Is Discombobulated Really A Word? I Got No Spelling Alert.
Sorry about yesterday. I allowed real life to get in my way, like a ball-baby bitch. And I overslept today, so it never stops.
Christmas is in, like, two weeks or something? Man, I’m not prepared. I haven’t bought anything for anyone. Literally nothing, and that’s not a joke. I’ll probably be at K-Mart on Christmas Eve with tears streaming down my face, pushing around a cart filled with toe socks, Raisinettes, and electric jar openers for the boys.
Actually, Toney took care of the Secrets, so their Christmas is secure. Thank God (and my long-suffering wife). But everything else is in a state of radical disarray. I’m operating under a cloud of continuous low-grade panic here.
Oh well. It’s a holiday tradition, right?
And since we’re on the subject, here’s some heartwarming best wishes from the Angry White Guy. …I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional.
The big “snow event” that had the entire eastern part of the United States buzzing a few days ago, missed us almost completely. On the Weather Channel radars, etc., it looked like we were getting hammered. But we got nothing. Toney “shoveled” the driveway with a broom.
Wotta rip-off. I like snow, especially when it’s supposed to happen on my days off. I want a refund.
My so-called book has been submitted, and even though it took more than a year to write… I felt rushed at the end. It’s far from perfect, but hopefully The Agency will be able to see the potential in it. I’ve been told it’ll be “several weeks” before I hear from them. So, I’m going to try to put it out of my mind for a while. Ha! That’s a goddamn good one.
A new restaurant recently opened near us. It’s in the old Bennigan’s building, but is locally-owned and not part of any chain, or anything like that.
They’ve been open for about two weeks, and Toney and I decided to check them out on Saturday evening. We were there around 5 o’clock, and the hostess was staring intently at a clipboard when we came through the door.
We stood there, waiting for her to figure out whatever it was she was trying to figure out. But after greeting us with a “Hi guys!” she returned to the clipboard, and ignored us. For a long, long time.
Starting to get pissed, I told Toney, “Maybe we should just go somewhere else?” This, of course, was not for Toney’s benefit, but for The Clipboard Mama’s.
But she didn’t say anything. There was no response, whatsoever. She left us hanging there, in restaurant limbo, like a couple of idiots.
So, we left. Toney said, “Let’s go,” and we walked out. And there was not even a hint of protest from the hostess, not another word was ever said to us. It’s unbelievable. A new business, trying to make a positive first impression, and all that…
The place is called Charlie’s Pub & Eatery, and here’s some information about it. I’ve already got a bad attitude toward it, and haven’t even made it to an actual table yet. I’ll probably soften my stance with time, but right now it’s under the heading of NEVER AGAIN!
Sheesh. I can be treated like shit anywhere, I don’t need it from a local restaurant.
Have you put any businesses under the NEVER AGAIN! heading recently? Tell us about it, won’t you? Use the comments link below.
And this is a lame one, I know, but I’m all discombobulated here. Before I go, I’d like to invite you to watch Metten’s latest animated short, at Mockable. Metten works hard on those things, but that’s not the reason you should watch it. You should watch it ’cause it’s really funny and good!
I’ll leave you now with an inevitable Question for this time of year: What are some of your favorite Christmas albums?
There are two I’m especially fond of: an ancient Elvis Christmas album, the one with the syrupy “Mama Liked the Roses” at the end, and some sort of Starbucks compilation I picked up during my travels. It’s kinda jazzy and cool, and features Burl Ives and Bing Crosby and a cast of thousands. The whole thing feels like the ’40s or ’50s, and I like that.
So, what about you? Do you have any longtime Christmas favorites? Just so you know, I also like to listen to Rock of the Westies by Elton John during this time of year, for some unknown deep-seated reason. I’m drawn to it at Christmastime, year after year.
So, if you have anything on that subject, let’s hear it.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
THERE HE IS
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!!!!!!
Yeah!! He’s back, oo-rah!
Jeff Kay! Jeff Kay! Jeff Kay! Jeff Kay!
The Beach Boys Christmas album.
I waited for the twitter alert, read the update and still came in second? Must be Christmas week…
Or fourth, whatever…
NEVER AGAIN:
Oskee’s Family Restaurant (in St. Albans),
Subway (any of them)
And, I’m quite ready to chuck all “buffets” into the Never Again bin too. Why should I have to serve myself??
Partridge Family Christmas. On an 8 track.
Top ten! Woo Hoo
Yes it is a word. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/discombobulated
No Christmas albums in my home.
Nothing recent in the never again column.
AWG-Nice pic!
Thanks for the update, I really didn’t think we had one coming.
Jeff,
As I would drive by and see Charlie’s being renovated, I would just shake my head and think, “Poor bastards,,, they’re going to lose their shirts.” National chains with millions of dollars in marketing and training can’t make it, and some local shlub thinks he’s going to do what they do better? Not for that type of TGIF, Bennigan’s, Ruby Tuesday etc. kind of place.
Hope I’m wrong, but I bet I’m not.
My folks would always play Sing a Long with Mitch Miller records at Christmas time. I always remember that sound and it takes me back.
I don’t have the time to list all the places I’ve walked out of, never to return.
As to Christmas music, I have a promo only sampler from the early 90s that I love, and I like Bruce Cockburn’s Christmas album and the early Very Special Christmas albums were good too.
So, where did you go after you left The Clipboard Pub & Eatery?
A place called J.J. Bridges, Eve, and it was fantastic.
There is no way I can listen to an entire Christmas album, but I am partial to Robert Earl Keen’s songs “Merry Christmas From The Family” and “Happy Holidays Y’all”. And for the mandatory CanCon, there is Randy Bachman’s “Takin’ Care of Christmas.”
I did ALL my shopping online this year. Earlier in the month. What a relief. We’re both usually wandering around the Mall on Christmas Eve quietly weeping.
Sorry Jeff…I forgot to link through you for the Amazon. Amazon Prime is my bitch. Two days and there it is, waiting on the porch. Free. Well, after the $79 free.
Sorry about the mess we left in the Bunker (Dec 17th’s comments), Jeff. Things got a little out of hand. Law enforcement was called.
Thanks, WB. My wife keeps trying to take pictures of me since it is the first time she has ever seen me with a clean shaven face. I keep giving her the finger. I thought it would make a nice Christmas card.
On IPOD right now- “Down in a Hole”- Alice in Chains
Vince Guaraldi Trio: “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
Johnny Matthis and Nat King Cole.
I “NEVER AGAIN’d” a Mexican place and, for the first time in my life left a $4 tip on a $55 bill. Yeah, the place and service sucked that bad.
The last place I said I would never go back to is the steak place in Pittsburgh’s new River’s Casino called Andrew’s.
A pretentious little spot overlooking the three rivers…during the day that is…at night you see nothing but blackness with the tinted glass and all. Thrilling.
Everything is a la carte. The waiter disappeared for 20 minutes until our dinners arrived. No bread basket, crackers, rolls, nuttin’. I ordered the prime rib which I must admit was the size of a small compact car. But it was cold and the “au jus” was congealed on the top of this cow. My boyfriend ordered the fillet which was the size of a silver dollar. Whoo hoo. We shared side dishes which we ordered 3 for $10. There was a BITE for both of us. That’s it. No dessert. $150 bucks with tip. Luckily, we won the money back and then some at the Roulette table. Went to McDonald’s drive thru on the way home.
Ponderosa Steakhouse/Buffet , Columbus, OH (although as a result of this, all Pondy’s are off my list): Got food poisoning there while in town on business, proceeded to spend the next 2 days in my hotel room losing 11 lbs. That’s right, you name an orifice, and something was being expelled from it. I don’t envy the housekeepers who tended to the room after I left (which was when I BARELY had enough strength to travel home…thank God it was a half-empty flight).
We wrote off the Stage Deli in West Bloomfield, Mi as of Sunday. Apparently you have to be a regular to be acknowledged there. They can blow me. There’s a better deli a mile away.
And I have never weighed in on a music question as far as I can recall (mostly because I’m a diletente when it comes to such things) but this time I shall.
In addition to any Kenny Rogers stuff, it’s not Christmas until I listen to the Barenaked Ladies “Barenaked for the Holidays”. It’s just fun.
bikerchick I haven’t been to the new casino and don’t intend to. I’m still pissed that Isle of Capri didn’t get the deal and give us a new arena for nuttin. Fuckin politics.
My favorite Christmas album is hands down A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector. Best Christmas album by a murderer, to date.
SOS: Yeah…don’t bother. A million slot machines, oxygen tanks, and blue hair. Evidently, it’s not even close to bringing in the money as expected as well as help fund the new Pen’s arena. Imagine that.
Top 4 Christmas Albums
1. Soundtrack from “A Charlie Brown Christmas” — All hail Vince Guaraldi!
2. The Andy Williams Christmas Album — Hokey, but it was the soundtrack of my grade-school youth. I’d crank up Side One and rummage through that year’s edition of the Sears Wish Book.
3. Amie Mann’s “Another Drifter in the Snow” — Best holiday album of the ’00s.
4. “We Three Kings” by the Roches — Clever arrangements of all the classics, perfect for playing in the car while tree-shopping.
Hey AWG, at least the Colts are undefeated…
My wife convinced me to go to a restaurant here called “Longevity”. It was billed as a “fusion” restaurant, so I should have known what I was getting into. We asked to sit by the window and the snotty queer host said, “Maybe I can do that, maybe I can’t.” I replied with, “Maybe we won’t fucking eat here.” and we got seated immediately. The food was really small and in the center of the plate with some saucelike crap spread on it. Never again.
I like “A Nine Inch Nails Christmas” It puts me in the holiday spirit when Trent wails, “……..it’s another fucking Christmas without you!!! I hope you die!!!!!”
On IPOD right now- “Face the Face”- Pete Townsend
I have an old Alvin and the Chipmunks album. Yeah…a 33 LP. We like to get wasted and play it at 45. Usually around three in the morning [totally baked] we really crank up the volume and kick it up to 78rpm and proclaim the album to be pure genuis.
The only one’s now, Kristy, the only one’s!!!
Sweet Tomatoes just hit the “Never Again” list just this afternoon.
Maria Maveety has some sweet, sweet titties.
Best Xmas record ever = Black Sabbath Master of Reality
Also; I would have to agree with Joe T. in that hanging a few extra TVs in the bar is not a very robust business model for starting up a new restaurant in a failed Bennigans. I give ‘em 6-months, and then don’t be too surprised to see the owner arrested for sawing off people’s catalytic convertors to support his meth habit.
I like the traditional Christmas music. But I absolutely love Trans Siberian Orchestra.
DTO — too funny.
I’ve spun these albums the past few days because something has to get me in the mood this year:
Jimmy Smith’s Christmas Cookin. Would you like a little jazz Hammond Organ with your Christmas Music?
James Brown’s Funky Christmas. A must have compilation of the best Christmas tunes Mr. Brown either covered or created. Funky indeed.
Soul Christmas, a compilation that features the never gets old
Clarence Carter’s “Back Door Santa” which from the same guy that
brought you Strokin’ is as you might imagine. Except in this case the
back door is the one in the house he sneaks through in order to get his
freak on, not the poop chute. Back Door Santa also has the distinction of having its hook line sampled for the Run DMC Christmas classic “Christmas in Hollis”
I despise Christmas music except for Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt.
I haven’t set foot in a Whole Foods for 3 years now, and I don’t intend to any time soon. I’m sure you’ve heard my Whole Foods rant before, so I’ll skip it. Pisses me off just thinking about it.
There’s a place on Haight Street called the Citrus Club. The food is pretty good, but the hostes is a fucking bitch, so I’ll never go there again. Again, pretty sure I’ve told you that rant, as well.
Also, you can pretty much put most chain restaurants in there, as well. Food tastes like a salt lick.
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
If any of you are in the neighborhood, we’re having a Bah Humbug cocktails and “light refreshments” party Christmas Day around 6. Come on by!
Goddamnit, I gotta run and can’t read the comments until later, Moving shit outta the house tonight. Aargh.
Never Again: Little Chicago’s Pizza, Southside. Started out OK, then started skimping on toppings and overall service. Xtra cheese pie had about the same amount of cheese as a regular cheese (hah) generic brand grocery store frozen pizza the last time I bothered to order. Shame.
Favorite xmas albums:
Brenda Lee
Elvis
Takes me back and puts a tear in my jaded fuckin eye.
Welcome back Jeff; hope the house wan’t too destroyed after our stopover. More later. You guys have a good evening.
Cheers,
RB
On the laptop: “Esmerelda” (unreleased) — The Mullens
http://www.myspace.com/themullens
A Very Bert Dax Christmas from St. Louis.
Hey Jeff, can I read your book? According to Zine Wiki, I was known for my “harsh, dismissive reviews” in Zine World.
I like to call it “discomBOOBulated!
Anyway – Favorite Christmas album for my is an old Keely Smith one, called “A Keely Christmas”. Favorite song on there is Christmas Island. Listening to that album really brings back the childhood Christmas memories. But I’ll admit, there are many great albums, both old and new, done for the Christmas season! Elvis’ Blue Christmas is another big favorite!
I think Christmas music is a form of torture. The one exception I’ll hold to that is Bob & Doug’s 12 days of Christmas. The fact that they fall behind the choir makes me smile every year.
Hey kids, I’m back (not that anyone gives a shit). I just got myself a tetanus shot for xmas after nearly slicing a finger off two nights ago. 10 minutes was all it took plus the princely sum of a $10 co-pay and now i can stomp on rusty nails with impunity for a half decade or more. I hope you guys treat yourselves to equally cool gifts this howl-a-day season. Off to the wilds of Western PA tomorrow so I just wanted to wish yinz a Merry Fuckin Drunken Wired Christmas. Cheers!
Never again = National City Bank
A Charlie Brown Christmas (CD)
Dude, first off all, calm the fuck down. Take a couple tree fo breaths and relax. You still have some time to gift the secrets and Tony. YOU JUST COMPLETED A FUCKING BOOK!!Give yourself a damn break. Jeez.And what’s more, FUCK Charlies. When we get our place(in the works and in northern New England)you will be treated like a star, just as you deserve. Lighten up, Jeff. You are fine. Oh, and I know you will wear one of our bar’s Tshirts? Right?Right? Where is that cricket sound comong from> It’s balls cold in Maine.
Happy Saturnalia Surf Reporters:
Charlies pub! I like the cutie behind the bar attempting to tell the klingon customer to live long and prosper but the picture of the grilled one eyed panda as an entree a little much! I think you were lucky skipping this one Mon Ami!
Christmas album has to be Wintersong by Sarah McLachlan even though I’m a middle aged Hetro!
Never again: colonoscopy: a lingering Death is a better choice
required christmas music:
1) the beatles (white album)
2) crosby, stills, and nash (eponymous)
dunno why, but those two albums mean christmas…
peace:
b
Haven’t read the comments yet. But whoever doesn’t like this can blow a cock. Elvis and Martina McBride. She was “superimposed” or whatever sometime later. I think she was about 12 when she died.
http://release.theplatform.com/content.select?pid=5mCzgDf_lCZ3uKBDkKLY2_dqmD4_S0yF&UserName=Unknown
I listen to Elvis at Christmas. I listen to Elvis all the time. That’s one of the main reasons that I’m not “hip” to yall’s fucking music talk. Chrome Buzzards? Who the fuck knows? And Ziggy Greengay on drums? Beats the fuck outta me. So there you have it. Merry Chrismas.
When “he” died. “He” being Elvis. Fuck. Merry Christmas.
“Assrabbits” is a real word. Or if it isn’t it should be. This place is full of assrabbits. Also, uncle Tony died.
Amigos,
A Dave Brubeck Christmas, Oscar Peterson Christmas, David Grisman’s Acoustic Christmas, and anybody singing O Holy Night.
It’s late on the east coast, so I might repost this tomorrow, since I spent over ten minues on it:
.
.
JOHNTHEBASKET’S CHRISTMAS CAROL
On the first day of Christmas, the Basket said to me:
Jeff is making book his-tor-eee
On the third day of Christmas, the Basket said to me:
Gretchen hangs with asshats
White guy is pissed…
And Jeff is making book his-tor-eee
On the fifth day of Christmas, the Basket said to me:
Is…Chuck…a…dick? …………..no, no, no
Jimmy Kuhn is spurting
Gretchen hangs with asshats
White guy is pissed…
And Jeff is making book his-tor-eee
On the seventh day of Christmas, the Basket said to me:
Tammie is a Goddess
Ian tosses cabers
Is…Chuck…a…dick? …………..no, no, no
Jimmy Kuhn is spurting
Gretchen hangs with asshats
White guy is pissed…
And Jeff is making book his-tor-eee
On the ninth day of Christmas, the Basket said to me:
Bikerchick is cruising
Rat Bastard’s snorting
Tammie is a Goddess
Ian tosses cabers
Is…Chuck…a…dick? …………..no, no, no
Jimmy Kuhn is spurting
Gretchen hangs with asshats
White guy is pissed…
And Jeff is making book his-tor-eee
On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Basket said to me:
Pagan speaks Canadian
Jason’s shaft is cheesy
Bikerchick is cruising
Rat Bastard’s snorting
Tammie is a Goddess
Ian tosses cabers
Is…Chuck…a…dick? …………..no, no, no
Jimmy Kuhn is spurting
Gretchen hangs with asshats
White guy is pissed…
And Jeff is making book his-tor-eee
On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Basket said to me:
Metten’s always watching
Pagan speaks Canadian
Jason’s shaft is cheesy
Bikerchick is cruising
Rat Bastard’s snorting
Tammie is a Goddess
Ian tosses cabers
Is…Chuck…a…dick? …………..no, no, no
Jimmy Kuhn is spurting
Gretchen hangs with asshats
White guy is pissed…
And Jeff is making book his-tor-eee…
And Jeff is making book his-tor-eee
.
.
I’m sorry I could only use twelve names – I enjoy ALL your posts. I wish you all the joy this season can bring, for whatever, for you, constitutes joy. Merry Christmas to you and yours from me and mine.
jtb
I’ll eat just about anywhere if the price is right, even if the menu features the phrase “good eats.”
As for Christmas songs, I picked up the new Bob Dylan cd and it’s probably the most awkward thing i’ve ever listened to.
NEVER AGAIN list –
K-Bobs. We had them here (Albuquerque, NM) briefly… And they fucked up a hot dog. A FUCKING HOT DOG.
I will never return to this crappy sushi place, either – Azuma… TERRIBLE. My sushi was actually like… mealy and squishy… almost like really bad pate. I’ve NEVER had sushi that bad before.
I always say I’ll never go back to Applebees and Fudruckers and yet… I always find myself back there, hating what I order.
We tried to take my son for a haircut to a salon that I used to go to under previous ownership. They said it’d be a 20 minute wait, but there’s a Jimmy John’s in the same strip center so we said fine, went and got some sammiches to eat and came back in 20 minutes. Waited 10 minutes, nothing. One woman takes some girl who just walked in back with her and gives me the “wait one minute” finger sign. We wait 10 more minutes. Another woman and her daughter come in and get taken back to be shorn. Now there’s one woman on the computer and another standing over her but no one’s taking on my son. We wait another 10 minutes then leave. Unfreakingbelieveably bad customer service. We wasted about 50 minutes waiting on them.
1st mistake is taken your son to a salon. is there not an old fashioned barber in your town? take a kid to a salon and next thing you’ll be tivo’ing bravo.
I have a new favorite! Last night on a local, church owned radio station, the DJ played “Another Rock and Roll Christmas” by Gary Glitter. Ironic, but, hey, the DJ had ballz!
AWG –
My husband is Catholic, and I am Episcopalian. We have been married nearly 11 years (together for 14), and we have never decided whether he should be Episcopalian or if I should become Catholic (he says why be Catholic when I am Episcopalian and it is just like being Catholic [Catholic lite] without all of the things that people hate about being Catholic – I say I would rather be Catholic so if we ever have children we can raise them Catholic and they can fall off to Episcopalian, instead of raising them Episcopalian where they might fall off to something like a weird snake handling religion).
Anyway, Saturday we were at a suicide funeral (really we were, it was my second and the first one- years ago – was HORRIBLE), and because it had just been a topic here, I was sensitive to whether the priest was a bearer of comfort or condemnation. Fortunately, the priest was a bearer of comfort. So that was cool.
Well, the funeral was in a Catholic church, and the priest’s surname is Manning. I ran into the priest last night while I was out running errands, and I got his name right. It is Manning. So, AWG, should I take this as a sign from God? Should I become Catholic because I met a priest named Manning? I mean, if the priest’s name had been Brady I would have taken that as a sign to stay Episcopalian. Maybe this is really a sign that I am a little too involved in football? Thoughts?
-WTB
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE KAY’S AND SURF REPORTERS EVERYWHERE!!
I’m gonna stay drunk for…uh…er…I’m off for the next 11 days!
You began to scare me a little there when you began talking religion right off the bat to me. My skin felt like it was burning.
Perhaps you are a little too involved in football but that’s OK. Take it as a sign that the Colts will go undefeated and win the SB.
Don’t become a Catholic.
Glad the priests name wasn’t Sanchez or Quinn.
On IPOD right now- “Simple Man”- Lynyrd Skynyrd
I will not eat at ANY buffet. I have way too many germ issues for that and the food is always mediocre at best. I have also put several pizza chains on the never return list. Papa John’s, Pizza Hut YUCK!!
WTB- Whats wrong with handling snakes?
WTB! You’re going to have to change your name; the Episcopal Church is known as the very high upper class church of Christianity. Most of our presidents were Epis. The Cabots, Lowells, Rockefellers, and Mellons belonged. Bush used to belong, but when he wanted to be president, he joined the Methodists and pretended to be a cowboy. Don’t become a Catholic—I used to be and it sucked. BTW, what’s wrong with handling snakes??? My husband’s veterinarian, so I do it all the time. Oh—never mind.
johnthebasket – funny shit, man!
DTO-I want to party with you!
Shane-I think Maria is to young for you to lust after her sweet titties.
RIMBoy-Back Door Santa my new favorite, thanks!
Knucklehead-I wish I was going to be in your neighborhood but I will be stuck in OH, rats.
Zoe-Let me know when the bar is open I need a good excuse to visit New England!
UlisesGirl-How exactly does one fuck up a hot dog?
Pagan-Happy Saturnalia back at ya, gotta love google.
Dave-Pondergrossa, I can’t help but feel like you had it coming.
Okay I’m done I think.
I got another little piece over at mockable…check it. Worth at least the 90 seconds it takes to read it.. Maybe.
jtb,
i like it, me!
I’ve got several “never again” eateries, but the only big name is Fuddruckers. The wife and I did the make-ur-own burgers, then we did a tour of NYC, and she got major food poisoning. The highlight was hurling in the italian-marbled bathroom at Trump towers on 5th ave. There’s something noble about that.
In your previous post about corporate nicknames, nobody mentioned movie nicknaming, like “T2″. I hate those.
jtb: Priceless!!
JTB- That was awesome! I’m just pissed I didn’t think of it first.
On IPOD right now- “Low Rider”- War
JTB I am honoured to have made the list Well worth the 10 mins! I will have it framed and placed on the Yurt wall;)
WTB stick with Catholic lite your condo in heaven wont be quite as good but at least you’l have one;)
JTB — I am also honored to have made the Christmas Carol. Well done!
WTB, I was brought up Episcopalian; yes, it’s Catholic Lite. Furthermore – when I was a kid the priest at our church was named John Madden.
I don’t do Christmas albums, only the odd song here and there. “I Believe in Father Christmas” by ELP, “Greensleeves” by John Coltrane. “Walking ’round in women’s underwear” always gives me a chortle. Well OK, the one album is “Drive the Cold Winter Away” by Horslips, but I haven’t put that on in years.
I may be a bit sick by most people’s standards, but I tend to feel ODed on “normal” Christmas music and break out the parodies. Bob Rivers is usually good for a laugh, and I enjoy the “Tales From the Crypt” Christmas album (“Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas”).