Help Me Plan the Worst Amusement Park in the World!
We’re off to Knoebels today, which most certainly is NOT the worst amusement park in the world. But I need your help in creating the rides and attractions at an imaginary theme park that is suckish. I came up with a few while having coffee this morning, to prime the pumps. And you guys can take it from there. Here are my suggestions:
- Turdwater Rapids
- Whirling Tunnel of Knives
- Haunted Pants
- Body Odors of the World
- The Extractor
- Sodomy Flyer
- Piss Mist Surge
- Hoveround Choo Choo
- Sulky-Go-Round
- The Liver Twister
- Herniated Disc Adventure
Thanks for your help with this important project!
See ya soon.
Treat yourself today at Amazon!
Filed under: Daily
Woohoo!
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Drinking coffee in the morning always seems to “prime the pumps” for me too.
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#3. Woooo-Hooooo!
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Hey-O!!!
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Flume of Doom
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The Enema Express
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Dead Pony Ride
Catapult Carnage
The Decapitator
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The Go Fuck Yourself-ulator
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Correctional Institution Shiv Throw
Side note: Has FurtherEvidence.com finally found the end?
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Good Morning Surf Reporters……
The Eviscerator -or- The Disemboweler
Carcinoma Caverns
Whack -a- Boil
The Sewer Slide
The Wedgie Whirl
Hall of Stillbirths
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For me, the worst amusement park in the world would look exactly like an amusement park looks.
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This smells like a diversionary tactic to keep us from telling each other to go fuck ourselves.
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The 2 o’clock Ball Masher
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JC — Whack-a-boil Classic!!
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The Go-Fuck-yourself-erator.
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Pus Mountain
The Colonoscopator
The Ryan’s Steakhouse Experience
Squirrels Up Your Nose
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Jihad Mountain
Tilt-a-Whirl of Flesh
Emasculator
Drano Falls
China Syndrome Luncheonette
DMV Simulator
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The Acid Dip
Tunnel Of Bees
Hall of Crucifixions
Anal Wind powered Freefall Simulator
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The Genital Hammer
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@Hot Fuzz…..I posted before I read the posts.
Very proud to think like you do!
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Hall & Oates of Mirrors
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Lawn Log Flume
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Bomama it probably just means we’re on the same meds!
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Rape-A-Whirl
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The Andrea Yates Kiddie Pool
Body Fluid Flume ride
and
Cockfights on the midway
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Let’s not forget about all the wonderful concession stands we’ll find:
Head Cheese & Waffles
Carmel Coated Avacados
International House of Offal
Beef Tongue on a Stick
Toaster Shakings
Deep Fried Carp
Candy Coated Monkey Paws
Yard Biscuits & Cruellers
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Runaway Toyota rollercoaster
BP Slick N’ Slide
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JCIII – You’ve high lighted the concessions… should we include the Freak shows too?
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Ferak Show…..
“SEE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY FUCK THEMSELVES”!!!!
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Take two…
Freak show….
“SEE PEOPLE WHO CAN ACTUALLY FUCK THEMSELVES”!!!!
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My future amusement park name:
Bowels of Fun
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@SeeKar
That’s cold…funny…but cold.
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Cayenne Hemorrhoid
Helen Thomas French Kiss of Death
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Logging in illegally at work:
Holy Shit! I have had this idea since my four day Disney pass and I can’t believe I am reading it now. I see an intellectual property lawsuit in the works Mr Kay! Just kidding, however, my son and I have been working on this idea for months now and we have come up with not ride names, but circumstances. For example:
A line that twists through mazes and mazes until you get to a door, It takes about ten minutes to get through the mazes to the door. Once you go through the door, you are outside again.
The concession stands only have water and soy burgers.
No backpacks or purses allowed. All carry in items must be left in the raccoon pit.
Parking is only allowed in non-paved areas. If it rains, count on a three hour wait to leave.
The enclosed butterfly garden give out bottles of hand sanitizer for prizes. You must kill ten butterflies to qualify.
Must wear 3-D glasses at all times while in park. Athough there are no 3-D effects.
Pets are kept at the Wild Cats cage only. Any pets found in the park will be sold to the bait shop
Chad Ochocinco is your park guide.
The restrooms- all Cadle’s.
And….admission price is based on your weight.
Just a few ideas, we never went much further with it.
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Lunch: Deep-fried Hairballs, beef-a-roni & Ice Cold Hot Dog Water
Now let’s go stand in line for the Upchucker.
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Hardoxdan…your two almost sound like a “would you rather”
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Whack-a-firster
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It’s a Small Flesh Wound After All
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Bumper Carbuncles
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Ringworm Toss
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for the boys: The Priest-a-Whirl
The Mad Hatter – One hit of LSD per person at the gate…
Menstrual Mountain
The Fairy-go-Round – all of the saddles have butt plugs
Mad Max Bumper Cars
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Compound Fracture Merry Go Round
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The Spunk Tank
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Target Shooting for the Blind Booth
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The Bobbitt
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Barbed-wire Bungee Jump
MRI Log Ride
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Carousel of Mayonnaise
The Jacksonator
Homes and Land Jamboree
The Visible Robin Williams
Ford vs Chevy Debate-o-rama
I’m pretty sure I will be back with more, this is fertile ground we’re sowing here…
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The Killer Whale Ride
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12 Guage Haunted House
Three Mile Island Theater
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Butt Pirates of the Caribean
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@Hot Fuzz
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
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“Discount Desert Tour on Meds” This Sunny psychedelic ride is free to get on but you have to constantly pay to keep going and eventually the ride stops and travels backwards to the beginning anyway.
“Translucent Journey” The rider starts in a clean antiseptic room facing a mural of Johnny Depp, then slowly rises in a thin dark tube only to be violently ejected towards what appears to be a thick tangle of mossy overgrowth but turns out to be the entrance to a dark cave. Feel the coarse hairs whisk across your face and arms as you enter! The rider then faces a grueling series of obstacles including the screaming Lego room and Mount Tofu. The ride concludes with the rider entering a long mysterious winding tunnel…What is that metallic smell? Oh no, the tunnel is too tight we’ll never make it! Follow the magic wooden spoon, it will guide us out!… Finally the rider is squeezed out into the open air where they seemingly plop into a cold water basin…back safely in the antiseptic room.
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the worlds worst amusement park is right here in huntington,WV http://www.camdenpark.com/ it smells like asshole and puke and cost 30+ dollars to get in.
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Hoveround Choo Choo!? Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GWZp1U2iS4
The House of Shitters
Bumper Boners
Toothless Wonder Fun House
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Bomama – I usually take 300 mg of Fukitol twice a day with food.
Lick-a-Clown Ride
Money Shot Target Shooting
Entrails Bungie Jump
Toyota Bumper Cars
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Vagina Full of Bad Decisions – The 4D Experience
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Pastor McP… perfect
Try the Michael Jackson Karioke at the park. Before singing Michael’s mom hammers your balls. (How do you think his voice stayed so high? Sorry, I heard that on Howard Stearn)
Walk through Animal park.
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Father O’Malley’s Tent of Tickles, Secrets and Sodomy
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Considering that it is the 1st death day of the Queen of Pop, Michael Jacksoffonlittlekids, I just wanted to point out that my boyfriend works in Gary, Indiana. He said that the crack heads are especially cracked out and crazy during this time of mourn.
Does anyone LIVE in the house he used to live in? Because I’d be real salty if there was a onslaught of crying crackheads with candles, sitting on boxes and beach chairs around my house…
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If there any crackheads on the surf, sorry if I offended.
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Heidi Fleiss’s House of Whores
“See County Workers Standing Around with Shovles”
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Menstrual Cyclorama
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Kevindust – hilarious!
Both were funny but the second one made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
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rape-a-whirl is my fave so far.
Fist-a-Firster
Stolen from Patton Oswalt
Uncle Touchy’s Magic Puzzle Basement
The Double Down Diarrhea Flume
Wal-Mart
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Booths:…
Bicycle Seat Sniffing!
Kiss a Girl with Herpes!
Catch the Plague…Win a Prize!
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Carny is in town right now, and I think about half of the rides are here!!
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Sodomy Slide
Menstrual Splash
The Cockbreaker
Anal Pop-n-Twist
Avoid the Semen
Shock to the Balls
Land of 1,000 Dicks
Adventures in Taint Town
The Rusty Ball Shaver
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Concessions…
Poop du Jour
Hot Fudge Margaritas
Admirable Byrd’s Hot Buttered Groat Clusters
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@Dr. Lily
Anything you want to tell us?
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@dto
Nice Imus reference. +1
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No, I’d prefer not to.
Let’s just say it’s been a long week.
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Chuck…what was the Imus reference?
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With imaginations like these, if you all got together, you could cure all known diseases & irrigate the desert
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Or perhaps CAUSE all known diseases and pollute the desert with fecal matter
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In Bodily Functions Land:
Bulimic Barf-Off
Ass-Plosion for Distance
Flame-a-Fart Light Show
Jimmy Kuhn’s Spurt-a-Rama
@WB: You may be right, but I will not be distracted. Go fuck yourself.
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Chuck…come on man. Frikin’ tell me the Imus reference because it wasn’t intentional. I did make an inside reference/quote that someone may point out later…and that was fun. Just wondering man.
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It was from a very old Imus recording. He was imitating televangelists and said something about ‘I’m full of it and I’m about to let it go. Just look at it…a steaming heap of hot buttered goat custards.’
Maybe it was Firesign Theatre but I’m still thinking Imus.
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Nope…it was Firesign theatre. Sorry.
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Hot dogs on a stick. Literally. Two whole dachshunds and some crispy poodle pieces for a twenty.
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Firesign for sure. “Don’t Crush That Dwarf…Hand me the Pliers”…and the Admirable Byrd groat clusters was mentioned in a ‘commercial’ on tthis too aside from that reference you mentioned.
The evangelist you mention was Imus’s…The Reverand Billy Sol Hargas from the Del Rio Discount House of Worship…”Where for this week only, you can get the regular $10.00 blessing for only $6.99.”
Thanks for answering….-d
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Well it was a LONG time ago. Guess I mixed up my references. Gettin’old.
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Damn Chuck…you didn’y have to put long in caps. I’ve got the CD (and my vynil) and listen to it at least once a month. “Bozo’s” and ” How Can You Be Two Places….” also. Keeps me ‘centered’.
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‘Wanna squeeze the wheeze? Some people like to.’
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Ok…there. Anybody wanna tell somebody to go fuck themselves?
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Kevindust, please send me some of the drugs you’re on. Thank you very much. Are those Canadien drugs? Yea, I spelled it with an “en”… learned French at Laval.
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Sorry for being an ass but that update sucked. Oh well they can’t all be classics. I guess Albert Einstein had some down days too huh?
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The only beer available is Natty Light.
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The Herpe Hoowah!
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The Mustache Ride – preferably pushbroom.
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Val,
That wasn’t an update. It was a “hey I’m rushing out the door, let’s see what you fuckers can do with yourselves for a few days”.
The Tunnel of Bad Decisions
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ok this is a little off subject but maybe i can spin back around but why do i feel so, how do you say, secure with my new girlfriend than with my ex-wife. I know we had some problems but with my new girlfriend it’s different. We can laugh and play and bullshit with each other and know that we are just fucking with each other. I really love her. Were as with my ex I wasn’t ever sure about what i should be doing. She didn’t understand me but my new girl does. So sorry for the long comment but I think the worst ride and possibly the best that you could have in your amusement park would be one called LOVE. isn’t that fucked up? Maybe i’m just fucked up i know ive drank more than a few. LOL oh man later guys and gals…..
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We know what we can do with ourselves. Go fuck ourselves of course.
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Very sappy, but I believe that overall there really is no off subject here, and you tied it together nicely.
I can be the same way, especially after a few beers. I’m a sucker for a song that smacks me the right way, I think I’ve cried more during a drive by truckers song than I did over my grandmother dying.
As far as love goes I have 2 girls on the very periphery of my love life that I want to be with but neither one will work out long term for very different reasons.
I need to get out of here so I can drink.
Boys and girls in America, they have such a sad time together
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I’m gonna fuck myself into a coma.
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Valentin – I have been married to she who must be feared and obeyed for 24 years this year. I’ve been happily married for most of them. I’ve known SWMBFAO since grade 9 and we’ve been “going together” since grade 11. We’re 48.
The 4 things we’ve learned to do well are
trust;
laugh;
teamwork;
and laugh.
I’m amazed at how many long term couples still keep separate bank accounts (is it a trust issue? it’s certainly a teamwork issue).
I’m amazed that so many couples take themselves so seriously and don’t seem to let their guard down. (trust? certainly a laugh issue).
And I’m more amazed about how many couples don’t do simple little things to show appreciation – yes we’re talking about saying thanks for dinner, for filling up the car with gas, for saying how nice the lawn looks after it was just mowed, or how clean the kitchen looks (teamwork!) and especially what a great ass you have.
All free.
All easy.
All can become a habit.
None of them weaken any position you may have.
If sincere, the person on the receiving end tends to return the sentiment in kind.
My wife (SWMBFAO) knows me better than anyone on the planet and vise versa – which means – she knows how to make me laugh more than anyone else (and again, visa versa). (laugh, teamwork, trust, laugh).
I’m glad you’ve found someone you can relax around and have a good laugh. It sure solves a lot of problems and prevents even more. I wish you luck.
Wow, where the fuck did that come from? These new meds are kickin’ ASS!!!
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LOL HOLY HELL and WHAT THE FUCK??? THAT SHIT IS FUNNY T-STORM. OH MAN time for another beer!!!!
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T-Storm – one day dude, we’ll find ourselves pissed drunk doing a karaoke duet of “Live like you were dyin” or “I hope you dance” and we’ll be two slobbering idiots up on stage…and there won’t be a dry fucking eye in the house.
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Because they’ll all have dropsy?
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AND i hope i’m there with you guys. Nothing like beer to bring people together.
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LOL – thank god for wikipedia
Yes Yes that’s exactly what I meant.
I need to go renew my man card now and watch some Nascar to get that testosterone level back up.
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Good Morning Surf Reporters…….
How did the Amusement Park for all Eternal Hell turn into a sappy soliloquy for the warm and fuzzies of marital (or domestic partnership) bliss?
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Life is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. Then you marry one. I guess that’s the craziest ride of all.
At this time.
jtb
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Full moon. ’nuff said
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CADude-Thanks!
hot fuzz-Actually tonight is the full moon, but I couldn’t tell the difference till I checked the calender.
Anybody stand outside last night to catch a glimpse of the space station passing overhead?
http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/realdata/sightings/
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lol sorry guys. there could be a ride called drink till you drop were everyone rides in the back of a wagon and you drink until you fall out. What should be the prize if your the last one left though???
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Didn’t see the ISS but this looks pretty cool:
http://www.pacificstarflight.com/Pacific_Star/Pacific_Star_II.html
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My boyfriend is my heart, soul, comedian and my hero. Oh yes, I love him that much. And I’m not drunk, just hungover. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t come on here drunk last night…instead I played Xbox and yelled at 12 year olds until 4 in the morning. Good times.
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Well damn Brittney…if you want to set the bar that high…Fine. Just fine!
I can change spark plugs and oil and pick off skunks at 200 yards with a .22. And I promise to never ask you if you want to go to the ballet.
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See…I don’t even know how to spell it….
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RIP Cory Hamasaki…I made a shit-pot full of cash on the run up to Y2K. Seems longer than a decade ago we thought the end was near.
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Vander Sloot Kissing Booth
Mule Kick Petting Zoo
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The Rapist.
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You guys are awesome. This has been fun to read. How about, “Waking up for a minute to find your face covered with an old rag, your uncle on top of you making weird grunting noises and the room smelling of whiskey and some kind of medicine” – The Ride
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The rectal plate drop
The Spooge Blaster (not sure if this is a ride of fountain drink)
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not of – or
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Dog Turd Tightrope.
The De- Railer Rollercaoster of Fear.
The Food Poisoning Challenge.
Old Tampon Lucky Dip
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Dto…If we go to the ballet, we have to laugh as loud as possible when the male ballet dancer comes out with a raging bulge in his leotard.
The David Bowie bulge is going to be an instant kneeslapper until I’m too old to slap my own knee.
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@ Alice Thank you!
@ Greg Despite living in the country with the best enhancers…I came up with that while stone cold sober at work. It is a compilation of references and stories that Jeff has told (if you don’t “get it” you really need to sign up for the insider report)
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Heat Index is 110…I’m Dying here!!!
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We skipped out on a day to the waterpark because the the weather was calling for severe storms in our area all day…its sunny and 90 out, and we are sitting on the couch watching tv. Awesome day. >:(
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@ Kevindust. I got it. I definately got it! I just thought it was some great writing.
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Life is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enema
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Jeff – in other WV news – Sen. Robert Byrd shuffled off to that great Ku Klux Klan rally in the sky at the age of 92…
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In memory of Robert Bryd I am flying my sheets at half mast
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