A Full Schedule, Federal Prison, and Pie
We’re going to be running wide-open for the rest of the year. Wide-open!
On Friday my parents will be here for a quick visit, before their winter migration to Florida. And that always sends shockwaves through the compound — because my Mom and Dad are, perhaps, the neatest people who’ve ever lived.
Seriously. Their house is like a museum; nothing is out of place, ever. And ours? Well, we don’t live in squalor or anything, but “neat” is not a word that jumps immediately to mind. You can insert the standard excuses for that fact here, if you like. Frankly, I don’t have the energy for it.
So, we spent the weekend deep-cleaning our house, and getting it ready for visitors. No fun. My responsibilities included dusting and vacuuming every dustable and vacuumable surface. I also moved furniture around, and unearthed some amazing things.
I actually spoke this sentence on Saturday: “Why is there a bag full of bags under our living room couch?” What in the star spangled hell?
We were going to go to New York City on Friday, but we’ve postponed it. It was a questionable idea from the start, and neither of us felt completely comfortable with it.
We were going to take the commuter bus after our kids went to school that day, and my parents would arrive around 4:30. Theoretically. So, the boys would be alone for two hours or so, after school. Not a big deal.
But what if something happened? What if my folks got stuck in traffic somewhere, or had car trouble? Plus, if one of the kids got hurt at school, or needed us for some reason, it would take us HOURS to get there.
And, of course, there’s the part about blowing two or three hundred bucks a few weeks before Christmas… When we stopped to think about it, we said, “What the hell, man?? What kind of retard-o-rama are we cooking-up here?”
Therefore, New York is out the window for the time being.
However, I am taking a week’s worth of vacation in early December, to finish(!) my “book.” Just four days off will translate into ten days away from the office, and that’s when this drawn-out project will finally be completed. Even if it kills me, goddammit.
Immediately afterward, Sunshine and Mumbles are scheduled to arrive for one of their marathon visits. And that’s where the real fun will begin. Between our house and Nancy’s, S&M are supposed to be here for something like a month. A month!
And everyone will be converging at our place for Christmas: Sunshine, Mumbles, Nancy, Nostrildamus, the translucents, and their bloodletting dog. I sincerely hope you’re subscribed to the mailing list. ‘Cause I can sense a few secret updates in the near future.
So yeah, the rest of the year is going to be interesting. Starting on Friday, when my Mom and Dad roll into town. That’ll be the kick-off, boyee.
Grrr… Our phone hasn’t stopped ringing today, and I really need to go to work. I apologize for the brevity of this one (did I really just type the word brevity?). But I’ll try to make up for it tomorrow.
I do have two Questions for ya…
I was making a call on my cell phone yesterday, while driving, and drifted far to the right. I didn’t hit anything, didn’t even come close, but it shook me up a little. If something had been there, it could’ve been bad. I could’ve ended up in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.
And that’s the first question: what action on your part will most likely get you locked-up? I’ve always believed we’re all one snap-decision, or stupid mistake, away from jail. What’s it gonna be for you?
Also, we’re planning to buy a couple of pies for my parents’ visit this weekend, from Perkins. What’s your favorite kind of pie, and least favorite? Tell us about it in the comments.
My fave: lemon meringue. Least fave: pecan.
And I need to get my big ass out of here.
See ya tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
ME FIRST!!
Holy crap on a cracker.
Is this thing turned on?
Peach/Coconut Cream
Cherry pie – Love it
Meringue pies – Hate ‘em
I was just wondering when the gang was going to descend upon you again. Sure, I know it’s a pain for you, but just think of all the joy it brings to us Surf Reporters!
Pie? I love pie. Love it. In an almost unnatural fashion. I’ll take any kind of fruit pie over any kind of other pie. Choosing just one? Blueberry. Mmmm . . . blueberry.
I’m guessing an assault and battery that might go too far would be what eventually sends me away for good. Or possibly an extreme destruction of private property.
Pecan pie is awesome to me. I am the weird fucker that does not like pumpkin pie…or apple… or blueberry. Yeah, I’m a joy to have over for Thanksgiving.
On IPOD right now- “Down In It”- Nine Inch Nails
All pies (except mincemeat) pies are my favs!!!
I got thrown in jail about 2 years ago for smoking in the stands at Lambeau field- it also cost me $1200.00!!
( ! ) is the emoticon for a butthole.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
There’s a story going around the internets about the guy who dropped his cell phone while driving a million dollar Bugatti Veyron, goes off the road into a lake.
I would post the clip, but due to the recent spam attack on this site, I’ll forgo providing any link. If you’re interested, you can find it at izismile.com
Not a huge sweets person, but I will go with cherry pie or blueberry. Not that I’ve ever tried it, but I’d have to say rhubarb pie has to be pretty nasty. Anyone ever have it?
The one thing that could send me to the stripey hole? Probably have a cuppa two tree more beers in my belly than I should while on the drive home.*knocking wood for the rest of the day*
Meh – if I haven’t been arrested by this point in my life, it ain’t gonna happen.
Coconut Cream Pie – YUM
Mincemeat Pie – dry heave
Happy Monday, Surfers!
Coconut Cream #1
Mince Meat #10,000,000,000,000,000,000
Someday, I’ll get busted for running a pirate radio station. As soon as someone cares enough to find it, report it and the wheels of justice start slowly creaking at the friendly candy company. Until then, it all music some of the time. I actually caught myself playing The Kooks the other night.
Pie. Mmmmmm. I made a two-crust apple pie a few weeks ago that was so damned pretty I took a picture. Favorites: Cherry, Apple, of course, Peach–duh, and Coconut Custard (not meringue.) For Thanksgiving, I’ll bake a Coconut for my Dad, Pecan for my husband, Pumpkin for my niece’s boyfriend and Cheesecake for the rest of us. Mmmmm. Pie. Maybe I’d better start practicing this week.
Favorite non-fruit pie = peanut butter
Favorite fruit pie = apple
Least favorite pie = raisin
My favorites are the pies common in the Deep South, especially Sweet Potato and Pecan Pie.
I never have had a Penn Dutch ShooFly Pie that was very satisfying. I don’t understand that variety.
Fruit pies (i.e. ones containing rhubarb) can be really good if the fruit is fresh and the slice is paired with some vanilla ice cream.
If I ever go to jail, it’ll probably be due to mis-use of government computer equipment. And it’ll be all Jeff’s fault. Thanks, Jeff…
Liking this post for its use of “federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison”
One of these days I’ll go down for assault. It’s not if, it’s when.
Pie: I generally like all pies but my favorite is pecan. Least favorite is raisin pie. For the record I loath ALL cooked food containing raisins.
I’m sure one of these days I’m going to go to jail for murder….by noxious fart. Because dang – you get older, those things start to pack a wallop!
Fave pie – mincemeat
Hate pie – boston cream
I’m not a fan of pies, but if I have to eat one, apple’s the only one that will do
You were going to acually GO to New York. WTF. Haven’t you been there already.
I’ve been three times. Once a decade.
I suppose I might go one more time but I can’t imagine why. Too many people. Too much to see and I haven’t seen everything here yet.
Went to Los Vegas last week. Stayed foir 3 days. Same thing only slot machines. Ugh the noise they make. Fun for a while but I had to come back to work just to get some rest.
I don’t even want to think about going to jail. Been there a couple of times too. But not this decade. Hope I didn’t jinx myself.
I’ll take pecan pie – even The Three Stooges way.
Favorite pie: Peach
Least favorite: Pecan… maybe it’s just the few I’ve tried, but pecan pie seems like a single layer of pecans on top of a pure sugar syrup. GROSS.
21!!
Hate pecan. . .it’s only sugar!!
Love apple pie a la mode.
Land in jail, I don’t do much but what will land me in the hospital is pulling out in front of “Left Turn On Arrow” people. You know the light is RED! Why do you insist on running that red light. I will pull out slowly and scare the crap out of them but I’m going to get hit one day.
Assault or Vehicular Homicide.
Lemon pie & blueberry pie-good.
Pumpkin and other gourds-bad.
I am not a big on sweets, I prefer salt and lots of it. But I do like pies. My fave is my mothers apple pie recipe. Simple and absolutely sinful. Peach pie is a close second. My lease favorite would be a tie between coconut creme or lemon merangue (sp?)….blecch.
I am a very aggressive driver. I don’t put up with stupidity on the road, Sunday drivers, or road hogs that stay in the fast lane until you try to pass them then they all of a sudden speed up. Makes me nuts.
Good Pie: Boston Cream, Coconut Cream, Blueberry, Cherry
Bad Pie: Pumpkin, Sweet Tater
“Meh” Pie: Apple, Pecan
I live in almost daily (nightly) fear of a DUI.
With my luck I will blow a 0.09 after a couple glasses of wine or 2-3 beers, heading home from “happy” hour. The irony.
Raisin pie???! Is there really such a thing? Why would someone ruin a pie like that?
best pie ever: Caramel Apple.
i’ll probably go to jail for pirating movies at work.
Favorite is cholate pie. Take a jello chocolate pudding mix add milk add 1/2 a tub of Cool whip, pour it into a chocolate or graham cracker crust and enjoy. It’s kind messy but it’s delicious. Least favorite is pecan.
I love pecan pie…ohh, baby…where’s the ice cream… Mincemeat on the other hand, is EVIL!!
Jeff-
You need to try pecan pie the way God intended….with Bourbon-laced whipped cream.
Pie often leads to heavier drugs
Steak and Kidney pie,steak and mushroom pie, Sheperds Pie, Pork pie, Tourtiere! screw dessert I’m too full ;D
Exercising my first amendment rights after the Chinese have taken over is what will get my ass thrown in jail!!
Lemon meringue is your favorite pie? Seriously? And your least favorite is pecan? Really?!
You’ve been “up north” too long.
While I do enjoy a nice pecan pie, I guess my all time favorite would be Key Lime pie. Made with fresh key limes…from Key West, FL. Now, THAT’S a pie.
What action would most likely get me locked up?
Absolutely nothing. I am law abiding to a fault.
~wink-wink~
French silk. One night at perkins in cincy me and my friend ate an entire pie.
Love pecan pie…mmm…mmm…mmm
Can’t even stand to smell mince pie…what the hell is minced meat anyway? I’m even afraid to google it.
I was behind a guy at the bank so long I was sure he was trying to get a home loan at the drive-thru. So it will be some kind of road rage/assault at the check-out line that lands me in PMITA prison. C’mon, Dickhead…I got a life to lead!!1 Fuck!
Favorite pie – pie.
Least favorite pie – no such thing.
Never tried mincemeat though…
Do they have pie in prison?? That might just be the worst, no matter what kind it is. Prison food pie!
It took me forever to finally start liking apple pie. Pumpkin pie is my fave! Blackberry pie with vanilla ice cream is hard to beat, too. But, as was mentioned several times, mincemeat pie is the worst one I’ve tried. Pecan pie…too sweet.
I’ve been to jail about 5 times, due to stupid traffic stuff. I had refused to quit driving on a suspended license, Once your in the cycle, it’s hard to break away. But, I hate to say it: the thing that would land me in the “Pen” would probably be doing the naughty with underage girls. There’s some real cute (and horny) ones out there!
Steak & Gravy, Scotch Pie (these do vary from butchers to butchers though), Steak & Ale pie, Pork pie.
The scots have taken the savoury pie to a whole new level of gastronomic delight.
There are those who have been weaned off of heroin using steak & gravy pies, only to end up with a more fattening habit!
Grevious Bodily Harm/ Manslaughter
What could land me in jail? Probably the thoughts that go through my head when dealing with the government.
I kinda hate pie because I don’t like the crust. If I just ate some filling, it would be pumpkin.
Whoever still makes mincemeat or raisin pie (I’ve relayed a story before about how my sister threw that up all over the bed) belongs in jail.
Chuck – I agree, I am afraid to google mincemeat also.
I will have to say French silk chocolate pie is my favorite. My least favorite would be Blueberry.
I am terrified of going to jail. If I did get in trouble it would be for speeding.
I do like a good lemon curd, could take or leave the meringue topping. Least favorite, definitely pecan: I used to have a co-worker who would heat up pecan pie in the microwave, and it smelled EXACTLY like a home perm. Gaak.
What will land me in The Joint will be driving-related. I have one of the major warning signs of old-fartitude: I don’t know how fast my car will go. One day I might decide to find out. That would be no good.
I can’t resist a slice of peanut butter pie. mmmmm mmmmm
I wouldn’t want to pass on chocolate pecan pie, either. heat that mother up and throw on some nilla ice cream and we got a party. yeah.
I was thinking about going whaling in Oklahoma. That’ll probably get me arrested.
Fav: hair pie
Least fav: all the others
Jail? Definitely when I get pissed enough to shoot somebody and I think I am getting close.
Good to see google links you to thewvsr again. I typed it in really slow so I could see if google would suggest it, and when I got to thewv it had thewvsr in the pop-down window!
Also, I have the exact opposite pie choices. Pecan pie is delicious and lemon meringue is pretty gross.
Road Rage
Apple Pie
Fave pie is Lemon Meringue. I can’t stand anything with ‘Cream’ in the title (Banana Cream, Chocolate Cream, etc.) Don’t know why, just sets me off.
But I can’t think of pie right now. Nothing sounds good. Why, you might ask? Well, I have just been diagnosed with the motherfuckin’ Swine Flu. Yup, I can join the pig crowd cuz I got it.
Now my job is treating me like a parasite (heh) & won’t let me back to work till the County Board clears it. Who knows when that will be. I have one week of sick time (will have to use it because I was written out for the week), one week of Comp Time & 2 weeks vacation. I certainly don’t want to blow through all that shit for this, but who knows when I’ll be let back? So, for now, I am comforted that they can’t fire me, I can bask in fat pants and feel lousy here at home having everyone cater to me. It ain’t that bad, after all….
Even saying what would get me arrested would get me arrested. I’m not violent but these days I could be turned.
Pumpkin pie is my all time favorite. My Mom and Dad owned a bakery in Huntington, WV in the early 70′s. My brother and I got paid sometimes up to 2 bucks per week to clean things and help out. I appointed myself the official taster of things with sugar and was very good at it.
Jeff –
The guy in this video (Andy Schmidt) is a very good friend of mine from my days at WVU. He is from Dunbar and is a sergeant in the Air Force. He put this video on YouTube back in 2005 when he returned from a tour of Afghanistan, but it was picked up last week on Veteran’s Day by Mental Floss and now has over a half million hits. He was interviewed on The Today Show last Sunday morning and was on Jay Leno last night.
Anyway … I thought you might like to see it considering your interest in all things Dunbar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysKAVyXi0J4
Hmmm, I like a lot of pie. Fave may be coconut cream, but I am a fan of the fruit pies as well. TILLY’s mom makes an awesome sugar cream pie. Not too crazy about pumpkin and I have never had mincemeat, raisin or banana cream pie because I don’t think I would care too much for those.
Tiff- do you really count Boston Cream Pie as a pie? If so, that also goes on my don’t care for list, but it is one of my husband’s faves. No accounting for some people’s taste I suppose.
The thing that would be the most likely to send me to prison would be a tri-state killing spree, except I fully intend to go down in a hail of gunfire.
Melissa,
At this point you might think best part of Swinethrax is the never ending chills and body ache, but wait until the end when you experience the racking cough for two weeks. Enjoy!
On a serious note if you experience ANY breathing problems get to the hospital immediately: Up here we had an otherwise healthy 13 year old kid die in less than 12 hours after he began to experience swine flu associated breathing problems.
Thanks to sweet sainted mother of google-Your hacking issues are over for sure because for weeks now work had The WVSR blocked as “malicious”. Lookie now, I’m on, I’m on! HORRAY!
Anyway-Best pie: Coconut Worst: Anything with Merengue! Yech!
Fav: pumpkin or cherry
Least fav: meringue anything
Can you still go to jail for sodomy or do they just line you up for the gallows?
Favorite pie: rhubarb
Least favorite: pecan
Get well soon, Melissa!
My prison stint will be because I’ll end up shooting some asshole in a road rage incident. It’s not self defense if they’re running AWAY from you, Mr. Hartig….
Feel better, Melissa!
As a frequent fyer, my prison sentence will be as a result of Airport Rage from encountering one too many CELL PHONE CALL BROADCASTERS at the departure gate area. Now *I* think the assault would be justifiable, but I don’t think law enforcement would agree…
Pie me with Chocolate Cream, thank you.
Favorite pie-Pumpkin and Sweet Potato.
Least favorite- Pecan
Thing that will finally land me in Federal Prison? Killing my boss. Fucking hag!
Your fave is my least fave and Pecan is my fave!!
Premeditated homicide will get me in the slammer. It’s a very good thing I don’t own a gun or mr. kenju would already be dead.
hey manda. bookmark thewvsr.com and you will no longer be google’s bitch