This whole month has been one prolonged swim in the Bay of Turds. But I’m thankful they’re letting me work like this. It’s busy, and they tell me I can just show up whenever I want. And that’s how Santa (aka Santy) will be paying for our kids’ Christmas. It’s been rough, but worth it.
And now that it’s almost over… maybe I’ll indulge in an abbreviated three-day bourbon season? It probably won’t happen, but it’s mighty tempting. At the very least, I’m gonna enjoy a few Dogfish Head products.
Someone told me a story a few days ago that made me laugh. He said that when he was 20 or so, he got really drunk with some friends and lost track of a big chunk of time. The next morning he woke up in a strange bed, completely naked. He looked to his left, and saw the back of a blonde woman’s head.
She was sleeping, and he thought, “Holy crap! I must’ve had sex last night, and don’t even remember it. Or who this person is, or anything about her.
Then the woman rolled over, and it was… his mother!
His friends had brought him home, dumped him on the lawn, rang the doorbell, and took off. A few minutes later a couple of them felt guilty, and returned. The guy was covered in puke, so they dragged him to the shower, and cleaned him up. His mother was upset, and convinced he would die in his sleep like Bon Scott, so they put him in her bed.
But the hilarious part was when this “girl” rolled over, with visions of sex dancing in his head, and he saw that it was his mother. Can you imagine the horror? My eyes!!!! Man, that’s good stuff.
The whole nakedness thing is kinda disturbing, though… Pretty weird. All of it makes me laugh, as well as squirm with discomfort. Ya know?
Have you ever woken up, after a night of boozing, not having any idea where you are? Please tell us about it in the comments. One time — a hundred years ago — I woke up in my own bed, but couldn’t find my car later in the day. It wasn’t where I usually parked it, and had no idea what I might have done with it. I was out walking the streets in a mild panic, with a powerful post-drunk liqui-shit brewing in my gut. I have a feeling it was one of those days when I said, “I’ll never drink again!” I’m not proud of any of it.
If you have any good stories along those lines, we’ll need to hear ’em.
A few nights ago, at work (of course), I bought two slices of pizza in the cafeteria. I asked for one slice of sausage, and one slice of vegetable. I refuse to say “veggie,” but that’s the way it was labeled. For the record, I said, “vegetable.”
And when I arrived at my table, I saw that the VEGETABLE pizza had some weird shit on it. Like shredded carrots, and celery. Have you ever seen anything like that? It was disconcerting, but turned out to be pretty good. Especially the celery.
What’s the most unusual pizza topping you’ve encountered? And what was your verdict on it? I don’t like to be overly adventurous when it comes to pizza, it’s too much of a risk. Pizza night is not to be trifled with. But what about you? Any bizarre pizza toppings in your past? Please tell us about it.
And I’ll be back tomorrow, a free man.
See you then!