Toney and I recently found ourselves in an unusual situation. The younger youngling was attending a marathon birthday party somewhere, and the older hooligan went to see some horrible movie with a friend who looks like a character off Over the Edge.
So, we had two to three hours of free time on a Friday evening. It’s simply unheard of.
“Wanna go to the yuppie bar for a couple of pints?” one of us said after dinner, probably me.
“Sounds good,” came the answer. And so we went.
The place has all manner of outdoor seating. There are regular tables out front, a large tent in the yard with other tables inside, and various chairs, couches, and coffee tables here and there. Oh, it’s quite an elaborate scene.
And on this particular night it was packed with the usual lineup of power-brokers and assholes. I assessed the situation and didn’t see a place for us to sit. Every chair was filled with guys in golf shirts and shorts with a belt, or their wives/ample-breasted mistresses. Everybody seemed to be pontificating knowingly across wine glasses.
“Screw this, let’s go,” I said.
“Hey, you guys can sit here!” someone shouted from a distance. It was a young couple on a couch, eating a plate of nachos (or somesuch) from a coffee table. There were two empty chairs there — which meant we’d probably have to chitchat. I’m not really a fan of the frozen-smile stranger chitchat… but our options were severely limited.
And get this: it turns out they were really nice, and I found myself actually conversing with them, and laughing. It was a shocking turn of events. Toney could talk to a cigar store Indian, but I generally have to know someone for two to three decades before I completely open-up. Yet it was somehow different with these two outdoor nacho-eaters.
They told us they’d just bought an expensive designer puppy from a breeder in England (I’m telling you, the place is a pretentious-magnet), and we were talking about dogs and all the “fun” they bring to life. It was a good time, and the four of us seemed to be operating on the same wavelength.
I asked the waitress what beers they had on-tap, and it was the usual lineup. They have a good selection there, but it never changes. And that’s kinda disappointing. I went with a Magic Hat #9, and think Toney ordered a Sam Adams Summerfest.
I offered to buy our new friends a round, which is completely out of character, but they said they needed to get home before their pup stripped the upholstery off their couch, full-on. Shockingly enough, I hated to see them go.
The place was still slammed with people, and we moved from our chairs to the couch. To better observe and mock the snobs, you know. Then the roles were reversed, and we saw another couple walk in, and start looking for a place to sit. Just like we’d done, thirty minutes before.
“Hey, you guys can sit here!” I shouted from a distance, as my current role demanded. What was happening to me??
Yeah, but I overplayed my hand. The chemistry just wasn’t there with the second couple. They were perfectly nice, and everything, but there were big awkward gaps in the conversation.
They said they have a vacation home in the area, and I think I actually snorted. A vacation home — near Scranton?! I see much humor in that statement. I asked where they live, and — I’m not shitting you — they said Cape May, NJ! They live beside the ocean, but summer in Scranton. I fully expected Allen Funt to walk out from behind a partition.
They asked us about local places to eat, and Toney suggested an Italian deli for sandwiches. “Oh, is that the place beside the ice cream shop? They’re horrible,” he said.
Yeah, it just wasn’t the same vibe as the first couple… and I didn’t offer to buy these two a damn thing. And when the waiter said a table had opened-up for them, I was pretty glad.
But it was good time, overall. We had three pints each, and afterward Toney complimented me on my surprising humanness. That’s not the way she put it, but it’s certainly what she meant.
Pass the beer nuts.
Metten wrote this yesterday, and it’s apparently supposed to be funny. But I don’t see the humor. It all seems perfectly reasonable to me.
And speaking of mockable, we’d like to start running reader-generated articles on Fridays. So, if you have something you’re itching to mock, send it to mockable[at]gmail.com. If we think it’s funny, and don’t believe it will get us sued, we’ll probably feature it as a Friday guest post, along with a prominent link back to yer site, or whatever. So, get to writing.
Also, only about a million t-shirts remain(gulp), and you’d better hurry if you want one. Here’s the link. Don’t delay!
And Steve and I are going to see the New York Dolls tomorrow. Or, to be more precise, the current group of people calling themselves the New York Dolls. Make no mistake, I don’t consider this to be the real Dolls. But it’s David Johansen performing the old songs, with a band that’s supposedly hot as shit. And that’s perfectly acceptable, at this point.
Have you attended many reunion shows? I wanted to see the Police last summer, and also Van Halen. But it didn’t happen. I have seen Steely Dan three or four times though, and recommend it highly.
Plus, I’ve seen the Buzzcocks twice — as well as Television(!). There’s undoubtedly others I can’t remember right now, but those are the reunion shows that jump immediately to my mind.
What about you? Do you have any experience with reformed bands on their “4th Annual Farewell Tour,” or the “We’re All Outta Cash Tour ’06,” or whatever? Tell us about it, won’t you?
Also, who would you like to see reform? Put me down for the Replacements, thank you very much.
And I’ll do my best to update tomorrow. Steve and I are gonna make a day of it, and are planning to leave early, so it might be a challenge. But we’ll see how it goes.
Have a great day, my friends.