There’s not a lot going on here. In fact, it’s fairly boring and somewhat depressing. This weather is ridiculous, which doesn’t help. A few night ago it was 55 when I left work (down from almost 70 earlier in the day), and by the time I arrived at the grocery store near our house… it was 43. So, it dropped 12 degrees in about 40 minutes. And by the time I went to bed that night, it was goddamn Ice Station Zebra outside. So, it went from ridiculously warm to ridiculously cold in a very abbreviated amount of time. And it’s been slick and disgusting ever since. Every time I walk to my car there’s a 35% chance I’ll fall and explode my pelvis. I’ve had enough already. This is utter bullshit.
Today I’m engaging in the ultimate sin, and just grabbing something off Facebook and going with it. I find this thing somewhat interesting, so we can make of it what we will. Screw it. I’m getting a late start (NOT my fault, ahem), and am fairly irritated.
So, you’re supposed to give yourself one point for each of the activities above that “you’ve never done.” My score is 14, which feels high. Please share your score in the comments.
Here’s my Never Done list:
Broken a bone Yeah, I can skip this particular life experience, thank you very much. My pelvis, of course, is the most vulnerable. It could potentially turn to dust every time I leave the house.
Been skydiving This will never happen. Because I’m not INSANE.
Had braces I can’t see this happening at this late date, either. Maybe on my legs after the polio kicks in?
Gotten a massage Yeah, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put this in the WILL NEVER HAPPEN category, but it’s highly unlikely. I’d be too self-conscious because of the big pile of quivering white flab I’d bring to the proceedings. Plus, I’d be worried they’d press on me somewhere and I’d let loose a tugboat blast of flatulence.
Gotten a tattoo This will never happen either. I have no interest. I don’t have a problem with tattoos, they’re just not for me. Ya know? I casually considered the Pillsbury Doughboy on my left forearm years ago, but that moment has long-since passed.
Dyed my hair It’s never crossed my mind, even though I’m now gray as a motherfucker.
Given birth Probably not in the cards for me.
Sung karaoke Sung? Is that correct? Seems wrong. In any case, you’ve got to be kidding me, right? I cannot envision a scenario, in this life or the next, in which this might possibly happen.
Gone scuba diving I’ve never done it, but am not opposed. Do they have wetsuits in a husky?
Gone zip lining No. Never. These are the things mental patients do.
Gone skinny dipping Hilarious.
Been in an ambulance Thankfully.
Been on a cruise I’d like to do this someday, just for the experience. Maybe an Alaskan cruise? With a 24-hour nacho bar?
Gotten anything pierced Never going to happen. I’ll just go with the factory-installed holes. They’ve served me well so far.
Now it’s your turn. Use the comments section to weigh in on this ridiculousness. Please tell us your score, and share your thoughts. Are there any items on the list that you’ve done, but hope to never do again? You can put sushi down for me. I tried it several times and didn’t care for it. There was a not a drop of pleasure derived from the exercise. What about you?
I need to call it a day, boys and girls.
Thanks for stopping by! I’ll see you again soon.