Soup, Insensitivity, and a Fast Food Con
A couple nights ago I took a Tupperware-style bowl of clam chowder to work with me, and popped it into the microwave on my lunch break. And after the buzzer went off (two minutes, thirty seconds later) I opened the door, and the bowl was on its side in a sea of uncontained soup.
How is such a thing possible? What are the logistics? I’d removed the lid, and laid a paper towel across the top to cut down on splatter (ha!). And the shit went sideways on me. I had successfully completed the same mission many times before, but this time experienced a pronounced failure.
So, instead of enjoying a piping-hot bowl of chowder, I got to spend a big hunk of my lunch break cleaning a communal microwave. Good fun.
But seriously, how do you think it happened? What’s the science on something like that? Large, violent bubbles exploding inside a cold, thick paste? Would that upend a three-pound bunker-buster of Progresso? Help me out, won’t you?
Because I can’t have that.
Doesn’t daylight saving time end (start?) this weekend? What exactly is the point? It seems like it has something to do with farmers, or livestock, or grain, or whatever. I don’t know, and don’t care enough to find out.
Oh, it’s not as big an irritant as, you know, people saying “myun” instead of “mine,” but I’ve never much cared for daylight saving time. It seems rather cavalier to go monkeying around with the clock, all willy nilly, don’t you think? It’s fairly arrogant, when you stop to think about it.
Plus, it’s confusing. Fall forward, spring back? Spring up, fall in? Spring first, fall later? Spring backward, don’t get any on ya? Yeah, that catchy little phrase doesn’t help me at all.
Any opinions on this most curious of rituals?
And have you ever improvised a bit of comedy that went over like a cauliflower fart at Easter mass? I’m not talking about a joke that nobody laughed at, but one that actually pissed people off and changed the entire atmosphere of a room.
Of course I wouldn’t have brought this up, if I wasn’t leading up to something…
When I was in Atlanta, you see, Eric Clapton released the song “Tears In Heaven,” supposedly written after his son fell out of a window (or something) and died. It was a huge hit, and everyone knew the sad back story.
Well, I shared an office with two other guys, and one day there were several other folks in there as well. Tom Petty’s “Learning to Fly” came on the radio. And without hesitating, I said, “Hey, isn’t that the song about Eric Clapton’s kid?!” Learning to fly.
Immediately I realized I’d miscalculated, and saw that I was without allies. Most of them stared at their shoes, one guy looked at me like he simply couldn’t believe it, and another was openly hostile. “That’s a hell of a thing to make a joke about,” he blurted, as everyone slid away shaking their heads in disgust.
Turns out the guy who was angry, a semi-bigshot, was a HUGE Clapton fan, and had named his first son Eric.
Sheesh. People really need to get the Big Stick of Righteousness out of their asses. If you can’t joke about tragic infant death, what can you joke about? It’s political correctness gone mad!
And I hate to admit this, but I was just conned at Wendy’s. I consider myself to be a professional, needless to say, but the cashier got one over on me.
After ordering my usual #1 with cheese, no pickles, and a Coke, she said, “Medium or large?”
This threw me, because they usually ask the more general question, “What size?” And I always say small, because a small at Wendy’s is still pretty large. But since she didn’t offer small as an option, I froze-up and went with medium.
And this caused the price to shoot up by a buck, thus breaking the five dollar rule. And I was given an order of fries so large I needed one of those warehouse-worker lifting belts. The Coke was also a two-hander, and cast me in deep shadow throughout the meal. It was far too much of a good thing.
Never again! I will not be manipulated into super-sizing, by any more black magic fast food cashier parlor tricks. And you can make a note of it.
I hope you’re all pretending to have a Kraft caramel sealed to the roof of your mouth today. I know I am.
And yesterday’s comments, about bad hotel rooms, were flat-out hilarious. A fantastic collection of stories… I read most of them last night, after I got home from work, and was wiping away tears of laughter. Extra-good stuff. Thanks, as always.
I’m struggling today, and feel like climbing back atop the platform. So I’m going to stop right here.
Have a great weekend, boys and girls. I still owe the Surf Report VIPs a super-secret update, and I’ll try to get it done in the coming days. Maybe Sunday? No promises, but that’ll be the goal.
See ya later. The couch and happy hour at the Piss Biscuit Bar & Grill are calling my name…
Filed under: Daily
What?
Yeah, 2nd!
That “Learning to Fly” / Clapton thing made me laugh out loud.
Tres
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…………
Been out of action for the last 48 hours or so, need to do some catch up reading.
Isn’t the ritual of Daylight Savings Time supposed to come to end soon? Abolished by Bush?
One good thing about falling back is getting an extra hour of inebriation in the local drinking establishments. A few years ago, the bartendress tried to boot us at 2am, but we howled in protest, saying it was actually 1 am. Much bickering and gnashing of teeth but we eventually won out…..
Spring Rolls, Fall Flat…the learning to fly/clapton riff is RONG in all the right ways.
I have one of those jokes. You can hear a pin drop in a busy night club after I tell it.
Dare i tell it here and risk being labeled the black sheep the WVSR family? I’m afraid!! Its so good, though!
“Turns out the guy who was angry, a semi-bigshot, was a HUGE Clapton fan, and had named his first son Eric.”
Turns out he was a HUGE (fill in obscene name of female body part here).
Pyrex is your friend.
C’mon Brooke, you’re among friends.
I think….
Yeah, c’mon Brooke.
You guys egging me on are gonna be the first ones to blacklist me, I just know it!
“If you can’t joke about tragic infant death, what can you joke about?”
gosh. people are so uptight.
Brooke, just post it.. you can change your name later if you have to…
ah, Brandy, you are so wise! ok…
What’s the difference between Jesus Christ and an oil painting of Jesus Christ?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
(Brooke ducks behind computer monitor)
Yeah, c’mon Brooke! You know you want to! And beside, now that you’ve set yourself up, you HAVE to do it. It’s written somewhere in the Surf Reporter’s By-Laws, Chapter 3, sub-article XVIII
PSHAW,
Ttry pissing off people from the Bible Belt, example
“Why do women love jesus?”
Hold hands out like recently crucified and say
“Cause he’s hung like this”
Dead silence and Crickets.
No return invitations to Bible study though.
Darn.
I showed ya mine Brooke!
Let’s have it
YES!!
I love jesus jokes.
Carla,
I feel better now, since you also told a jesus joke. whew. scroll up!
Has anyone seen or thought about the Amazon Kindle??
Thoughts?? P.O.S. or viable technology??
Thanks Brooke, I loved it and it is now added to the why you don’t want me at your church arsenal.
I’m horribly offended!
U hot, Brooke?
I thought the Clapton joke was funny. I’m usually good for stuff like that like when I screw something up and will say something like “your mother’s a dirty whore ” and I turn around and someone who I know lost their mother is standing there and will give me a look like “You are an asshole”
I once declared manatees “nature’s speed bumps”. I’m on the fast track to hell, what of it?
I’m going to back up to yesterdays subject. A motel desk clerk in Lexington, KY told me to throw several Rolaids into the corner. He said that the cockroach’s love them therefore would stay in the corner of the room and away from the bed area. WTF!
Sorry Brooke, yours was good, but I have to give it to Carla.
And thanks to both of you. Normally I’m the guy people think is an ass hat on here. Nice to have the day off.
Carla- My company has something to do with the Kindle in a quiet way. But one of my customers was aware of our contribution to the thing and absolutely raved about it.
He bought it for his wife and she loved it. And this is not a guy who gushes about stuff. Usually when we meet there’s a fair amount of swearing.
The underlying technology is very sound. It will work just the way you want it to and it will work well.
And I’m totally going to find some of that Baconnaise. I bet it would be awesome on cheese.
Thanks for you input Jorge, I am on the fence still, wish I could play with it before buying cause its 70 ~ Wendy’s #1 combo’s and I feel kinda guilty about spending that kind of money (even if the technology is soo cool!)
I believe this is a typical JK reaction….
>>>>>> http://tinyurl.com/5qsylc
Three times where my jokes angered folks:
1. Using the same Clapton tune as the punchline, I told some folks that it was about skydiving children. They nearly ran me out of town.
2. Shortly after the Virginia Tech shooting, a friend and I invented a new drink at our watering hole. We used a Korean vodka-like liqour, orange juice (the gold), Chambord (the burgundy), and bitters. Serve in a shotglass and there you have a Virginia Tech Shooter. There were folks at the bar that gave us looks that would kill.
3. During a family Xmas party, all the kids were playing in the basement. Everything was fine until one of them busted out with a blood-chilling scream. I said, “That sounds like stitches” and everyone gave me the “I can’t believe you’d say such a thing” look along with an “eat shit” grimace.
My buddy and I saw JFK Jr. at a bar in LA and were going to send over shots (from the gentleman on the grassy knoll)….I had a similar thought when Marvin Gaye III came into a club I ran.
“That sounds like stitches” is awesome!!
Jorge, that honor goes to Jason on most days.
Ok, I dropped this little bomb one day during either Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner with my wife’s family. It was meant to be shared with Deb’s aunt (who appreciates such jokes), but we were both a little drunk and it came out too loud:
**STOP READING HERE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR GREEK**
How does a Greek guy know when his sister is on the rag? He can taste the blood on his dad’s dick.
Yea, as you can imagine that went over great…
I have told plenty of stupid ones in my time, but for some reason I can’t remember anything specific. I gave up on joking about my grad school in Texas during job interviews because, as I quickly learned, the whole freaking planet is from Texas and they react much like Sandy on Spongebob – (insert Texas accent); “Whut did yew just say?”
Me: “Uh… Texas is.. stupid?” lol
I am actually looking forward to daylight savings time because I have to drive my youngling to daycare on a twisty canyon road with much traffic and lots of deer in the dark every morning. My car is a Saturn: plastic and designed to crush. Rudolph would total my car, in other words. It would be easier to see them in the daylight.
Oh, THANK YOU, Carla! I’m such a dipshit that I’ll be tell that joke to a few people after church on Sunday! And believe, I am stupid enough to do it! LOL
What’s really weird is telling politcal jokes to people who you “think” have a sense of humor. I’ve found that no one who really takes politics seriously, on either side, has a non-partisan sense of humor.
And Jeff, if you want musical irony, Billy Joe Royal (Down in the Boondocks) was making a big comeback on the Country charts in the 1980′s with his hit “Burns Like a Rocket.” Number 23 with a bullet…then the next week the Challenger space shuttle blew up and all the radio stations pulled his song off the air.
OOH OOH I HAVE A DEAD INFANT JOKE!!!
Q: What’s 24″ long, stiff and hard and makes women scream?
A: Cribdeath
yeah yeah you laughers…it’ll be a great reunion in hell huh?
Up here in God’s Country (Oh Canada!) We recently had a poor guy decapitated by a crazy guy! The next day I was at a Company meeting when the Boss made some startling announcement re profit or loss or something that had him truly excited! “Well chop my head off on a Greyhound bus” I naturally responded! Dead air! Evil looks! sadly I didn’t have a good Jesus joke on me at the time to win back the audience!
I always set my clocks forward but I never set them back. In 24 years I’m going to be an entire day ahead of the rest of you fools. I’ll probably spend that day masturbating or robbing banks – I haven’t really figured it out yet.
Here’s a joke that seems to upset people. It’s not really offensive or anything, I think people just get pissed off because it’s so stupid:
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
September 11.
September 11 who?
You said you’d never forget.
And yeah, Jorge, I think Shiny is right. I’m the ass around here.
Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks… “Can you put me up for the night?”
What did Jesus say when he was up on the cross? “This was one Hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation
…and here’s one to piss off NASCAR fans…
Q: What’s the difference between dale earnhart sr. and batman?
A: the wall opened up for batman
…and a religious one…
Q: What’s white and bobs up and down in a baby’s crib?
A: a priest
okay one more…a little dated though…
Q: what’s the difference between heath ledger and jokes about heath ledger?
A: jokes about heath ledger will get old
I just pissed off someone at the office that over heard a Sarah Palin joke.
At the VP debate Biden asked Palin the difference between her mouth and her vagina. She did not respond so Biden says ‘Sometimes something retarded doesn’t come out of your vagina”
Nothing like sarcasm and cynicism. I love it! Keep ‘em coming!
What do Michael Jackson and Kmart have in common??
They both have boys pants half off.
That “Clapton is God” picture reminds me of a letter to the editor in an old National Lampoon. It went something like:
I meant to say ‘Clapton is good.’
Some Grafitti Artist
London, England.
What’s better than winning a silver medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
I once told my aunt, who is a Jehova’s Witness, that the bible was the secong best book of fiction ever written…after Lord of the Rings.
Silence.
SECOND
Damnit, first WVSR typo?! Finally succombed to home internet, used to have sole access from work. It’s a whole new internet world when you can sit in the comfort of your own home, drinking a rye and ginger(that’s Canadian Whiskey to my Southern friends), Death Magnetic blasting in the background and surfing in West Virginia.
p.s. redtube is my new best friend…goddamn I need to meet a girl
Kevindust,
I googled “redtube”. Nice.
My brother-in-law likes to send me videos of people vomiting. I stopped clicking on them so he’s gotten clever. He’ll couch the puke vid in the middle of an innocent looking video. The other day I got one that started out showing ducks and flashed over to some dude with his fingers down his throat, puking all over a fat girl’s snatch and stomach.
I think it ruined me for life. I’ll never be able to puke on pussy again without thinking about that.
No good-bad jokes here, but Wendy’s got me too. I asked for small and was told that the medium is the small now and large is medium. WTF? They have forced us to pay more by eliminating the least availible size. I actually tried the baconater today on the way to work and couldnt finish it, nasty. The bacon was like rubber and there was a huge gob of mayo or whatever it is in the center. Ill stick to the #1 thank you.
I had a burger from Burger King today. A steakhouse something. First of all, I don’t like it when they give their burgers these long names and you have to yell it all out at the speaker, “Uh yes, I’ll have the Fresh and Tasty Super Huge Juicy and Hot Rancher of a Burger with Bacon and Swiss combo meal, please.” Whatever I got had mashed potatoes on it (I think). Frikken gross.
Happy Halloween!
Happy Halloween to you, Jim!
I’m wondering how they get those razor blades into apples without it being evident. Any pointers?
You should call it the Pisscuit bar and grill.
My life is full of me making an inappropriate joke and clearing the room, getting kicked out of a bar, making a bartender pee her pants.
I had a stripper in Oklahoma City laugh her ass off when I talked about shoving a hard boiled egg up my ass.
At the same time my jokes about Jesus went unheeded (Did you see the Passions of the Christ? Did you hear Mel’s alternate title for it? Mad Max Beyond Jeruselum.)
Maybe I’m only funny to me.
jason ,after they caught that guy taking a bath in a prep sink at burger king that might not be “mashed potatoes”
‘
I remember working with a guy who a huge redne- uh, NASCAR fan- who got really pissed when I mentioned that Pink Floyd was rerecording their one big hit in honor of Dale Earnhardt and calling it “Another Hick in the Wall.” That, and the long, drawn out sight gag joke I told about a dead cat (the punch line is “no he looked like this”) to a weather man right before we came back from commercial. Both instances, it made me laugh even harder because the people were offended.
My entire life from age 11 to 16 was spent spouting off what I thought was humor. I’m obviously a verrrry slow learner.
In the gross jokes category: What’s the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?
Anyone?
Tiff,
You can’t unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork. Right?
i think i’m in love with jason.
From a young, impressionable age I spent alot of time on construction sites with dad as an alternative to modern child care. So my sense of humor was developed over a decade by marinating around some of the most depraved, sex-obsessed minds our country has to offer.
This led to some awkward moments after I shipped up to one of those “elite liberal northeast institutions of higher learning”.
One that really stands out in my memory was dropping the following into some high-minded political discussion: “Hey, what did Jesse Jackson say when a reporter asked him about the Abortion Bill? I thought I paid it!”
Yeah, that one didn’t go over as well as it had with the guys around the roach coach.
The good news is, it sounds like there’ll be enough of us to get our own surf reporter comedy bunker together in Hell!
Brandy,
Do you like carnival food? Can I call you “sugartits”?
Here’s a short story that I like to call “Area 51″.
“I’d like to drive her out to Area 51 and fuck her brains out.” Said Gary.
“Good luck with that. I hear she’s so frigid that every time she spreads her legs the heater kicks in. And I think someone beat you to the fucking her brains out bit. You ever talk to her? That slur. Jesus Christ. And she smells like piss.” Said Andy.
“Fuck you Andy, you shitcock, I love her. What would you smell like if you got electroshock therapy twice a day for 7 months?”
“I don’t know dude. Seems like you’re always picking the wrong ones. Put her mouthpiece in.”
“Clear!”
masher’s story of the mosquitos (10-30) made me remember a story I had buried deep. There is a lodge at the Flamingo State Park in the Everglades (Florida). I remember sitting on a lounger in the screened pool area and as my lumpy bits were geting bitten on top of bites I noticed that the screen was actually keeping the mosquitos IN. That was a night I spent fully clothed under the blankets trying to protect my 4 YO son–that’s right, every time we opened the door to enter-exit the room a cloud of biting excellence followed us in-out. It was hell. We checked out the next morning– cancelling our week stay and headed down to Islamorada.
eeew Jason–please don’t move next door to me… at least change the sheets when you leave.
I often make comments that fall flat (see surf report comments for the past year).
I can not tell a joke to save my life. My DH and son look at me when I make smart ass comments– with my deadpan delivery and I have to tell them it’s OK to laugh– ’cause I was trying to be funny.
Dear Lord– why am I a day behind on the surf report this week? Must get back up to top twenty next week…
Carla– I am a kindle owner– and yes, you can visit with a kindle before you buy. Amazon has a section where you can ask local owners to ” show u theirs”. If you’re Central East Coast FL, I’d be happy to “show u mine”. I don’t think anyone will let you borrow– it would suck to be kindleless– and of course you would see my content. Some universities are buying for their students…Try Yahoo users group on for size…
And now for comments about Clam chowda in the nuker… Jeff, my best guess is that the clam bits exploded with such force that the bowl rolled. Or there could have been a bit of shell in there. Do you think that the shells have any metal in them? They should be made from whatever the clam is eating– and given the state of our waters….Anyway, don’t the clam pieces get all rubbery? I was listening on NPR (God knows why) to a chef talk about making clam chowder last week and the key to excellent chowder is to gently heat the clams, but not cook them. I think the microwave cooked them good. Probably better that you got to clean the microwave instead of eating rubbery clams…
Jason, step in here and say something nasty.
Cheers!
oh jason. you’re so romantic…
here’s my off-putting joke, in an effort to get me into hell with the rest of you:
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up.
I hope I’ve offended.
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, “Anything you say can and will be Held against you.”
He replies “YOUR TITS!”
I nearly pissed my pants with some of the jokes posted here today/yesterday. I dont have an example of ill-timed jokes that have come out of my mouth. Just hang out with me for a day or two. I am sure a ringer will come out.
oh and about your spilt soup. you said you had it in a plastic tupperware bowl. Do you think that the nuker heated up one side of the bowl and it created a bubble and knocked over the soup? and then the bowl went magically back to its orginal shape? Or perhaps some asshole tipped it when you wont looking.
Couple years ago I shut down a Christmas dinner with this one:
How can you tell when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
….
….
….
It’s when the big hand touches the little hand…..
Oh, friends, I’m the king–the absolute monarch–of the non-filtering brain. I’ve made comments in front of people that make me blush even now. Case in point: Not long ago, my girlfriend told me to feel how soft her daughter’s arm is. I did and said (joking), “Oooh, your skin’s soft like a dead baby.” Well, at the time she was several months pregnant. Not too cool. But luckily, she knows of my retardation.
On another occasion some years ago, a buddy of mine’s girlfriend was being a real bitch, taking something he said out of context and implying that he was being racist (which he wasn’t). So I, mocking her blonde-haired, blue-eyed self, said, “Stop it! My dad’s black!” Didn’t go over too great, cause she just turned to me, deadpan, and said, “My dad’s dead.” Ta-da! Thank you and good night!
Well, maybe not good night, cause I have one from a buddy of mine: What’s the difference between Sarah Palin’s mouth and her pussy? Only half of what comes out of her pussy is retarded. Wow. Even for me, that’s a little harsh. Harsh and beautiful.
Damn you, uncle_wedgie! You trumped my Palin joke, and I had missed your post among the throngs. Of course, it does go to prove my aforementioned idiocy and inappropriate timing, so I guess it’s cool.
You know what this country needs is another national tragedy. Those produce the best jokes.
Case in point:
1. The Challenger explosion:
Q: Did you know that Christa McAuliffe was blue eyed?
A: One blew left and one blew right.
2. Virginia Tech Shooting:
Q: What do Antarctica and Virginia Tech have in common?
A: Both -32 today.
3. September 11:
refer to jason’s joke above that made me love him.
Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find any jokes about Pearl Harbor. I guess we don’t joke about that…?
Brandy,
And there aren’t any decent jokes about JFK either. Well, I do remember one in which JFK and JFK Jr. meet in heaven and JFK says, “You needed that plane crash like I needed a hole in the head.”
harampua,
Wish I were in Florida but I am in Oklahoma. (Not a joke.) I think I have convinced myself to bite the bullet and get the kindle anyway. Thanks for the offer though.
Oh the readign possibilities!!
I meant reading,
Nape In ot diqlexic.
He he.
OK, Jeff, since you asked…
The quote for today:
“Daylight Saving Time was proposed in 1907 by British architect William Willett, who had an “epiphany” on one of his daily horseback rides through London at dawn, was first adopted in wartime Germany in 1916 to keep energy costs low. While many nations (including the U.S.) followed Germany’s example through WWI, only Britain maintained the policy following the war. In America the practice was denigrated as a reminder of wartime hardship and as symptomatic of big government. It was New York City (not the nation’s farmers, as many incorrectly believe) that rallied for its reinstatement. Pressured by bankers and brokers who wanted to capitalize on the hour of arbitrage daylight saving allowed with the London markets, the New York City Board of Aldermen lobbied it into law in 1920. The practice spread mostly haphazardly through the country, despite occasional efforts to enforce uniformity. Daylight Saving Time was permanently adopted by Congress in 1966.” Publishers Weekly
You’re welcome.
Have a great weekend, surf reporters, and, as we say here in West By God Virginia – vote early, vote often.
I cannot recall clearing out a room with a joke or remark, but I am really bad (good?) at laughing at inappropriate times. funerals, work meetings, interviews, etc.
this just occurred to me – Once, during an interview, I was asked What is your biggest weakness? or some such bullshiz, and I replied “I have no patience for stupid people.” One guy laughed his ass off and wanted to hire me, but his supervisor was not amused and scribbled my response and a little note on my HR form. I eventually got hired but the humorless bitch and I never quite saw things eye to eye.
“Eric Clapton released the song “Tears In Heaven,” supposedly written after his son fell out of a window (or something) and died. It was a huge hit,”
Actually, I was finding the unintentional humor before you ever got done explaining….
Just checkin’ in on the depravity.
Can’t say I’m disappointed.
Brandy and Jason, let me know
where you’re registered and
I’ll send you a nice gift card.
So right about national tragedies being great fodder for jokes:
“Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?”
So I was relatively new in my office the week Lloyd Bridges died back in ’98, so people around the office hadn’t learned my sense of humor just yet. I’m in the mailroom and I ran into the office admin, who I had chatted with a time or two and she seemed to have a discernable sense of humor, but evidently not in response to this:
“Hey, didja hear that Lloyd Bridges died this week?” I said.
“Yeah, I heard that”, she replied.
So I delivered, right on cue, “Yeah, looks like he picked the wrong week to quit breathing!”
Crickets.
Now I KNOW that WVSR readers are loving that joke…right? RIGHT????
Love it, Dave!
Dave that works for everyone! It is now in the arsenal. Thanks!
Hey I love Daylight Savings Time! In fact my wife and I always take a week of vacation as DST ends (Absolute truth! We’re on vacation as I type this!) because this way we get an EXTRA HOUR OF VACATION! Its our small way of sticking it to The Man!
To Sunshine:
This weekend JC Penneys is having a Michael Jackson sale.
Little boy’s underware are half off….
Chip,
They’re 100% off if you bring in a bottle of Jesus Juice.
Sorry to hear about the tragic end to a wonderful lunch that never met its potential, much like……..well I shouldn’t go there but Tom Petty’s free falling comes to mind. The answer to how could something like that happen is simple, In every office in every city there lurks an “unofficial” employee that is small in stature but brilliant at staying out of sight. This co-worker of ours sole job function is to destroy anything that may bring you pleasure, happiness, or hope during the work day thus preventing you from possibly insita gating a rebellion of laughter and joy amongst the ranks, I believe he is the first cousin of that jerk Murphy who made some laws. Anyhoo you should be thankful, 2 and a half minutes is plenty of time for this ass to ruin your day, at least he didnt slash your tires as well!!
I’m not sure Tupperware was made for the microwave. You need to invest in some Gladware or Ziploc plasticware – cheaper and microwaveable safe.
You can come and work at my place of employment, Jeff, you’d be a marked improvement over all the assholes who never clean the microwave after they mess it up.
Bill, we’re registered at Reggie’s Liquor and Porn Emporium.
Thanks!