Download My New eBook Today!
In olden times, before the internet, I published a questionable little magazine (I use the term loosely) called The West Virginia Surf Report. It was filled with absurd articles and straight-up silliness, very similar to the stuff I’m now writing for Mockable. Like this, and this, and this.
It was all “material,” completely and quite obviously fabricated. I was influenced heavily by the National Lampoon, and was trying to duplicate the tone and brilliance of their writers. Unsuccessfully, I might add.
When I moved to California, in 1996, I started hanging out with Mark Maynard, who, along with his girlfriend (now wife) Linette, published the legendary zine, Crimewave U.S.A. We had a lot of ridiculous fun out there, pulling stunts (like wearing sandwich boards outside NBC studios — offering to make their sitcoms funny), and engaging in all manner of stupidity.
Mark asked me to write an article for the next issue of his magazine, but I didn’t think my stuff was a good fit for Crimewave. His zine was all about personal stories, autobiographical humor, and that sort of thing. I just made up silly bullshit; I’d never written about myself, had never even considered such a thing.
But he kept pushing me, and I decided to give it a shot.
After some frantic contemplation, I decided I might be able to get some mileage out of my time spent working at a convenience store in Dunbar, WV, back during the mid-1980s, and went to work on it.
Not wanting to embarrass myself in front of the entire zine community (Crimewave was very popular), I spent an inordinate amount of time on it. I sweated bullets over that article, and tried to make it as good as my talents would allow.
And it actually worked. I was pleased with the results, as were Mark and Linette, and there was a lot of positive feedback from the readers, as well. In fact, that article was better received than anything I’d written before. It was an amazing turn of events.
During that same approximate period I discovered Krista Garcia’s online journal (the word “blog” hadn’t been invented yet), and the idea for TheWVSR.com began to take shape. I’d write about my everyday life, like Krista does, and maybe duplicate the convenience store triumph. And occasionally sprinkle in some silly bullshit, for old time’s sake…
Fast forward to 2009. TheWVSR is still going strong, and I’m wanting to offer a free gift (bribe) to people joining the mailing list. Maybe an eBook of some kind? But what would be the subject of said “book”? I thought about it for a few days, and then it hit me: just go back to the beginning. Why not simply republish the convenience store article that started it all?
It was a good choice, because the piece hasn’t been on the site in a long time. I removed it, because I wanted to include the article in a book project that hasn’t gotten off the ground (yet). Plus, people still occasionally ask me about it, so there’s at least a small amount of interest out there.
So that’s what I’ve done. I renamed the article “A Convenience Story,” and enlisted the help of a graphic designer. And my very first eBook is born. …I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional here.
I announced it to the mailing list last night, and it’s available to everyone today. All you have to do is join the list, and you’ll receive download instructions via email. Here’s the form, which is quick and painless.
I hope you enjoy the story. Please let me know.
If you’re so inclined, I’d appreciate a mention of the book on your blog, at Twitter, on Facebook, or wherever. Please send readers to this page, and NOT directly to the download link. Thanks in advance for helping spread the word.
And if you don’t blog, or waste loads and loads of time at social networking sites, feel free to attach the file to an email and fire it off to your friends. I’d be much obliged.
Finally, I’d like to know if you’ve ever worked at a job where the inmates basically ran the asylum? A place where there was rampant theft, violence, and general grabassery — and management had no control over any of it? If so, tell us all about it in the comments.
And that’s all I’ve got for you guys today. I’ll get back to the normal stuff on Monday.
Thanks for the continued support!
Filed under: Daily
HI!!!
I did work in an insane asylum. it was called the **PD Laboratory. I still have PTSD.
#3
Tada!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
As close as I can get was a brief time in the earlier days when I worked as a night stockboy at a K-Mart (hey I was a night stocker!). We reported to work at 9 pm, was locked inside the store and released at 7:30.
We worked for about oh, I dunno, 15 minutes?, then basically goofed off the rest of the time.
Skateboard races (or bicycles) up and down the aisles.
Raiding the pantry of the in-house cafeteria.
Pop in a cassette tape of bootleg Grateful Dead and crank it full volume over the house sound system.
Sleep for a good 4 or 5 hours in the employee lounge.
It was a pretty good gig for a college kid. Unsupervised and we got paid in cash every Friday.
You ever look these people up, Jeff? You know – to see if they are on the roster at the WV State Penitentiary?
Well played, good sir. “A Convenience Story” is an excellent introduction to the general happy mischief that is the WVSR.
I’ve worked at a few bars and restaurants and could tell some similar tales. I’ll see if I can put something together…once I get home and pour myself an adult cocktail.
I do remember “The Convenience Store”. Great stuff, funny and probably what got me started on visiting all the time.
Never worked in the asylum field but our band (’70) played three nights in one. Any Cincy folks out there remember “Longview” there on I-75 across from the liquor factory? Great location, don’t you think? Is it still there…either one? Just wondering. Anyway…they must have really liked us. They offered us to stay and be the house band. Room and board. They looked at us like we were nuts when we turned them down.
“Free”- my second favorite word.
I can only imagine what you saw in the BIG town of Dunbar!! Looking forward to reading it. I just dont’ remember you working at a convenience store.
Excellent e-book, Jeff. I mentioned it on my Twitter feed, so I’m sure you’ve received thousands of orders by now.
I remember reading it a while back. Has the new version been edited slightly?
Damn….I missed the top 10 today.
Stupid meetings.
I think the convenience store stuff was what hooked me, as well. Jeff, do you keep stats from the olden days when we were fewer?
I’d sure be interested to know if I know any of the guys who worked with you at the convenience store.
Do they still live here?
They sound like at least a dozen people I know and believe me, they haven’t changed much if it is them.
The stolen fillet mignon sounds like something my brother in law would have done when he was working at a certain high class restaurant.
Great work Jeff!
@JCIII Mine was supermarket shelf stacking at Dominion Grocery (A&P) Turkey Bowling was our specialty: Line up 12 2 litre cokes at one end of the aisle grab a frozen butterball & you guys can figure out the rest!
You should have called it: “Jeff’s Bookie Wook”
I’m here.
hiya
Slip and Slid – Get a soapy mop and wet down an aisle. Get a good running start and then see how far you can slide standing up without knocking over any of the stock on the shelves. Don’t do this in the aisle that has glass items. Bread aisle is the best place.
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I’m not certain about Longview State Hospital, but the Jim Beam plant is still there. You can drunk on the fumes just driving by the place.
There…I signed up. I want to read it again. Grub worms, shumb worms…you can pick bait I tell ya!…cool
@ DTO – Thanks for the words of wisdom. Never thought of it that way but it could be. I hope not. She seems to be a very nice woman. I’l try to get part two of the Paradise story posted this weekend. I got a recording session scheduled on Saturday so I don’t know how long it’s gonna take for the musicians to get the demo on track. I hope they are ready because I don’t like doing takes all day. I just bought some new equipment (Lexicon – Omega) and got to get it up and running on my PC. Then, I have to install Reason 4.0 on my studio PC and download some instrument tracks. man that shit burns up time.
…glad I restocked my liquor again. Balvenie 15, Glennfiddich 18 and Glenlivet 12. I’m gonna need it this weekend.
wow, I would only hope everyone at some time in there life is blessed/cursed with a job that leaves them with those kind of priceless stories. I had what seemed to be a higher than normal number of them. Lets recap shall we:
Locomotive engineer – union slacking, underachievers, and the general slapdickery that comes from working all hours miles from any real authority. Truck driver – same basic deal only more questionable moral standards. We used to race the trucks and fork lifts around the building in the snow at night sliding them like sprint cars. More than one junk car “randomly” caught on fire in the front parking lot. “Production” – This was the late 90′s in Southern Ohio so beer, fork lift drags and the infamous “chair sling” were all fair game on the overnight shift. The greatest of all had to be the Army. Sadly I can’t even begin to discuss the level of jackassery only to say that indeed, we are the best in the world!
Great book Mr. Kay, it brings back all the laughs of my own good times as a youngster in WV!
slapdickery and jackassery in one comment. Great work Sam in Rochester
Sam – I’m just touching the surface on my blog from my Navy days. The ram broke on our 5″54 and would not push the round into the breach so we took a mop handle and rammed the rounds in to the breach loader manually. Oh that would have been a story if one of the rounds and gone off. “Sir, the last thing we saw was the Oh shit look on th esailors face.” Oh, the 5″54 is a three story deck gun mounted on Navy ships. We had three of them.
r”eturning to normal content on monday” that should be interesting.
Sam In Rochester: Best gig ever! many moons ago I was a “winchman” on Air Sea Rescue duty in the Med! we were so bored we stole a toilet from the Sargeant’s mess and flew it out to a tiny Island no bigger than a rock that was on the main approachway to Akrotiri (Our base) The next day all the arriving aircraft were greeted on landing approach by a guy sitting on the can in the middle of the Mediterranian Sea waving a roll of toilet paper at them! Ah good times:)
I was an office manager for a Dave & Buster’s sort of place a few years ago.
There was much douchebaggery, dickslappery, asshattery, jackassery and every other type of -ery that you can think of going on in there.
- stealing (money and inventory)
- screwing cocktail waitresses in the walk-in cooler
- drug dealing
- looking at porn on the computer in the cash-out room
- more stealing
- pretty sure we were employing illegal aliens and convicted felons
- a general manager that was using the safe as his own personal petty cash
- same general manager (who was married) having an affair with one of his employees (also married) and paying her twice as much as she should’ve been getting
- a narcolepic bowling manager (that was always entertaining)
- people smoking crack in our restrooms
It was the longest 15 months of my life, and drove me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. Maybe if I would’ve been in my early 20′s, it would’ve been awesome – but being in my mid 30′s with established work ethics and morals….it was a hard pill to swallow.
Hehe…I used hard and swallow in the same sentence.
Things you don’t want to hear at the public pool: “Hey, is that a Baby Ruth?”
ELO Afro! worth the price of admission alone! “Don’t bring me down, Grrooss” Shiny throw that crap in the trash & buy yourself a bottle of Lagavullin!
Worked as machine operator and fork lift driver at Corning Glass in Parkersurg, WV for 8 years in the 70′s. Midnite shift was a drunken orgy at times. People so stoned they couldnt talk, employees screwing in the parking lot and general drunkeness and asshattery.
One guy’s nickname was ‘Percodan’…he had this uncanny ability to discover who had been injured or who had been to a dentist. He would hound you for your pain-killer scrip until you finally gave it to him to get him to STFU.
Plant now closed. Go figure.
NDfan…don’t know where that came (yeah I know the movie) but I’ll play….Things you don’t……”I’m telling my husband”!
Friday…one of my three favorite ‘F’ words…along with free, finished and fuckit. Oh wait…that’s four…see #4
Jeff, I’ll do it as soon as I have time. I can’t wait to read it!
Shiny Rod: Thanks for “following”.
SHINY ROD: I started to “follow” your blog, but the way it is set up. I can’t leave comments, and I can’t find your email address. I just wanted you to know.
kenju – let me see whats going on.
@Pagan, I wouldn’t call Shiny’s Glen* “crap” exactly, but they are kind of generic and uninteresting, right up there with Macallan. Today I blew my Glen* money on one each of Bowmore and Highland Park. (The HP is for my mom: obligatory visit coming up. “But I like it too”.) Lagavulin is great stuff – as it should be for the price – but in some cases one might cut to the Islay chase and have a Laphroiag.
If you like Lagavulin, you may want to sample Bowmore. It’s less salty and iodine-y, more smoky and peat-y, but still has the “ocean” thing going. Just a thought.
All for now.
Kenju – I see your linked on my site, I also got your Facebook confirmation. You should be good to go.
Ah crap…I bought some Coors and some Woodbridge Cab…my life sucks…huh!
@ Pagan – I will put Lagavullin on my list to try. Those are the three I like so far. This is the lineup:
Balvenie 15 – is my aiming fluid. Golf, fishing although I don’t get an opportunity to play. The amateurs are afraid of my drive but my short game needs a little work.
Glennfiddich 18 – is the panty remover, never failed yet! Of course unless she ask for coke and then she’s out the door. You just don’t put coke on perfection, ice yes, coke oh no!!!
Glenlivet 12 – is my sipping sauce, it’s smooth and sweet like me. It’s my private reserve. I don’t share this with anyone. Especially if I have the 30 on hand.
@ chill – They have the Bowmore and Highland Park in stock but I haven’t seen the Laphroiag. I’ll ask and see if he has any in the reserve locker. Thats how I got a bottle of Glennfiddich 30. Someone ordered it and didn’t pick it up. Damn that was good scotch.
DTO – Nothing wrong with that, it’s what you like, right? That’s all, your doing what you enjoy and thats what life’s about.
@Shiny Rod, I didn’t mean to disrespect your beverages of choice. They are all very fine whiskies, and I’d gladly have any of them. However, once you start down the road of Single Malt, this is definitely the shallow end of the pool. (mixed metaphors department here.) Everything that’s been mentioned, I can vouch for. But I feel a duty to say that Laphroiag is absolutely not for everyone. It’s… different. Some find it undrinkable. Hardcore Islay, if you will.
I think I’ve seen a few mentions of single malt here before, so let me recommend any whisky book by Michael Jackson – not *that* one, but the fat Englishman who died two years ago: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Jackson_(writer) He also knew his stuff regarding beer, and has written a few books on that topic as well.
I like when “someone ordered it and didn’t pick it up” – that’s how I got my bottle of Pommard (wine) at the grocery store. Long gone, but it was good. Many years ago I acquired a Springbank 30 that way, so I was able to perpetuate the dream a little longer: “the whisky you’re drinking should be older than the woman you’re with” :^)
Cheers!
Let’s see, that would make it a 50 year. I’ve seen 35′s but the next jump is 50 and then 75. But you better wait in line and have some long bucks. I ain’t there yet but I’m getting close.
cill – no disrespect taken, Each person develops there taste as they see fit. I started out drinking JW Dant back in college. Thats what I could afford back then and it was a blended scotch. In the Navy, I drank Remy and Chivas. It was more an image thing than for taste. A few years ago I started drinking Balvenie because thats what my friends drank and I liked the taste. Now my taste is starting to get more refined and I like the single malt scotches. Must be my Gaelic ancestry kicking in. I haven’t braved wearing my kilt out of the house though. Maybe I will wear my family tartan for my next we….. eh I can’t get my fingers to type it less even speak it.
cill= chill sorry bout that…
Worked in an asylum? Actually yes. I worked in a hospital for the mentally ill/criminally insane. They didn’t run the place thankfully. There were some downright scary characters locked up in there.
But a job where the employees ran the place and engaged in wholesale shenanigans? Yup. A couple of different restaurants when I was in my teens and early 20s. Rampant food pilferage, theft of restaurant supplies and actually parts of the building on a couple of occasions. There was also the obligatory skimming of the register by waitresses and supervisors.
It was also an environment drenched in hormones and sex. Like some drama on fox or mtv something. The kitchen staff and waitresses were constantly swapping body fluids. Sometimes it even occurred at work. More than one third shift grill cook ended up having sex with the waitress when things were dead in the store. Even during a fairly busy shift people sometimes managed to sneak off to the walk in cooler, freezer or stock room for sex.
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had sex in a walk-in freezer I’d have $2.50.
Jason..There’s a cold hard cash joke in there somewhere but I’m not going to go find it.
…and I thought I was restless typing my blog at 4:00 am in the morning.
Good Evening Surf Reporters….
Live from Beaver, I’m JCIII
Sharing news of my good fortune. Rain canceled any hopes of golf. Stopped by the Ye Olde Staughmping Groundes (yea, the bar) and not only savored a few draughts of Golden Elixir, I also supported senior PA citizens by buying a scratch off lottery ticket(s).
Hit my link to find out what happened.
For the WVSR, I’m JCIII
Wow JCIII, congratulations!
400 large! awesome make mine a double Bulleit! with a Coors back! Not that coors lite gay juice! a regular coors the stuff people drank before the internet:)
So…you paid a buck and won $400…..How is that supporting?? (twist on a fave line from Office Space) Oh, I see the (s)….ok five bucks i’m guessin’. Congrats sir…and I just brought home a twelver of Coors orginal long necks (thank you very much Pagan) and the first two are to you. One for me and since you can’t be here ….I’ll take it from there
Darn, and I though I was doing good when my school dropped a check for a grand in my mail box. Don’t spend all in one place. Eh, pass the beer nuts please.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a job where the inmates didn’t run the asylum. And, unfortunately, the most fucktarded ones were the ones with the most sway.
As for shenanigans, though, well- one of my first jobs out of school was at a radio station as the late-night deejay. We took quite a few liberties.
- The guy on-air before me usually had a steady parade of tramps coming by, and would try to con me into running the board for him so he could bang them in one of the production studios.
- My friends would come by with booze and we get hammered on-air. I think it made the show funnier, but I was too blitzed to care most times.
- Our morning show co-host came in one Firday night so I could teach her how to run the board. While I was in the production room cutting a commercial before my shift, she came in and used the razor blade we spliced tape with (this was long before digital equipment) to cut a line of coke on the counter.
- We would sail the Sunday morning guy’s gospel records across the lobby to see who could break them into the most pieces.
- The station owner’s son loved to play deejay, so we’d let him go on the air while we borrowed his car to “go to the store”- code for joyrides, including more than one to neighboring states.
- The same guy was on the air, with the mike open, and I went into the booth behind him with a CO2 fire extinguisher and sprayed him with it. It’s amazing the FCC didn’t fine us.
- The FCC did fine us the night Flavor Flav came on my show after a concert and unleashed a torrent of “shit,” “motherfucker,” and “bitches.” He wasn’t pissed or anything, it was just the way he talked.
Memories…
WTB – I posted part 2 early this morning. Say, somewhere around 4 am and about a half a bottle of scotch so don’t blame me if I screwed it up. It was the scotch speaking, not me. Like now, I’m working on the other half.
well, truth be told it was a $10 scratchy. I’d popped @40 in and hit for $50, Cashed that and bought another beer.
A wee little voice in my left ear said
“Play another 10 spot”
and just as I reached in my pocket the other ear whispered
“Count your cash and go home”
The wee little voice won out and won.
I get that a lot to. they have lottery vending machines in NC and that makes it way too easy. Best I hit lately was for $200. I bought a new system board for a PC I was fixing.
When I was in college I had a summer job that was the summer job of all summer jobs. I was a weekend “security guard” at a truck depot. My responsibilities were to (a) refuel the tractor trucks and (b) sweep up the garage floor.
Refueling the tractor trucks was something that people would pay to do. Get in the big rig, fire up that deisel engine, and grind some gears. You haven’t driven until you have driven a big rig. Granted, it was just in the parking lot, but that is the beauty of it. I could perform any maneuver I wanted. No traffic.
Sweeping the garage floor was less satisfying. But it only took an hour or so. After refueling and sweeping, I had the rest of the day to do nothing but earn my pay.
So I began my ritual. Lounge chair, cigars, and beer. After I finished my “work”, I would park my ass in a lounge chair (foldable beach model), drink beer, smoke a stogie or two, and work on my tan. Good times. I had a particularly good tan that year.
One day, the owner stopped by un-announced. Apparently he was not amused by my ritual. But, and this is an amazing but, he did not fire me. Instead, he asked if everything was OK, then left.
Alas, retribution was in store. The next weekend, he stopped by again and informed me that my job had taken on new responsibilities, aka cleaning the restrooms.
It was a tough call, but cleaning truck depot restrooms was not something I was keen on. So I quit. But those few summer weeks that I spent grinding gears and lounging in a parking lot are remembered fondly.
On a side note, in recognition of all of the Scotch Whiskey comments, let me just say this. Congratulations to all of the Surf Reporters that enjoy the mother’s milk. Single malts are fine if you want to overpay for your inebriation, but give me good old JWB. Tastes great and costs less. As a side benefit, there is no requirement to discuss intangible booze characteristics.
Aaaah! Mudders Milk – A we touch of the highlands in every bottle.
Unless of course your drinking that rot gut canadian whiskey. I know I’m gonna here it from this but I’m gonna go above the PG rating I usually maintain. Don’t blame me though, I’m just polishing off the other half of a bottle of Glenlivet 12. If scotch tasted like pussy, every guy and even some women would drop the beers and become connoisseurs. Remember, scotch speaking, not me.
here = hear, yup, it’s the scotch.
Just back from 7 days in Myrtle Beach. Annual week vacation with the In-Laws. (Tanya Harding convention).
Buzz-cut hicklets, tatoos a many, pre-requisite big ass women.
11 hour drive straight through. Ass-a -draggin.
Thank the Good Lord tomorrow is Sunday, otherwise Monday would be “sick day.”
@hardoxdan -
Sounds very relaxing
Europe has it right. Let’s try their model. Sounds good.
The water heater has finally been replaced! To the casual observer, the stifled moans and gasps coming from my bedroom might have been mistaken for the sounds of hanky panky, but alas, it was just me reluctantly taking an ice-cold shower these past few days. (Until now, it never occurred to me that the sounds were so similar.) No one getting any action here. The master bedroom remains as dull and wearisome as ever. (yawn) My only comfort is that I get to take a long, hot shower tonight and sleep in crisp, clean sheets.
New water heater! Woo hoo! Feels good, I bet.
Clean sheets? Shut up!
When my wife wants a vacation to our condo on the beach in Florida I always insist that she just sprinkle salt in the bed. Same thing but better, right? Right? Guess not.
@ Brynhildr – ***SIGH***
@ Jason – If you still need help getting your blog up, hit me on facebook and I will see if I can step you through it. Peace dude.
@ Brynhildr – Hit me on facebook too, would love to chat with you and not use German, to many folks here know how to read it. L8TR
Taiwan on if you are truly a JWB fan you should join us in the striding man society! usually at least a couple of free tastings a year!
How do I get the E-book if I am already on the mailing list? It rejected my submission.
@ Pagan – JWR was my pops favorite. If JW made a single malt, I wouldn’t mind.
Debra….unsubscribe…and sign back up. Jeff will get that fixed I bet…but in the mean time…you’re just tricking a computer….
I’ve decided to give up on Marlene Carter’s in favor of Stouffer’s. They have the best microwave chicken pot pie in the biz. And their salisbury steak and macaroni and cheese is fantastic. They even instruct you NOT to pierce the plastic before heating, and that’s refreshing. Big servings too, unlike a lot of Marlene’s dinners.
Shiny Rod you must try :Johnnie Walker Green Label its blended only from single malts which include its four signature malts Talisker, Cragganmore, Linkwood, and Caol Ila. Sorta like the best of 4 excellent malts in one Bottle:)
It’s like the WSVR Jeff is the single Malt & we’re the Blend
@ Pagan – Would love to join but I’m a bit geographically challenged.
Striding Man Society???
Ok…I’ll go…years ago (’88) I worked in a VW speciality parts store. Off road and steeet stuff too. Everything V’dub….gauges, brakes, mufflers, fenders…..everything. Well …Scott spent all day on the phone…line two. Nice kid all in all and… and I always want to say…”for christ sake Scott…you’re gay….get over it and move on for fucks sake”…but never did. The other guy…aka fat slob…hey, I don’t care about anybody’s body weight…honest….it’s the slob part that bugged me…stunk! Same pair of jeans( and I’m guessing underwear) day after day and I swear he would piss them whenever the guy needed to. Really…the fuck smelled like piss…all the time. I never stood near the guy (cool dude all in all) least someone think me as the pants pisser. All that for five bucks an hour…when I said I was leaving they offered me five fifty.
@ Pagan – Green aye, I was thinking of trying out the blue.
@ Taiwan On – They don’t sell JW in Taiwan? Bummer if they don’t.
@ $5.50 a what? No way man. Not and have to put up with pee dude. I was making $18 an hour in ’88 as a EP Technician for Xerox. Pissy time for me because I was going through a separation/divorce. Won’t make that mistake again. She’s gonna have to be like Ani-ko (check the blog) before I get married again.
Taiwan…www.stridingmansociety.com
That link might be for members you can acess it through Johnniewalker.com
Shiny can’t afford the blue:) Rather spend the money on a decent Cognac!
When I was 17, fresh out of HS, my best friend at the time and I worked for the summer at a WV State Park as housekeepers. 17 year old houskeepers, what a joke. I’ll never forget the first time I knocked on a door and said, “Housekeeping.” And if no one responded, we’d walk right in. Oops, sorry. We supplied our familes with eough towels and sheets to last for several years. The linen room was the best place for naps, all of that semi-dirty laundry in a pile on the floor, it was perfect. We were told we couldn’t have the TV on while we worked. Right. Did you know that when people puke in motel rooms they just leave it for housekeeping? Yeah, I didn’t know that either. Did you know that when newlyweds leave their leftover champagne that housekeepers take it? It was still chilled, an underage drinker’s dream. To this day, I can still make the hell out of a bed.
Eh! I pay $350 for Glennfiddich 30, Now if your talking about the 200th Anniversary, I rather buy a wedding ring and get married. That shit sells at 3500 for 750ml although I have found a dealer who can get it for me at $1300. Remember, I’m single, eh no woman to tell me no, well not yet at least.
Well..as a Las Vegas showroom lead trumpet player…I was making a lot more than eighteen bucks an hour back then….not that I’m pissing on paychecks here…Plus, I was inside a scene no one could imagine. Me,…back stage in the dressing room. Hi , how’s it going to the star, and they seemed to know I was the lead trumpet player. That’s a very important seat on the band!!…wearing a tux and ready to fire off the first high note of the night. Lead trumpet players are cool guys but they will not be fucked with. There was a huge kafuck musicians strike in Vegas in “87 and a lot of guys (me) scrambled. Tony Scoddwell…monster lead player at the Forntier…turned to his hobby….photography. Me…I live in the mountians, carve wood and fix things for folks that need something. I help folks along their way. In hiking vo-cab…it’s called a “trail angel”…and I am just that whether my paycheck shows it or not.
@ DTO – I know it feels good to help folks out. I fix computers for seniors, rebuild them and shit and even pay for parts out of my own pocket. I’ve got two now that I have to ship out to family members. It will be good to get to some folks who really need them. Most folks don’t know I do this out of my own pocket. Eh, now they do. People, do not send me your broke computers. I buy them from state surplus but I appreciate your sentiment. I had a lot of fun when I was younger and did some wild and crazy shit. You can see that on my blog (I know, another cheesy dig).
SR…thanks for reducing/ equating my life to your fixin’ computers for old folks..Why must you answer everyone’s comment….?……..just sayin’…I like you man…really ….but cripes!!! ….And we all now you have a fucking blog….OK!!!
Perfect job = sleeping during the day on soiled linens, pissing yourself in public, and playing lead trumpet on the weekends. Yes, I’d do that for $5.50 an hour. I’d be getting paid for what I already do anyway, suckers.
KNOW….crap
Just making some comparisons, I think your doing a great thing. I appreciate your candor. I just like talking about things and if I have a similar story, I don’t mind sharing my experience. i spend a lot of my day communicating things to people and it carries over into my personal life. A character flaw, maybe but I do over do it so thanks again. Thats what friends are for, sometimes to tell you when to shut up.
Weekend lead trumpet players suck….good luck on a double G…
I was kidding. Double G? I have no fucking idea.
I know man….messing around too…and a double G is a screamer!!
And I guess I would do it all again for $5.50 an hour. I miss thoes days alot…I miss that part of me alot. My horn is always out (no giggling) and I do keep my chops tune ready, but the big high notes are something you have to hammer every night for 1)strenght…2) accuracy….3) confidence. It was a bitch I tell ya and I practiced and practiced and I earned it and…I was one lucky fellow…
Ok…..sorry….I”m done with that…..Bev’s out of town for a while and I’ve been playing a lot more than usual.
SR…chime away sir…there’s a reason you’ll usually see the trumpet player alone, scowlling in the cornor, and I showed that side a bit ago…
Now…is it too early or too late for a beer!?!?
Happy Monday alll…..I gotta go…almost sun-up and a great part of the day
Ok…..now I’m done…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X47v0Mz3N-k
Ah, yes, Krista Garcia. That’s the blogger I was talking about…..