Dead Magazines and the Hair Down There
This morning I was perusing a well-known blog, scrolling past all the political half-truths and communist propaganda, before finally zeroing-in on something clickable.
The words pube-trimming pulled me in…
The article at the other end of the link, this one, turned out to be a humor column by a Brit named Charlie Brooker. And I thought it was hilarious, almost perfectly executed. In fact, I opened gmail and fired off the link to a few of my friends.
Then I started reading the comments at the page where I originally found the piece, and was surprised by the reaction. There were a lot of people, it seemed, who thought the article was a shallow examination of the subject(??), probably homophobic, and quite possibly misogynistic.
A humor column about pubic hair!
I sincerely don’t understand how a person could have a stick jammed so far up their ass. Do they ever laugh? Or do they just walk around on high-alert all the time, looking for violations against The Code?
Sheesh. And these are undoubtedly the same people who accuse conservative religious-types of being humorless and judgmental. I think both ends of the spectrum have been stretched so far at this point, they’ve wrapped around and the two camps are now side by side.
I guess it’s a good thing the National Lampoon isn’t being published anymore, huh? It would undoubtedly cause thousands to wail in righteous outrage, then curl up in the floor and have a good cry. Thousands, from both groups of do-gooders.
But, anyway. Back to the subject of male pube-trimming… Any opinions on it? I’ve got nothing to offer on this one, I’m afraid. I’m 45, and from West Virginia.
Also, do you see anything offensive about the article? Perhaps I’m just an insenstivie bastard? Anything’s possible.
And speaking of defunct magazines, are there any that you genuinely miss? I loved Creem, Trouser Press, National Lampoon and, from my baseball card days, The Trader Speaks.
Creem might’ve been the best of ‘em all. They usually had some big-name hair band on the front, to move copies off the grocery store shelves, but the music they covered inside was always hipper than it had a right to be.
And the writers were great. I won’t bore you with a list, but I could crank off the names of ten or twelve of their regulars, right off the top of my head.
Creem was also the funniest music mag, by a long shot. Every issue was a riot.
I grew up reading Mad, and graduated to National Lampoon when I was thirteen or so. It was edgier, with nudity on occasion, and clerks sometimes refused to sell it to me. Which was very exciting.
When I was in junior high I read an article in the magazine called “My Vagina,” by John Hughes (yes, that John Hughes), and I thought it was just about the greatest thing ever accomplished by humankind. Even greater than the pyramids…
In case you’re unfamiliar, “My Vagina” is the story of a sixteen year old boy who wakes up one morning with female genitalia. There was a companion piece, called “My Penis,” which was also genius. Both pieces blew me away. I tried to write similar stories, in a similar style, and was disappointed to realize it’s a lot harder than it looks.
The National Lampoon, I think, changed the way my brain works. And it’s probably part of the reason I thought that British ball-shaving story was such a hoot…
Trouser Press was a really good music magazine, which covered the obscure bands I liked at the time. I still have every copy I ever purchased, with flexi-discs intact.
And The Trader Speaks was a publication for hardcore sports memorabilia nutcases. Which was me, circa 1978 or so. I can still remember how the pages smelled, when they were fresh off the press. I subscribed for years, and devoured every word – even the tiny classified ads in the back.
So, there you go. Defunct magazines and topiary of the crotch…
You guys can take it from here, if you’d like.
And I’ll see ya next time.
Filed under: Daily
First?
Second!
It doesn’t mention what material the Snuggie is made from. Probably 100% polyester which would give me a static shot every time I touched anything. Not that I really want one. How silly do those people look!?!
Third biatch.
I’d give that chick in the ad a snuggie.
You’re right, Jeff – Creem WAS the greatest rock magazine ever! They had the funniest writers and had the grande distinction of being Lester Bangs’ (pbuh)home base. They were the antidote to Rolling Stone’s smug, self-righteous, pseudo-intellectual LeftThink (which always just killed me – If there’s ANYTHING in this world that absolutely SHOULDN’t be intellectualized, it’s rock music!). I also loved Trouser Press; they were humorless, but delivered the goods in so many other ways.
My experiences with Nat Lamp is similar to yours. I first picked up an issue at the Arcade News newsstand in Charleston back when I was a young teen, primarily for the Vaughn Bode Cheech Wizard strip in the back, and became mildly obsessed with it. I quickly gained the impression that Lampoon’s humor was of a more sophisticated variety, which demonstrates just how far my head was up my ass during those years, but after a few months of reading stuff from the great P.J. O’Rourke and really great art from comic stalwarts like Ralph Reese, Neal Adams and Russ Heath, I was sure I’d stumbled upon some little piece of forbidden-teen heaven. I showed my copies to all my friends, but they couldn’t have cared less. I eventually subscribed and read it up through my adult years until its last gasp; the really crappy final years of a once great publication.
Top Ten!
I trim, I am not ashamed to say so, my GF prefers less shrubbery when, ahh, down there, but always did trim.
And let us not forget the *original* “Vacation” stories in NatLamp ; )
top 10 woot!
i used to trim my pubes but my hand sliped and i became a jew.
I got a snuggy years ago… only then they called it a robe
Ten Hut!!!
Early morning update, I like it…
I’d have to agree that any rankle this fine article caused was a result of an atrophied humor gland. Why just last night, it was Mrs. Shifty who told ME “Just tell us a joke, show us your bum and piss off.”
And no, there is no “tranquil arboretum in miniature” in my trouser press, baby.
For defunct magazines, I sometimes get nostalgic for Factsheet Five. I know the Internets have made such things obsolete, but in my high school mini-comic days, that magazine was my main confirmation that there were other nerds and goofballs hiding out all over the country. And of course No Depression folded earlier this year.
Nothin’ wrong with the occassional trim down there. Just to keep it from bein’ scraggly. I’m sure all us guys don’t like it when we go down there wif our ladies and it’s like licking the top of Billy Preston’s (early ’70s) head. I tend not to style my do, though.
Jeff-
I too remember the “My Vagina” story. It was frightening because, in the mind of a teenager, it actually seemed possible. The details in the story about figuring out tampons and maxi-pads (the roots of PMS), trying to hide it from everyone (EPIC FAIL) and how it brought him closer to his buddies (in a manner of speaking) are classic. That story still sticks with me to this day.
Can’t say anything about manscaping
I agree with a trim and not a shave. Just take the beard trimmer and run it over the lawn. It just looks silly if you shave, especially if you have a happy trail or other hair in the general vicinity that dead-ends. I say if you shave, you better shave it all or you’ll look like the 40 year old virgin…only lower.
“I think both ends of the spectrum have been stretched so far at this point, they’ve wrapped around and the two camps are now side by side.”
So true- the far right libertarian and the far left radical have always been close enough to hold hands.
I would not shave my pubes because I am a grown-ass man who knows better.
I was a hardcore MAD reader back in the day.
The blog you are talking about has to be MeFi, the description fits it to a tee
I was not offended at all by that article and actually laughed out loud at my desk. I am all for cleanliness, but marrying a manly man, I think it would be very unsettling to see a trimmed area around Wally’s package. Susan, I agree with the shaving aspect but when did all of this metro-sexual nonsense start? And why?
I did not find the article offensive in one bit, rather quite hilarious….and the comments below it were even funnier.
As a woman, I can say a full on caveman bush is quite a turnoff. Who wants to stick their face in that? If you expect me to keep mine neat, I expect the same from you.
Just a little trimming is sufficient. And it DOES make it look bigger.
I’ve never felt the need to trim my bush. It’s blonde, I don’t grow a lot of hair (even on my chest) naturally.
There was this magazine called “The Oxford American” and I think it’s been defunct for about 5 years now. They had the greatest articles, very weird.
Top 100 !!!!!!! Fuckin’ A baby…..
“To trim or not to trim”, that is the question……
http://www.shaveeverywhere.com
I was at my brother’s house and the president of his company and his mistress were over when in a drunken moment of stupidity my brother launched into a dialogue about how shaving his balls made his tool look bigger.
I just drank my beer and smiled.
Boy Howdy, I miss Creem! Never missed an issue – even had a t-shirt.
I had a big box of MADs and Nat Lamps from the late 60s/early 70s at my parent’s house. MY MOTHER THREW THEM AWAY. If my father were still alive that wouldn’t have happened, but I digress.
I almost spit out my coffee when you mentioned “My Vagina”. Haven’t thought of that in years. We have the same taste in mags, Jeff (except for that Baseball Card one, of course).
My waxer does Manzilians – Brazilians on men. A LOT of them. Mr. Knucklehead manscapes, but not to that degree.
OMG, I just clicked on the “My Vagina” link and it has the original artwork from the article! Wow – what a flashback!
Oh yeah, I forgot,
Happy Thursday, Surfers! It’s the Knucklehead’s anniversary today!
In my opinion Rolling Stone has been defunct for about 30 years. There used to be another mag called Circus that was a good rock mag that went belly up.
Happy anni, knucklehead.
Sportzbelle stold my line. Robe, indeed!
Manscaping ONLY works if you’re a guy with certain limits as to where the hair grows. If not, then you’d have to ‘scape belly, chest, back, and ass, which would take a lot of time that could be spent doing other much more fun things.
As a child of the 70′s and 80′s, I’m well used to untrimmed pubes on guys. Plus which, a good long pube can double up as dental floss.
Heh.
I read this colum today and shake my head in absolute disbelief that:
1. Jeff Kay is a NATIVE of West Virginia
2. Jeff Kay didn’t have his ass kicked with the regularity of bran muffin bowel movements as a teenager.
3. Jeff Kay EVER kissed a girl
Just an observation.
Buck Out
OMG – I just read the vagina story. Incredible! The last line was so weirdly perfect.
UUUUhhhhhhhh………….KNUCKLEHEAD!!!! Please remember which member of your family ALSO resides here at the Surf Report. I would appreciate some sympathetic editing while sharing your ‘comments’. There is NO NEED for me to know about Mr. Knucklehead’s hygiene practices. I just choked up my breakfast!!!
Being in my 20′s and still dating and all that I’ve learned that a certain amount of “manscaping” is necessary. Apparently girls around my age have been shaving/waxing/trimming their whole lives and they’ve finally gotten angry about us guys who have stuck with the 70′s porno look. Yepp, that shit don’t fly anymore.
Drew – I think you’re right that girls today have been shaving/waxing/trimming their whole lives. I heard my cousin (17 years old) talking with some of her friends about another girl they saw in the locker room. They said she had a “Sascrotch”. That’s right, a Sascrotch. And I’m sure she was shunned for it.
Sascrotches aren’t good, but I’m not a big fan of the completely bald look on women either. That’s just me.
OH! And the magazine that I mentioned earlier, the one that’s been defunct for 5 years, must have got back on their feet. I found their website. What a joy!
http://www.oxfordamericanmag.com/
Creem actually started in the late 60s. Issues of Trouser Press go for a lot of money these days, or did, last time I looked. Do you have the issue with the Jimmy Page interview?
I think it is quite common for the younger generation to remove all of the hair on their bodies – or so I have heard. As I recall, when I was younger, it was a sign of being a man to have chest hair, now I guess it is not.
I’m just not brave enough to click on that link while at work. I’ll have to come back later.
Buck………. Bubba ya hit the nail on the head !!!!!!!
LMFAO……….
Ok, I do not have a problem with manscaping BUT when I had the husband fixed he was required to shave the boys. He was outta commission for about a week, just enough time for the scratchy shit to get sharp. Needless to say I am completely against the “shave it all” school of thought. A naked willy is a sad sad thing. As Rodney Carrington said it looks like a sea creature without its shell. Oddly frightening.
I’m all for trimming, but not shaving, that is just freakin gay. But if I expect my lady to trim then I should do the same.
I believe the Dr. Evil once described having a shorn scrotum as breathtaking and recommeded all men try it.
I wouldn’t know.
Here’s and experiment to try at home. Ask your wife(girlfriend) which she would rather put in her mouth, a nice shiny clean billiard ball, or a sweat soaked brillo pad?
Her answer will solve “to shave or not to shave” dilemma.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…………………..
Back on line here at work after 2 and half days of no internets due to cable being out caused by Sunday’s hellacious windstorm and Tuesday morning power surge.
Did anyone remember to clip their toenails in a restaurant today? I did.
Pube trimming? I just did Friday morning… I know, I know TMI TYVM
I don’t know about you folks but I favor the “brazilian look”. Clean enough to eat off of so to speak.
@ KYDave – or try a Lab chewed tennis ball.
This whole business of male pub-trimming is scaring me. I don’t think I could even get a cutting device any where near that area without my testicles packing up and taking refuge eslewhere. They practically went crazy when someone mentioned vasectomy one day in the breakroom. They jumped out, pulled out a glock and pistol whipped the guy for even speaking about it.
BTW, remember the NL issue that had a picture of a dog and a hand holding a gun to the dogs head with the caption “If you don’t buy this magazine, we’ll kill this dog”.
http://www.marksverylarge.com/issues/7301.html
PETA would have gone ballistic today. Does kinda look like Andy though. Jeff?
I go full bald eagle for myself. My preference and the Evil Twin likes it too. He keeps things “tidy”, which I appreciate. He’s one hairy dude.
Happy Anniversary Knuckleheads!!!
My family genetics having skipped the whole missing link senario causes me to have much, much body hair. Every seen the Geico caveman tennis commercial? The wife said it looks like me when i wear shorts.
Trimming is a MUST down there if I expect any head. use the beard trimmer with the large attachment and go at it like I’m cutting the lawn.
I would never do the shave. My boys like having a windbreaker.
OMG I read My Vagina at my parents friend’s house in 1978. Ever since I wondered if I imagined it.
I still read Mad.
NatLamp of course. The issue that Shiny Rod linked to was the first one I bought; I think it was at A&S or possibly Korvettes. On the strength of that issue I subscribed for years afterwards. I also miss Brewing Techniques magazine. Their website is still up, with hot news from 2004.
I completely agree about both sides being judgemental and inflexible – I thought I was a liberal until I started teaching at a university. Sheesh. Extremists scare me.
I thought the article was funny (shrugs.)
I laughed hard at that article and the uptight comments at the end (although I wanted to slap those people). You’re right, Jeff, those people have a stick so far up their tuchases that it’s amazing they can sit down ever.
I have a friend who used to make her then-boyfriend trim his underarm hair…not sure about the manscape, but I have to say that if the guy expects the woman to take scissors or razor to delicate areas, it’s only fair if he also obliges.
This is a few years old, but still hilarious. http://www.henrypanky.com/crisis.htm If the link doesn’t work, Google “crisis in pubic hair.” It’s worth it.
Jason, I miss the Oxford American too. I had two good friends who were regular contributors. Yes, we do wear shoes in Mississippi.
Happy Anniversary, Knuckleheads! Hope Mrs. K. is feeling much better.
National Lampoon is sorely missed here – - there are other humor mags around but there’ll never be another NatLamp. What’s really sad is that the name still exists and whoever owns the rights to use it allows it to be slapped on many, many horrible straight-to-DVD “comedies”.
I also miss Psychotronic, but there are a lot of other freaky cinema mags out there that are almost as good … plus I’ve always got my back issues !
Spy magazine too – - probably a little too “New York Intellectual” for most, but with a healthy dose of “wise-ass punk” thrown in for good measue. Where else would we find “Elvis’s weight on other planets”, an investigation into the long standing rumors of Walt Disney being frozen, some really smart and mean pranks played on celebrities and, of course, Seperated at Birth.
I grew up with Creem magazine. They always had the best captions for their pictures. And the letters to the editor were obviously made up by the staff.
“What is this ‘Lester bang’ you keep writing about?’
SPY! Yeah, I loved that mag!
Also, what ever happened to Pop Smear? I loved their music coverage. I think it was there that I first read anything by Nuarduar the Human Serviette, who was always good for a laff.
I also own every issue of Psychotronic, but Weldon’s political pontifications in the last few issues (which appear to be the final ones) were getting really tiresome. He saw an evil right-winger under every rock, ready to pounce on him and snuff out his Constitutional rights. The guy really borders on paranoia. No damn wonder there were two year gaps between issues. Shock Cinema also suffers from the same can’t-help-myself political rants, which is a shame, really, because I think Steve Puchalski is one of the most entertaining film critics out there. It’s still a great film mag, though. I still have a bound volume of all the old issues of his great Slimetime newsletter which I still claim is the the greatest smartass filmcrit stuff of all time, as far as weirdfilm goes (I think he collected those into a book). But, for my money, the CREEM of the film mag world was definitely Chris Gore’s Film Threat before it got shuffled around among the various sugardaddy publishers. Those first 20 or so issues were stupendous, and most had those gorgeous Glenn Barr covers. Rick Sullivan’s Gore Gazette was also a mighty contender in the truly hilarious filmfreak ouvre.
I look on the newstands now and see about 75 different rock rags (with Slipknot featured on the covers of 68 of ‘em), and think back to the golden days of rock journalism when my friends and I would haunt the bookstores and drugstores, scrounging for issues of Creem, Rock Scene, Hit Parader, Touser Press, Circus, Circus Raves (remember that short-lived offshoot?), and all the really shoddy-but-fun Seaboard publications like ACID ROCK, HARD ROCK and their various hybrid rockmag incarnations. My real saving grace was a local bookstore that would get 3 copies each of the three major UK rock bi-weeklys – New Musical Express, Melody Maker and Sounds, and would save them for me so I hardly missed an issue of any of them from the late 70s throughout the mid 80s. It was nice when a lot of the UK music zines like The Face, Flexipop and Kerrrang! made it to the shores which I snapped up in a frenzy. But, I still miss a lot of the old punk rags like Flipside, the God-like Touch & Go, and Byron Coley’s incredible Forced Exposure. Of course it’s not the same for me anymore – I can get all nostalgic for those bygone days because I’m now an old coot who doesn’t give a fuck about newer music for the most part. I mean, I can look through an issue of Blender and feel queasy. And besides, I’m not that interested in reading 12 page articles on the dining preferences of the members of Death Cab for Cutie or Rage Against The Royalty Check. But, then again, they don’t write that stuff for tired old assholes like myself; but I can’t help but envy kids these days who have such a broad variety of music zines on the market to choose from, let alone instant web access. They don’t know how lucky they are. Hell, back in the old days I’d have to crawl naked and shoeless through 15 miles of uphill snowdrifts just to hear a Budgie bootleg, or read a friend’s copy of ZigZag or Sniffin’ Glue for that rare Stranglers interview. (Actually, that’s really not that far from the truth…)
P.S. If that football comes back over my fence again, I’m keeping it! You kids stay the hell out of my yard or I’m calling ALL of your parents! You hear me, Goddammit?
My personal pubic hair grooming is entirely up to my girlfriend. If she wasn’t it natural that’s fine. If she wants it trimmed that’s fine. If she wants it all gone that’s fine too. I don’t care one way or another.
As for my girlfriend I much prefer to have to all gone. I’ll even go so far as volunteering for maintenance duties if it means I get what I want. Smooth is much better. Looks nicer and cleaner and it makes performing certain acts much, much more enjoyable.
A big old untrimmed bush is downright frightening. I remember meeting two gorgeous and very drunk girls in a bar one night and little did I know later that evening instead of experiencing every man’s fantasy I would be confronted with pubic hair that I would need a machete, a weedwacker and possibly a chainsaw to fin the appropriate bit of real estate. I handled the situation without screaming like a 7 year old girl but I have to say it totally ruined what should have been a highlight of my life.
By Larry Taft as told to John Hughes
From the April 1979 issue of National Lampoon
http://www.tgfa.org/fiction/MyVagina.htm
The Henry Panky link was hysterical!
I have to say, while I think trimming has it’s place, that I think the human body has hair in certain places For A Reason. You know, hair in your nose, keeps out dirt and dust, and hair in your ears must have a similar function. I have no idea what the purpose of hair under your arms might be, but who am I to argue? (I do agree with female shaving there)
Anyway, when men and women REACH PUBERTY, they have hair “down there”. Personally, I think it’s a big turn-off to have no hair there where there’s supposed to be hair. I’m not into pre-pubescent sexual images or encounters.
My husband thinks I might be turned on if he shaves there, and I have no interest, thankyouverymuch, and I’d like to keep (some) of my hair there as well.
There. I said it. TMI.
I had a very similar National Lampoon experience when I was younger. I actually have several years worth archived in fairly good condition. Occasionally I’ll pick up and old issue and read some of the stories. What is totally shocking is how racist some of it is. I certainly didn’t notice it at the time.
My question is surf reporters: (?)
Was it racist then too? Or are we just recalibrated with today’s sensibilities?
I’m not talking just words that have changed or satire. There are some horribly racist themes & statements in a lot of my favorite old articles.
Perhaps Jeff could address this question if he has noticed.
Oliver Cromwell Ogilvy & Mark Stiggs
@ Max Girth – We unfortunately have become less cynical and more tolerant. Political correctness has replaced racial epitaph and we are becoming more aware of each others cultures than we were back then. I still think about those days when we could tell a good racial joke and even poke fun at each other. Now everyone is so anally sensitive to everybody else’s culture that the jokes have lost their potency and humor. But to answer your question, yes it was racist then. The bad thing is that I too was a big Lampoon reader back then. I think the current political situation is giving us time to do some serious soul searching never mind the other distractions. I would have never thought that a black candidate would even remotely think of running for president let alone any high office. I am having to rethink my own racial opinions based on his candidacy and due to the amount of slowly growing support from those not of his heritage. I think America has come a long way and could really benefit from his presence in office. A lot of folks I know are still holding on to those negative opinions and they are not see the big picture because the refuse to except that things are changing and the way we did things back then didn’t work for us then and they aren’t working for us now. As a world traveler, I have found that many people outside the US view us as hypocrites because we can’t even deal with our own racial issues but want to tell everyone else how to do things.
other kristin, explore a little. Add a little spice to things and have some fun. You might even involve hubby in the process and let him apply the shaving cream.
ahhh, Shiny Rod – that is EXACTLY what my husband has in mind. I don’t quite trust him not to go all the way and I don’t. want. to. be. bald.
I like spice, no problem, I just don’t like bald.