Screaming Kids, and So Much More
Screaming kids in public used to make me crazy, absolutely crazy, especially during the Atlanta years. It was before I had any screamers of my own, was working hard and playing hard, and had a very low threshold for nonsense.
I was constantly rolling my eyes, and whisper-hollering, “Heeeere we go…”
Then our first child came along, and I became a little more understanding. We never let our kids just scream and scream and scream in public, because, you know, we think of others. But they sometimes cry. It’s a fact of life, and there’s not much you can do to stop it.
So, when we’d be in a restaurant or whatever, and some kid started wailing and it seemed like the parents were making an attempt to deal with it, it didn’t bother me too much. ‘Cause I’d been there, and know how it is. I’d just give them a good-natured “what are you gonna do?” look of solidarity, and calmly go about my business.
I was growing as a person, maturing and calming down. Life experiences change a person, I knew, and I was becoming more worldly and sophisticated.
But now that our boys are a little older, and almost never cause public disturbances anymore, I’m right back to square one. Screaming kids make me crazy again, absolutely crazy. And I routinely whisper-holler, “Heeeere we go…” like it’s 1995.
Just thought you’d want to know. I guess I ain’t got no sophistication, after all?
I mentioned that Toney and I are re-watching The Sopranos, from the beginning. We just started Season 4, and haven’t seen most of the episodes since they originally aired on HBO.
The first three seasons are stellar, consistently hilarious and fantastic. But by the fourth season, things are starting to get a little wobbly. Mixed-in amongst the moments of genius, are a few clunker episodes — for the first time.
A few nights ago we watched what must be the worst of them all: when Silvio gets all worked-up about Columbus Day. Remember that? Wow! What a turd of an episode. The characters don’t even seem like themselves; they’re all pontificating, and giving wooden speeches about Italian pride and whatnot.
It’s jaw-droppingly bad, especially considering everything that came before.
What do you think are the worst episodes of an otherwise great TV series? Can you think of any? If so, use the comments link to tell us about it.
School started again yesterday, so I’m home alone during the day. Well, me and Black Lips Houlihan… And when I got out of the shower this morning, there was a carpenter’s level in front of the bathroom door. TS? It looked like it had been placed there, on its side and perfectly lined-up.
My heart started pounding, because it was kinda freaky, and I yelled, “Hello?? Is anybody here? What in the candy-striped hell??”
Then I walked around the house making sure the doors were locked, and that some weirdo “visitor” hadn’t arrived while I was soaping-up my mannery glands.
I found nothing unusual, and don’t have any idea how that level got there. It’s usually kept on a shelf above the washer and dryer. So, what the heck? I have no explanation, literally. Will somebody please get George Noory on the phone?
I want to go to New York City. It’s the weather, I think. Fall makes me want to walk around Manhattan all day, eat a wide swath through the city, and drink a few $9 beers after dinner. For some reason this never occurs to me during the summer months. Weird, huh?
There’s a commuter bus that runs between Scranton and NYC several times per day, and I might be aboard one of them soon. Things are getting a little rut-like around here… Funk it.
Are you happy with your name? I guess mine’s OK, although it’s not very imaginative. Jeff, I believe, was one of the most popular boy names of the early ’60s, so my folks didn’t exactly go out on a limb with it.
And if I’d been a girl, they were going to name me Lisa — one of the most popular female names of the era. No Eninen stupidity for my Mom and Dad….
Here’s what “Lisa Kay” would probably look like today, by the way.
I got called Jeff Gay a lot in grade school, by comedy geniuses, and people always say, “What did you say your name was, JFK?” But other than that… it’s not so bad. I would’ve preferred two syllables up-front, though. A pair of one-syllable names is a little choppy, don’t you think?
What about your name? Are you cool with it? Have you ever considered changing it, or do you go by a nickname to hide your real name, or anything like that? Give us a quickie review, if you’re so inclined.
And I think I’m going to call it a day now.
Have a great weekend, my friends.
Filed under: Daily
1st Ha!
Really?
WTF?
http://twitpic.com/h80l8
Top 10 2 days in a row – wow – color me amazed!
No complaints about my name. It was overall unique out there and until a couple years ago I heard very few kids with the name (I work around schools, the name of the year usually makes itself apparent).
I think my *real* name (Jeremiah White-Shoes Roosavelt Jackson) is a little cumbersome.
I am going to call my mother and complain.
YOU LIE!!!!
There are times when changing my name might not be a bad idea but I’m stuck with it so I guess I’ll deal with it the best I can. Right now, it’s mud.
Top Ten!!
Not crazy about my real name. Always wanted something more feminine. Wotta ya gonna do though, ya know. Nicknaming yourself is a little weird.
We always had a game growing up of what your “stripper name” would be by combining the name of your first pet with the name of the first street you lived on. So my real name is Betsy Wabash. Pretty good, huh? Definately a pole-slider…hehe
Ivan Horfendorfer
My real first name (it’s not actually Swami, truth be told) is one that has developed some negative connotations over the past 40 years (negative in some circles, anyway), and people sometimes ask me why I don’t go by my middle name, which is much more run-of-the-mill bland. And I guess my first name has never really bothered me, because it’s what I’ve been known by since I was an itty-bitty-baby and for the past 48 years, so it just seems natural to me. So if ya don’t like it, that ain’t my problem, it’s yours.
I like Jason okay. I used to get called “Jason Jason Masturbation” at school. Jason is my middle name, my first name shall never be spoken by the lips of man in connection with me. It’s my secret.
We just recently watched the Sopranos from start to finish via Netflix. We finished up about 2 months ago. I remember being put off by the episodes in which Tony would dream half the time and you wouldn’t know it until later. They got outta hand with that shit.
My stripper name, by the way, is Ti-Ti Conestoga.
(That last name is not actually the first road I ever lived on, but is the first one I can remember living on. The names of the roads I lived on between the ages of zero and three, I have no idea. One of these days I’ll have to ask my parents what my REAL stripper name is.)
I’ve never really liked my name, but I’m stuck with it, so wotta ya gonna do?
Biker Chick – my stripper name would be Colonel College. Not very sultry, huh?
As for screaming kids – if I never saw anyone under the age of 25 again, I wouldn’t be upset.
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
No real grief with my name. I considered changing my last name to my mother’s maiden name. It’s a long story but the Cole’s Notes version is: Father not in picture so no loyalty to his name, maternal grandfather had no sons and always lamented the fact his surname would “die with him”. In the end I opted to not make the change because of the monumental bureaucratic cluster-fuck that goes hand in and with a name change.
I firmly believe that crying kids should be made to STFU. If the parents are making an effort I’ve got no gripe but those frootloop “just them and let them cry” types need to stay home or invest in a size small ball gag.
I love my name for the most part. I guess you could say I changed it in a way because I only use my first initial rather than my first name, but “Tennessee Farty McAppleass” doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue.
I’m so glad we’re done with the good deeds nonsense. I’d rather listen to Porky Pig sing “Hey Jude” than listen to another human kindness story. Shit on or be shat upon, that’s the golden rule.
One of my good friends once told me, “crazy is my middle name.” and I said, “Crazy? What the fuck were your parents thinking?”
I always thought your name was a pseudonym. How is it possible that Eninen haven’t googled your name and recognized some of the episodes from their lives?
Any episode of Lost featuring heavy doses of Claire pretty well sucks.
People in my family and people who know me through my family call me by my full first name.
People at work and, while in school, teachers and peers called me by my shortened first name.
Close friends have always just called me by my last name.
my name is a family name and I’m fine with it.
But were I ever to change it I would go with Alejandro Zebulon Lipschutz III
Yeah, my name is rather run of the mill, I mean I graduated with 3 guys that were my friends named Dave. My middle name however, is a doozie. Like everybody else I am stuck with it. I knew guy once who was adopted by his stepdad when he was like 8. His stepdad told him since we’re changing your last name we can change your first name too, if you like. His stepdad’s last name was Slack, so he decided he wanted his name to rhyme so he picked Mac for a first name. I always told him that when I write my memoirs the only name I’m not changing was his, because nobody would beleive it anyyway, Mack Slack. Sounds like the main character in one of those old private eye stories.
bikerchick,
We called them Porn Star names. Mine’s Kit-Kit Talbot.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…….
I’m with JK, no tolerance at all for screaming, misbehaving brats. The shrill sounds are like ice picks inserted into my ears. In my place of employment we have a waiting room *ahem* Customer Lounge and about once a month we’ll get some baby momma with 5 or 6 kids, all below the age of 8 clamoring and crying. My blood pressure just rockets up and it takes every ounce of self control for me not to go out there and tell them all, for the love of Christ, Shut the Fuck UP!
I’m getting tense just thinking about it and typing this.
Moving along, my names ok I suppose. I’m a “third” and there was no way I was going to make one of my progeny a “fourth”. Talk about pretentious. Unless I was a blue blood and loaded with old money, then maybe I’d do it.
And, since I’m a guy, I wouldn’t have a stripper name. We always called it your porn star name. In that case, I’d be Rufus East.
Well Surf Reporters, 4 hours before Steeler kick off and the beginning of my 3 day golf weekend. See yinz guys on Monday.
I’ve got an odd (old school odd, not Moonbeam hippie new age odd) first name and a last name that causes the average American to come to a screeching halt and scowl for a second before trying to parse it out. Waddaya gonna do, indeed.
I used to help people through the proper pronunciation, now I just let ‘em do as they will; I probably don’t want to be talking to them anyway.
I actually don’t like my name. It’s great growing up when your name rhymes with “retching”, let me tell ya. I’ve considered changing it, but I’d have to wait until my folks kicked off.
So I have a theory that nobody else likes my name either. I’ve done a little experiment where I comment on blogs with my real name and also under a fake name. Comments under my real name get often get trashed while comments under the pseudonym usually get supported. This despite the thoughts being from the same person. WTH?
Stripper name = Barney Knox. Sounds more like a character from a fifties television show.
“Stripper name” is Fritz Holly Vista.
Also, I had a look at IMDB and saw that Michael Imperioli wrote the Columbus Day episode and a few others. I checked the synopses of those and I think I’ve found the problem: Michael Imperioli. He wrote some stinkers.
The Sopranos took a turn for the worse around season 4. Ladies complained about all tthe violence and the writers bent over and grab their ankles for em. It was never the sam after that. A few episodes were ok but not great. You may want to quit while your ahead. My porn name would be Stinkey Wilson…
My porn name: Tally Wacker
You people have got it all wrong:
Your stripper/pornstar would be your favorite childhood pet’s name followed by your mother’s maiden name.
Your soap opera name is your middle name followed by the name of the street you grew up on
My pornstar/stripper name = Moonshine Lasorzik
My soap opera name = Arthur Oakdale
If I ever decide to change my name; it will be changed to Abdullah Houlihan, and I will become a drunken Arab prizefighter. One of these days…..
I’ve always liked my first name but was always kind of sad that my middle name was just something my parents like the sound of while my other siblings got middle names from long gone ancestors. Especially considering that I’m the only history buff of the family. My “Porn Star” name would be Max Saratoga, I like it.
Screaming children: I feel sorry for the guy who got busted at Walmart for slapping that kid, but for the grace of God go I.
Never made it through Season 1, don’t know why.
My guess is someone left the level leaning against the molding and it fell when you closed the door to the bafroom, prolly one of the Secrets trying to beat the other with it and someone hid in the bathroom till other got bored. Just my guess as a middle brother, someone was constantly dodging someone else.
New York City. Not on a bet. Actually I wish I would have gone last year when the Reds had a 3 game series at old Yankee Stadium, some folks from town went and had a good time.
My Dad wanted to name me after his father “Aloysius” which would have been pretty damned cool, try making fun of that in grade school, Aloysuis delicious, yeah I can hear the girls now. But Mom shit canned the deal.
Stripper name: Sandy Madison. That doesn’t sound too bad, actually. Never really liked Greg, but I’m stuck with it. Like Tyrosine, I don’t want to go through all the legal crap involved with a name change.
Guess where I just caught my little fuzzy haired one year old daughter, Madelyn?
http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/2356/maddietoilet.jpg
Based on Lee Harvey’s definition, my stripper name would be Sandy Beach. No shit.
Jason you better get her out of there before mom gets home!
Mom took the picture, I’m free and clear.
Jason, is she standing in blue water? That’s hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
Stripper Name: Tootsie Fairbanks
I very much like my real name now, but wasn’t too fond of it when I was a kid. My family shortened my first name but in college, I started using my full first name because by then I had decided that the shortened version sounded like a bubble-headed, blond cheerleader, and I was way too dark and cynical for that. Nowadays, half the people I meet refuse to pronounce my name the way I say it. I use the standard Midwest pronunciation and put extra nasal into the vowel hoping people catch on. But some still change the vowel sound, making me sound like either a stuck-up, hoity-toity bitch or a sista from da ‘hood. Hey, if you tell me your name is Mark, I’m not going to call you Mork instead. Listen carefully.
Middle name is that of a dumpy, middle-aged character on TV so I hated it. In college, I had a hot roommate with the same name and changed my mind.
My last name, if said quickly, sounds like a four-letter word for a part of the female anatomy. I sometimes like to screw with people and the results are priceless. They get a blank stare and ask me to spell it. Then comes the relief that they didn’t hear what they thought they heard.
I had a student in Germany whose last name was literally the f-word in the German language. I was a little apprehensive about calling out her name the first day, but I thought, what the hell, she owns it. There were whispers and giggles, but I will never forget Brigitte Fick.
Greg,
I think that’s her jeans because the water is always clear. Except for St. Patricks day, we go green toilet water on that day. And green eggs and beer.
My stripper name is Frisky Brendlinger. My real first name is Lisa, and indeed it was one of the most popular names of the era.There were three of us back in my 6th grade class, so the teacher had to add the intitials of our last names when calling on us. Now, I work with a Lisa, and am friends with yet another one. It’s weird, though — except for Lisa Simpson, the name seems to have died out in recent years.
I always get a hankering to go to New York in the fall, too. We try to go for a few days every November, but I’d like really like to get up there sooner than that. We usually take the Megabus out of Philly. Tickets can be had for under $5 a person if you book in advance.
Jason – Yea, I make my own green toilet water on St. Patrick’s Day too, one mug at a time!
I’m not a big fan of my first name, my parent s were going to name me Ryan but my older brother Brian through a fit.
I think he was right too.
I used to hate my first name and only went by Trish, and no, there is no Pa in the front. As I got older I tried to get people to put the a on the end, so as Brynhilder said, not to sound like a bubble-gum teeny bopper. 5 years later it has yet to catch on except with a few of my girl friends.
My maiden name is Schmersahl. It was aerosol when I was younger (only I was aerosol junior). Then after everyone discovered booze it was Smironoff. I’ll take it!
Mt stripper name: Dumpling Nottingham!
my stripper name: Lady Sandringham
Where I grew up they named you one thing but called you something else… aka a cute nickname. So my real name is OK. Cute nickname sux. When I left home I just shortened my rather long real name to create a nick name I could be cool with.
Trouble is – extended family still use the sucky name.
Stripper name = Midget East 14th Ave. LOL!
Dumpling Nottingham and Lady Sandringham, SEXY!
porn name mister jones soap name edward arlington now its caveman wtf
I like my name fine, I’ve had a couple friends and classmates named Kevin over the years but it’s never been super popular in my neck of the woods. My middle name is my Dad’s first name so that works for me too. My last name…well I have had quite a few nicknames to go with it but they never really bothered me, even in public school. When name teasing doesn’t actually bother you, it dies down pretty quick.
My 1st street porn name would be Casey Glamorgan (which I thought was boring because I was pronouncing it the “right” way but I just realized if you change the syllables to Glam-Organ it’s actually pretty cool.)
My 2nd street porn name would be Casey Cockburn
Screaming kids can be annoying but like most, as long as I see some parental effort at noise reduction it doesn’t bother me much.
Jason, that pic was great! Save a copy for her wedding…
Debra – your stripper name is far too classy. It’s more of a courtesan name.
My parents were pretty intent on naming a son Oliver, and it is perhaps a good thing that they had three daughters before finally having a change of heart. They were trying to give us names that were acceptable in 2 languages. Unfortunately, my sister didn’t think about it when she named her oldest son. My grandmother’s reaction to the boy’s name: “Oh, like ‘good morning’ in Bavarian. That’s…uh…interesting.” Oops.
My name is the same as a famous comedian(sp) but what you gonna do?
Stripper name: Charlie Main (vein)?? not sultry but, I am a guy.
My first name is long, unusual and a combination of two names – and I don’t have a middle name because my maiden name was long too and my parents felt like just my first and last were enough for one kid. My married name is long and has three consonants in a row. I’m forever spelling both names and making sure that people don’t separate my first name (e.g. If my name was Annmarie, people want to write Ann Marie), so I spell it and say, “it’s all one word”. It gets butchered anyway.
I’m wondering about this.
With us I have absolute power in the naming of the kids. My wife made some suggestions, but it’s up to me in the end. Seems sort of one sided, I’m sure. But it works for us. We’re sort of a 50′s family for all intents and purposes.
What about you guys? The names she had picked out for our two daughters were very different that what they ended up with. My first one, Marion, is named after my Grandfather AND Grandmother. It goes back to some guy in the Civil War. Madelyn is sort of her Grandmother’s name. We’re having another kid in Feb and if it’s a girl she’ll also get an “M” name because it doesn’t seem right otherwise. My wife’s name is Melanie. So I can’t say, “Melanie, Marion, Madelyn and Jazebell, come here!” Seems cruel.
On the other hand, if it’s a boy he must have a “J” name. Most of the good ones are taken in my family. We have Jason (me), Jacob, Jackson, Jerod, Julian, Jeff, Justin, and Joey. So what’s that leave? Jesus? Help me!
@Jason What about Jarrett?
You think Jarrett sounds too much like Jerod? I don’t know. Jerod is my brother. But Jarrett, I like it. Thank you. I also thought about Jack. Simple little Jack. But it sounds a lot like Jackson. (sigh). We’re white so if I name him Jesus we can’t pronounce in “hay-suess”. So maybe Jesus is a bit over the top. Fuckers left me with few options, I’ll tell you that.
I can always go the easy way out and name him after me. Jason.
The whole “J” names for boys is an unspoken rule. Everyone has observed it. I waited to have kids. So now I’m one of the last ones.
Stripper name:
Speedy Hinkle…LOL
James is the most common. Is that too boring?
Jason – cop a few idears from the Duggar family. They have plenty of examples.
Jordan, Josiah, Jeremiah was a Bullfrog, Jeremy, Jujube, Jules, John, Jaba the Hutt, Jace, Jools, Beware the Jabberwock, James, Jude, Jacob, Jasper, Jiminy Cricket
OK – the combination of my first and middle names is utterly androgynous, and thus I receive a fair portion of mail to a “Mr” me. I am not, nor shall I ever be, a boy, in case you’re interested.
My stripper name sucks – Scooter Terrace.
Dammit tiff — I was going to suggest consulting the Duggar family as well.
Jethro, Jedediah, Jehosphat, Madonna, Mabel, Miata, Melvina, Mavis, Maude, Medusa. If the baby is blond, Juan or Mahogany might really spice things up.
Seriously, though. It’s tough to name a child even without a letter restriction. Here are a few I could think of:
Jonah, Jamison, Jeremy, Jesse, Joel, Josiah, Jordan, Jasper
Mallory, Mia, Marissa, Maia, Maisie, Marlee, Marielle
Good luck!
I hated “Lauren” as a child and adolescent. I graduated from a school with over 1,600 kids and not one of them was also named Lauren. I felt out of place and asked my parents to legally change it to Jennifer or Amy. Little did I know that the name would explode just a few years later. There are Laurens is all over the place and I’m glad my parents ignored my nonsense because I like it quite a bit now.
When I got married I changed my middle name to my maiden name. My middle name at birth is just atrocious and very few people know what it is/was. Both my maiden name and married name are fine. I don’t have a problem with either one.
Stripper name = Mollie Berkshire
Jason- Jarrett is Wally’s middle name. He is a good dude (obviously since I married him), but I like that it is not overly common, ya know?
my stripper name—inky mahanoy!! neat huh?
funny you should ask about names. i recently told my husband that if i changed my name, it would be to one of my two favorite npr newscasters: either dina tempelrasten or amanda rabinowitz.
i absolutely loathe my real name; it’s too close to dorothy lamour, and dates me something awful. by the way, i was named after my dad’s secretary——-no no no! she was ancient and as ugly as sin. really!
Porn star name: Duchess Longhill (for a guy? won’t work)
I have the same first and last name as a rather famous person, now deceased.
So, professionally I use my two middle initials (British disease to give multiple middle names) to distinguish me from him.
I have to say my full four entry name, spoken aloud, has a nice ring to it and I have always been pretty happy with it. And dealing with a famous guy and jokes about him was really okay.
BTW, the famous guy and I are both named for the same King of Scotland, Malcolm III, who was crowned at the end of Shakespeare’s Macbeth if you are into that whole literature thing.
And, I continued the multiple names thing with both of my youngest boys. They like their names (I think).
Darn, I was almost liking that name. I’m telling you, these names do not work for me. I hear one chuckle, I will hunt you down. I will pimp slap you.
My pornstar/stripper name = Lassie Leach
My soap opera name = Rodney Pearl-Irvington
I think I’ll go with your names, with a J. So we have:
Jiff
Jretchen
Jrisha
Jrynhildr
(sigh). Okay then. I’m so fucked. We’ll hope for another split-tail. My wife likes to watch two things, the Duggers and those midgets. I’m not naming my boy “Johosophat” or “Jaws” or whatever. Making them is so much easier than naming them.
Thanks for your help though, angels! We’re finding out on the 15th of this month if it’s a boy or a girl. If it’s a boy I’ll be back for help, no kidding. The winner gets a chili dog or whatever they want (within reason).
Peace, taco grease, and so forth.
Porn Star Name – Rusty Waple
Soap Opera Name – Charles Oakley (wasn’t that a basketball player?)
Was supposed to be a George like my father and his father. My mother told her father-in-law that there was no way in hell her son would be a George. She compromised by given me his middle name of Charles.
I distinctly recall (around the age of 9) wishing my name was Jackie. It was my dream name.
My name is Barbra. Not Barbara, but Barbra like Streisand.
I am my mother’s only daughter and my first and middle come from my grandmother’s names .. that they WENT BY.
Had my mother decided to use their birth names
I could have been named:
Bertha Maude
Bertha answered to Barbara
Maude answered to Ruth.
Barbra Ruth reminds me of Babe Ruth
sorta.
Cool as I am, I never could have played off Bertha Maude in HS and got away with it.
Jedediah.
Jeremy,
Joseph.
James,
Jonah.
Or D’Argo.
Pick one.
Kids…I could takem or leavem. Well not so much takem as leavem. Mostly because I see what screaming, blithering, hellions my friends have and I thank god every time I walk out of their house.
Desperate Housewives started out awesome then went into the shitter around season 2. I think it was about the same time that retarded guy showed up in the basement.
My real name is Kim. Nap inducing boring! Well actually my real real name is Kimberly which I’ve grown to like a little more over the years. I hated the name growing up. Then a certain boyfriend called me Kimberly which gave it a whole new ring.
Gretchen – I like your name. I went to grade school with a Gretchen. She was always super nice to everyone and she had gorgeous hair.
My stripper name – Pumpkin Cloverleaf (for real!)
I have a sudden urge to go to facebook and see if I can figure out who each of you are based on the clues in your posts.
By bikerchick’s definition, my stripper name is Natasha Regent. That would be quite classy if I were a girl.
Lee Harvey’s definition makes me Isis Krohne, which works a little less well IMHO. I don’t have a soap opera name, because I don’t have a “street you grew up on”. Between my birth and my high school graduation, we lived on seven different streets. Which one should I pick?
And I’m OK with my name. Didn’t like it much as a kid, but it’s grown on me. And it seems for some reason that going by one’s middle name is easier in Virginia than it was in New York.
I have always disliked my name.
I felt like it sounded like a cheerleader or something. I always wanted a cool family name, like Agneta or Dagmar.
It’s pretty hard to make fun of the name Tammie but somehow the boys in my 7th grade class managed to come up with something….they called me Whammy Titmore.
My stripper name would be Honey Station…imagine that?
Tammie I am LOVING your blog!
@RNK
” I have a sudden urge to go to facebook and see if I can figure out who each of you are based on the clues in your posts.”
Let’s not make this more difficult than it really is.
http://facebook.com/citizenx
CitizenX (er Barbra) that link takes me to my own homepage. Odd.
Am I the only one who is shocked that JK even owns a carpenter’s level? Did it come with the house or something?
As for names my mom told me she considered naming me Adrian. Fuck. I’d have been forced to kick my own ass on general principle.
When my kids were of sceaming age, I simply removed them from the venue, stores, restaurants, church, or wherever. I just took them outside. It worked out for me because I got to smoke a cigarette while I listened to them cry. Of course, that doesn’t work while confined to an airplane, train or bus. So you try the best you can to shut them up, and feel really bad for the other people who have to listen. But seriously, what the fuck else can a parent do? Have a little sympathy and buy some ear plugs. Little kids cry. It’s a fact of life. My porn name is Inky Sunset. I’m fine with my given name, Kay, which is actually a nickname for Kathryn. I named my sons Christopher Scott, Timothy Jason, and Brad Mitchell. Nice strong American names that sounded good on the baseball and football fields.
Pron star name..Blackie Ekerd
>>> mannery glands
No, Toney has “mammaries”; you have “daddaries”…
heh
Holy Shit!! When did this update get here? By the time I left work yesterday, I had checked about 30 times to see if it was here yet.
My fake Dad wanted to name me after his grandfather, whose first and middle names were Alpheus Mactiere. I may have Jeremy’d myself in front of the classroom with that one. Mom put her foot down, for once, thank God.
What was a funny show once was extremely painful to watch in it’s last dying season, and that was the Drew Carey show.
That GW Bush show was also pretty painful to watch in its last years too. I’m still having bad dreams about those episodes.
Did you know- I lost another two pounds, even though I freaked out and ate a whole pizza at lunch the other day? Lots of B-Ball with the brothers in Newtown. Those silly white guys at the YMCA can’t even make me break a sweat.
On IPOD right now- “Quicksand Jesus”- Skid Row
@Gretchen…Enchanting name; don’t you ever change; keep that breathless charm.
Made it 50+ years with John, Johnny, JT. Like most names, it’s gone from common to rare. The name is as flawed as I am, so it works fine.
Stripper name (and I’m thinking of changing careers, so this info could help me): SNOOPY STEVENS.
It sounds a little more like a private eye than a stripper, but if I switch to writing fiction it could be a shamus who dances evenings for dollars and clues.
Wow another Snoopy!
Snoopy Brockley is my stripper name. So not hot unless you are into dogs and vegetables. Yuck.
My name is normal but spelled weird. HIghly annoying that people think I am ‘Kareeeeeeeen’ or ‘Corrine’ because of the spelling. But whatever.
Stripper name- Clarence Seventeenth?
I have learned to shut out the screaming kids noises in restaurants or anywhere else. The noise just doesn’t bother me anymore.
Noise that bothers me- styrofoam. I can hear the slightest touch of a piece of it from across the house and it makes me want to put my fist through something. I don’t know when I developed that.
On IPOD right now- “Proud Mary”- Ike and Tina Turner Revue
AngryWhiteGuy – I’ll be gald to show you a few of my SEAL routines. I have plenty of logs and plenty of beaches.
For the sake of those who don’t Twitter:
shitmydadsays – “I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it…No, I’m not gonna stop, I’m just saying yes, I get that concept.”
Oh, and I don;t mind kids too much, but what really irritates me is stupididty.
The main plank in platfrom in my campaign for Emperor is the summary execution of the stupid.
Who wants to vote for me?
I am fine with my name, even though my married last name is a little odd. My husband’s initials are WTF, making it much easier to yell at him when I am really pissed. My stripper name would be Fritzie Crescent, oddly disgusting.
Jeezus Christ, Shiny Rod. I don’t have ONE goddamn idea of what you said or was talking about there. I started thinking about Heidi Klum. You are an enigma my friend. Please enlighten me.
On IPOD right now- “Funeral for a Friend”- Elton John
Jorge, Binkley absolutely rocks. The fact that he is your icon for your blog is awesome. My favorite Bloom County character, next to Bill The Cat, ever.
Does anyone care if I post an update that about ten of you will read today? It involves gifted children, death and playing basketball with black guys, Voting stops at three PM.
On IPOD right now- “Gimme Shelter”- Stones
Send it along AWG, gotta have something to kill the week! PS I always read your stuff, just don’t always comment on it.
AngryWhiteGuy – Exercise routines man, yeah people say that about me. Did you miss the SEAL training shows they did on the military channel?
AWG, you KNOW I’d read it. I’m your number one gropey…whoops…I mean groupy. LOL!
Go ahead AWG, entertain me please.
Thanks, I’ll send it along in a few.
Shiny, I think I get enough exercise against the brothers in pick-up basketball, but anything else is good. Now I get what you mean.
On IPOD right now- “So Cold”- Breaking Benjamin
I’ll try to break it down into two parts. It didn’t seem to accept it all at once:
September 11, 2009
Weight Loss
268 pounds…. Cannot remember the last time I went below 270. Salads, vegetable and beans. And one entire pizza on a moment of weakness that I ate for lunch this week. And a lot of fish oil capsules. These are all good, but the basketball I have been playing is intense and difficult and has contributed to a lot of the loss. I tried to play at the YMCA. Mostly young punks and a few guys my age, and blatantly, they all suck. And they were white. I’m just sticking my goddamn arm up there and smacking away their poorly selected shots, with no effort. I’m not even jumping. Therefore, I have been going to the darker section of the city, called Newtown, and meeting up with guys I used to play ball with for money years ago. The same guys are there. No one gets out of Newtown once they live there. However, these guys are talented and keep me gasping for air for hours at a time. I am the only white guy, but they always pick me up first when choosing sides. I AM the White Shadow.
Anyways, one guy, whose name is Isley, but we all call him Booker(?) and I have known each other for years. We are physically about the same size and intensely angry when we play. Both of us were shoving each other around the other night and he ended up tackling me and scraping my face on the pavement. I ended up punching him in the ribs. He ended up at the walk-in clinic across the street for the less fortunate and it turned out the ribs were broken (three of them). I started feeling guilty after a brother named “Smack” came back and told the rest of us the news, but fifteen minutes after that, Booker came back, screamed at me “I’ll put a fucking bullet in you, mother fucker!” and then began to laugh, I knew it was all good, after nearly shitting my pants from the verbal beatdown. Good people, good friends. If I ever win the Lotto, I will help to pull them all out of Newtown, should they wish to do so.
Anybody have any stories about a physical fight with a friend? How did it end up? Still friends or sworn enemies?
Death
Today, at lunch, my wife (the child bride) spoke to me and told me her father has less than a year to live. The doctors treated his prostate cancer a couple of years ago, and gave him a clean bill of health, cancer free, mind you, and everything was going to be fine. My wife was ecstatic about this news. Now, today, it turns out that he is in the one percent of people that their bones get attacked by that particular cancer and he will die soon. FUCKING DEATH!!! I don’t know how to quite handle this. True, I have had death in my family in the past, and have dealt with it, but this guy is basically my best friend. I really don’t have a best friend here, in America’s Wang, and since he is close to my age, I have always considered him as such. I also owe him $2000 that helped us get out of a jam when I was unemployed. Do I pay him back now? Or is it a worthless gesture? He is no longer married to my wife’s mother, but is to a step-in that he married a few years ago. I cannot find the words to say how I feel about this guy, as he is the best fucking guy in the world that I have ever met.
Has anyone ever died that you owed a large amount of money to? How did you feel?
Bad Bosses
I can’t complain about the boss I have right now. The money sucks, but it is way beyond his control, since the State pays me and they are budgeted to pay me 1986 wages. I remembered a BAD Boss that I had and two years ago, to this day, although I was making a shitload of money, I posted this to the comments section at the WVSR. Now, I ask you, would you rather have a job you like and get paid shit. Or would you rather make fantastic money, and be treated like a child? Please read:
New boss is pissing me off. Here’s some examples of why he should slide under a gas truck and taste his own blood.
Example 1. Him: Find me the Order that Judge Bennett signed at the hearing I attended last Monday.
I search for ten minutes.
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Looking for the Order Judge Bennett signed last Monday.
Him: There is no Order signed by Judge Bennett. I asked you for a copy of the fax I send to Bill Tagland last Monday.
Me: I never sent him a fax.
Him: I KNOW YOU DID!!! I HANDED THE FUCKING THING TO YOU TO FAX. (Turns out someone else sent it)
I look for ten minutes.
Him: What are you looking for.
Me: The fax you said I sent.
Him: It’s on my desk. It’s been there all along. Stop wasting time.
Example 2. Me: Rich Heinan called, he said he sent you his file a year ago and asked what’s going on with his case.
Him: I never got anything from him. Write him a letter and tell him I can’t represent him and send him back everything.
Me: I thought he didn’t send you anything.
Him: He didn’t.
Me: You want me to send him an empty envelope?
Him: Just send him his fucking file, okay?
Me: You said there is nothing in his file.
Him: Exactly, what part do you not understand?
Example 3- Me: (first thing in the morning) Here’s a couple of documents that came in yesterday while you were in Gainesville.
Him: Why haven’t I seen these?
Me: Because you were in Gainesville.
Him: I need to see things like this right away as soon as they come in.
Me: That’s why I’m showing you now.
Him: When did they come in?
Me: Yesterday afternoon.
Him: Why haven’t I seen them?
Me: Because you were in Gainesville.
Him: I should have seen these right away. Don’t ask me for a raise any time soon.
Example 4- I began to carry a small recorder to tape things he says so I can play them back to make sure I got the directions right.
Him: What are you working on?
Me: The settlement agreement in Daniels.
Him: Why?
Me: Because you told me to.
Him: The fuck I did. I never told you that.
Me: I have it on tape. I played it back to make sure.
Him: Let me hear the tape.
I play the tape. It correctly states the project I am working on with his voice.
Him: That’s not me. I never said that.
One more for the road Example 5
Him: Use my email to find a probate attorney in Honolulu.
I find 6 and email them all. Three emails come back as non-deliverable. 20 minutes later, he checks his email.
Him: Who the fuck is using my email?
Me: I did, to email the Honolulu attorneys for you.
Him: Why are they undeliverable.
Me: I guess they have changed email addresses and didn’t let the bar association know.
Him: Send them an email and ask for their new email address.
So a typical day at work consists of that shit, plus him shitting in my Cheerios, kicking my dog and raping me with the fire extinguisher. I can only wish a sudden death upon this asshole. The voodoo doll isn’t working.
He’s still alive. My prayers have not been answered.
Kindergarten Stress
My five year old blonde goddess of a daughter just started kindergarten. They gave her a workbook for the year that has writing and math exercises. Each day, they are assigned a page to do at home. The book has nearly 100 pages. Monday night, she was in her room for a particularly long time. I asked about it. She said she was doing her homework. I asked if she needed help. She said no. The next day, I get a letter from her teacher. It read, “Jayne needs to follow my directions a little better. The workbook I sent home with her was only a one exercise per day assignment page. She has completed the entire book, with no instruction from me. I am sending the book home, along with another book for her to do the daily exercise. Please keep the completed workbook to check her work. By the way, she got every answer correct.”
So is she being punished by having to do the pages all over again…one day at a time? If she got them all correct (100 pages), should she be doing harder work? This child’s “through the roof” intelligence baffles me. It’s either going to take her far, or be a curse, due to her stubborn independence. Anybody else have gifted kids? My son (7th grade) is doing 12th grade work at his “school for the gifted” (he hates that term).
Did you know-Most gifted children know that they are different by the time they are five?
On IPOD right now- “My Life with the Thrill Kill Cult”- Thrill Kill Cult
I have been monitoring Fark for the report of a man caught with no pants on in a yurt whipping his hand through his hair a high rate of speed while ranting about how could he possibly be out of Little Debbie cookies already. No sign yet.
AWG – so is your boss the reason you chose the name Angry White Guy? I would cry everyday if I had to work for someone like that. Well maybe not cry, that could be the hormones and stress talking, homicidal might be more accurate. Why is it the incompetent scatterbrains always get the positions of authority? What a fuckin’ asshole!
Congrats on the little brainiacs! You might have to take it upon yourself to challenge your little girl since it doesn’t sound like the teacher is willing to…unless of course the goal of the assignment was to teach 5-year-olds to follow directions. Go to Barnes & Noble (or some such) and have her pick out workbooks she would like to try. Go a little above her level just to see for yourself what she can do. Since she is obviously going to breeze through the rest of her teacher assigned homework she will just think the daddy assigned homework is fun. Little kids are gullible like that.
On your dying father-in-law…does he have your sense of humor? If you like him so much I’m guessing he does. If that is the case, I would start paying him $38.46 every week, and explain to him you just couldn’t let him go to the great beyond without settling the debt.
Today’s observation: It being September 11th, the History Channel is re-running all the WTC shows. I’ve noticed that they are using computer animation to show the planes actually crashing into the buildings while the rest of the footage is real. It’s not for enhancement or anything, they just cut out the real footage of the planes and replaced them with animation. Is this somehow supposed to lessen the devastation and heartbreak that was felt at the moment of impact? I’ll have to keep watching to see if it’s all the shows or just the two I’ve watched. What’s their point?
My name sucks!
RNK- I was the AWG long before that asshole. I have had a lot of bad bosses in the past, but that one was the absolute worse. My sister-in-law saw his car downtown on Friday night and scratched “bi-polar asshole” on the side. The whold fambly know what a toll it took on my sense of mental health, and they have done everything they can to make sure he gets no glowing recommendations.
Every time I have triied to pay back my FIL, he says “Wait until you are on your feet again, knowing that I am working around the clock to catch up on medical bills and bouts of recession based unemployment. I just will feel bad about it later.
On IPOD right now- “Frank’s Wild Years”- Tom Waits
Not to get all philosophical AWG, but money is a worry of the living not the dying. Yes, the docs gave him a year but they don’t know for sure. It could turn into 2 years or 6 months. Put yourself in his shoes. When it’s your time, what will you be worrying about? Making sure your family is going to be ok without you? Or all the people who owe you? Unless he is really hurting for the money then he will probably refuse to take it from you anyway. Try to pay him back if it will make you feel better but just know that this is your worry and probably not his. You could also pay him back in another way. Is there somewhere he’s always wanted to go? The Grand Canyon? Yellowstone? A cruise? That would probably be very meaningful to him and you as well. He’ll get to see or do something he loves and you’ll have paid your debt and done something really thoughtful as a big send off so to speak.
AWG – Sorry to hear that about your FIL, it sucks when you lose someone you love. Especially to cancer.
As for that other a-hole, if he’s like that, it’s just a matter of time before all that BS he’s spreading catches up to him.
AWG…you don’t by any chance go by Semper_Fi on a tech board do you?
Geoff,
Rod Serling might have something to say about your disturbing level. He might in fact welcome you to to the Twilight Zone. What a great show, that was.
The Reds bled all over CO. It was a messy mess, but not unexpected. They might have given CO their divisiion! Go Reds!
Greg in Cincinati
Stripper name: Bronco
No Chuck, i’m the AngryWhiteGuy everywhere I go. It’s my curse.
RNK- This guy has a retirement fund he is spending up travelling the US. I don’t think I can give him anything he hasn’t already seen. But I do like the “money is a worry of the living not the dying.” thing. That’s fucking awesome!!!! The guy is just my best friend here because he is in my age bracket and he has backed me up in every decision I have ever made involving my life and my marriage to his daughter. I thought about tickets to a Bucs game, where we could go together, but the Bucs are going to suck for years to come, so I might as well take him to a Sarasota High School game.
I have dealt with a lot of death in my life, but this one is going to be hard. I think the money I owe him will be secondary, compared to the amount of sadness it will leave behind for a whole shitload of people.
Thanks for the advise and concern. You too, Shiny.
No IPOD right now, I’m watching the same fucking Spongebob episode I have watched with my daughter at least thirty time.
Have a good weekend invisible friends. You all rock.
It’s weird when you meet an OLD person with a young sounding name, like an old lady named Debbie or Jennifer.
I’m a fan of the TV show “24″ but it has gotten a little stupid lately, like they make it up as they go along.
Screaming kids – I heard a loud,shrill scream from a kid in the store yesterday. It made me look up and down each aisle to see who he was. He wasn’t mad, just testing his lungs! I think its funny that kids find that acceptable to do in public. Adults couldn’t get away with it very easily.
So last Saturday me and the boyfriend decide to go to the diner fro breakfast, and its moderately crowded. There was this woman with 2 girls around 8-10 yrs old and they literally screamed (not crying shrieking) the entire time while mom read a magazine and did nothing. Now I was getting pissed that a) they were definitely old enough to know somewhat how to act in public b) that the mother ignored it. I was ready to go hand her my bill for ruining my breakfast.!
AWG-Cancer sucks. Sorry to hear about your friend and father in law. I do owe my father money that he has refused to take back because 1) the rate of interest I pay him is better than a CD and 2) he feels like he has some mad money stashed, even though the family is well aware of the loan. He is 79 and may have 10 days or 20 years you never know at that age but I know come the day after his funeral there will be 3 sisters and BIL’s outside my door demanding that I pay the estate back, as RNK so elegantly stated, “money is a concern for the living…”, and they will be concerned. Enjoy what little time you have with your friend and be there for your “child bride”, not much else you can do. Peace my invisible friend.
Did you know- Invisible friends or more likely to piss you off than imaginary friends!
wow AWG, I had a boss like that and it SUCKED. I was supposed to be able to read his mind and think like him (as if I wanted to be that f**ked up) and do exactly as he told me, not as he did. I finally gave him 30 days notice, worked 2 1/2 weeks and left. Then he was pissed at me for not staying the whole 30 days. He has since lost all of his employees and from what I hear is losing his house. F**ktard
screaming kids, never had a problem with mine so I can’t understand how people let them scream in public. MAKE THEM BEHAVE! and while we are at it I DON”T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR DOG BARK!
My stripper name: “Dok Race”
Did yall hear about that guy in an Atlanta Wal-Mart last week who encountered some screaming kid and told the mother, “Shut her up or I’ll shut her up.” Then he smacked her around (the kid) a bit? Just curious. They took him to jail.
AWG — sorry to hear about your father-in-law / friend. I completely agree with RNK that money is a concern of the living. He probably looks at at the $2000 loan as a gift to his daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren anyway. Even if he doesn’t take the money, attempting to pay him back says a lot about your character. It would be reassuring for him to be reminded that his daughter married a good man and will be taken care of when he’s gone.
Taking your FIL on a nice trip is indeed a wonderful idea. Or simply stepping in when things start to get really rough and making sure all the bills get paid on time, doing some grocery shopping or cooking when the step-in is busy caring for your FIL, taking your FIL to appointments, having dinner together every Sunday, sneaking him a really good beer when the doc says he shouldn’t indulge. There are lots of little things that you can do that might be overlooked in a time of crisis.
As for your little genius, I would suggest eventually having her mentor or tutor another child, maybe someone younger or struggling a little bit. A child’s mind works so differently from an adult’s, and even the best teachers can forget that. It is beneficial for a kid to hear something explained from another kid’s point of view — sort of like “Here’s how I learned this. This is how I made sense of this.” Your daughter would learn a whole new set of skills in the process. Hope for patience and compassion because the gifted children I know tend to take things for granted when learning comes easy.
My other suggestion is to turn her loose in the public library. And if you live near a college or university library, even better. Find a topic that she likes and help her research and read everything she can find on the subject. Get her to walk through the stacks and put her little hands on the books, flip through the pages, look at a table of contents, an index, etc., just like in the olden days. Tactile learning is a part of the experience. Yes, it takes more time than using the Internet, but bear in mind how quickly the Internet rots little, developing brains. Oh, and read, read, read.
AWG, the fact that you’re struggling with the whole topic of the loan repayment speaks volumes. There are so many children and In-children out there that take these things for granted. Based on your previous ramblings, your honesty and vulnerability here and your taste in music (i.e. closing a post with np: Tool as opposed to say Hall and Oats…ah-em-Jeff-gay-ah-em) I have no doubt that your friend gets it too. Of course, under the rule of man you must both continue to offer/refuse the money.
The words from Brynhildr and RNK are beautiful and the reason I read comments. (Well, that and Jason’s cheese fucking jokes.) How curious that among a community of jokers lies such heart warming wisdom.
Either that or you could always lose the money to him in a poker game. Of course you actually have to lose, not “lose”. I’m sure you both know the difference.
My father gave me the name George after his father; it’s a rather boring tale if you ask me. My mother decided to use more originality. Being from Detroit, she loved the name Ty after Ty Cobb. She didn’t, however, like that the nickname stood for Tyrus so she opted for Tyson.
I hated George so much I refused to lean to spell it until I was forced to in the first grade. In contrast, I love the originality of Ty, but Tyson has had its drawbacks. Particularly with Tyson chicken, Cecile Tyson & Mike Tyson…although it was cool my older brothers name was Mike.
Later…
…oh yea, and on my phone streaming from my home, ‘Haitian Divorce’ by Steely Dan, which is, of course, my stripper name.
We went to a party last night and I have to tell you guys about this. About six or eight of us guys were hanging out around the television and whenever someone’s wife would walk by this one guy would make absurdly inappropriate comments. He was somewhat drunk but not drunk enough to slur.
He’d say shit like, “I’d like to row row row her boat. Does she shave down there or is she a sascrotch? Does she ever take it in the ass?” And shit like that. Everyone else was outraged but I was having a hard time not pissing myself from laughter. Maybe it was everyone else’s reaction or maybe just the fact that he was so off the wall. Whatever it was, I thought it was some funny shit.
Jason – Comments about another man’s wife in their presence is bad juju. That’s the start of many bar room fights. That’s up there with comments about someones mom. He’s lucky one of the guys didn’t clock him. Now that would have been funny.
AWG – In addition to what others have said, I would add that whatever you can do for your FIL’s wife will be greatly appreciated by your FIL. We often forget the caregivers.
I don’t know, SR, sascrotch is pretty fuckin’ funny, and funny has saved many from well deserved beat downs.
AWG…I’m so sorry about your father-in-law. How terrible for your family. Your wife must be heartbroken.
The fact that you’re worried about owing him money says so much for your character. Most people wouldn’t even give it a second thought. If it would make you feel better, discuss it with him. I’m guessing he’ll tell you not to worry about it. I’m sure he was just happy to be able to help you guys out when you lost your job.
Miss KIA was a gifted child. She was bored in school and had difficulty focusing on her work. She’d work ahead and went through the work books we bought her like crazy.
The teacher didn’t reprimand Miss KIA if she worked ahead. Instead she used it to her advantage and had Miss KIA help in the class. She was reading to the class when she was in kindergarten.
I’d suggest that you schedule a conference with the teacher and make her aware of your daughters habits at home and find a way to compromise. The teacher was probably more concerned with what she would be able to come up with to keep your daughter busy than the fact that she’d completed the workbook.
I might be your invisible friend but I’m sure someday we’ll meet in person! Of course you’ve seen pictures of me so you know what I look like while I just have to keep guessing what you look like…LOL
Jason-Sounds like you were on the set of an R rated beer commercial!
My buckeyes gave it there all and came up short. Damn. You can keep your “over rated” comments to yourself.
Now my bastard bengals take the field in just over an hour to kick off what I’m sure will be one of the greatest football seasons ever witnessed by mankind. Who-Dey!!! Yes that is sarcasm! The bottle of Woodford Reserve I nearly drained yesterday has made a bit cranky this morning, peace y’all!
I’ll be the first to admit that I have a very warped sense of humor. But come on, the akwardness of it all, how could I not laugh? And Sascrotch? That’s good stuff.
I would have also laughed if someone had split his lip open or pulled his arm off and beat him with the bleeding end of it.
My diet is going fairly good, by the way. AWG is my inspiration. I had some peanut brittle with the wife the other day and we stuffed ourselves at “The Melting Pot” but other than that I’ve been eating bland shit food. And I’ve been walking with her in the evenings.
So, Jason, are you going to tell us what he said about your wife, or did the guy have the sense to show some respect for a pregnant lady?
And I wanted to add that dieting doesn’t have to be bland food, salads and water. Don’t torture yourselves. There are a lot of good recipes for reduced-fat, reduced-calorie dishes on the Cooking Light website. Desserts too. Deprivation means you’ll just end up eating a whole pizza for lunch one day.
http://www.cookinglight.com/food/kitchen-assistant/
Brynhildr,
Here’s how our exchange went:
Him: I bet she has a sweet baba ganoush.
Me: Yep.
Him: Are those tits real?
Me: Yep.
Him: Good move finding a chick with big natural tits. That puts you ahead by about $5,000 because you don’t have to buy her a pair of silicone bags.
Me: Yep.
Him: I’ve always had a thing for pregnant chicks.
Me: Fuck you, sicko.
What if the street you grew up on is a numbered street? You can’t really go by Joe/Jane 5th. You’d sound like a bottle of whisky…which isn’t entirly bad but just doesn’t have the oomph!
Jason – I know I’m not one to talk but jokes about women in general is one thing. When I gets to a personal level even if it is an off color remark just doesn’t play out in my book regardless of how much alcohol he’s consumed. You have a bit more reserve than I would have had. The exchange would have stopped with the baby ganoush as he was picking himself off the floor and hour later. Then I would have warned him about talking about my wife. Did I mention about the iBoobs?
Dear Diary:
What a friggin week I had.
First thing Wednesday AM, Phone rings. My boss (300 miles away). Pack a bag, drive directly to my office. We have a meeting with conference call at 3:00 PM. Meeting lasts 5 minutes, conference call lasts 5 minutes. Me, my boss, my inside sales rep., and another manager go to mega expensive dinner , then drink until 2:30 AM. Piss drunk.
My inside sales rep and I are handed airline confirmations to fly to Chicago Thurs 8:10 AM flight. Check in to Marriott, sleep 2 hours, shower, cab to airport. I am still drunk.
Chicago meeting at 1:00 PM, lasts 15 minutes. $3.6 Million deal signed. Handed cashier’s check for $1.2 Million deposit from customer. Fold check and stick in my wallet.
Commence drinking, dinner at Loiue’s Chophouse, me and inside sales rep. Dinner bill $356.00. Drunk again.
Friday fly back to Pittsburgh.
Drive to Wheeling, WV. Get drunk bar hopping with many cousins in preparation for a wedding on Saturday,
Saturday, wedding. Piss drunk then more bar hopping until last call at 3:00 AM. My sister is handing out Vicodin like trick-or-treat M&M’s.
Sunday brunch with same hangover crowd of relatives. 6 hour drive back home, painful. Stopped for coffee at every rest area of PA turnpike.
Catch up on 30+ emails and read/comment on WVSR. Shit, tomorrow is Monday already.
My stripper name would be Pop Can Jones.
Good night.
Thanks everyone for the good words. I talked with my father-in-law last night about the repayment and AGAIN, he told me to wait until we get ahead before considering repayment. I know it’s going to be too late by then, but I just thanked him and invited him and his wife over for a low fat, no taste dinner one night this week. Ironically, he’s on the same diet that I am.
Week one of NFL under the belt. Colts squeaked by Jags, but it’s a win. Bucs are preparing for the 3-13 season they are going to suffer. Hit 13 of fourteen right in the office pool. 80 people play in this thing, so I am among the frontrunners for the $100 pot. Two more in the bag tonight. Damn, I missed football.
Broke another finger on the court this weekend too. They’ve all been broken at least once now from sports injuries or hitting stuff. I swear my hands look like the Cryptkeeper’s.
Again, thanks everyone. You guys are the best.
On IPOD right now- “Whores”- Jane’s Addiction
Here’s some irony. I was listening to “People Who Died” on the IPOD and clicked onto TBO.com and saw that Jim Carroll had died. Weird.
No big problem with my name, except it’s Charlie not Charles. When I was growing up, I always heard, “put your real name down Charles.” “I did my name is Charlie, and so on.
OK, he died, like three days ago, and no report until yesterday. Weird, right? Does anyone know who I am talking about?
Wait till Patrick Swayze dies. The news agencies will report that immediately.
On IPOD right now- “Flesh Is The Law “- Genitorturers
Larry Gelbart died on Friday.
He wrote ” A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.”
He was also involved with Oh God and Toostie.
Plus create M*A*S*H.
AWG — are you still talking about Jim Carroll or do you mean bin Laden’s brother?
Hehe…Me speaky english no good….
What I MEANT to say is that he helped create M*A*S*H for television…
Bin Laden had 54(?) brothers. It’s like putting back the cocoa puffs before the checkout so the kids won’t notice. Bin Laden prolly doesn’t even notice he’s gone.
On IPOD right now- “It’s Gonna Kill Me”- Filter
brynhildr- yes, I was still talking about Jim Carroll. As a punk music connoisseur, I am a little depressed by this.
AWG-Had to use google to figure it out, and I don’t think I’ve ever read or heard any of his work. As I’ve stated here before, my music list is pretty short, I suppose I should try and broaden it but I don’t know where to start. Maybe you and Jeff and some of the other “enlightened” could put together some “must own” lists fo different genres, i.e. punk, rock, alt, blues…it might make good filler as our friend finishes his future NYT bestseller.
“People Who Died” was the only hit from Carroll, but his teenage life was portrayed by Leonardo Decraprio in a movie called “The Basketball Diaries” Really good movie, in spite of the casting. You should start there, and follow with the music. Some intense shit there.
On IPOD right now- “Don’t Get Lost in Heaven”- Gorillaz
My real name IS a stripper name… I have never liked it. Maybe in the 70′s Ginger seemed exotic and mysterious, but it has always been a total burden. Especially since there is a porn star whose name is EXACTLY the same as my first and middle name. Ugh.