What are some things that everybody seemingly knows, and you do not? Oh, I can think of several right off the top of my tiny Duke head.
For instance… North, south, east, and west. Yes, I know what they are while looking at a map. But when somebody tells me to go west on 309, or whatever, I have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about. Google Maps does this sometimes while I’m traveling: “Drive east on Woodward Lane.” WTF?? Who am I, Copernicus? I instantly panic, and begin shouting personal insults at the mechanized voice coming from my phone. I could not, right this minute, point to the north. I have no idea, and furthermore… am not all that motivated to learn.
Also, I’m very hit and miss with the month numbers. I’m unclear on what 9/2017 means. I can figure it out fairly quickly, but the name of the month does not instantly pop into my mind. Some of them do, like 5. I’m very good with 5. But when I get to 8, 9, and 10… I’m pretty much lost. I’m not all that great with 6 and 7, either. Toney thinks this is insane, but I just don’t know this stuff. Sheesh. I’m sorry for living.
And I have trouble with affect/effect. Again, I can figure it out, but have to pause ‘n’ ponder. It’s embarrassing, if you want to know the truth. I get all huffy and judgmental when people misuse your/you’re and they’re/there/their. But I have my own similar issues. However… this snarky internet photo has helped me, I think. People have attempted to explain the difference between affect/effect to me through the years, but it never really sunk in. “A fucking action” makes it perfectly clear. And so… A equals Action. Yes! Thank God for the sarcastic assholes of the internet.
In addition… I don’t know how to back a trailer. I’ve tried and humiliated myself repeatedly. And I’m not very good at whistling either. In a pinch I can come up with a weak-ass pussy whistle. But I’ve never been able to unleash a really good one. Not consistently, anyway. This was a problem when I was 11 or 12. Now? Everybody can stick it up their ass with all their whistle judgment.
I’m sure there are dozens of other things I should be able to do, but can’t. Or things most people know, and I don’t. But that’s enough to get things started here. I had a girlfriend who didn’t know her left from her right. She was smart, too. It was just one of those curious blind spots in her knowledge, if you can dig it. I also used to work with a guy who COULD NOT operate a combination lock. People would try to work with him on it, and he’d get all defensive and angry. Like me with that “travel east” bitch.
Do you have anything like that? Anything you’d care to admit to, anyway?
I need to call it a day here. I have to shave, and go to work. I hate shaving, for the record. It takes what feels like 25% too long. Hey, maybe that’s why people have goatees? To bring order to the universe? I’d never thought of that.
Anyway, please use the comments section to confess the blind spots in your knowledge. And I’ll see you folks again on Monday.
Have a great weekend!