Doggie shame, moldy references, and words that are slightly wrong
It pains me to admit it, but our dog Andy is a bunnist. It’s true. He has a deep-seated hatred of bunnies, based on nothing but species, and regularly discriminates against them while out for his urine-slinging sessions.
Over the years that hound has been responsible for any number of hate crimes perpetrated against the bunny community. And it’s nothing short of heartbreaking… There haven’t been any murders, thank God. But I fear it’s more a result of incompetence on his part, than any sense of mercy.
He sometimes harasses the local squirrel population, as well. And after I scold him, and make a plea for tolerance, he just shoots me a look that says, “What do you call 1200 squirrels and bunnies at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!”
Andy’s now coming up on eight years old, and I fear there’s no changing him. No amount of sensitivity training, I believe, will eliminate the dark, dark shadows of bunnism in his soul.
I am so terribly ashamed.
Anyway… I’ve been paying close attention, and rarely a day goes by when Toney and/or I don’t make a reference to Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Things happen continuously, that remind us of situations on those shows.
I used to make a lot of Andy Griffith references, and when I was an ugly teenager I cranked off Monty Python quotes with abandon (which now horrifies me). But for the past ten years or so, it’s been all Larry David, all the time. Because, I suppose, he’s a straight-up genius.
Sunshine, on the other hand, still ties everything to Saturday Night Live somehow – the original cast! – and it makes my whole body go rigid. Cheeseburga cheeseburga?? What is that, from like fifty years ago? How about an update to M*A*S*H, at least?
And that’s my concern… At what point will I become Sunshine, making everyone shake their heads in disgust at my ancient-ass quoting?
What should be the statute of limitations on something like that? Ten years? Fifteen at the outside? What do you think?
And who makes the moldiest references, of anyone you know?
I used to work with a guy who regularly cranked-off drug “jokes” dating from his early 1970s misspent youth. Whenever he’d happen upon the number 714, for instance, he’d get all animated and start hollering, “714! 714!!”
I still don’t know what he was talking about, and don’t care. Because that dude was Douchey Douchington the high mayor of Douchetown…
And I’m sure we’ve covered this one before, but it’s been a long time. A few days ago I was chatting with a (purposely ambiguous) person, and he said “prostrate” trouble runs in his family.
I wanted to ask if he comes from a long line of people who suddenly lie face down and fully extended, but decided to just keep my mouth shut… and later make fun of him on the internet.
So, what words do you notice people getting slightly wrong? Not whole phrases like “I could care less,” but single words that folks manage to mangle and mutilate.
I have a few more, off the top of my head: punkin, pitcher (instead of picture), Oregone, samwitch, Oldtimer’s disease, libary, supposably, and I could go on and on.
I know a person who, upon leaving a roomful of people, sometimes waves and tries to say adios! But she always pronounces it, hidy-hoase!
And Toney and I worked with a woman in Atlanta who transposed letters when she spoke. Not when she typed, interestingly enough, just when she was speaking.
She once told us she’d bought a new couch at the flea market(!), and kept insisting it was brand new from the manufacturer. “It still had the plascit on it!” she shouted. And we almost stroked-out, trying not to laugh.
So, there ya go. I know this one is a tad abbreviated, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. You can’t go around questioning the update gods…
Have a great day, my friends.
I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
714 was a Qualude.
People here in Dunbar say “Warsh” instead of wash.
No bunnies. Plenty of mice.
4
4:20
heh heh
Top 10 – been a while..
“Expresso” and “exspecially” crawl right up the ol’ spine. Somehow, over the last eight years, I managed to get used to “nucular.”
Nucular.
Makes me shudder just typing it.
Axed instead of asked.
Brefkus instead of breakfast.
my stupidvisor calls a chimney a ‘chimley’ cuz he’s a dumbass.
my mom says ‘Chicargo’ for Chicago…drives me nuts.
an aunt calls the color mauve,’marve’.
and folks that call oil ‘ol’ pretty much send me into a blind rage.
Improper grammar irritates the shit outta me.
aks…ask
loose…lose (when typing…my pants are loose when I lose weight)
Febberary – February
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
“Expotentionally” instead of “exponentially”. The person who uses this “word” is always reaching deep down in his big bag of vocabulary only to come up with a hand full of shit.
Oh, I can’t stand to hear people refer to the drivers license in plural. It is 1 document…not more. You don’t dig “them” out of your pocket, you get IT out of your wallet.
I had a political science prof ask the whole class if the first Gulf War (this was during the war) was all about Earl. Everyone looked around like who the freak is Earl? Someone asked him who Earl was and he seem frustrated and wrote in giant letters on the board OIL while saying Earl.
Still cracks me up
MY MOTHER MAKES THE “H” IN HUMBLE SILENT AND IT DRIVES ME FREAKING NUTS!!!
Big Chimley and worsh – my two most hated WV mispronounciations.
Brefcrust…until I was 5 or 6 was the first meal of the day.
Something is ROTTING or already ROTTEN, it is never ROTTENING damnit!
AXE a QUESHON?
Expresso (really fast coffee?)
I work for a company called Atwood and we make water heaters and regularly people call in asking for information about their atwater products. WTF??
great update BTW Jeff short but hilarious.
I am guilty of referencing “set the wayback machine, Sherman, for the year….”.
And if I meet a Russian couple named Boris and Natasha, I giggle and they’re like, WTF?
I was (still am) a BIG fan of Rocky & Bullwinkle – I think it’s one of the cleverest cartoons ever made.
A really irritating woman I once knew always asked for “mouseturds” in restaurants instead of mustard. It was downright stupid and made the waitstaff treat our whole table like we were dipshits.
K-Marts, Walmarts, Krogers, Sissonsville. What is up with all of the extra S’s in WV?
The whole worsh vs. wash thing… Drives me nuts! My dad says it. I will make fun of that until the day I die. How can one mispronounced word transform an intelligent person into a dumbass instantly?
The Andy story, priceless!
Don’t worry about it Jerry…let’s go get a Millers!
Irregardless makes me insane
Thanks Gawd I wasn’t the only geezer here that remembered the Rorer 714 (that’s right, I’m looking at YOU Ognir!)
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
Aks instead of ask makes me capable of physically harming the speaker-I had a college professor use this over and over in a SPEECH CLASS.
Flutterby instead of butterfly, flustrated instead of frustrated.
Um-can I still hang out? I quote Monty Python all the time.
I say “de-thaw” all the time
So many people pronounce “Wimbledon” as
“Wimbleton” I don’t get it, where does a d = t?
My ex in-laws all said “You-ins”.. as in “You-ins going down to the Wal-Mark to get some soap for the worshin’ machine?”
Yeah, I know.. should have been a BIG red flag.. Live and learn…
Buh-sketty instead of spaghetti.
I do like the word bambalance for ambulance, though.
My grandmother used to say frigidair for refrigerator. I guess that’s closer than icebox.
The neighbor across the street (bless his heart) is so FULL of mispronounciations that every conversation is an adventure. Now, of course, I can’t recall a one of them for the life of me.
He blames it on ‘war trauma,’ or would, if could remember what that plate in his head is uhppose to effek.
An all-time cringe-worthy mispronouncniation = ‘acrost’ instead of across. THERE IS NO T!
At an Italian restaurant… “Would yous like to try the psgehitti, I’m posed to tell yous about our specials too.”
conversate
There are several words said here in Alabama that make me insane. First, end any day of the week with the word “dee” instead of “day”. There are several words that can have a variety of meanings. When they say “rainch” it could mean a tool (wrench), salad dressing, a plot of land, etc.
People in Texas pronounce Houston with a silent H and claim that it’s correct. I always thought that was bullshit. The city wasn’t named after Sam You-ston.
Fanger instead of finger. The last guy that said that to me – they’ll never find his body.
I live in a bi-lingual town and many people mix up expressions when using their second language.
ex: don’t give me no lips (instead of lip)
don’t know why, but I always found that funny
Jeff, I purchased one these for my Hairy Belly Fontaine and she no longer display a hatred to rabbits, squirrels or deer. She has become a model citizen in the animal world but I have been known to “lose” the remote when skate boarders and teens bouncing basketballs come by my house. Simply shocking results and it is so afforadable.
http://www.pet-super-store.com/html/Innotek-Free-Spirit-FS-15-Remote-Trainer.html
It could be that Seinfeld references,have been replaced by people quoting The Office. I suppose it depends on how old you are or were when Seinfeld was becoming a part of everyday society.
My dogs are squirrellists to be sure. I just picked up a beautiful coonhound and since we don’t have any coons around, he’s going to go after the next most delicious thing.
A dear fiend who just passed away used to frequent gentlemen’s clubs in LA that are being taken over by eastern european girls. He used to ask them to say “Moose and Squirrell”. I’m tellin’you, the height (not HEIGHTH) of hilarity.
I don’t have a word but do have a phrase…for all intensive purposes. It’s intents AND purposes, dammit.
BTW-
I love that Steinfeld guy…
How people talk or say certain words does not bother me. To me, it would be a drag if everyone talked or spoke the same way.
This from a man with a backward name…
My favorite is “I could care less what you do”
“fogetaboutit” darn I say any more? Or the song titled “Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)”.
‘Scuse me, while I kiss this guy…
One of the oxygen consumers in the cube-farm at my work put out the following memo in December:
“Deb has ammonia and will not be in this week. Please see me if you need invoices processed.”
Naively I assumed that she meant pneumonia, but had misspelled it and the spell checker substituted ammonia. As it turns out I was wrong: she actually believed ammonia to be inflammation of the lungs caused by an infection.
My word was irregardless, I fully cringe when I hear it and usually correct the person that they just mean regardless.
To defend the grandmother for ‘frigidair’ she may just be using the brand of the refrigerator instead of the word. Like using a Kleenex (tissue) sitting on a davenport (couch) making a xerox (copy). And a Jeff favorite beer nuts, unless he is actually talking about Beer Nuts brand snack mixes.
my mom mispronounces various fruits and vegetables with regularity.
Strawberries are “strawburries” (same applies to blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, etc.)
Onions are “ungyuns”
Potatoes are “pataduhs”
People ask me all the time if I’m British. I’m hoping it’s because of my voice and not because of my teeth or something.
This turned into one of my more traditional posts. Can you tell it’s spring break?
I had a dog who was a specist, and possibly serial killer too. She absolutely hated squirrles but was too slow adn earthbound to do anything about it. Her confirmed body count was 5 racoons, 2 porcupines, 1 skunk, and one cat. I also saw her chase a cat up a 10 ft brick wall. The overhang of the roof prevented it from going anywhree after that, so it just clung to the bricks and hissed at her. I put the dog back in the house, knocked the cat off the wall with a pool skimmer and laughed for a good long while.
I thnk the rule of thumb on quoting movies and TV is that you can only attempt an old quote if you are speaking to someone else for whom the reference was contemporary and is of similar mindset as the quoter.
For example, if one veteran of WW II says “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” to another WW II veteran, then fine. A GenX’er may never use it, and is not expected to fully appreciate it even if used coorectly by a member of the greatest generation. The WW II vet may also never utter the phrase “whatchoo talkin’ bout, Willis?” to anyone in any circumstance.
OK, bad example, that one is long dead, but you get the idea. I think Dyn O Mite! is also best left to the ages.
That being said, I think certain references are almost timeless. Caddyshack is one of those. As was once pointed out on Saturday Night Live (when Tim Meadows was in the cast) any man between the ages of 18 and 50 who is not able to quote from Caddyshack may be suspected of homosexuality.
Top Gun references have worn thin, as have all the Austin Powers stuff.
I think Beam me up has withstood the test of time, as has What’s up Doc?. Peter Boyles “Holy Crap!” should last forever. I still like the “get medeval on their ass” but I’m afraid I may have kept that one a little past it’s expiration date.
Forrest Gump quotes are also starting to weaking, especially the whole “box of chocolates” bit. And speaking of Tom Hanks, “Houston, we have a problem” is now done.
Almost anything from a John Hughes movie is now unquotalbe, and the only person in the world who is “getting too old for this shit” is Danny Glover.
You may never use the phrase “Yo, Adrian” unless you are actually hailing someone named Adrian and have failed to get their attention by simply yelling their name, or prefacing it with the more appropriate “Hey”.
Men have to stop using Star Wars references the moment they see their first real live female breast except when in the company of other men who were also former dorks. Star Wars qutoes may not be made where women are present lest those men never have the opportnuity to see a real live breast again.
My mother in law calls those giant dogs Mastics. It drives me crazy and I picture big dogs with tile stuck to them. She also says pitcher for picture.
It’s not malk, it’s milk.
Anyone who says supposably needs to be sent somewhee for gramar rehabilitation.
I;m sure there are more, but I need to get dinner started.
Let’s just blame the typos on rushing and not using the spell checker shall we? I know, for example, that it’s supposed to be weaken, not weaking.
Shiny, I was afraid you were gonna quote another Sly song “Don’t call me n*****, whitey”.
Can’t believe I’m the first to check in with this one (unless I overlooked it above): SUPPOSABLY instead of SUPPOSEDLY.
AAAAAAUGHHHH!
I say why fight it: by the time I’m surrounded by people who don’t appreciate a conversation sprinkled with quotes from Fletch or the Simpsons, I suspect I’ll be too senile to care.
Living long enough to be an obstinate, out of touch, dirty old man is one of my biggest life ambitions.
I used to have a boss that would say mines. For example: “That’s mines paper over there.” The woman had an MBA, but acted like she was an uneducated P.O.S. I just wanted to slap her across the face as I kicked her out of my office.
Celine Dion: Titanic Soundtrack:”the hotdogs go on” check it out people before I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey-bottom biters.
Skully –
Millers.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hey! Did all you’s have a Happy Valentime’s Day an’at there? I did! I pacifically liked it when my boyfriend tooken me to a new restaurant! ‘Nuff said.
I think the Seinfeld references are already highly annoying. I have a friend who does that, too. Don’t say ‘big salad,’ vegetable lasagna,’ or anything to do with soup in his presence. NO SOUP FOR YOU! Ugh.
My losing battle is with the use of the words “woman” or “women” as an adjective. Drives me nuts!!!! You wouldn’t say “I went to the ER and was seen by a man nurse” – it sounds wrong. So why is it OK to use terms like woman doctor??? It’s FEMALE.
urgh. Rant over.
My father used to always substitute Farst for Farce & Pacific for Specific. Great dinnertime competition between me & my brother to trick him into using them conversationally.
Since I’m from there phonetically it’s pronounced Ory-Gun.
My mom had the plans for her new house looked over by an arc-u-tect. Pretty sure he checked the placement of the chimbley while he was looking them over.
Here’s an interesting question for you all… what time would you expect to eat “dinner”? My Dad and I have this ongoing argument. I say dinner is in the evening (i.e. supper). He says it’s at noon (i.e. lunch). I know the formal definition of dinner… just wanted everyone else’s take on it.
Ironical. Like nails on a chalkboard…
I little girl I know says all she wants for Christmas is a purple hulla-loop….
Sherbert. People, there’s only one “r” in sherbet. Sherbet!
Oh, and my parents went to Ha-wai-ya on vacation a few years ago.
The noon meal is lunch. The evening meal is dinner. The word supper is not in my vocabulary.
Breastes and Prastise
(ie) I watched the girl with the big breastes prastise basketball. WTF?!
dinner is at night, there’s no such thing as supper.
I don’t recall exactly what Mr. Kay sounds like, as it has been a long time since he posted the clips of himself on the radio. But, it he was from Boone County, instead of Kanawha County, then he would speak a lot differently than he does.
I never noticed the way I talk, or how I say certain words until I had an English class about such things. My girlfriend is from New York (or New Yark as I say it) and she often laughs at the way I pronounce certain words.
She also has a funny story about not being to be understood at the McDonald’s drive through in Grafton a few summers back.
Hey Now! Nothing Wrong with the ‘cheeseburger cheeseburger…’ quote. I’ll throw that one out when the settings are appropriate. I was just a kid during that era, so there is no old senility grasping on the past for that one. (Who recognizes the other quote I used? That one I use too often).
Dinner is in the evening: Supper. My parents are of the mindset that dinner is at noon time.
As for Andy, he’s a herding dog, let him vent his natural tendencies on those yard vermin.
Ognir, he wouldn’t speak differently THAN he does…he would speak differently FROM HOW he does.
Sorry, you is right.
People who pronounce moot “mute” – I think they really think it IS mute, as in it’s silent. Also, I’ve heard a few people say “parameter” when they mean perimeter. And of course, those who pronounce height as “hithe” are the most likely to be the ones measuring it.
On message boards, I’d say that “to” and “too” are used incorrectly exactly 50% of the time.
You know, there’s a Seinfeld episode about tired references. The one where they greet each other with a “HELLO!” from the talking belly-button voice. Kramer tells Jerry it’s “played”.
I work with a guy who hasn’t really watched TV since the 1st season of SNL. He’s not familiar with any references to the Simpsons, Beavis & Butthead, Seinfeld, South Park, The Office, Office Space, etc.
I think you guys are all wrapped to tight – The Earl / Oil was funny though.
Dudley – you proved my point … “wrapped to tight”.
I couldn’t have planned that any better.
I often hear people confusing the words conscious and conscience. For example: I had an aunt who would say, “That knocked him straight unconscience, but after a few minutes he came true.” Came true? I had to walk away.
NDfaninAZ – I agree with you, but pronouncing it correctly ruins the joke:
Hey Ernie, want some ice cream?
Sure Bert!
I had a speech professor in college who spoke with an obvious lisp. She would say, and I qote, “I don’t have a speech impediment, it’s a wegionawism (regionalism)”
Priceless!
I work with a woman who says “lividid” instead of “livid”. Drives me nuts.
Also, when people pronounce the “t” in often, though both ways may be correct.
Who knows.
Oh, and people who say “rule” instead of “rural”. Especially when it’s some newscaster on tv. I think they should know better, I guess.
Irregardless is actually a word (I looked it up).
However, “smart” people will bust your balls if you use it.
True, it’s outdated , but it’s STILL a legitimate word, goddammit!
I use regardless.
I like to act smart,
and believe me,
it’s an act.
Time for my meds.
I’m a big fan of “Rickyisms”.
Language mutilation Norm Crosby style.
I’m currently enrolled in a continuing ed class:
Photoshop Elephants 7.0.
Good day.
I work with a woman who actually pronounces the “l” in salmon. SInce discovering this, I can no longer sit near her when we go out for work-related functions. It seems that salmon is one of her favorite meals.
Wooder, the clear liquid stuff that runs from your faucets. Wooderice, the cold stuff sold at Rita’s. Sometimes they have woodermelon flavor wooderice.
@retrollama:
Has she read any books by Salmon Rushdie?
I know someone who says “abdomum” for “abdomen”. Also “medium” for the median in a street. She knows better , but they are old pronunciations from chilhood, and they still slip out.
Rick you are both right: In general, people in rural parts of America, Canada, and other Anglophone countries eat breakfast, dinner and supper. In these cases, dinner typically happens at midday . Their evening meal is smaller than the midday meal and is commonly called ‘supper’. People who work in “white collar” positions, typically eat dinner in the evening. Their midday meal is called lunch and is often a small and quick meal, Apologise to your Dad Goddammit!
Didn’t Cat Stevens try to “fry” Salmon Rushdie?
Stillers for Steelers
shtreet for street (just one example of “sht” replacing “st”)
shoulda went – no! no! no! it’s should have GONE
chillren
Eye-talian
your vs. you’re
lose vs. loose
to vs. too
just to name a few
My father is one of the worst offenders. He refers to basmati rice as BALSAMIC rice. Once while we were watching Jeopardy, a contestant used a wrong word in his answer, and my father couldn’t understand what the problem was until Alex gave the correct phrase, to which my father responded, “Same thing!” Uh, no it isn’t, Mr. Balsamic. My father is never amused when I correct him, but I just can’t help myself.
My mother, however, is a “furriner” and thus gets a free pass when she messes up – even if she has lived in this country longer than she lived in the Fatherland.
This stuff just chaps my hide. God, I need a drink.
In my experience, “dinner” is a formal evening meal. “Supper” is informal, both in language usage as well as the type of food eaten.
byoo-dee-full
Question for y’all…. In CA we refer to a “guard rail” on the side of a road, as in a big piece of metal that is there to “guard” against your car going off the side of the road in case of an accident. Now, in certain places, a “guard rail” is called a “guide rail” in both written and spoken English. Does that mean that the rail is used to “guide” your car as you drive down the road, ’cause y’all can’t drive proper-like? Jus’ wunnern’.
you’d have one scraped up car if it was a “guide rail”!
Till instead of until. I use it but when a higher up is sending out a mass company email I don’t think it should include phrases like “till the legislation passes …”
I was surprised as a child to learn that lemon-aid was spelled as two words instead of lemmenade.
Febberarrie. It’s February, damn it. Also, I know a guy who pronounces the name of a certain Pennsylvania city as “Reeding” instead of “Redding,” and insists that it is an acceptable alternate pronunciation. He also says “Lie-berry” and “For all intensive purposing…”
uh……nevermind
i was at a bar the other night, some guy was trying to pick me up, he was nice enough, decent looking, etc…. but I realized it would never work between us when he kept mentioning his torn “Rotator Cup”.
Pretty sure it’s lemonade
I second that, Jorge
I guess I’ll get drunk tonight. I tore my rotator cup and I need to do something to dull the pain. Fixin to start drinkin any minute now.
I forgot about phrases that need to die, Git r dun needs to be over in fact i wish it had never been started. Also you are not doing good, Superman does good. You are doing well.
Jeet yet?
No, joo?
“Cheer” instead of “chair”
“For all intensive purposes” instead of “For all intents and purposes”
“I placed an order offline”
uh .. it’s “online” ..
“Certifi-sit” instead of “Certificate”
Home “De-Pot” instead of Depot
I HATE when some one refers to the UPS truck
as the “ups” truck.
(aka not downs but ups)
.. oh and it in NOT .46 cent
..it is .46 CENTS !!!
‘Breffix’ instead of ‘breakfast’.
‘Verbage’ instead of ‘verbiage’.
A place I used to work sold video projectors made by a company called Barco. One of our customers referred to his as “the barcode”.
That’s about all I have. Let’s pedantic!
My uncle’s wife used to say “beeth roast” for beef. Drove me crazy. She also referred to K-mark instead of K-mart and called the crevice tool on her vacuum a “cervix” tool.
My mom called the restaurant Chick A Fil and said viral when she meant virile.
notary republic
It’s not an issue of pronunciation, but I’m with teenagers all day and I can’t stand it when they use the word “ignorant” incorrectly.
I’m telling them all the time that “ignorant” does NOT mean rude, but rather “lacking knowledge”.
had a friend who referred to unbranded items as negeric and fine porcelain as cheramic
oh can’t believe I forgot this one in Philadelphia area there is a store named ACME. Many people pronounce as ACK-A-Me.
Which has led me to quip “only the pure of heart can see the hidden syllable in the sign”
Your car is equipped with a “catalytic converter”, not a “Cadillac converter.” The only possible exception is if you do in fact drive a Cadillac, in which case you could make an argument that your car is in fact equipped with a “Cadillac converter”, but that would make you a douchebag.
just a few
1) eck-cetera instead of et cetera. drives me batshiat, and i work with THREE people who say this daily.
2) orientate. BAAUGH!
3) EYE-talian. why is this so hard?
4) supposably. this is funny when it’s purposefully mispronounced, but not otherwise.
5) verse-vice-uh instead of vice-versa. i kid you not. dude says it all of the time at work.
6) far and few between. more BAARGH.
many more, but i need a cocktail right now. and my wife wonders why i drink..
b
My Mother – ‘Beg’ = BAG; ‘Tresh’ = Trash
My Semi-Retarded Aunt (At least I think she is…) – SaLmon = Salmon (pronounce the L); ‘QuesadiLLa’ = Quesadilla (Pronounce both Ls)
Ignoramus Coworker – ‘O-reagon’ = Oregon
Former Ignoramus President – ‘Nucular’ = Nuclear
Exscape!
When people say “idiot” …and they really mean…
“stupid fucking idiot”!
OMG! It’s official: I’m pathetic. Just heard someone use this one for the millionth time, so I had to run back to my laptop and tell you.
“Between you and I” is incorrect. It should be “between you and ME.” For the love of god, please….!
Bill in PA: Rickyisms! I LOVE the Trailer Park Boys!
“Remember what comes around is all around”
“Supply and command”
“Denial and error”
“Cakey pants…no..it’s Khaki pants Ricky…”
” That was her mating name…No Ricky, It’s her maiden name.”
GOD I LOVE THE TRAILER PARK BOYS!!!
A customer and I stop for lunch in New Jersey several years ago. He is mid-sixties and a crusty quarry maintenance guy.
The waitress is about seventy, with the cigarette voice and has about two pounds of red lipstick applied half-way up her top lip.
She insists on telling us about the daily specials, one of which are Fajitas, but says “Our fajita is excellent, everybody’s raving about it.” She pronounces fajita as FAJ ITA, with a strong “J”, and walks away.
Customer says loudly “I’ve seen her FAJ ITA and it’s nothing to rave about”
The table behind me had drinks coming out their noses. I could not look at the old waitress without laughing after that.
A former coworker of mine used to tell me about this guy he worked with at a Kroger warehouse who used to mispronounce a lot of different things -example: “I can’t seem to breath today. Must be too much polident in the air…” or “I didn’t move that there. Man, we must have a polder-dyke!” and “I fell alseep before my head hit the pildow!” We always referred to these mispronunciations as “nucular chimleys.”
The oil=earl thing is real common here. My mom (a proud Boone County gal) always pronounces the word “worry” as “wary.” “Be careful driving in the rain. I wary about you.”
The hard T sound on the word “often” drives me crazy, although it might actually be an acceptable pronunciation?
Certain cultural or popmedia references drive me fucking batty. One of my old unit commanders in the Air Force used to always affect a feaux-rasta accent and say “We be jahmmin’ mon!” whenever something notable was accomplished, and it always made me want to throw a hammer at his head. It sounded particularly funny coming from him since he was the whitest black man I’ve ever known in my life.
Pacifically instead of specifically….
My mother once called Donkey Kong “Konky Dong”. I still get a bang out of that this many years years later.
Speaking of video games, I made an oblique Seinfeld reference today to someone too young to be in the know. His car had broken down and he got it pushed almost to his garage, but he gave up when he realized he’d have to get it across a busy four lane highway. I asked him if he’d ever played Frogger.
Years years? I gotta go to bed.
“It’s all good.” That makes me crazy!
My husband and I were once around someone who said digilent instead of diligent. Now my husband says it that way all the time just to mess with me. I’m starting to forget which way is right.
Man you people really live with stupidos…I don’t hear any of that shit here in SO. NH or ‘Mass North” as they call it….the worst is “ex-cetera” which is more common than the proper ‘et cetera.’
oh, and 7) eck-specially…
sleep now
I’m not sure if this counts as a single word or not, but a lot of people in my company say “outlining”, when they mean “outlying”. It comes up fairly often on conference calls when they are talking about “outlying” stores in remote areas as opposed to stores in the core market area of our closest major metropolitan area. Whenever I hear someone misusing the word, I must restrain myself from shouting and frothing into the phone.
“biscetti” As in “what do you want for dinner?”
I had a Food & Beverage director if we needed all that foilage on a dish. I told him there was no aluminum foil in the restaurant and called him a jackass for not knowing what foliage was. Didn’t keep that job long:)
My dumbass sister in law lets her tea bag “seep” for two minutes
I ‘steep’ for 3 ….
“Frashlight” as in “Hand me the frashlight. It’s dark-thirty in here”.
Then for Than.
As in “My milkshake is better then your’s.” AAAARRRRGGGG.
My brother messes up the word photogenic. He says he’s not very photosexual.
My hard-headed boxer Lucy is on a mission from God (sorry) to rid the world of squirrels, skateboards, bicycles and ATV’s. I need to buy that remote trainer before I get sued.
I know this dates me but I still say, “Never mind that shit; here comes Mongo!” (Blazing Saddles) and “Louise, I’m very hungry; could you bring me my lunch?” (Being There) I still quote Airplane! too.
Here in the deep South our own guv’ner talks about casinas and restrunts.
My SO’s mother once mentioned the “GI Joe Bill.”
My own well-educated father refers to tarnadas (with a long a), cone-er instead of corner, herrikins instead of hurricanes (we have a lot of those down here), and exclaims “look a yonder!” when something exciting happens. When you leave a room and the light is on, you are “suppose” to “cut if off.” It’s enough to make somebody have to “carry” you to the “horsepital.”
Improper use of the subjective case drives me nuts. “Suzy invited he and I to the party” makes me want to hit the speaker over the head with a board.
I’ve seen fellow attorneys argue, “That argument doesn’t pass mustard” and “he was tried by a jury of his piers.” Oh, the humanity!
Many of my Sub-Saharan Nubian friends around here refer to those small edible crustaceans as “scrimps.”
On the outdated reference issue, we have a coworker who regularly says “Homie don’t play that!”
Also,
Used to work with a guy who loved to eat chicken cooked on a “ross-uh-TEER. (rotisserie)
John Hughes Movie Quotes ARE NOT DEAD, SIR
“Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.”
… You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.
Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie.
Not dead.
“Smoke up, Johnny!”
“For better hallway vision”
“Can I have all my doobage?”
“Impossible, Sir. It’s in Johnson’s underwear.”
“What if he had elephantitis of the nuts?”
.. “He’d have to ride shotgun”
THE BEST EVER:
“Screws fall out all the time.
The world is an imperfect place.”
ALL THIS FROM ONE JOHN HUGHES MOVIE
so yeah. these quotes have life until I say they are dead.
Homie don’t play that is as timeless as they get.
Quesadillas and fajitas are great ones. I’ve hears Quee-say-deal-as instead of kay-sa-di-yas many times and fa-gee-tas is pretty common too.
I say per-nounced instead of pro-nounced.
Barney once told Otis that his “torn calcium” must be very painful.
Joo-ler-y
Read it: jewel-ry.
Yeesh.
Actually – I think anyone who uses Seinfeld references is probably pushing the limit. That show went off in 1998. Even if if continues to survive in reruns to this day (don’t ask me how THAT happened) it’s still O L D.
I hate it when people start a story, and the first phrase they come up with is
“well, you see, what had happened was”
How does that even sound right in your head?
I recently got the complete 3rd and 4th seasons of Saturday Night Live on DVD and they are still the best two seasons. Don’t care how old they are.
Also, I hate it when people want to “dialogue” with me. You can’t “dialougue” with me. Dialogue is a noun.
In WV half of the linkhorns say Marlington. It’s Marlinton.
There’s also Sissonsville for Sissonville.
Malmy = Mommy.
Liberry = library.
I heard a guy pronounce ensemble as onsomblay.
A friend of mine that works in radio told me about an announcer that was supposed to read a script that said, “The epitome of mobile homes” and he pronounced it as it was spelled, “epi-tome”.
“my bad.”
Your bad what?
“Onsomblay” is just the French pronunciation. I hope you kicked him hard in the nuts.
“dinner is at night, there’s no such thing as supper.”
In my part of the world we eat our celebratory meals like Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and Easter, generally between noon and 2:00 PM. Yet I don’t beleive I’ve ever had Thanksgiving Day Lunch.
When we have a meal to celebrate somebody’s birthday or have an big meal in recognition of something its usally during the evening. Yet I have never had “supper” at a wedding.
Dinner is a large celebratory or formal meal, regardless of the time. If you have dinner everynight I’d hate to see your grocery bill.
Supper has its roots in latin and means “to eat the evening meal”
So Lunch is at noon, and its an everday ordeal.
Supper is the evening meal every night of the week.
Dinner is something special and can be at anytime during the day.
Yo never gets old.
“Car” is the most widely spoken of the Nicobarese languages spoken in the Nicobar Islands of India, but to me it’s what I drive to work in each day.
oblvios – after 25 years working in roadway design I can tell you that it is guardrail. Now there is such a thing as guiderail, as seen here:
http://www.hahacomix.com/temp/2008_FDOT_Standards_187.pdf
What part of the French-speaking world does “onsombLAY” come from? I’m trying to educate myself.
girlgoyle:
back on the plantation we alway’s branded the Negerics!
Doug – thanks for the link, but that appears to be something different from the guide rails I’ve seen. If I recall correctly (it’s been a few years), one of the signs that referenced a guide rail rather than a guard rail was on Highway 60, just north of Picksburgh, PA. Don’t know if it’s still there. Perhaps it has been corrected by now.
I did however find this:
http://www.dihighway.com/products/guide.php
Just trying to edjicate myself. I’ll shut up now.
@oblivios:
http://www.acapela-group.com/text-to-speech-interactive-demo.html
I used Bruno to pronounce “ensemble”.
Mark me down for “irregardless”…I hate those fuckers.
When a Bar Tender is at work, they TEND BAR!
I use a Spell Checker to CHECK MY SPELLING!
We have a friend who “supposively” puts “cimminun” on her toast when she’s visiting the “Sixteen Chapel” looking at all the pretty “ormanents”.
On the other hand – I’ve been recently busted (and am trying to correct myself) saying “strawbry” and “bluebry” – I’ll be damned if I know how I picked that up.
@ Gretchen – I took the last part of “”onsomblay” to be the English “lay”as in “to lay down”, a long vowel sound. The French pronunciation is closer to “luh”, which is much shorter. Perhaps I misunderstood what Leon was trying to say.
Anyone schooled here in S.E. ky takes a “sure” to “worsh” the stink off. Uggghhhhh
flustered and frustrated….
I think this must be a local thing, hubbys’ family are from the Cincin. are and they never add the “s” to the end of “cent” …like, your change is 13 cent….bloody hell….maybe they make change 1 cent at a time?
Cincin. area…dammit….
Oh, and my parents went to Ha-wai-ya on vacation a few years ago.
Ha-wai-ya? Fine thanks for asking!
Good night, I’ll be here all week.
Lucysmama: Mel Brooks movies, and Airplane!, quotes are NEVER old.
“I knew it! I’m surrounded by Assholes!” (Spaceballs)
“And don’t call me Shirley.” (Airplane)
Me and Jeff had a buddy back in the day tell another buddy that he was pissed at, that he’d better shut up or he was going to get a “knuckle full of sandwiches”.
Lucysmama: Looks like you picked the wrong week to quit loving great movie quotes.
And CitizenX, I was just in my office, and I heard a ruckus!
Also, on the other subject, I once knew an exchange student who complained of having to push a lawn mowing machine because of Grandpa’s “hyena”. Get it right, furriner!
Every Thursday evening when I’m eating my dinner Kath & Kim is on. That there Molly Shannon comes up with some good ones. I am not sure if they are proper malapropisms–but she makes me shake my head and say, “what?”
in Missouri people in the Jeff City area say Missoura. My mom was from there and she also said yella (yellow) and winda (window). Everyone from St. Lois seems to say “warsh” (wash). When I first joined the Navy I had to train myself to consciously pronounce wash instead of warsh, since i had never been out of Missouri before and didn’t know any different. Some from St. Louis also say farty (forty) fark (fork) and so on. My dad used to say “lookie yonder” and my aunt used to say “i’ll Swanie” (no direct translation except something along the lines of Holy Shit or Ya don’t say!) and “cream cone” (ice cream cone) as in “Ya’ll wnat a cream cone and cold drank?” But i really hold these colloquialisms dear to my heart as it reminds me of those gone but not forgotten in my life.
Quotes that will never die: Forty years down the road I’ll still probably be yelling “You tell ‘em I’m comin’, and HELL’S COMIN’ WITH ME!!!” when I’m pissed off and looking for someone.
That’s right Rick, ’cause “I’m your huckleberry.”
I could write for an hour about this, but I’ll use restraint.
One that drives me batshit insane is when people write “would of” instead of “would have,” as in “If I had been there I would of kicked her teeth in.” I see it all the time in comment sections like this but on my local newspaper’s website. Those are a whole different animal – just a bunch of pussy shitfuckers (cursing arsenal deployed) who sit at their computers bitching and whining about things and taking shots at people from the safety of their screennames.
And back on point, the other one that pisses me off is sort of snobbish, but it has to do with the word “historic.” Some people say “An historic moment,” while others say “a historic moment.” It has to do with whether you pronounce the H or not, and the Associated Press says either is acceptable. But if you use “an,” the H is supposed to be silent, as in “an ‘istoric moment.” But especially around the inauguration, I kept hearing assholes on the radio saying “an HHHHistoric moment,” and kept clenching my asscheeks.
i’m really late, but had to throw my two cents in. there have been a lot of words that really irritate me already talked about(license as a plural being top of the list), but i can’t believe no one mentioned ‘jagwire’ for jaguar or ‘tagger’ for tiger! these drive me absolutely nuts! are they just a local(northwest pa.) thing? i realize this probably won’t even be read at this point, but i had to get it off my chest! thanks!
My neighbor uses a word that I have tried looking up in every dictionary…but cannot find. She’ll say, “When Ella (her daughter) throws a tantrum in Target, I get so FLUSTRATED.”
My husband and I think she confusing and combining FRUSTRATED and FLUSTERED. I don’t have the heart or desire to correct her. It is too funny to hear a college educated woman who is almost 40 using a word like FLUSTRATED.
I have a cousin who calls Pepsi “Pepspi” His reasoning? “Because it has two ‘p’s”
Honestly?
Anyway, and also my nana (who isn’t as old as she sounds…she’s only 54…and yes I’m fully grown before anyone asks…we breed young in my family) says “per se” completely inappropriately. I can’t even explain it…but it’s very irritating.
And lastly, my boyfriend says “animant” instead of either adimant (sp?) or animate…I’m not sure…he only says it when he’s upset or angry about something so i can’t ask…haha.