I need to do something. I’m fat as fuck. I know: watch what I eat and get more exercise. Thanks for that, very helpful. No, I need a framework. Not just generalities. I installed an app yesterday called LoseIt! which is a tracker, etc. This morning I’ve had five cups of coffee with a splash of 2% milk in each, no sugar. And a chocolate chip muffin from Wegmans. And holy shit on the muffin! It was about 20% of my allowed daily calories.
I might try this thing out for a few days and see if I can lock in with it. Apparently, I tried it once before, because when I opened it there was all my info inside. I have no recollection of this, but whatever. Perhaps there’s an international database of enormous fatasses, and it pulls from there? I simply don’t know.
But I’m afraid my swaddling chickens are going to come home to roost. I’m gonna have a heart attack or a stroke, or develop “sugar” as some people call it back home. Plus, whenever I see my reflection in a window, or whatever, I literally gasp. How is it possible?? I was skinny in high school. Skinny! Now, look what’s happened. It’s like something out of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.
Do they still have fat farms? Maybe I could go away to one of those deals? What do they do there? Just sit around crying into a bowl of oats all day? I guess I could do that.
I love those Weight Watchers commercials: eat what you want! Hell, I’ve been doing that for years. It doesn’t work for me. I look like the goddamn Michelin Man. Oh… in moderation? I don’t like the sound of that.
Anyway, have you ever undertaken some sort of weight-loss regimen and found success? The only time I’ve ever shed significant poundage during my adult life was following breakups with girlfriends. The weight just falls off. Of course, there’s heartache and soul-crushing misery that goes along with it. It’s not a course of action I want to take ever again, thank you very much.
What about you? Tell us about it, won’t you? I know this is a short one, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. By the way… it’s humid as a bastard today. I’m sitting here marinating in my own juices. I hate this time of year, I really do. This is true bullshit.
I’ll see you guys again on Thursday.
Have a great day, my friends!