When I was in grade school, one of our second grade teachers — a very old woman named Young — slipped on a raisin and exploded her pelvis, or somesuch. One of her students was eating them for break, and apparently hadn’t mastered the art of successfully moving food from a box to his mouth, and she slipped on his run-off.
It was a bad injury, as I recall, causing her to be out for the rest of the year. As a result, raisins were BANNED at Dunbar Elementary — probably still are. Nobody was allowed to bring those li’l widow-makers across the threshold anymore, which was no skin off my scrote. Raisins are disgusting globs of stuck-together weirdness.
An old man I used to work with at one of my previous jobs got tangled up in a vacuum cleaner cord at home, and fell down his basement steps. Dead. I liked the guy, and was shocked at this news when I first heard it, but couldn’t stop laughing about how it happened. Is that wrong?
I’ve said, many times, that I don’t want to go out as a FARK link. But I wouldn’t mind providing one final laugh, before exiting stage left. Ya know? I think that guy might’ve pulled off a nearly-perfect death. Or am I way off on it? What are your thoughts?
At the Dunbar Bowling Alley, a hundred years ago, one of the workers reportedly stepped on a package of frozen wieners, and went fully-inverted. I guess she broke her skeleton in several places, and once again… I couldn’t stop laughing. That’s some funny shit: stepping on a pack of frozen wieners.
And one time I fell on the ice outside the Junior High. A million kids were out there, and they all started in with the laughter and mockery, as required by the Middle School Prick code. It infuriated me, and I bounced back to my feet and gave everyone the finger, in a full 180-degree slow-sweep.
Everything went silent, and it’s a wonder I didn’t get my ass kicked. There was a lot of ass-kicking at that school. But it worked out great. Everybody remembered my giant bird-flipping gesture, instead of me falling on my butt. It was perfect.
This is a quickie, my friends. But hopefully you can salvage it for me. In the comments section, please tell us about people you know who fell down in a spectacular or remarkable fashion.
And tomorrow I’ll get back into the swing of things.
Have yourselves a great day!