Here Are 15 of My Ideas for New Cable Channels. Care to Add to the List?

gilbert-gottfriedBarely Missed Putts:  footage of golf balls barely missing the hole, 24 hours a day.

Drunk People Talking About Politics, Love, and the Reasons Why Everything Is Fucked and Will Always Be Fucked

The Choking Channel: ‘round the clock video of people choking on food.

Famous People Underwater

Local Weather Forecasts of the Late 1980s

Assembly Lines of the Orient

African-American Sailing

The Front Door:  non-stop footage of fat guys with oversized sideburns and fedoras, sometimes capes, entering and leaving video game stores.

The Too Soon Channel:  a broadcast home for people who like to make jokes about tragedies shortly after they occur.

Retail Pep Talks: Eavesdrop as retail managers fire up their crews.

Collation!

Cubicle Workers Airing Their Grievances

Racist Diatribes with the Greatest Generation

Newscasters Rolling Their Rs

Pixilated Nudity and Ragtime:  Heavily pixilated nude scenes from movies, accompanied by ragtime music.

Admittedly, a few of those might work better as a half-hour weekly program, but I’m pushing for the full network treatment.  Hell, why not?

In the comments section, please add to the list.  We can do much better than a measly 15 new television channels.  Right?!

And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.

Have a great day!

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