A Surprisingly Unsatisfactory Halloween
Halloween used to be a big deal around our house. When our kids were younger they jumped into it with all four feet. Every weekend we’d have to take them to various “scary stores” around town, and they plotted and schemed for a couple of months in advance of the Big Day.
Now? They couldn’t give a single dingle. …Well, OK, maybe a single dingle, but definitely no more than one. It makes me a little sad, if you want to know the truth.
I know they’re growing up, and things change, but I liked it better when everything excited them. The jaded teenage “I’ve seen it all” years tend to piss me off. Because they HAVEN’T seen it all; who are they trying to fool? What kind of ridiculous scam are they trying to pull-off here?
The older Secret went to a party at a trustable friend’s house, so he wasn’t even with us during the evening. And his “costume” was thrown together at the last minute, with very little enthusiasm. Boy oh boy… the nine year old him would’ve been appalled.
The younger boy always goes trick or treating with a certain friend, and he was out of town this year. So, that was kind of a bummer, too.
I took him around the neighborhood, but his heart clearly wasn’t in it. It wasn’t the same without his buddy, and he was kinda irritated that his brother wasn’t around. There was a definite negative vibe wafting off that miniature zombie.
Plus, I’d guess two-thirds of the houses had their porch lights turned off. Wot up wit’ dat? At many of the darkened houses I could see the light of a TV screen through a basement window. The stick-up-their-ass bastards were hiding out down there, with their black, black souls.
While we walked I kept hearing a weird noise off in the distance, something that sounded like cheering at a sporting event, but higher pitched. The crap?
Finally, we encountered a group of tragically nerdy high school boys, all dressed as ghosts and being “outrageous.” While they walked between houses they continuously made shrill ghost noises, which they obviously believed was wild and wacky stuff.
That’s what I’d been hearing: high-douchery in action.
But even worse was what they did after someone answered the knock at their front door. These guys would launch into a fully-scripted chant of some sort, that lasted WAAAAY too long. And the poor sap who’d come to the door with a bowl of candy would have to stand there with a tortured smile plastered on his face, waiting for it to end. …And would it ever end??
Yes, it was a large roaming herd of boy-nerds, who will talk about that night for the rest of their lives. It’ll be one of their greatest triumphs. God, they’ll tell anyone who’ll listen, we were crazy back then, just out of control… I was hoping someone would throw a Crockpot full of chili on them.
So, yeah. I was irritated that our kids weren’t more into it, and also irritated other kids were too into it. I know it’s hypocritical. What of it?
Halloween night is also the traditional start of Bourbon Season, but that was compromised as well. Since the older boy wasn’t home, we didn’t feel comfortable breaking into the bottle of Jack Daniel’s purchased earlier in the day. He’d arranged for a ride home, but you never know.
So, we didn’t kick off the Season until about 10 pm. And only had one drink each… Lame, man. But I’m confident we’ll make up for it in the long run. Especially once Sunshine & Mumbles arrive in mid-December, and the Nancy clan descends on the compound for Christmas.
Yeah, it’s probably best that we’re pacing ourselves. Sweet sainted mother of Bill Oates!
I know this one is short, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. In the comments, please tell us about your Halloween this go-round. Was it more satisfying than ours, I hope?
Also, do you have any actual wildness stories from Halloweens past? Not choreographed nerdplay, but real craziness from your youth? We did the normal stuff: soaped windows, threw eggs (you have to shake them first, or they’ll explode in your throwing hand), wrist-rocket fun, M-80s in mailboxes, etc. You know, stuff that would’ve caused those “ghosts” to soil their sheets.
Tell us all about it, won’t you?
And I’ll be back tomorrow, with more. See ya then.
Filed under: Daily
I actually enjoy being first a great deal
Boo-ya. 2nd.
I was up on theTHIRD floor watching the ballgame and a guy with his hospital gown open in the back kept walking by muttering something about being a “Full Moon”. Weird.
I thought it was John Oates
Oh and I saw KISS play this Halloween. Rockin.
I won’t even go into the shit we used to do on Halloween. I’m sure they’ve all heard it before.
I sat in the dark with my black, black soul and watched Oregon kick the shit out of USC, and I’m not even a baseball fan.
“Since the older boy wasn’t home, we didn’t feel comfortable breaking into the bottle of Jack Daniel’s purchased earlier in the day.”
I almost thought the next sentence was going to be: “We had promised him we’d wait until he got home to open it, because he wanted to have the first glass of whiskey of the season.” Or somethin’ like that.
And by the way, I’m one of those two-thirds. I don’t actually hide in the basement, but I make it a point to find something to do, like a movie or dinner out, every Halloween night.
What’s the Halloween version of “bah, humbug!”? Because that’s me. You could take Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day and Valentine’s, roll them up in a ball an throw them away and I’d thank you for it.
Boo, humbug!
Went to the Penguin game and watched them lose. However we were in a box and came this II close to riding the elevator with Mario Lemiuex. woo.
Realizing your kids are growing up too fast SUCKS. We are at that stage when my 7 year old comes home asking why all her friends are claiming that Santa Claus and the tooth fairy aren’t real. Little punk-ass bully girls, ruining it for the rest of them.
Anyway, we had a GREAT Halloween! The neighborhood was filled with really cute little kids wearing really, really good (surprisingly well thought out and made) costumes. Most houses were lit up like Christmas trees and we have enough candy to last till next Halloween. Luckily, my kids are 2 and 7, and we still have joy, wonder and enthusiasm to spare. Why can’t they stay little?
I was such a good girl, I have not one interesting Halloween story to tell. Great report today! Thanks!
…but I thought that Bill Oates was taken back to his celestial home back in January of 2007 (?)
We sat in the dark drinking gin & tonics and watching football. What of it? Our kid is 25–no telling what he was off doing. Our duty’s done. I’ve been pissed with Halloween since the back-to-back pumpkin incidents. Screw ‘em. Learn some manners, then we’ll talk about candy.
As in previous years, I planned the usual “stuck at home” ritual. Usually a kid comes to the door first and I dump the entire bucket of goods into his bag. Then, I turn out the lights and retreat to the back porch and smoke until my wife comes home with the AngryWhiteGirl. AngryWhiteBoy was also at a trusted friends house for the night. When Child Bride arrived home with AngryWhiteGirl, she said,” There must have been a lot of trick or treaters here tonight.” I said there were and took my daughter out again in OUR neighborhood (wife takes them to the rich ‘hoods), and suggested that she leave the light off.
This year, however, two high school punks showed up first. Wearing masks and no other costumy things. I asked them if they were the leaders of my future and they just stared at me with their bags out. I went to the kitchen and retrieved a can of clam chowder and a can of black beans and dropped them in their bags. They left with no incident. Five minutes later, the lucky kid (may have been the same kid from last year) showed up and the treat giving was over.
Dogberry Jr., I’m with ya.
On IPOD right now- Voodoo Idol”- The Cramps
I drank a 5L keg of Hiney-can whilst handing out candy. It was a great time.
We used to do all the standard crap at halloween. It was a license to run the streets after dark. What a great thing!
Way back in college and before political correctness, I dressed up as Aunt Jemima and won for the best costume. I lived in a predominantly white area and no one gave it a second thought, especially since I frequently ended up in conversations about food and had people drooling. If I were to do that now, I’d likely be shot dead on the spot by someone who misinterpreted my reverence for pancakes. While I was sitting in smoke-filled Denny’s at 3am, a very drunk woman approached me and told me that I made the best mammy she’d ever seen. Again, it was long ago, before political correctness and before the Wayans brothers made a movie about White Chicks.
I usually don’t get many trick-or-treaters. My house is at the end of the street and the little bastards are too lazy to make the walk because there are no houses opposite mine (only a creek) to make the loop worthwhile. Last year, however, there was a rush of kids for some reason, and I had to start rationing rather than giving 2-3. Some snotty pre-teen said, “What? Only one?” to which I replied, “I can take it back if you’d rather not have it.” Her mother said nothing and appeared unfazed by her daughter’s sense of entitlement. And the little fuckers who have come to expect full-sized candy bars just piss me off.
This year I turned off the lights, went to a party dressed as roadkill, and ate myself into oblivion – meatballs, sausages, pesto tortellini, cupcakes, pigs in a blanket. I had a few margaritas early on hoping that the alcohol would burn off before my next scheduled dose of antibiotics. The worst part was that before switching meds, I had had an allergic reaction that included a full-body itchy rash that still plagues me somewhat. How does one surreptitiously stick one’s hand down one’s skirt to scratch without a bunch of drunks calling me on it and mocking me mercilessly?
Shit AWG!
Douchy teens don’t deserve clam chowder.
Next time be ready and have a few packages of Raman Noodles laying around.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
When my kids were younger, I got into Halloween a little bit more than I do now. Momma would take the youngins out on their quest for treats while I manned the front porch, handing out candy with one hand and cradling a cold Rolling Rock in the other.
I always liked to hassle the “way too old to be Trick or Treating” crowd, especially when they were in a gang all dressed in street clothes. Their costume consisted on a bandana wrapped around their head. Oh, you’re supposed to be who? I don’t see it, get off my porch.
Now I don’t give a rats ass about the whole thing. The missus still likes to decorate the front porch and dress in some funky outfit and hand out the candy. Thankfully this year trick or treat was on a Thursday and I worked until 9 o’clock. I got to avoid the whole unpleasantness.
Never really went out and caused mischief in my younger days, although one year, instead of smashing someones pumpkin off of their front porch, we kidnapped it (pumpkinapped?gourdnapped?) and held it for ransom.
We never got anything out of it. Matter of fact we got found out and threatened to be physically beaten if we didn’t return the pumpkin unscathed.
Woot!!! Top 20…Ok, I’m done…
Jeff,
On the WVSR Classic page, I loved your picture of Rudy’s Bar. Did you go in? It’s like a little bit of small town bar in NYC. While beers cost $9 everywhere else, Rudy’s is more in line with “normal prices, plus they give you as many free hot dogs that you can mash down your gullet.
One of my favorite places on earth.
In my youf, I did what most teen boys did on Halloewwn. stuff with fire crackers and flammable liquids. I taped an M-80 to a gallon milk jug full of gasoline and Tide soap powder (don’t ask how I knew this stuff), lit it, and tossed it off the bridge over the nearby Big-assed River. Before the jug ‘o death reached the river 150 feet below, it went boom…creating a fireball the size of an entire gymnasium. Holy crap, it even caught the forest on fire on both sides of the river and burned all the wiring off the bridge. Me, a buddy, and 3 bottles of Mad Dog (MD-20/20) hid up in the woods for over 2 hrs while we watched the fire department and the Div. of Inland Waters scour the river for what they thought was a plane that hit the bridge or a car that somehow jumped the bridge without hitting the rail (WTF??). Good times in the mid 1970’s. In later years I taught people how to blow stuff up in the Army.
He blowed up real good.
Those sorts of things are not so great when you get old, and it goes on around you. LOL.
Took Der Boy out dressed as a ghoul. He scared the living piss outa a bunch of younger kids, so I consider his costume a success. As a bonus I had some dim witted hausfrau whine and moan that my son scared her precious crotch-fruit (dressed as a princess of course) to the point of tears.
In my younger days my friends and I were responsible for a lot of Halloween damage in my town. In ‘81 we were egging passing cars on Main Street when about 10 of us hit the same truck windshield. The guy jammed his brakes on and came to a fast stop, so we didn’t stick around to discuss the matter with him. We found out later from some other kids that we broke his windshield and he almost wrecked out. As Jeff would say, “good times!” Other pranks included:
-taking a box of maxi pads, covering them in ketchup, and plastering them on cars, windows, other kids
-burning giant swastikas on the playing field at school
-painting some guy’s car pink (including the windshield) using brushes
-dumped an open case of motor oil in some guys pool
-removing all the lug nuts on some guy’s car
-crazy gluing locks
-inverted the crucifix on the local Catholic school
-tied a rope across the street to rip antenna off cars (we didn’t think of motor bikes)
-put road kill (very ripe) in people’s mail boxes
-dumped a bottle of “skunk piss” (used for training dogs) in a guy’s car
-cutting valve stems off tires (usually all four)
-etc.
Yes, we were assholes.
Jack Daniels is not bourbon. I’m ashamed of you, Jeffrey.
I am not suggesting you call it whiskey season, either. Just stick to the good stuff.
What happened to the Makers Mark?
I have done the maxi pads/ketchup routine. We were also solely responsible for all the houses of our rivals being corned. This involved shucking raw corn and throwing it at windows. It doesn’t do any damage but makes an ass ton of noise.
This Halloween i was lame as lame can be. I went out the night before for a birthday party and played slutty costume bingo. Multiple shots at my age, however, are not a good idea. I was too hungover to do anything on Saturday. And not a single trick or treater. I guess the little bastards did not want to go up to the 3rd floor.
Jeff- Maybe all those houses were dark because they have the flu and did not want to give out the plague with the candy? Just a thought.
Well I’ve been to old to trick or treat for several years now and never liked getting dressed up to go out to the bars. I mean I can go drink myself stupid any night of the week (single life has its upsides) so why bother with the hoopla. Boo Humbug is right, went to my favorite dive bar Friday night for a couple of pints of PBR and couldn’t get in because a bus load of douchebags decided to rent a bus, get dressed up and party like it was 1999, I hope their heads split open from nasty hangovers, amatuers! Enough vitriol.
Jeff, I’m going to have to agree and disagree with poppajugs, JD is not bourbon. But I will not fault you for drinking it, it is quite tasty. Try the Gentleman Jack sometime, major tasty. Or better yet grab a bottle of Knob Creek, it is bourbon, 100 proof, you’ll want to make sure you hide the car keys before you start in on that stuff.
We pretty much pulled stupid shit all year round and I don’t recall going out of our way on halloween.
Man, we’ve got a lot of halloween curmudgens here.
Dismal turnout overall, we had all of 28 kids come a knocking. Decent bunch however, and well done costumes. I’m guessing swine flu has scared off all but the die-hards.
Halloween used to be my most favorite holiday. Now with no trick or treaters nor party invitations appearing at my doorstep, it’s fallen to “That Pain-in-the-Ass Interlude Between Labor Day and Thanksgiving”. Last year we decided to begin a tradition of leaving our darkened neighborhood and joining the old farts at Perkins to gorge ourselves on pumpkin pie. But this year they didn’t have any. I guess some suit down at Perkins HQ decided it was more economically viable to hold off on the pumpkin pie until Fall is three-quarters of the way over. Asshats! Thus another short-lived Halloween tradition bites the dust.
We ended up eating coconut cream pie, which was gross, and toodling over to Barnes & Noble, where I bought my first Christmas gift. Santa has already stuck his butt so far into Halloween at this point that it didn’t feel odd in the slightest.
Crap, I think I just out-lamed everybody!
I didn’t get home from work until almost 6 Halloween night. It was still light out and some dad was schlepping his two rugrats towards my house. I thought “Fuck! There’s no pretending I’m not home now.” As I walked to get the mail the dad rolled his eyes as indication that he was doing this insufferable lameness against his will. I told him not to come to my house unless he wanted his kids to get creamed corn and mixed vegetables.
Tyrosine – Christ! You WERE an asshole!
Where’s Jason? I want to know what ’sausage man’ gave out this year.
14th year in a row and nary a trick or treater. Sucks but I’m surrounded b state land and totally isolated.
Halloween hijinks takeme back to when my best friend and I were going to hit the streets (1975?) and her father particularly told us DO NOT TOUCH HIS SHAVING CREAM! – That big ass can of Barbisol. Of course we took it. Runnin through these connecting hallways in an apartment complex, I burst through an exit door and right smack into the crotch of an incredibly huge police officer. All I recall was a huge catcher’s mitt of a hand coming down on my shoulder and that big ass can of Barbasol being yanked from my grip. Being a 13 year old girl, I tried to well up a few tears to no avail. My stash was confiscated.
Halloween this year….Beer,sushi, beer, sex…
enough said.
New WSVR T Shirt:
“I went trick or treating & all I got was this lousy can of Chowder”
In my little Burgh of Burlington two streets over from me is Seneca ave, a street about 3 blocks long single detached homes & every Year the residents go nuts: Everything from Ghost ships & pirates to Zombie cars crashed into the side of a house Giant inflatable King Kongs popcorn machines, Horror films projected onto bedsheets in peoples front yards th whole shooting match! Not only is it great fun it keeps all the brats off my street so I can focus on Bourbon Season:)
Hafta agree with better minds than mine: J.D. aint Bourbon! Kicked off the season with Bulleit! it’s no Makers mark but the bottle looks straight out of a deadwood Saloon! bite out the cork, take a swig & for 5 seconds you are part of the wild bunch:)
Giving out caramel covered onions on a stick to children. Oh the look of surprise on their young faces. No apple here.
Suddenly I have a hankering for a giant glass of whiskey. I’m talking water glass size with ice.
Hell, make it a Big Gulp.
We had our light off, too. Saturday was city-wide TorT from 1 – 4, and then the Ye Old Neighborhoode Associatione had its TorT from 6 – 9. I got shit to do, people.
Besides, I used to do the whole “scary music, witch’s costume, take pictures” deal and I don’t even have kids. The last few years I made any kind of effort, I’d have a huge ass bowl of candy and three cute kids and 6 teenagers taller than me would show up. The teenagers stopped coming when I instituted the “if you’re taller than the electrical tape mark (my height), you can TRADE for a piece of candy but not get one free” rule.
We had a good Halloween. My girls are itty-bitty, so they were thrilled with the whole deal. Pretty much everyone in the neighborhood and surrounding streets participate. One of my pals came over and we put bales of hay in his trailor, and he drove us around while the kids jumped on and off – good for me, not lots of walking.
Yall remember the nut I told you about the other day? The guy that dropped hot sausages off his grill into the kids’ pumpkins? He did something equally bizarre this year. I have a picture, we’re getting a disk made at Walgreen’s and I’ll upload it soon. Crazy fun.
Friday night got barred from my neighborhood bar.
The shitstack that got me barred also tried to get the head bartender barred.
Saturday night my bartenders got me reinstated plus the head bartender got a promotion, a $5 grand a yr raise, and said shitstack might get barred.
Don’t fuck with T-Storm when he’s drinking.
t-storm,
How does anyone get barred from a bar? Not paying or something? That’s a buncha bullshit right there. I know some people. If you want the shitstack’s brake lines cut, or somthing like that, you let me know. Unreal. Absurd. Asinine. Disgusting. I’m beside myself.
Hello fellow surfers! Did ya miss me?
I, unfortunately, spent this Halloween in a hotel bed in Athens, Greece, with a bad case of the HOLY SHIT MY NECK HURTS while my family (yes, husband included) went out to dinner. Fuckers.
Halloween my Junior Year of High School:
I told my parents I was going to be at a party at a friend’s house but I was really throwing a Halloween party in a cemetary in Los Altos, California. It was supposed to be a small little gig, but word spread, as it does during the high school days, and it ended up being a full-on raver. The police came to break it up – news cameras were there and everything (I said it got a little out of hand, right?) Well, guess who was watching the local news that night? Yeeeeahhh. When I got home they asked me how my party was, and I told them it was okay, nothing special and then it was (shall we say) MENTIONED that I had been on the news about an hour before.
I believe I was grounded for a very long time.
Good times.
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
It was a lame Halloween around here. No customers, ZERO, and I live in a residential neighborhood which contains a goodly quantity of kids. Granted it was raining and a little chilly, but come on, folks. Now I have several pounds of candy to deal with.
Due to the weather in the last few weeks, Whisky Season started early at my house. (If anyone cares, ‘whisky’ means ‘Scotch’ when you spell it that way.) Working on some Lagavulin right now; better than Peanut Butter Cups!
I forgot about this until just now:
When we was chillins, my dad and my friend’s dad used to take us trick or treating every year with plastic cups full of wine. Every few houses, they would come to the door with us and “trick or treat” for alcohol. They were never turned down and people thought it was hilarious. This was in the late 60s/early 70s. They had to have been trashed by the time we got back home – they would leave with red wine and would often get something other than that. I remember people saying “we don’t have red wine but we have….” I never remember them turning anything down. Hilarious.
@knucklehead how cool to have a genius for a dad!!!!
@chill Lagavulin is $120 bucks a bottle in these parts who did you have to kill for it?
Mr. Llama and I somehow neglected to buy any Halloween candy this year. And, the trick or treaters came out early and in full force. I had to forage around in my pantry for suitable treats. Luckily, I found half a bag of snack-sized chocolate bars from Trader Joe’s to hand out for the short time we were home.
We spent the rest of the evening watching the Dead Milkmen play a reunion show in Philly. It was like 1987 all over again, mosh pit and all. Good times.
Did Jeff mention that Charlie West has been showing up on his FB page. If your on FB get there and check it out. If your not on FB, this sounds like a good time to start. Or are you still gonna be a wussy? Yeah, I thought so, bite me!!!
I need a Charlie West Facebook link
cannot find it.
Jeff:
Loved the NY pics from 2004.
My favorite was the guy sitting on a pole.
Detailed observations w/ pictures rock!
Well, I have a 4-year old and a 1.5-year old, so we were into Halloween in a big way. Home from work meant immediately carving pumpkins into reee-dickurous Jack O’Lanterns that were lit up and put out front like they were each the fucking Venus de Milo. They weren’t.
I live in an isolated neighborhood of only 25 houses, so all the kids gather at one house for pizza (and lots of beer and wine for the parental units), then they trick or treat together. My 4 year old was Batman, very proud of the outfit his dad got him (I was Batman at 8 years old, so this was a great piece of nostalgia), the younger one was Eeyore. He freaked at everyone else’s costume and had to be pulled/dragged/strollered the rest of the way.
I went home and BBQ’d some steaks later on and we downed a very nice bottle of Wild Horse Cabernet with the meat after the kids went to bed in a sugar-induced haze. Overall not a bad night, since I went to bed in an alcohol-induced haze a few hours later.
My older son is a moody teenager and Mr. Kay has already written about him – hasty costume, party at another kids house, etc. Although the neighborhood he went to is one of those that goes nuts with lights and displays – one parent I talked to later had 300 kids show up and she ran OUT of candy! Unheard of!
For the last few years our tradition has been to hang with the neighbors. The wife next door and I hand out candy and drink, while the husbands take the kids out trick or treating. Well, my kids don’t go, because I don’t have any.
This year the neighbor wife is pregnant, so I had to drink for the both of us. It was a sacrifice, but, you know, I do what I can.
Anyway, their kids are 4 and 6 and very into the whole thing. The 4 year old even slept in his costume.
This older guy, I’ll call him Bobby Ford, had a real problem with this elderly couple in a little residential section, I’ll call Riverbend.
He stood out on the road with a half dozen eggs while my friend and I went up to their door. We knocked on the door and the elderly lady answered. We said trick or treat and the eggs came flying in. The lady shrieked and the old man came a runnin asking us what hell we were doing. Funny thing is the lady defended us by explaining that we were standing right there and couldn’t have done it. Spooky revenge.
I don’t remember why I didn’t participate in this, but for whatever reasons a bunch of my friends were busted for filling lightbulbs with Elmers glue and throwing them off a railroad tressle at passing cars. Don’t ask me how they got glue into a light bulb and resealed it–but teenage engineering is an amzing thing.
They got hauled into the police station, parents were called, the full drill. To my knowledge, nothing ever came of it other than a stern effort to scare the shit out of them.
I was shot at, and actually hit by shotgun pellets one time, while “rolling” a guy’s house. It was one of our final missions in high school–a 100-roll job. There wer probably a dozen of us engaged in the effort and we had it done, 100-rolls were engaged. We were just finishing up with unravelling the last of those that still had some tp on the dowel. When a neighobr showed up, shouted, and opened fire. We ran like hell in all directions. The guy actually shot out a window and put a shotgun blast through a wall of the home he was attempting to protect.
He was arrested, but I never let on I was involved–but the pellets stung like hell.
Buck Out
Halloween is still my favorite holiday, but this year was a little low-key. My band played a house party an hour north of Pittsburgh; a friend was supposed to drive but he got drunk on whiskey and when I showed up to catch a ride I became the designated driver (and I’d been drinking beer that afternoon). The house party was fun, stayed up all night doing the usual stuff and drove home the next afternoon. No costume, just being myself was scary enough.
We used to collect osage oranges (”Monkeyballs” or “Hedgeapples”) around Halloween and throw them at people’s cars and houses. I hit someone’s side mirror one time from a moving car going about 75mph. Fucker exploded and destroyed the mirror. Explosives also came into play, guess that things are the same wherever you go — to quote Mr. MacGowan.
Halloween has always been my favorite! Although this year was a complete bust. Nothing..I mean NOTHING. We usually have an annual “Pimp-n-Ho” costume party..although some guests don’t have to dress up… but this year it was a no-go. Too bad. I have some killer photo’s from years past. What a blast.
When we were kids, I got hauled off to the police station for egging cars around Halloween. Was in my mother’s banana yellow, 4 door, Catalina. A fucking boat..and I’m out heavin’ eggs in it. Who wouldn’t notice? I ended up doing 40 hours of community service for that little stunt. Good times.
This is the first time in a week or so that I’ve been able to see the surf report from work! missed you guys.
I check the link every day (pouty lip) but hit the jackpot today!! YAY! Thanks for setting the shit right with Google, Jeff. My page still looks a little wonky, tho. I hit the refresh button and got the “malicious website” warning page. then after a few more tries from my bookmark link got back to the wonky page and was able to read the comments (obviously). holding my breath that when I hit the ’submit comment’ button, it all goes as planned.
A maliciious website it truly is.
Alice, please explain “wonky” page.
On IPOD right now- “Coconut”- Harry Nilsson
Welcome back Knucklehead!
Pagan-I bought Bulleit bourbon because of the cool bottle! $20 and it has a cork, can’t beat that for fun.
Now playing on lala.popup.com Coconut-Harry Nilsson
Pagan, that’s funny you mention Bulleit Bourbon. Love that stuff. I used to work with Tom Bulleit, the founder of the company when he was practicing law. He gave me a whole case of the stuff one year and me and a buddy ended up taking a couple bottles fishing with us one day. Didn’t catch anything but a MAJOR buzz and that was just fine with us.
That seals it, off to buy a new bottle of Bulleit tonite!
Oh Yeah, Halloween:
Handed out candy to a small contingent of trick-or-treaters. Not nearly as many as I would have expected this year; maybe lots of folks were worried about or suffering from swine flu (?)
Then my lil’ punk rock combo played a party. Drank beer, wine, mead, brown and white liquor. What a surprise, I woke up with a championship-level hangover on Sunday.
Let’s see – the Things are 14 and 12.5 now, taller than me OR Biff and far too sophisticated for childish shenanigans, so there was no ToT-ing this year on North Main Street (Wake Forest on Halloween is insane, so it was kind of too bad). Therefore, for the second year inna row, we hosted a party. I counted about 50 people at its height. Plenty of food and liquor, bonfire, bounce house, music – - didn’t suck at all. Best part? I didn’t have to do anything but pour myself into bed once everyone left. now THAT’S the way to combat humbuggery!
Bill in WV — Good, then you know EXACTLY how to pronounce the name. Us serious rednecks down here in GA can’t decide if its “bullet” or “bull-a” or something altogether different. Settle, please, so I won’t be embarrassed asking for it in my local beverage store.
@Lee Harvey Ramone
Did you play any (old school) Misfits stuff for Halloween? We did a couple — Halloween house party tradition. I stayed away from the homebrew at the party we played and stuck to cheap canned beer; apparently I made the right choice judging by the ill effects on my friends the next day.
T-Farty
Actually I always pay. In fact even though I haven’t worked in town in 2 years I still average about $13.50 there a day (Shots get expensive).
No the shitstack in question is an unemployed tranny wannabe who complained to the bleeding heart owner (shedding bitch tears) that I was mean to him. I got barred because the owner who is at least 50 got bullied when he was 6 and he doesn’t like mean people. I got bullied to, suck it up.
Making fun of someone because they don’t have a job and everyone at the bar knows they are a mooch isn’t mean. It’s what you get. I understand being unemployed, but when I am I’m constantly looking for a job. This shitstack had a sweet job at an Amazon.com wherehouse, broke his pinky, and hasn’t been back to work since (2 years?).
And I doubt there are brake lines to be cut.
In the interest of full disclosure, I did get myself barred in September of ‘08 and had to have a looong talk with the owner. But that night I was wasted and everytime a redhead would walk in the bar I’d ask if the carpet matched the curtains.
The highlight was when I walked up to a girl and asked if I could buy a red headed slut for the red headed slut. Yeah, I deserved getting kicked out for that one.
Good times.
Oh and maybe we should all look at this. Sigh.
http://www.boston.com/news/health/Gallery/090409_internet_addiction/
@Pagan, the Lagavulin is “only” $95 here, still pricey. It was a birfday gift a few months ago. Normally I’d be hitting the much-more-affordable Isle of Jura or some such.
@t-storm, I’d love to find a bar near me where the phrase “every time a redhead would walk in” is even remotely applicable. Not that I’m complaining about being near a college campus.
t-storm,
Thanks for clearing that up. Oops. Hang on,
t-storm,
Thanks for clearing that up. I was outraged. Kicking you otta a bar? The nerve of some people! Redheads are a valid thing to get in trouble over: “RED ON THE HEAD, FIRE IN THE HOLE!” I think it’s true.
This has nothing to do with anything, but ya’ll got to check this out.
http://www.ilovelocalcommercials.com/
Rat Bastard…. What band do you play in? Do you play in any local bars in the ‘Burg? If you do, I’ll have to come introduce myself to as a fellow surfer!
@bikerchick — I admit to nothing!
Seriously though, we do play in local bars. Drop a line: ratbastardpgh [at] gmail [dot] com and I’ll let you know when we’re playing again. December is probably the earliest.
Rat bastard there are other Yinzers here too. JCIII myself and Gretchen I don’t think is to far either. Let us all know here I doubt Jeff would mind?
I’m w/ Son of Sam. The Western PA chapter of Surf Reporters should coordinate a get together.
by the way SoS, I’m ready for drinking when you are.
Halloween’s over people! Move along now! Move along!
@ Son of Sam, JCIII & bikerchick
I’ll let you guys know here in the comments when the next gig is if Jeff is OK with it. Been playing out since ‘96 in the city, but we just had a lineup change so we’ve been on a bit of a hiatus. Hope you like punkrock’n'roll played loud and drunkenly. We all should get together for a beer; I live in the Southside and there’s no shortage of bars in my neck of the woods. My email address is up there in that last post.
We had a contest where I worked. One year I took 2 car chamois and some staples and made a loincloth then I used body paint to make myself brown. I spraypainted my hair and goatee black and punked it out with hairspray and used a drill to make holes in chicken drummies. It was the the necklace of the fingers of my enemies. I also had a coupla coconuts with frizzy hair on them that were supposed to be shrunken heads, To my dismay all the people in a coupla departments voted for a woman with a lame-ass witch costume and I came in 2nd.
@Rat Bastard
No Misfits (yet), but we will eventually get around to covering something by them I reckon.
Mark Eichholz,
I was hoping you were going to say that you used the fuzzy coconuts to make a bra. Youda prolly won if you’d done that. People love coconut tits. I’m trying to bring them back into fashion. That and merkins.
…or fuzzy coconut balls protruding from the loincloth. Now that would have gotten some attention.
I don’t know about you, but I’m proud to be a merkin!
Rat Bastard I saw Steve Forbert at Club Cafe a while back. Small venue it was great. The louder and drunker the better. I think I speak for JCII when I say that as well.
JCII drop me an e-mail and we’ll have a few after work.
Rat Bastard: You live in Sousside! Cool! I would definately come see your band. We went to the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern this past year. Can’t remember when but I know we drove cuz it was too cold to ride. There was a punkrock-n-roll band playing. Loved it.
The Yinzer chapter of Surf Reporters are ready to get our drink on!!
Merkin is one of the best words in the English language! It was the only reason I would listen to our last president speak. He used it quite often as I recall.
~ bikerchick
This is starting to sound like a plan.
Somehow we need to find out how many Surf Reporters reside within a 50 mile radius of the Burgh.
I can think of you, me, Son of Sam, Gretchen, obviously Rat Bastard. Susan in NWPA.
speaking of Yinzer Surf Reporters, I wonder what ever happened to Dorothy? She lived in the North Hills.
I’m wearing a merkin right now. I hung it around my neck with fishing line because I can’t grow hair on my chest.
I used to grow out my underarm hair and comb it over like bald guys do, but a stiff wind or a jump in the pool would make everything come undone. Very humiliating.
I also tried that GLH stuff. You know that “hair spray” that Ron Whatshisfuck used to sell on TV? I found a can of blonde at Walgreen’s and jumped right in. The problem with spraying hair on your chest is that it’s hard to know when to quit. I decided to go with a triangle that stretched from nipple to nipple. I painted up and stood in front of the mirror from about 10 feet. It looked like a muff, like I should have had a nice vagina right about where my belly button was.
Holy shit n’at! Imagine that little reunion…ha! All sitting around a table talking about Jeff’s aversion to fast food pickles & pooping in the work place!
If anyone else is a “Yinzer”…come on…speak up…don’t be shy.. You’s know who you are..
bikerchick, JCIII, Rat Bastard, Son of Sam – The Nort Cacalacky Chapter Surf Reporters all met at Tiff-O-Ween. Well, all of us except some asshole who ended up going to the damn “This Is It” movie. Rumor has it that the certain person has to wear a neon-green thigh-high fishnet and matching feathered boa to next years party or reliquish his four free tickets to the Oktoberfest.
jason… i just shave my head. it’s the easiest way to hide the baldness…
any black guys wanna make me a merkin? i want an afro…
Speaking of Yinzers… I tried watching Three Rivers but was appalled by the lack of realism. Not a single Yinzer in the first episode. I gave up after that.
Where the fuck is Jeff today? I’m having one BITCH of a day and I need an update, dammit!
grumble grumble happy fucking Thursday, Surfers grumble grumble grumble
fattie20xl – No. No way Jose!!!
Yes, the WVSR Appalachia Chapter (I consider it Appalachia, anyway)…keep me posted. Have a good evening everyone — tomorrow is Friday and I’m off to get some cold beers. Yinz should do the same.
Sorry to chime in late to the Yinzer party. I think I said it here before but I’m in the North Hills. Western PA Surf Reporters, representin’!