Why do so many people who instinctively go against the grain also have iPhones? You know, the folks who don’t own a television, or like to pontificate about how the Beatles are overrated? Those types. Many of them carry the world’s trendiest item around – with pride. It’s amazing.
You’ve got to hand it to Apple. They create products that excite the herd, while somehow maintaining an outside-the-mainstream vibe. Few things are more mainstream than an iPhone in 2012, yet all the cool kids will be lining up for the privilege of paying big bucks for the newest version in a few days. It’s bizarre: like horn rim-hipsters getting excited by a Billy Joel tour. Once something is embraced in the suburbs, its coolness factor usually plummets. Not so, the iPhone; for some reason it gets a pass.
I worked in the yard yesterday, and it looks a thousand times better. I have a giant blister on the inside of my right thumb, and my back hurts – just north of the great divide. But I think I might have experienced the satisfaction of a job well-done. I’m not overly familiar with such things, so I could be wrong. But I’m almost certain.
However… I still hated it, and said the word “fuck” roughly 500 times. Just to be clear on the matter.
After I post this update I’m going to get a Wal-Mart haircut. I’ve had them before, but it’s been many years. I can’t remember them being too bad. Plus, who gives a crap? George Clooney, I ain’t. Toney gave me a coupon for $7.99, and I’m going to put that bad boy to use.
What was the worst haircut you’ve ever had? When I first moved here I went to a cigar store/barber shop – I’m not kidding – and left the place looking like a cancer victim. The chair was sitting in the middle of a tiny smoke shop, and the barber was about 90 years old and stinking of gasoline. He broke out some ancient clippers from a Charlie Chaplin movie, which started cutting in and out and throwing sparks. Gasoline… sparks… it was excruciating.
He was a nice old guy, but I had patches of exposed scalp and a couple of Mohawks, neither of which were running from front to back. It was awful, and also bizarre. He kept stopping, so he could ring up a cigar customer. The place is still in business, but I don’t know about the barbering side of things. For some reason I never returned.
Shit! It’s a wonder there weren’t collection jars around town, with my picture on them.
I also got a haircut at a local barber shop one time, and the guy talked, non-stop, about how Mexicans and blacks are ruining the country. He didn’t know me, I’d never set foot in the place before, yet went on and on. I never went back there, either. Klansman Kuts isn’t really what I’m looking for.
If you’ve had any especially bad haircut experiences, please tell us about them. Use the comments link below.
And I was going to go on a tirade about Good Morning America now, and how EVERY PERSON on that show is annoying. But I’m struggling, my friends. The words aren’t exactly flowing today.
So, I’m just going to stop right here and go get my discount haircut. After they shave my neck, maybe I’ll also buy some cornbread mix, socks, snow tires, a fishing pole, LASIK eye surgery, deodorant, a Steppenwolf CD, a sack of goldfish, a fern, life insurance, and a Caribbean cruise. But, we’ll have to play it by ear.
Oh, one more thing… the neighbors put this out with their trash today. WTF? I think it might be flesh and blood.
See you guys next time.
Have a great weekend!