Some Good News, and Some Bad News
I have some good news, and some bad news. Well, that might be a little overly dramatic… The good news isn’t exactly a definite, especially considering the people involved, and the bad news isn’t all that bad. I mean, seriously.
The bad: Starting on Friday I’m turning my life over to my “book.” Not the Good Book, but the “book” I’m writing. I want to have it finished by November 1, and believe it can be done. But that means the days of surprise Friday updates are over for awhile and, in fact, I might have to skip a few Thursdays here and there.
I’m also temporarily cutting back on my Mockable duties. Metten and guest columnists will take up the slack, and if you’d like to chip in with an update or two, we’d love to have you. Send your submissions to mockable[at]gmail dotcom.
Other than that, nothing much should change around here. See… not such a big deal.
I do have two more yurt sessions scheduled, one in September and another in October, so those weeks will probably be extra-jacked. But we’ll burn that bridge clean down when we get to it.
And yes that’s correct, a yurt. I know they’re kinda, well, mockable. But I’m telling you… I was a freaking word processor the last time I went into one of those hippie huts. And I also think it resulted in the funniest stuff I’ve written for the book so far. So I’m doing it again, and again.
What I guess I’m saying is, the updates will probably be a bit more sporadic than normal. I’m going to try to keep it to a minimum, but the book project is going to be a priority for the next couple of months. I have to get it done, once and for all.
So, please don’t think I’m losing interest in the Surf Report. ‘Cause that ain’t gonna happen. Unless, of course, I have a massive stroke, or get hit by a salad truck, or something. That could complicate matters…
The good news: Intelligence sources report an increase in chatter about a possible Christmas invasion, here at the Surf Report compound. And I’m talking about Nancy, Banana Nostrils, the translucents, hammerhead, and (possibly) Sunshine & Mumbles.
Yep, the whole gang. Ho, ho, ho.
Toney asked me what I thought about it, and I remembered how I struggled with last week’s updates. And I said, “Tell ‘em OK! We’d love to have them!!”
See? Who’s losing interest in the cause? Certainly not me. Shit, I should be given a Purple Heart for my sacrifice.
I’ll keep you posted. Nancy and the gang will very likely be here, but S&M are always a wildcard. We probably won’t know what they’re doing until the day they leave Nevada. Even then, things could change. Sunny might have some kind of “antibiotics” episode in Nebraska or Iowa, and receive a lifelong Amtrak ban.
And speaking of Nancy… they’re apparently having a tough time adjusting to Norf (or is it Souf?) Carolina. The timing was off, and they weren’t able to enroll their kids in the “alternative” school they attended before. And that means they’re in regular public schools for the first time ever…
The oldest see-through is now in fifth grade, so he’s sat around on couches from K thru 4, never received a real grade, and interacted with other pasty-ass hippie children exclusively. And I guess those l’il Southerners can smell blood in the water… Heh.
He’s reportedly mocked daily because of his long Robin Zander hair, his freaky clothes, his strange name, and his general weirdness.
A group of large black girls “who are already developing” give him a daily ration of shit, I hear. They comment on the stuff mentioned above, and also his constant nose-picking, snorting, and lip-smacking.
No word on his penchant for public wiener-flicking, but I’ll let you know if there’s any news on the subject.
He’s also used to an environment where everything is shared, and private property is a dirty word. So, if he wants to use one of the girls’ pencils, or whatever, he just picks it up. And they holler, “Oooooh! Don’t touch my stuff, booger boy!! You’re going to give me swine flu.”
Nancy is beside herself, but she created this situation. She insisted on turning her kids into human oddities, and there are consequences to such a thing. She made them play with dolls, wear “skirts,” and gave them names that cause people to laugh out loud. Heck, the oldest boy supposedly wore a pink t-shirt covered in drawings of “endangered species” on his first day of school.
So, I feel a little sorry for the kid, but not Eninen. You reap what you sow, right?
And I find it interesting how Nancy repeatedly mentions the race of the girls. What does that have to do with anything? Super-liberal Nancy shouldn’t even notice it. If I were to do something like that, she’d say, “Well, he’s from West Virginia, you know. He’s probably a klansman.”
Nancy also has a big hang-up about the girls having breasts in fifth grade, this clearly bothers her a great deal.
Hey, who the hell knows? Nothing can be gained by trying to figure it out… But I guess the translucents are not having a very good time of it, at the hands of their less enlightened classmates. How utterly shocking.
In fact, Nancy herself has received a bit of open mockery. For reasons unknown, she walks around town with ski poles. She tries to walk everywhere, because of the environment you know, and uses ski poles. Is that not hilarious? I submit that it is.
So, she’s walking to work in dress clothes, a giant backpack filled with soy or whatever, and two poles. Apparently people have yelled sarcastic remarks at her from passing cars, and at least one person asked if she’s handicapped.
She couldn’t wait to get out of Canada, and back to North (South?) Carolina, but now the pendulum has already started swinging back the other way. She (as well as Sunshine) are never happy with their current situation: never! Before year’s end, Nancy will be circulating her resume again, looking to move somewhere else. Mark my words.
And Nostrils just keeps going along with it… I guess that’s what happens when you suffer from ESS (Empty Sac Syndrome), right?
Oh well.
I don’t really have a Question for you today. Maybe you can report one piece of good news and one piece of bad news from your life? Use the comments section to bring us up to date. Or you can just discuss Nancy and her poles, I don’t know…
I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
Number One! Woot, woot!
Number Two. P.U.
oh crap@!!
good news: I’m back in school. finaly! AND i’m single! AND …. that’s it
Bad news: I’m back in frikkin school and i’m frikkin single.
The pole walking is an exercise deal. I see people doing that around here all the time. I guess it is not so common there.
#2 ?
OK top 5 anyway -
Good news: Our flatulent, neurotic, great dane is now on Prozac. Bad news: She won’t share!
it allways is a group of black girls, developing early that pick on doofy looking whiteboys…
Boobs in the fifth grade…Nancy’s pole, hehe.
Good news, Husbands home from the sand box and going back to his real job before the end of the week.
Bad News, husbands going back to his regular job and now I have to do my share of the housework again.
You never know when its gonna up and start snowing. If you are ready, and walking around with your ski poles, then who’ll have the last laugh?
My (white) mother used to get picked on by black girls back in the 1940s in small-town New York state, and the experience scarred her for life. When I was growing up in the ’60s, Mom used to tell us kids: “Never stare at a Negro, or they’ll stab you.” Ah, yes, words of wisdom to help a young boy appreciate the diversity of our multi-cultural world. Perhaps the oldest Translucent will have a similar epiphany, and join the North (or South) Carolina Klan, and really make N&N proud.
And please, please, give us at least a hint at what the Translucents’ names are. If the names are so odd that they “cause people to laugh out loud,” we simply must have at least an idea of what they might be.
Are they old-time names, like Gulliver or Ahab?
Or are they new-age-nut names, like “Spirit Wind” or “Shiny Otter”?
Come on, just a hint.
Good news- I have lost 22 pounds in 12 days since going on the rabbit food diet. Also get a lot of exercise on the court, so that might have helped. A fist swinging tantrum with a 6-10, 270 pound black dude on the court on Saturday may have burned off a few pounds as well. I ended up with a scraped forehead but he ended up with three broken ribs. I think I won that one. We’re friends now.
Bad news, I will write updates a lot more for no one to read, since the updates will come sparingly now.
Did you know- a guy held a gun to my head, politely asking for my wallet, on Sunday night in downtown Sarasota and I did the classic “Weekend at Bernie’s” move by pushing it aside and saying “Get that goddamn gun out of my face” and kept walking…..and it actually worked!!! He never followed up.
On IPOD right now- “What you give”- Tesla
Good luck, Jeff, on the writing endeavor. I’m sure you can pull it off. I predict the translucents will be on some kind of anti-anxiety medication before long. I think it’s great they’re now being exposed to a somewhat normalizing experience. They need to learn what normal is. Your kids must be doubling over with laughter after hearing of their cousins’ traumatic experiences.
AWG – Great news! Keep up the good work!
The good news is there is no bad news. At least it’s not the other way around. Yes, the sisters can be cruel when they smell dork. Nothing he can do but run and hide in shame. Lil’ Wayne and Chris Brown won’t even help him out of that mess. Speaking of Chris Brown, bowties? WTF?
Thanks, Greg.
By the way, the hold up guy was a guest of our country, wearing a hair net over his face. But I get chastised every time I criticize these folks, so I won’t.
On IPOD right now- ‘Save it for Later”- The English Beat
Nancy needs to look around more. Most 5th grade girls are “developing”. Of course, she probably wouldn’t recognize normal child development if it smacked her in the face.
Just curious- Is there as much of an uproar around the rest of the country, as here in Florida, that Obamalama is speaking to the school kids today at noon on schoolTV? They are offering alternative rooms to go into here for the kids whose parents don’t want them to hear it..
On IPOD right now- “Vehicle”- The Ides of March
AWG – Congrats on the weight loss and I really don’t get what the big deal is about Obama talking to school kids. Will someone please enlighten me?
I have bad news coming out of my ass at this point in time, so I won’t bore you. Suffice to say, we aren’t leaving for italy on the target date of September 15th. We’ve moved said target date to November 1st. Send good vibes.
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
AWG – The speech was no big deal here in Parkersburg, WV. I don’t even think any controversy was mentioned in the newspaper.
Angry White Guy, you’ll appreciate this. I have a friend who lives in Bradenton and is an ex pro boxer. He even fougt for the cruiser weight title a couple of times.
Well he was coming out of the local convenience store one day and was accosted by a thug who demanded his money.
My friend was carrying a quart of chocolate milk which he loves. He pretends to go along with the thug and says “OK, buddy. Take it easy. I’ll give you my money. Would you hold this chocolate milk for me for a second?”
The thug actually takes the chocolate milk while my friend puts a wicked left hook on his jaw. He was out before he even reached the ground and you could have counted to 50 and he wasn’t getting up.
Later Ron said “The last thing an old cruiser weight loses is his power.” LOL
Bad news: I’m at work
Good news: I’m being paid to read this update
Nancy and her poles – my new band name
Rusty, that is excellent. Had a similar experience in Bradenton couple of years ago where a piece of shit reached in my car window to grab my wallet, which I had on the dashboard and I rolled the window up and dragged him for two blocks, right to the Bradenton Police Dept. He fell to the ground when I unrolled my window and an officer was right there to pick him up. Ron and I should team up as a vigilante crime fighting duo. Several other times I thwarted a crime in this city or in Bradenton.
On IPOD right now- “Hey Little World”- The Hives
Good news- I have managed to get half way through the day without killing anyone.
Bad news- My boss is an evil biz-natch!
Very clever, AZCO!
The bad news is that I woke up a few hours ago to find that I had no cream for my daily purgative. And since I removed the air inlet hoses and elbows on my car to get the correct part numbers and was/am too lazy to put them back together, I couldn’t make a quick run to the grocery store.
The good news is that I’m now having my morning coffee and it’s IRISH instead.
Bad news: my car was broken into last week, right before I was trying to leave for the big weekend.
Good news: they didn’t steal anything (that I know of).
They must have seen my iPod charger/adapter and ransacked my car looking for the iPod. As the cop said, “I fooled them!” I still had to buy a new window though, and I’m paranoid about driving to work now. It happened between 9:30am-2pm on what I thought was a safe and pedestrian-populated street in front of my office in Chicago. Just another reason NOT to have a car in the city I guess!
AWG- you are doing an amazing job!!! keep up the good work.
Good news- I am getting promoted
bad news- I can’t tell anyone……except you surfers!!!
As for the Obama speech….i have no idea what the big deal is. I cannot stand him but i read the speech and it really is just an admonition to kids to take responsibilty for their own lives. You know you can’t blame everything on your pole walking mom that dressed you in a skirt.
By the way, I greatly admire Mr. Obama and voted for him, so my mother’s brainwashing of me at an impressionable age did not work. (Hope that’s not too much of a “Some of my best friends are” statement.) Just wanted to make that clear. (And yet, I’m still compelled to avoid staring, lest there be some grain of truth in Mom’s admonitions. But actually, it’s a good idea not to stare at anybody, regardless of ethnicity, so maybe it was good advice after all.)
Renee – the car break-in sucks. My car was parked a a commuter train station within 50 feet of the station attendant’s booth (they do little more than sit and watch that no one jumps the turnstile) and was broken into in broad daylight. Not only was I pissed that the attendant didn’t bother to report the sounds of smashing glass (mine wasn’t the only car broken into that day), but that the thief used a sizable river rock courtesy of the lot’s landscaping. At the end of a long workday, I really didn’t need to see my stereo gone, glass all over the back seat, and the offending river rock staring me in the face, mocking me. Granted, I had gotten lazy and didn’t bother to take the faceplate off my stereo that day, but I drive a 1996 Volvo wagon. Who puts a nice stereo in an old wagon? I thought the sight of my car alone was a deterrent and not worth the effort to walk over to check, but I have since corrected my thinking.
The good news in all of that: My brother owns a car audio business, so I get the good stuff real cheap-like. The insurance company paid for the window, the stereo, and for about $1000 of “damage” where the door was slightly dinged and scratched when the thief crawled in and out. (Didn’t open the car door because that would have set the alarm off and drawn attention, right?) I opted to pocket the cash. Fixing the “damage” would be like putting lipstick on a pig.
Hey, at least the thief didn’t take my ENTIRE A/C system like he did from the junky old Mazda a row away. Didn’t realize the A/C was in high demand among thieves until the police officer told me that it was compatible with other cars frequently driven by young men with no money. Who knew?
Good news: I woke up this morning! Bad news:I woke up this morning! Jeff a suggestion: It might seem that you are writing your best stuff when in actual fact you are suffering from “Yurt syndrome” too much time in a deprevation tank & anything seems hilarious! please feel free to use us as free critics, leave the odd sample of your work in progress & allow your loyal fans to skewer( I mean critque) it! sort of like running a sitcom before a preview audience!
It took me a fucking hour to figure out the significance of the bunkercam today. DId anyone see the horses right away, or did it take awhile?
On IPOD right now- “High Plains Drifter”- Beastie Boys
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
Good News – My busted up big toe is getting better, only 5 shades of purple now and I can put weight on it.
Bad News – I’m almost certain I’m going to lose the toenail and am freaking out about it. Have never had this happen to me and I don’t know what to expect. Will it hurt like hell? Will it be a fucked up bloody mess? I’m seriously panicked on this one. Feedback anyone? Help me……..
In other good news – I’m in the playoffs for my golf league championship tomorrow. Other good news I’m headed to Dayton Ohio on Friday morning for a 3 day golf league excursion. I’ll be playing some very nice upscale courses. Then a week from tomorrow I’m playing at a country club courtesy of one of my lenders. Golf, beer and food all on the house. Hey, free is me!
Bad news – With the weather and the seasons changing, I’m not going to be golfing much more past the next 6 weeks.
Good news- Steelers’ opener on Thursday night, Penguins start pre-season play next week!
Bad news – The Pirates just sealed their 17th consecutive losing season.
Man, those two kids are going to have perma-wedgie before they get out of that school.
Lot’s of fifth graders “developing” here…including mine. Good news…got a raise. Bad news…the Boss O’ Me won’t let me spend any of it on well…ME!
Good News…I still have a job.
Bad News…Ditto
AWG-Awesome 22lbs in 12 days, you eating anything beside’s salads and veggies? Also the Obama speech is all the rage on WLW but I think it got overblown before anyone took the time to see what was in the speech.
JCIII-Dayton is a golf destination? Who knew. Where you playing?
Jeff-Just get the book done so you can retire on the royalties, then you can spend all day on the WVSR.
WB- added chicken (baked, no skin) over the weekend to the rotation, but instead of eating like… a whole baked chicken, I just had a little over four ounces each time. I gotta say, I am hungrier every day that I have ever been in my life.
People were threatening to remove their kids from school over the speech here.
On IPOD right now- “Scar Tissue”- RHCP
WB in OH –
Sorry, my bad. Not Dayton but Canton. That’s not the 1st time I’ve made that mistake.
In Canton
Friday at the Legends of Massillon
Saturday at Skyland Pines
Sunday at Sanctuary Golf Club
Wednesday the 19th back in PA playing at Connoquenessing CC
Nancy and the poles – sounds like Nordic Walking has made it to the Carolinas. Became the big exercise thing over here in Germany for the over-40 set a few years ago, which I never got. You’re walking with ski poles. How they hell is that more exercise than just plain walking? Still laugh my ass off when I see people walking around with the poles.
I see people walking around with two poles from time to time. They’re in every “Climbing Mt. Everest” documentary I’ve ever seen.
Is Nancy’s office/hometown on the unimproved side of a mountain? If it is (and I suspect that it it s) I have no problem with the poles.
If you want a great site on bad names for children, check out “Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing” at the following URL:
http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html
The names are ridiculous, the comments are hilarious.
Jeff, if you have time between Yurt sessions to look this site over, perhaps you could tell us (at least) if the translucent’s names appear in a certain section?
I have to rant a little bit about soy-toting, pole-packing parents who are trying to correct all the social injustice of the last 2000 years through their offspring. These folks will never realize or admit that the modern world they hate so much came about because of a group of tough, no-nonsense meat-eaters, who, regardless of religious affiliation, ate everything in sight, fought off those who threatened them, and organized themselves politically to protect their property (also called “pride in ownership”).
The hypocracy of this group of people is astounding. Never mind that in a famine, drought or blight-ruiined harvest, they’d be lining up to eat possum/squirrel/raccoon/sheep/cow/pig with the rest of us, most of what they teach is moral relativism, that right and wrong don’t exist (only “frameworks” exist, so if you are “right” within your “framework”, you are “right” – kids take this to mean “absolutely right”, and wind up without a fucking clue about anything).
Jeff, best of luck with the opus. I am under contract for three writing projects (one of them since 1998!) and the first will see the light of day early next year. It’s damn hard, so more power to you for digging in.
Good news: The wife and mother-in-law are on a cruise ship in the Bahamas, out of cell phone contact and they are both too cheap to do email on the ship. Yay!
Bad news: I have the rugrats for 5 straight days. This is mid-afternoon of day 2 and I’m already hitting the wine and beer stash I created in anticipation of certain needs.
Obama’s speech to the younguns was fine – he can’t get any political mileage out of kids who won’t be able to vote for him in 2012, and their parents can make up their own minds, as is their right. The message was simple, strong and good: nothing is handed to you, stay off the soy, and get rid of the damn ski poles, you morons.
Oh, hey AWG – I found that table I forgot to forward to you on soluble fiber….
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/chd/Tipsheets/solfiber.htm
Looks like frijoles help lower cholesterol AND make your buttcheeks sing.
Bad news: Feel a cold coming on….the whole stuffy, runny, snotty, drippy nose, achey head and throat, hot and cold, burning eyes, tired…the whole fucking kit-n-kaboodle. WTF? I hate colds. My eyes look like two pee holes in the sand for a week, my hair gets frizzy (?), I get zits. Great….bad hair, bad skin, sunken eyes. Got drugs?
Good news: Steelers start the season Thursday night!
Re: Obamalama in school Heh, funny, reminds me of Mahnahmahnah on the Muppets (look it up). They could remake that song with an Obama puppet as the main character with Hilary and Nanci Pelosi puppets!
Numerous reports in Texas about people keeping their kids out of school and districts actually printing permission slips. Some schools avoid the issue entirely and just refuse to show it – saying that they can watch it at home.
I’m not sure about this one, guys. Are people scared that he’s going to spout some kind of socialist brainwashing death ray thriough the TV? I would LIKE to believe that his speech will be uplifting and have a inspirational message, and I’ll bet that’s all it will (TRY to) be. BUT, with the ever growing rift in the two parties and all the resulting anger? Hey he just might, out of spite, encourage your little one to “discover their inner homosexual,” or “strive daily to be more French,” or something…..
Ah, it’s all going to be self affirming stuff, with a little bit of “embrace multi-culturalism,” and tolerance, blah, blah, blah. Oh sure he’ll probably throw some more borderline -ism stuff in there, but I *suppose* you never know.
That’s why these parents are freaking out, or more appropriately, about 30% of them are freaking out to make it look like 90%, as always happens with both sides of the fence.
Actually, the schools that had the permission slip thing had a good idea – let parents decide. Then little Johnny could be excused to the computer lab to play HALO, while all the others had to pack themselves in the auditorium for the presidential spectacle.
The best idea? Don’t fucking show it. No fuss, no muss, watch the shit at home, if you want. Let little Shaniqua do her ABC’s at school, like she’s supposed to, instead of watching the 3rd most powerful black man in the world (right behind Jordan, Tiger Woods, and Don King).
AWG – The dragging the guy with arm rolled up in the window is the most amazing thing I ever heard of. And keep going on your diet. I am rooting for you.
The bad news – Jeff will most likely go thru a personal hell during the Christmas invasion of Nancy and her gang.
The good news – Jeff is going to have some great stories for us, because of it! I can’t wait!
Jeff – You have our support. Go for it! Spend the time you need to finish your book. I’m sure as long as we have AWG (and he doesn’t get shot or nuthin’) then we’ll be okay with stories and updates while you’re working towards the Nov 1st deadline!
Anything fun happen on the Labor Day holiday for anyone? Just another day for me.
Good news: I sold two houses on the same day last week ($275K and $265K). Bad news: I got the hangovers again.
I’m eating a plate of fried chicken feets and they are very good. I gave up on dieting.
As for all you Obama lovers, how’s that “HOPE” and “CHANGE” working for you?
Jason-That ought to keep you in chicken feets and sow bellies for a while!
My neighbor switched from Miller lite to Coors light and claims he no longer gets hangovers, I’d rather drink bleach than Coors light. I’m gonna try the banana pepper thing, sounds like fun!
Good news: Going on vacation the 17th – 24th
Bad news: “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” will have a sneak preview in Austin while I’m away…
Put me down on the list for I need hints about the names. I would also like to know. Misspelled and/or mispronounced name? I once had an girl whos name was spelled exactly as follows OnAsTEE. That is right. Honesty. She was a dirty little liar.
With NandN I would guess really shitty hippy names like Andronicus, or Spirtfire. Just give us the genre of names…please!
Good vibes going out to you, Knucklehead. ~~~
I think any encouragement to school kids is cool with me. I’ll see if anything happened when I talk to my lil’un when I get home tonight.
HOPE is everlasting and CHANGE ain’t easy but is definitely worth it!
Jeff, good luck in your yurt. I admire your fortitude. It’ll all be worth it and we’ll all say ‘we knew him when…’
Jeff,
You started so tame, but damn it got ugly. Those children have been the source of your best material, but I smell the hatred. Ouch.
I’ll miss your more frequent updates, but I’ll buy your book. Cheers, MemSahib.
Our Reds Fell, and will probably fall again. It sucks to suck.
GS
Jason – Come on man, if AWG dropped 22 in 12 days and I dropped 45 in two months, you can do it man. Put the chicken foot down, munch on some rabbit food and get out there and work it off.
I thought we all kinda agreed not to get political on this here “blog”?
My sister dropped 30 in 40 with that HCG nonsense.
I’ll start dieting tomorrow then. I just got word that we’re ordering Chinese tonight. I always feel like I get the wrong thing. I get overwhelmed and end up ordering sweet and sour pork or something. Any suggestions?
Will someone please fill me in on these loons in Jeff’s life? I’ve been coming here for a long time but apparently not long enough. I must know who these people are and how they came to get names like hammerhead and mumbles.
Good news: I made it through the intense caffeine-deprived headache that came with giving up Mountain Dew and Diet Pepsi. Yes, you guys inspired me….don’t let it go to your heads.
Bad News: Since I’m a chick it won’t make a damn bit of difference in my weight.
To the person with the deceased toenail. No, it won’t hurt when it falls off. In fact, it will probably be nudged off by a thin flimsy nail growing underneath. The blood will have long since dried up and will probably be permanently attached to the old nail. It’s pretty cool. Then again I could pack an open wound with one hand and eat a piece of pizza with the other. Gotta love being a nurse.
Jason – I have a long standing fear with Chinese food. The funky flavors and weird looking meat just freak me out. I always stick with what I know…seseme chicken with extra steamed broccoli.
RNK,
I’ll get you started. “Hammerhead” is their shit drizzling dog like beast that always has a “please kill me” look in his eyes.
T. Farty – who is “their”? Are they Toney’s family? Jeff you need to do a glossary of the cast of characters. I love the stories about them, I just don’t know who the hell they are.
I fear I’ve said to much already……..
Here’s as good a place to start as any:
The Nancy Papers
http://thewvsr.com/nnn02.htm
Bad news – I gotta spend the rest of the week in some pointless meeting.
Good news – After that, two weeks of home leave. Yaayy! Back to the US of A! Cheeseburgers and pizza every day.
JCIII, don’t worry about the toenail. I lost both big-toe nails a few years ago, courtesy of some ill-fitting ski boots, but they grew back just fine. Funny-looking, but pain-free throughout. Just watch out for those fungal infections – don’t be shy about asking the doc for Lamisil pills if need be.
Brynhildr said, “I thought we all kinda agreed not to get political” – some of us appear not to have gotten the message. The thing about political opinions is that by expressing one here, one is either preaching to the choir or self-identifying as a retarded asshole. Useless in either case.
Currently sticking faithfully to my strict regimen of T-bone and beer.
I fucking choked. I went with General Tso’s chicken and pork egg rolls. I think Jeff mentioned cashew chicken before but I couldn’t bare the idea of nuts in my food.
@Jason Beef and mushrooms is my fave! Gotta have crab rangoon.
And the last comment by @chill. Fan-freaking-tastic! Bravo!
Thanks for the link, Mike. People like that don’t really exist do they? I can’t believe Jeff would let them in his state let alone his house. Those see-through kids need beat to within and inch of their lives. Nostrils…wells he just needs kicked in his non-existent balls. I was getting nauseous reading about him sucking down chicken bones and smacking his lips. Goddamn that’s disgusting and one of my biggest pet-peeves. As for Nancy, there are no words for her haughty brand of superiority.
Bad News: Tomorrows another day.
Good News: Tomorrows another day.
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Good news: Notre Dame won on Saturday.
Bad news: They played unranked Nevada, so it couldn’t have been difficult.
More bad news: I was freakin busy at work today and am just getting around to reading today’s update. And now I have to leave for a boring-ass 3-hour class and haven’t finished reading the comments!!!
Curse like it was 2003 again. Pussy!
AWG – thx, I wouldn’t have noticed the horses unless you mentioned. Probably woulda stared at the picture and given up. Giddy-up!!!
Who cares about your hopes and dreams? I submit that I do not. Twice daily updates for the remainder of 2009! I’m starting a gosh-danged petition.
Jeff, you go my friend. You’ve been a great source of entertainment. Looking fwd to your future work. I’m sure we can entertain ourselves where needed. I have alot of questions to ask people. Just need ringleaders to fill in once in awhile to set the topic.
JCII I’ve heard that if you poke under the nail to release the blood there is less likelyhood to lose the nail, Haven’t tried it. I am a trail runner and often lose nails on the downhills also a complete klutz. Suck it up…
Life can be way worse.
I second RNK’s request for a decoder list of family nicknames! Who the hell are Sunshine & Mumbles??
Thanks for the list Garrett. I could eat black beans every day. They weren’t on the cholesteral burning list the doctor gave me.
30 Miles South- been shot before. Doesn’t stop me.
Kristy- Sunshine and Mumbles are Jeff’s in-laws.
On IPOD right now- “Sara Smile”- Hall and Oates
Just kidding again- God, that never gets old!
“Anarchy in the UK”- Sex Pistols
Sunshine and Mumbles are Nancy’s mom and stepdad. Or at least I think it’s stepdad. Sunshine is a hypochondriac narcissist with a propensity for ‘antibiotic’ attacks that leave her unable to engange any kind of interpersonal filter, resulting in many a bannination from public places. Mumbles suffers in silence, as far as I can tell.
Ther are three Translucents. The oldest one is a future serial killer. He has a favorite skirt, is a LEGO genius, and from what’s been told here, is utterly incapable of genuine social interaction. Think Dexter.
Nancy is a pit-pelted hippie mama who is probably still breastfeeding the youngest child, perhaps the two youngest, and very possibly all three. She believes grilled eggplant is an acceptable substitute for a hamburger.
Nostrils is Nancy’s husband, a closet smoker, and a wanna-be carnivore. He is also probably still breastfeeding.
For more information, please go back and read the entire history of this site. You will NOT regret the time spent, I guarantee!!!
The bad news is that my wife only puts out one night a year. The good news is that last night was the night!
@Kristy, S and M are the mother and father in law. Read back in the archives for some of their antics…truly priceless stuff!
Good News: Week is half over
Bad News: Bears (still a great movie)
I’m gonna get all political and throw in my 2-cents: I like beer, burritos, and bowling (and that just covers the letter B).
Suggestion for an e-book:
Every scrap of N & N EVER mentioned. Shot paragraphs, sentences, updates and *special* updates, Nancy papers all condensed into a Volume 1 e-book. That would be a great project.
For those of you who don’t understand the N&N saga, you HAVE to read the story about helping them move. The one with the moving van and wind up car….
Anybody have the link?
Got to admit the blogs about his visiting relatives are always the funniest.
I second the suggestion that anyone who has not already done so should start at the very beginning of this adventure and work your way forward. It will most likely take a few months (unless you’re unemployed and can spend 12 hours a day reading the site), but it will be well worth the effort. You will laugh often and hard. (http://thewvsr.com/previousnotes.htm)
i have not been able to go through the comments, so forgive me if this is a repeat – but will we loyal reporters be able able to buy a signed book from you???
You gotta go spicy with the chinese food. Get some General Tso’s chicken
Good News: We are first time home buyers! We sign the papers next week AND we do not have to move cause we are buying this house! YAY!
Bad News: My day off tomorrow but I have to spend it like I did the last three Thursdays helping my mother “take loads over” so there will be less work on moving day.
Good News : There will be less work on moving day and I get to spend time with my Mom .
Bad News Our school district was one that refused to show the Barry Speech
Good News We have a broadband internet connection at home and Mom made BOTH teens watch it directly after she did. Talk about a veto.
I love that man. He is perfection.
WHY IS MAINSTREAM MEDIA SO AFRAID OF THIS MAN??