During my life I’ve managed to vomit in many interesting places, including (but not limited to) a prom, a high school classroom, a comedy club, a carnival, and a wedding. And two of those, I think it’s important to note, had nothing to do with alcohol.
But only once, during my illustrious puking career, can I recall throwing up inside a car. I find this to be fairly remarkable, since I’ve surely logged more than a million miles of drinking beer inside moving vehicles. You’d think I’d be able to come up with a Top Ten list. But it just ain’t the case.
The sad thing? I was a full-blown adult when it happened; I was no dumbass teenager. I was living in Atlanta, with a wife and a mortgage. I was probably 30 or 31 years old.
We used to go “out to dinner” with another couple during those days, and would always end up at some bar, drinking to massive excess. Well, Toney has never been a big drinker… But she’d have a few, and the rest of us would have many more than a few.
One time (not the night of the car puking) the other couple called us, after eight o’clock at night, and said they’d rented a suite at the Hotel Nikko. One of them had been promoted at work, and they were celebrating. They invited us to join them at that fancy-ass place, for a few drinks.
They were drunk when we arrived, and the guy had somehow charmed the hotel staff into sneaking in free booze. He was always talking to people, and getting them to do his bidding. He was the type who could go into a bar, meet some unknown couple, and end up staying at their vacation home in Switzerland for a week. When you started drinking with him, you literally couldn’t predict what might happen.
During that Hotel Nikko extravaganza, we had expensive champagne, all sorts of top-shelf liquors, and many, many beers. All compliments of junior staff members, who, for some reason, felt compelled to keep sneaking it in to us… It was a crazy, unforgettable evening. Like something out of a rap video.
There was some puking, too. But not by me or Toney. When that started, we excused ourselves and Toney drove us home. Once someone goes humpback over a toilet… it’s time to go. I think that’s in the New Testament.
On the night of the car-puking, the four of us had gone “out to dinner,” and ended up at the original Vortex bar, in midtown. It was winter, and very cold outside. We were drinking way too much, as usual, and ended up playing Monopoly with a homeless man.
For the novelty of it, I guess, we’d waved in some street person, and started buying him beers. And eventually someone broke out a board game. It’s all very fuzzy in my memory…
And on the drive home history was made. I rolled down the window, and let loose of my stomach contents (90% Rolling Rock, 10% pizza for coloring). And once I got going, I had a hard time powering down the vomit pump. Toney was driving, and hollering in protest. And it seemed like it went on for a long, long time.
When we got home, I stumbled into the house and went to the bathroom. And when I looked in the mirror I had a Phantom of the Opera mask of upchuck on the right side of my face. It had hardened like the Dairy Queen chocolate sauce they dip cones in. Well, actually, it was more like the butterscotch variety…
After I got myself reasonably cleaned up, I noticed Toney never came in. So, I went back outside and she had a hose out and was washing our car. At 2 a.m. The whole back door and rear quarter panel was covered in vomit, on the passenger side.
For some reason, she wasn’t very happy with me. This happened about twenty years ago, and she still brings it up from time to time.
And that’s the extent of my experience with throwing up in cars. What about you? Do you have any tales to tell on this subject? If so, please use the comments link below.
If you have no car-puke stories, then just tell us about the most unusual places you’ve vomited. It doesn’t have to be booze-related, remember.
And I hope you guys have a great holiday.
I’ll try to update again on Saturday or Sunday. I have a couple of new Nancy stories to report, so we’ll do that next time.
See ya soon!