An Update From The Walking Zombie
I’m halfway through Chapter 21 of the book, and according to my casual (very casual) outline, there will be 25 chapters. Today I surpassed 250 pages, which blows my mind, and am getting close to the minimum number of words I wanted to rack-up.
So, it’s going well, I suppose. I didn’t meet my goal today, which kinda bothers me, but it snowed this morning and everything was delayed. So, at least I have a good excuse. Right?
More importantly, I think the story is holding up, and it’s pretty funny, overall. I hope I’m not fooling myself, but I feel good about it. And as most of you probably know, that’s not like me.
I want to have it finished by Friday night, so I can spend Saturday with the family. That’s been the goal from the start. But if I have to go into the weekend, I’ll do it. The first draft of the book WILL be finished before I go back to work on Sunday.
I will return to that place with a completed novel under my belt, even if I blow a hole in the side of my brainstem doing it.
Last Sunday I went to the University of Scranton library, because they’re open until midnight, and I knew I could log some serious hours there. I think the local public library is only open three hours on Sunday. And what’s the point of that?
I got a lot of work done there, but felt like Chester the Molester sitting in the middle of all those 18 and 19 year old students. Many of them were wearing pajamas, basically, which made me feel even pervier. None of them acted like they noticed me, but I felt conspicuous, nonetheless. So, I didn’t go back.
I’ve been spending entire days at the public library instead, from about 9:30 am until around 8:30 pm. I only come out for a Wendy’s #1 with cheese, no pickles, and a Coke, at 1:00, and a large coffee at Starbucks at 5:00. I have dinner at 9:00, at home. And that’s been the schedule all week.
It’s weird, man. When I get away from that library for a little while it seems like I’m inside a book. When I walk to the counter at Starbucks, it feels like I’m writing the scene, not living it. And it’s freaky.
So anyway, that’s the status. Next week I’ll be back to the normal posting schedule here. I appreciate you sticking with me through all this. Thank you for the support, as always!
I mentioned that we got a little snow today — enough to close the schools and delay the opening of the library. But it also triggered a decent Question of the Day, I think.
This morning Toney told me she wanted to shovel the driveway, by herself. She said she’d take her iPod out there, and get a good workout. Sounded good to me, but all kinds of red flags were going up.
“Tomorrow you’re not going to throw this in my face, are you?” I wanted to know.
Because, you see, she brings up an incident from 2002 or 2003, involving snow shoveling, every freaking winter. Supposedly I drove over the snow (didn’t shovel), and left it for her, on a day she had a sinus infection.
I have no recollection of this event, none whatsoever, but she sure does. It’s become the gold standard: the event against which all other insensitive events are measured. I don’t remember it, but will never live it down.
So, I’d like to know if you have any similar events in your background, which will never die with your spouse or significant other. If so, tell us about it in the comments.
And for the record, I let Toney shovel for a while by herself, then went out and helped. Hey, I’m not a complete idiot.
Have a great weekend, my friends.
Filed under: Daily
On behalf of Toney: YOU BASTARD!!!
Pa Pow! Number 1!
Damn. Damn damn.
Oh well, I got two #1 football teams in my life (Actually nationally they are both #3, regionally they are #1).
Just saw that you can get a Dell laptop with sports logos as the casing. The Cincy Reds Inspiron is looking good.
And I don’t really have an answer for the QOTD but this poor shmuck will. What a bitch.
http://myhusbandisannoying.com/2009/12/09/pub-crawl/
Wow, 4th!
Can’t wait for the book Jeff! PS got my T-Shirt, thanks heaps.
It’s about memory, Jeff. Women can remember slights, testosterone faux pas, male pattern laziness, and football games that went to OT while her folks were waiting at the dinner table, in the kind of detail that would make Richard Feynman seem like an amnesiacal dullard.
All my spouses and significant others have been able to repeat conversations verbatim that seem to predate the first time we met. I can never remember an anniversary; a conversation is out of the question.
Male brains are just not architected to remember this kind of detail, although we can somehow remember the score of Superbowl 3 (fuck roman numerals), which, without looking it up was about 16-7 Jets, and remember obscure relief pitchers from World Series in the 70s.
Just another reason why marriage doesn’t work, but we do it anyway because the alternative seems more daunting.
Mon dieu, I intended this to be a light-hearted post, and I accidentally stumbled onto why my life is so fucked up. Well, truth, like love, is where you find it.
So adieu…jtb
Now playing on the Sony Discman: “Birdhouse in Your Soul” by They Might Be Giants
Seven up yours!
Awesome. Can’t wait for the book!
Top10!!
Best of luck with the book.
Based on your prior work I’m sure it will be at least mildy amusing!
Shovel the driveway before Toney can get to it.
It’s your only option…
Don’t shovel it. That’s what kids are for. Hard labour. Those Brits has it right, send ‘em down the coal mines. Then you can tell them its character building and have a clean driveway for nothing!
According to the child bride, I am the King of the Art of Being Insensitive-just a few instances:
Her aunt died in November, but was close to 100 years old. The funeral wasn’t until last week. I could not take off work for it. When I got home that day, I said nothing about it. It was over. She’s in a vase on her husband’s nightstand now. However, I didn’t ask about it. I didn’t ask how her Uncle was holding up. I didn’t say how sorry I was for her loss (she died three weeks earlier and my wife wasn’t all broken up by it then). I was called an “insensitive prick” that evening.
When we lived in NC, child bride had flown to Fla. for her sister’s graduation. I stayed there with our son (daughter had not been born yet). We drove to Charlotte to pick her up at the airport when she returned. Apparently, I was supposed to do backflips when she got off the plane. I did not. I had driven out of the mountains through a snowstorm and was not looking forward to the drive back. She did not speak to me for the entire three hour trip home. Later told me I was an “insensitve jerk”.
I have also: not woken her up at midnight on her birthday (I was asleep), not bought her flowers on Mother’s Day (she’s not my mother), not complimented any meals she made (she cooks maybe three times a year, and it usually is not good), not told her how good her new shoes look with her dress (more shoes than Imelda Marcos, I never know if they are new or not), and not complimented her on purple stripes she has had added to her hair (I’m a half century old, should I think that’s cool or something?) I could go on for hours, but as the King of the Art of Being Insensitive, I have many royal prick plans on my agenda today, so I will now go forth and spread some more resentment.
On IPOD right now- “New Pollution”- Beck
johnthebasket — you nailed it.
I’ve heard too stories about my past transgressions from my ex that I couldn’t even begin to catalog them, but most of them fall in the category of “I expected you to do/say this, didn’t give you enough of a clue as to what I expected, and when you didn’t do it I got angry-pissed-resentful.” And iit was all mostly petty shit, nothing to hold a goddamned grudge over.
Cold as fuck here in PGH today and the wind is blowing down power lines. I had a screwdriver for breakfast and am still feeling a bit sideways, like those old V8 vegetable juice commercials. One more day ’til the weekend…
that shoulda been “too many” — chalk it up to Nikoli vodka and lousy Western PA winter weather.
Does anyone else thing -2 is too cold and the poor kiddos should have school canceled again?? My poor boy looked like Ralphie from Christmas Story just to run to the bus. jeez.
Very irritated with my sister today, who announced she is going to GRADUATE school in another COUNTRY no less. grr..bad feelings all around because gma and gpa are funding her splendid education yet the other siblings and myself had no such opportunities given to us. Plus she is a tree hugging vegan type of person who expects me to buy organic food for her visits. bitch.
ok. feel better. anyway. do I hold a grudge??? Maybe
take care surfers!! stay warm and on the roads!!
think!!! I can’t spell, but that is because I didn’t get a free ride to college(see above )
When Mr.Man and I have a fight, I’m not the one who brings up past transgressions, it’s him! He can’t freaking remember something I told him two minutes ago but he sure as heck can remember something I did 15 years ago that made him upset or feel wronged in some way.
I feel like once it’s been fought about and resolved, it’s over….in the past…ancient history…
There are times I’m tempted to give him a lobotomy in his sleep but apparently I don’t consume enough beer to actually go through with it.
I hope you finish the book by Friday Jeff, as planned. I’m happy to hear it’s going well and you’re pleased with it. I’m looking forward to reading it!
AWG…you rock!!…My first wife was the queen of anger. That bitch always had a problem to be solved and when you came to a logical solution that we BOTH agreed on there was always a backup problem lying in wait……the funeral story is so close to an incident with that old battle axe. Her stepfather passed away and I was truly saddened, probably more than her at his passing. At the time we were self employed and owned a bakery and cafe, not to mention the parents of two small children. Time for the funeral comes and we were living pretty close to the bone at the time. We decided that it would be in our best interest to keep the business open for the few days it would take to go and what not. Sooooooo…..WE decide that she will go and I will stay and work both her hours as well as my own…not to mention the child monitoring involved. So off to Boston she goes and it’s a 3 day drunkfest with a funeral thrown in the mix…..You guessed it….when she got back I heard about what an insensitive prick bastard I was and that I’m never there for her. Well guess what???…..I’m not there for her now….DOUCHE.
As a matter of fact…I wouldn’t piss down her throat if her guts were on fire!!!!
So where was I going with this??? Whatever….I sure feel better!!!
Hmmm! let’s see 250 pages in crayon=10pages of foolscap! Man this is going to take forever;)
Still paying for a 20 year old error! After wasting my hard earned bonus on cooking classes for the wife made the unfortunate mistake of tasting her first gourmet effort and mumbling: “If this were a restaraunt I would send this back!” only have to hear that one repeated 100 times a year!!
Gee….now why have I decided never to marry again?
Let’s see there was the time we went to the beach with friends. My best friend and I were up by the car park – I can’t remember what we were doing but it was one of those domestic chores the wimen folk always get stuck with. Ex-idiot comes up to me all breathless and agitated. Seems he had gotten caught up in the undertow and had to have help getting back to the shore. Asshole thinks I am less than supportive wife because I did not intuitively know he was in trouble. Should I have donned a red swimsuit and run in slow motion, bouncing freely, to his rescue??
Another time we were on the lake in a canoe and it tipped over because asshole couldn’t keep still. Oh yeah, and it was November. I am not the best swimmer and I hate being in cold water that might contain varmints so I immediately dog paddled to the shore as fast as possible. Then I caught shit because I didn’t wait for him.
Jeff – let us know when we can get a copy of the book!! Congratulations! You will be able to go back to work bathed in first draft finished glory!
The Evil Twin and I look back on past transgressions and turn them into jokes. We have loads of tales that could have ended in divorce, but instead, end up being picked apart, laughed at and sometimes, even given a name, like “The Peel Out Dairy Queen” incident or “The orange tic-tac” incident.
congrats jeff!!! i too want a copy ASAP!
i feel for you, tammie and zazu. my husband has numerous slights that he collects like a charm bracelet. he NEVER forgets them and they are always simmering below the surface. sometimes he gets mad and doesn’t know why. i do—it’s something in his subconscious that’s not quite at the surface, but bothers him to the point of pouting, which he does often. once he was mad at for something i said and when i asked him what it was, he said,”i can’t remember what exactly, but it really makes me mad.” WTF! and he wonders why i think he’s nutz. his whole family is like that, so i guess it comes naturally.
Good Morning Surf Reporters…..
First and foremost I would like to say I’m happy to see Tammie back! Hi Tammie!! {waving}
My missus and I have been together for 23 years, married 21. I think that may be some sort of record for a 43 year old.
Anyway, she is the master, the absolute in proficiency in remembering minutia from decades ago when we first started dating. This she keeps in reserve, like ammunition in an armory.
Why is it that it only comes out during arguments? That glue trap memory never pulls out a memory of when I did something nice.
johnthebasket, AngryWhiteGuy, Sonny, and Jeff: Thank you for confirming that I’m much better off single than married. I’ve always known it, but sometimes one thinks “the grass might be greener.” Stories such as these confirm that the grass is not, in fact, greener on the other side.
Oh, man…thinking about my marriage (now wonderfully defunct) makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and whimper like a new puppy. For a long time I thot she mite be part Cajun because everything she cooked was blackened. Ever wake up on a Sunday morning to deep fried pancakes? And her drunken family didn’t help. Good looking? You bet. Did she know it? You bet. Did she regret marrying me and let me know it on a daily basis? Oh sure. Living with that bitch made death row look like a long weekend with Jessica Alba.
Sorry…too bitter?
Rat Bastard YOU nailed it!!! women (most) have these fantasy conversations in their heads where they expect you to behave in a particular way and they expect that you intuitively know what these expectations are then when you fail to live up to their imagined responses then you are an asshole. It is the source of so much disappointment for women and frustration for men.
@Chuck in Belpre: there’s no such thing as too bitter.For the last 3 months I’ve seriously had a burning desire to beat the shit out of random strangers just to spread some pain around.
Mr. Baloni, et al,
You’re welcome, but I think the grass is pretty brown on both sides of the fence. You just need to piss on it a little to green it up. I could say that you’re responsible for your own happiness, but that sounds like a lyric from the Cowsills. I never did think they sang enough about pissing.
jtb
now playing on the Sony Discman: “My Wife Thinks You’re Dead” by Junior Brown
I am an awlful, awlfun, prick, son-of-a-bitch!
I made my wife (then girlfriend) purchase her own adult beverages when we went to bars. I was on stage all night being the singer/bass player and hob-knobed with crowd members during our breaks.
Then, THEN after I was done having my fun, I just wanted to go to her place for sex!
What a complete BASTARD! TOTAL BASTARD!!
(begin at the 11 second mark)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju3h7yk4Hcg
That one comes up every time she is wrong about something.
It’s a good thing that she is the greatest woman that ever lived or she might not have me to kick around!
Sonny in NH- You rock, as well! Just for the phrase “I wouldn’t piss down her throat if her guts were on fire!!!!” alone.
On IPOD right now- “She’s Lost Control”- Joy Division
A sample from Junior Brown. Just remember that Junior pronounces the word po’ leece.
It’s good to see you baby it’s been a long long while
We’re both a whole lot older and seen a lot of miles
But things are different now since the good ol days
And youve been in some trouble
Since we went our separate ways
Well have to say hello maybe some other time instead
Because you’re wanted by the police
And my wife thinks youre dead.
Swami, If you’re collecting evidence that marriage is to be avoided, you should probably leave me out of it. Toney and I have been together for almost twenty years, and I don’t regret a minute of it. And believe me, I’m getting the better end of the deal, as it pertains to little annoying things. Toney should’ve received a medal long ago. Because I am the little annoying things heavyweight champion of the world.
I once made the mistake of telling Wally that he is a boring dresser. This was 10 or so years ago. He still brings it up. ALL THE TIME. Give it a rest, man.
jtb-Junior Brown, really? Thats fucking awesome. JB has some of the coolest licks in the biz with that funky ass guitar/steel guitar invention of his. Personal fav is Highway Patrol.
As for the rest of this I may regret it when I’m 90 and living in the nursing home with no visitors but so far the first 42 years have been blissfully peaceful as a single man.
Congratulations on making it so far on your book!
You shouldn’t feel like a perv in the library because the girls are wearing jammies. It’s the latest fashion with the teens and twenty-somethings.
Pay closer attention when you are out at the stores, particularly ones like Target, WalMart, or the grocery store. We see people wearing all manner of jammies.
My son (25), if he’s running to the corner store, will wear his slippers. I said something to him once about looking like white trash and he just pshaw’d me.
I would rather see the girls studying comfortably in pajamas at the library than out shopping in them.
WB…
I’m a long-time fan of Junior Brown. His licks are wonderful and his music is fun. I happen to be part of a Washington State Patrol family, and Highway Patrol is one of my favorites. It’s on the same CD as My Wife Thinks You’re Dead. The album is called Guit With It and I recommend it to all Surf Reporters.
To see Junior’s crazy guitar, do a Google Image Search on Junior Brown. He plays it like a slumming angel.
jtb
My wife always brings up the time I made her change the oil in my car during an ice storm while she had that severely sprained ankle. Sheeesh, give it a rest already!
JTB – The Wash State Troopers are great, as far as I’m concerned. To hell with what Sir Mix-A-Lot said years ago. The two times I was pulled over while living there, I got a total fine of $0.00. That’s right; two warnings! You folks deserve a raise!
Oh yeah; glad to hear about your progress on the book as well, JK! If there is a pajama-wearing college student character in the book somewhere, I’ll know where the inspiration came from.
O.K. Guys we need to start thinking of classic quotes that Jeff can use on the back of his book cover: “This book made my happy”….angrywhiteguy. “I liked this book better than cheese”….Jason. “like the Sunday morning roar from a well tuned Harley”….Bikerchick. “This book makes me wish I could read”…Pagan. We all know its the crap on the back that makes a Bestseller! lets help the guy out!
“made me happy” Duh! (I told you I couldn’t read!)
“I enjoyed the subject/verb agreement and correct usage of punctuation” L.H. Ramone
Back on the “Is chili a meal?” train….as I am sitting here reading, I am eating the hottest chili I have ever eaten in my life, featuring “ghost peppers”, which register at like a million on the Scoville scale, compared to Habenero, which registers 500,000 and jalepenos, which register 8000. There are tears coming out of my eyes and I know there will be fire coming out of my ass in about two hours. It’s definately a meal, but not for long.
On IPOD right now- “Derelicts of Dialect”- Third Bass
“This book makes me wish I couldn’t read”….dto
great idea, Pagan!
“Kays best work yet” WB
And a husky old guy hanging out at the public library all day is not creepy?
“Jeff Kay’s novel is so good, you just might take a shit at work after reading it.” — Rat Bastard
“Holy Crap in a Bundt Pan!”…dto
“Coupon for a free Krispy Kreme Donut Inside!” – Doug
Pagan: Thanks for the love…right back at ya! Classic quotes are a must for the back cover!!! Here’s a couple:
“This book is more fun than a Hot Pink Dildo at a Pinewood Derby!!”
“I laughed so hard, I almost blew my anal seal!!”
What the hell is this snow stuff?
” Sweet Sainted Mother of Blanket Jackson. I was whipping my hands through my Jiffy Pop hair the whole time!”
“After reading this book, it turns out I COULD give a tiny seahorse shaped shitlet.”
“I enjoyed it more than a bald eagle taco.”
“Cooler than a rattling Soviet humbox.”
“Kay’s writing is so tight you couldn’t pull a needle out of his ass with a tractor.” says CWA
well jeff, expect another 5 bucks or so coming your way. stupid amazon and their lowering prices.
metalocalypse seasons one and two each dropped about 8 bucks down to 14 bucks.
a very sunny christmas dropped 3.
“Don’t buy this book now. It’ll be a buck-fifty on amazon in a month”…dto
Well, I have thought about the question of the day, all day, and I can’t think of one thing my wife hasn’t let go. Damn I love that woman, and I’m going to cook supper for her tonight.
Chili is a form of colon irrigation without the need for anal intrusion….depending on the spiciness of the chili, you get an asshole peel as a bonus gift. (just think…people pay hundreds of dollars for the same procedure and it’s not nearly as enjoyable as a bowl of chili.)
Oh by the way I watched the Ref last night and would have to agree it is an excellent movie despite Kevin Spacey. Tonight on the ol DVD will be Home for the Holidays.
“Avoid this book as if it were a homeless man wearing a derby of turds”
Jeff – a BIG congrats on writing your book! I recently attended a workshop on book writing & self publishing. I know it takes discipline and hard work to see a book thru to completion. and even after that, comes a lot of work in promoting and selling the book…every single copy! You’re a great writer! Very funny! know that you have our support behind you, man!
Now, how bout a hug?
I don’t have a snow story, but as a kid, my brother and I would find those long flouresent light tubes in the dumpster of a nearby office building. The were thrown away still intact, unbroken. Our little street would be iced over and very slippery for days, due to it always being shady. We would take those flouresent tubes and send them down the icey street with a big heav-ho. they would slid for a loooong ways, then start bouncing and finally bust all apart! Great fun…until spring came and the ice was gone. a bunch of broken glass left in the middle of the street that me and my brother had to sweep up. I had a great childhood, seriously.
@JCIII – good ones
for the back cover – “I spurted.”
“I laughed so hard I blew a stent!”
YAY! The Book! I cannot WAIT to lock myself in my room with a bottle of single malt, my reading glasses and the Beast for a weekend of reading hilarity. When can we buy it? When! When! When!
Mr. Knucklehead and I are much like ET and ETW. We refer to “incidents”. and hold no grudges – we laugh about them mostly.
How about the night we got married, he got so shitfaced that people in the hotel/restaurant were pointing at him “Hey, Look how fucked up THAT guy is!”. My brother became his babysitter, and recanted a lovely story about Mr. Knucklehead falling backwards while climbing some stairs, and knocking his head into the head of the old woman climbing the stairs behind him. “It sounded like two coconuts being hit together” so says my brother. Ah, he sure made me one proud woman THAT night. We had been together 20 years already, so it really was no surprise.
Happy Thursday, Surfers! and Congrats on the progress, Mr. Kay!
Since this is the 1st draft I’m sure we are at least a year away from a publish date. there will be rewrites and edits and gnashing of teeth and hairloss and sexual dysfunction and profanity. And that’s just Chapter 1.
Knucklehead, that was hilarious! I’m sure he had trouble “consumating the marriage” that night! LOL !!
Thanks t-storm…I was going to say al that 1st draft stuff too. I’m about 12K words from my first draft of one of three I got going. I’m a mess. My goddamn imaginary friends in my head are a bunch of fucking egomaniacs and for Jeff to keep his under control is fan-fucking-amazing! Go Jeff! I love the discipline. I will commit to 3k daily. Thanks for the kick in the ass.
“…more fun than a barrel of mandrill babboons.”
“Mr. Kay’s book is more fun than smelling an erection.”
Pre or post coitus?
“This read is better than a bowl of corn, motherfuckers.”
Way to go on the book, Jeff! I have started writing about 10 books at one time or another, but have never managed to finish one. Thanks for the inspiration! Maybe someday…. I can’t wait to read it. Where’s my pre-order form???
Hey, Jeff – I’d be happy to proof read the book for you. No charge!
“I was so excited to get my hands on this book that I was (literally) shaking like Janet Reno on a Hayride”
The one my wife never lets me forget is the year I left her on San Juan Island in Washington while I went to the South Pole. The electricity went of for an entire week during a big snowstorm. She had to cook on a Coleman stove, and to get warm, she had to go out and start my truck and run the heater til whe was brought back from the brink of hypothermia.
jonthebasket…you’re part of a really, really good group! Which side of the state are you working on? I have an old Air Force buddy who is with the Spokane County Sherriff’s Department. He took me out on patrol with him one night. Man, that has got to be the scariest job ever. On the flip side, we got to arrest a drunk who was driving westbound on I-90 with a flat tire. As we followed him, the tire disintegrated, chunks of it hitting the cruiser.yet the guy still drove on, sparks just spraying off the bare metal rim. True to to form, the guy ‘fessed up to having “just a couple of beers.”
Jeff, keep up the good work on the book. After it gets published, let me know if you’ll be doing any book signings…I swear, I’ll be there to get my copy autographed!
….oh, and to all the bitter married guys, here’s the secret to a happy marriage: Just dress like the swashbuckling pirate on the cover of every other Harlequin Romance novel…while you take out the trash each morning.
I just got the present I ordered for my wife in the mail. A tee-shirt that says “And then Buffy staked Edward…The End”.
Damn we hate all this New Moon shit!
Or Twilight…or whatever.
Clint and others,
Just to be clear…I have three close WSP relatives, two retired and one active, and another three to whom I’m related by marriage, all retired. I am not an active nor retired WSP trooper or officer.
In addition, I have hunted, golfed, camped, and caroused with troops and officers. One of my buddies is a retired Asst Chief.
I proudly served with the Tacoma Police Department and Pierce County Sheriff’s Department early in my career in a civilian capacity. Several of my current friends are active Pierce County Deputies. All my TPD buddies are retired.
Being a law enforcement person is a calling. The hours are lousy; the pay used to be really bad and is now just OK; in the case of the WSP, you need to accept transfer all over the state if you wish to advance; every car you stop might mean the end of your life and an end for your family.
So family becomes very important to law enforcement officers. I’m so used to letting people know I’m part of a law enforcement family that I forget that it might sound like I’m a cop. I’m not. But there are a dozen families I’ve been ready to take care of should the badge-wearing member not come home.
Thankfully, that has not happened among the many officers in and close to my family. My closest relative didn’t fire his service weapon in 35 years on the roads of Washington nor as leader of the WSP swat team. Yeah, he fired on the range.
Long post, but I didn’t want to just say that I’m not a cop. It’s been a tough month for law enforcement in the Puget Sound area. I’m proud of my friends and family; the did and are doing a fine job in a proud profession.
jtb
This was on Fark today, kind of appropriate:
http://www.kfab.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=122285&article=6442870
The current wife and I are both on marriage #2, and the humor gets better the second time around, for sure. No infantile expectations, although she said once: “second marriages are the victory of hope over experience.”
I know just what she means…
I don’t like being number one and nobody can make me like it.
I don’t twitter and I don’t tweet, so maybe Jeff got some kind of answer to his inquiry about Parson Brown from a mysterious wireless wandering database, but I have to assume he was curious.
Father Brown is an English Priest/Detective created by G. K. Chesterton who appears in 52 short stories published first in Great Britain and then in the United States and around the world.
In 1974, PBS’ “Mystery” TV show picked up 13 episodes of “Father Brown” from Associated TeleVision in the UK, and broadcast them as part of Mystery.
Father Brown is a well loved figure the world over. In Italy, the show “I racconti di padre Brown” starred Renato Rascel and was a hit on Italian television.
The story continues throughout many countries on a few continents. G.K. really nailed the detective form with the good Father.
Parson Brown is a name made up by Richard B. Smith while writing the lyrics for the song Winter Wonderland. The name’s only known virtue is that it rhymes with “while we’re in town”.
The song has been recorded by, among many, many others: Bob Dylan, Tom Astor, George Strait, Tony Bennett, Karen Carpenter, Perry Como, Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, the Eurythmics, Elvis Presley, Goldfrapp, Cyndi Lauper, Darlene Love, Johnny Mathis, Ozzy Osbourne, Dolly Parton, Frank Sinatra, Stryper, the Cocteau Twins, Selena Gomez & The Scene, Jackie Gleason, and Steve Goodman (who is best known for “City of New Orleans” but should be known for mounting a remarkably courageous fight against leukemia).
Parson Brown can go fuck himself or Richard B. Smith, here, or, in exegesis, while the’re in town.
jtb
Actually…Parson Brown was needed..”He’ll say are you married, we’ll say no man. But you can do the job while you’re in town”. So they needed a Parson to marry them and ‘back in the the day’ , there were traveling Parsons, so he just happened to be in town!Parson Gafferity would not have woked. Actually very good lyrical writing.
I can’t imagine how long it takes to spell check 250 pages+ but do you have it set up so it tells you the reading grade level? That’d be interesting to know.
Some bullshit legislation in Cincinnati for the last election was written at a 29th grade level.
This was written at a 6.7th grade level.
Good Morning Surf Reporters………………
Watched Home for the Holidays last night. An excellent movie it’s just technically not a Christmas movie but a Thanksgiving movie. I suppose they mention seeing each other at Christmas a couple of times.
Home for the Holidays is one of my favorite movies. Just the ticket for the cynical type like me that would prefer to be in an alcoholic fog from roughly mid-November until January 2.
Of course, with 3 kids now, that’s impossible. We’ll be getting our tree this week, and spending some stimulus money the next.
allo everybody having some black tooth grins and chillaxin hope you are all having a good night!
Good Morning Surf Reporters….
this situation is under control, continue to remain calm.
In the event this web site looses pressure, oxygen masks will pop out of your keyboard. Assist the young & elderly first, then place your mask on your face and continue breathing normally. Or just run around screaming “Fuck Me, Fuck Me, oh man, this is it.”
In the event of a water landing, we’re all done for, because seriously, what are the chances water comes into direct play while we’re all reading this? However, should this occur, your seat cushion can be used to dry your tears, and if needed, blow your nose.
Please observe the Smoking Fish signs located throughout. If there is a cigarette in the fish’s mouth you’re good to go.
Our Captain for this journey is the ever capable Mr. Kay. You will hear occasional announcements from the captain. Disregard with extreme prejudice and continue as you were.
If you need any further assistance, my name is JCIII and I will be available in the aft galley, consuming more booze than you’ve ever seen in your life.
Once again, welcome aboard the Surf Report. Sit back, relax and enjoy.
I don’t know JCIII, I’ve seen a lot of booze in my day.
Home for the Holidays is one of my favorite “holiday” movies. Ann Bancroft is brilliant in it..
Raining here today – movies in que: Inside, Inglorious Bastards and District 9. Anyone have any advice? Am I gonna waste 2 hours of my life on any of these?
I’ve never heard of “Inside”. A friend of mine came by yesterday with it – she said, and I quote: “My husband said it’s the most disturbing movie he’s ever seen. You were the first one he thought of” as she handed me the DVD.
Just in case you were interested in what the Knuckleheads were doing today…
Happy Sunday, Surfers!
Knucklehead- My wife and I saw District 9 at the theater when it came out. We gave it 3.5 out of 5. Good concept, story moved well, but lacked something? It is worth a look though
Knucklehead, the husband and I really enjoyed Inglorious Bastards. Haven’t seen the other two.
On TV right now… commercial for The Shack. Who do they think they’re kidding?
And as for the Q of the D, I am with Jeff. I am very happy to be married to my husband. He does some things that drive me crazy, and I know that I can be quite difficult to live with, but there doesn’t seem to be much grudge holding. Something came up yesterday about a poorly timed, impromptu fart, but that wasn’t a grudge so much as a reminder and request to not repeat the incident.
We seemed to get past the whole grudge holding thing a few years ago. About 8 years ago I got really sick. My temperature was 105; I was coughing up blood, and I paced the floor in agony all night. It was like a bad episode of Little House on the Prairie. I got so sick I almost went blind.
My husband slept like a baby through the whole thing When he got up the next morning, I told him that I thought I might need medical attention, and he got pissy and said, “Well, do you or don’t you? I need to go to work?”
Yeah, I was pretty salty about his attitude, and I brought it up at every opportunity. He didn’t seem too bothered about it until about 2 years later when he broke his leg. In two places. And I went all Kathy Bates on his ass. Yes, I did take him to the hospital, eventually, and after much mocking and ridicule, but not before I felt vindicated. We’re cool now.
Good morning, Surf Reporters…
JCIII — tell those damned stewardesses to bring the fucking drink cart around already! We’re dying back here in coach!
Did a gig in Cleveland on Saturday and surprisingly no one brought up the ass whipping that the Steelers received last week. The bar had $1 cans of Pabst and Black Label, so I didn’t even have to smuggle in a flask or sixer. Small victories: I’ll take ‘em when I can get ‘em.
On the turntable: “You’re Not As Pretty” — Reigning Sound
Knucklehead:
There are six or so movies with name ‘Inside’. Which one do you have?
Black Label. I moved out west just so I would never have to accidentally taste that crap again.
Knucklehead-Sorry, I can’t help myself sometimes.
AWG-How did that chili end up working out for you?
Hey guys…Jeff asked me to let you know that he’s written the update, but the internet’s been down for almost 4 hours…he then said ‘grrrr’.
Damnittall! Get Al Gore on the line and get this fixed!
Metten – Did he say ‘Grrrr’ or ‘Grrrrr’?
The internet is fine.
WB- I think I may have the colon of a newborn now.
On IPOD right now- “When the Tigers Broke Free”- Pink Floyd
Um Metton – I fixed the Internet earlier last decade. All is well. Now get me my update!
I’d like to second that Grrrr. Grrrr.
I don’t know if it’s a result of global warming, or whatever. I knew it was going to happen – they have been slowly migrating all over Texas.
This morning I spotted a Croc in my back yard. I wish Steve Irwin was still around.
http://halfdillo.blogspot.com/2009/12/heres-pic-i-took-of-croc-in-my-back.html
“Sweet Sainted Mother of Bonnie Franklin…this was a GREAT read”! ~ Claire Franklin
(Yes, Bonnie’s mother).
heh
Fortunately, he texted it, so I can quote verbatim:
“Can you please leave a comment at thewvsr letting everyone know our fucking internet is down? It’s been dead for 3 hours. Grrr…”
So there you have it, Grrr with 3 rrr’s
He’da done more ‘rrrr’s but he was busy whipping his hands through his hair. It has grown back has’t it?
JCIII…pick yourself up off the galley floor and go back to your seat. We’ll be landing soon. And bring some more bourbon with you!
That’s an “r ” for each hour. I’m assuming that it’s a full blown “grrrrrrrr” by now.
Okay, we watched “Inside” last night. Oh. My. Gawd.
Chuck, it’s a French movie that’s been overdubbed. One of the most disturbing and gruesome movies I’ve ever seen. In other words…I LOVED it! Be warned if you decide to check it out – it’s pretty gnarly.
So, per Barbie we’re checking out Inglorious Bastards next and then on to District 9 per Sidney. Bad Lieutenant can wait. Not a big fan of Nick Cage, anyway.
Now, I’m gonna go hit BevMo and pick up a bottle of Maker’s Mark. You guys are always raving about it, so I’m gonna hop on the bandwagon. I just realized that Xmas is only a week from Thursday, so I need a drink. BOY do I need a drink!
Happy Monday, Surfers!
Rat Bastard – Where did you play in Cleveland?!?
Knucklehead: Happy Bourbon Season!!! Maker’s Mark rocks. It was “premium bourbon” before there was a category called “premium bourbon.” None of that “single barrel” hype needed — just quality bourbon made the old-fashioned way in (relatively) small batches, and finished-off in the coolest bottle imaginable. (Yes, each bottle really is dipped one-by-one into a vat of molten red wax by old Kentucky ladies in hairnets, at least it was when I visited the distillery 20-some years ago. I can’t imagine anything’s changed since then.)
http://www.makersmark.com
Currently watching ‘Mr Bean’s Christmas – so goofy!!!’
There is an entire generation of tweeting, facebook loving, 0 atention span “Tards” that have been told a cocktail is a “Martini” As it’s the Christmas season lets put my secret desire to shove them all through a woodchipper aside! For the rest of us: The bourbon old fashioned! A real drink! Why would anyone drink anything else? ; measure 1/2 tablespoon of sugar in an old fashioned glass, coat with angostura bitters (about 6 drops). Add about 1 inch of club soda, stir until sugar dissolves. Stack 6-8 ice cubes in a cocktail shaker, pour three shots of makers mark over the ice and allow it to settle on the bottom. Add mixture from glass to the ice. Secure the shaker, and shake about 6 times. Gently pour out contents into the old fashioned glass, add two maraschino cherries and an orange slice. Slurp immediately. Damn life is good:)
KNH, I am not that into movies, but I talk to so many people who don’t like Nicholas Cage. I guess I need to see him more. I liked him in Wild at Heart so many years ago. What don’t you like of him? Is it that he only has one personality? That’s kinda what I’ve heard.
NO
WVKay, on December 10th, 2009 at 8:18 pm Said:
“Mr. Kay’s book is more fun than smelling an erection.”
t-storm, on December 10th, 2009 at 8:20 pm Said:
Pre or post coitus?
Definitely pre. I have never witnessed a post coitus erection.
WTB — the gig was at place called “Now That’s Class” that I think is on the west side of Cleveland on Detroit.. It’s run by a friend of a friend, pretty cool place.
Uncle_Wedgie — beggars can’t be choosers. I never thought that I’d be drinking that shit at my age. Especially after drinking so much of it in my early 20s.
AWG — there are a bunch of disturbing videos on the stupid-net involving people eating those “Ghost Peppers.” I take it you didn’t use enough of them in the chili to put yourself into an altered state of pain?
Oh yeah…someone please send that damned drink cart around again. This has been a long flight.
Having read some of these comments, it is is more than a little disturbing that many of the anecdotes refer to stories involving their “former” spouse/significant other, “their ex” or speak about their “defunct” marriage or their “first” wife.
stuart:
In the last 30 years, about 55% of marriages have ended in divorce. The comments above contain pretty close to an equal number of stories about happy and sad marriages. Jeff himself has one of the happy ones.
This is a forum in which people speak freely and honestly about their lives, their feelings, about the fast food they eat, and about chili as a meal, prepared by one’s spouse or self-prepared. For some people it is an opportunity to vent about deeply-felt events in their lives, knowing they will not be judged and that they will find a supportive environment.
I find nothing disturbing in these comments. Some marriages are unhappy and most divorces are painful. If we share our stories, happy and sad, in this forum, it serves as an opportunity to get some history off our backs so we can move on.
That’s the kind of safe environment Jeff provides, and I’m proud to be a participant in the discussions. There are very nice people here and they are fun to hang out with in cyberspace. Many, including myself, are fairly disturbed, but that’s part of the fun.
I wear my WVSR t-shirt with pride.
jtb
Here here JTB!!!!
I think we overshot the runway…
Lighten up stuart…it is the interwebs. most of it is lies just to get a chuckle.
I don’t think Stuart was being judgmental or critical in using the words “a little disturbing.” I think he was just making a matter-of-fact observation. It’s probably disturbing to him if he’s in a marriage, to think that it could go kaput; or disturbing to him if he’s not married but hopes to be someday, again thinking that it could easily go kaput. A natural reaction in both cases.
It was written out as “more than a little disturbing”…..apparently it doesn’t take much to disturb stuart. Moreover, his assessment doesn’t even include any comments from Jason. Reading about cheese-fucking might send him over the edge.
When I can afford it, I like Knob Creek over Maker’s Mark. The Smokey flavor from the charred white oak barrels really does it for me.
I think JTB has become our voice of reason.
I’m feeling faint…where’s my oxygen mask!
Hold on Sidney, the Captain has just been cleared to land. This should be over soon.