Fast Food Sadness, Creative Nicknames, and Number One Songs
About once every two weeks I’ll be at work, and feel an urge to have Subway for lunch. Yes, a BMT with lettuce, tomato, and green peppers would be mighty good tonight, I say to myself. Then I remember: I told a guy there to go fuck himself, and can never return.
So, that bridge is fully burned, and there’s no way back. It felt good while it was ablaze, but now… not so much. Nowadays I just sigh with sadness when I think about it. ‘Cause I want back in!
Sometimes I catch myself considering disguises. I think: Maybe if I went in there wearing a clip-on ZZ Top beard, or a pair of those glasses with Japanese eyes painted on them, the dude wouldn’t recognize me and load-up my hoagie with boogers and scrotal residue?
But the risk is simply too great. I know this, deep down. I just have to come to terms with the fact I’ve completely burned a fast food bridge, in a neighborhood with few options. My god, what was I thinking?!
I heard a great nickname for a guy at work last night. In fact, it almost made me do a spit-take. I don’t think I should tell you what it is, because I’m paranoid, but I will tell you about a previous one that’s even better.
Years ago, you see, I worked with a sawed-off little prick named John. Well, I didn’t really work with him, we just worked under the same roof. Our jobs didn’t overlap all that much.
Anyway, he was roughly 4 foot 8 (possibly exaggerated), and was the poster child for Short Man Syndrome. He walked around with a chip on his tiny shoulder all the time, being hyper-confrontational, and acting like a complete jackass.
He was also a very snappy dresser — almost always overdressed for every occasion. And his secretary (of all people) started referring to him, behind his narrow back, as “Baby Gap.” Because, I guess, she believed that’s where he purchased all his fancy duds.
And that’s one of my all-time favorites. I’m laughing right now, just thinking about it. It’s perfection, I say.
Have you encountered any especially creative co-worker nicknames during your travels? I’m not talking about calling a fat guy “Tiny,” but the ones that are truly inspired. Tell us about it, won’t you?
And Buck sent me a link to this site today, where you can find out the number one song in America on the day you were born. Then you can listen to it, if you’d like.
The site is pretty clunky, but functions. And apparently “Big Girls Don’t Cry” was at the top of the charts when I emerged, already sporting the beginnings of the Jiffy Pop hair that’s plagued me ever since.
“Big Girls Don’t Cry”? That’s not very manly, is it? I’m not sure I care for it. It seems like it should be Nostrils’ song, not mine. At least that’s the way I see it.
In any case, the two of us were writing back and forth, telling each other what was number one during big events in our lives. And get this… Buck knows the exact date he lost his virginity. The exact date! And now he knows what was the most popular song in the nation when it happened, as well.
Is this something people generally know? ‘Cause I couldn’t even tell you the month. I know the year, and could probably narrow it down to a specific quarter… but that’s the best I can do.
Hell, I don’t even know if the first time was my first time. I might’ve had it in her purse, I’m not sure. The whole thing was quite ridiculous and clumsy, but we don’t need to get into all that, do we?
What was the number one song on the day you were born? And do you remember the exact date you lost your virginity, like Buck? If so, what was the most popular song at the time?
Sheesh.
This will probably be my last update before Christmas, so I hope everyone has a great one. I appreciate you folks coming here every day and participating in the craziness. I will hoist a holiday beverage in your honor — as soon as I get this work week behind me. Is this the slowest week ever, or what? Sweet sainted mother of Hedda Lettuce!
Take care, and I’ll see you on the other side.
Filed under: Daily
Number One!! What a Christmas Gift!!
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Are You Lonesome Tonight by The King…I’ll hoist a Sierra Nevada Celebration in your honor, Jeff. Have a Merry and a Happy, etc.!!
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#3 – Woo Hoo!
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Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel was #1 on my birth date.
There’s a guy I work with that is profoundly huge and insanely annoying. We call him “Del” after the Del Griffith character from “Plains, Trains and Automobiles”.
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A girl in my office used to call me “Baby Gap” because, I think, I had put on a few pounds which made my wardrobe look a little tight.
My birthday has historically had a great sound track… everyone was listening to “Celebration” when I popped out of the womb.
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howdy
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BTW Jeff-
Happy Festivus too!!
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Merry Christmas to all the surf reporters and Jeff and his fambly! This site gives me an almost daily reason to laugh – and it’s always just what I need! So, thanks for the good work, JK.
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My Dina-a-Ling …Chuck Berry was #1 on my birth date.
Right Here Waiting…Richard Marx was #1 the day I, ahem, you know.
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I’m paranoid as can be on this, but I doubt very seriously anyone I work with reads anything like this online–soooooo. A source that works with a coworker’s husband let slip they call him “Well Betty Says.” It seems when asked a question he prefaces every answer with same, so, of course, we must call her Betty Says at all times. A few times in her presence. Bad people.
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I Went to Your Wedding – Patti Page #1 on my birth date.
Sheesh…I feel ancient.
Worked with a guy named Ed that everyone called “Short Bus”.
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Stop! In the Name of Love was #1 on my birthdate.
Too bad I wasn’t born a year later, or The Ballad of the Green Berets by S/Sgt Barry Sadler could’ve been my song. That would be pretty cool, tough, and manly. I actually tried to watch the Green Berets movie (featuring the Duke) earlier this year, but found it impossible to get through. Wotta load of propagandistic crapola!
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We work with a women who dies her otherwise gray hair completely jet black and will go months between home die jobs. To make matters worse she parts her stick straight, shoulder length hair right down the middle. Behind her back a fellow coworker noted that she looks like a skunk. I said we should call her flower, like the little skunk from Bambi, “He can call me Flower if he wants to”, needless to say it stuck.
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i THINK I LOVE YOU- THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY Somehow that seems right to me.
I remember the approximate date of losing my virginity because I lived in Indianapolis and it was at an Indy 500 party the night before the race in 1985. the exact date though………. Bucks experience must have been much more memorable than mine.
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Since Jeff didn’t reveal, I’ll just say Jeannie C. Riley was singing Harper Valley PTA the day I started consuming oxygen.
The day I felt like I STOPPED consuming oxygen–with some gal named Courtney the top hit in the land was Kiss by Prince. Bad as that sounds, thank GOD it wasn’t one year earlier. I’m not sure I could have performed knowing We Are the World was topping the charts as I was toppping Courtney.
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Birtday song was “Blue Moon” by the Marcels??
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one of my former bosses was referred to as “the used car salesman”…he just had that “look”, along with baggy dress shirts, smoking and persistent rumors of grain alocohol at his desk.
a bit clunky as an everyday nickname but it was effective and could be shortened to “Tucs” for emails.
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Question 1: “Quarter to Three” by Gary U.S. Bonds
Question 2: No, I don’t. I thought only girls kept track of all sorts of “anniversaries” in their lives. There are women where I work that know the exact date they joined the company, and every year on that date they say something like, “Hey, did you know you’ve been putting up with my antics for 12 years now? Boy, how time flies.” I imagine Buck must be that type of gal, if he knows the exact date his cherry was popped.
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Number one song when I was born was “Bad Blood” by Neil Sedaka. I don’t know who in the hell Neil Sedaka is and I don’t know if I’ve ever heard the song.
There’s a manager at my new job who I started calling Mister Miagi (I don’t know if it’s spelled right, but it’s the guy from Karate Kid). Turns out lots of people have been calling him that for years.
There’s a roofer guy that everyone calls “Squeeky” and I have no idea what that’s all about. But he seems fine with it.
My nickname is “Long Dong Silver”. Not really. But I wish it were.
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We called this guy who was short and had that doe eyed always young look about him “Fuzznuts.”
Number one on the day of my birth…..Chubby Checker’s “The Twist.”
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“If I can’t have you” by Yvonne Elliman
Had to no idea what it was but now that I’m listening to it, it sounds familiar. But a number one hit? Really?
No idea on the date of lost virginity…it was 1994 and that’s as close as I can get. I think it might have been snowing.
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Hey Jason, speaking of “Long Dong,” where’s the link to your penis pix? Even if you were just joking about those penis X-Mas cards, now that you’ve promised them to us, you’ve gotta deliver.
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Question #1 “If you wanna be happy” by Jimmy Soul from ’63 and #2 “Bad Girls” by Donna Summer from ’79.
Me and Jerry in WV used to work with a woman who we dubbed ADH, short for “Apple Doll Head”. Reason: She apparently had smoked for years, lost half of her teeth and had a recessed mouth that was sunk so far back in, she looked like one of those Apple Dolls that crafty people make. We also substituted in RPH for “Rotten Pumpkin Head” for the same person.
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Birthday song: Rumors Are Flying. Never heard of it, and I don’t think I want to, and I’m sure not going to pay to download it. We’ll just kinda put that one to sleep. Shhhhh! Be real quiet, and it won’t wake up anymore!
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I forgot about the first sex thing. I remember it but I’m not sure what year it was or anything like that. It was terrible. She was on her back and I was atop her. At one point she stopped me because I was no longer “inside her” but was simply ramming it between her butt cheeks. I’d appertly been doing that for some time and didn’t notice.
Luckily for me she stuck around while I slowly improved. Now I’m like a porn star.
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Good times Bill!!!! We used to come up with some great names! Surf City by Jan and Dean and You Don’t Bring Me Flowers by B. Streisand.
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Tossin and Turnin- Bobby Lewis. (Birth)
He Don’t Love You (Like I love you)- Tony Orlando and Dawn
“She Who Cannot Change a Pillowcase” AKA Olive Oyl is a woman I work with . She actually came in my office as I was reading the update. Also a guy named Andy, who we call “Uncle Andy” as in “Uncle Andy’s Campfire stories” because he comes over to our section and tells us the most fucking boring stories about nothing that I have ever heard. “Johnny Damon” is in the office next to mine. Also worked with Anwar Sadat at one job. The lawyer I last worked for was “Fucking Asshole”.
Have a Merry Fucking Christmas everyone!
http://thewvsr.com/awgholiday.htm
I’m checkin’ out for the weekend.
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Second Question: Not the first time, but it’s the one I want to remember: Flashdance … What a Feeling. How appropriate!
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John Cougar Mellencamp (just John Cougar back then, apparently) “Jack and Diane.” Personally I would’ve preferred the next year’s #1, “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”
Don’t really have any good co-workers nicknames – all of the offices I’ve worked in have been too small to do any decent shit talking – but at my last office, we called our UPS delivery guy Popcorn Joe.
He was always trying to pass himself off as a real ladies man, and when we gals were talking about him one day, my coworker theorized that he’s the kinda dude who’d stick his schlong in the bottom of a popcorn bucket at the movies and therefore force his date to touch it. After that conversation, we always referred to him as Popcorn Joe. Never gets old.
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I’ll play – birth day song “Sherry” by The Four Seasons.
re: nicknames: At a job I had long ago, we nicknamed a guy Boggin Head cause when he removed his toboggin, his hair still looked like his hat. Recently, while discussing this topic in my current office, my friend said that she once knew a Boggin Head but he let his hair grow THROUGH the knit of his boggin on a bet. nasty.
dental update – Since we were hit with about 14″ of snow Sunday, I convinced my dentist to fit me in and we started the proceedings on my broken toof. There was a little blood in the sink when I rinsed. normal? not for me. Now the temporary tooth?crown? fills like a big ol’ gob of chewing gum. I guess I can deal.
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Number one song on my birfday was I’m a Believer by the Monkees.
Lost my cherry the night my older brother got married, don’t recall the date but I could figure it out easy enough.
TILLY-May 25th was the day before the 85 Indy 500, the same day I gaduated from High School. Danny Sullivan beat Mario Andretti by 2.5 seconds by the way. Oh and the song ironically enough was Everything She Wants by Wham.
My office neighbor just gave a coworker a new nickname this morning. Our coworker was in an auto accident years ago and walks with a limp. There was a light snow on the sidewalk and limpy kind of drags the one leg, to my neighbor it loooked like he was dragging his dick in the snow. So new nickname was Peter Dragon.
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I Can’t Stop Loving You – Ray Charles (Birth)
We had a woman who sent out samples for us at my last job. She was an IDIOT – couldn’t get any sample order correct, no matter how simple. We called her “Corky” for the down-syndromed kid in the show from the 80s. My Life? Can’t remember the name, but something like that.
Thanks, Jeff, for another year of laughs. The last two years have been rough ones for me, and sometimes the only laugh I get is your updates. Thank you thank you thank you.
To Jeff and all my Surf buddies – HAPPY FUCKIN’ HOLIDAYS from the Knuckleheads. Hope everyone has a great one. I’m gonna start hoisting tonight and by Chrismtas night, I should have hoisted at least one for each and every one of you!
Happy Wednesday, Surfers!
Oh, and Buck – you are a freak (and I mean that in the nicest of ways!) =)
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The best nickname we have in my workplace is “Fartmaster Flex”. This dude will drop the bomb in any location, in front of anyone. A couple of examples…
- He once walked into my office and immediately unleashed a loud one. I gave him a standard question, like “What the F, man???” He said, “Oh yeah, sorry.” And then he started a conversation as if nothing had happened.
- Just a few days ago, we had a Happy Hour get-together after work for some drinks. I was sitting at a table with Flex and three other people, and every 10 minutes or so I’d detect hints of bad eggs in the air. And this was in front of some of the ladies that work with us.
- In an elevator. And it wasn’t silent. And it was with some of the executives of our company.
He’s on vacation for the rest of the week, but I may have to discuss this with him in the new year.
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1963. “Easier Said Than Done”……The Essex. WTH?!? Never heard of them or it.
Can’t remember EXACTLY when the stem was plucked off my apple. But I do know in was in my parents house, on the steps on the way to the second floor. Got the scars on my back to proove it…heh.
I worked for a OB/GYNE doc years ago. She looked like the Wicked Witch from the West in the Wizard of Oz. Black hair, big nose and all. She really didn’t have a nickname per se, but every time we saw her coming we’d hum the Wicked Witch theme song from the movie.
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There’s a guy here in the office that me and another buddy nicknamed “Robie Miller’s Boy”. This was in reference to Jerry Van Dyke’s character in an episode of The Andy Griffith Show. The dude looks exactly like a young JVD.
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Soldier Boy by the Shirelles.
I work with some lady who has the fugliest feet on a human, yet insists on wearing sandals in the summer. It’s that dry, cracked skin and yellow over- grown, bent and twisted toenails that has earned her the nickname “Hoof”.
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Bikerchick, the Essex was one of those all-girl black groups, sorta like The Supremes, that always sang with that “wall of sound” accompaniment. This song, though, had a rather pop, bouncy sound to it. As far as listening to it, just let sleeping dogs lie. You’ll thank me for it.
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The #1 song on my birthday wasn’t much better, “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart.” The #1 song when I lost my virginity (with Jeff’s caveat “was I really in there?”), was “Candle in the Wind.” And yes, before you look it up, I was 21 before I could buy a chick enough booze to sleep with me. And we were celebrating Jim Gilmore’s election as Virginia Governor to boot! The sex was just incidental. I’m such a loser.
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Crap. All the songs from my milestones are by Elton John. Dammit!
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Fat Dave, as far as I can rmember, your birthday song was the only song Elton John ever recorded with a female. Her name was Kiki Dee. Don’t know where I pulled that one from.
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I don’t remeber when it was that I first got laid, but I rememberall the name of the girls I got laid by except two. One had the nick-name Carpet-Burns and the other I didn’t really know well enough to give her a nick-name. I must have used up all me chances back then cause if I don’t get laid soon i’m going to turn back into a virgin. #1 song when i was born was by Dean Martin.
#1 song when I lost my V- was probably a Zepplin tune or some such thing.
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Greg, thanks for the history on The Essex! And thanks for the warning too. Pretty cool. After reading everyone else’s song list, I feel old as dirt.. >>heavy sigh<<
Happy Holidays to all my fellow Surfer's! I look forward to this madness every day. Here's to more belly laugh's with a little pee in the New Year, too.
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Question #1: Urgh — (You’re) Having My Baby by Paul Anka was #1 when I was born.
As for question #2, I can remember the year, possibly the season, but not the date. I’ve killed so many brain cells it would be impossible to call that one out of the memory banks. From what I can remember it wasn’t that great, but wasn’t a complete letdown either. Girl was a bit of a psycho, though.
Jimbo: at my current job, some douchebag seems to think that farting in the elevator is high comedy, apparently just as they are exiting and the doors are closing. Then the poor bastard that is unfortunate enough to get in the elevator afterward is treated to a foul stench. Fucking hell…first time it happened to me, I was coming back from lunch and got in the empty elevator; I did an about face and decided to take the stairs. Now I frequently take the stairs.
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Happy Christmas, surf reporters!
Song of my birth is something called “Wayward Wind” by a chick named, of all things, Gogi Grant. WTF?
As for virginity – I can remember the year and the month. But not the day. Does that count?
Nicknames – worked with an ugly chick who didn’t know it. She had a real wide mouth with lots of little peg teef, each separated by a space. She looked like she had a mouth full of Chiclets so that’s what we called her.
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ABC by the Jackson 5.
Nicknames- probalby the oddest one was mine. It was given to me by a bunch of my buddies frat brothers. The funny thing is that none of them had ever met me since I went to a differnet school. They used to tease my buddy that he had no friends, to which he would reply “Jorge is my friend”. I then became “Jack’s invisible friend” and was introduced as such at parties later.
As far as my first time, I don;t remeber the exact date but can tell you the approximate date to within about 3 days. I won’t tell you when or why, but it coincides with a significant historical event which I will also not name.
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Birth: Tie a Yellow Ribbon by Tony Orlando & Dawn
Virginity: Like a Prayer by Madonna — which cracks me up.. Pretty sure there was MUCH praying going on that night!
As for nicknames.. I worked at a bar in college. One of the bouncers was this big ole cowboy. He’d lasso girls he was interested in — it was a pretty good schtick. Girls would giggle and swoon. Then I got to talking with his ex gf, who was drunk, and she tells me that Mr. Sexy cowboy likes to wear women’s underwear!! From that day on he was the Jolly Rancher!! Still makes me giggle.
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Looks like bikerchick was in the same grad class as me and Mr. Kay. Helluva year, from what I can remember, which ain’t much.
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#1 on my DOB: “Every Breath You Take”, by The Police.
#1 on No-V-Day: “Hey Ya!” by OutKast.
The only reason I remember No-V-Day is because it was New Year’s Day.
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‘Yesterday’ by the one-hit-wonders the Beatles for me.
As for the Subway issue: Order ahead and then pick it up (will work at least once). Or send someone for you who is trustworthy and less likely to F-off the help.
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Birthday: Monkeys-I’m a Believer.
As for the other: Not a clue.
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Birthdate #1 — Respect by Aretha Franklin
I know the month and year in which I lost my virginity, but the date is a little fuzzy so the #1 song was either:
The Sign by Ace of Base — OR –
I Swear by All-4-One
Now, if you do the math, that makes me an old maid of 26 before I finally gave it up so Fat Dave has no cause to be ashamed. (Back then, I was a religious gal and stopped just short of wearing a purity ring. Began whoring around shortly thereafter to make up for lost time.) Why did I wait so long to lose it, and then suddenly give it up? My boyfriend was impossibly good-looking and as I found out right before we did the deed, very well-endowed. I like to think that I convinced myself that it as the chance of a lifetime. Later, I realized that size only matters if you know how to properly use the thing.
I couldn’t think of any inspired nicknames for coworkers until Madz reminded me of a woman who also should never have been wearing sandals. We called her “Frito” — as in Frito-Lay, maker of the corn chips that her toenails resembled.
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“Midnight Train to Georgi” – Gladys Knight and the Pips. If only I were one year older, It’d have been “My Ding-a-Ling” by Chuck Berry…
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*Georgia, not “Georgi.”
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We have a salesman in training that we call Beer Pong. Our company sponsors barbecues for the Texas Christian University games and it was his responsibility to store the leftover steaks and briskets in our travel freezer. Apparently he and the company owner’s son got caught up in a game of, you guessed it, beer pong and totally forgot about the freezer. Since the owner’s son was involved, us commoners aren’t supposed to know about the freezer incident so the Beer Pong nickname is just between us.
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Birthday – Yellow Rose of Texas, Mitch Miller
That’s just not right.
Loss of Virginity – Don’t remember the exact date, summer of 1969, Sugar, Sugar, The Archies
That is lame as well. As bad as the actual event. After two pumps, I said “that’s enough”, he said, “no it’s not”, and I said, “okay”.
As far as truly inspired co-worker nicknames, at the moment, I got nothin.
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Airandee – you’re birthday is the same as my brother’s!
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Nicknames?
Two guys, both named Bill, worked the night shift at the Chevron in my small, sawmill-infested hometown. One Bill was a friendly guy who didn’t give us high-schoolers shit about buying cigs and condoms from the station’s vending machines. The other Bill had an attitude, jailhouse tats on his hands and neck, and went out of his way to be unpleasant to customers of all ages. So the Chevron night shift crew was known to the whole town as “Bill” and “Shitty Bill.”
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I was born to: “aint that a shame” which both my parents were singing when they looked at me!
My very first time was to “daddy dont you walk so fast” which my girlfriend was singing to me! To this day I wonder why?
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Number one on the day I was born – “My Love” – Paul McCartney and The Wings
Number one on the day I became a woman – “Escapade” – Janet Jackson
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Jeff, don’t worry about the Subway dude, they have the same turnover rate as a Walmart, and he probably doesn’t even work there anymore.
Fat Secretary is what I call myself after the Mockable post (I used to be someone else), since about 50% of it is true. I am certain that people here in the office at least think that when I walk by, so it’s okay by me.
-but I do have a high IQ, it’s just that I am incredibly lazy.
Song when I was born: “Everyday People”-Sly and the Family Stone
Song when I lost my virginity (the only reason I remember is because it was on my bday) The truly mockable “How Will I Know?” By the truly mockable Whitney Houston.
Sigh.
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Heh, I forgot nicknames-we had an incredibly annoying, large sales guy with the most annoying laugh and sandy red hair. We called him “Peter” as in Peter Griffith.
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Good Evening Surf Reporters….
Today has been a maelstrom of shit and a gigantic Mongolian cluster fuck………I’m just sayin’
No. 1 song on my birth date was “You Keep Me Hanging On” by The Supremes.
We have some pretty cool nicknamed people rolling around here at my workplace:
The Deacon
Chipper
Skipper
Fat Man
Shazam
Pinkie
Uncle Harold
Someone tried to dub me “Johnny Rockets”, but it never stuck.
In other news, tonight my son, a Corporal in the Marine Corp was supposed to be strolling through the door in about 45 minutes. He just called me from Cincinnati to say there was a delay in taking off on his connecting flight in Minneapolis, and he missed his connection in Cincy by 5 minutes.
At best, he’ll land in Pittsburgh around 9:30. If we’re lucky. Meanwhile 60 some people are waiting at a local pavilion for his surprise party.
It’ll be a real surprise for them when he doesn’t get home until God knows when.
I’m going go have a drink.
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When I was working as a livery driver there was a regular passenger who weighed at least 400 lbs. She used to leave the limo smelling weirdly vinegar-like, thus earning her the nickname “Pickles the Cow”
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My birthday song is Running Scared by Roy Orbison. That’s pretty cool, just like Roy.
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Go on back to Subway, Jeff. There’s a turnover of employees in those places every couple of weeks. He probably skulked out, brokenhearted, after your last visit. He’s probably long gone and forgotten. Or he could be on the roof across the street with a sniper rifle, just waiting.
Birthdate #1: “Surrender” by Elvis Presley
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1. How Can You Mend a Broken Heart – Bee Gees
2. Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor
I call a guy in my office Travelocity, since he looks like the Roaming Gnome. It’s actually a term of endearment.
I call his boss Captain Douchebag.
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Where did our love go – the supremes
Don’t remember the month but lost my V apparently while Richard Marx was in. I was probably imagining it was with him.
Jeff & fellow surf reporters – Happy Holidays and thanks for a great year of big laughs. You guys are hilarious!!!!!
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I like my nickname…”Dave the Broom”. Was honered with that back in my car selling days. They’d send me out to get rid of people. “Dave’ll broom ‘em”! I worked retail counter sales and the owner had no problem with my eloquence in telling assholes to get the fuck out. In my own business…I’m still quite the “Broom” when needed.
Ok…Percy Faith (I got your back zazu the pits). Please…don’t anybody go look that up.
Question #2 and I’m not making this up…17 and on the road rooming with Derf (Fred the drummer). No music but I swear I detected snickering. He pretended to be asleep. Casselberry Fla.
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You people make me feel old – how about having to claim “Buttons and Bows” by Dinah Shore as a birthday song???
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The Ballad of the Green Berets!!! that is one cool song!!
Sorry, Lee Harvey.
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“Hell, I don’t even know if the first time was my first time. I might’ve had it in her purse, I’m not sure. The whole thing was quite ridiculous and clumsy, but we don’t need to get into all that, do we?”
ARE YOU KIDDING??? Of course you need to get into that – it would make a great post!! I’m laughing already, just remembering mine…..LOL
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How weird is that?
1: Too Much – by Elvis Presley
2: Too Much Heaven – by the Bee Gees
and Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas EVERY ONE
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“Do You Know Where You’re Goin’ To?” by Diana Ross. What the fuck! I want a do-over!
Merry Christmas to me…I got a job!!! So now the license in my wallet actually means something.
Merry Christmas Surf Reports….you make me laugh every single day and sometimes a day don’t get much better than that.
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Where did our love go – the supremes
Just looking back. wtf – where did the love go…. I guess that resulted in me.
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Birth – I Just Want to Be Your Everything by Andy Gibb. I have never heard the song and never want to. In fact, I’m kind of ashamed. Know of the singer.
Day I lost the V card – Together Forever by Rick Astley. In this case, I not only don’t know the song, I also have no idea of the singer. My shame continues. In any event, the title did not ring true for that particular companion. Though I may have made some promises, probably not though.
If it is any consolation to myself, which it is, I was listening to Led Zeppelin when the deed occurred. And yes, if you were to add up the number of years between the two, I was young.
Merry Christmas all.
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Number one on my birthday: “I Get Around” — The Beach Boys
On the “big day”, it was “Every Breath You Take” by the Police…hmmm.
Yesterday’s post about Christmas songs inspired me to make a mix of my favorites. You can download it or listen to it here:
http://retrollama.podomatic.com/
Merry Christmas, Surf Reporters! I hope that Santa brings you everything you want, and more.
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Merry Christmas Surf Reporters..
it all worked out in the end. It always does
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Nicknames:
- The boss at my old job would ask six different people several different varieties of the same question. Because he was completely unreasonable when it came to waiting for an answer to a problem and would blindly repeat the same argument, I dubbed him Rainman. And to this day, that rolls off people’s tongues before his name does.
- A classmate of mine was a loud, socially-unaware, nosey pain in the ass who methodically turned everybody against him by being himself. He annoyed some more than others, and because he shared traits with my father which drive me insane, I quickly dubbed him Kryptonite and absolutely could NOT function anytime he was nearby.
- A guy I currently work with is an only child, and occasionally he throws a mini-tantrum in an effort to get his way. One weekend he’d asked several people to pick him up from the local ferry terminal and I accidentally sent a text message to HIM asking “is somebody picking up His Majesty?” Without missing a beat he responded “yes, but I’d like an entourage” …and he’s been His Majesty (in those most sarcastic tone possible) ever since.
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Merry Christmas, Metten; get ready to blow your whistle. Such a lovely time of year, and I’m really sorry because I’m about to sound like a Grinch.
Either music matters or it doesn’t. I suppose there’s some middle ground, but if you’re “of an age” the middle ground on music looks like a white line covered with dead armadillos.
Since Billboard didn’t initiate their “Hot 100” until 1958, and previous “most popular” calculation excluded just about everybody but Pat Boone (fuck him) and Burl Ives (cooler than you think). Any calculation made after 1958 had to survive a couple of payola scandals and the corporatization of the music industry. It’s a small point, Jeff, but it’s more accurate to call this database the “Billboard Charts” or something like that.
From here the points get bigger. Greg, how did you manage to get everything about the Essex wrong (except their race) in such a short paragraph? As it happens, I really like the Essex’s two big hits, “Easier Said Than Done” and “A Walkin’ Miracle”; but nothing in the Essex limited repertoire sounds the least bit like a “wall of sound” or the least bit like The Supremes. They sounded very little like pop then (although heaven help us now) and “bouncy” isn’t in the ballpark.
Oh, and they were GUYS. They were Marines during the time of their two hits (they did hire a woman Marine to sing) and hired an extra band member because they kept getting transferred around. Biker, listen to those two tunes. Greg’s sleeping dog won’t hunt.
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Jason, I don’t expect you to know who wrote the U.S. constitution or who played shortstop to Jackie Robinson’s second base, but Neil Sedaka actually made money, which is how we gauge success in postmodern America. Sedaka wrote and sang so many top ten songs, I’m not gonna list any. He was a tin pan alley guy, working in the Brill Building down the hall from Paul Simon (when he was half of Tom & Jerry) and next door to Carole King.
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Zazu, Myrtle Audrey Arinsberg renamed herself Audrey Grant, and Dave Kapp, the A&R guy at RCA records called her “Gogi” after a restaurant called “Gogi’s LaRue.” “The Wayward Wind” was a huge song in 1956, then again in 1961. She was 32 when her big hit was recorded, perhaps still a chick, and is still rockin’ at 85.
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So I’m making two small points. Neither of them is as important as the solstace, the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem, or the birth of the Christian Savior, but they’re imortant to me:
1) Music matters: It sings our history, our love, our ovations, our faith and our joy.
2) Facts matter: My computer came with a kickass encyclopedia and links to places all over the world that overflow with information. Maybe you can get one like that.
I’m just sayin’…
jtb
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jtb – you’ve made me afraid to open my piehole….
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On the Billboard R&B chart, (which, until 1948 or so, Billboard called “race music” which was ugly but reflected the segregated status of American radio stations and America) I was born whilst “I Almost Lost My Mind” by Ivory Joe Hunter was #1. I didn’t miss “Rocket 88″ by all that much.
My virginity vanished sixteen years later while “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by the Temptations was #1 on the same chart. OK, so maybe I believe in musicstrology after all.
jtb
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ophah (not):
You know that’s not the point. This is an open piehole forum. I just asked Greg not to blow music off because it was made by Black chicks and Phil Spector even though the chicks were guys and Phil wasn’t there.
I thought Greg needed that information. Please open your piehole and fire away. I’m here most all night most every night at your serivce while the day shift is sleeping. I don’t know any more than you, but I know how to use Wikipedia and I damn well know The Essex wasn’t wimmen.
peace…jtb
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Piehole is re-opened. I am just heading to the airport and need it open to stick down some Christmas dinner. Peace back @ U jtb.
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not o…
I rarely eat at the airport, but I wish you fondest Christmas wishes anyway. Perhaps Santa will bring you “What Do You Care What Other People Think” by Richard Feynman as he did me last year.
Fly or eat safely (I’m unclear, but I can tell you aren’t).
jtb
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Hey Jeff…your bringing up the “Jiffy Pop hair” days brought to mind what I really think should be a question of the day. What with the book being published sometime in the future…What should your picture on the back of the book jacket be? I immediately thought of the Jiffy Pop hair, and those, oh so cute gym shorts you were wearing in the picture. However, I’m in the midst of my Winter readings of old Travis McGee novels. I love John D. MacDonald, but it always cracks me up seeing the old dude in slacks pulled up past his belly button, smoking a pipe while typing on a manual typewriter. Any thoughts on what your pictur should be like?
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Great link, Buck! Who would have known that I was born Elvis Presley cool in 1956…yet 53 years later the number 1 hit in the nation on my birthday would be “Fireflies” by Owl City. Unlike wine, I guess we humans DON’T improve with age! lol
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@jtb…Burl Ives was cool! If I remember correctly, wou are in Washington State? If you’ve ever been through Ananacortes on the wat to the San Juan Island ferry dock, Burl lived in the white house with the black wrought iron fence on theon the road to the dock, just before you round the last turn down to the landing. My wife used to deliver FedEx to him when we lived out there in the 90′s.
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jtb – Eating is on the intinerary for when I get off the plane. Gonna see some kin and they always just wanna feed people.
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Clint,
Cool connection with Burl. I was unaware of his Washington residence.
I’ve read all the Travis McGee novels and they are a hoot, Busted Flush and all. I’m currently listening to the entire Rex Stout/Nero Wolfe corpus on audiobooks. They are still amazing, even though I haven’t read them all in thirty years. I recommend them.
Burl Ives used his music and money to aid the Civil Rights movement in the 50s and 60s, and the free speech movement in the 60s and 70s. He worked on preserving traditional American tunes and songs. I respect him (respected him — he died in ’95 at 85. He was active till the end. A fine American.
jtb
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I can imagine that Jeff’s picture on the back of the book jacket would be like that one that was floating around of him taking a swig from a beer mug – his face was concealed. When he’s doing the Good Morning America, The Daily Show, Letterman circuit, his face will always have to be somewhat concealed, in half shadow or something, because I cannot imagine him ever giving it up – his full identity. He’s like a superhero that way. Maybe we already know him. Maybe he’s like Clark Kent.
anyway – y’all have a peaceful and fun holiday.
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Merry Christmas to Jeff and everyone here! Thanks for all the laughs.
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I was born to ‘Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine’-US and ‘I Heard It Through The Grapevine’-UK , which are both pretty decent.
‘Rock me Amadeus’ by Falco was at number one when I was fumbling and banging my way into my first teenage sex disaster.
I’m glad to say that both the music and the sex have improved over the years!
And on that festive note, have a good one guys.
I hope Santa’s good to you all.
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jtb: Thanks for the clarification regarding The Essex. You could have told me they were The Village People decades before their time and I would have believed you. What do I know? Have a wonderful Christmas.
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@ Alice in WV – reminds me of the neighbor Wilson (I believe) from Home Improvement – you never saw his whole face, usually hidden by the fence but they started getting more creative/lame as the show went on.
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Hey Alice, Jeff has posted his picture (fully-revealed face) a number of times over the years. I can remember one of him having an orgasm while eating a Krispy Kreme donut, and him getting chummy with SpongeBob Squarepants, to name a couple. I think there was even video of him sitting in the stands at a Yankees game. Check through the archives and you’ll find ‘em.
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And let’s not forget the teenage Jiffy-Pop-hair JayKay playing air guitar with a broom. But you’d never know that was the same guy as the Krispy-Kreme / SpongeBob fellow — years, pounds, and haircuts will do that.
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The Krispy Kreme is easy to find. Go to Best Of and scroll down to the link for Birth of a Donut Shop, click through to the second last page and wallah! Just don’t go too fast you don’t want to miss the picture “Excitement is in the air”
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Merry Christmas, my friends !
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Birthday # 1 4/19/77 Dont leave me this way , Thelma Houston
Virginity #1 Im guessing, June 96 “Crossroads” Bone Thugs N Harmony,
I’m a mechanic, I used to work with this guy who was always fuckin stuff up and leaving bolt loose so he got the nickname Lucy .
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My friend works for our township, and her boss is a witch of a married woman. However, her boss is having an affair with an equally abrasive gentleman they work with, who happens to have a very peculiar mustache. All this led them to the nicknames, Adolph and Eva.
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jtb – how did I manage to get everything about Essex wrong? Probably too much wine, but thanks for clearing all that up. I appreciate it! And Merry Christmas to Jeff and all the surf reporters!
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i win bitches 11-13-94 i lost my virginityness and the number one song was I’ll make love to you by boyz ii men.
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#1 song when I has born “It’s All in the Game”, Tommy Edwards
The date I was no longer a cherry boy, May 14, 1976. The lucky or unlucky girls name depending on your perspective was Debbie Cantrell and we made it in the back seat of my mother’s Grand Prix after the High School prom. Just remembering how awkward and clumsy I felt over the whole thing. I always thought it would something fantastic and fireworks would shoot out of my ass. But It never happened, we did it and when it was over we kinda drifted apart. Never saw her again after that summer.
Creative nicknames? My college bud went by the nick of “El Locko” and I went by the nickname “Lollipop Man”. My nick was given to me by several of my girlfriends at that time. Don’t know why!
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I share a birthday with Yvonne apparently. The song on my birthday is Jack and Diane. As for the other date, I can narrow it down to the month and year, but that’s it.
(I saw the other Kristy who has already commented, so I hope I don’t confuse anyone. I read all the time, but rarely comment.)
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Better late than never!
We had a regular customer we would call on a couple times a week who earned the nickname Throwmama because she had a surly attitude and looked exactly like that old woman from ‘Throw Mama From The Train’.
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Playing catch-up!
Birthdate song: “Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me” by Mac Davis. So you suppose my mom sung this while breastfeeding?
Virginity-Schminity: It was late summer ’92. So it was either “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot, “This Used to Be My Playground” by Madonna, or “End of the Road” by Boyz II Men. Any of which were appropriate to the occasion.
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1975: He don’t love you (like I love you) – Tony Orlando & Dawn
1993: Can’t Help Falling in Love – UB40
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I must say Im a veritable genius on dolling out nicknames.
Here are a few of my current best:
The accountant we call Gilbert Grape, because you would have to get a crane in to lift her dead body out in case of accidental death.
My boss looks (shit you NOT) a replica of Gimli from Lord of the Rings, but a female version.
I also have a friend whom I love to hate and have dubbed him X-FIles. The reason is simple. That is about how logical he is.
Enjoy
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I’d give that Subway another shot. The offending “worker” is probably not even employed there any more, between normal fast-food employee turnover and his complete unsuitability for any job having anything to do with customer service.
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