On Saturday we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant, where we’re semi-regulars. We’ve had some really bad Chinese food since we moved here (gloopy as a mofo), but have zeroed-in on a couple of decent places. One’s a takeout joint, and the other is a sit-down restaurant.
Saturday’s destination was the sit-down place, and the food was good, as usual. Not super-good, mind you, but decent. We’ve been going there about once a month, for years, and they always seat us at the same table, and know our soup preferences, and that we add an egg roll to our orders, etc. They know us there, and I like that.
But on Saturday this message was inside my fortune cookie: The only one without a thorn is friendship. WTF? What does that mean? And Toney had the same exact “fortune.” Plus, the younger boy had a message with two spelling errors in it.
I think they’ve changed fortune cookie vendors, and that bothers me. I presume they did this to cut costs, and now they’re passing out cookies filled with nonsense — gibberish cookies. Plus, we’re getting repeats at the same table? The only one without a thorn is friendship?! That’s just a collection of random words, as best as I can tell. I don’t care for it. Their cookies were always semi-cogent in the past, now this.
What’s next? Grade C chicken? Uneaten shrimp reclamation? It’s a bad sign when the fortunes start going to shit. In fact, I think I might’ve read that in an earlier cookie, before the decline took hold.
There’s a breathtakingly ugly girl around these parts, who I see all the time. I barely leave the house, on account of the mental illness, but when I do… she’s often there. I call her Smashmouth, because her face looks like it’s been destroyed by a falling safe, or piano. Or maybe she was dropped as a baby, and accidentally kicked under a table? I just don’t know.
Her head is bigger and fleshier than normal, yet all her features are contained within a small area in the center of her face. I wonder if there’s some kind of surgical procedure where they can go in and space all that shit out a little better? I mean, there’s a lot of real estate available; there’s no need for concern.
In any case, I find it odd that I see her so often. I notice her inside grocery stores, at restaurants, in other cars while waiting on the traffic light to turn green… It’s bizarre.
And it makes me wonder: do I see lots of people over and over again, but since they’re not as “memorable” looking, they don’t register? Or do Smashmouth and I share some kind of weird synchronicity? Either way, I’d sure like to drop a photo of her face into Photoshop, and start moving things around. I think I could fix her.
Nancy is writing a book, for academics, and has started renting an “artist’s cabin” inside a so-called eco-village. She goes there several times per week, and is getting whipped up by all the craziness.
A few days ago she came home from the hippie commune and found lights on in three rooms, and a loaf of (are you sitting down?) white bread on the kitchen counter. Apparently she ripped her husband — who is already on thin ice — a new nostril.
She’s also started taking her family’s laundry to the “village,” and washing everything in a bicycle-powered washing machine. Heh. When Toney told me about this, I said, “Like on the Flintstones?” And when she told our younger boy, he said, “Like on Gilligan’s Island?”
Anyway, she’s all fired up and making everybody’s life a living hell. She told Toney she feels like a failure, because her kids are so “mainstream.” I almost swallowed my tongue when I heard that one. Mainstream?! You mean those see-through Robin Zander-hair public wiener flickers? The ones who laugh hysterically at cars driving down the street on TV, but sit stone-face when something funny happens? The ones who listen to recordings of John Williams film scores, like I used to listen to the Beatles?
Yeah, mainstream. Nancy almost rented a small space in an office building, but she and Nossy decided the eco-village route would be better. It was cheaper, and she thought it would be more inspiring, or something. I have no doubt he’s kicking himself for the part he played in that horrible decision. Good stuff.
And I need to call it a day, my friends. I have another scary meeting to attend at work in a couple of hours. Wish me luck. I’m an old fart, and have experienced a lot of bullshit along the way — but have never been under as much pressure as I am right now.
I’ll be back tomorrow, I hope. But every day’s an adventure, and we’ll have to see how it goes.
See ya soon!