Sneezing, Death, Good Beer, and Punch Lines
I was at work one day last week, when some kid, maybe nineteen years old, asked me the following question: Have you ever had Kraft Macaroni and Cheese?
Just thought you’d want to know. Maybe tonight he’ll inquire about whether or not I’ve ever taken a deep breath, or buttoned a shirt?
I wish I’d been quick enough to say, “Had it? You mean in a sexual way? I don’t think so, although parts of the ’80s are a blur. Put me down for ‘probably not.’”
Can you think of any especially stupid questions you’ve been asked? Tell us about it.
The younger Secret reportedly sneezed at school a few days ago, and I guess this practically set off an air raid siren. He said a nurse was suddenly there. He doesn’t know where she came from, she just appeared before he’d even had a chance to finish his choo!
“Sneeze and cough into your elbow!” she yelled at him. Heh. That’s the new thing, isn’t it? We have posters at my job, showing cartoon characters sneezing into their elbows. Where does this stuff come from?
And how long before we start seeing people walking around with a shiny patch halfway down their left arm?
Jim Carroll died over the weekend, and I hate that. Sometimes he came across as pretentious, I thought, what with all the poetry and spoken word performances. But he left behind three works that made me a longtime fan.
And they are, Catholic Boy (his first album), I Write Your Name (his third album — the second was a turd), and his grimy, disturbing autobiographical book, The Basketball Diaries. The albums are very good, and the book is great.
Most people remember him for the song “People Who Died,” and that’s fine. It’s a memorable tune. But there was more to the man. It reminds me of the days when people used to refer to Randy Newman as “that Short People guy.” Wow!
Anyway, here’s a raucous version of that song, performed live on some unknown TV show. RIP Jim, and all that stuff.
On Saturday we bought a case of Sierra Nevada Anniversary Ale. We tried a 6-pack a few weeks back, and it was freaking fantastic. We had to buy the case hot, and I worked on Sunday night, so it’ll probably be Saturday before we actually break into it.
But it’s chilling in our basement fridge as I type this, whispering sweet nothings through the floorboards… Oh yeah. Here’s a review that summarizes my thoughts, better than I ever could. I think.
And remember how I said there’d be extra-lame weeks here at the Surf Report for a while? Yeah, well this is one of them. The updates will probably be abbreviated, and only run through Wednesday. Sorry, but I’m taking my box of Little Debbies and walking into the forest in a few days… I’m in the middle of prep period. November 1 will be here before I know it…
I’ll leave you now with a Question I think will be kinda fun. But there are some ground rules… I’d like to know your favorite punch lines. Not the whole joke, mind you, just the punch lines.
I’ll get the ball rolling with three, off the top of my head:
“Now that’s what I was waiting for, a HOT meal!”
“Turn her over, Luke! Turn her over!!”
“Supplies!”
Please resist the temptation to tell complete jokes, just give us the punch lines. Sometimes it’s funnier without the context. We’ll see how it goes…
Have a great day, my friends.
I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
First!!
Deuce!!!
ok…got it out of my system…maybe my fav. punchline(if it is that) is…Sphincter say what??? hahahha
ok. back to working out
Third…..maybe!
“You’re scared? I have to walk out of here alone!”
“Why, don’t you have a vase?”
“Four, if you count the two I hit when I stepped on the rake.”
If you like the anniversary ale, try this:
http://ratebeer.com/beer/sierra-nevada-torpedo-extra-ipa/59261/
“As soon as I find my keys, we can drive out here”
“Some people just don’t know how to tell a joke”
“She got fired, too”
Dumb question: “Can you think of any especially stupid questions you’ve been asked?”
Punch lines:
That’s not a duck, that’s my lawyer
Because snakes don’t have armpits
Because he’s a little bigger
“Why do you ask, Two-Dogs Fucking?”
—
“And deep too.”
Whoa, you can keep the duck.
- The he said, “She ate a Cheerio off my dick!”
- And that’s when they saw the sign that said “Welcome to Oklahoma!”
… and they just get more vulgar from there…
I Fuck craft mac & cheese
“I’ll have the soup!”
“No, it’s just ice-cream.”
Hiya
I’ve been lurking in the shadows for too long and need to jump in and join the fun! So – Hi everyone!
Punchline:
“The rocks, dummies, the rocks.
I have 2 favorite punch lines…
“Spit ‘em out everyone they’re assholes” and
“they plant plastic mexicans in their yard”
Hahahaha…. I forgot about “They plant plastic Mexicans in their yard!!!!”
But fifty dollars is fifty dollars!
…and you think I actually wished for a 12-inch pianist?
…you can unsrcew a light bulb.
…nothing, she’s already been told twice.
True Story:(Naturally because I don’t expect you to beleive it!): North of the Border in: “let’s wear a Maple Leaf to Piss off Jeffs wife land: Mac& cheese is so popular we actually referr to it generically as: “Kraft Dinner” Canada’s other alternative to”crack” is Tim Hortons Coffee! combine both products & you have the elixer that put virtually every Canadian College kid through school!! In fact I always carry both when travelling because the world is full of Ex-pat Canadians! A couple of years ago I was travelling in the U.K. on business & we were in some remote pub in Oxfordshire, the waitress just happened to be from Toronto on a work permit & was feeling mighty homesick! 4 packs of Kraft dinner & a Can of Tims later I had the best evening of my life! So yes people Jason is correct there is such a thing as: Cheees Sex:)
Best puch line: “Shit said the King! and a thousand asses lay basking in the sun”
PUNCH LINES-
I’m sorry to disappoint you, miss, but you’re sucking on my arm. (Cut from “Blazing Saddles”
He should have quit while he was a head.
He gave me a 10 inch pianist.
Roll aids!
STUPID QUESTIONS
Sorry. were you sleeping?
If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
Won’t you regret that when you’re 80?
On IPOD right now- Soundgarden- “Jesus Christ Pose”
As for stupid questions:
Somebody awhile back asked me if I was ready.
Ready? Of course I’m ready; I’m always ready; I WAS BORN READY!
Punchline: Abcess makes the fart go ‘Honda’
Would I? Harelip, harelip, harelip…
Off the top of my head, all from the legendary truck stop comedian Gene Tracy.
“No, you don’t understand, you stroke it four or five times, it turns into a suit case”
“Married? Hell, I ain’t even Catholic, but I had to tell somebody”
“I cain’t DAMMIT, I ain’t got fifty dollars”
A few favorites-
-Gimme some chapstick and put in on my bill
-So they don’t whistle on the way down
- Arrows? I didn’t even see the Indians!
- Go ahead. I’ll hold your monkey for you.
- Rectum? Damn near killed ‘em!
Dumb questions…I get zillions taking calls in the ER. One that stands out was a woman who called during an ice storm. Power lines were dropping in various places around the city which left thousands without power for days and, therefore, without heat. The woman began by saying they had been running their gas fireplace all day as that was their only source of heat. However, now the family was about to go to bed. Her question: “If we leave the gas fireplace burning all night while we’re sleeping, will we be dead by morning?” She said, ya know because of the carbon monoxide? We can’t give medical advice over the phone so I had to choose my words carefully.
Me: So this is a fireplace that was built as part of your home?
Her: Yes. We’ve used in about 5 years now.
Me: Why? Does someone in your house feel sick?
Her: No.
Me: So you’ve been burning the fireplace all day?
Her: Right.
Me: Are you dead yet?
Her: *long pause as the realization of her stupidity sets in* Um, ok, that makes sense. If we’ve burned it all day and we’re ok, then I guess we’d be ok burning it all night too.
Me: That is a reasonable assumption but unfortunately we can’t give out advice over the phone. *what I really wanted to say: “You are a fucking idiot! Please blow out the pilot light and save us all the trouble.”*
Punch line: ….You can touch it, you can fuck it, but for God’s sake don’t suck it! How do you think I got this short?!
Punch line..Thats the money hole… Thats the corn hole.
Favorite punch line:
“Now where’s the whore that needs her tooth pulled?”
Aw Shit, Bill! I haven’t thought about Gene Tracy in years-
“Shit, Doc, that explains it, it was grape jelly”
I never cared for Jim. I have a copy of Downtown Diaries that someone gave me years ago.
dumbest question:
What time does the 10 O’ Clock train leave?
This is the best of about 100 coming from the tourist industry.
Stupid question: Is your father Jewish?
Answer: No…why?
Really stupid answer: I thought he was a member of the Boumi Temple?
Punch lines:
Stevie Wonder with a Rubiks Cube
A buck forty-five! A buck forty-five!!!!
I don’t know but his face sure rings a bell.
1. “You don’t eat parsley.”
2. “Yeah, bad meat in the can.”
3. “Plpht.” (The sound of expelling something off of your tongue.)
Punch lines:
“Can I push your stool in for ya?”
“Moo moo Bucka roo!”
“The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.”
“It’s good to be the king.” (Mel Brooks)
“That’s okay, Honey, I lied, too. My name is Bob and I’m on my way to a masquerade party!”
Happy Monday, Surfers!
My favorite Jim Carroll song was “Three Sisters”.
Punch line:
” I wanna hold your hand”
“I said face, not vase!”
” Ubangi? You betcha”
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
I just had a stupid question asked of me this weekend. I was carrying my golf clubs through the hotel lobby and a older man held the door for me. He asks… “So, going golfing today?”
In hindsight I should have said something about going duck hunting, but no, I just nodded my head and said “Yep, got a nice day for it too.”
Punchlines:
Well, the nurse doesn’t get me out of bed until 8.
Yeah, it’s nice. Wanna fuck?
Death!….by Boola-Boola!!
Here’s what I think about your canoe!
In about ten minutes she’ll be 18.
Getting the bloodstains out of your clown suit.
“I’m done here if you want to follow me over to Wal-Mart…”
That’s very sad about Jim. I actually just watched The Basketball Diaries for the first time last month. Jim had cameo in that as an older heroin addict. Had to re-listen to Catholic Boy immediately. Fantastic album from start to finish. A New Jersey friend recommended it to me in the 80s. This WV boy would not have come across that album in West-by-God.
@Trevor, “You’re scared? I have to walk out of here alone!”
One of the sickest jokes ever!
@ wvgasman, a real classic in my family!
Oh yeah, anyone remember the Mad magazine paperback cartoons, “Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer?” Use to have a bunch of those when I was a youngling.
Punchlines:
“When I got to the 7th commandment, I remembered where I left my bike!”
“Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day, mon!”
“I am hung like a baby! 8 pounds, 5 ounces!”
“This apple tastes like shit!”
“Turn it over!”
“Neither has Stevie Wonder!”
“It took 10 days to get the bus from the wreckage”
I recently received a lot of dumb questions when I showed up to work after a raucous weekend at the beach burned to a crips. From several people I received the following:
“Oh wow, are you burned?!”
“Did you know you’re sunburned?”
“Wow, you’re burned, does that hurt?”
Punchline: ‘Give him your underwear, Harold’
shitmydadsays update: “Happy birthday, I didn’t get you a present…Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then too, unless it’s shitty.”
Now Playing on iPhone: ‘Russian March’ by The New Rags
Punchlines:
“You idiot, I said posse!”
“Well sir, you see she’s got worms and you know how I love to fish”
My two faves:
OH SHIT!! Isn’t this 412-555-1212?!?
I have no idea! But who ever it was tore the hell out of my asshole!!!!
My date was Peter Peter pumpkin eater
Oh… then that explains the goatee
“and the priest said “OH! I thought you said STIGMATA!”
“Mustard, custard, and YOU you simple shit!”
“No, I’m a frayed knot!”
“Neutrons have Mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic!”
“I picked the scabs!”
More Gene -
“Why shit, we’ll go at night !!”
“I’ll tell you another damned thing, if I find a noodle in here, I ain’t payin’ for this son of a bitch either !!”
“Well momma, can I just keep it up ’til I need glasses?”
“After another two weeks, they were so ashamed of what they were doing, they buried her”
“I don’t mind that but every time I pass a buffet table it starts shoving rolls up my ass”
“Give it a couple days and it will fall off by itself”
“Yellow in the front, brown in the back”
“to pee with”
Oh, and:
“you should have been in here last week, some guy fucked a chicken”
“I tried like hell but I was too short to climb up on the bed”
“Me no like your horse either.”
no thats just a little ice cream
“The lady doctor then laughed and said, “I’m just pulling your leg. He’s dead. Show me what you bought.”
“What’s your name?” the woman asks. “Beervagina,” he replies.
“Well, it all depends on how much vitamin E I can get my hands on.”
“Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I’ve been there ever since.”
“Oh deary dear. Look what the cat dragged in.”
“Timmy? I think you’ve got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you.”
“I’m not saying this is the first time I’ve been in here, just usually it is another part of my anatomy that does the leading.”
” I just wanted the visual.”
People ask me stupid shit all the time. My wife often says, “Wanna have sex?” Stupid question. I basically grope her and look for a place to stick it whenever I’m around her. Or one of my friends saying, “We’re going to have some beers. Wanna go?” Stupid. Always yes.
Favorite punchlines:
“That was our last puke mug, asshole.”
“I fuck cheese.”
“Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.”
“Ten percent of nuthin’ is…let me do the math here…nuthin’ into nuthin’…carry the nuthin’…”
“Well, my days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”
“How did your brain even learn human speech? I’m just so curious.”
“This is the captain. We have a…little problem with our engine sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then…explode.”
“Shiny. Let’s be bad guys.”
and now my favorite line and I’m done:
“Come a day there won’t be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well not be another. So here’s us, on the raggedy edge.”
“George Bush doesn’t care about white people.”
“Beyonce had the best video of all time.”
Is it Moosecock?
…the sobbing Monk said, “it says celeBRATE!!”
Stupid question people ask me:
Are you serious?
Why don’t you date her?
Are you losing weight?
What happened to your beard?
Do you have any questions?
Stupid questions:
1. What’s the difference between Thailand and Taiwan? (from a Wharton grad, no less)
2. You mean, you don’t want to get pregnant?
Punchlines:
1. His Balzac, of course.
2. A pimple waits until you’re 13 before coming on your face.
3. One is a Goodyear and the other is a damn good year.
4. Four months vacation and five good leads.
5. “Because I want to gargle before she sits in it,” said the nun.
- It took me the better part of a month to get the smile off her face
- Ok, now what?
- What the hell does he need with a drywaller?
- Well, I was sitting in this refridgerator…
- Your light was on
- Jesus! It’s in the papers already?!
Rectum? Damn near killed him.
Focus? Bofus?
“Elephino”
and
“Silly Rabbi, trips are for Trids.”
Damn, Jeff – when are we gonna get to hear the jokes these punchlines are attached to? I recognize many, and some look like they’d be pretty damned funny!
-I’m a frayed knot.
-There are skid marks infront of the snake.
Stupidest question ever asked me, by one of, what I’m sure was the results of affirmitive action type hiring. I will simply refer to her as Stupid;
Let me set the stage: I am making a custom audio/video patch panel, gathered connectors and layed things out, all having been observed by Stupid. So I’m standing at the drill press with my panel, about halfway through drilling holes, and up comes Stupid and asks….
“What are you doing?”
I get one of my patented what the fuck do you think? looks, and simply respond “Drilling Holes” without skipping a beat.
“Oh” and off she wanders.
The guy working nearby busts out laughing as soon as she clears the room. He’ll still bring up that whenever her name is uttered around the shop. “Drilling??? Holes???” he’ll say mimicking her annoying accent…
‘A good goat will do that for ya”
mmmm…. goat cheese…. I know what I’m having for dinner.
“Isn’t he a little old to still believe in this genie stuff?”
“Ain’t nobody gonna be there but me and you.”
“Oh, they fired her too.”
Stupid Questions: My whole day is riddled with stupid questions. Today’s winner comes from a social worker who is trying to get us to house one of her clients ASAP:
Me: The unit will be available on October 15th.
Her: Can it be available any sooner?
Me: Such as?
Her: Tomorrow or Wednesday?
Me: No. Someone is still living there until the first of October, and we need to paint, change the carpets and do some repairs.
Her: Can’t you ask the other people to move out early?
Me: You want me to ask them to move out tomorrow?!!!?!?!
Her: Is that a problem?
Punchlines:
-He can taste the blood on his dad’s dick.
-A washing machine doesn’t follow you around for two weeks just because you dump a load into it.
-Do you know what you got? You got two feet of my cock in your ass!!!
You can’t fit a sorority girl inside a bowling ball.
So you can pick ‘em up like a six-pack.
Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant.
Clearly I can see your nuts.
Punch line:
“Looks like 3 monkey f*ckin a football”
“It was that bar bitch you ate.”
when your brother’s dick tastes like shit
I was talking to the PIG!
the moral of the story: he lost the weight
Bring some rope, because Bill doesn’t swing that way either
one leg is both the same
Oh my God I can’t stand it!
I won’t come in your mouth
no, no, me scared
Punch lines:
“I don’t care either so I’m taking this condom off !”
“You can’t do it on Tuesday because that’s YOUR day in the barrel ”
“Gimme a beer … AND A MOP !”
“…and then I threw up!”
“…because it was stapled to the chicken!”
Punchlines: “Fsh!”
“A Stick”
“She may be completely paralized, but she sure knows how to have a good time!”
Some guys at work always used to ask stupid questions so it became a game for a few of us others to copy them to see who could ask the dumbest things. “Are you having your lunch?” to a guy in mid-bite of a sandwich at lunch; “Are you digging a hole?” to a guy in a trench; “Are you reading the paper?” ….You get the drift. The trick was keeping a straight face when you did it. Heart-stoppingly funny at the time.
1) They Both Circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
2) The Captain’s Log.
3)They both have half a brain and Gore all over their wife.
Oooooh, I really want to give the prepunchlines.
My sadomasochist physical therapist did not give happy ending. I still love her long time.
It’s a mixed bag for the Redlegs. Jeff, can you get some shirts preprinted with slime, so we don’t have to work a new one in? Nurse Ratchet might approve.
Greg in Cincinnati
Paint his cock orange and he’ll only beat it once every nine years!!
(Just for you South Carolina fans!!)
Jeff I know you like your Imported beer, I just broke down & bought a 6 pack of Bud light lime Guess what? It’s imported from England! WTF!
I never heard of sneezing and coughing into your elbow, and I am old. That would be like a whoopee cushion, wouldn’t it? I guess the theory is you wouldn’t get all the snot and germs on your hands, but seriously, the visual of everyone sneezing and coughing into their collective elbows is cracking me up. Sorry, carry on with the punch lines.
Stupid question:
We get a lot of wrong number calls – apparently 3 people had this number before us. So, someone calls looking for one of those people. I say, “No, I’m sorry, this is the Evil Twin residence.” And then she asked, “Well, do you know _______ or where they moved?”
I literally laughed out loud. I said, “The phone company just assigned us this number, I have NO CLUE who _____ even is.”
This isn’t a stupid question, but ETW comment reminded me of it.
My parents own a distribution company in San Jose and I used to be the office manager. Their terriitory was the entire state of California and part of Nevada at the time. During the early 80s, when they were just getting started, they didn’t have an 800 number yet, so they would accept collect calls from customers. There was a customer in Tahoe that would dial us direct and then tell me “this is a collect call”. I had to explain to her that she would have to call the operator to make the call collect and just telling ME would do her no good. This happened two or three times, after which I just gave up. Every time she’d call and tell me it was a collect call, I’d just say “okay” and get on with taking her order. How do people like that go through life, let alone run a business? Sheesh.
….and she replied, “my first husband was a preacher, and all he want to do was talk about it, my second husband was a midget, and he couldn’t reach it, and my third husband was a Parts Man, and he couldn’t find it.”
Ha!
1) i’ll have two more like this one!
2) One of them shucks between fits.
3) One of them is a cunning array of stunts.
Patrick Swayze is dead…for real!
I am bummed. He lasted longer than I thought he would. Pancreatic cancer is pretty much a death sentence. I’ll miss him. I loved his movies. Even the bad ones. “Road House”, although not a comedy, makes me laugh every time. Remember “Next of Kin?” “Red Dawn?” The SNL Chippendale’s skit with Chris Farley? I still watch “Dirty Dancing” everytime it comes on. s**t.
fag (if you are a guy)
And the string said “No, I’m a frayed knot.”
Even though he wasn’t a fag, yeah, duh, if you are a guy.
Patrick Swayzee was quite the crush-worthy fantasy for a young girl. Fond memories.
No stupid questions come to mind that haven’t already been mentioned.
Beer: The first time I saw or heard of either one, they were side-by-side at the store. So I got a six of each, the better to make an informed decision. Conclusion: Anniversary is a righteous beer, but I think I prefer Torpedo. Torpedo has that resinous hoppy stickiness, and a bit of that floral aroma I’m such a sucker for. Anniversary is a little sweeter, kind of reminds me of Dogfish Head 60 Minute.
Punchlines:
“I was talking to the duck!”
“…the other is a bunch of cunning runts”
I’ll think of a couple more post-post.
Not technically a punchline, but I can’t resist: “Obviously, you’re not a golfer”
Punch line:
‘Yeh…he’s dead’.
another from the genius that is gilbert gottfried:
“I’m just fuckin with ya…she’s dead!”
Punchlines:
The Aristocrats!
What? They gave me a chihuahua?
No, he thinks he’s Jesus Christ.
For the third time, yes!
For lawyers we go by billing hours.
Now you’ll be too scared to cough.
Ultimate stupid question asked via telephone:
“Are you open?”
i have answered AND asked this question many times.
Can I have a few weeks to raise the money?
This isn’t gonna work, we gotta dig her back up!
The first 2 hours we stand around drinking coffee and scratching our nuts.
I clean clothes right away but no lickety-split!
Well this one time, I got lost……
Stupid questions from my weather job:
One night we had a lunar eclipse, and a guy called to ask what time the eclipse was going to be. I informed him the the eclipse had ended about a half hour ago. He then asked, “Well, what time is the eclipse going to be tomorrow night?”
Another time, a guy calls up to ask what the winds were. I told him, “The winds are calm.” His next question was, “What direction are they from?”
Best stupid question was when I went to a HOSPITAL to get some records from a surgery I had years ago. I asked the lady at the information desk where the records section was. She asked, “Medical records????” To which my smartass buddy who was with me replied, “No, K-Tel Chartbusters!”
Fave punchline from fave joke:
Moo!
Three punchlines:
“Okay… but chee-chee first!”
” Most of zee men just ride zee camel into town and go to zee whorehouse.”
“Well, I sure as hell wouldn’t spank him.”
The Qweezy Mark and Patrick Swayze are twin-like in their appearance.
Woo hoo…just found out the sierra nevada anniversary will be at my local store friday afternoon!
So, I liked Patrick Swayze and that makes me gay, just making sure I understood some of the earlier comments.
I’m terrible at remebering and retelling jokes.
and i’m terrible at spelling, jeeesh.
Punchline: Rat, with a dick about this long.
One of the first things we learned in basic training was to sneeze into our elbow. Of course that was after how to stfu. Some guys had problems with both of those…
Jeff already mentioned my favorite punchline.
Supplies!
And WB- Just because you liked P.S. does not mean you are gay…it just means that you make have been at one time
It’s amazing how many of the jokes I recognized by the punch lines.
My all time favorite:
Think it’ll rain?
then there’s:
Your eyesight is still 20-20.
A fish
Wanna ride bikes/play video games?
The 12 pack is for married guys…one for January One
for Febuary, One for March……
You didn’t say you had a prescription.
Little Boy’s Pants Half-Off.
All the DNA there is the same.
I must know 10,000 jokes although I have a theroy. There’s really only one joke, it’s just that every time one person tells it to another one or two things get changed, added od deleted so that by the time you hear it agian everything about it is different.
The original joke? A caveman slipped on a bananna peel. (ugh)
Dumb question:
Where are you? (at home, where you called me, on the home phone….)
Punchlines:
Dictator!
Punchline:
The third cowboy just sat quietly, stirring the coals with his dick.
Punchline:
“Two obese Patty’s, Santa Claus, British Priest picking bunions on a Sesame Street Bus”
Well, I guess he learned his lesson after that 8-ball incident.
A swallow
“Ever seen a bulldog chew mayonaise?”
“Get off me, dad, you’re smushing my smokes.”
Punchlines:
“It’s a nic nac, Patti Wak, give the frog a loan.”
“Because they don’t have balls to scratch.”
If you sneeze into your hand, then touch something or someone, you are leaving your disgusting germs for everyone else. (No thanks!) If you sneeze in your elbow, you prevent infectious sinus spray and can simply launder your shirt instead of spreading your nasty nasal goo to others. Best to have a disposable tissue handy. The elbow sneeze has been around in the schools here for years.
Sneezing, Death, Good Beer, and Punch Lines
Cue Karnak The Magnificent:
What are four things without which life would be impossible?
Crystal Lee Sutton, the woman who inspired the movie “Nomra Rae” dead at 68 after battling cancer and her insurance company for treatment.
http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/norma-rae-dead-68-after-two-year-stru
Damn you cursed fingers, that’s “Norma Rae”
This is a touch late but just got a joke via e-mail; punch line…Then you’re a queer
A stick
I’d buy that for a dollar!
John Kerry
Punch lines:
“Put that back . . it’s for after your funeral.”
“Sorry I can’t hear you . . I have a banana in my ear.”
“Yup and deep, too.”
“If it wasn’t for that log, I would have drowned.”
Rectum? Damn near killed ‘em!
I’m nothing if not chronically late to the party, so here’s a few of the classic punch lines that haven’t come up yet:
-”Pretty tight, huh?”
-”Fred’s out there picking watermelons!”
-”I’ll keep an eye out for you!”
-”Checking for squirrels.”
And for the kids:
-”The Czech’s in the male”
“KNOW IT, I WROTE IT!”
Thank you for bringing her home. Most guys just leave her hanging on the limb.
Would I, would I! Harelip, harelip!
“It’s okay, my son. I got him with the door.”
“Put velcro on the ceiling.”
“The bad news is that I was supposed to call you yesterday.”
“Now where’s that damn Eskimo woman you want killed?”