If I’d Lived a Buddy Holly-Sized Life
This has been a bad summer, on a number of levels. It’s disgustingly hot and humid every day (every single day without relief), we have no money, and my phone rings all the time, but it’s never the calls I’m waiting for.
Yeah, the summer of 2010 is a real crack-snacker, and I’ll be happy to see it go. But before it’s over, the gods of punishment have one last treat for me. At least I hope it’s the last one…
In a couple of weeks we’re supposed to be receiving visitors, if you know what I mean. Visitors from North Carolina (or is it South Carolina?), for upwards of two weeks. Why so long, you ask? I think I was told, but couldn’t hear because my brain started cutting in and out, and there was a loud whistling sound in my ears. I almost lost consciousness.
I think they’re arriving during the last week of the month, which will put my Beerless July to its biggest test yet. I might have to turn it into the Beerless First Three Weeks of July. Adapt or die, right?
Will somebody please hold me?
My beerless experiment has been surprisingly easy, so far. I haven’t even thought about it much. And I’m reading like I’m entered into some kind of reading contest. I’m ripping through novels like a mama’s boy rips through Cinnabons.
Last night, however, I wanted a cuppa two tree Yuenglings after work. It was an especially suckish week, and I had the urge to crack open a bottle and flop in front of the computer for an hour or so. But I had corn flakes instead, and it wasn’t so bad.
The weird thing? I seem to be missing more update days than normal. Some of it’s been out of my control, but I thought I’d be way more productive this month. However, I feel like some of the recent posts have been better than normal. So, I don’t really know how to measure it.
Speaking of reading, I just picked up this book at Borders. It’s a hardcover, and even with a 33% discount (they’re constantly sending coupons to their mailing list), it cost about seventeen bucks. And that’s a lot, in my opinion. I rarely buy new hardcovers.
But I’ve been told that the author and I share a similar sense of humor. I read his previous book, Home Land, and it was really funny. So, I wanted to get into his latest. And the way I justified it? Seventeen bucks is almost exactly the price of a case of the golden elixir.
I’m very accomplished at the art of justification.
I’m currently in the grip of a powerful Buddy Holly jag. I’m kinda sorta obsessed with Buddy Holly, in case you didn’t know. I think he was bad-ass.
He died when he was only 23, and had already written and recorded some of the greatest songs in rock history. It was a horrible tragedy when his plane went down. ‘Cause his best years were still ahead of him.
I hope there’s some kind of celestial jukebox through which we’ll someday be able to play the many songs Buddy wasn’t able to write during his time on Earf. Ya know?
Anyway, last night I was thinking about what my legacy would’ve been, if I’d lived a Buddy Holly-sized life. He had all his incredible songs, and his status as an international icon, etc. And below I’ve listed what I believe would’ve been my main accomplishments, if I’d died at 23.
· Member of the “20 Club,” which required the drinking of at least 20 (3.2 percent alcohol) cans of beers during the Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving. A very elite group.
· Established a reputation as an above-average rock thrower.
· Could tie a necktie.
· Professional toll collector (retired).
· Drop-out at two universities.
· Had seen the Doobie Bros. in concert twice, possibly three times.
· Had engaged in sexual activities with more than zero women, but less than two.
And that pretty much tells the tale. What would’ve been your legacy if you’d lived a Holly-sized life, and died at 23? Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?
And I’ll see you guys again next time. Possibly tomorrow, but probably Sunday. Stay tuned.
Have a great day, my friends!
Filed under: Daily
Dare I say go First yourself?
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My legacy would be a high ranking on today’s post. Thanks Peggy Sue!
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I thought my first threesome would be with two other girls…
crap
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make that two… not two “other”…. crap
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Dead at 23? Well, it certainly would have saved a lot of time and effort.
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Solved rubik’s cube. Yeah, chew on that homies.
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Hmm, my accomplishments at 23….
Member of the Century club (100 shots of beer in one hour)
University drop-out (only one though)
Sex with more than 2 girls. But not at the same time. Still waiting on that one, but how much action can you get as a balding, overweight 40-ish married guy with kids?
Crashed one motorcycle and walked away with minor injuries
Completely totalled two car and walked away with minor injuries
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I’ll have to think about the question more but….
Top Ten!!!!!
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I’ll have to think about the question more but….
Top Ten!!!!!
WTF? Duplicate comment detected? Am I THAT lame?????
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11th?!
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dogberryjr-Your comment is going to be tough to top!
Visitors? Could be awesome!
I still lived at home, managed to luck into one sexual encounter and was still driving a 1973 4 door Chevy Nova with a straight six. My legacy at that point in my life would have been a handful of friends who remembered how drunk I got at a buddies wedding, climbed on the bar to shoot them the moon and passed out as I pulled my trousers down. I proceeded to crash head first into a stack of coffee cups. My buddies gathered me up and dropped me off at my parents house. Oh what a full life lived.
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* Won the Fork-Lift Rodeo
* Lead guitar in an all-white soul band
* Could fry 28 chickens at one time
* Paid to see Black Oak Arkansas
* Once told Ghandi to grow a pair
* Shot a man in Reno (OH) just to watch him flinch
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Never got caught jacking off
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*Flipped a car with a sunroof into a irrigation ditch and walked away with nothing but sore muscles.
*Learned to play guitar when I was 10, favorite song to play, Dear Prudence by the Beatles.
*Can fingerpick a guitar like a sonofabitch.
*Wore a green wool hat to school everyday in 7th grade because ‘Mike Nesmith from the Monkees wore one’
*Started drinking Busch Light in cans when I was 17 because I chose too.
*Dropped out of community college because it was just like highschool.
*Survived an extremely abusive relationship with an extremely pathetic loser.
*Met the Beatles first producer when I was 16.
*Traveled across country
*Been to 4 music festivals, and 26 concerts.
*Had 5 cars in 7 years.
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By 23 I had:
* PC version = had engaged in several “relationships”
* was married (still am, same guy)
* Had one child (then)
* Had steady employment
* Wrecked several motorcycles/3 wheelers, no cars
* Could drink like a fish w/o passing out, throwing up,
or having a hangover
Nothing too exciting.
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more later, but i had probably fucked myself approximately 30,000 times.
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Oh yeah, and Milt Pappas (if anyone even knows who that is) introduced me to his dogs once and I ran errands for him one day. It was weird.
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Got yanked onstage at a male stripper’s club.
Met Keith Richards
Quit my job at McDonalds and got a pretty swanky job at a Midtown Manhattan law firm
Bought an overpriced piece of shit stereo at Macy’s because it was the only credit card I had,
Broke up with a controlling guy and felt great
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Brittney-Milt Pappas, is he a singer? Mommas and the Pappas?
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i don’t really remember 23.
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dropped out of 2 high schools
owned a sports car
had had sex with more men that i care to admit
went to rehab
drank a ton
had a child
got a GED
went backstage with megadeath(reffer to number3)
tackled my fear of public speaking
had more hair colors than i care to admit
lived in about 20 houses
survived a suicide attempt
lived on a farm
lived in the city
saw pink floyd
saw U2
not in that order.
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Wow, WB. Good catch. I didn’t think anyone remembered them. Betsy Mammas and Milt Pappas made some incredible music back in the 60′s.
And if I remember correctly, you could hear one of Milt’s dogs in the background on one of their songs. I think the song was named “Seamus”, after the dog.
Of course, I doubt that old Seamus was still around when Brittney met Milt’s dogs.
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@ WB, nope, baseball player…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milt_Pappas
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YES!!! USA! USA! USA!
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Damn!!
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Musta been a different Milt Pappas….
Never mind.
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I’m just pulling your chain Brittney. It’s the only way I know how to be funny. The Reds traded Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, everybody in a 200 mile radius of Cincinnati knows who Milt Pappas is.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN3GbF9Bx6E
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Legacy at 23:
Traveled to 9 different countries, not including military deployments.
Bachelors degree.
Fought a war in two countries. I actually turned 20 in a mud hut in Afghanistan.
Spoke 3 languages, I only speak one now.
Recorded three full length music albums no one has ever heard of.
Been to more rock concerts than years alive.
Had more than 0 sexual encounters.
Had more than 3 sexual encounter with women from countries in 3 European nations.
Probably one the youngest ever to develop carpal tunnel syndrome not from peeling the potato.
Sat behind the dugout and saw the Cubs win a game in Wrigley when the ivy was green
Man, its been pretty down in the past 4 years.
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Attended Indiana University.
Worked as backstage engineer with Earth, Wind and Fire, Roadmaster, Ray Parker Jr and Raydio, George Benson, Dave Mason and Bootsy’s Rubber Band.
Fired from Taco Bell, Sears and Blocks Department Store.
Smoked more cannabis than a Jamaican. Had my first trip on acid.
Purchased my first stereo system, several guitars, and amps.
Bought a second hand 22 and the threw it away after I almost got arrested when the cops pulled me and a preacher friend over because we fit the description of some bank robbers. Luckily when the officer patted me down, he did not check my eh hmmm “package” or he would have found that the bulge in front of my pants was not all me. Good thing the safety was on too!
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@dto: Not getting caught means you don’t do it dangerous enough.
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Oh my, oh my, oh my. I must plead the 5th on things (people) I did before 23. Good Lawd, I hate to even think about it!
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loved that Mommas and Pappas video. what a great song!
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I like it when you call me Milt Pappas!
Raise the roof.
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I live 1,943 miles from Cincinnati and I not only know who Milt Pappas is, I have his 1959 and 1961 Topps Orioles cards.
I’ve handled those cards more than hot fuzz has handled the two other girls.
And the fact that Mr. Pappas died at 23 adds a sobering note to this entire discussion. I guess it’s the day the music and the fastball died.
I’m late? You’ve moved on? I guess I need to reexamine my schedule. Or my prostate. Too much self-copulation.
jtb
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So much for Mr. Pappas. But who is this Frank Robinson of whom you speak?
jtb
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Alright, 23 huh?
Graduated college
Flipped a van on I-270 in Columbus
“been” with approx 10 gals
lived in Marietta, OH, Atlanta, and Cincinnati
fired from one job
had flown to venezuela for 1 day
kicked out of one apartment
been mugged
had to breath through a hole in my neck
sent 2 people to prison
been to kinnickinnick and knockemstiff twice
deportation-Fu, First Class-Fu, Statutory-Fu
All in all, 5 stars
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My impression of several of the “things I had done at 23″ comments…
I’ve wrestled with alligators,
I’ve tussled with a whale.
I done handcuffed lightning
And throw thunder in jail.
You know I’m bad.
just last week, I murdered a rock,
Injured a stone, Hospitalized a brick.
I’m so mean, I make medicine sick.
.
With thanks to my friend Muhammad Ali who I beat in training camp when I was 22.
jtb
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JTB, if I’m not mistaken, Frank Robinson was aka “Smokey”, and he led a group named “The Miracles” back in the 60′s. Quite the sentimental fellow, he had hits that included “Tracks of My Tears”, “Tears of a Clown”, and “I Second That Emotion”. As for a connection to baseball? Smokey’s rendition of the National Anthem before Game 5 of the 1986 World Series at Fenway Park is generally considered one of the greatest renditions of the Anthem at a sporting event ever. But, alas, he couldn’t hit the curve ball.
He made it past the age of 23, but is scheduled to pass in 2023.
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I think Tilly wins the 23 accomplishment contest because she lived on a farm.
OK, and maybe because she’s unlikely to have made any of that stuff up. She was a wild child.
I’d put Milt Pappas in 2nd because of the 209 wins.
Frank Robinson takes 3rd, based in large measure on “The Tears of a Clown”
.
That is all.
At this time.
jtb
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CADude,
We might have different political parties, worship different gods, or even go to different dry cleaners. But that was scary. While I was typing my rap on Smokey, you were tying yours. Great minds.
jtb
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Good Evening Surf Reporters…..
I was just thinking last night about how JK was holding up with his beerless July. Now I know…
My legacy at 23:
Nightime K-Mart stockperson
Expert Pizza and Calzone maker
Auto Detailer
Advertising salesman
Golf Club salesman
Graduated with an Associates Degree
Graduated with a Bachelors Degree
Husband
Father
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CADude,
Although I will stipulate that your writeup was more clever. And that I can’t spell well when I’m speed typing.
See you at the dry cleaners.
love,
jtb
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Milt? He’s still alive and kickin. Unless you were talking about his career?
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Not 23, but he’ll be almost 53. 10-15-10 Guided By Voices at the Southgate House in Newport, KY.
Wooooooooooooooo!
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At 23, I had graduated from college
Been with more guys than I’ll ever admit here (and had been married and divorced)
Met the Evil Twin (love at first sight)
Had my first professional job with benefits
Had one DUI (1st and only) under my belt
Had 12 earrings, several nipple piercings and 3 tattoos (still have the earrings and tats)
Was a connoisseur of blotter LSD and many other illicit drugs
Knew I would marry the Evil Twin and we’d have 2 secrets
He was 32, so I hope he realized all this, too.
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First!
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Damn this Droid is slow!
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Some asshat at BP just noticed the switch on the wall:
OIL FLOWS INTO GULF / OIL DOESN:T FLOW INTO GULF
Now watch gas prices skyrocket.
I had an ex girlfriend who’s uncle is a Tina Turner impersonator in Louisville, KY.
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The tops of my pre-23 existence:
- Seen a million faces and rocked them all.
- Jerked off eight times in one day (multiple times)
- Dropped out of the same university…twice.
- Won a steel drivin’ contest against a steam powered drill.
- Ate a 4 1/2 pound London Broil in one sitting.
- 1984 Star Search spokesmodel AND teen dance champion.
- Invented the iPod but forgot to apply for patent.
- Destroyed actor James Cromwell in a bar fight.
- Jumped off of a garage using an umbrella…successfully
- Wrote the lyrics to Air Supply’s All Out of Love.
- Passed a 20 word spelling test with a score of 100 percent.
- Made a million dollars, lost a million dollars.
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- Jerked off eight times in one day (multiple times)
Wow, all the same guy?
Ba-Zing!
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Legacy at 23:
Had three kids
One husband
Dropped out of college
Could play classical music on piano
My legacy has expanded in the last 23 years or it sure would be a boring life.
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I’m not all that fond of Buddy Holly, but it did get me listening to Esquivel tonight. Now there’s a musical genius of the 50s.
Also, by the time I was 23 I had successfully drank an entire bottle of whiskey singlehandedly in one night. Don’t remember much else.
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Another,
If you’re over 55, well, music is so much a matter of taste, and there’s no requirement for you to like the music of the guy who directly influenced every rock group from the Beatles to the Stones to the Clash to the Ramones. Live and be well.
If you’re younger, you might want to give Mr. Holley (Holly) another listen. Play the New Mexico stuff rather than the New York stuff. I bet you tap your toes. Not an argument, just a discussion.
jtb
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Jeff,
Nice update today, and yesterday too. Thoughtful, inspired, but breezy. Thanks.
Actually, Buddy Holly was 22 when he died. (22 years and about 5 months).
However, this means the legacies documented above will all need a haircut. So we need to recalibrate the legacies by a year. Sorry, but this is mandated by the People Who Run The Internet.
Chuck, you can get your Reno conviction reversed.
Brittney, I’m afraid the whole Milt Pappas dog thing is down the tube.
Tilly, I wouldn’t touch your list on a bet. Again, nice job.
icecycle, I’m afraid one of your sexual encounters will have to go back on the shelf.
Shiny, you’ll need to lose earth, wind, or fire.
JCIII, sorry, we’re going to have to remove your baccalaureate or the K-Mart. Up to you which.
Ms. Evil, looks like the nipple piercings will have to go.
Stormy, I’m afraid we’ll have to knock off the five hookers you acquired with your first signing bonus.
JDL, we’ll have to kill the “lost a million dollars” part, and can you help a guy out until payday?
.
Of course, I’m just guessing which things you did between 22 and 23. Your own story would be what CADude might call “the best evidence”. Or, if it was illegal in several states, he might call it mopery.
0130 in the Great Pacific Northwest, cool, after yet another day in the high 70s, and clear. Sleep well.
jtb
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2). anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor……..
…which is different from “Things I did by the time I was 23″.
By the time I was 23, I had been on the road for 5+ years, playing trumpet, six nights a week and sometimes seven. I practied and lintened to the trumpet players before me. Listened to their legacy of work recorded. Studied it and did my best to emulate the varied styles of what can be done with a trumpet to create music. The sounds and styles…high notes and quiet notes. Lucky not to go to the “Big Gig in the Catskills” at a young age, I contunied to play and pursue my craft. I’ll leave no legacy. A lot of musicians around the country (trumpet players) know me and remember me…so that works for me. Now I write about it (and other things) and maybe that’s what will move on.
Whoops….before 23 was the question…..sorry. My legacy to that point would have to be my dog Stanley. His life goes on in the memory of a lot of those guys I mentioned above. Whenever I see them or talk to them…they always mention Stanley. Great road dog who ended up in Vegas (the other “Big Gig in the Sky) along with me. Yep….the memory of my dog is still out there.
And now I’ll take the coda, finish this beer and try to go back to sleep.
-d
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dto, do you know the hallorans in st. louis?
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No but I use to hang with Phil Driskel (trumpet player) in the old days, (73-74) He had a long standing gig at the Chase Park and whenever I came through STL we’d get together.
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chase park is pretty sweet. Never stayed but saw movies there, drank there, and delivered pizzas there.
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My dates might be off there….more like 74-75…dunno?
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Before 23: * Went to 4 different schools in 4 different states as my father’s job required several transfers. * Had only been to one concert: The Little River Band at IUP campus. * Got yanked out of a frat party by my father who stood in the doorway yelling, “Where’s my DAUGHTER!!”. * Was hauled off to the police station for throwing eggs at people while my girlfriend and I were in my mother’s banana yellow 4-door, boat sized, Catalina. Upon which I was sentenced to 2 weeks of community service. * Got engaged then broke it off after realizing his mother never had the umbilical cord cut. * Was a groupie with a bad ass local band dating the guitar player…one of the best times and most fun I ever had. * Lived on a working pig, beef cow, and Christmas tree farm….refer to “got engaged” statement. * Began my 20 year career of teaching aerobics/fitness. * Had over 5 years of ballet. Considered Pointe Park College for dance. Never went ….one of my biggest regrets. * Lost my virginity with my first love who resembled a young Robert Redford. To this day I still think of him…the first love, not Mr Redford.
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Sorry about large paragraph. Did this on my Blackberry….. Carry on……
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JTB- all true and it was an abbreviated list. i was wild as hell but I got it together later. Got a degree in Biblical studies and started livin right…..or at least better.
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- helped raise 3 brothers when my mother died
- got accepted into college meteorology program, never went (biggest regret)
- went on first date with girl, on my motorcycle, got hit by old fuck driving van. she ended up in hospital for three months, I walked away with just tremendous amount of guilt.
- eventually slept with same girl, liked it so much eventually got her pregnant. married her, had great daughter, not so great wife. split up with wife after realizing there was more than one woman who would be willing to sleep with me.
- worked in factory for three years out of high school before getting out and going to college.
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Jeff if you ever get a chance to go to the Rock & Roll H.O.F. They have a pretty nice Buddy Holly section. Richey Valens roller skates gave me chills to look at.
Such a shame.
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My application to heaven at 23:
- Born and raised in the Motherland
- At age 15, was caught by Police drinking Apple-flavored malt Duck (Not proud of that)
- Was one of the Doobie Brothers during college (no, not those Doobie Brothers)
- Wrecked my car under the influence a few times (more than 3, less than 9), damaging other cars, without getting caught or arrested. (Those were the good old days, would’ve had 4 or 5 DUI’s today)
- Was arrested in Sunnyside after WVU beat Oklahoma in ’82
- Spent two summers in Ocean City, MD working for college money. Came home with less than $23 both times.
- All encounters with the opposite sex consisted of one-night stands
- Worked as a Drug Delivery Guy
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Was a regular at Lucky’s Bar at age 16, and could run a tab.
Could successfully drink an entire fifth of bourbon in one evening with no hangover, still can.
Totaled 2 cars.
Got 2 DUI’s
Graduated 4 year college degree
Worked as a roofer for one summer
Drove limousine from age 20 to 24 nearly every weekend.
Banged Susan for one entire year, multiple times daily.
She was a 10 on the hot scale but dumb as a bag of hammers.
Bought a cherry one year old Lincoln Town Car at age 23 from a cousin who’s wife could not drive it because it was too big.
Buried my best friend, my Grandpa, who I still miss.
Buried a great beagle I still miss.
Got fired from a gas station.
Worked for a funeral home starting age 18.
Got my first apartment at age 22.
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JTB: I think you’re probably right re: our political beliefs being at odds. You’re in The Great Pacific Northwest, I’m in The OC. ‘Nuff said. Although you may be old enough to know better….
As for worshiping Gods…’nuff said. Although Smokey might qualify.
As for today’s (yesterday’s) Topic: I’ve been trying to figure out a way to list “things I’d done by age 23 (nee 22 yrs. + 5 mos.)” and I keep coming up with the title of my unwritten memoir: “My Life Was a Social Experiment”. A greater-L.A. suburban school district put me on a track at age 5 which gave me access to all that was good in the late-50′s/60′s/early 70′s public education system, which I parlayed with a strong will and above-average sports skills into an Ivy League education (on the dime of the school, since my parents’ dimes were already accounted for). Those were very interesting times, and it was a very interesting ride.
The memoir won’t be written–while there were many “accomplishments”, they’re no more noteworthy than those I’ve seen listed above. And they all seem unimportant when compared to living on a farm. You go, Tilly.
And, alas, there was a small dose of mopery. In the later years (and we’re only talking about the first 22 5/12. Don’t get me started re: mopery in the 70′s and early 80′s.).
In sum, I guess I’d set things up rather well by the age of 23. And although I didn’t hit a home run, there’s something to be said for being a solid singles hitter. Ask Rod Carew.
–CD
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By 23, I had -
Worked at a job where I had to frequently visit then-Gov. Jay Rockefeller’s office and stand at his desk as he signed several letters and listen to him bs with his hot secretary.
Worked in the WV State Senate as a session doorman, where my main job was to run errands for the Senators, including taking half days getting tires changed on their cars, buying a trunk-full of booze at the liquor store, so they could party hearty and arrange encounters with their side-skanks.
Joined the locally famous 20 Club.
Can’t think of anything else, my brain cells from that period are pretty well cooked by now.
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Chuck in belpre in Marietta have you ever checked out Michael Dickinson ‘s artwork?
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