Fifteen Minutes of Action/Adventure
A few days ago I walked up to an ATM machine, punched in my PIN number, and etc. I told the thing I wanted twenty bucks, and it gave me two tens.
Usually it spits out twenties, but this time it was two tens. Huh. Was it out of larger bills, I wondered? Or did they reprogram it for some reason? And if they reprogrammed it, why? What’s their angle on this? How are they benefiting?
These are the kinds of things I think about all day.
Then I went to Subway, ordered a twelve-inch BMT on white bread (I refuse to call it Italian), with lettuce, tomato, onions, and green peppers.
“No dressings?” the sandwich engineer asked, disapprovingly.
“No, because I can’t trust you. I wouldn’t mind a little mustard, but you’d go to town with it and completely ruin my lunch. Oh, I’ve been around, pal, and know how these things go. You Subway folk don’t know moderation when it comes to the sauces and whatnot. So I’d rather just go without, than to eat a goddamn foot of mustard,” I said inside me head.
“No,” I said out loud.
He removed his hand prophylactics and tried to sell me all manner of add-ons: drinks, cookies, chips, possibly a cantaloupe (I can’t remember). I rejected them all, and he rang me up.
“Do you have a Subway Club card?” he wanted to know.
“No I don’t, because I am a man. I’d rather put a bullet through my head than to carry around a membership card for a sandwich club. Seriously, I can’t think of anything douchier. Real men, with actual balls, don’t join submarine sandwich consortiums,” I said inside my head.
“I think I left it at home,” I said out loud.
“Remind me next time, and I’ll get you caught-up. …This’ll be $6.38,” he said.
I handed him one of the tens, and 62 cents rolled down a curved chute and came to rest in a container at the bottom. Apparently it was going to be up to me to scoop up my own change? And isn’t that kind of rude? It’s one step above just throwing it in the floor.
The guy was telling me how I could use my Subway Club points to get free food, or if I let them build up over time I could get things like mp3 players, etc. He said I should check out their website when I get home, and I lied and told him I would.
Toney wanted me to pick up something at the grocery store, so I went there next. And when I got to the self-checkout (I now go out of my way to avoid living, breathing cashiers) I realized the Subway dude didn’t give me my three dollars. All the change I’d received was what came down the coin flume.
Grrr…
There was something, deep inside my brain, that told me the same guy had almost “forgotten” my change once before. I couldn’t remember it clearly, but I sorta recalled him becoming extra-talkative during the ringing-up process, and nearly “forgetting” to give me my folding money.
I’m going back there, I decided. No way I’m allowing someone to scam me in such an old-school Paper Moon manner. Those three dollars — my three dollars — are probably already inside his pocket, I knew, and this caused steam to come blasting from my ears.
I power-walked to the car, preparing for battle. I’d either be leaving that sandwich shop with my money, or in handcuffs.
Then I had to wait until a Civil War veteran backed his Buick LeViathan from a parking space at 1 mph, and finally, eventually got out of my way. Maybe he was preoccupied with his musket, I don’t know.
And there was a mini-traffic jam near the front of the store, because lazy bastards stop their cars there and load their groceries. “The parking spaces are right over there!” I want to yell. “You seriously can’t walk another ten yards?”
I nearly ran over a woman with her head cocked to one side, holding a cell phone between her shoulder and ear. She’d darted in front of my car, but gave me a dirty look. And so it goes.
After I negotiated that particular cluster, I realized I’d now have to wait for the world’s longest red light, and somehow cross a non-stop parade of traffic to enter the Subway parking lot. What a gigantic hassle.
I drove the length of the driveway leading to the stoplight, thinking about my upcoming “conversation” with the sandwich artists. And I could hear the manager: “I’ll have to wait until I close out this cash register, sir, to see if we’re over by three dollars. I’d be glad to take your phone number, and call you,” and so on.
And at the very last second, before I had to commit to my planned course of action, I turned right on red and headed home.
Screw it. It’s only three dollars.
Now playing in the bunker
Filed under: Daily
1st
Effin A!!
I was in Subway the other day and I noticed what someone said (you, I think) about them using their gloved hands to do everything they’d do with non gloved hands. And what’s the point? So I skipped my lettuce sandwich for a steak at Waffle House.
Fore!!!
you should have gone back – it’s the principle, not the amount!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
I’m torn as to what JK did was right or not. On one hand, money is money, regardless of the amount, but on the other hand, the sandwich artist would probably end up denying he short changed anyone and then an argument would ensure, and Jeff would be all animated and his blood pressure rocketing skywards and possibly having a mini stroke or a grand mal seizure and….
fuck it, it’s only three dollars
Those three bucks are considered supplemental income to the United Sandwich Workers Union. The workers are entitled to it under Section 114.386(g) of their bylaws.
Jeff,
You are right. That friggin’ red light lasts at least 3 1/2 hrs. and not one damn second less!
Just eight.
the sandwitch artist by my house is always so high he’ll give me $20 change when I give him $5 on a $7 sandwitch.
whatever.
At least it’s not a blimpie’s.
those give me rocketass!
Yea, three bucks is three bucks. I had that happen to me at Mickey D’s, once. I gave this girl a twenty, and only got change for a ten. It was obvious that she was in training from the local sheltered workshop, and apparently, they hadn’t done the “Count from one to twenty for me” training module, yet. I complained right then and there. No waiting or going back. Deny, deny, deny. “No, you only gave me a ten.” It took four or five days, then I got a call from the manager that the register checked out OK. Fine. The tard screwed me out of ten bucks.
I had heard about Firehouse Subs and until today, I had never eaten one. The ad says for $5 and change, you can get a Hook and Ladder sub with all the toppings and a hot sauce. I was semi-erect at the thought of a toasted sub with hot sauce, so I went there at lunch. I asked Rosario Espinosa, the cashier, if I could get the same sub they advertised on the radio. She said “Ray-dee-oh?”, and it all went downhill from that point. I pointed at the sign, which is the proper way to order in Floriduh, and she said Five, five, five. I looked at the register and it was indeed, 5.55. Then, I watched in horror as the sandwich maker, Luis Guzman (I had just watched the movie “Waiting” again last night) came out, without the hand prophylactics, and began to construct my sub. By the end, the goddamn thing was the size of an ear of corn. Lamenting the fact that I could have gotten the John Holmes at Subway, compared to the Pat Boone at Firehouse, I saw that the hot sauces were there for my own applying, in a rack. I had to unwrap the tiny sandwich and apply my own hot sauce. Choosing the finest Habenero pepper sauce I could find, I took off the lid, expecting a shaker hole, as in soy sauce. Instead, there was not shaker and I shook the bottle upside down on my snackwich, coating it like one would coat their meatloaf with ketchup, making the sandwich uneatable by hand. I had to grab a fork and take it back to my desk to eat it. Never again will I cheat on Subway for a more trendy sub.
On IPOD right now- “God is a Bullet”- Concrete Blonde
Short and sweet but fucking funny. My ass puckered as I read real men don’t carry sandwich cards. Thank God you didn’t mention pizza cards I think I currently have 3 of those from various stores.
I’d have to say you made the right decision, as pissed as you or any of us would be but once you left the store it’s just gonna be a cluster fuck to convince the sandwich engineer or his superior that you have 3 bucks coming back to you. Fuck’em, you can’t buy a decent pint for 3 bucks.
And lest I forget, happy fucking birfday Jason!
A classic WVSR post today. JKay’s misery is our mirth.
My daughter likes Subway. I do not.
It took me a while to figure out the correlation, but Subway sandwiches make me itchy a short time after I consume one.
So, I went to their website and discovered that all of their lunch meats contain large amounts of MSG.
I discovered several years ago that I am allergic to that shit. How I figured it out was one Chinese restaurant that had really good food resulted in an itchy red rash on my stomach, arms, legs, etc. Another Chinese restaurant with average food did not affect me. And the So-So Chinese place had a huge sign that reads “We do not use MSG.”
I get a bit wore out with all the cards. Although, I have an original Kroger(s) Card. The kids who work at the registers always get a kick out of that.
The people that work at the Subway where I live do not even speak now – they just look at you. It must be telepathy fast food. They usually slop the stuff together – so it is all nasty anyhow.
Of course, my favorite is when they try to charge my 5 dollars for a veggie sub, when it is actually less than 5 dollars.
“All subs are 5 dollars.”
I would rather get subs from an independent place, but we don’t really have any left here.
AWG – a John Holmes sandwich is only acceptable if you can it like a man and not have to double fist it.
My wife buys subs from the grocery store deli and they aren’t bad. I’m just not a huge sub sandwich fan. I like the hot ones okay but the ones on chewy white bread with the slimy tomatoes and “meat” sliding around are crap.
Jeff, I think you should go back and demand your three dollars. If I lived near you, I would go in and do it for you.
On IPOD right now- “Diamonds and Guns”- Transplants
AWG – The Subway gods are now pleased and they will not be sending their emissary Jarred to chastise you for going to a competitor sub shop. Personally though, I only go to Jersey Mikes. Of course, my diet has restricted me from indulging so I have not been to one since May. But my diligence has paid off in the reduction of about 62lbs to date. Anything named after John Holmes is going to be a tough “nut” (pardon the pun) to swallow. At least they didn’t call it the Ron Jeremy. ROTFLMAO
Bryn – Congrats on the job thingy. Missed you for a bit. Was about to send out the calvary. Take care.
I am waiting for Buck to weigh in on your wussiness…
Jeff,
You let that bitch at the Sandwich Consortium swindle you!? You didn’t return, jump over the sneeze bar, one foot planted in lettuce, the other in BMT meats, piss all over the counter, give him a footlong stripe of mayo and then one of mustard demanding your three dollars in pennies, and now?
Maybe you should stalk him like the paperboy in Ferris Bueller. Heeeeere’s Jeff, you scream as you axe your way through his door. Oops that was “The Shining.”
I had a sandwich guy who would always have your change in his jar before he finished asking if you wanted it. I stopped going there.
Jeff didn’t give us a question! But seriously they have no control when it comes to mayo and mustard. I stopped getting mayo, but can handle a massive bolus of mustard.
Shirtless in Cincinnati
Jason — as they say in the Fatherland, “Heppy Birdsdey!” For an extra-special celebration, I recommend the Handkäse: http://www.foodsubs.com/Chesoft.html
SR — still gainfully UNemployed, unfortunately. The calvary wouldn’t bother looking for me. I don’t think Jeezum Crow cares much for me these days — at least not since my last run-in with some of his reps who were trying to convert me
Subway!! By us, they are always yeasty and steam filled. Kind of freaks me out, not being able to see the damn door.
Maybe you are about to get your period…that is when little things start to bother me. Today’s was going to Mcdonalds, I get to the window to get my large coke(still 1 dollar) and It opens to some surly bitch glaring out at me. I say hello…get no response. She shoves my coke out at me then turns her back. That shit drives me nuts. I shouted back thru her window “your welcome” as loud as I could..I know it is only a drink but damn..wtf happened to manners??
I stewed on calling the manager to bitch about people not knowing proper etiquette, but my luck being as it was that was the manager.
…and I can’t get a job for love or money. Yet, I am polite.
ok. I feel better. I knew you guys would understand.
Sandwich Artists. ha!
I witnessed the glove thing in a deli at lunch the other day. The sandwich artist was wearing gloves to make the sandwiches, and then he came to the register and handled money without taking the gloves off, then went back to making food.
1. If you’ have left the store, go in and tell ‘em you left your three bucks behind… And guage the reaction. If they are smart, they’ll hand it over if they have been “including gratuity”.
2. Your car has a horn. Use it.
3. Speak what you think.
Rolling over and taking it is whats causing your country to go down the shitter with all its politically correct regulated up the wazoo shit.
America was the land of the free.
Canada looks like chaos and mayhem now.
Thanks again for all the birthday wishes. You guys are like family, and by that I mean I’m going to start asking you to loan me money and let me crash at your place for a while.
I remember tossing a whopper back into the window of a Burger King. The workers inside couldn’t contain their laughter and they were all looking my way. So I know they did something to it (spit or piss or whatever) so I hurled it back through the window and they scattered. I drove off without asking for a refund and I was miles away before I realized it. I also let it go. I think I mighta kilt someone if I’d gone back.
The counter broad at the closest Subway also happens to be a tenant at the apartment complex. She tends to take care of me.
I would have gone back for my change, but I am notoriously cheap!
I’m fortunate to have a deli every 1/2 blocks within a 60 mile radius, so I never go to Subway. In fact, I can’t believe we even have them but we do. We have a local deli that claims they make the “biggest wedges in town!” Holy Christ, Hank Aaron could’ve swung one of these babies for a Grand Slam. . Yeah, they’re that big (and that good!).
I would have lost it at the Civil War vet backing out of the parking space. I have no patience for that shit anymore.
I’m not too crazy about Subway. Although, their tuna with mayo and pickles (sorry, Jeff) is OK. So is their meatball sub. I wouldn’t go out of my way though. But to tell you the truth…I won’t go in those shitholes because of that STUPID commercial they continue to run about 5 bucks for a footlong. Jesus…enough already! Just hearing those loser’s trying to sing an already irritating song is enough to make your ass pucker.
Oh, and Happy Birthday, Jason!
Bryn – Sorry, thats the intuitive side talking. You’d surprised who’s got your back when you least expect it. Even us insensitive toads can surprise people every now and then. But nuff said.
I don’t eat at sammich establishments very often.
But if anybody is in the Charleston, WV area anytime soon, check out Barrone Brothers Pizza at the Mink Shoals exit of I-79.
They have a meatball sub (8 bucks for the foot-long) that is farkin’ amazing. And when you add shrooms and hot peppers, it is still 8 bucks.
Bless you Jeff Kay for giving voice to the indignities expected of the modern man.
Buick LeViathan!
Two Words: Jersey Mikes. But judging from the locations provided on their website, it looks as though you’d have to travel far west, to the awesome goodness that is southwestern Pennsylvania (724 area code thank you).
Happy b-day, Jason! Drink a beer or 10 for all of us…
There’s a Subway close to where I work and on extremely hungover days I’d sometimes go there to get a sammich. I quit when I realized that the lazy assholes working there moved so slow that between the hours of 11am and 2pm, the line had built to a wait of no less than 15 minutes from the time you entered the building to the time you paid for the sandwich. Not very motivated, and they still made them sloppy. Now I just take a can of Campbell’s Soup to work with me if I think I’m actually going to eat lunch and eat it hobo/bachelor-style: straight outta the can, cold, no water added. Cheap, but salty.
Subway, never again!! this is one you should do a picture on. The local subway has a “plastic” sub on display that is a min of 2 inches thick, for you guys that’s 6 inches. However the actual sandwhich is 1/4 inch thick. I pointed this out to the owner as ileft in a huff recently and toldhim I wouldn’t be back. He informed me for $2 he could double my meat. Double my meat> is he crazy? Well, at least that’s what I think he said.
No more subway for me. I wish there was a Jersey Mikes in “Nawlins. I miss my Big Kahouna Steak Sandwhich!!
I wonder how much that cashier makes in “tips”?
I tried a Jersey Mike’s twice and felt that I could have made the same goddamn thing at home for less money.
Does anyone know a good remedy to get fucking squirrels out of the attic. Florida squirrels, which look like rats with unimpressive tails, have invaded my attic again. There are no palm tree bridges leading to the gables on my house, so I have no fucking idea how they got in. It seems that throwing mothballs up there is a FELONY in the state of Floriduh (because it can kill your family and pets, once it seeps though). C’mon invisible friends, I don’t ask for much, but let me get rid of these little goddamn rodents that wake me up in the ceiling at 3 am. I need some sleep. I work three jobs for Christ’s sake!!!
Every once in a GREAT while I get Subway for lunch, but that’ll do me for a long time. Recently we stopped on a road trip & split a sandwich. All I know is the roast beef was pink, the bologna had a weird stench and I refused to eat it when I saw the globs of mayonnaise dripping from the bread. I like condiments but holy hell, I don’t need to bathe in them.
Jeff, admit it. This was a mockable post, was it not? Oh yeah, how are those shirts coming along?
Now Playing on iPhone: ‘Treat Me Like Your Mother’ by The Dead Weather
I’m craving subway now. I found a good one near my house. I think I have just enough money in the bank acct to get one, too! Woo! Their new buffalo chicken is pretty good.
NP OK Go – Get Over It
I was gonna suggest making it at home (aka “The Big Sammich”) but didn’t want to sound like a cheap-ass.
AWG- Try http://www.getridofthings.com (squirrel section). It’s also midly amusing. It kind of makes sense to distract them “away” from your house with goodies. Squirrels, deer and bats here in NC are a “tolerable hatred”…kind of like bad marriage. But peeing in the yard keeps the deer away.
Presidents Bush and Obama gave Wall Street $750 Billion Bucks; Wall Street is now about to award the largest bonuses in Financial Sector history.
There are 308 million Americans (man, woman, child, redneck). Do the math, then fuck the three bucks. Find a WV Populist and send the other $10 to his/her campaign and do a little doorbelling. Or PA if there are any populists there besides Ed Rendell.
As to store cards: I don’t carry any, but have signed up for cards using my deceased father’s phone number. I just enter the number and get the discounts. If they ever correlate phone number and age, they’re gonna think, “That 92 year old motherfucker sure buys a lot of smokes and booze.”
You just have to fuck up every database you might be in. It’s our only hope.
That and pissing outdoors.
jtb
AngryWhiteGuy,
I had the same thing last year. I could hear the little fucks scratching around up there at night. I finally found the hole where there were getting in and out and I nailed a one way wire trap over the hole. They could get in but not out.
I was told to leave it there for several days, even a couple of weeks if I could stand it. That way if they’d had any babies they could escape too before I sealed the hole up. So I sealed it up and all is cool now.
They told me that about 70% of the time when you have a squirrel in the attic it’s a female and 3-5 young. You can’t repel them with anything because they are determined little fuckers.
I got my trap from this site:
http://www.wildlife-traps.com/squirrels.html
I got the second one on the page, the medium one. Worked like a champ.
Wait, I meat to say that they could get out but not in.
You don’t want to trap them in your attic and stink up the whole house when they start to rot.
One more thing, jeez I keep on thinking of stuff, you can usually buy those one way traps at hardware stores or sporting good stores like Gander Mountain.
We made pizza on the grill outside tonight. De-fucking-licious.
Excellent post.
ATM machine? PIN number? What WTF fuck?
Other than that nicely done. Certainly been there myself. Not to Subway though because that is some disgusting “food”.
Jason, I was wondering why you were trying to fill your attic with squirrels.
I only have one word for establishments that short change. BOYCOTT
‘Our relationship is now over, go screw someone else instead.’
(Words I have heard in the past, so I know the hurt they can cause!)
AWG – Cant you get a ferret or pit bull or something up there? Over here we’re almost encouraged to kill the grey (US) squirrels as they fuck up our much nicer, and frankly, better educated reds.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/3308976/Killing-grey-squirrels—no-bombing-or-arrows.html
Who takes a 20 from the ATM? I haven’t done that since, I don’t know, Reagan was President. If I don’t grab a 100, I’m back in no time, and that’s a waste of time. Jeesh!
All this talk of sandwiches reminded me of a restaurant in Birch Run MI called Tonys. They make a BLT containing one lb of bacon! In fact everything there is mammoth. Great place to go when you are road tripping! Subway commercials piss me off. I think they totally insult anyone who has a weight problem. There are a lot of fatty haters around these days it seems.The last predjudice that is acceptable.
The Evil Twin and I swore off Subway about a year or so ago. We decided to fall for the $5 foot long deal. I got the roast beef, he got the Subway Club. The roast beef was not even cooked thoroughly and my bun had pink “juice” all over it. Also, both of our sandwiches were just full of gristle. I think they changed distributors when they lowered the sub prices. Even thinking about it makes me feel all hinky in the back of my throat. YUCK!
WVBumblebee – I’m with you on that, but I can’t get a descent Po’ Boy up here either. Zydeco whacks at it but it ain’t what I know. When I come off this diet, I’m gonna have a mean hunger for one.
WVBumblebee – Mothers! Get the Ralph (or the Ferdi if you don’t want cheese). You will forget all about Jersey Mikes. Aaaahhh, NOLA. So much deliciousness!
I hate everything about Subway, from the pre-measured portions divided by slimy wax paper, to the freaky double spout sauce dispensers, the weird way they cut the bread with their cupped hand (what are they hiding?) and that short “knife”, right down to the fecund smell of the place. The tuna subs are not bad though. Probably enough mercury in them to fill a rectal thermometer.
Shiney Rod & WTB….you ain’t telling me anything about the food here.
I’ve been here since May and put on 15 lbs!! The food is almost as good as the music, and the 24 hour bars! I love it that the bars on Bourbon are only required to close 1 hour a year, and whoever came up with the drive thru bars….GENIOUS!!
But sometimes you get a little homesick for some stuff, like a Gino’s pizza bread, or SC sweet tea..
Yes I’ve lived in WV (23 yrs), NC (16 yrs), SC (6 yrs) and now NOLA! My favorite, I think Myrtle Beach.
Eat at home. Tonight I had WVKay chili. I know my hands were clean, the meat was well done, and I didn’t need change or a tip. I didn’t get ripped off or sick. Subway, bleecch.
Wait a goddamn minute! How do you still have the subway club card? They discontinued it here years ago because the grease ball pimple poppers behind the counter kept giving their friends freebies. I loved the satisfaction of earning that free sub! It was my very own Seinfeld moment.
I was hoping right up until the very end that you would go back for the $3. Can’t believe you petered out!
johnthebasket – I need you to go to Smiley’s Subs…which is somewhere in the Seattle area and get me a seafood sub with provolone toot sweet. The best subs ever and it makes me hate Subway a little more each time I go in. (you’re the one from Washington right?)
Ian – I like your little red squirrels with the fuzzy ears. So cute!
Limey, You missed “and etc.” The first sentence was a joke. It’s some of my favorite pet peeves, collected together.
And it’s now unusual to take a twenty from an ATM? I had no idea. I’m in Sheetz almost every day, and hit their no-fee machine as needed. I usually take a twenty. Oh well. I guess I’m out of step.
Hey, hey, RNK…
I’m 30 miles southwest of Seattle, but since there’s not a Smiley’s in Seattle, that don’t matter. There is one in Bremerton, about 30 miles northwest of me, and I’d be happy to make the trip sometime in the next month or so. (Bremerton is what I used, in my younger days, to call a 3-beer trip…Seattle requires the entire 6).
When I get ready to go, I’ll let you know. Feel free to forward your mailing address (no PO boxes please, since that would piss the post office off ) to: johnthebasket@yahoo.com.
And, just to be clear, did you want one toot or two?
jtb
Jeff,
Women get 20 bucks from the ATM. Men get $100. I think we might have to do exploratory surgery in search of an extra X chromosome. Or, as my favorite combo says:
s-e-X-X-Y
More than enough
Around the clock with nobody else
s-e-X-X-Y
best as always…jtb
JTB – Yes it was Bremerton. I stayed for about a month but had been all over the place so couldn’t remember where it was. It was 10 years ago but that’s how great their subs are. I’m scared of what a shipped seafood sub would be like lol. I miss Washington.
Jeff,
Where in God’s name did you get the photo of the Subway workers? It can’t be a Subway glossy, because the three workers look like the gang of Puerto Ricans that shot up the House of Representatives in 1954 (adjusting for age). These workers look angry and ready to place bodily secretions in the next customer’s sub.
If they are the team who waited on you, just go about your business. Never bring a complaint to a knife fight.
jtb
RNK,
If you change your mind about the sub, just let me know. I once bought a cheese steak sandwich for my wife at the Philly airport and delivered it to her in Seattle 6 hours later. The entire DC-10 smelled of onion and greese. I slept using the secret of the long-distance smoking flyer: Xanax. She enjoyed it much more than the United passengers and crew.
jtb
cashoe…WV.Hillbilly and I are both excited to procure (at no cost according to your post of three days ago) one of those fine Tom Waits 8-Tracks. My own 8-Track, installed in my not-so-new touring car, is overflowing with beer scum and tobacco ash, having not been used since I accidentally placed a Hall & Oats cart in there in 1974. I wan’t gay then either, but was much younger and attempting to get laid. My attempts were about as successful as H&O’s attempt to produce a listenable album.
(Jeff still has something to answer for. First, Hall & Oats, then twenty bucks at the cash machine.)
That Tom Waits sure has his fingers on a lot of goodies, including all the right piano keys.
jtb
WVBumblebee – The husband and I used to live in NOLA (Riverbend – just up Carrollton from the Camellia Grill). When people who had never been to New Orleans would come to visit us, he would pick them up at the airport and drive them into Metairie to a little cluster of suburban dive bars somewhere around the causeway by the mall and tell them that was the French Quarter. Oh, the looks on their faces.
Thanks Jason. I printed up that picture and went to Ace Hardware last night and got the exact same trap. Still have no clue how the yard rats got in though.
Ian, I though about turning our evil cat loose up there, but then she probably wouldn’t want to come back down. S’OK with me, but my daughter would be crushed. Who else would she dress up in doll clothes? Certainly not her naked dolls.
On IPOD right now- “Isolation”- Joy Division
WTB… classic. I’ll have to try that! We are in Lakeview right beside Metairie. I do all my shopping and some drinking in Metairie. I’ve LOVED all the food and the neighbors parties that I have been too here. We are looking forward to the VOODOO festival next weekend. Kiss, Eminim (?spelling), and about 50 other bands.
AWG- squirrels can climb up any kind of siding. after you’re done and you get them all out of there you might want to use copper flashing to patch the hole…, since that’s just about the only thing they won’t chew through.
you can’t even have mothballs in a pan/container? screw florida. move away from there.
Nope, it’s a FELONY. Can ya believe that?
Believe me, if I had the money to move again, I would.
On IPOD right now-”Yellow Ledbetter”- Pearl Jam
Ok, since Jeff just admitted to usually pulling only $20 out of the ATM, here’s a new Question of the Day (because today is not yesterday):
When going to the ATM, how much do you normally withdraw?
I am in the boat with $100 or more at one pull-out. Heh.
I have a coworker who tries to use her Debit card EVERYWHERE we go and it drives me apeshit crazy. Half the time the places we go for lunch take cash only, or their machines are broken, etc. and I end up paying for her because she is clutching a useless bronze card in her palm, where I have very useful green paper in mine. Why people feel the need to swipe a card through a reader ten times a day rather than take the damn money out confuses me to no end.
Which makes me think of another question:
Cash or Card?
Now Playing on iPhone: ‘Big Fatty Online’ podcast
I tend to pull out $20-$40 from the ATM at one time. I pretty much never use a debit card. I’m really bad with remembering numbers and don’t really need one more pin number to screw things up. I’ve already had about three ATM cards deactivated for forgetting the pin number. In fact, at the moment I can’t get any money out of the ATM because of a recent fuck up. So maybe I should answer $0? Not really an issue at the moment since the hubby still has full ATM privileges. But yeah, I better get around to fixing that sometime soon, so thanks for the reminder.
@AWG: Thanks for getting Joy Division in my head.
Mother I tried please believe me
I’m doing the best that I can
I’m ashamed of the things I’ve been put through
I’m ashamed of the person I am
Isolation
Isolatioooooooon
Isolation
Yeah, story of my life, Ian.
Gretchen, I’ve always found that to be the most chilling lyric in all of Ian Curtis’ many chilling lyrics. Especially the fact that he addresses it to his mother — the idea of this “cool rock star” confessing to his mother that he’s ashamed of himself is just as rawly emotional as can be. And the fact that he killed himself within a year or two of writing it is even more chilling.
Second most chilling from Ian is “New Dawn Fades,” including:
“Different colors, different shades,
Over each mistakes were made.
I took the blame.
Directionless so plain to see,
A loaded gun won’t set you free.
So you say.”
awg- nanny state.
it’s bullshit you could also try “humane” traps, but then you have to check them every day… and i’m sure that big brother has rules about killing wildlife…
Awesome! I didn’t know there were so many Joy Division followers on here. I knew that Kathleen from Detroit liked them You guys ever see that movie “Control” about the band?
On IPOD right now- “Terror Couple Kill Colonel”- Bauhaus
Lucas, I would grab the little fuckers with my bare hands and strangle them, if I could catch them.
That line has always had special resonance for me considering my own estranged relationship with my mother and struggle with who I am as a person. But yes, there are many chilling verses to be had in any Joy Division song. I sometimes wonder where Joy Divison would have musically gone had Ian not offed himself. I can’t think it would have been the synth-disco pop that eventually emerged from the ashes of Joy Division. Surely Ian must have been spinning in his grave over some of New Order’s songs.
I know. I hear this bullshit phrase all of the time “New Order rose from the ashes of Joy Division”. Anyone who knows, knows it is not even close to the fucking same thing.
On IPOD right now- “The Days of Swine and Roses”- Thrill Kill Cult
AWG: “Control” is quite good. I saw it in the theater, and then bought the DVD when it came out. I understand the actors actually played the songs live in the film — and they sounded amazingly good, even though (I read) a couple of them learned their instruments solely for the movie. I wished they could’ve actually gone on tour as “The ‘Control’ Band, a Tribute to Joy Division.” It would’ve been much more like actually seeing J.D. than a New Order concert ever was.
Gretchen: Agreed, regarding the spinning.
AWG: I did see the movie. I also read the book when it first came out. I only say “rose from the ashes” because the basic core of the band remained the same as far as members go. There’s no getting around that. And New Order’s first album shows them still trying to be Joy Division-esque, but stumbling without Ian (sorry Bernard, but your little voice could never go to the depths of hell and back). In any event, what they turned into is a whole different animal from Joy Division and I just wonder what Ian would have thought of it all.
AWG, i’d behed them. i’m not cruel (to animals). and strangling is a horrific way to die. i’d rather be guillotined.
By the way, I’m one of those odd ones who came to Joy Division through New Order. Don’t know if that’s rare or not. And with that, I’m out! Later.
Gretchen, that is odd and you are correct that the first New Order sounded similar, as compared to the other ones, which had that dance fell to them. That guy’s voice doesn’t have the pain, like Ian Curtis’s.
Swami, that would have been awesome if they toured as a tribute band. I never knew the actors were the actual performers.
Lucas, I would feed them alka-selters and watch them explode…if they would eat them. Squirrels serve no function. I don’t care about their feelings or pain threshhold.
On IPOD right now- “Celluloid Heroes”- the Kinks
Gretchen — Me too. New Order first. Then Joy Division. It doesn’t matter how you got there as long as you finally made it. Recently saw Control, but am feeling the need to go back and watch 24 Hour Party People again. I have a thing for Steve Coogan and John Simm, so maybe that’s part of it.
Box of 50, .22 long rifle….$4.49
Bottle of decent Cabernet….$9.50
Traget practice while attempting to eliminate a species….priceless.
AWG,
it’s also quicker to just shoot them with a bb gun.
that’s what i’m gonna do with all the cats in my backyard… my neighbor keeps feeding them, and letting them inbread and when i catch them in the humane trap he lets them out.
there’s like 30 cats living in his garage that need to be removed. they have killed one tree in my back yard and are killing the other one.
Two words: Tonka trucks
I live in a college town and seldom see anyone using cash. It’s pretty much all Check or Credit Cards here.
I suppose older wealthy males carry around wads of cash. I found a 100 dollar bill lying in the street the summer before last – so thank you very much.
I pay for almost everything with my debit-that way I really know where it all goes- if I have cash, I swear it just melts away.
whatever Jorge said he was first, it weren’t me
This is gay.
Joy Division
Durutti Column
Thomas Leer
Cabaret Voltaire
A Certain Ratio
dalek I love you
The Fall
Bauhaus
Killing Joke
The The
Early Smiths
The best music of the 80′s was kind of one long, lush prelude to suicide. How the hell did those of us who embraced this wonderful stuff survive anyway?! Probably too stoned to remember.
Jed: Sooooo, was it the music of The Fall or Mark E. Smith’s lyrical[-uuh] delivery[-uuh] that set one up for suicide[-uuh]? Because I still rock out to “O! Brother”, “Cab it Up!”, and “Shoulder Pads”, despite his little vocal tic. Of course, those songs were from the mid-80s I’m-boning-Brix period, not from when they were playing on the same bill with Joy Division.
I am somewhat alarmed. Normally, Jeff slacking on a Wednesday update would be par for the course. Yesterday he said Give me Liberty or Give me Death, or maybe something about getting his $3.00 back from Subway. I worry he cracked.
I have a vivid imagination, and great “antibiotics.” I see Jeff accosting the limp-wristed Artiste, and giving him a savage Atomic Wedgie. Unbeknownst to Jeff, while he his strapping the elastic over LWA’s head, the boy hit the emergency panic button.
LWA has no shame shitting at work, and the sickly sweet and spicy aroma from his unflushed remains reminds Jeff of his trip to waffle house. Jeff knows a real man does not shit at work. He snaps again.
Jeff thinks a swirlie would be the perfect complement to his wedgie, and while he is flushing the Billie Ray Cyrus Mullet of LWA in his own offal, 37 1/2 police officers swarm Subway like they started selling footlong Apple Fritters.
Toney would probably leave him in, I know my wife would. Can’t you get Buck or Metten on the phone?
Good luck, Sir.
This just in…Harriette R. Dog just got shunked! Not making that up. I went out about 2:30am MST, to let Jane The Cat out of the warehouse. She must have been in there when I closed up earlier. It’s about 23 here (no big deal for JTC)…took HRD with me. HRD headed off into the pitch black, I rescued JTC and called HRD back. FUCK!!! That quick and WOW!! Only happened 1 1/2 times before when she was about 8 mos. old. No tomato juice (I drank it in my ‘red beers’) so shampoo, rinse and repeat, over and over. First “bath” she’s had since the pup skunkings. Her trips to the pond takescare of ‘bathing’.
Is it too early or too late for a beer? Not taking a vote here…I submit it is the perferct time for a beer!
Great update, as almost usual, Jeff…but it got me to thinking. When you become the famous author (that we are all hoping for) and don’t have time to give us daily updates anymore, I nominate AWG to take your place. Man, if there were ever two twins seperated at birth, it has to be you two!
And while I’m on the subject of people who truly make me laugh til Diet Pepsi spews out my nose, where the heck is Buck????? Haven’t heard from him in a while. Hope he’s still around.
DTO – skunk, ugh, poor Harriette and poor you! You definitely should have a beer, maybe more.
~ DTO
Tomato juice doesn’t really work. Here is a sure fix to get rid of the skunk smell:
1 gallon of water
1 box Baking Soda
2 tablespoons liquid dish soap
1 pint bottle Hydrogen Peroxide
Mix the baking soda, soap and peroxide in the gallon water jug. Apply to the affected animal. Scrub up and let sit for a few minutes. Rinse and repeat if necessary.
I got sprayed while walking my dog a few summers ago. Took a direct hit to the face and chest. (Ugh, it was the absolute worst sensation one could ever imagine. I puked on the spot.)
Someone forwarded the above recipe and it worked. Unfortunately the skunk juice got into my sinuses and I could smell it for weeks even though no one else said they could smell anything.
Good luck!
Ognir: <>
I resemble that remark. I hate to write checks. I have had several credit card numbers stolen. Most recently, someone charged $233.00 at a London Pub on my card number. Amalgamated Bank of Chicago fraud division called me the next morning and asked if it was me. Nope. Never been to England, card is in my desk drawer all safe, right where I put it.
Now I get to fill out their damn form and “attest” that the charge is not mine. Then cut up the card and wait for a replacement. What a bunch of shit.
I am afraid to use my MAC card. If someone steals that number, my checking account gets cleaned out?
Cash for me all the time. Yes, I carry a wad. My teen daughter calls it “the green tumor.”
Use a revolver, then you don’t need cash or a credit/ATM card. Hell, the gun doesn’t even need to be loaded (it’s a lot safer that way). This IS America, after all.
Happy Belated Birthday, Jason!
Spent a week down in Concord/Charlotte NC for the big race weekend and I’m just getting caught up on here.