I Always Know Enough When I See It
I am a physical and emotional wreck. How’s your day going?
My feet, I fear, are completely destroyed. I reported to work last night in fancy-pants, as required, along with corresponding shirt and funeral shoes. Now I think every tiny feet bone has been shattered and snapped, and I am a living, breathing blister museum.
I can barely walk, and that’s not really an exaggeration. My feet might have to come off, and be replaced with cedar posts or something. Good god. I now realize funeral shoes are only designed to be worn for two or three hours at a clip, not twelve.
And I’m going to have 2×2 cedar feet, for the rest of my life!
Some dude’s coming here this afternoon, to install a new garage door opener. Ours looks like it dates from the Johnson Administration, and finally said fukkit. So, I’ve been the only person who can lift the heavy garage door, and that’s not exactly convenient…
Last night, for instance, I had to come home at 2:30 am and drag our trash cans to the curb — while wearing cruel shoes. And there was an inch or so of new snow on the driveway, so I was sliding all around. Dress shoes are like freakin’ skis on snow, and at one point my feet were moving in opposite directions, and I had no control over it.
I nearly did a full David Lee Roth split, in the dark of night, while holding a recycling bin full of milk cartons. Oh, the humanity!
I’m finally going to watch the season premier of LOST tonight. Toney couldn’t (wouldn’t) wait on me, so she’s already seen it. Her capsule review: too weird. What’s your two-word reaction to the first LOST of the new season? And please don’t ruin anything for me, with your two words. I’d be much obliged.
And I guess the winter Olympics are coming up? Is that correct? Hopefully NBC will take my advice this time, and offer a separate cable channel where they air nothing but the sob stories.
You know what I’m talking about, right? Every Olympics broadcast is now loaded, simply loaded, with tear-jerking backstories about the athletes, designed to inject additional reality show drama into the proceedings.
And I have a feeling there are plenty of people who would like to see nothing but those reports — without all the pesky athletic competition interrupting the flow of things.
“When Sven was seven years old he was diagnosed with a rare disease that makes it impossible for him to pronounce capital letters. This affected his self-esteem greatly, and he turned to the sport of horseback ski-jumping as an outlet…”
You know what I’m saying. I hope they have a channel where we can watch that stuff, round the clock.
And the garage door opener guy just left: biggest asshole I’ve met all week. Just an utter, full-on dick. Grrr… That didn’t help my already foul mood today, it really didn’t. But I can open the door now without exploding an ovary. So that’s good, I guess.
Sorry this one’s short and kinda late, but Mr. Personality had the electricity turned off in this section of the house for the past three hours. So there you go.
I don’t really have a related Question. I was going to ask whether you’ve ever REALLY gotten a good deal in a dollar store, or Big Lots, or one of those dumpy places. And you can go with that if you’d like. But frankly, I’m losing enthusiasm here…
I need to sign off, and go make sure there’s enough beer in the basement fridge. And I always know enough when I see it.
Have a great rest of the day, my friends.
I’ll be back soon. See ya then.
Filed under: Daily
Goodness Gracious!!
I lost enthusiasm in 1964. October I think
first loser!!!
4th!
I plead the 5th
Jeff. put down the sharp objects brother… the bad garage door man is gone now.
Hey kids, here’s a fun little Immature exercise.. replace “feet” with “dick”. What can I say, I’m 47 going on 12
I have been stabbity all day too! Must be something going around the interwebs…
woo hoo! top ten!
I once found a Retro alarm clock for $9 at Big Lots. It’s a 1940′s style Twilight Big Ben & gives off this cool yellowish glow at night. It says, “Made in China” on the back, so I worry that the glow is poisonous gas or something. I also worry that it will malfunction and catch fire while I sleep. All in all, I’m not sure it was such a great deal, you know…due to the worry involved.
I am 45. My enthusiasm vanished around 1989.
Two word LOST review-
Frickin’ Awesome!!
We (he goes) go to the Fambly Dollar every week for dog snacks. Dubious looking sometimes, but the dogs are still alive. All made in China. But then so are the ones at the Kroger, so whatever. What is THAT SMELL they all have? My little town is just eat up with Dollarish Stores–we gots the Dollar General, the Fambly Dollar, Fred’s or as I call it, Frets and the Maxway (stinkiest of all-I don’t go there.) For 10,000 people. Mercy.
Answer to today’s question: No.
Year I lost my enthusiasm: Probably around 1992. (Born in 1961.)
I’m a whole year behind on Lost which you nearly ruined by blabbing about the finale. You apologized of course and I accepted and everything is cool. Besides that, t-storm wrote a mockable last summer telling me and other johnny watch lately’s to STFU about being so far behind in our viewing responsabilities and bitching every time someone talks about a show or movie, so I’ll STFU.
http://mockable.org/friday-guest-mock-the-friend-who-hasnt-seen-the-movie-yet/
I steer clear of the dollar stores but my neighbors wife shops at them weekly. Mainly because she can save .56 on barbecue sauce and .13 on Pringles but to me it ain’t worth the extra trip. Maybe if they had Stone IPA $4.99 a six pack I’d make the journey, nah I’d push my Mom over for $4.99 Stone IPA!
3-hours to change out a garage door opener? No personality and very little talent apparently.
Can’t wait for Olympic curling! Yeah baby!
And buy some decent shoes you tight ass!
Spend some dough at a high end mens shoe store ($150+) and you can get dress shoes that will last 7-10 years of wear. I bought some awsome shoes in Boston once when my Rockport dress shoes suffered a catastrophic failure.
The expensive shoes were all I could find and it turns out there really is a quality difference. They’re some of the most comfortable shoes I own.
Lost premiere: Not watched.
As far as the garage door goes- replacing an opener takes an hour tops. I’m no NASCAR mechanic (although my dad was- built and tested engines for Richard Petty at Chrysler back in the mid-60′s but that’s not important right now) but I can and have replaced my own. It was really simple and straight forward. Gotta cowboy up one of these days.
I don’t shop in dollar stores, but I think my wife buys lead toys for The Peanut every now and then.
Two word LOST review –
Didn’t Watch
Lost starts up again
more interesting plot twists
Locke is the back cloud?
two word review? When’s Survivor? (kidding – was cool)
Oh my God! First! Really?
Garage door guy was probably just fucking with you. I’ve installed more than a few garage door openers and I rarely have ever had to shut the power off. Maybe twice that I can recall and that was for a max of 10 minutes or so to either switch out a socket or install a new circuit breaker.
As for deals in big lots or dollar general I find them occasionally. I bought some fairly decent luggage on clearance sale at big lots for less than 20 bucks. Seen the same exact bags in JC Penny and Target for nearly a hundred bucks.
I generally buy stuff like paper towels, soft drinks, chips, detergents and the like at my local dollar general. It’s cheaper than walmart and it is a 15 mile round trip to DG while the nearest walmart is about 100 miles round trip. Of course the king of cheap in my area of the country (besides mennonite/amish bulk stores) is Aldi food store. Limited selection with very few name brands. A no frills store with no shelves just the boxes stacked on pallets and you have to bag your own groceries. It makes walmart appear absolutely upscale.
And the bunker cam- Freaking crazy. Wouldn’t do that unless you had a large gun at the top and a check that is hauled in with a forklift at the bottom.
Two words for LOST (that apply to me, anyway): Be patient.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
I try to steer clear of discount dollar stores, especially when it comes to food items. There’s a reason why those name brand products are marked down and in those type of stores…there’s something wrong with them. Or it just may be my paranoia.
I have bought things like pens and notebooks. You really can’t screw up things like those. Oh, motor oil too. 99 cents is a bargain no matter what.
The missus seems to enjoy hitting the Big Lot. She’s into artsy/fartsy craft projects and knitting shit. She says it’s way less expensive than a regular craft store chain.
The guy was having some kind of trouble out there, I don’t know. He was bitching about the wiring, like I put it in. He can go fuck himself.
USB cables go for a dollar at Dollar Tree, and they work.
Bunker Cam: What the hell do you call the thingy the dude is attempting to jump into? I don’t know why but I must know the name of that contraption!
It’s always easiest to blame your incompetence on the wiring / plumbing / construction / last guy.
Lost: clarified murkiness
99¢ store find: Hebrew National 97% Fat Free Beef Franks, which are normally in the $5 range. Bought the remaining 11 packs for the freezer. I ain’t dead yet, nor have I experienced any bowel distress.
I hate all prepaid installation assholes (from places like sears, home depot, lowes),ALL car salesmen, dealership mechanics, No I don’t want you to replace the freaking air conditioner fluid?!? and the fat bitches at the Tag Agency.
I am short, and small and look about half my age. I actually had a car salesman ask me if I was doing a report for school when I was checking vins on a few used suvs back before carfax got really big. What a dick whistle.
I do but gourmet oil with an essence of garlic at Big lots for $3.50 a can. Anywhere else its $20.00 a can. Quite a deal.
Don’t pass out but Lost:
I’ve Never seen it!
Thats four words but I am certain it won’t ruin your show.
@Googly – I didn’t know there was a place left in America that was that far from a Wal-Mart.
I’ve never watched an entire season of any TV show. ADD I guess. Or low threshold of boredom.
Lost: Terr-ific.
I have some sound theories, man. LOVE that show!
Big Lots: Shark steam cleaner for floors and showers, etc.
Hey Jason, how is the new little baby you just brought home?
I’ve gotten a few deals at Big Lots. I always buy Christmas lights there. We use a real tree and when it’s time to throw it out I toss it to the curb, lights and all. It’s much easier that way – the lights cost about two bucks. Sometimes we also find great deals on German jams and coffee and stuff like that. My wife recognizes the good stuff and they’re always cheaper.
I don’t go to the Dollar store often. Last time I was there I noticed a lot of candy and snacks that were weird (blueberry pork rinds, catsup flavored popcorn, Snickers with sun dried tomatoes, etc).
I’ve never watched Lost. There’s a long list of popular shows I’ve never watched.
WB in OH ~ Its called an Empire life saving net, or a rescue trampoline, depends on who you ask.
Jeff – you should have put your shoes back on and the garage doorman wouldn’t have bothered you so much. Isn’t there some sort of saying that implies that if you put on shoes that are too small, the rest of your problems will disappear.
I don’t normally shop at the dollar store, except maybe for giftwrap or cards. I have friends that buy stuff there for their little kids though, good cheap entertainment. I did buy a few boxes of granola bars at a liquidation store once. I almost lost all my teeth.
The Olympic reference reminds me of the Nancy Carrigan footage that they have recently began haunting us with again do to her unfortunate family situation – why can’t they just put that crap to rest… I am actually quite embarassed for her when I see it.
Add me to the list of Surf Reporters who has never seen Lost.
The Dollar Store in the Mission had signs over the candy bar section that said:
Sneakers for $.50
Yep, they were selling Snickers. There is a heavy Latino population in the Mission, yes, and no, I’ve never bought anything there.
Good luck with the Podcast tomorrow, Jeff. I’m under the knife at 10:30 Pacific time. I’ll catch up wit yous on Monday.
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
Hey Alice in WV,
He’s doing great. Slept through the night last night and isn’t a cry baby. I need to picture of him with the smoking fish.
There are several pictures of him at hhsys.org
click on the baby pictures tab and search for babies born on feb 1st. He’s under his mother’s name “Melanie Y.” Just keep in mind that he was still wet when they took the pictures (new born babies aren’t very attractive) but he’s getting better looking by the day. Blonde hair and blue eyes. Thanks for asking about him!
two-word reaction to the first LOST – Don’t Care
LOST? STAY LOST.
As to LOST– What the ??!!##@@%%!!
Lost – Loc did it!
Being Director’s staff now, I wear button down shirts and jeans. No dress shoes, just a pair of slip-ons.
I get my dog her treats at the Dollar General. That’s about it. Oh and bar mops that I use to wash the boats and the Jeep.
Two-word LOST review: Smokey rules!
Lost? Redundant twist….
stabbity is my new favourite word!
I alway’s worry Hebrew national hot dogs are made up of the left over bits the Moyle leaves behind!
Lost-The Script!
Moyle Mohel what’s the difference the hot dogs taste the same!!
Lost. What’s that?
I am in agony. Had a 5 pound cyst removed from my heel today. I think the doctor cut out a hunk of flesh the size of a roll of half dollars. However, he did give me about a cup full of percocet. So, now I have a buzz and feel my heart beat in my foot.
Fellow Surf Reporters – I need some AOL Mail help. This is for my mother. Is there a way in AOL, when you reply to an email, that it ‘top posts’ or whatever it is called? Right now, it shows the original email in her reply, and then sets her cursor at the verry bottom of the screen. It takes many clicks and much aggrevation for her to scroll up and set the cursor at the top before she starts typing….please help….it’s a matter of someone’s life or death…
thank you very much
hardoxdan had toe surgery yesterday and got the same darvocet it sucks because you can’t drink with acetamynophen can you? liver damage and such. teeth and feet are killing me these days! i shop all of the discount stores Aldis…awesome! Save a lot.. awesome…. big lots got some really awesome travel bags for 5;00 bucks for unfortunate childrenand kept one for myself the best travel bag ever! also get all kinds of cool deals. just have to look for them!. Dollar store..cheap cookies for the linemen I work with, and the sundries are name brand and much cheaper.
@debra. You can’t drink on these pills?
Too late, I just polished off beer number 5.
Now you tell me. No wonder I am in orbit.
Does anyone have a black market liver for sale?
Congratulations Big and Little Jason!
To whom it may concern:
You can remove the acetaminophen from your pain pills using what’s called the “cold water extraction” process. The hydrocodone is very soluble in cold water while the acetaminophen isn’t. You just need some cold water and coffee filters to get the job done.
http://codeine.50g.com/info/extraction.html#ex.coldw
Do with that what you will.
Thanks Steve!
Jason, just checked out Jason’s pics. I’m sure you’re very proud of him! Congrats!
It is going to be wall-to-wall Olympics coverage up here. There hasn’t been enough snow for some of the venues, and they’re trucking it in from higher elevations.
I’m only interested in indoor events: curling, hockey, and speed skating. The short-track speed skating looks like NASCAR on ice, or the running of the bulls on ice.
T Farty, a fellow chemical connoisseur. I figured there were a few others here. Thanks.
Pagan — I lost my fear of foreskins years ago. You can eat almost anything if you convince yourself that it’s actually a side of bacon instead.
My two-word review: Didn’t see. But that’s because I’ve never seen the show at all.
Knucklehead, good luck on the table!
WB I appreciate the trackback.
I think 2 or 3 days is still ok. It’s the assholes who are like “Don’t tell me about Avatar, I haven’t seen it yet!”. Eat a big blue bag of dicks.
I think I had to deal with the garage door guy at work today. See, I’m an Engineer. It’s my job to tell the mechanics how to fix shit. Well I had to bother some shit stain for 5 seconds because I needed to know where a part was, that they fucked up. This was the transaction:
Me: Hey, I need to look at (part).
Shitbag: It’s over there! (Points)
Me: (Rolling my eyes and walking off) Thank’s for your help. (In the I’m never going back into Subway tone of voice).
Shitcomb: Wait, I’ll show you (Full 180 when he realized I don’t care for his brand of dickitude).
I’ve been here a year and that is the 4th time something like that has happened. My job is to fix what is fucked up and offer solutions. So don’t come to me with a problem and act like I just fucked your wife on your mom’s bed when I ask for more info.
Sorry for the rant, it’s been a long 3 days.
2 word review: Fuck Lost.
The olymipics? I may watch the speed skating shit for Stephen Colbert.
Best deal at a dollar store, condoms. Second best deal, baby food.
NP Jason Isbell – Dress Blues
Taken from a friends post on facebook, possibly the fingernails on the blackboard post of the day:
I KNOW RIGHT! LOL
Back when I sold shit on eBay I could get some awesome shit at Big Lots…..back when it truly was a closeout store and not just a “we carry cheaper crap made especially for us instead of the regular priced crap sold at other stores made by the same big manufacturers” store.
Selling closeout toys, collectibles and housewares bought from Big Lots, helped me pay off my mortgage.
But that was years ago.
I still go there but for cheap food now. A company changes a label and unloads all the old labeled cans to Big Lot….same product and still in date and I can get it for half price. Also pick up unusual flavors and such of name brand products that don’t sell as well but they over produced. But you have to be careful and check expiration dates and some of the food is not really marked down much and packaged for them and not closeouts so watch out!
They just had a 20% off coupon last week for buzz rewards customers and I filled my garage with 100% Ocean Spray juice for $1.60 a bottle. Try to get that at the grocery store for under $2.50 let alone under 2 bucks.
@ Chuck in Belpre
I live in the sticks. I’m in the same boat if I want to get fast food from a drive through. Nearest McDonalds, Bk Wendy’s etc is about 100 mile round trip.
Lost review: Double Time
I lost all enthusiasm in 1976 (I was also born in 1976)
I’m an avid Big Lots/Dollar Tree shopper. If you don’t care about name brands there are plenty of deals to be found. I generally get any kitchen utensils at the Dollar Tree (why bay five bucks for a pizza cutter? None of us are exactly Bill Oates.) Big Lots is a great place for cheap energy drinks. If you go to a grocery store or whatever a can of Gunt (or whatever) will run you $2-3. At Big Lots: 60 cents. I also found a huge display of SD cards and USB flash drives (4GB) for $13. $25 at the Office Depot next door.
And I second whoever mentioned Aldi above. Everything is some weird brand I’ve never heard of, but their generics are generally pretty good. (I’m a big fan of their frozen pizzas).
Friday morning update from the great wet Pacific Northwest by the numbers:
1) Jeff, I think I have appropriately conjoined the topics and identified your foot problem. Someone came close in an earlier comment, but here it is: STOP BUYING YOUR FUNERAL SHOES AT THE DOLLAR STORE. I had to wear a suit on my last job and run from meeting room to engineering control room to my office to a board meeting. Nobody noticed or complained that my “black dress shoes” were Rockport Rocksports walking shoes. One key is wearing an outrageous tie to devert attention to the paunch. Last time I checked, Rocksports went for $120-$150. The best money I ever spent.
2) If Gretchen checks in later: how was the MRI? Not the results, which you won’t get until next week most likely, but the experience. Hope it wasn’t too bad.
3) Hebrew National is a brand of ConAgra Foods, Inc. (NYSE:CAG). Hebrew National, founded in 1905 by Isadore Pinckowitz (last name later changed to Pines) is part of a multinational corporation that has been investigated multiple times by the Justice Department and found to be guilty of “product dumping” and several other slimy business practices. To be fair, all Hebrew National products ARE kosher which does mean something, but you might want to check on exactly what it means. In Hebrew National’s slogan, “We Answer to a Higher Authority”, that authority is now ConAgra Foods Inc.
3) Of course you can drink when you take Tylenol. If you take Tylenol and drink a bucket every day, you’ll probably need a new liver sometime around when The Mick did: maybe 60 or so. However, if you just take Tylenol once in a while, slug as much booze down as you’d like, with all the responsibilities that go with that. If you need to take opiates with any frequency, you can ask for Norco (10 mg hydrodocone + 325 mg Tylenol) rather than the regular Vicodin 5/500 that’s usually prescribed. If you need Percocet, that’s just oxycodone with Tylenol. Oxycodone, unlike hydrocodone, is available with NO Tylenol in 5 mg tabs. In any case, unless you guzzle a LOT of alcohol and Tylenol, a few beers won’t hurt your liver, but probably will impair your driving.
4) I have never found shoes or anything else at the Dollar Store that I found worth buying. It’s not a snob thing: I like to shop at GoodWill. It’s just that huge store of crap from China that even Superman can’t see through because of all the lead.
Good night and good luck…
jtb
CHECK THIS LINK
I was searching to find out who the hell Bill Oates is (the guy who we’re all not, according to The Dave [just above]), and I thought he might be somehow connected to Hall and Oates or Oates and Barley. Instead, I found this peculiar blog which you should read. I think they’ve been poaching from our host. It’s just really freakin’ weird.
http://billoates.blogspot.com/
I suspect Jeff has some kind of legit gripe with them, but what’s the law in blogsville? They only go back to 2006, so obviously, they found Jeff’s writing through Deadwood or Mike Piazza or something and decided to lift characters whole hog or, less obviously, there is a parallel Earth orbiting on exactly the other side of the Sun and enanden are there or in both places. As the Firesign Theater says, “How can you be in two places at once when you’re really nowhere at all?”
jtb
I saw that the previously dead Blitz Krieg is the last comments poster in the 2006 blog.
Last week, I developed a stress fracture in my right foot and could hardly walk at all. I never realized how important feet were for my jobs. Good luck with the cedar feet.
I have never seen lost either. Can’t get past that fat guy with the beard, AKA the death of “Becker”.
I think Olympics should be pay per view, and then NBC would see exactly HOW many people really give a shit about them.
On IPOD right now- “I Stand Alone”- Godsmack
Oh yeah, and good lookin’ kid there Jason. Congrats. He looks aggrevated. Nine months in the place all the guys want to get back to and then being removed will do that to ya.
two word lost recap – zombie pirates.
LOST: Never saw it. Never wanted to.
We have to be a little more “dressed up” than casual dress on Monday’s for the pretentious cosmetic patients coming in for consultations. “Yes, honey, go with the larger implants. That way, your sour puss and 80′s hairdo will go completely unnoticed.” Sorry…in a mood too. Anyway, what I was getting at is that I have to really watch the shoes I wear that day. I am on my feet virtually all day. I know what its like to go home with bloody stumps. But I can’t take my shoes off until I get home otherwise they will never go back on.
I LOVE Big Lots. Great for greeting cards, candles, off-beat boxed, canned, and jarred foods you can’t find anywhere else. Holiday decorations are cheap as hell too.
Not into the Dollar Store much. Although when I have gone it’s mainly for cleaning supplies.
The best Big Lots deal I ever got:
Way back in the day when the wife and I were hardcore Pez collectors, we were always on the search for good Pez or Pez-related items to add to our collection or to be used for trade bait. I found some Pez jigsaw puzzles at Big lots for something like $1.50 each, so I picked a few up. Turns out that the puzzles had been taken off the market for copyright violation because Pez never granted the permission for the Pez name, likeness, logo, etc., to be used, and the manufacturers were forced to stop producing them. The puzzles became very collectible among the Pez community. Another couple who were good friends of ours and fellow Pez collectors (as well as the world’s largest GG Allin fans – that combination sure threw the book-cover-judges off track) scoured every Big Lots store in WV and Ohio and probably bought about 100 of them in all. I sold all mine of ebay for $25.00 each, as well as trading for other items. Not a bad profit margin on my original $1.50 investment…
Back to the garage door thread, but I am thinking your house must be made different(demographics and all). Not worse, but different.
Because in these here parts, a new garage door opener, at least in our home plugs in to an electrical outlet, on the ceiling above said opener. Is this normal, or did a fix it man live here before us?? My hubby changed ours in say, half an hour. It might take me 3 hours, but I am short.
I hate dress shoes, and plan to go thru life in Nikes, Levis Jeans(make my butt still look cute and perky) hanes tshirts(kinds see thur, element of sexiness) and a sweatshirt of some kind. perfection. but not sloppy or dirty, just comfly. later!!
spelling…above “kinda see thru”
JTB: The spinal MRI isn’t until Tuesday. The neurologist visit was yesterday. I passed the physical exam with flying colors and the doc said she was “positive”. Then she went to go look at my brain scan and came back looking freaked out, just like my regular doc did. I’m starting to think that the brain lesions spell out the mark of the devil or something. Right this minute a contingency of Vatican-ninjas are slowly making their way over here to perform secretive and painful rites to keep Beelzebub at bay. Which I think I might prefer to another MRI.
As for Lost, I got three words for ya: What’s on ESPN?
Never scored anything at Big Lots either. All the ones I’ve been to were barely above Marshall’s in the hierarchy of dumpy discount stores.
Gretchen,
Thanks for the update. Hope you can try the Xanax and the music. Perhaps “The Vatican Rag” by Tom Lehrer, or “I Put a Spell on You” by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins. Only my opinion, but it would be good for Hubby to drive you, both to allow you to down a couple pills and to get used to being part of the process. Things that are scary alone are less so with support. That’s my experience anyway. I shall hope for the best for you.
jtb
Carla-Thanks.
Jason-As Gary Burbank and the boys of the BBC used to say; “Cute Kid!”
Never dreamt that when I got to work this morning I would learn the secret of seperating acetaminophen from hydrocodone. Not sure when I may need this info but it’s sure nice to have, just another example of why this thing is so much more than a blog.
Casey J-Your garage door is wired the way I would guess 99% of all garage doors are wired, a cord and plug into a ceiling mounted receptacle. Also I don’t want to sound creepy but you painted an image above that I felt compelled to add a baseball cap with a ponytail out the back. hubba bubba!
Knucklehead – good luck! speedy recovery!
hardoxdan – cripes! I won’t be able to walk for the sympathy pains I’ll have for you now. shit!
Jason – cute baby pics. way cute
Gretchen – the Xanax helps fo sho. Makes me too sleepy afterwards to do much of anything, but helps me get through MRIs and dental procedures. Good luck Tues.
I’ve been to Gabriel Brothers a couple of times. They sell clothing at 70% off. There is a reason for that of course. Dirty, mis-sized, one leg on jeans shorter than the other, buttons that don’t line up with the button holes on shirts. Things like that. If you want to look through rack after rack you can find some real bargains. Sorry…I have the male shopping gene. I can’t do that. I found a display of Nike shoes that were $25 or so, retail about $90. But they had NO padding in the shoe or any arch support at all, none. Just flat on the bottom. Looked great though. But I would be limping within 2 minutes. I passed on them. Did buy some underwear though. Hard to mess those up.
Little Jason has big hands. That’s a good thing: It means he’ll never be a carny.
Thanks JTB and Alice. I’m gonna need it for dental procedures also (due to get a crown soon).
Good luck Knucklehead!!
I love me some Gabriel Brothers! but you definitely have to be patient. As a matter of fact, I need to make a Gabriel’s run soon – I need a new comforter. Mine was ruined by the dog a while back and I’ve been getting by with quilts and my little boys Buzz Lightyear unzipped sleeping bag.
should have written “my little boy’s”
grrrr
Hey johnthebasket (re: your 6:36 a.m. post), what makes you think it wasn’t Jeff that stole the whole Nancy ‘n’ Nostrils idea from Bill Oates? You don’t really believe that Eninen are really Jeff’s relatives, do you? I happen to know Bill Oates, and have met his sister-in-law Nancy and her big-nostriled husband (his name is Stanley, by the way), so I know Bill’s stories on his blog are the real deal. Bill kinda got discouraged that Jeff stole the idea, so he stopped updating his blog in 2007. But since then, Bill has gotten over it, and he actually reads the WVSR and enjoys the direction Jeff has taken those characters. Bill is pleased that Jeff has even taken the concept as far as a novel, and Bill hopes that the novel gets published and is successful. So, Bill has no hard feelings about the character-theft, and he says he might re-start the “Eatin’ Eggs” blog after Jeff’s book gets published, so that Bill can chronicle the “real” N&N, even while Jeff continues developing the fictional versions of those characters.
I found canned okra gumbo at a dollar store in the mountains once; bought a few cans and should have bought more. It was a regional brand from the South, probably was pulled out of a wrecked tractor trailer and sold on the sly locally. Also bought a $1 hibachi style grill that is now beat to shit from all the camping trips it’s been on, but it still soldiers on. I’ll retire it one day.
Chuck, you should have seen the original Gabriel Brothers store — before they were a chain. That place would make a current-day Wal-Mart look like a high end retailer. The locals would fight over clothes and steal stuff from each others carts. The whole place was wood paneled and the clothes were just thrown in big wooden bins, not sorted by size nor on hangars. You’re right, the shit there is kinda off but once in a while you find something worthwhile. I buy all my socks there — high end wool hiking socks for winter that normally sell for $8 a pair can be had for a buck or two.
damn it WB!
how dare you bring up gary burbank? I bought an xm radio just so i could listen to his last week when i was working in vagina, onancock, vagina.
eddie and tracy just don’t hold a candle to gilbert gnarley (g n a r l e y).
come down to cincy this weekend,i’ll buy you a burger (beer)
np the saps – radio
Swami,
Your mom did a nice job of naming you — your swami-like wisdom always causes me to step up my game. However, there are at least two possible explanations you omitted to detail:
1) While I , of course accept your eyewitness account of Stanley and Nancy, there could be another Nostrils (Keith in the book) and Nancy who live quite similar lives and have nearly-see-through children. Nearly 42 million people voted for Mike Dukakis in 1988, and perhaps we’ve found four of them rather than just two.
2) Nostrils and Nancy could be the same people, sharing two different families. They move around a lot, and when they’re not visiting Jeff, perhaps they’re visiting Mr. Oates. Bill might be accusing Jeff falsely though innocently. Eninen might simply travel around North America staying with “relatives” year-round.
There are other possibilities, considerably less likely than those above. We live in a mysterous world. There are more things in heaven and earth, Swami, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
I postulate these other scenarios, unlikely as they are, because it is even more unlikely, in my mind, that Jeff would make up (or borrow) such fantastic characters. Hell, I bought a t-shirt from him and he gave me the correct change. I think. Jeff is an honorable man, so are they all, all honorable men.
Thanks, though, for opening my eyes to further possibilities, and for your valuable, eyewitness testimony.
My best wishes,
jtb
JTB – After working for a Wall Street firm for a number of years, I am well-versed in slimy business practices across a wide spectrum of industries. The job made me a cynic and a pessimist, and a proponent of increased gov’t regulation. (My former employer was one of the companies that stood to gain the most by the repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act. I didn’t agree with it then – despite my employer’s attempts to rally support for the cause – and I certainly don’t agree with it now.) Most big companies do not make boatloads of money because they do the right thing. On the contrary, they push the boundaries until the Feds decide that they’ve gone way too far. Until the Feds have the resources to deal with all the slimy business practices out there, I will eat my Hebrew National hot dogs and turn a blind eye, knowing that unless I personally know the local butcher who provided my lunch and can vouch for his/her character, I’m likely consuming the product of someone’s misdeeds.
I just came by looking for the podcast.. I have been a podcast maniac lately. Guest on two shows.
Looking forward to hearing yours and the questions you answer. NO PRESSURE!
I take a Xanax before I go to the DMV now. It’s almost kinda enjoyable-I recommend it to everyone.
Oh yeah, LOST review:
No Cable
Lost = Watched Thrice
Brynhildr,
Yeah, I worked in the Investment Management business for 11 years and I, too, disagreed with my senior management about Glass-Steagall. Your exposition of surviving in a corporate culture is pithy and demonstrates a keen understanding of how we corporate types who want to “do the right thing” are torn and eventually become cynical. I have steadfastly remained a bit of a cynical optimist, partly by getting the hell off Wall Street, and partly by actively campaining for candidates who favor additional oversight of corporate entities in volitile market sectors. But you said it better. One source of my optimism is bright, articulate people like you who can explain to “civilians” that regulation isn’t socialism. Thanks for that nice piece of writing.
Best wishes,
John
JTB — Each time I’ve discussed increased regulation and/or oversight with anyone lately, I’ve been accused of being a lazy, inept socialist with a sense of entitlement, though I’m really rather middle-of-the-road and, I think for the most part, reasonable. (OK, part of the problem was that I ended up on a friend’s “Reactionary” email discussion list and was thrust into the lion’s den. And being opinionated and lacking self-control didn’t help either.) Thank you for not glomming on.
I’m in love with the girl who works at the store, but I’m nothing but a customer.
Man, the dollar store near my house had a big sign for a while that said they had Bugle Boys for sale. I can’t believe that. When I was in middle school back in the 80s, those things were going like hotcakes and I’m sure they cost at least $25 or $30.
JTB and Brynhildr, back to the dick jokes please.
I wrote this joke last night:
Did you hear Toby Keith got arrested for fucking a cow? When the cops showed up he was singing “I love this barn”.
Feedback please.
Going home for the day. Can’t wait around for the update, so have a great weekend my invisible friends.
And GO COLTS!!!!
Wait – you can buy cans of Gunt?
I need to get out of the house more.
t-storm — Toby Keith references are lost on me and I don’t have any dick jokes to share at the moment. However, I did read something this morning relating to dicks — please see the second question and especially the answer:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35239145/ns/health-sexual_health/
I find the word “deglove” especially disturbing.
Just bought a $90 camera bag for $25 at the NC Flea Market in Raleigh. Must be a second, but I can’t see anything wrong with it. What a deal!
BH,
I wish toby keith refs were lost on me. Being in the great state of OKC I work 5 miles from his hometown (Moore, OK) and drink near his restaurant (Toby Keith’s, I love this bar and grill).
He can suck a bag of cow dicks as far as I’m concerned.
@Brynhildr – I wish I hadn’t read that. Mine usually points to Polaris but if it starts edging toward Mecca I don’t know what I will do.
Two dicks walk into a crowded joke….one dick says…”Wanna just stand up?”….
…-d
(I just spent $152.00 at amazon, Jeff… enjoy the beer nuts)
So degloving… another thing I’ve learned in the last week that I wish I had not. But, why do they have to SHORTEN one side… can’t they make the other side LONGER to straighten things out? Does it turn the unit into something with bumps for increased stimulation?
(90 some odd comments between my first comment and this one and I get back in to the conversation when T Storm turns the focus back to dicks… )
Glom and pithy used in the same conversation – nicely done!
the convo seemed to be getting serious or something. A dickjoke move had to happen. Or we can talk about naked chicks or midgets or the US Marshalls who are current;y outside my office window doing a prisoner transfer A la Con Air.
And dto scores triple points for being a heterosexual male telling a dick joke with homoerotic undertones. Excellent!
homoerotic? Uniformly erotic?
Jeff, up here in the northern tippy-tip of WV the Dollah Store is the closest place to shop. We’ve got a general store but there’s a lot of stuff they can’t carry. Just today I was at SuperMegaLowMart, about 20 minutes away, and they wanted $6.39 for planters I can get at Dollah Store for $4. I’ll admit there was a time that you wouldn’t have caught me dead in there but those days are gone. It’s actually kinda amusing too because the alternative lifestyle lady in charge there has a lady-cop admirer who stops by and flirts.
What was the question?
t-storm-I wish I could join you for a beer this weekend but I’m going curling tomorrow if we can get the pond cleaned off and by then I’ll be too drunk to negotiate the 100 miles of I-75. I need to get to the Party Source here shortly to restock the liquor cabinet so maybe I can multi-task in the future. Also,
Cows don’t have dicks.
Con Air was awesome despite Nick Cage being an assrabbit.
Eddie and Tracy would be bearable if they took Tracy and hurled him off the Bent-Spence bridge with concrete shoes and replace him with cedar post.
The whole Bill Oates thing has me freaked out. I’ve only been here for a year and now I don’t know what to believe. Where is the world headed when you can no longer be sure of what you read on the internets.
Hey kids, I just wanted to chime in with a huge congrats to Jason! Looks like you really beat T Farty this time…no way HE could make a kid that cute!
Don’t talk to me about The Olympics I am right smack dab in the middle of all that mess. Vancouver is turning into a police state and the amount of $$ being thrown around by our government is mind boggling. I didn’t realize every single person who has anything to to with this thing had to be outfitted in head to toe Olympic “outfits” and walk around with lanyards around their necks. I also didn’t know that every other car on the streets would be a brand new car plastered with Olympic stickers with only one passenger and the ability to drive through roadblocks. They have taken every single parking spot around my business away already and the stupid thing doesn’t even start until next week. I can’t even park in front of my house with my company car because it’s registered to a different address. Vancouverites are so freaked out about all the road closures and lack of parking spaces that they are staying home in droves. I am very close to the Olympic Curling Rink, maybe those people will come and shop in my store? The whole thing is just stressing me out. None of this has one blessed thing to do with the athletes. I only hope we survive this thing and aren’t forced out of business by VANOC and the IOC.
Wish me luck?
I’ve done 75 drunk so I know the trepidation.
The party source is 1/2 mile walk from my house. I’ll be hitting it this weekend.
ms.barbarajane, AWG is right! if they put the crap on pay per view 6 people around the world would watch! On the Bright side the Hookers get rich and Steven Colbert shows up!
Just received an invitation to a Superbowl party with the caption: “Eat shit and Die!” Sunday at Rob & Julies! Gotta love it!
t-storm: What does Touchdown Jeebus look like when flying by under the influence?
Ms. Barbarajane: Good luck! Hope you at least get some crazy business out of the deal.
Gretchen,
It didn’t exist when I regularly drove that stretch loaded. I lost that job in Dec 2001, Jesus arose from the living waters in September 04. Possibly as a 9/11 tribute?
Jeff this is Serious!
You are like PBS you entertain me almost daily (& when you don’t my fellow reporters do!) I pay you absolutely nothing! But I expect a very high standard! I’m not saying I’m ready to drink the cool aid yet but I have built a yurt in the backyard! (perhaps it’s because i was born with British teeth and thanks to Mountain Dew West Virginia is a place where I might just fit in.) Then along comes BillOates! Is this like never seeing Latoya & Michael at the same time? a Doppelganger? a relative who attends the same functions?,an alter ego? Enquiring minds need to know!
Hey Ms BJ, What street’s your store on? I frequently work in dt Vcr and it is a disgrace to get around on without the Olympics. I am currently not working there at the moment, but have a condo up in Squamish that is rented out until late spring. I don’t have plans to get back up there until the parade has come and long gone. I’m not one to watch sporting events but I’m sure the ambience is great (if your not a venting vendor). Can’t imagine what the congestion will be, I’ve found going to English Bay for the fireworks competition amongst the gazillion spectators brings out the worst cloustraphobe in me.
t-storm: Actually I think they just built him as a tribute to how much money they could bilk from their flock. I drove past him when we were heading down to Cincy for this past Thanksgiving and he was looking mighty dirty from all the car exhaust.
For those of you curious as to what in the holy hand grenade we’re talking about, here ya go: http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/9786
Of course he’s dirty, haven’t you heard he has blood on his hands?
t-storm: Badump-ching!
Hey Gretchen,
You sound upbeat – feeling well? I know you were undergoing a procedure today. Sorry if this was covered already.
Aaaahhh, Gretchen, t-storm – I was wondering if you were talking about big, butter Jesus. Checked the link (thanks!) and you were.
I like MC 62 ft jesus. Or the ever popular “what the fuck is that?”.
Anyone remember when on the treehouse of horror all of the ads came to life. If I’m ever driving by and see that thing step out of the water I’m just going to keep on driving turn east on 70 and camp out in Pittsburgh. I figure I’m safe there because even Jesus hates the steelers.
Yeah, I used to call him “Butter Pat Jeebus”, until he got real dirty. Also “Attack of the 62 Foot Jeebus”. I already escaped to Pittsburgh in case such a thing like that should happen, t-storm (“Just don’t look, just don’t look!”).
Not Oprah: Actually, Vatican-ninjas are after me (see well above). But the blizzard has waylaid them so for right now, I’m just trying to live in the moment.
Gretchen – thx, you have great spirit.
WVSR – is so educational. I haven’t been to Ohio (really can’t think of a reason to go), but If I drove by Butter Pat Jeebus – I’d be totally freaked (probably not really). Good to know he’s there though.
Thanks to everyone for their kind comment and good wishes for little Jason (guess I’ll have to find a new nickname for my penis).
Special thanks to WB in OH for repeatedly using the word “assrabbit”. I love you man.
What’s the deal with Bill Oates? I don’t get it – must’ve missed something.
The newbies have discovered “Eatin’ Eggs,” Farty, and it’s blowin’ their minds.
“Bill Oates is a very busy man, but I’ll try to update this site more often. Things came to a crackpot head later that same day, and I’ll tell you all about it next time. Until then….”
But of course, there was no “next time.” So sad. So sad.
Swami Bologna,
ohhhh. Forgot about “eatin’ eggs”. Thanks for clearing that up. We’re eating prime rib on bed trays right now. Having a woman around who feels entitled to “cravings” is heaven.
not oprah —
cloustraphobe — “Morticia, I just love it when you speak French”.
That’s really a cool word. The only significant French influence in the country I live in was New Orleans, and being populated by Crackers and Black people, when it got wet we just let it go…
The river rose all day
The river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood
Some people got away alright
The river have busted through clear down to Plaquemine
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangelne
Louisiana, Louisiana
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
They’re tryin’ to wash us away
.
Bill Oates didn’t live there, but most of a million people did. Fats Domino lived in the Borough and we just let him go. With all the brothers and sisters. Kind of criminal, it was. Lafayette i am here. Now stop looting. Sometimes I feel like a country-less child.
jtb
jtb
Thanks for the po-leesing stormy, but I guess I’ll write what I want to. With all respect.
Brynhildr – There has to be a way for reasonable people to live in this country without having to choose between criminality (legal, moral or spiritual) and leaving the corporate world. You are not alone, and, without reference to gender, I capitulate to stormy about your 110%.
OK, I’m done with that for now. Resume dick jokes if that’s what yanks your chain.
jtb
Of course, that should be “…in the streets of Evangeline”. Bad typing, bad editing.
Lost-Lost me after season two. I’ve been able to find some usable foodstuuffs and a handy pair of kitchen shears at our local dollar tree store,
Vets,
Just before the dick jokes resume, I submit that you got me fair and square on “eatin’ eggs”. It is clever and, though I latched on to the WVSR sometime in the mid-aughts, I probably got distracted for material periods of time until I messed up my back and got actual time to peruse.
NIce job, Jeff. Without the attributed comments on Eatin’ Eggs, I probably would have stuck to the two Earth theory and wondered who was in the Superbowl on the other one. Who dat?
Oh, my. “Who dat” dates right smack back to Paul Laurence Dunbar who wrote the lyrics to “Who Dat Say Chicken In dis Crowd”. Derivation is as much art as science, but that’s as close as Wikipedia can come, and as close as I can come.
Those who can read and haven’t read Dunbar might.
jtb
jtb – drink much? or just adhddhhdddhdddhd?
np the thermals – now we can see.
see you tomorrow cincinnati.
stormy,
Don’t drink and haven’t since the first Clinton administration. Sufficiently focused to read Paul Laurence Dunbar. Really intended no offense.
now playing:
right can: Thank You for Letting Me be Myself Again – Sly and the Family Stone
left can: We Gotta Get Out of This Place – The Animals
I cherish my Dad’s Uncle Remus side as much as my Mom’s Grandpa Jack side.
jtb
- 30 -
none taken. wanted to make sure you weren’t either. the whole sarcasm doesn’t work on the internet thing. i figure we are all pretty much the same jack ass on here, with variations for flavor.
since clinton, eh? i didn’t start drinking till his second.
19 inches of snow made for an interesting ride to work this morning.
wb…thank you for the compliment…I think. lol. That is me to a T..I am half tomboy, or maybe a lesbian, I haven’t decided yet. Just found out we are getting the biggest tax refund in the history of forever, and still just get to pay stuff off. boo. flippen hoo. I suggested wiring out money to an off shore bank and declaring bankruptcy, but that was not an option. bummer.
Hey all of you easterners…how the hell is that snow treating you!! crap..the Weather Channel busted out the Orange areas(orange you say?) which I guess means more than 3 inches an hour. dont’ kill yourselves out there, and have a little fun.
‘claustrophobe’ – I knew I made a spelling error, but don’t correct them if I think the jist of what I’m saying comes across. What of it.
I once bought complete awareness at the dollar store. But I lost it. Frankly it was overrated.
The weather? Oh, we were originally forecast to get 3-6″ here in the ‘Burgh. Then the pod people meteorologists kept raising it, and raising it, and raising it. So now we have almost two feet out there. Way to go, pod people! Just so you know, it’s not as impressive when your forecast is concurrent to the actual weather event.
Now, I realize you peeps back East (including my family and friends) are getting more than two feet, but you guys knew it was coming at least. Meanwhile, despite the state of emergency and the desperate condition of the roads, the malls out here will open at 2. So, essential workers and pissed off sales clerks will be forging through all this crap. Shitbags. (Can you tell I used to work retail?)
To all my fellow Surf Reporters caught up in the storm: take care and Godspeed. We need to keep the snark at full blast around here, so no one is allowed to be eaten by a snow drift or conked on the head by a falling branch.
And here’s some Further Evidence for all snowbound Surf Reporters (and non-snowbound Reporters who happen to be home, of course):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_pS46YRMIQ&feature=player_embedded
What happens at the 1:14 mark, should probably be banned.
Gretchen The funny thing is (Particularly when you check out the neighbourhood!) Zeff side are white South Africans-the people who invented Apartheid to keep them seperate from the “undesirables” WTF!
To all you guys suffering through the Blizzard! Bring on Global Warming buy a Hummer today!
Pagan: As near as I can tell the dude is South Africa’s version of “Ali G”. I know it’s fake, but it’s still so fucked up. And funny.
And for the record, that gymnastic penis encased in Pink Floyd boxers should still be banned from the planet. I’m not gonna be able to look at the “Dark Side of the Moon” album cover right ever again.
Good God Gretchen!
Two dicks walk into a karaoke joke. One dick says…”Can you sing?’…other dick says…”No, but I can whistle.”
…-d