Four or Five Unrelated Things
Last night at work they brought in four slushy machines, and told us to have at it. They do that kind of thing, from time to time… So I had roughly two gallons of blue raspberry during my ten hours there. Man, it really hit the spot on an evening when the air was so thick you practically had to swim through it.
But there were side effects. I don’t want to be overly graphic here, but this morning I was doing full double-takes in the bathroom. It was an amazing thing to behold: military green! I almost saluted.
Anyway. A few days ago Bill in WV and I were doing a rundown of the many nicknames we had for people in high school. We were big on the homemade nicknames… In fact, that shouldn’t be past-tense, we ARE big on the homemade nicknames.
A few that were mentioned: Dirt, Meatball, Giant Ant, Raintree, HiHo, Jody-Hook, the Hag on the Fire Door, Eats, Raz-R-Sharp, Sour Cream, Mooch, and Hate Him.
I could go into the back-stories of all those, but it would take several days. I’m just interested in your mean-spirited DIY high school nicknames. Did you create them, too? If so, tell us about it. Use the comments.
As you might know, I remain a fan of the nickname. In fact, Toney communicates with me in my own manufactured tongue, so as to avoid confusion. She says things like, “You know that guy you call Sam Donaldson?” or “I ran into Triscuit Neck at the grocery store today…”
It’s a system that works for us. Heck, if she used their real names, I’d have no idea who she was talking about.
And Toney does it, too. She calls a co-worker “Dog Shampoo,” which cracks me up. She says the woman smells exactly like Andy after a bath. I’m laughing, just thinking about it.
So, what do you have on this one? Anything? We need to know.
Yesterday I was mercilessly mocked for listing the first fifteen songs my iPod played in shuffle mode, and asking you guys to do the same. So, I’m going to do it again. Here’s today’s list:
“New Sensation” INXS
“Honeysuckle Blue” Drivin ‘N’ Cryin
“Take a Look At the Guy” The Faces
“Devil Doll” X
“Man In the Corner Shop” The Jam
“Jesse James Bolero” Prefab Sprout
“Mesopotamia” B-52s
“Going Fetal” Eels
“7 And 7 Is” Love
“Ultra Unbelievable Love” Robyn Hitchcock
“Jenny’s Theme” The Folk Implosion
“Now You Come Back” Steve Forbert
“Liars’ Bar” The Beautiful South
“Boat” Marah
“Perfect Timing” Drive-By Truckers
And check this out. Surf Reporter Brian took it upon himself to rank the bands everyone listed in yesterday’s comments. I think he cut it off around 11 am EST today, and it’s one hell of a tall list.
Thanks, man! That’s impressively nutty — almost Deadwood fuck nutty.
Apparently Nancy and fambly will be passing through our town this afternoon, on their way to North Carolina. Or is it South Carolina? In any case, they’ll be here around dinner time, and we might break gluten-free bread with them.
I’ll let you know what transpires, if anything.
And finally, from the Stealing Clive Bull‘s Topics desk, I’d like to know if you own every episode of any TV shows, on DVD. I have several:
Seinfeld
Andy Griffith Show (b&w only)
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Deadwood
Homicide: Life on the Street
The Sopranos
The Office (Brit version)
Adventures of Pete & Pete
My So-Called Life
Monty Python’s Flying Circus
I also own every set available so far of LOST, Green Acres, and SNL (seasons 1 thru 4). And I have about seven seasons of Friends, all secured for free through my previous employer, as well as the first three seasons of Spongebob — back when it was genius.
What about you? Are you a TV on DVD person? If so, tell us what you got.
And I’m stopping right here. I don’t feel so hot. I might have to go for another olive drab sitdown. Something ain’t right…
Have a great weekend, boys and girls.
I’ll see you on Monday.
Filed under: Daily
First
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Oh man, after years of reading this blog, I finally came upon it first. What a great feeling. Thank you Jeff, for bringing that little ray of sunshine to my day.
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I’ve got an in-law that I’ve recently started referring to as “The Lizard”
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I’m skipping the iPod question, it’s so much typing. For DVDs, I’ve got:
LOST
Arrested Development
As Time Goes By
The Office (UK and US)
Extras
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Kudos Brian- Cool list!!!!
4th?
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Hey, if you guys want to encourage him that’s your business.
There was a girl in college that I used to call “slut muppet” because she looked like the human version of the slutty-looking guitar player in Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem from The Muppet Show. With the help of the internet, I now know that the muppet’s name was Janice…so there’s that.
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I’ve got Lost and Deadwood – but I’m thinking about Dexter. And a link related to todays Further Evidence –
http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF103-Nice_Shirt.gif
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Top ten!
Lost
Heroes
Band of Brothers
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I don’t even know what “Triscuit Neck” means, but I laugh every time I read it.
My friends and I had so many ridiculous nicknames for each other, and our high school classmates. Some of my favorites off the top of my head: Whore of Babylon, Pissboy, Jolly Green Giant, Bacon, Hot Bacon, Dolphin, and Spammy.
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SNL, The Office (so far) and Jericho, which is no accomplishment since it got killed off after a season and a half.
I have the same types of nicknames for co-workers. An old woman who thinks she is everyone’s boss is Grammaw Nutsack. Jose Ocivio is Juan Rodriguez. Rueben Torres is Juan Roadriguez. A Norwegian blonde woman is Chick from ABBA. A woman named Nicole has no chin, so she is “Not the Pillowcase Changer”. A guy who has those giant button sized discs in his earlobes is “Guy who’s not going to get promoted”. I am, of course, the big, fucking jerk from Admin. There are about 100 people working in this building. They all have nicknames.
Did you know- Jamie Lee Curtis was born with both male and female parts?
On IPOD right now- “Tear you Apart” by She Wants Revenge
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I own Earth 2 and The Highlander. I am about to purchase the Jonathan Creek dvds.
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Once again, I have no fukkin idea who any of those bands are except for INXS. Shoot me.
I’m a big nicknamer. It’s mostly a thing of affection, people that I like get nicknames, but not always. Some of the nicknames from high school include:
Nigga Wayne, Turtle, Arf, Sloth, Peanut, Squeaky, John tha Jap, Pigpen, Porkchop, and Scooter. There are many more. Jeez, I haven’t thought about some of these people in years. This was fun.
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DVD’s? The Honeymooners, that’s it.
iPod list since I didn’t participate yesterday:
1. Girl Of My Dreams – Bram Tchaikovsky
2. There She Goes – Boo Radleys
3. King Of Fools – Social Distortion
4. Can’t Hardly Wait – The Replacements
5. Cry For Love – Iggy Pop
6. The Star Spangled Banner – U2
7. Ring Of Fire – Social Distortion
8. Cannonball – The Breeders
9. I Will Dare – The Replacements
10. Do You Remember – Jack Johnson
11. The Boy In The Bubble – Patti Smith
12. No Surprises (Live) – Radiohead
13. Bankrobber – The Clash
14. The Great Gig In The Sky – Pink Floyd
15 Dr. Robert – The Beatles
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Ooh, nicknames. My wife and I were pros at this game. We lived in our last apartment for 5 years and never bothered to learn our neighbors’ actual names. We merely assigned private nicknames and proceeded with business as usual.
My wife also had successive cube neighbors who yapped all the time. The first was “Chatty Cathy” and after she moved cubes she was replaced with another talky one who was quickly tagged “Chatty Cathy 2.0″ for convenience.
Also there was talk of a co-woker there named “Smelly Cat” but I don’t have the details on that situation.
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Whole Series:
“Freaks and Geeks”
(easy to have the whole series of that one, since it only lasted one season)
A Season or Two or Three:
“Leave it to Beaver”
“Curb Your Enthusiasm”
“Get Smart” (haven’t watched it yet)
“Beavis and Butthead”
I’ve been meaning to buy the first season or two of “Beverly Hillbillies,” but haven’t yet. Would also probably buy “Get a Life,” if the whole thing ever gets released on DVD.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……..
In the nickname department:
My Mother in Law is known as “That Bitch”
There’s a salesman at work known as “Cheddar Head”
and back in high school, one poor girl was commonly known as “Fish”. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that one.
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Hmmm… series that I own ever show:
Rome
Arrested Development
Coupling
Dexter
As well as a couple other series I won’t mention for fear of being the subject of a mockable update.
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We’ve got: Band of Brothers, Arrested Development, Yes, Prime Minister, Firefly and Deadwood. Partial series: Northern Exposure, Homicide, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, probably a few more. I love having a whole season at hand.
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Bill in WV and I still make up nicknames for people here in downtown Charleston. A few of the more classic are, in no specific order…….. Powder Head, Jumping Kizzie, Apple Doll Head or ADH, The Commander, Sasquatch, Gorilla man and many others. Bill probably remembers even more. I was a pro in High school too. There was Hair Bear, Tooth, Feldspar, Hambone, Loogie, Caveman, Cheeks, and I could go on and on. I told Bill once, that in the afterlife, we will most like be held in front of a park bench while everyone we ever cut on gets their payback.
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The Maine Coon is descended from the pairings of local short-haired domestic cats and long-haired breeds brought overseas by English seafarers (possibly by Captain Charles Coon) or 11th-century Vikings. The connection to the Vikings is seen in the strong resemblance of the Maine Coon to the Norwegian Forest Cat, another breed which is said to be a descendant of cats that traveled with the Vikings.
Thats just so cool!
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Jerry in WV can back me up on these. These are street people that we nicknamed when we worked together at “that other place”.
POWDERHEAD – Some mother of the American Revolution (read-old) who used to wonder the streets of Charleston during lunch hour, face covered, I mean COVERED with baby powder. Still laugh thinking about her. She’s probably been fertilizer for years now, God bless her soul.
FAR SIDE – retarded man (real name Jimmy) who wondered the streets also. Looked just like a Far Side character. Used to go into the lobby of the bank building we worked in, drink up an entire pot of free coffee, then commence to beat himself up (used to smack the hell out of himself). Once saw him trip over a curb and go face-first into a row of bushes. Had to throw my underwear away after that incident.
THE COMMANDER – another street person, who appeared to be cracked out, would walk down the street with absolutely no expression, smoke cigarettes down PAST the smoking part and just drop it out of his hand (normally onto our feet as we sat on the street benches at lunch time).
APE BOY – An African-American fellow who looked like a real gorilla. He once thought I was talking about him as me and Jerry were walking to lunch and shoved me – a very dangerous thing to do, even if you are grape ape.
APPLE DOLL HEAD (aka ADH) – A woman me and Jerry worked with, who’s face was so sunken in, it appeared to be one of those dried up apple faces you see at craft shows.
BOUNCING KIZZY – A crack whore who used to walk the street all hyped up, walking real fast in a bouncing motion. She once came up to a group of us sitting on the benches and sat right down on top of one of my co-workers leg. Freaked him the F OUT !!!
Jerry, help me out with more. I’m out !
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LOL!! Jerry, man you beat me to it, but at least I have captions for each.
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Point Blank Frank
B/C his wife caught him chatting online with another woman and held him at gunpoint during interrogation.
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“Not the Pillowcase Changer” AWG i just yelped out loud. too damn funny.
at my old job, there was a guy with really bad hair plugs. a fellow coworker nicknamed him “basement doll head”.
i have all the episodes of firefly. i don’t own a lot of dvds.
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Oops almost forgot “Taco Bender”
Co-worker that is from Peru, but looks hispanic, as in Mexican. So we give him s hit about being illegal.
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ROBOCOP – looked exactly like “Murphy” from the movies.
MR. SPEED SKATER – worked somewhere downtown, but when he walked, one arm always went behind his back. I thought we had Eric Heiden working amongst us.
SASQUATCH – A guy who would walk around town during the summer at lunch, no shirt on and literally had the Everglades on his back. You’d need a fan boat to get through that shit.
MR. 57 (not really his name, just what he was known for) – Came up to us at lunch and told one of my co-workers he was going to stab him in the face 57 times. We simply called the cops and they picked that nutcase up in a paddy-wagon soon after. There was an independent living place right in the middle of town, so we had some of the BEST street people ever!
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lee harvey – thanks, i was wondering what a maine coon was earlier today….
metten – janice was based on janis joplin. she wasn’t slutty, just strung out ll the time.
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MAN!!!!!!!! I am laughing my ass off. I had forgotten about RoboCop, AKA Murphy!!!
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A couple more from work- “Jesus’s Brother” ( “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” “Because he’s the Messiah!!!”) Danica Patrick (wheelchair bound) and a bald Brazilian Guy- that’s right, “Brazilian Wax”.
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Another of Toney’s greatest hits: “Flashy Trash.”
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nicknames:
Space Chic (stoned or tripping or both 100% of the time all 4 years of college)
Stymie (looks like a pig sty)
Igor (one leg shorter than the other, walks like igor)
Grubber (doesn’t like showers)
Beetle Bailey (any one with a last name Bailey gets that as a nick name)
Round Boy (looks like he’s pregnant)
Peg Eye (has glass eye)
DVD’s:
Get Smart
Barney Miller
F-Troop
I don’t own an ipod.
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Forgot one nickname: Brucebag – Bruce the douchebag who lives next door.
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The Husband has all of the Seinfeld DVDs.
Nicknames… I don’t remeber giving them out in high school, but I certainly do now. Probably because I am much meaner now than i was then. The best will always be Mr. Burns, my boss. But I have plenty more. None of them are nice.
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Firefly, Space: Above and Beyond, Cowboy Bebop, Inuyasha, The Boondocks, Clone Wars and Star Wars.
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“Ah High school”: Sugar Daddy (a diabetic) Scabby Gagoo(suffered from Exema) Golliwog(the only black guy in school) Mussolippi(a kid with a harelip) Dumbo(captain of the football team) slutty whorebag(the football captain’s girlfriend) I have just realized I am going to Hell:) Full st DVD’s: Red Dwarf,The Prisoner,Dr.Who and Band of Brothers! Finally conversation overheard at work:”How can we keep the Oompa Loompah’s happy? I know! lets bring in four slushy machines & wait for the rainbow poop”
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Dvd’s of tv shows:
Chappelle’s Show
Torchwood
Doctor Who (only the newest seasons)
When my best friend talks about the guys he’s dating, he always uses nicknames – usually pertaining to how he found them: craigslist guy, okcupid guy, gay harmony guy. And then there’s smooth chest guy, rocker dude, and who knows how many others. When he actually uses a real name, I never know who he’s talking about.
Best nickname ever – best friend’s ex-boyfriend came up with this one for my ex-boyfriend who was born with no arms below the elbow:
Penis DeMilo
He really could be a dick at times.
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Nicknames were dangerous at my school. You could get your ass kicked just thinking about it. Mostly the teachers had nicknames like Chester the molester, Hook nose and Strawberry face.
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rainbow poop. ha hah ha
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NDfaninAZ – did you ever ask him to see if he could stump you?
Sorry, that wuz bad.
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Nicknames are a staple in my house, and I’ve bestowed 1000’s on everyone from dear friends to complete strangers, but the person who has suffered the most is my sister-in-law. Here is a sample of what she’s had to endure since 1989:
Lump
McNugget
Stimpy
Lumpy
Stumpy
Piggy Pumpkin
Pimple
Stump with a Plump Rump
Stampy
Bludgeon
Rainha dos Porcos (Portuguese for Queen of the Pigs)
Pig Bludgeon
Sludge
Stinky Nipplemyer
Mc Nougat
Sludgeon
Offende
Tumor Tits (During a breast cancer scare. For the record I really feel bad about this one)
Stimp
Oompa Loompa
Zitster
Zitster in Law
Mon Petit Tas de Merde (French for “My Little Shit Stain”)
Ugly Bag of Mostly Water
Coprophile (it means feces loving)
There are lots more, but I think I’ve made my point.
I own a couple of seasons of the Kids in the Hall and Red Dwarf. The wife has a lot of Law and Order.
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OMG…this is too f’n funny! Check back later wit my nicknames!!
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TV on DVD;
Adam-12. Season 3 to be released this fall.
On The Buses.
On the nickname front, theres only one right now. ‘LR’ for little retard.
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I have all DVD’s of these shows:
King of the Hill (except current)
Arrested Development (Burned from Netflix)
Lost
The Office (US)
Freaks and Geeks
I was going to get Deadwood, but I’m DVR-ing them off of DirecTV channel 101. The first season just started.
More:
Best tat ever: http://www.afrojacks.com/pics/4-pics/3177-golden-girls-tat
A Trap!: http://halfdillo.blogspot.com/2009/06/it-be-trap.html
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Puns, but smart ones: http://halfdillo.blogspot.com/2009/06/punny.html
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Don’t own any TV shows on DVD aside from Firefly / Serenity.
Nicknames – A ticket straight to hell. Here goes….
1. Ham Hocks is a guy with gigantic thighs.
2, Loppy (as in lop-sided) is a girl I used to know who had one breast noticeably larger than the other.
3. KIA (pronounced just like the car) is short for Know-It-All, a woman I used to work with.
4. Halfway to Gay is a former co-worker who was in the closet and married a woman despite being able to name the designer of any shoe on the market. (His family calls him Halfway to Gay too, so I felt justified in doing the same.)
5. Janice is a woman who had a bad face lift a la Janice Dickinson.
6. Chaka (Khan) is a woman with wild, uncontrolled hair.
7. Snaggletooth
8. Winnie (whinny) – a woman with a very long (horse) face.
9. Piglet – a chubby kid I know. This is actually a term of endearment because my grandparents raised pigs and I loved watching the babies.
10. Fish Eyes
If it helps mitigate my wickedness, you should know that I sometimes refer to myself as Petunia because I think my legs look like Petunia Pig’s, esp. when I’m wearing black heels.
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My father sometimes calls me The Amazon
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Pepe (le Pew) – a woman who always had the reverse skunk hairdo because couldn’t manage to get her roots done on a regular basis.
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I see Red Dwarf is a fav out there, It’s on my list after I get Dr Who all caught up.
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@ Brynhildr – your giving me full body shivers, Amazon, black heels. Damn, I’m gonna need a cold shower in a minute.
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Arrested Development
Monte Python
Seinfeld
Names!
Lumbricoid, Anita Handjob, Apple Doll, Emo Fitapaldi, Hoover, Lippy Jones, No-Neck Nelson – damn! My yearbooks are already packed to move – there’s gold in there, gold, Jerry!
Happy Thursday, Surfers!
Michael Schenker tonight! With Gary Barden! Whoo-Hoo!
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My brother and I used to nickname people at church. Nixon and Mrs. Point (pointy face) are the only ones I remember.
I was watching The Real Housewives of NJ for the first time the other day, and had to refer to them by nicknames (Eyebrows, Low Forehead, Fake Nose, etc.) when talking to my friend.
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NDfan – I used to date a man born without hands (arms went to his wrist). Never called him anything mean except Asshole, though Penis deMilo is really, really good.
Just for the record, there are, uh, “advantages” to dating a man without hands. Think about it.
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I’m in grad school, and we have all kinds of professor nicknames.
“Killer”- from her initials, KLR. I called her that to her face all the time; she loved it.
“Kipper”- also from initials, Dr. K-P. You couldn’t pay any of us enough to call him that to his face, even though he’s retired now.
“The Wonder Twins” – a married couple that wrote a book together. The book has gotten great reviews and even won an award from our professional organization, but I think all of us that have read it weren’t that impressed.
“Lord Farquad”- a professor who masks his minuscule self-esteem with a massive ego. It works on so many levels, including that Farquad sounds like Fuckwad.
“The Wicked Witch of the West and her Flying Monkey” – a pair of professors with whom I will never, ever work again
“Methuselah” – formerly the oldest serving prof at the university, now mercifully retired. He flew planes in WWII, I shit you not. I was stuck as his GA all through my master’s degree.
“Gollum”- a creepy old adjunct
“Cuntarella” – the dean’s bitchy, self-important secretary. We used to be able to eat lunch in the teacher’s lounge, but Cuntarella is next door and she can’t handle the sounds of mirth, joy and friendship.
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@ Shiny Rod:
I’d like to get back into Dr. Who, I really would, but to me Tom Baker is Dr. Who. Every time I watch an episode with someone else I begin to rage. Jon Pertwee actually looked like my grandmother, so I think it all started with him.
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Nicknames:
Stump
High Pockets
Beef Lips
Grew-High
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I’m seriously trying to talk my husband into getting the same tatt. He has the same toes only not so neat and cute. I’ve always been a little creeped by the lack of separation–now I’ll just be fixated on dashed lines and little scissors. Maybe I could draw them on with a Sharpie.
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WTF? I didn’t know there were that many men without hands out there. And advantages to dating them? Awesome.
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This one might go down in the record books of the top ten worst days at work, ever. If someone should be so inclined to keep such a record book. I bet their job would be better than mine, and pay better too.
I ran out of cigarettes an hour ago. I still have to finish off the day, get in my car, sans cigarette, get my offspring and go home and count change before I can get to one. I might dig one out of the ashtray at home the minute I walk in, though. I have just the one in mind, if I wasn’t diligent enough to empty the ashtray last night. Then I might have to add dumpster-diving to my list of demeaning activities for the day. The list will look something like this:
1. bend over and take it in the ass on my paycheck.
2. change the toilet paper roll, again, because apparently I’m the only one in the office that knows how to do it.
3. commit misdemeanor worthless check writing to pay cell phone bill, only to have cell phone die minutes later, making it pointless.
4. stuff face with 3 different kinds of cake – chocolate, carrot and cheesecake, out of frustration and lack of nicotine.
5. consider sticking finger down throat but then think of the mass quantity of co-worker ass that my face would be dangerously in the vicinity of (certain co-workers in particular make the decision to just absorb the calories an easy one)
6. annihilate wasp that hitched a ride on my shirt halfway across office before nonchalantly cruising around my head as if my sole purpose for living is to provide transportation and entertainment for him.
7. congratulate completely worthless underling co-worker on his raise, even though he spends at most 45 minutes each day doing real work and the rest of the time learning sign-language, reading up about sharks, and listening to elevator music.
I think that’s enough self-loathing for now. I’ve killed 10 minutes writing this post, at least. It’s 5:00, time to fucking go home.
oh yeah, I own Arrested Development on DVD and that’s it.
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Oh, we referred to my college roommate freshman year as Pearl (Necklace).
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There was a guy in high school who lost a testicle due to cancer, hence:
Joey One-nut.
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Tyrosine: you arrived late in the game! My favourite Dr. was Peter Cushing in the 2 movies let alone the T.V. Doctors:First Doctor William Hartnell 1963–1966[42]
Second Doctor Patrick Troughton 1966–1969[42]
Third Doctor Jon Pertwee 1970–1974[42]
Fourth Doctor Tom Baker 1974–1981[42]
Fifth Doctor Peter Davison 1981–1984[42]
Sixth Doctor Colin Baker 1984–1986
Seventh Doctor Sylvester McCoy 1987–1989, 1996[43]
Eighth Doctor Paul McGann 1996
Ninth Doctor Christopher Eccleston 2005
Tenth Doctor David Tennant 2005–2010[8
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@Bill in WV – refer to Brynhildr’s comment above.
Although his stumps were thicker than Brynhildr’s ex’s (elbow, compared to wrist) – so not conducive to stumping. Although, with enough lube, suppose anything’s possible….
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That is the geekiest thing I have ever posted! I feel (and look!) like comic book guy!!
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Not enough lube in the world for elbow.
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Ring=Ding….guy who was playing with himself in the tub and got a ring stuck on his dick. It wouldn’t come off and he had to go to the hospital to get it (the ring) cut off. It happened in 10th grade…Junior and Senior year were hell for that kid.
Leuky….real tall skinny kid in college…walked hunched over…we thought he kight have leukemia.
Balony Legs…girl with heavy legs.
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@Brynhildr – that’s why I never tried it, but apparently he’s done it to other women. I would think sex after something like that would be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
The comments are now in the gutter, and it’s all Bill in WV’s fault =O
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@ Pagan:
I’m “aware” of the other actors who attempt to portray the Dr., however I stand by my belief that Tom Baker was the best. In fact I began watching during Pertwee’s tenure, however he always creeped me out: I think it’s because he somehow stole Bea Arthur’s hair.
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@ kristin I was 4 when that show was cancelled and that muppet looks nothing like Janis Joplin. How was I supposed to know? Also, are you the same kristin that’s always correcting my spelling and grammar?
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@Brynhildr:
“Not enough lube in the world for elbow.”
Oh, you’d be wrong about that:
(Warning! NSFW, the squeamish, or the easily offended)
http://www.crazyshit.com/site/pics/images/031808_crisco_fisting.jpg
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GODDAMMIT
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From high school: High Hair Ho, The Chinless Wonder
From the rest of my so-called adulthood: Asshead, Hick Family, The Cop and Cop Wife, The Mullet Five, The Squater, Nervous Nelly, Nice Rack Girl, Brickney….
There are a lot of others which I don’t recall at present. My favorite is “The Mullet Five”. That constituted five guys who got together at my neighbor’s to attempt death metal and such. They all had mullets, some more extreme than the others, which they each flipped menacingly as they headed into the house.
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I was out mowing the grass a little while ago, and a kid walked past that I’d previously dubbed “Puddin’ on the Roof.” It’s a long story…
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NDfan – The link provided by Tyrosine officially puts us in the gutter. Incomprehensible. I prefer to believe in Photoshop.
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@Brynhildr – I’m still at work (I’ll check it out at home, even though I’ll wish I hadn’t), but by the name of the .jpg he’s linking to, this is beyond gutter…lol.
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@Jason – that’s damn funny.
No real nicknames come from me except for my X-husband and those are the norm so not worthy to repeat in an angry women syndrom style. Generally I might think of a nickname but will keep it in my head if it is not nice. Except for the meathead referal to guys who spend the day staring at themselves at the gym.
The only two videos I’ve ever owned were movies – Lost Boys and Austin Powers. I might buy Arrested Development though
Can’t quite see that picture of Andy. Is he having a poop?
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Oh, and speaking of Crisco – my friend is in Cisco training this week, and I keep asking him how his Crisco training is going. It makes for very good, and crude, jokes. Even more so because he’s gay.
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Seinfeld
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Chappelle’s Show
McHale’s Navy
Deadwood
Sopranos
Dexter
Band of Brothers
South Park
I have a co-worker we call Dell after Dell Griffith in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. He could be John Candy’s identical twin. He never ever shuts his trap. He just goes on and on about nothing and has even taken his shoes off in the office and rubbed his feet. I refuse to talk when he is around because anything will get him started and nothing will stop him. I’ve resorted to calling my work number with my cell just to get him to stop.
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Funny thing is….I thought Bill in WV’s comments were entirely innocent based on the common definition of “to stump” (as in to baffle or challenge).
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@Brynhildr – you’re right, but I have a filthy mind.
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Deadwood…who’da guessed…duh
Python (faves) movies but no TV stuff. Funny, funny from those guys on the sreies but I can’t deal with the lame British audio. I know it’s older stuff but even the ‘modern’ stuff sucks. I mean…I know it’s a different time zone but a decade zone too??
Nicknames…
Harriette (as you know) is Poop-Doggie-Dog…so I just call her Poop. There’s also a guy here in town I call “fuck head:” Does that count?
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Actually I did just think of a nickname I initiated. Used to have a boss in a retail store that was such a creepy slimeball. I nicknamed him ‘Og’ – short for Ogre – that stuck with him amongst us.
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Shiny Rod – since I may have misinterpreted Bill in WV’s comment, it occurred to me that your penchant for Amazons in black heels may mean you prefer trannies or drag queens. If that is the case, you should know that my girl parts are all OEM, not aftermarket.
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metten – i’m the only kristin on here that i know of (the other kristin is “other kristin”…) anyway, i may have posted a spelling correction here or there, but not _always_. i only do it to mock you.
and janice was just inspired by janis; you’re right, she doesn’t look like very much like her.
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So I gave up on giving nicknames for each person a long time ago, and now I just refer to everyone as….DUMBASS!!!
TV on DVD:
Family Guy
American Dad
Wonder Woman
Dinosaurs
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And for the sci-fi crowd: North Hills Spock, Mr. Planet of the Apes, and Ewok Lover.
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At our old neighborhood, the Evil Twin and I had neighbors dubbed The Nut-Nuts, Caveman and “the Albino Kid’s Dad”. At our current house, we have neighbors we call Momma and Poppa Roach (you never see them outside) and one guy we called Dimebag. We thought he was dealing weed, but later found out he was cooking meth over there (the house was foreclosed on).
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Oh, I forgot my husband’s current bitch of a bull dyke boss. We call her “The Shman”.
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Nicknames:
Storkboy (real tall kid)
Breezy (chronically flatulent girl)
DonHo (guy who favored loud Hawaiian shirts)
Lunchbucket (Don’t remember why)
Mouse (kid looked like a mouse)
Turtle (guy who reportedly had infantile genitalia)
The Reverend (Obnoxious religious kid)
Catfucker Jones (don’t ask)
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I had one classmate in high school who we called Spaceman; he had a Stevie Wonder look about him, always smiling and looking up into the sky. I don’t think he was actually retarded, but he was likely some sort of SpEd.
I’m kind of warming up to this “one size fits all” approach to nicknames. Right now I’m leaning towards “Fuckstick”. You have to admit, it’s widely applicable.
TV shows on DVD, only Connections and Ascent of Man. The GF has the Muppet Show.
And Tyrosine, you are right on the money: Tom Baker, accept no substitutes.
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I am @ndfaninaz ‘s best friend. Yes, we give everyone nicknames.
The one I’ll never forget though, requires a hair of backstory.
I’ve known NDFanInAZ for 15 years now. We met in Indiana – anyway, one time we decided to grab breakfast at steak and shake (a chain up there) and our waitress, I kid you not, had the worst case of dog face I’ve ever seen. and I mean that LITERALLY. She looked like Droopy Dawg. we called her “dog faced girl”. That probably still has to be one of my faves yet.
And all the ones that she listed above actually DO refer to real people that I’ve dated / dating.
Total side-note – that pic is from an actual gay porn movie called Centurians of Rome…. And its a real scene – no photoshop there. And the sad part is I’ve seen worse :-/
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Almost forgot: @Greg, thanks for the link. I do love me some Perry Bible Fellowship. It’s such a shame that Nick stopped doing them.
So, as long as we’re posting links with “crisco” in them, we all need to see this: http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF207-Gingerbread_Man.jpg
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So far, I’ve only managed every season of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’. I just recently completed the set!
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Nicknames from my past:
Drunk Man
Roo Lady
The Flanders’
Stare Lady
Pop Bottle Man
Captain Caveman
Spit Monster
Crazy George
Dirty D
Gopher
Slapjaw
Shoeless
Uncle Jindo
Smokin’ Tokin’ Strokin’ Jokin’ Benolken from Hoboken
The Sock
Smoothie
Mouse
Hamhock
Tweety
Prince Marky B
Spit Dismal (alternate: Spish Dizwall)
The only complete TV series I have on DVD now are Strangers With Candy, Rex The Runt, The Outer Limits (orig), The Young Ones, and first two seasons of Dexter. Back when I collected VHS I was full-on nerd with complete seasons of Star Trek and TNG and only a few episodes shy of a complete Trek Voyager; Planet of the Apes, Lost In Space, Night Gallery, etc.,
Knucklehead: Please give us a full report on the Schenker show when you get back! Whoo Hooo!
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On DVD:
Larry Sanders Show 1st Season
Red Dwarf seasons 1 and 2
The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin Seasons 1 and 2
The Prisoner (all 18 episodes)
Chalk up another big Tom Baker fan.
Nicknames from High School:
Reeky Squitters
Plook
Flatface
TT (test tube, for the shape of his head)
Spock, for a guy who had one pointy ear
Dud-Fud
Todge
The Embryonic Man (guy with a way too big head, like a fetus)
Trashby
Trout
Futtock
Chaps
Set the WABAC machine, Sherman…
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Nicknames:
“Handsome” was my grandmother’s stepmother (my great-grandfather had to remarry after my great-grandmother was knocked off the williamsburg bridge by a trolley). She looked like dan akroyd in a dress… they had two kids together too…
“Lobster Girl” was a girl that my niece went to highschool with in the 90′s. She had a skin problem. was all red and couldn’t bathe.. so she smelled like rancid lobster too.
“slutty mcGhee” …
“Cancer Boy” is this dude who looks like a paler version of michael stipe. shaves his lumpy white head and is super skinny. He’s 35, and tries to date highschool girls. So I kinda hope he does get cancer.
As for DVDs?
Babylon5, Farscape, Firefly & Serenity, Earth2 (sucks soooo much), Arrested Development, Pete & Pete, Invader Zim, Due South
and a bunch of Anime.
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@BrienBear:
Those are some dammed accommodating centurions! I wonder if Crisco paid for that product placement?
That photo ranks right up there with Goatsee and Tubgirl! Now that I know the source I’m going to have to find a video clip of that and set my boss’s browser to automatically load it whenever he opens Firefox.
If anyone is interested (I’m looking your way Jason) here’s the IMDB link:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0285474/
It currently has an 8.1/10 viewer rating and its popularity is up 7% this week for some reason.
On a side note, the producers of the movie misspelled centurions, not BrienBear.
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oh! I also forgot:
“Bobby’s World” (is a girl with a GIIIiiIIIiIANT head),
“Gay Jesus” is a gay dude who looks. like. jesus.
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@Tyrosine
I think I love you for doing THAT much research. Seriously.
Marry me now or lose me forever!
In all seriousness – that movie is actually considered a gay porn “classic”. I kid you not.
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Ann Don’t Cry – Pavement
Why Did You Land? – Guided by Voices
The Chase – Junior Brown
Muzorewi’s Daughter – The Fall
Icarus Smicarus – McLusky
Revelator – Gillian Welch
Venice USA – Van Morrison
I Don’t Wanna Talk About It – Everything But The Girl
Chocky – Mogwai
Tonight Matthew I’m Going to be with Jesus – Half Man Half Biscuit
Sweeter Than Anything – Bonnie Prince Billy/PJ Harvey
The Winter Cows – Guided by Voices
You Can’t Say No forever – Go Betweens
Night Walks – Black Mountain
That Look You give That Guy – Eels
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@ Brynhildr – Nope, just got thing for tall ful figured women who know how to dress. Damn , this water is cold.
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@Tyrosine – Not my ideal of a sausage feast!!!
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I’ve got all the episodes of ‘Sifl & Olly’ and ‘MST3K’.
No nicknames but I’ll play the iPod game again:
1. Cake – The Distance
2. Collective Soul – Simple
3. Blind Melon – Tones Of Home
4. Primus from ‘Beavis & Butthead’ – Poetry and Prose
5. Blur – Song 2
6. Alan Parsons Project – Psychobabble
7. Divinyls – Boys In Town
8. Megadeth – Swetting Bullets
9. 311 – Beautiful Disaster
10. The Philisteens – Elephant Head
11. Blues Brothers (doing Booker T & the MG’s) – Green Onions
12. Rodney Carrington – The Man Song (reminds me of my brother-in-law)
13. Puddle Of Mud – She Hates Me
14. Thomas Dolby – Hyperactive!
15. Joe Walsh – ILBT’s
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@Tyrosine – Matter of fact, I would rather be fishing for opies in the Bering Sea than even have that in my vision.
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@DTO – there lots of guys in everytown called fuckhead most of them don’t answer to it politely though.
A name story – I was on the local metro once and a couple of kids starting talking to another kid and very seriously asked him ‘ You’re Dang’s brother aren’t you?’ I almost fell off my seat.
That’s the greatest name I’ve ever heard for a kid.
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2 BrienBear:
Don’t go to water on me here, it was just a Google search. I’m still amazed that IMDB keeps records of porn flicks, and even more surprised when you find actors that have done both legit movies and porn.
Here’s a bit of trivia for everyone: The kid who played Flick in A Christmas Story (Scott Schwartz) did some porno flicks a few years back. Bet ya didn’t expect to see that when he was tonguing that rusty pole back in ’83.
I’ll have to take a pass on your proposal, my wife would get all pissy and I don’t need that crap. Living with her is hard enough as it is.
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@ Shiny Rod:
“I would rather be fishing for opies in the Bering Sea than even have that in my vision”
Then my work here is done.
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Complete series:
The Wire
Firefly
Veronica Mars
Band of Brothers
The Pee Wee Herman Show
The Adventures of Pete and Pete (minus Season 3, which has yet to be released)
The Young Ones
The Office (UK version)
Spaced.
Partial series:
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Homicide: Life On The Streets
The Kids In The Hall
Jazz Casual
Saturday Night Live (but I only wanted Seasons 1-4)
Six Feet Under
Friday Night Lights
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I have nicknames for almost everyone I know.
There’s Moana and Pedi next door to me. Then there’s Tonto and the Lone Ranger..(he wears a white cowboy hat all the time so one day I happened to ask her, “Does that make you Tonto?”..she wasn’t impressed)
There’s Butt Butt..Delusional Mama, the Beericksons…Gaylen the Dead, Helly…gosh…there are too many to name here.
DVD’s…
The Looney Tunes
‘The Carol Burnett show
Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Allo Allo
Lovejoy
Band of Brothers
Dr.Who
I like the Ipod game too. It’s interesting to see what everyone listens to.
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Jeff, what happened to “Hurled the guy in the river”, and “Opec”?
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Tammie: Lovejoy was filmed in the village where I grew up! They also filmed a series about Inspector Dalgleish in the same area! also a god awful film with Al Pacino called Revolution we went down to watch them filming Al is about 5 foot tall:)
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Fitzforeskin was his nickname. His real name was Fitzgerald, but we swore he had facial reconstructive surgery done with a foreskin transplant.
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Hmmm… All the shows I have are still in production so I don’t know if they count, BUT…
Simpsons
House
Grey’s Anatomy
Futurama (Picked up for another 29 eps!)
I only have the “good” seasons of other shows.
We used to call a kid “Jabba the Hutt” because, well, he looked like it. And he had these random outbursts of rage – tried to stab a teacher with a pencil once because the teacher told him to keep up with the rest of the class on a field trip… He was…. Odd.
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another fast food vs. reality copycat:
http://www.uncoached.com/2009/05/27/fast-food-ad-pictures-vs-the-actual-product/
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Oooohhh. Carol burnett? Didn’t know it existed! Hope it has “Went with the Wind….”
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I’ve always been a fan of nicknames. Here are some current ones:
Passion fingers – (fucks up everything he touches)
Grim – (Graham the miserable bastard)
Dumper – (Took at crap in the middle of the engine room bays when he stayed on station(fire) one night after going out drinking)
Lobster – Shit for brains
Thrush – He’s an irritating c**t.
Astro – He’s been everything except an astronaut
6 Dicks – I forgot how he got this…..
T-Rex – the only way to get rid of her is to not move and don’t say anything. Hopefully she’ll move on.
Fatlyn – from her brother instead of Kaitlyn
Jessticles – again form her brother instead of Jess
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Here’s an update I did while getting paid…According to Jeff’s words yesterday, I don’t think we are getting a Friday update this week. So a short update is better than nothing, right? And a poorly done update by someone else is worse than a short update, but better than nothing, right? And eating your own feces is better than starving to death, right? So read on, if you feel like it.
Tasers , overeating and America’s Wang
June 12, 2009
Did anyone see the video of the 72 year old woman being tasered by the cop that pulled her over? I couldn’t stop laughing. Is that wrong? I know I have a sadistic side that needs to be repressed quite often (i.e. the face transplant woman looks like Grimace from McDonald’s, the change I can believe in looks like Curious George, going green is just a way to line the pockets of Al Gore, global warming is a myth) but sometimes I just can’t hold back. My co-workers tend to think I am bordering on insanity and my wife just thinks I am an incurable jerk. But here I pose the question: If you could taser any five people in the world without be retaliated upon, who would it be?
1 Michael Vick (cause he will make millions again one day)
2. Kobe the rapist (cause the Magic need a little help)
3. Scott Stapp (no need for explanation, you know what you did, Scott)
4. Jim Belushi (thank God that fucking awful show finally died)
5. Linda Hogan (cause I had to include a female, even though she barely qualifies)
(Bonus taser)- That Sham-Wow guy.
Feel free to post your top five in the comments section.
Is a large pizza too much to eat for lunch? How about 5 Big Macs? How about 8 beef and cheese burritos? I find myself going to these extremes five days a week. Tell me about the heart attack I may have soon in the comments section.
How’s the Swine Flu epidemic going? Know anyone that has it? If so, tell us how you are ignoring them in the comments section.
I think Bob Hope was trying to speak to me in a dream last night, but I couldn’t understand him because he was speaking in Spanish. I may have been in Florida too long. Governor Tan in a Can is taxing the shit out of us every couple months. Cigarettes, which went up over a dollar a pack are getting another dollar added. Those little stickers to renew your license plate are going up. Countless other things. This guy’s goal is to be the first openly gay president. His beard of a wife and he spent a lot of tax dollar to travel Europe for a vacation. Don’t move here if you are thinking about it. If I had the money, I would pack up and leave tomorrow. Do you have any I hate Florida stories..if so, use the comments section and tell us about it won’t you?
Does anyone understand the David Carradine thing? I know about the neck part, but still don’t get how it would enhance the self gratification experience, but what about the rope around his junk? Please enlighten me in the comments section, won’t you? Blow off working today. It’s Fuck Around At Work Friday. Let’s set a record for the comments section.
Sorry , best I could do today before the anxiety starts kicking in.
Did you know- the winter of 1932 was so cold, Niagara Falls froze solid?
On IPOD right now- “Head On- The Jesus and Mary Chain
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This has been one of the best “laugh out loud” comment pages to date!
@ Brandy….I hope you have a better day today…. And an even better weekend…drink heavily! I recently had a bee use my tit as a playground . We were on the bike and a bee, that my boyfriend dodged, hit my chest and fell down the low cut top I had on. It preceded to ricochet off my boob and my top giving me several stings. Little bastard.
My late husband was the absolute best at handing out nicknames. God forbid you did something stupid in his presence cause you were branded forever.
Uni-baller (friend with one nut);
Powder (dude who always wore a powder blue out- fit that matched his crotch-rocket);
Tito Bandito ( a bandana-wearing friend who is never seen without it);
Popeye (a chick in our local bar who, when trashed, only has one eye open);
Blue (friend with gray hair)
Sheets (dude who wore a matching striped
short/shirt set that looked like bed sheets);
Crowbar (friend who got lumped up by a guy weilding a, well, crowbar);
Spartigus (dude with a hairline like a roman helmet);
Buckeye (some chick who admitted she likes the ol’ bum-luvin);
Slide (guy who won’t take his underware off to have sex, just “slides” them over)……and that’s just a few of the top of my head.
I was “BB” in highschool….Big Boobs…and in the early days,before braces……. Beaver because of my buck-teeth. I could have eaten an apple thru a tennis racket.
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OH! Thanks, AngryWhiteGuy, for reminding me of the best nick name of all…..David Carradine…..Hung Fu!
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I don’t have HBO, but on the day they would release the next season of Deadwood on DVD, I was there. Also from HBO, Carnival. A shame that this series was cancelled before they could bring it to a proper conclusion. Also have every episode of Jonny Quest.
Nicknames:
Porky
Piggy
Fatso Jimmy
Fatso Lisa (clever weren’t we?)
Larr The Pear
Spock
AngryWhiteGuy-
The tasered 72 year old woman had it coming to her. She was given about nine chances to comply with the officer, but chose to be an obnoxious ass-clown. I’m tired of these self-centered, crabass seniors that think they get to abide by a separate set of rules and standards.
It is especially satisfying to watch the entire video when you know what’s coming. You’re thinking, “Keep on flappin’ your lips sister.” And when she finally gets tased, all that hooping and hollering she makes…priceless.
As far as a specific list of people I’d like to taser, let’s just say anyone who abuses a child or domestic pet (dog or cat) gets the full-tilt, turn it up to 11, taser treatment. I have no use for these people.
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“What are you doin this weekend?”
“Not much. Maybe some yard work, drink some beer.”
“How bout you?”
“The same.”
“Hey, you wanna come over later and put your arm in my ass?”
“I thought you’d never ask. Mind if I wear my Halloween outfit?”
“I guess that’ll be okay. What kinda outfit is it?”
“It’s a Richard Nixon mask and a sundress.”
“Perfect.”
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@ AngryWhiteGuy – I would have to remove the Shamwow guy since he has gone through a rough patch due to cancer. Instead, how about Billy Mays…
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@ bikerchick – and the boyfriend didn’t man up and suck the poison out? What a whimp he was…
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Didn’t know about the cancer. Knew about the hooker clamping down on his tongue incident. Billy Mays is a good substitute. I hate him yelling at me. As well as that money guy from MSNBC that Jon Stewart called out.
DId you know- today is Fuck Around At Work Friday?
IPOD right now- March of the Pigs- Nine Inch Nails
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@ Brynhildr
Janice Dickinson – thanks for clearing that up for me as to who she is. I saw a show with her on it and read she is a previous supermodel. She and Michael Jackson must have the same surgeon…. Ewwww.
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@ Shiny Rod – OOOOH YEAH…but he waited til the were good and SWOLLEN! …..heh heh
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We are getting so un-PG…
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HA! And it’s not my fault cause I’m being good!
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Well as long as we’re filling in the blanks as Jeff isn’t posting today, here’s a further evidence link for today:
https://dalidecals.com/?cat=23
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@ Gretchen – that puts a new spin on toilet humor….
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@Shiny Rod: I knoooow! It fits right in. I’m not sure what my favorite is, the grenade or the nuclear explosion.
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@ AngryWhiteGuy – watch this weeks issue “Grater Education” of Pitchmen. They are helping the shamwow guy get back in the saddle after his bout with cancer. The show answers the question of whether they test those products you see them promote. I am not having any success with the TopsTurvy thingy…
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@ Gretchen and Tammie – maybe they have one that scares the cat away….
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AWG – your super hilarious but I don’t think I could hang with you at those kinda lunches. I’m so bad with food – I tried to watch that David Hassolhoff druck’n Sloff a burger off the floor video once and started heaving….
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Have a bestest buddy named Fred…I call him Derf.
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Thanks, Leanne. That’s why no one will go to lunch with me. Hasselhoff is a douche in a major way. I could only go to lunch with him if he paid.
Did you know- The average person’s left hand does 56 percent of typing?
On IPOD right now- “Blind”- KORN
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One! Two! One, Two, Three, Awwwwwww!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91WgM6dNLTE
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Is 136 the limit on comments? The past two have not posted.
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OK, maybe I had some kind of illegal URL in there. Or an unauthorized one. Anyway, Shiny Rod, i saw on the website where those guys were helping Chef Jeremy out, but not Sham-Wow dude. Just google “grater education” and you will see what I am talking about.
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AWG – only 5 people and without repercussion? And Big Brother will not come knocking on my door to haul me away for threatening someone. (Disclaimer: I have no intention of actually tasing anyone.)
The list would change from hour to hour, but at the moment….
1. Certain members of the GOP, in particular those whose last names rhyme with weenie, stove, and hailin’ – any one of the three will do for right now.
2. Janine Sugawara – the woman who sued the makers of Cap’n Crunch claiming that she thought crunchberries were actually fruit.
3. Maury Povich – because I’m convinced his paternity test shows only encourage the dregs of society to reproduce simply so that they can get on TV and hopefully be “discovered”.
4. Conan O’Brien – for being tragically un-funny.
5. My soon-to-be former brother-in-law because he’s so ridiculously mentally challenged that the shock just might do him some good.
Bonus Tase: Tyrosine – for planting some horrific images into my brain that are now taking up valuable space in my mental RAM.
The 72-year-old woman deserved what she got. Age does not give you license to be a nasty piece of work. Give that cop a raise.
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Agreed a bonus taser for Tyrosine.
Florida stories… was there 6 or 7 times – but not for a long time now. Freaks!!! Had a perverted great uncle there in a seniors trailer park. They were afraid to go outside the gates. Remember playing shuffleboard with him and a cute little frog jumped across it. He stepped on it like it was a bug. Bahh!!! He was half blind & deaf driving us around Miami – no need to go on a rollercoaster after that.
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How about tasing the lying bitch Nancy Pelosi.
The big fag Barney Frank .
Are my pockets full yet Chris Dodd.
Our beautiful and very well dressed first lady she is the fucking racist in this group.
and just for tonight Chris Osgood,
GO PENS!!!
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We had a few made-up names for people in high school. Tickturd (a friend of ours who was just a shade over 5′ tall), Butthugger (a guy who used to walk all hunched over), Plumsmuggler (a young man very fond of form-fitting jeans), Jabber Jaw (a girl with a HUGE underbite), Chins Aplenty (a very large girl)and Cooter Cockscratcher (some redneck guy we were friends with).
Yay! Putting physical maladies on public display, makin’ memories. Good times.
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The disgusting chick I used to work with – The Wonky-Eyed Beast.
The retarded man who walks by the office every day to go buy his hooch – Big Wave.
The horse-faced hairdresser down the street who dresses like a hooker – Mr. Ed.
As for the iPod, here goes:
The Safety Dance – Men Without Hats
Blues From a Gun – Sugar Ray
Since You’re Gone – The Cars
Little Latin Lupe Lu – The Righteous Brothers
Pencil Thin Moustache – Jimmy Buffett
The Garden of Allah – Don Henley
Fake It – Seether
Heartache Tonight -The Eagles
Trippin Billies – The Dave Matthews Band
Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo – Rick Derringer
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On DVD, only Firefly and Veronica Mars. I’m too cheap to shell out for most shows.
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Nicknames from my past and present:
PSYCHO MAN: This fella walked in the park near my house daily. No shirt, just shorts, wearing sunglasses like the uni-bomber. He never spoke to anyone. Never smiled. Just walked walked walked. I feared him and thus, came up with above name.
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE: This girl is a bar tender at our local watering hole. We come and all smiles, belly up to the bar and say a quick HI! and while she converses a little, her face remains expressionless and her voice is mono-tone. I have never beared witness to her smile at ANYONE. How does she get any tips, I’ve often wondered.
THE LEERER: It’s a tough one to pronounce, indeed. This creature is mightly strange. Another park-walker, who doesn’t wear a shirt and only a pair of shorts and sun-glasses. When a woman drives by in a car, he leers at her and follows the car with his head, turning 180 degrees to watch the car drive by and away. Then on to the next woman. He’s even crouched down to peer in my small car as I’ve driven by. Gives me the ibee geebies.
KERMIT: She was a girl from high school who, well, simply put, looked like Kermit-the-Frog. Big lips, big head, small body. Pretty much sums it up.
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Tasering:
I want to taser the “soda jerk” guy in the Verizon commercial. The commercial where that dude empties an entire container of sprinkles on his scoop of ice cream, and the dipshit says “you want whipped cream?”.
Hell, while I’m at it, I’ll taser the dude for making the mess on the counter and floor too!
Also, the superstitious guy from the “Chase picks up the tab” commercial. If I would’ve been the one hit with the salt he threw over his shoulder at the restaurant, he would have gotten more than a dirty look.
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TV DVD’s:
Friday Night Lights (my nod for best show ever)
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
The OC (guilty pleasure, mock away)
Nicknames:
Squirt
Turtle
Big Daddy Cheese
and I’ve slept with 4 girls named Jen so:
Stripper Jen (was an exotic dancer)
JJ (actual initials)
(Threesome) Jen and Melissa
Jen Four (who later started working at a KFC, gained weight and became JFC)
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@ AngryWhiteGuy – The website just shows a segment and they don’t even touch the show topic. You will have to watch the full show to see what happened to the Shamwow guy.
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Magoo: a walker in town with a huge lightbulb head
Space walker: a dude that walked the streets wearing a huge overcoat no matter how hot it was. It is rumored that he lost twenty bucks one day and watches the ground to see if he can find it
Chewie: a guy at work with huge upper body named after Chewbacca
Whymee: a guy named Bob Wymer that was a sad sack
Chickieboy: my Pomchi dog that acts all tough until another dog even attempts to touch him.
The Penguin: a guy at work with a big pot belly that is short and sort of waddles due to a bad knee.
Bhuela: a guy at work who was super effeminate
Flycatcher: an old lady who would fall asleep at meetings with her mouth all agape
The Tweeker: a boss who cannot sit still for one second all twitching and writhing in his chair a virtual skeleton of a man.
Toofless: a guy who makes almost 100 g’s a year yet only has one visible tooth left in his head.
Tits McGee: a chick with tits bigger than you ever thought was possible.
Hook or Hookdick a guy rumored to have a mighty curve you know where.
Stanley stooge: my x husband
We have a hillbilly friend who’s real name is BOY
OZ ED guess what he sells?
Jewwry a guy named Jerry that has a speech impediment
Shona balogna: a drunkass chick we know
Samiam or son of Sam: my son
Pete the poop dog: our dog that has to follow you to the bathroom every time
Jonny Dickhead my wonderful husband (he really IS a good guy!)
We have friend named Ed. he lost a lot of his hair real young. We sing a Michael Jackson song to him “Eddie’s using Rogaine Rogaine Rogaine Eddie. get it?
A crazy guy in the park who wears shorts all year round with his junk virtually spilling out! he may be 60 yrs old or 100? he goes by Cherokee Al. wears bells on his ankles to scare away the bad spirits. He used to go by Choo Choo Al when he scammed people out of their model train sets.His license plate reads HunkyAl SCARY GUY.
I was called “Deb the web snot tot tot” as a child WTF? there was no www back then. Also called Hoggmann instead of Hoffmann because I was a chub. My brother called me Pookie or WB (water buffalo) nice eh?
I guess that is enough. Nothing much to do. My husband went out in the boat while I was WORKING grrrr.
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My oldest brother used to call me Queen Cupcake when I was little.
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My nickname in Jr High was “Jason Jason Masturbation”. One time this bastard came into the rest room while I was finishing up a piss and said, “If you shake it more than 3 times you’re playing with it.” So I counted off about 10 shakes and he ran out telling everyone that I was in there pulling my chain.
I hope he’s in prison somewhere being sodomized at this very moment. Jason Jason Masturbation, fuck you Chris.
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Nimnunk
Nim nerd
Humpy-Bump
Troll-tard (aka Troll-turd) (ex-husband)
Pocket Pimple
Tally-Whacker
Lolly-goggle
Flap Backs
Pugly Uoop (my son)
Label (nickname by brother in law uses on me)
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There was DOG MEAT, the skanky ho my junior year. We used to throw hamburgers at her. I give everyone private names, POODLE HEAD, CHIN WHISKERS (for the love of god old lady tweeze those hairs!), CAT PISS PASS PROPRIETOR and the G’DAMMIT! LADY. Or they get Indian names. My sister was Runs-With-Scissors but she’s recently graduated to Maiden-Breaks-Bones-With-Stick. I’m Maiden-Thunder-Cat-Ho and our other sister is Corn-Chowder-Maiden.
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As a teacher I come up with nicknames for some of my students. The only one worth telling is this one.
Dick gazer – paid a kid $20 cash to see his dick in the bathroom.
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Did not do the nickname thing in high school, but sure did in College, in the fraternity. Three favorites (not necessarily developed by me):
Colonel Coin Collector
Satchel Man & Ball Boy
Ward Cleaver
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I’m a little late to the game on this one, but I’ve gotta add our TV show list (includes DVDs and computer files that we have stored on a machine affectionately called The Dump):
Strangers With Candy
Northern Exposure
Trailer Park Boys
Invader Zim
Futurama
Absolutely Fabulous
South Park
The Simpsons
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Dr. Who
My Name Is Earl
Ugly Betty
There’s probably more but those are all I can think of at the moment…
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Since this here conversation is still going…
People i would love to taze:
1) Hilary f’in Clinton
2) My boss, Mr. Burns
3) Michael Jackson (to see if he is really still alive, or a robot that kind of resembles him)
4) Paris Hilton (just to see if she pisses herself, because how sweet would that be?)
5) Michael Vick
One of my nicknames from Mr. Wally is “sea cow”, he says that the noise I make when i nag him reminds him of what he thinks a manatee would sound like. Nice, huh. It’s okay, I affectionately call him “the asshole”.
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They used to call my brother-in-law “Fuzz Nuts”. Don’t know why and don’t really want to Probaby had something to do with gym class.
Nancy up the street was called “Goat”…(nanny goat) and she was/ is a cutie regardless of what that name implys.
Her brother…Victor…was called Vicky (not gay). He eventually named his daughter Vickie.
My name…David..became Dabbit somehow and then became Rabbit and then.. just “Rab”.
I work off and on with a guy named Joseph and they call him Josephina…(again, not gay).
@leanne…I don’t actually call him that to his face… because…well, actually…he is a FH!!
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I’ve just had a look at ‘dedicated’ Brian’s list from the link and spotted a great typo.
‘Bed Bop Deluxe’ sounds like something that should top a hookers menu, if they have such things….
I’ve got ‘Blackadder’ series 2, 3 & 4
and H.R. Puffinstuff- of which I seem to be the only person in the UK to have seen and still maintain its the best kids program ever made, on acid!
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@DTO – I used to know a guy a long, long time ago named David, but everyone called him Rabbit. Weird.
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@Errolite, ‘Bed Bop Deluxe’ was a typo from the original poster. The actual band was Be-Bop Deluxe. They were active in the mid/late 70s. Back in the day I liked them enough to buy a couple of albums.
Pufnstuf rules because, you know, he’s your friend when things get rough.
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@ Jason:
Dude, if you’re gonna wank in the washroom at high school you gotta expect some static. You’re just lucky they didn’t make you eat a soggy biscuit.
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Tyrosine,
I don’t know. With the gaping asshole tasering, or whatever, I don’t know if I can trust your judgement. What’s a soggy biscuit? If it has anything to do with balls or requires a picture, I don’t want to know. Peace, brother. Have a fan-fucking-tastic weekend. And I mean it!
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We had a guy in HS we called “The Face” or just “Face” and he answered to it. Don’t remember why we called him that though, I think he already had the nickname when I met him.
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Nick names :
from high school: Wade One Nut (fence climbing incident), Oge
Guy across the street at my last house, huge fat guy used to hang around raging, wearing only sweatpants, yelling at invisible tormentors, and actually had a full size scythe inside his front door, we used to call Heart Attack Man, glad we moved
at work- weird guy who always has one hand stuck down the back of his pants, I coined Assman, even worked up a theme song using the Batman TV theme.
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Errolite:My step dad called his dogs Orson and Seymour & my mom Witchipoo! “Oranges Poranges”
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167th
Can’t believe I read through all this shit.
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@ Jason:
I’m the first to admit my mind is an open sewer. I really tone things down when posting here, but I’ve always found that “Crisco” themed photo (and others like it such as tubgirl and two girls, one cup) to be fucking hilarious. Seriously, can’t you just imagine them storyboarding that scene?
Writer: “Then let‘s have Dave shove his hand up Steve’s ass”
Director: “Just his hand? That seems a little lame…”
Writer: “Fuck it! His whole arm!”
Director: “Note to Dave: Don’t wear a watch, and have Scotty pick up a bucket of Crisco.”
It gets even funnier when I find out it’s actually a classic, basically the Citizen Kane of gay porn. I‘d honestly like to fake a Crisco ad using that photo and stick it up in the baking isle of the supermarket.
The soggy biscuit is an urban legend (at least I hope it‘s a legend) that arose out of the initiation rites of sports teams. A number of players from the local Junior A hockey team attended my high school. It was rumoured that every fall all the rookie players had to play soggy biscuit as part of hazing. Details of the game are here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soggy_biscuit
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@ Brynhildr & Leanne:
Tazer moi? I would remind you that I specifically warned everyone that the link led to a very unsavoury place. Besides, when the URL contained the file description of “Crisco” and “Fisting” what did you expect, a picture of Heidi of the Swiss Alps running through a field of daisies?
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There’s a weatherman out here in Stanley Cup Championship Land whom I call “The Congested Weatherman”. His name’s Kevin Benson and he talks like he hasn’t breathed through his nose in thirty years. Must have been one hell of a storm front to cause that.
@The Only Errolite: MACBETH!!!!! Aahhhhh!! Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will make amends!
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@Willie Williams…I was 500th once. ..WHAT A FRIGGIN’ HOOT that week was!! Jeff’s England trip and he left the playground unattended…kinda.
Saturday night and two Guiness Draught. left. The kind that has that little ball thing that rolls around…YUM!!
Some Germans gave me a six pack of this stuff (the real deal) as a tip for some work I did for them… and my general good nature. Auch der Liber!!
Happy weekend to all!
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All aside Tyrosine just try one Tazering – how bad could it be? Make sure U know this is all me yucking it up.
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Feeling lame for coming to the party so late, but I hate to be left out, so…
iPod shuffle 15 songs:
Dinosaur Jr – Turnip Farm
Robert Johnson – Stones in my Passway
Neena Foundry – Your Design
Ben Folds – Rockin’ the Suburbs
Supertramp – Logical Song
John Valby – Witch Doctor
Lou Reed – Satellite of Love
Ben Folds – Still Fighting It
Ben Folds Five – One Angry Dwarf
Carrie Newcomer – The Fisher King
Dropkick Murphys – Barroom
Chixdiggit – Chupa Cabras
Violent Femmes – Held Her in My Arms
Mystikal – Shake Ya Ass
Ben Folds – Not the Same
TV on DVD (entire series)
The Office (UK version)
Nicknames (off the top of my head)
Pocket Pal – a judge of diminutive stature who was so tiny and cute you just wanted to pick him and put him in your pocket and carry him around with you all day;
Peas and Carrots – co-worker who was a little Forrest Gump-y;
Lupe – co-worker who was very loopy;
Moobie/PolPot – a co-worker with man boobs who became unbearable when he got a little bit of power;
Snaggletooth – former supervisor, who, in addition to having bad teeth was also a complete uggo, built like a linebacker and a slew foot stomper. Oh, she was also a mean and conniving backstabbing bitch;
The Beasties – Snaggletooth and her boss;
Good Eye – What I call my husband’s ex-girlfriend who has a lazy eye. He thinks it is mean. I think it would be mean if I called her Bad Eye;
ChaCha – My favorite Cuban friend;
Pebbles – I was called this at one job because I put my hair up in a clip when I am really concentrating and working hard, not really called that anymore, hmmm.
Five people I would tase (well, I guess if I have to limit myself to five)
Sarah Palin
Ron Artest
Tom Brady
Snaggletooth
Sarah Palin (oh, yes, I know I put her twice)
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DTO Trust those German BASTARDS to keep the good beer for themselves:)
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All this mention of HR Pufnstuf has reminded me that my siblings and I used to call my mother Witchiepoo sometimes, especially when we wanted out of the bath. The 4 of us (yes, all 4 crammed in the bath at once) would chant in unison, “Witchiepoo, Witchiepoo, we want out!” We started out quietly and increased the volume gradually until we were screaming as loud as we could. Eventually, my mother would give in to the noise and return to the bathroom to get us. Oh, the good old days when parents left their children unattended in the bath and sat on the couch with a cocktail for some alone time.
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Tyrosine – I apologize for listing you as my bonus tase, and I admit my own culpability in clicking on the link you provided. However, in my own defense, although I did see the words “Crisco” and “fisting” in the URL, I was thinking it would be more along the lines of an informational description such as one finds while perusing the Urban Dictionary or even Wikipedia.
Now that I know you are THE source of information on all things perverse and/or repulsive, I will proceed with extra caution when clicking. Apparently, my threshold for viewing the grotesque without consequence is much lower than I thought.
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Okay then Tyrosine. I think my humor is about the same as your’s. But I just couldn’t imagine an arm up the ass not being fatal. Does anyone know if that guy died after that scene? Or maybe the guy with the arm was an amputee? Men with no hands are fairly common, apparently.
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I had an observation on that picture that I thought input – if this is gay porn, has anyone elsed noticed that noone in the picture looks particularly aroused?
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How could anybody be aroused by such a thing? It’s shocking to the senses.
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@ Jason,
I can’t say if that was fatal (it sure looked painful), but I do remember a story on FARK a few years ago about a guy dying after “a tryst” with a horse. The video is available somewhere (he had a “friend” tape it) if you’re so inclined.
@ Brynhildr,
For the record 4chan.org/b/ is the source of all things perverse and repulsive. I spend a lot of time there.
And thanks for the reprieve on the tazering. While I’ve never been tazered, it looks acutely painful, and apparently occasionally fatal. Of course these facts in no way stop me from enjoying the experience when others get tazered.
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Well, I’ve fucked a horse. I mean, who hasn’t? But that’s not sick.
I’d like to have a taser. I want to taser people in Wal-Mart when the line is too long. That’s legit, I think.
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@ Jason,
The guy didn’t fuck the horse. The horse fucked him.
“I want to taser people in Wal-Mart when the line is too long. That’s legit, I think”
Well, if it isn’t it should be.
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I guess my point would be why would you do that if you weren’t getting something from it. But maybe it was involuntary – that thought makes me sick if that’s the case.
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A guy being fucked BY a horse? That’s asinine. If someone was killed during such a pursuit, they deserved it. “I don’t know, Saint Pete, I was just on my hands and knees, minding my own, with lube around and in my ass. Next thing I know a horse beast stomped my brains out.” “Oh, well, that’s common. Almost as common as the guy that slips by accident and ends up with a light bulb up his ass. Welcome to Heaven.”
I don’t think so.
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Leanne,
Why don’t we just meet and get this over with? I’ll give you several cans of pasta and you can put your arm up my ass. Seems reasonable. You do have hands, don’t you?
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“My so-called life”
REALLY?
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I would have never pegged you as owning “my so-called life”
on dvd.
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Jason, I don’t eat canned pasta – plus my hand ain’t going anywhere near there. If it did, I would have to chop it off – therefore – yes I do still have my hands.
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My so called life rocks!
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Nicknames..We had a hand signal for a gal at work..she sported more hair on her chin and chest..then most men in the building..when she would pull something…and we didn’t want to mention her name in front of the kids..we would hold our hands to our chins and wiggle our fingers..EVERYONE at work KNEW who we were talking about….For a ‘gag’ gift…one of the kids at school gave her a BIC shaver for Christmas…
Dude..anyone who has ALL the seasons of LOST…rules..
I have…
Weeds
The Soprano’s
Sex and the City (I am chick what can i say?)
Dexter
House
and 2 1/2 Men…
A fellow WV’er from Wheeling..
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Fists, light bulbs, potatoes, horses, salami…accidents happen.
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A few choice nicknames:
Pick – Kid is grade school who was constantly picking his crotch and ass, Sometimes at the same time.
Dick Dickless – Real name Nick Nichlas
Head – A guy with a head so big Coach had to special order a football helmet before he could play
Beth Anne Boobs – 5 ft nothing with two of the nicest oversized pair of …
Beaker – looked like Beaker from Muppets
Ass-Ears – Kid had some funking lookin’ ears
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Jason,
Here’s the link to the news article from the Seattle Times (sorry, I don’t have pics of this one, but apparently videos were taken). It’s a legit news article, so in theory it’s “safe for the squeamish”, but it’s still about a guy being sodomized by a horse, so YMMY.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002384648_farm16m.html
I’m kinda surprised this happened in Washington. Kind thought this was more of a Florida or Arkansas sorta thing.
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@ Tyrosine – That tips my weird-shit-o-meter…
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Pre-She-Ate it Tyrosine. I found a video but I reluctant to post a link to it. Very sick. The neighbors seemed upset to find out that the horse was gay.
Thank God we’ll be getting an update today – we can finally put all this arm and horse fucking behind us.
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So bestiality is legal in 17 states….
I somehow manage to learn something new every day.
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Not big on nicknames, really, but my friends and I call Danica Patrick either The Bitch, Princess Permapout or The Talentless Hack.
TV Series on DVD:
Firefly/Serenity
Stargate SG-1
Babylon 5
The Pretender
Highlander: The Series
Highlander: The Raven
MacGyver
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