Blues Singers in the Kitchen!
Hello Surf Reporters!
I need your help with something: a questionable new project I’m starting today. Or re-starting, to be more precise, since I made a stab at it once before and didn’t follow-through… Go figure.
Anyway, over the next couple of months, or so, I’d like for us to come up with names for a whole bunch o’ fictional blues singers, based on items and activities associated with each room of an average house.
For instance, the kitchen. That’s where we’ll start today. Then, at some random point in the future (possibly a day when I’m pressed for time – ahem) I’ll ask for another room. And eventually we’ll have a whole houseful of fake blues singers! Pretty cool, huh?
When we’re finished, I’d like to have a page showing the architectural plans for a house, with a link in each room leading to the corresponding list of Surf Reporter suggestions. See where I’m going with this? I think it could be great.
And when we’re done with blues singers, maybe we can do baseball players in the workplace, or something? But let’s not get ahead of ourselves… Today we’re dealing with blues singers in the kitchen. Just blues singers… and just the kitchen. OK?
I’ve listed a few of my own suggestions below, and you talented folks can take it from there.
- Walter “Salad Spinner” Jones
- John “Big Whisk” Anderson
- The Slotted Spoon
- James “Bisquik” Jefferson
- Little Bundt Pan Willie
- Larry “Egg Cups” Watson
- Easy Cheese McGee
- Hydrox Joe Hunter
- Lucille “Melon Balls” Wheatstraw
- Dishrag Sam
- Bastin’ Thomas
- Poultry Seasoning Taylor
- Al “Cutting Board” Perkins
- Wanda “Toaster Strudel” Musselwhite
Thanks, as always, for your participation and ridiculousness. I’ll be back tomorrow with a real update.
See ya then!
More singers: Blues Singers in the Garage!
Filed under: Daily
First? It must be my birthday!
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DJ Toothbrush
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Ladlin’ Earl Floyd
Scrambled Wolf
Skillet Jackson
Lou “Seasoned” Smith
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4th!
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George “Iron Skillet” Jenkins
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
Drexel “Colander” Gibbons
Otis “Sauteed” Williams
Joe “Potato Masher” Mabin
Mabel “Frozen Peas” Cunningham
Dawson “Brown Gravy” Cole
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Jeff, is the e-mail still Jeff@thewvsr.com?
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top ten bitches!!!
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Bubba “Turnip” Green(s)
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Darryl “The Dish” Duttmeyer
Jeremiah “Mr. Lime” Ayde
Rufus “Knife Flasher” Johnson
Maddie “No Drawers” Gilicuty.
Whiskey “Wine Glass” Barthalamew.
Ezekial “Spoonman” Fontenot
“On the Table” Lacey
Benny “Pots and Pans” Sam
Ruth “Hand mixer” Hader
“Leakey Faucet” Lenny
“Waste Water” James
Whitey “Bleach” Mutumbo
Jose “Crusty Cheese” Medina
Stu Hamm
Joe “Sandwich Maker”
“Fried” Catfish LeRoy
“Fridge Magnet” Jane
“Dirty Bowl” Brendina
Louis “Lettuce Hat” Arbuckle
“Tin Foil” Tom “The Hobo Sticker” “Jamming” Jameson
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Jim “3 Minute” Egham
“Aunt” Jemima Jackson
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“Chicken Plucker” Perry
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Lucille “Good China” Smith
Freddie “Cracker Crumbs on the Linoleum Floor” Johnson
The Meat Hammer
Spatula Jones
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J.J “Slap Chop” Watson
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Daisy “Muffin Cups” Maloy
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George “Foreman Grill” Stevens
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“Bell Pepper” Potsy
Harry “Spilled the Salt” Sanders
“Garbage Can” Merl
Hank “The Cleaner” Ryles
Eugene “Spoon Scraper” Rollins
Jason “Stove Knob” Marchand
Andre “Fritatta Pan” Clement
Hambone “Neckbone” Legbone
Ahmet “Broken Toaster” Fuzail
Bobby “Blinking Stove Clock” Blood
“Cutting Board” Karl
“Knife Block” Bettsy LeButte
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Limey- you keep your toothbush in the kitchen??
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Bluesey “Butter-Dish” Barrington
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“Quesadilla Maker” Kevin
Martin “Spin the Loaf” Bredman
Jacob “Hamburger Press” Bovia
Martha “Wipe the Counter When You’re” Dunn
Ward “All the Mayonaise” Goux
Chet “Fryin’ Bacon” Aikon
“Gumbo Pot” Lamar
Larry “The Freezer Box” McLeery
John “Wobbly Table” Leaner
I’ll quit now.
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Cheech & Chong made a great one:
Blind Melon Chitlin
But I’ll go with
“White Toast” Murphy
Johnny “Donuts”
“Beer Box” Willie
“Back Door” Sam
“Grits ‘n’ Honey”
Ella “Over Easy” Parker
Skeeter Marvelous (yeah I know, no kitchen reference. But I like it anyway).
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Don “Sweet as Maple Syrup Straight from the Tap on a Warm Winter Evening” Marcodte
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@TILLY – I do, but for cleaning Cocoa Pebbles.
Lee “The Grater” Earl
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Tater Salad Tom
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‘Big Faucet’ Horton
‘Icebox’ Sam
James ‘Church Key’ Watson
‘Apron Strings’ Lee
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‘Guillotine’ Max
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Joe “Pickles” Crenshaw
Bubba “Salad Tosser” Backman
LuLu “Sweet Eats” Mayweather
Melinda “No Cal” Friedman
Bobby “Eat Me” Brownhauser
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Sy “Sink Stopper” Bellion
Floyd “Doughbelly” Douglas
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Leotis “Cake Lifter” Browne
Clyde “Junk Drawer” Jones
Mabel “Apron-Stain” Blaine
Herman “Bad Egg” Bronson
Earl “Magic Chef” Jefferson
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Sara “Melons” Malone
Fanny Pancakes
Arty “Fatback” McSwain
Susie “Skillet” Pickens
Gravy Joe
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Slim “45 Calorie” Breadman
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Fat Back Jack
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“ice maker” Manson
Soapy Smith
Brillo Patty and the Scrub Buckets
Jelly Glass Jones
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Blind Willie Waffle Iron
Poached Egg Evans
Jesse Microwave Smith
Jimmy the Juicer
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Stanley “Meat Pounder” Johnson.
Julie “Spice Rack” Lovejoy.
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Jenny “Cheap Wine with a Handle on her Back” Jenkins
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Blind Lemon Squeezer
Junior Mints
Chore Boy Nelson
John Lee Honey Dipper
Little Debbie
Meathook Colander
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Larry “Chicken Milk” Noggs
Jimmy “Oven Mitts” Malone
Frankie “Meat thermometer” Malone (they’re brothers)
Tina “Turkey Baster” Malone (their sister)….
Manny “Cruller” Houlihan
Mikey “Pea-meal Bacon” Baconie
- 2 hours in
- already over 100 entries.
- Folks on the night shift like JTB are going to have some fun keeping down the repeats! Good luck.
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The Alan Parsley Project
Kenny “Sweet and Low” Roberts
Bobby Keys and the Colanders
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Grater Johnson
(guess I shouldn’t brag, though)
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Jimmy “Soup Spoon” Calhoun
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Washington “Helava Good” Jones
Lonnie “Dumplins” D’Pois
“Granny Smith” Magee
“Turkey Baster” Tibbs
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Johnny “Set it and Forget it” Ronco
“Metal Soap Bar” Martin “Onion Hands” Oliver.
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Yolanda “Corn Muffin” Jones
“Olive Oil” Cappone
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Fry “Daddy” Thibidoux
Claire “Two Hams” Hannity
Tarrence “Beef Meat” Suggs
“Ice Tray” Harrold
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Rasberry Jam…This was an actual name for a local cover band that played around here years ago. Did some searching and found out Ron Rasberry is still in the Toledo area and is a friend of Crystal Bowersocks who was a contestant on American Idol…never watched the show, anyway sorry for the minutiae. Carry on.
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Tuna Turner
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Rhonda “Extra Virgin” Hassleby
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Yeah, well she wasn’t “Extra Vergin” after that night in Tunica with Matt “Rolled Steak” Steele.
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Martha “Cherry pitter” Hopkins
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Further Evidence is new home screen on my computer
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Lorena “Slice and Dice” Bobbit.
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In honor of one of the great ones we lost this year…
Teddy “Turkey Leg” Pendergrass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV9VuPkIIv4
RIP
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Hey bikerchick,
You are right, it’s brilliant. Bowels of the Titanic had me in tears. I have the mind of a 5 year old and will not tire of this for at least 6 months,
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Elron Cupboard
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Sunny “Side Up” Jones
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Oh I like this game!!!
Floyd “Baked Beans” Benson
Maurice “Dirty Dishes” Doushay
Flo “Spaghetti Fork” Fulton
Sam “Chopped Suey” Sawyer
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Pappa “Jiffy Pop” Jackson
Lemon-Squeezer Perkins
Formica Top
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Nat King Cole Slaw
Gus “Gravy Ladle” Greenbaum
“Hot Pad” Houlihan
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James “The Fridge” Franko
Willie “Cutting Board” Milligan
Colin “Lasagna” Williams
Benjamin “Brandy Snifter” Love
Earl “Egg Sandwhich” McCoy
Gary “Busch Light” Randolf
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Old Bay Ray
Etta “George” Foreman
Eddie “The Cupboard” Jenkins
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“Old Bay Ray” is a good one.
And I’ve notice a large Jenkins contingent in this blues community.
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Jimmy “Mayo” Nayse
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Old Lazy Susan
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Billy “Graham Cracker” Jones.
James “Broilin’” Buckwell
Red “57 Times” Heinz
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Willie “Turkey Baster” Johnson
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Charlie “Hot Plate” McLane
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Mickey “Buttfucking” Mouse (helluva bass player)
Tommy “Two-Balls” Trumbone
Billy “The Cheese Maker” Washington
Tennessee “Farty” McAppleass (great harmonica man)
Toby “The clitlicker” Thomas (nobody better on trombone)
Rusty “The Fag” Roustabout (great backup man)
Larry “The Long Cock” Scaryman (not a black guy, he just does triangle and rubs the stick on that ribbed thing from time to time- his mother gave him his nickname).
Barry “Bigfoot” Gordon
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Oh. It was post to be kitchen shit. Guess I missed that.
Ron “The Food Drier” Popiel
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Jason…exactly what kind of fucking kitchen do you have?
Ok then…how about?…Delbert “Cheese Fucker” McClinton.
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Blind Lemon Jell-o
T. Bird Pickens
Bones Malone (real-life musician, but a good name anyway)
“Junior” Mintz
“Cheese” Chambers
Off topic extra, Phil McCracken
All for now.
.
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Jake “Milk gone bad” Harlow
Bob “Moldy buns” Burnside
Venus “Fly Trap” Williams
Magda “Marinara Sauce” MCKellen
Peter “Parmisan” Parker
Roger “Reggiano” Romano
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Lol…Farty…after reading your list then reading dto’s response, I literally laughed out loud. Thanks
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“Beater” Jones and the Frigidairs
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By the way, the picture looks like something out of an Alvin Schwartz book…http://www.scribd.com/doc/3027880/Alvin-Schwartz-Scary-Stories-to-Tell-in-the-Dark
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Aleck “Rice” Miller
Sonny “Chef Boy Ardee” Williamson
Same Guy!
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“Big Sausage” Dixon
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Fanny “flour bucket” Forker
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Huddie “Hotcakes” Ledbetter
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I was curious… 182 names so far.
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Funniest line from comic Bill Burr on Letterman tonight:: his last line. “Havin’ a pitt bull is like havin’ a gun you can pet.” The guy was great.
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Parkersburg Homecoming this wekend: Bor-ring. Don’t go there. Point is closed for remodelling. It will take two years. Go somewhere else. Don’t waste your time.
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Billy’ The Blender’ Robertson
George ‘Big Grill’ Foreman
Betty ‘Corkscrew’ von Furstenberg
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OK, I rustled up a few. Lots of music comin’ out da kitchen.
Zester Rosetta Tharp
Sneezy “Pepper Mill” Vinson
Joe “Jello” Morello
“Magic” Brownie McGhee
Gene “Chalupa” Krupa
Magic Slim Skimmer
Bessie “Nutcracker” Smith
Big Joe “Pancake” Turner
.
jtb
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“Bacon Bits” Benny Barnes
“Garbage Can” Sam Bellamy
Ron “Ham Bone” McCallister
“Pie Pan” Sam Sloan
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Stewie “Crock Pot” Rivers
Johnny “Green Giant” Jordan
Speedy “Jif” Jones
Boudreaux “Bacon Salt” McGhee
“Mrs. Butterworth” Baldwin
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@greg
you mean you don’t like standing around in 90 degree heat watching fat hoopies eat pizza?
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“Egg Crackin’” Jones
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a few more…
Tony “Frosted Flakes” Foster
Tiny “Tang” Thompson
Jimmy “Meatloaf” Michaels
Sammy the “Spam” Man
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I’m going to see Sir Paul McCartney open th new arena in Pitt. toinght. I’m excited never saw him before.
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@chill – to go with Phil McKracken:
Holden Mahgroyn
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OK, this is so yesterday and I try to be last week or better, but Betty/Veronica, did you claim yesterday that you could differentiate between the tastes of seminal fluid and spermatozoa? I believe you did.
Those are some champion taste buds. Were I several decades younger, I think this would call for a double-blind test to confirm the claim. Or at least some blindfolds and mayonaise.
I know I usually demonstrate better taste than this, but I was so astounded by this claim when I reread yesterday’s Physical Letters that I had to go blue.
yours true bluely,
jtb
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OK…gotta stop because I’m having WAY too much fun with this:
“Martha White” Stewart
Leticia “Tater Mitts” Munroe
Bubba “Gravy Boat” Boggins
Muddy “Chunky Soup” Sanders
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@Son of Sam – He puts on an awesome show. You will not be dissapointed.
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Bart “teaspoon” Squarepants
Fats “junk drawer” Feldman
Bugsy “I can’t believe it’s not butter” Mansfield
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@ Chuck: It’s those damned funnelcakes! You’re right. For some reason Homecoming brings ‘em out of the woodwork. I don’t think anybody from Wood County actually attends, but you’ll find all of Wirt County there. I haven’t gone for years. Watching the highlights (??) on TV is as close I want to get. At least, it’s close to the jail.
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SOS: I work just a few blocks away from the new arena. Dealt with the construction traffic since it started. Getting the hell outta Dodge before the crowds come rolling in! Have a great time!
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Thanks bikerchick and Brittney.
I think the Souper Bowl Bar for a couple before the show is required.
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I’m jealous! Have an awesome time! The moment he walked out on stage it occured to me that I was watching Paul McCartney, who was one of the Beatles, who I’d adored since I was a kid. I shed a tear that night.
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By the way, if you’re a McCartney/Beatles fan…I’d highly suggest the Beatles Cirque Du Soleil, its on DVD, and it’s def. worth watching. I didn’t want it to end.
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Yea my youngest secret is 24 he has been a big Beatle fan all his life, I think I’m more excited for him than me….well maybe not.
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Harry “Corn” Holer
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Charles “Cheese Grater” Jones.
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Charles “Mashed Potato” Johnson (Metalocalypse)
Sam “Deep Fried” Daniels
Charles “Corn Chowder” Grant
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Dave “Garlic Press” Campbell
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Vergil “vent hood” Clemens
Kyle “percolator” Jones
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ChicagoRoe, those are stupid. Just kidding.
Roofus “
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Damn, I hit the submit button on accident. But Roofus ” works for me.
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Bobby “Tea Balls” Thornton
Henry “self Cleaning” Hinkle
“Cast Iron” Hank Wilson
Goober “Corn Meal” White
“Teflon” Tommy Bradley
Sam “Swiffer” Polidue
Sonny “SHamwow” Ferguson
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