal Worthington and his dog Spot.
Usually a circus animal, never a dog.
Oral Roberts, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:13 pm Said:

Ho, Ho, Ho, Green Giant.
xcruser88x, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:15 pm Said:

Van Scoys is a blast from the past. I remember NEPA as a haven of terrible diamond ads on the radio.

I’m a lucky girl, hooray, oh boy
Look at my diamond, it came from Van Scoy
My boyfriend bought it, saved lots of money, too
Van Scoy’s the diamond king, yes he’s the man for you.

But my favorite remains Steve Hydock. I always picture the crushed looks on the faces of the radio commercial singers who were forced to sing this line as the commercial closed.

“Steve Hydock diamonds! Kingston Corners, near Burger King!”
FirstNations, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:17 pm Said:

from oregon:

“WAKE UP! (crazed man with a buzz cut knocks on the inside of the tv screen during late night horror movies) WAKE UP! ITS TOM PETERSONS YEAR END DISCOUNT CLEARANCE SALE and have WE got a BARGAIN for YOU!”

used to freak my baked ass out every single time.
Oral Roberts, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:20 pm Said:

Motor cycle goin down a country road making this sound-
Rainnnnn Nearrrrrrr Beeeeerrrrr
Raineer Beer was local in Northwest.
They made quite a few good comercials, some with frogs ribetting Raineer Beer years before the Budwieser frogs.
tiff, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:37 pm Said:

From the DC area late-nite in the early 70′s:

Joon Rhee school of Karate!
(little boy says)”Nobuddy bahdah me!”
(little girl says)”nobuddy bahdah me eeder!” (winks)

Those kids are at least 40 now, yet to me they’re forever preschoolers…
2Tall, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:43 pm Said:

@Oral-
About Cal Worthington and his “dog” Spot, you forgot “If I can’t make you a better deal, I’ll eat a bug”
Rob, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:45 pm Said:

When I lived in NYC, there was a radio ad that came on every so often. Some guy in a demonic voice announced, “Moomsday is here. Moomsday. MOOOOOMSDAAAAAY!” It was a commercial for someplace local called Moomjy, which apparently sold rugs and furniture. I never went there. I was too scared.
2Tall, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:45 pm Said:

The Monster Truck ads for Irwindale or Ontario Motor Speedway…SUNDAY!! SUNDAY!! SUNDAY!!
BE THERE-ERE-ERE!!!!
Pagan, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:49 pm Said:

Expat Brit to the rescue:1) Wood Stain, 2) Fairy liquid-dishwashing soap, 3) Mars Bar, 4) Cheap Lager(originally from Carling O keefe Brewery in Canada), 5) Cheap eyeglasses. 6)Jeff made this up:) 7) Instant mashed Potatoes, Eggs, 9)Home milk delivery, 10)British gas(what you get after consuming 4 & 8).
Brandy, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:53 pm Said:

It’s Shake ‘n Bake! And I helped!
Chris McMahon, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:56 pm Said:

For a local used car dealer: “Where Paddock means Vine at the big indian sign”

The Big Indian: http://www.flickr.com/photos/10707024@N04/3217929160/
Pagan, on February 25th, 2009 at 3:58 pm Said:

My favourite local commercial was for a truck dealership in Florida: The homliest woman in the world yelling at the T.V “Don’t buy no ugly truck”
Bill in WV, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:01 pm Said:

Yul Brynner and his cancer-eaten-up ass. “Don’t smoke”.
Renee, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:02 pm Said:

Whenever I was younger and someone said “Uh oh” I instinctively followed it with “Better get Maaco.” I had no idea what Maaco was, but the slogan was seared in my brain.
tadpolegal, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:03 pm Said:

Where’s The Beef?
Max Girth, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:03 pm Said:

Here at Ted’s We want to put our meat in your mouth!
Ashley in NYC, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:20 pm Said:

Local AZ radio (and probably tv) commercial for a car stereo chain – Audio Express; your HOME!HOME!HOME! of the one dollar install!!! (Always at ear-splitting volume) I remember hearing those ads since I was a little kid and they’re still around
Phantom Railfan, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:25 pm Said:

Some from the Detroit area:
“Before you buy, do both of us a favor. Shop Bedrooms, Incorporated.”

“We do good work”–local home improvement firm pitchman called Mr Belvedere. He also used to say “You’ll look at it, you’ll like it, and you’ll take your time paying for it.”

“I’ll give you five pounds of coffee if I can’t beat your best deal!”–Ollie Fretter, local appliance dealer 1970s

This national one has stuck with me for years:
Dynamo, Dynamo
The little blue jug is Dynamo
We used to use powder
Just like you
‘Til we found what the little blue jug can do…

Laundry detergent, it was…
Shiny Rod, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Said:

The “Big Chicken” in Marietta Ga., landmark for every other business in the area.
JCIII, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:37 pm Said:

hey, what about Headset Vince from ShamWow fame. He also pushes the “Slap Chop” and you gotta laugh when he says “You’re gonna love my nuts”
dorothy, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:44 pm Said:

i’m a happy girl, yipee oh boy,
look at my diamond, it came from van scoy!
my boy friend bought it,
saved lots of money too!
van scoy’s the g.i. jeweler (just after WWII)
yes he’s the man for you!

heard on pottsville radio station circa 1950.
Eugene B. Sims, on February 25th, 2009 at 4:51 pm Said:

An independent carpet place called Billy Shepard Carpets… “Open 8:55 to 8:55!”
STLSteve, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:01 pm Said:

St. Louisians will all know “For a hole in your roof, or a WHOLE NEW ROOF…” Good stuff.
Pickles the Clown, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:02 pm Said:

“Hi it’s Vince for SHAMWOW whenever you use it you’re going to say , WOW!
”
“Hi it’s Vince for slap chop! You’re going to love my nuts.”

I love that methhead tweaker!!!
bino aka the jingle king, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:09 pm Said:

A recent print ad locally for “Sofa King” advertises
” Our prices aren’t just low, They’re Sofa-king low” Then underneath, in small letters it says “read that out loud, and slowly…” Hilarious!!!

Quick Henry, the Flit!

Hi-C…You know how good it is.
jim britton, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:13 pm Said:

As mentioned previously, I’m on the Crazy Eddie bandwagon.
His prices were insane.
Dave in Sammamish, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:14 pm Said:

Sims dept store, Sy Sims here
Sims – where and educated consumer is our best customer

Course we always heard it as where and educated Jew is our best customer, but whatever

Also a beer ad that they couldn’t get away with these days: Schaeffer is the one beer to have when you’re having more than one!”

and Joon Rhee!! holy crap i’d forgotten all about him!
and Kemp Mill Records sucked.
Sam in Rochester, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:28 pm Said:

A pub in Salt Lake City had a billboard that said, “Polygamy Porter, Take some home for the wives” and “Why stop at just one?”

As a Mormon, I get it and it’s funny as hell!
ashton, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:34 pm Said:

@Sam – I’ve seen that on T-shirts as well.

I think I posted this another day, but it’s relevant here: “You can’t beat Wagner’s Meat” (although I’ve recently found out that Wagner’s meat market is now out of business – his bumper stickers live on).
The Evil Twin, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:45 pm Said:

The Pink Pony’s dancers are BABY, RAVEN and UNIQUE! They’ve never taken down the letters from their sign.
Kevindust, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:49 pm Said:

I’ve heard this tag line years before as a joke but a local business is currently using it:

“AFS, Where the customer ALWAYS comes first.”

(Adult Fun Superstore)
CBS, on February 25th, 2009 at 5:58 pm Said:

I sing this song to my wife all the time. Listen to the link and enjoy…

http://www.lyttonsfurniture.com/
Taiwan On, on February 25th, 2009 at 6:00 pm Said:

On a posted advert at a bus stop in London, circa 1980:

“Faggots. Great balls of meat.”

Any Brits/ex-pat Brits out there, please explain.
akgrrl2001, on February 25th, 2009 at 6:26 pm Said:

‘plop plop fizz fizz’ speaks for itself

btw…LOVE Vince the SHAMMOW guy…’we can’t do this all day folks…’
Josh, on February 25th, 2009 at 6:37 pm Said:

A good one here in AU atm is “Get some nuts!” spoken by the one and only Mr. T. Just like Mars, it’s a chocolate bar..
Evil Twin's Wife, on February 25th, 2009 at 6:47 pm Said:

B-A-Double L-A-R-D-S spells Ballards
It’s the best, stands the test, outclasses all rest. It’s Ballards for you! (jingle for selling sausage and bacon while two fat little pigs dance around).
Kevindust, on February 25th, 2009 at 6:58 pm Said:

BTW,I haven’t actually been to the Adult Fun Superstore (Where the Customer ALWAYS comes first!) but I am willing to take a smoking fish, a camera and check it out. You know, in the name of research.

Might even run into Eninen.
Lisa, on February 25th, 2009 at 7:05 pm Said:

We had a very successful local entrepreneur who used “You know this guy” in all of his adds: “. Every third commercial was an add for one of his businesses! Well, he died last week, I wonder if they’ll update the adds to say “You knew this guy”…
Ederd, on February 25th, 2009 at 7:09 pm Said:

The Tennessee Pride Sausage jingle will sometimes play in my head all day. I haven’t seen the commercial for years, though the product is still around. It looks cheap and horrible, judging by the package design.

The jingle goes like this, with a hillbilly tune:

For real country sausage, the best you’ve ever tried
Pick up a pound or two of Tennessee Pride
etc.

It was a terrible commercial with bad animation, but that song will never leave my brain, ma-a-a-an!
kenju, on February 25th, 2009 at 7:10 pm Said:

“I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.” I think it was for Alka-Seltzer.
Pagan, on February 25th, 2009 at 7:20 pm Said:

Hey Taiwan, Faggots are giant spicy football shaped pork meatballs, they used to have a commercial that stated:”I’ve nothing against faggots, I just don’t fancy them.” unfortunately the faggots got upset & the commercial was banned:)
Ederd, on February 25th, 2009 at 7:24 pm Said:

Check this out:
http://www.myspace.com/tennesseepridefarmboy

I like friend Ainslie!
Jersey Scott, on February 25th, 2009 at 7:36 pm Said:

Another fan of Crazy Eddie checking in

As far as nationwide campaigns I was a fan of the Miller Lite ( maybe ? ) ads that would feature a guy lying his way into any opportunity to enjoy a brew. Crashing a family reunion or co-opting a limo ride from the airport, whenever anyone doubted that he was who he said he was ( “YOU’RE Doctor Galaciewicz ?” ) he’d respond with a smarmy, satisfied ” Yes I am ! “, holding up a frosty bottle. Much more entertaining than those “Whazzup !!! ” ass-clowns
Tyrosine, on February 25th, 2009 at 8:25 pm Said:

I’m surprised Shiny Rod or Pagan didn’t beat me to this:

Up Toronto way there’s a chain of furniture and appliance stores called Bad Boy. They inundate the Southern Ontario airwaves with commercials featuring the owner and his son dressed in stereotypical black and white prison uniforms shouting the slogan “Nobody’s better than Bad Boy! NOOOOOOOOOO-BODDDY!!!!” (here’s a sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7XpCYgJq9k )

Last year they opened a store not far (enough) from where I live and supersaturated all radio, TV, and newspaper ads with the grand opening ads featuring that slogan. After a week my brainstem almost melted.

Footnote: The owner of Bad Boy was the Mayor of Toronto for a few years. He called in the Army after a snow storm. Because, being in Canada, we’re not used to dealing with snow…
twr, on February 25th, 2009 at 8:40 pm Said:

I remember this jingle on the radio from 40 years ago…

..so take the wheel of your automobile, and drive on down to..Ideal

for most of my life I didn’t even know what they sold..but I knew the jingle..

-South Jersey
Erica, on February 25th, 2009 at 8:49 pm Said:

@Brandy…are you in Waco Texas…we have the same slogan here for a port-o-potty business “we’re number 1 in the number 2 business”…just wondering?

For local we have Kirkpatrick and Witt Furniture “We’re left on the corner and right on the price” and 1-800- SAFE AUTO…it’s a song that drive’s me batty…or Clark Motors..”the big green building with the big yellow sign”…and last but not least “Automax it’s you and me!!” ABSOLUTLEY HATE THAT ONE!!

I’m sure there are way more than this but I’m tired…Happy Hump Day all!
Leon, on February 25th, 2009 at 10:10 pm Said:

There used to be a restaurant on Rt 35 on the way to Point Pleasant called Pam’s Ham.

There was an enormous sign painted on the side of the building that said “Eat Pam’s Hams”.

We always thought that was hilarious.

ETW:
Do you remember the Valleydale marching band pig parade? Kinda like the Ballards spots.
Leon, on February 25th, 2009 at 10:13 pm Said:

And for fans of WGN TV:
588! 2300! Empire!
DTO, on February 25th, 2009 at 10:16 pm Said:

Orlando Fla.: Art Grindle Dodge. Hilarious.

Cincy: ” Burger Beer …the beer that brings you Baseball!”… Waytt Hoytt

I liked Bucky Beaver. Was cool for Ipana toothpaste but no solgan for you.

“A little dab will do ya”.

Wendy’s…”Hot and Juicy”…..mmmk

I spent some time in Iowa and the ads for “Mecadox Hogs” slayed me. I’m sure a steroid/ grow hormone thing but they sponored the morning farm report. YUM!!
chill, on February 25th, 2009 at 10:27 pm Said:

I have a couple…

From the late 80s, DC…
“Try Mr. Ray’s way!” – for Mr. Ray’s Hair Weave

From the early/mid 70s, NYC…
Off-screen voice: “Hey Jerry, what’s the story?”
Jerry (big-bellied guy in hardhat, with thick NYC accent): “The story is, come to JGE [something about great deals on appliances] …JGE is NOT open to the general public, only to union members and their families. Just show your union or civil service card at the door, and YOU’RE IN!” …Not really a slogan, I guess.

Also from NYC in the 70s, possibly nationwide: “Mama mia, that’s a spicy meatball!” Alka-seltzer?

Wait, there’s another. Three guys, one after another: “I came back.” “I came back.” “I came back.” Then all three together: “We all came back! To Brylcreem!” Seen on Mets game broadcasts, late 60s/early 70s.

OK, I’m done.
Pagan, on February 25th, 2009 at 11:14 pm Said:

Tyrosine you are probably much to young to remember this one: “Hi I’m Crazy David and I sell Teeeee Shirts” I was spendig way too much time at Rochdale college back then:)
Kimistry, on February 26th, 2009 at 12:08 am Said:

From Cortelyou Road in Brooklyn in the early 70s:

We’re the pest doctors, all our patients die

Local exterminator
oblvios, on February 26th, 2009 at 12:21 am Said:

@Oral and 2Tall, do you recall the end of the Cal Worthington commercials where they sang, “Go see Cal. Go see Cal. Go see Cal.

There used to be a sign outside a roadside diner/gas station that read “Eat here and get gas”. It was along Highway 50 on the way to Lake Tahoe, where my mother usually took us for Thanksgiving every year. (I have come to associate that particular holiday with the child care services at Harrah’s Casino.) To an 8-year-old sitting with an annoying little brother in the back of a wood-paneled station wagon, the sign was hilarious, and the anticipation of seeing it again year after year helped kill some time on the long drive. My poor mother and older sisters then had to listen to us make fart noises (some real, some imitation) for the remainder of the time in the car.
clintcurtis, on February 26th, 2009 at 4:51 am Said:

I can’t remember many from my WV days in the ’80s.

Here in Alaska, probbly the most memorable is Ted Sadler and his dancing and singing in his own commercials. Cheezy as heck, but his prices are low AND he is a great guy too!

We also have Cal Worthington up here…although I can’t remember seeing “his dog Spot” in quite a while. He’s looking his age now…gotta be 80s or 90s by now. He was a pretty heavily decorated hero back in WWII.

And too all you guys here from my old home in Western Washington, you can just “Honk if you love Vern Fonk!” (insurance salesman).
Gordie, on February 26th, 2009 at 7:45 am Said:

A couple of local Indianapolis slogans that are forever seared into my brain:

Local Car Dealer – “He’s the tall thin guy with the big fat deals”.
Local Gun Shop – “I don’t want to make any money folks, I just looooove to sell guns”.
SkullyWV, on February 26th, 2009 at 8:51 am Said:

Congrats to Brad, Mother and the Youngest Surf Reporter!

Ajax cleans like a white tornado…

An early 70s local radio ad for a haunted house that was being sponsered by WGNT in Huntington, WV included the lines:

The doc told me to stay away from wine, women, song and hainted houses. I may sing to a woman when I’m drinkin’ but I’m not going in there!
-and-
I’d be happier than a half-starved bed bug in a mattress factory!

I think this could have been Sleepy Jeffers in the ad but I’m not sure. He was big in radio back in the day.
Good2go, on February 26th, 2009 at 9:45 am Said:

The best fake slogan had to be from WKRP:
Red Wigglers! They’re the Cadillac of worms!
Willie Williams, on February 26th, 2009 at 10:09 am Said:

Not to one up Gordie, but Don also loves to rent guns.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynCsFZ3AS3E&feature=related
maineseadog, on February 26th, 2009 at 10:27 am Said:

Favorite fake slogan:

Powder Milk Buscuits
With the brown spots on the bag
that indicate freshness.
Heavens they’re tasty,
and expeditious

Real slogans

Freshen Up Gum.
“The gum that goes squirt!”

The Oscar Mayer Wiener song.

Dunkin Donuts:
“Time to make the donuts.”

Meow Mix:
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, etc.

Royal Pudding:
“Even when you make it wrong it comes out right.”
Griff, on February 26th, 2009 at 10:46 am Said:

I’m shocked that wordnerd didn’t post this one, but the ads for Frankie & Johnnie’s Furniture in New Orleans never failed to make me laugh.

Frankie: “I say, I say, Isay, I say, Fifty Dollas down gets you, THIS!”
Customer: “I got no job and no money to pay down, can I get credt?”
Frankie: “You’ll have to see, THE SPECIAL MAN!”
Special Man: “GIVE IT TO HER, WITH NOOOOOOO PROBLEMS.”
Frankie: “At Frankie & Johnnie’s home of the eeeeeeasiest credit around. And Buy from me, get a chicken box free!”
Limey, on February 26th, 2009 at 10:50 am Said:

@Taiwan On – the most famous brand of faggots is/was “Brain’s”, i.e. Brain’s Faggots. What were they thinking?

UK – “smoke a fag” – have a cigarette
US – “smoke a fag” – shoot a homosexual
maineseadog, on February 26th, 2009 at 10:57 am Said:

Oops, correction:

Powder Milk Biscuits
In the brown bag
with the spots that indicate freshness
that indicate freshness.
Heavens they’re tasty,
and expeditious

Once your family’s tried ‘em
You’ll know you’ve satisfied ‘em
They’re the real hot item
Powder Milk

Another:
See the USA in your Chevrolet!
Kathleen, on February 26th, 2009 at 11:11 am Said:

Crap, Jorge beat me to the local Detroit ads.
Brooke, on February 26th, 2009 at 11:16 am Said:

…its Velveeta versus cheddar
our Velveeta melts much better,
cheddar’s lumpy, cheddar’s oily,
it dribbles off your plate onto your doily…

So when the cookbook calls for cheddar,
make it with Velveeta, it melts better!
Brooke, on February 26th, 2009 at 11:20 am Said:

Dayton Andrews Chrysler Jeep, UNDER THE OLD OAK TREE!

The tagline isn’t that corny or memorable, but if you see Mr. Andrews around town (Clearwater, FL) and mention the old oak tree to him, he will reach into his pocket and hand you a crisp two dollar bill!
JCIII, on February 26th, 2009 at 11:22 am Said:

Annoying / Catchy jingle that hooked me last night.
The new McDonalds ad for fish sammich value meals and the “Billy Bass” on the wall that starts singing:

“Gimme back that filet-o-fish
Gimme that fish
Gimme back that filet-o-fish
Gimme that fish
What if it was you
hanging up on this wall?
If you were in that sandwich
you wouldn’t be laughing at all!”

That shit’s been stuck in my head since I heard it for the first time….
bikerchick, on February 26th, 2009 at 11:25 am Said:

A local grocery store advertises in our weekly pennysaver: “You can’t BEAT OUR MEAT!!” It’s a beautiful thing…
Tyrosine, on February 26th, 2009 at 11:34 am Said:

@ Pagan: Either I’m too young or Crazy Dave never aired south of Kitchener. London is a bit of a wasteland you know.
J Shifty, on February 26th, 2009 at 11:56 am Said:

Some vintage regional Massatwoshitts gems. Guess which company is now a national caffeinated phenomenon occasionally debated in the WVSR commments:

“Left on Spitbrook, Right on Daniel Webster”

“Why, they’re even better than yours, WANDA!”

“I can walk like a penguin!”

And a personal national favorite:

“Just like homemade. But no lumps!”

(I guess those are memorable lines from commercials rather than the official slogans, but they certainly built brand identity in my malleable mind).
Rusty, on February 26th, 2009 at 12:30 pm Said:

Plop, plop. Fizz, fizz. Oh what a relief it is!
Jason, on February 26th, 2009 at 12:46 pm Said:

I don’t remember any local commercials but theres a nation wide commercial that I see from time to time and it throws me into fits of rage.

It’s the “Video Professor” and he sells disk which he claims can teach ANYONE to google, use email, wipe their ass, etc. At the end he tilts his head to the side and wears a sad look while saying, “buy my product.”

Fuck you, Video Professor. Drink bleach.
Malcolm, on February 26th, 2009 at 1:04 pm Said:

A couple of local ones from the 70′s in Western Mass:

Railroad Salvage (a surplus place actually in CT) was owned by a guy named Rudy Vine – he and his wife Choo-Choo (get it?) did their own ads and they were worth watching just to see Rudy’s bad suits (even by 1970′s standards this guy made plaid a bad word). Choo-Choo’s outfits were always loud pantsuits, it seemed, but the kicker was her hair, which was black as coal and BIG. Sometimes just to get her hair in the frame they would have to pan out so far you couldn’t see their lips move. Sorry, I know this was about slogans but the Vine’s local ads always had me in hysterics.

The other was Big D furniture, which featured a loud woman with an overdone Boston accent asking “What’s the story, Big D?” after which Big D himself would yell out amazing prices on crappy furniture. the woman interrupted every now and them with “What’s the REAL story, Big D?”, always followed by more infomercial-loud shouting. This was a catch phrase around Western Mass for quite a while.

The thing I remember the most about all of these commercials is how grainy the film was and how cheap the graphics were – Atari did better images with Pong than these guys.
Oral Roberts, on February 26th, 2009 at 1:36 pm Said:

Ewey gooey rich and chewy inside,
that’s right, take a bite,
tender gold and flakey on the outside,
your darn tootin,
it’s a big fig Newton,
It’s a big fig Newton.
ZAZU the Pitts, on February 26th, 2009 at 1:44 pm Said:

An Atlanta Electrician company – “You don’t have to put up with any malarkey when you call Mr. Sparky!”
tadpolegal, on February 26th, 2009 at 2:19 pm Said:

The one that get’s me now is the Free Credit Report.com song- I can’t even type it because it will run through my brain for the next 3 days. It’s like having the same bad dream over and over and over and over and… you get the point.
Dave, on February 26th, 2009 at 2:41 pm Said:

Amazing how many (ex-)NYers have checked in with Crazy Eddie. Amazing how that’s the first thing we all think of.

I also see that someone else beat me to the JGE Appliances one…and yes, he DID have a slogan, at the end of every ad: “So that’s the story, Jerry?” “That’s the STOR…EEE!!!”
Nurse Ratched, on February 26th, 2009 at 3:06 pm Said:

Dave…..Don’t forget good ol’ Tom Carvel
JCIII, on February 26th, 2009 at 3:09 pm Said:

did anyone today remember to answer their phone “Anal and Rectal.”?
Brooke, on February 26th, 2009 at 3:42 pm Said:

@JASON, i hate that “buy my product” guy. Hate ‘im.
Pagan, on February 26th, 2009 at 3:43 pm Said:

This one’s for LIMEY:

When you eat your Smarties,
Do you eat the red ones last?
Do you suck them very slowly,
Or crunch them very fast?
Eat that candy-coated chocolate,
But tell me when I ask,
When you eat your Smarties,
Do you eat the red ones last?
Jason, on February 26th, 2009 at 3:45 pm Said:

Brooke,
(I rufuse to do the @Brooke thing because i don’t want to be too hip) I hope he slams his tits in a car door tonight.
NDfaninAZ, on February 26th, 2009 at 3:56 pm Said:

When I lived in Las Vegas, there were commercials all the time for Glen Lerner, The Heavy Hitter (personal injury lawyer)…”One Call, That’s All”. I was so happy when I moved to Phoenix that I didn’t have to deal with Glen Lerner. Then he started an office in Phoenix. “Call Lerner & Rowe, it’s the way to go, call 977-1900″. Damn that giant Glen Lerner!

Another Vegas commercial was for Towbin Dodge…”CHOP IT!”. They actually have 30 minute infomercials that were probably the most entertaining car-mercials I’ve ever seen. Their sales people dress up in weird shit, and drive the cars by The Chopper, who goes on to describe the car, and then chop the price. Then there’s the Blue Genie, who apparently gets so excited by the cars that he sometimes humps them….
NDfaninAZ, on February 26th, 2009 at 3:57 pm Said:

Oh, The Chopper Show is apparently online:

http://towbindodge.com/specials/choppershow.html
jim britton, on February 26th, 2009 at 4:02 pm Said:

Tom Carvel?
Fudgie the Whale!
tadpolegal, on February 26th, 2009 at 4:09 pm Said:

@NDfan in AZ-
We have a “one call, that’s all” guy in Milwaukee too- Gruber Law Offices- He does his own commercials and has a bit of a speech impediment (not that there is anything wrong with that)- which make his commercials even more irritating.
Jason, on February 26th, 2009 at 4:16 pm Said:

Have yall seen the Bender and Bender (I think) law commercials where they sue for Social Security? One of them comes on wearing an Indiana Jones hat and says, “You have enough to worry about.” I hate them almost as much as the Video Professor.
Tyrosine, on February 26th, 2009 at 4:16 pm Said:

@Pagan

That ad was ubiquitous in the mid 70′s. I’ll bet there’s lost tribes in Amazon jungle who saw that ad.
Brooke, on February 26th, 2009 at 4:16 pm Said:

Jason,
that was the first time I ever did the @name thing. I felt a little weird and uncomfortable doing it. It doesn’t really make sense to me, but I did it anyway. I’m ashamed of myself and I’m never doing it again.
Jason, on February 26th, 2009 at 4:23 pm Said:

@BROOKE, don’t beat yourself up over it. I feel dirty. We need another update.
chill, on February 26th, 2009 at 7:30 pm Said:

Fudgie the Whale?

At your participating Carvel ice cream store!
(No way can I type the sound of Tom Carvel’s voice.)
Limey, on February 26th, 2009 at 8:56 pm Said:

@Pagan

Family worked for a competing chocolate company, Nestle/Rountree was the evil empire!
Bossinjo, on February 26th, 2009 at 9:56 pm Said:

I know it is not a Tv or Radio ad, but how about that shit head Charlotte, who calls and says ‘ Hey this is Charlotte for senior care’ would you not like to choke her?
Gordie, on February 27th, 2009 at 9:55 am Said:

Try watching this commercial and not get this stupid song stuck in your head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ3oHpup-pk
John In Franklin, on February 27th, 2009 at 9:38 pm Said:

Most of these are oldies but goodies ,,, can you name all 24 sponsors in 30 secs.. surely all of you old timers can,,,,,,,

“They’re grrrreat” –

“I’M LOVIN’ IT!”

“Can you hear me now?? Good!!”

“Snap! Crackle! Pop!”

“F-R-E-E- That spells Free to me”

“It;s Finger-lickin’ good”

“Let your fingers do the walking.

“Don’t leave home without it”

“When you say __________… you’ve said it all.”

“Put a Tiger in Your Tank.”

“M’m M’m Good!”

“Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.”

“The quicker picker-upper.”

“A little dab’ll do ya.”

“It’s everywhere you want to be.”

“I’d walk a mile for a ______.”

“Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is.”

“Have a break. Have a ___-____.”

“Betcha can’t eat just one.”

“The milk chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand.”

“Good to the last drop.”

“When it rains, it pours!”

“It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.”

“Fly the friendly skies.”
Tess G., on March 1st, 2009 at 11:23 am Said:

Here in North Georgia, there’s a furniture store whose owner looked sorta like Wolfman Jack. So all their signs and commercials said, “Ask for the Wolfman!” He died a few years ago and now his daughter runs the stores but we all still call it “Wolfman’s”
Stuart in Hong Kong, on March 1st, 2009 at 11:55 pm Said:

local hamburger joint in Dallas run by a crazy guy, Harvey Goff, who would get robbed periodically and for the next week or so would work the cash register with a .45 pistol tucked into his pants:

“Goffs, quality you can taste”
Larry S in Baltimore, on March 4th, 2009 at 12:08 pm Said:

As a kid growing up in the Baltimore area in the 60/70′s from a local dairy, Cloverland.
If you don’t own a cow call Cloverland now, North 9 2222!
CADude, on March 6th, 2009 at 4:01 pm Said:

Who gives you service on Saturdays at no extra charge?
Adee Do!
(So Calif plumbing company)
Mike, on March 23rd, 2009 at 5:47 am Said:

FAD Furniture = Furniture and Appliance Discount F.A.D.
Bob in VA, on October 6th, 2009 at 12:30 pm Said:

Back in the early 80s in Baltimore, Luby Chevrolet ran radio ads featuring a guy with an asian accent saying “I ROVE RUBY!” I kid you not. Baltimore does not have a big asian community.