Folders, and Backers, and Other Things that Bug the Crap Out of Us
Another thing I don’t like: pizza folders. What in the everlovin’ hell is that about?? I saw someone do this a few days ago and, even though I didn’t know the person, I instantly had a negative opinion of him. I realize it’s irrational, and probably not fair, but too bad. Pizza folders bother me. I put them in the same category as people who back into parking spaces.
I’m sure some of you belong to the Folders Brotherhood, and are probably squinting at me right now. And every time I mention the parking space thing, I get two or three emails or comments from people explaining (in condescending tones) why backing is better. Ha! If you think you’re going to convince me at this late date, you’re sadly mistaken. My prejudices are cast in stone.
Luckily, however, they’re all fairly shallow, and I’m often convinced to amend my initial judgments of people. In fact, I work with a guy who folds, and I like him just fine. He’s a good guy. When there’s pizza I just try to avert my eyes, and clinch-up when I accidentally see him lifting a folded slice to his mouth. But that’s as far as it goes. I’m able to compensate. Like someone with Asperger’s, or whatever.
I have many, many such things in the hopper o’ fucked-upness. And I have a feeling most of you guys do, as well. You’re Surf Reporters, after all. So, in the comments section, please tell us about your prejudices. One request, though. Please don’t bring politics or general ugliness (you know what I’m talking about) into the discussion. We don’t need more of that crap. Let’s just keep it to annoying little habits, and that sort of thing. Stuff that makes you form an instant opinion about complete strangers… OK? Thank you for your attention to this matter.
I’m returning to work today for the first time since last Wednesday. I had to take a few days off, to tend to some fambly stuff. But I’m working tonight, and will then be off again until Sunday evening. It’s a schedule I could get used to… Just one workday every eleven calendar days. That’s good stuff.
Unfortunately, I need to go in early again, to attend a meeting that’s apparently been turned into a weekly affair. So, I’m going to have to stop here.
I’ll post a full-sized update tomorrow, though.
I’ll see you then!
Now playing in the bunker
Do your holiday shopping at Amazon!
Filed under: Daily
Blessings!
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Chewing gum smackers, clackers and poppers deserve a special place in Hell.
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Everything and everyone.
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Indeed.
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People who smile constantly while they talk. No one is that fucking cheerful. If you are you are over medicating.
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DeepInTheHeart Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Hello Chuck!
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hot fuzz Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Yeah buddy
, how’s it going? 
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People who drink alcohol bug the crap out of me. So do teetotalers.
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Tipsey McChugney Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 2:46 pm
….people who won’t answer their phones as well as people that do answer….I’m so angry!
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God, I hate people that back into parking spaces, and people who write checks at stores. Really? You don’t have a debit card?
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emily Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 3:43 pm
I absolutely am filled with RAGE and want to murder people who still write checks in lines. Also if you HAVE to do it, be prepared-have it filled in except totals for the love a all things holy!
I am also really annoyed by people who write words in all capital letters for emphasis.
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You wanna know what else is bugging the crap outta me?
The Man
I am so sick of The Man
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CADude Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 3:13 pm
There’s a corollary to The Man.
Corporations.
From what I’ve heard, they’re evil.
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Tipsey McChugney Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
I was recently informed that they are actually people. This may have been a political statement, however, that was intended to make a certain candidate appear to be ‘a man of the people’
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hot fuzz Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Only 1% of them are evil. The other 99% arn’t.
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Jeff,
What if I hold the crust in a V shape to form a crease? Not all the way folded, but to just form a crease down the middle to prevent droopage.
Christian.
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hot fuzz Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I immediately thought you meant vagina shaped when you said v shaped… still trying to figure that one out.
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madz1962 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:01 pm
well, pizza (like SOME vaginas) are cheesy.
I just made myself gag.
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hot fuzz Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I actually am getting quite turned on thinking about a girl folder (a folder who is a girl) who would like the grease…. she had a long tongue.
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Who the hell doesn’t fold their pizza before inserting it into their pizza piehole? What would you do when you get to the wide part? Am I missing something here? Guys that fold their wallets before putting them into their back pockets…now that makes my blisters weep.
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Swami Bologna Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Jed: If you want all-dough on the outsides, and the cheese & sauce on the inside, then just order a stromboli, not a pizza. Regarding “the wide part,” you are not required to fit the whole six-inch width of the pizza into your mouth at one time. You can, instead, take bites out of that wide part. Cheerio, mate.
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madz1962 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Kind alike the “corn on the cob” effect.
But, alas, I am a folder. Not touching folder, more like what Christian said “V folding”.
“touching folder ” sounds dirty.
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WB in OH Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Never been to New York, but if I believe half of what I see on TV, V-folding is mandatory in the NYC area, everybody folds, no?
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madz1962 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Yes, and I swear, I think on some Food Show they actually described the NY style “eating” of pizza.
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Alex Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:26 pm
I suppose you fold your sandwich in half also before biting into it?
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madz1962 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Never tried that. But I am a “v” folder. Not a touchy-feely fold in half folder.
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People who make words up, or use a word incorrectly, to try and sound more intellligent than they are. (Your stupid is showing). People who talk on their cell phones in public LOUDLY, so we can all hear about their private lives and latest drama/dumbassery. People who act: entitled, ignorantly, selfishly, and the list goes on. That’s at least half of our population. The other half of you are safe.
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I usually go and stand next to this person and make comments such as:
“YEAH, NO NO NO, YEAH, THAT’S IT. TELL YOU WHAT, WHEN WE MEET UP IN PARIS I’LL FLY YOU OVER LONDON MYSELF AND SHOW YOU WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. OH, AND SELL OFF ALL THE TECH STOCKS, I’M WANT TO PUT IT ALL IN PORK BELLIES AND GOLD.”
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Oh. And, people who say ink pen and billfold. Makes my skin crawl.
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hot fuzz Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:59 pm
tunafish
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Anyone weraing a badge.
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‘wearing’…crap!
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Those who “pop” their collars.
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bikerchick Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 9:49 am
Mimbo’s
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I only fold when I have to : thin crust, too limp to stay crispy, have to fold to keep cheese on.
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I back my truck into a parking space nearly every time – including half the time in my own driveway. Mainly because it is an extended cab, full sized bed F150 and takes half the time to park backwards vs. forwards. Of course that doesn’t stop me from smiling every time knowing that somewhere Jeff Kay is disapproving. It’s the little things that make life worth living…
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I allow an pizza folding exemption if the pizza is especially greasy (aka good) – you have to fold in order to prevent all that floating grease from running down off the slice point onto your shirt. And pizza grease never comes out in the wash.
Some people propose to deal with this issue by blotting the excess grease off of the top of their slices with napkins. Those people should immediately be ejected from the restaurant and thrashed within an inch of their lives in the parking lot before being allowed to crawl away whimpering. Some behaviors are truly inexcusable.
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I’ll admit to an instant prejudice against those who misuse the written words “they’re, their, there” and “your, you’re”.
Those words have different meanings, and they’re not interchangeable. Anyone who doesn’t know the difference should simply stick to the spoken word.
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Jeremy Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Add in “loose” vs. “lose” – I have been seeing this one with increasing regularity. Sad
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Lori Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Also, “advice” and “advise” – Makes me crazy when they are used incorrectly!
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madz1962 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:41 pm
“to” “too” and “two”
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WB in OH Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:41 pm
People mess those up alot. *he he
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chill Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 11:15 pm
People who write “alot” (there’s no such word) when they should have used “a lot”.
.
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WB in OH Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 11:27 am
Actually an Alot is a mythical creature.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Penis, rope, and fire hose.
My wife and the guys at the gym always screw these up and it is aggeravating, though understandable.
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Stephanie Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Accept and except.
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dto Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 7:51 pm
I have yet had a perfect stranger pass me a note lrt alone with your mentioned fuck ups. If they do I’m sure I will hate them.
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dto Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 7:54 pm
***that weird word there is ‘let’.
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CMS Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 2:37 pm
People who use “then” when they really mean “than.” I hate it more then anything.
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Not only am I squinting, but I am slowly and deliberately shaking my head from side to side. Folding pizza is easier to eat. You can funnel the grease right into your mouth, and it is like eating a pizza soft taco. Folding also prevents the worst thing in the world from happening. When you fold the slice, you can make sure the toping remain in place. This way you don’t get a lava hot cheese sleeve going all white phosphorus all about on your chin and neck after the entire thing slides off your bread wedge and slaps you in the throat. No visit to the hospital for daily burn scrubbing and skin grafts as well as evenly distributed toppings are what lie in wait for the folder.
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…and phamplet pushers
and…Anyone wearing a stick-on nametag.
People who carry their dog for a walk.
Tourists
A drunk at the bar wearing a Greyhound Bus uniform.
A waitress at Hooters with minimal tits.
The over colongned crowed.
Anyone that takes me for one who gives a shit.
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hot fuzz Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
I figure any paphlet pusher (like maybe, I don’t know, WATCHTOWER) that ignores my “no soliciting sign” and says “I’m not selling anything” deserves what ever I dish out on my own property.
When I answer the door, I step right out side because the minature schnauzers are going batshit crazy usually… but the people at the door don’t know that they weigh a combined 36 pounds. Next time I’ll just smile and say “I’m opening the door in 10… 9…..8….”. I might even do my best Dr Malcolm and say ” run “
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Phil Jett Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 9:01 pm
I always check who is at the door before answering. If they appear to be pushing religion, I take off my trousers, answer in my underwear and tell them I was taking a dump.
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m Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 10:17 pm
I lived 3 blocks from a temple when I was on assignment in California. I got frequent visitors from the temple, in the middle of the day. Not bad, except I worked nights. I finally answered the door in a short nightie and explained rather loudly that I worked NIGHTS. I don’t know if it was the yelling, the bed head, the over-exposed fatness, or a combo, but I never got another visitor bringing me the good news.
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Bill in WV Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 4:10 pm
I normally tell them to come back in a couple hours, I’m sacrificing a goat.
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I drive at a constant speed on the highway (cruise control), and if I have to pass a car more than once because they fluctuate speeds, then I automatically think they’re idiots.
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hot fuzz Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Holy crap I thought I was the only one.
Anyone faster is a moron and anyone slower is an idiot, amirite?
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bikerchick Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 9:57 am
You’re not the only one. This is a huge peeve for me too. Especially when said idiot speeds up so you can’t pass them. Then when stuck behind them again, they slow back down. That’s when road rage should be legal.
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twr Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Tru dat
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Checks in the grocery store as stated above infuriates me, not as a customer, but as a weekend cashier ay my local store. Waiting for that shit while my line backs up really irks me.
Also, people who don’t know how much they have left on their food stamp cards. Maybe you shouldn’t have bought all that steak and lobster on us at the beginning of the month asshole!
And people who eat their food and bring me empty wrappers and cans when they check out.
And people who won’t help bag when I don’t have a bagger.
And people who don’t know the proper items to get with their WIC checks.
Oh yeah, I’m tailor made for that job.
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Jed Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 11:36 pm
Customers who rest their elbows on any counter where business is normally transacted and then stick their asses out like “lemme rest a spell, while we sort my shit out”. Ever been on the tail end of one of these selfish bastards? Conventional wisdom would be to clench one’s sphincter. Fortunately, there is nothing conventional about my coping strategies. Never been one to hide that, and as I pass the 50 mark, I’ve learned the pure joy of flaunting it.
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I’m a folder, but not a backer.
People that shuffle their feet. If you’re not 90, pick up your damn feet when you walk.
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dto Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I was recently walking behind a girl who had two feet but sounded like she had four. Not a shuffle but a ka-klomp, ka-klomp, ka-klomp. Wearing regular shoes too. Nice steady pace. Reminded me of the paddock on derby day.
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I cringe at people that write about people that write about people doing things that they hate.
OH CRAP!! I’VE DONE IT MYSELF!!
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People who drive in the left lane and are going the same speed as those in the right.
People who walk through a door in front of you and then reach back to half-assed hold it open while you walk through. I mean really…don’t bother.
People who can’t speak English and are put in charge of taking my order at the drive-thru.
Having to press “1″ for English.
People who eat pizza with a fork and a knife. Just a hint – pizza has a sauceless outer crust for a reason!!!
People who use fad sayings such as “shut the front door!” to express their surprise, etc.
People who don’t text in complete sentences.
People who never answer their phone when you call but always respond to a text immediately and usually with something like this…”i missed ur call. whats up?”
People who let their 3, 4, 5-year-old record their families voicemail message. I immediately hang up without leaving a message.
I’m sure I’ll think of more, but that’s it for now.
Thanks for listening.
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madz1962 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Oh yeah when the kids leave the outgoing message. That makes my friggin’ ears bleed. The kids can’t enunciate clearly so how the hell am I supposed to know “Gah doo dahhhhh” mean “You have reached the Cooper’s home”. Save that shit for the grandparents. Let them spend 20 minutes trying to decipher.
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Randall Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Can we have a press one for english jihad? I mean it,hunt those responsible and give them a savage beating
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These are some things that irritate the crap out of me and cause me to judge the person committing the act in the following ways:
Driving slow in the left lane = you’re an idiot
Spitting in public = you’re disgusting in every possible way
Leaving behind “evidence” in a public toilet = see above
Laughing loudly on a cell phone = you’re an attention whore: I can’t stand you
Snapping chewing gum = you’re ignorant
Using lots of exclamation points in an email = you’re either overly caffeinated or overly emotional; either way, calm the hell down
Using corporate “buzzwords” = you have no imagination
Wow, this is more fun than I thought it would be. Turns out, I really enjoy hating on people. Who knew?
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I despise people who say hello to me. I am not a big fan of greetings or salutations. The ladies in my new office caught on to that pretty quick. Cpome to work, drag your sled across the ice for 10 hours, then go home. No pleasentries required. If someone tells me good morning, I stop, square up to them, and stare through their head until I feel that they are as uncomfortable as they made me. That person is then on my shit list until they prove their worth. All else being equal, I would fire a person who greets me, or not hire the person who said hello at the beginning of the interview.
I also hate…HATE, people who don’t know when a conversation is over. If I am rolling up my window and putting my truck in reverse, and start to accelerate, the conversation has been over for a long time. Remember that next time you see me. This is the same person who doesn’t know how to end any conversation. They walk by your desk and tell you two sentences of information. Then you turn back to your work and they start talking again. What the hell Micro Machine Man, I got stuff to do. Go talk to Candi at reception, she always wants to talk about her damn cats anyway.
And the worst, the worst of all. The people that make my blood boil more than an unwatched kettle. The dirty, slow, lowdown, sons and daughters of agnoy itself, people who don’t walk up escalators. Now some people follow the rules and squeeze their lazy dirty bodies against the rail so I can squeeze by on the left side. But there are those evilings that are too fat, or have their bags in the way, or are standing broadly in the center of the already too narrow electro-pneumatic stairs and make me stand behind them. I don’t even need to be late for anything and this pisses me off. These people are instantaneously the worst humans who have ever lived. 500 Hitlers can come and go, but you know what, I bet they would do it while walking up escalators. These people are sub-human. I’ve seen ants and roaches walk up escalators, those critters are better than these wastes of carbon that refuse to lift a foot to aid in their own transportation.
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DeepInTheHeart Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:28 pm
The same goes for lazy fuckers who refuse to actually walk down a moving sidewalk at an airport. The entire point of the sidewalk is to move faster than you would while walking on stationary ground. If you’re too old/fat/crippled (fill in the blank) to actually walk, then catch a fucking handicapped courtesy shuttle and get the fuck outta my way. I need to get to my gate!!
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Swami Bologna Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Hey, Ice-Man, this dude disagrees with you on the escalator front:
http://www.martyafterdark.com/chasing-something-in-the-night/tag/escalators
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Fuck that guy.
Why does he need to clog up the escalator and expend all that energy standing, when there is a perfectly funcitonal cement staircase he can roll down.
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Then he can chill our as much as he wants at the bottom of the steps in a pool of his own chilled blood.
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This one has been festering for a while and don’t give me any “health benefit” speeches but… people who sneeze and cough into the crook of their arms. How they deem this sanitary is beyond me. Allt hat seems to do is create a boogery snotty mess. At least oyu can wash your hands. Are people supposed to go into the restroom at work and scrub thei rsuit jackets?
People who talk with food in their mouths over the telephone. Put down the goddamn carbonara and speak without a cheekful of mashed food.
Assholes who insist on talking to ME while their eyes and attention are afixed on their Smart phone. Pretentious fuckers.
(I think someone just yanked the scab off and I’m about to spew!) More to come…
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DeepInTheHeart Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Madz, I agree with you 100% percent about the sneezing, coughing, etc. in the croook of their arm. My daughter is 5 years old and apparently they teach that crap in good ol’ public Kindergarten! It’s disgusting and I’ve had a hell of a time reprogramming her. Cover your mouth with your hands and then go wash them for pete’s sake!! Sheesh.
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I had to do push ups in basic training if I sneezed anywhere but my elbow. Ever since that’ show I do it.
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Stephanie Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Talking on the phone with your mouth full…disgusting and, WHY? You were on hold for so long you just couldn’t wait and HAD to stuff that Twinkie into your piehole? Or in this case, Twinkiehole.
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m Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 10:22 pm
That is the best way. If you sneeze or cough in your hand, you usually grab something like a doorknob or phone before you wash. Coughing into your elbow confines your bacteria and viruses to your person. Our nurse managers came around a year or two ago and did a whole presentation on it.
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Jed Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 11:54 pm
Totally agree. I’m a germophobe, and its a simple courtesy to NOT use your booger hooks to block your spew. And don’t shake my hand if you’re sick. Ill respect you more if you repect my health.
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People who think I am angry, upset, sad, or some other negative sounding mood simply because I don’t have a stupid Mickey Mouse smil pasted on my face.
They ask “Hey man, what’s wrong?”
I reply, “You ask stupid questions and I hate your for it, but only the you asking stupid questions part is what’s wrong.”
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People who think that by saying “Oh frak” is less offensive than say, “Oh, Fuck me in the dick with a shit stained stick”.
That both mean the same thing and carry the same intent. Just because the letters are arranged differently doesn’t mean you aren’t cussing.
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Alex Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Thats just to get around the sacrimonious assholes that run forums who seem to think a well place fuck, damn, or shit is going to ruin the “family atmosphere” they want as a forum.
Add to the list:
Those assholes who run forums and have a problem with talking like a normal human being. People swear, get over it, claiming your 5 year old reads the automotive forums with you doesn’t mean jack shit to me. Teach ‘em about swearing and how to use it and you’ll be golden. Fucking cocksuckers.
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I hate hypocrites and people who don’t love them.
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People who don’t leash their children are incosiderate idiots not worthy of life.
People who leash their children are wise beyond comparison.
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Stephanie Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:11 pm
People who let their children scream and carry on raising hell in restaurants and, a) Ignore them, like it’s not happening/annoying the crap out of the rest of us or b) Laugh like it’s funny, encouraging the behavior or, c) Say things like, “Now you stop that, or else” and there is no “else” and “If you do that one more time”, and they do it a few more dozen times, but you do nothing to follow through. Do us all a favor and get yourself fixed so you don’t breed any more monsters that you have no clue how to parent.
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I thought of another one…….
People who use hand sanitizer in lieu of soap and water, even though the latter is readily available. I have a friend (with two young children) who has bottles of hand sanitizer on the bathroom counters where soap dispensers ought to be. She and her kids use the bathroom, squirt a blob of hand sanitizer on, rub it in, and walk out. Can someone please tell me how walking around touching things with fecal matter on your hands is sanitary? Is it supposed to make me feel better that you’ve killed 99.9% of the bacteria in said fecal matter? WELL IT DOESN’T!!!! Needless to say we don’t eat meals over there and we definitely wash up after we leave.
If you intentionally bypass soap and water for hand sanitizer, I’m just gonna assume that your house, your vehicle, and your person are nothing but a gigantic bag of filthy, shit-infested disgustingness. Oh, and I ain’t shaking your hand either. Ick.
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Not trying to be a spelling Nazi but Aspberger’s made me think of a ground meat patty made from snakes. Yum.
But I’ll tell you what kind of person pisses me off. Soup strainers. You know, the guy in front of you at the self service soup pots in the grocery or cafeteria, who fishes around and take every goddam chunk of meat, or strains out all the broth so he has a solid cup of veggies or noodles. And all that’s left for the normal people is broth.
Yes, my life is filled with suffering. Cry for me.
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madz1962 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:18 pm
But Don’t cry for me, Argentina.
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Oh, the backer inners drive me crazy!
People that get offended by curse words. You are a grown ass adult. The word shit should not make you cry.
People who write checks at the store! Unless you are over the age of 85… then you get a pass.
People who talk on their cell phones while they are checking out at the store. It’s just rude!
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1. People who say “Youse guys”. It’s you. Y-O-U.
2. People who doddle and block the aisle at the supermarket? Get what you need and move with a fucking purpose. If you can’t do that then at least have the common sense to get out of the way.
3. People who hog the middle lane on freeways. Yes, I know that compared to Bumfuck New Brunswick metropolitan Toronto is a cavalcade of terror what with all the cars, collector lanes, and those confusing electric lights, but either learn to cope or park it and take public transit.
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Stephanie Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Here in Minnesota, they say guyses. Guys is already pluralized. The fuck?
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DeepInTheHeart Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:20 pm
My 3-year-old says exhausteses. Is that the same thing? Oh wait, no it’s not, because he’s THREE!!
Did you see what I did there? I used all caps to put emphasis on a word. Go ahead, hate me. I’m ok with it.
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kristin Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 7:38 pm
I’ve lived in MN a majority of my life, and I have never heard guyses. Not that there isn’t plenty of other Minnesota-isms to laugh at.
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:23 pm
I go into a short paralyzed state of rage when I hear “Youse guys.”
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bikerchick Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 10:18 am
“Youse guys” and “yinz guys” is just second nature to those who live in Pittsburgh. It’s called Pittsburghese. And it’s horrible. Half of the population here say it. It’s just ghetto. Especially when a waitress/waiter at a decent restaurant says, “Have youse decided yet?” or “How are yinz guys doin over here?”
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People with a vacant stare who aren’t dropping acid.
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People who don’t think someone falling on their ass isn’t funny. Lighten up people, it’s fucking hilarious.
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Then they rush over “Oh my god, you fell down, are you okay? What happened, did someone push you or did you trip on something? Oh my god!”
They act like the person fell of the top of a barn and landed in the bin of bloody castrated bull nuts. The people usually fall from the massive height of their feet already on the ground. What’s that, a max distance of travel of about one meter.
These people think firemen should be omnipresent carrying trampolines just in case we get a jumper from great heights exceeding 7 inches.
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Bomama Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 8:57 pm
I was at a soccer game on Saturday, and an elderly woman got hit square in the chest from about 20 feet. She made an “OOF’ noise when the ball hit her. I had to hide behind my husband because I was laughing so hard. Another Mom later told me that she was afraid to make eye contact because she knew she would lose it too.
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madz1962 Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Now that IS hilarious.
Alas, *I* was the one today to fall on my ass. Tripped over a sidewalk landing right on the knee that was just operated on. Tore the leather off my boot, too. Beloved had to kinda haul me t o my feet and a concerend lady came rushing over. I was in pain bu I still grinned through my grimacing.
Shi, if I had witnessed that sprawl, I would have needed oxygen.
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Orange spry on tans. Also girls that won’t do anal. Am I right Farty T?
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Can the brother get an amen?
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madz1962 Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Spray and anal shouldn’t be in the same sentence.
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dto Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Agreed …. however, anal spray is an acceptable term.
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Uncle_Wedgie Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 9:09 pm
There was a period in between. No foul.
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hot fuzz Reply:
November 18th, 2011 at 10:22 am
Perhaps the period was the reason for the anal?
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“Spray”
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Even that folded pizza pic pisses me off.
Slurpers.
People who can’t ignore a ringing phone when they have more pressing things to attend to.
And a double strike against those cell phone users who glare at me when I tell them to hang up and order when standing in a line up.
Movember. (as a year round moustache wearer).
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WB in OH Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 11:31 am
Movember is for a good cause. And it gets me out of shaving for a month.
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The rude-ass scofflaws who park in middle of the drive-thru lane at my McDonald’s every fucking morning so they won’t have to walk 20 extra feet to get to the door.
And every single morning I stop, let down my window, give them a good look up and down before I go around them to get my first cup of coffee of the day. When one of them asks me what the fuck I’m doing one morning, my response will be “just checking to see what’s so fucking special about you that you get special parking.”
Maybe I need less coffee.
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….doddling bartenders.
Guys wearing cowboy boots without dust on ‘em.
People with pointy heads
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People that think they have a right to tell me when and where I can concealed carry a firearm. If I’m doing it correctly, you’ll never notice anyway.
People who don’t read the posted signs. Take your head out of your ass before asking me a question.
People who protest funerals. Get a fuckin’ life. If you protest soldier’s funerals, I will forget to apply the brakes on my pickup truck when you’re crossing the street intentionally. That is the lowest of the low.
And I also agree with the gripe about passing someone three or four times because I can keep a constant speed with cruise control. Unless you bought a bargain-basement car or the damn thing is twenty years old, use your cruise control and quit dicking around.
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WB in OH Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 7:46 pm
The cruise control thing always bothered me too…then I bought a bargain basement 99′ Taurus…only to discover later that it didn’t have cruise control. Now I just hang my head in shame when someone passes me for the second time.
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People who chew with their mouth open. It sounds like someone fisting a jar of mayonnaise. My step son does this and I just have to leave the room every time he chows down.
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bikerchick Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 10:21 am
“fisting a jar of mayonnaise”…..I just choked on my coffee….funny shit!
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Bill in WV Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 4:17 pm
“Fisting” and “chow down” in the same paragraph? Hmmm?
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Hell, where do I start?
- People in the express line at Kroger’s with 40 items (limit is 15, asshat. Can’t you count or do you have a degree in stupid?
- Cigarette smoke (hey, smoke all you want – just don’t exhale around me, OK?) Still smoking? In 2011? Good luck with that.
- Sales clerks/creeps with safety pins through their nose, eyebrows, etc. Explain to me how this is attractive, let alone professional or business-like.
- Quote from an ESPN guru: “You can have a great job or great tattoos – take your pick.” He is proven right every day.
- Phone calls at suppertime, from anyone, for any reason. Hey, your clue-bag is obviously empty. Go find one and put it in there all by its lonesome.
- Pickup trucks 3 feet off the ground. Think that’s cool? It’s not – it looks absurd and you are an idiot.
- Dual pipes on trucks. Know what? Louder = dumber.
- Confederate flags on vehicles. Flunked history, did you Billy Bob? Guess what – the Civil War is over and you lost. Get over yourself.
Oh crap, here comes my wife with my meds and the leash – gotta go.
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This is the topic for me today!
I am easily annoyed by many things.
-People who don’t use turn signals. There is an intersection by my house that is horrid. Very few people signal, and very few yield the right of way to the people going straight. It pisses me off every morning.
-Grown adults who insist on talking in “text speak”. You are 40 years old for God’s sake, stop saying LOL!
-People who walk through a store or anywhere else for that matter texting or looking down at their phone without watching where they are walking. I have taught my 3 year old to pay attention to where he is going, maybe he can teach you too.
-People who can not park in a parking spot within the lines.
I have many more, but I’ll stop there.
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Theresa Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 11:56 pm
omg the lack of using turn signals drives me nuts, like its so frggin hard to flick the stick and put a signal on!! i constantly think about creating bumper stickers/magnets thats say “i heart blinkers”
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bikerchick Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 10:31 am
What’s worse are the asshole’s that don’t turn on their left turn signal until the light turns green. Then you are stuck behind these dickbeaters.
There is an intersection downtown Pittsburgh…5th Ave and Ross St. The lane is several feet back from the intersection so a truck/bus/large vehicle can make that 90 degree right turn from Ross onto 5th Ave. People think they are too far back to use their left signal until they move forward and are right up on it. It is infurating to say the least! You are turning left, asshole. Put the fucking signal on so people have a chance to go around you and not have to sit through that light 7 times.
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Patients who freak out over IVs shots when they are covered in tats and piercings.
The show (and the same people who show up at my job) “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.” Whatever. You have gained 10 pounds in your uterus, something is moving in there, you haven’t had periods in 9 months, and you throw up a lot in the mornings, but you’re totally shocked you are about to give birth. Sure. I can see explaining away weight gain, lacking periods and morning sickness, but how do you ignore another human being moving around in your lower torso? On many women, you can SEE the baby move, even through clothing. I honestly don’t believe they don’t know, I think they think everyone else is stupid and will believe it. Why not admit it?
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Banks and Attorneys have pissed me off more these last few months that all the left-hand lane driving, cellphone staring, turn-signal challenged, bull-balls-on-your-pickup hillbilly mouth-breathing illiterate idiots I run into every. single. day.
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I back into my garage every time. Maybe I should try the pizza folding thing…
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Hey, I’m a knife and for pizza eater. I do however have a nephew on the wife’s side has Aspergers. I simply refer to him as “The ass burger guy” and she gets really pissed!
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4WD pickups and SUVs with no dirt on them. Why do you need 4 wheel drive when the only place you drive is I-66? Extra anger for fake testicles hanging off the trailer hitch.
Turn signals again. Do you not know you’re supposed to use them when changing lanes, or is literally lifting a finger too much effort?
Rainy twilight and no headlights.
Abandoned grocery carts in the middle of the aisle, no owner in sight.
Cisco “support”.
.
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And I’ll V-fold my pizza every time. If it’s proper (i.e. thin crust) pizza, you kind of have to for all the reasons previously cited. Yes, I’m from New York; what of it?
.
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Back to beating the dead horse in the grocery store—-
People who use the motorized carts just because they are fatasses and don’t want to walk with a normal cart. Old people and handicapped get the passes, but if you would WALK around the store and quit loading your cart with Cheezy Poofs and Little Debbie, maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to drive around the store.
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Another thing that bugs the crap out me:
“Hamburger Meat” – it’s either Hamburger or Ground Beef
also:
it’s “EYE – DEE – Ah”, not “EYE DEER”
and it’s only 9:00am
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Adults who speak to me in a condescending manner, as if they have some “authority” over me.
People who don’t use turn signals.
People who park in handicapped spots with no obvious tag or placard on their vehicle.
Having to deal with people in general.
The USPS
Lots of noise (car radios, engines, barking dogs…that sort of thing).
“Waver ons” at 4 way stops – you know, the type who clearly got there before you and will flash their lights or motion for you to go on and that just messes up the whole pattern.
I think that’s it for right now, but I’m sure I have much more bile and hatred in my system than this puny list.
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people who while talking to you are dropping names of people you have no fucking idea who they are…like you should know who they are talking about.
and food touchers bug the shit outta me.
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Jesus. Where do I start? As I get older, the list gets longer.
Grocery Stores. I hate grocery shopping as it is. There are a few people of the “motorized” community I see there all the time. They are perfectly capable of walking. This one lady parks at the end of the isle, gets out of her motorcart, walks down the isle to get what she wants, gets back into her cart and goes to the next isle. The fuck??? Their incapacity depends on the effort needed for the task at hand.
Then there’s the “mother of the year” with access card in hand and a cart full of meat and seafood. A parade of 4-6 kids (ages ranging from 2-6) lagging behind her. Every one of them whining and crying while she completely ignores them, not once looking behind to check on them. Please…have another one. I’ll watch my grocery budget so you can feed your tribe crablegs.
Do NOT snap your gum or lips in my face. With that attitude, you’ll sit in that fucking waiting room all day before I take you back to see the doctor.
Finish your conversation on your cell phone before approaching a sales counter, placing an order in a restaurant or whatever. No one gives a shit about your conversations. No one.
Identify yourself when calling somewhere. Don’t just spew demands and orders. Is it that much effort to say, “Hello, my name is ___. I was in to see the doctor…(or whatever)….”? It’s just common courtesy. Why do we have to pull teeth to find out who you are like we are expected to know your voice?
Lying. A few people I know would lie just to lie. My doc’s wife (who “runs” the office) would lie about what she had for dinner last night. We have caught her in her shit lies so many times. She forgets what she has told us in the past about things. She has no credibility and NO respect. I know a couple people like this. Makes no sense to me.
Ok…I’ll stop for now.
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Evil Twin's Wife Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 1:05 pm
OMGosh – one of my biggest peeves is people who call my number and then ask who they are speaking with. I want to say, “You called me, joker.”, but instead I ask, “Who were you trying to reach?” or “What number did you dial?”. I’m not telling complete strangers my name unless they have a miiiiighty good reason for needing to know it.
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icecycle66 Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
When I answer the phone I say who it is, “Icecycle speaking.”
And then there is inevitably silence.
I think, hey mother fucker you called me, you got a response; the ball’s in your court. If they don’t respond within moments I give a good hearty “What do you want?”
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Bill in WV Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Whenever I get asked that question at the beginning of a phone conversation, I answer “Satan…. would you like to speak to Hitler?”.
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I hate people who cannot pick up their feet when they walk. Is it so damn hard to lift your foot that extra 1/2 inch to not scrape the floor?
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oh boy oh boy!! I live for this…
1. shopping…I hate check writers and encourage my kids to whine about how long it takes. Whine and cry away boys, everyone can hear you.
2. taking my car in: now I am FEMALE, which means if they see me coming in they just start thinking of ways to (figuratively) screw me. I had a guy at Lube Pro’s try to get me to pay for a forty dollar “cleanse” before they put in new oil after an oil change. Have never taken my car anywhere since without a man in tow.
3. My son has autism. nuff said. you bring it, I can take. don’t try to pretend I am making it up, maybe he is just “slow” etc etc. My son is nonverbal and in special education. It is ok…really. I am a pro, you bring it I can dish it right back. PS. its apsergers. look it up, google something. ignorance is no excuse…*hops off Autism soapbox*
4. family thinking I want to spend every holiday running from house to house. I don’t. I want to cook a turkey and sit in my sweats and sweat. I don’t feel like smiling or dragging said child(see #3) to everyones houses so he can melt down and scream all night.
5. I hate the drive thru wench handing me a coke with 2/3 of the soda dripping down the side….the fuck??? give me a napkin asshat…
6. bills. I hate my bills.
7. I hate people that talk to me in public. does my face look friendly?? do you think I want your advice on feeding my children??? dressing them?? if you can do it better, here. take one. or two. hell take all three and let me go to the liquor department. have fun!!
ok. I wil be back with more.
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Casey J Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Aspergers…damn neurotic typing.
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Uncle_Wedgie Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Easy girl. We are mock A-holes here not real. God bless your son.
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Casey J Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 10:20 pm
this is sarcasm, by the way. I had assumed this was a given…
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A few of my co-workers back in to their praking spaces. I refer to them as the Douchebag Derby.
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I hate people that PULL their shopping cart, you are suppose to PUSH it. Pulling it takes twice as much space in the aisle and it just annoys me to death.
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I find it interesting that the umbrella theme of what bugs us is other people.
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dto Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 3:26 pm
People with umberellas piss me off come to think of. Pussies!
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Anyone onstage trying to imitate Mick Jagger. Unless you can do a spot on imitation like Jimmy Fallon, don’ t attempt this stance. You will look foolish.
(yes, I’m talking to the preening asshole in a local band who secretly believes he may be Sir Mick. You’re not. You’ll never make a record or tour. Deal with it.)
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People who wish me a ‘blessed day.’
People who ask ‘how are you?’ then act shocked when I reply ‘shitty.’
People who chat on the cell phone in office toilet stalls.
Salvation Army bell-ringers who crank up their quarter kettles two weeks before Thanksgiving, let alone Christmas.
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I am prejudiced against:
-people who back out of parking spaces.
-people who merge on to an empty two lane road from the right side and immediately get into the left lane.
-people who put beans in chili.
-vegans.
-people who drive a Prius or Volt.
-people who joined a Canadian Occupy movement.
-people who put ketchup on eggs or mac and cheese.
-people that wear a hat sideways.
-people that wear pants with the waistline below their hips.
-heterosexual women with short hair.
-people that phone me or come to my door in an attempt to sell something.
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I hate:
The person in line in front of me at the convenience store who waits until the cashier tells them what they owe and THEN starts reaching for their wallet or money or whatever…like it’s a complete surprise they’ll have to pay. Whereas I’m standing behind them money IN hand shooting daggers of death with my eyes
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Alex Reply:
November 17th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Or, they suddenly decide to buy every lottery ticket in existance and proceed to do their fucking scratching right there at the counter. Hey, move outta the way you lottery loser.
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I am not a fan of the general public, or public transportation.
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I hate people who honk when they pull up in front of a building. It is 2011, doesn’t everyone have access to a phone? Better yet, here’s an idea: get out of your Range Rover and walk to the door. There are other people in the neighborhood. Some have alternative sleeping patterns.
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chill Reply:
November 18th, 2011 at 8:12 am
I call that the urban doorbell. Even if nobody is trying to sleep, it’s a rude and lazy practice.
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I just can’t stand it when people describe the time of day as, “8AM in the morning” or “9PM at night”….like the AM and PM didn’t clue us in to the time of day…. douche.
What about ice chewers in small spaces, like cubicles. Completely crosses the line….not sure what line but they are crossing all over it!!!!
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chill Reply:
November 18th, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Right up there with “ink pen” and “lead pencil”.
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What really bugs me is people who pull through parking spaces. Even more so the ones who pull from one parking lane through two spaces to get to one on the other side and who expect to drive through the traffic in that lane to get there.
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