Fast Food Review: Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco

A few months ago Taco Bell announced they’d soon be unveiling a new taco that features a crunchy shell made of nacho-flavored Doritos.  It sounded fantastic, like one of those “Oh hell yes!  Why doesn’t this ALREADY exist?” situations.  And when the news was first being reported on the Internet, my email inbox was flooded with messages from folks who wanted to make sure I was in the ‘Oh hell yes!’ loop.

Clearly, the idea had touched a nerve.

My immediate thought: messy.  We’ve all heard the joke about the guy who goes to the doctor because his penis is turning orange.  After the doc asks if he’s been doing anything out of the ordinary, the patient says, “Nah, just the usual: sitting around watching porn and eating Doritos.”

So yeah, they’re messy and turn (at the very least) your fingers orange.  The thought of a taco shell constructed entirely of Doritos sounded delicious, but also a giant hassle.  It felt like I might need to be scrubbed down in one of those post-nuclear accident triage showers.  Yet I also suspected it would probably be worth it…

And today I finally experienced the awkwardly-named Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco.  I went the Supreme route, and had them add sour cream and tomatoes.  Yum.  As you can see in the Ads vs. Reality comparison, it stacks up pretty well.  Reality isn’t far removed from the advertisement pic.  I was impressed.

I thought the price of $1.99 each was a bit high, though.  People think of Taco Bell as super-cheap, but it’s a myth.  Years ago it seemed inexpensive, but not now.  Of course I was usually drunk when I ate there, so who knows?  I probably just handed the cashier my wallet and told him to take whatever was needed to pay for what I ordered.  You know, since the Rolling Rocks had temporarily rendered me mathless.

Today I bought (while stone cold sober) just two tacos, and was a bit irritated to see it blow the hell out of a five dollar bill.  Two tacos is not a meal, yet it wiped-out the better part of my loosely-enforced daily lunch budget.  Simply not feasible in the real world…  I’d need three tacos and a soda, which would cost close to eight bucks.  Who am I, Ted Turner?

Despite the price, however, they looked pretty darn good.  The regular Taco Bell taco is sometimes a sad affair, but this Doritos version, with the Supreme fixins, was an appetizing sight to behold.  And it smelled good, too.  I was prepared to be blown away.

But it was only OK.  It certainly wasn’t bad, but I felt like it under-delivered.  A taco made with Doritos should be one of the greatest things in the world, right?  Well… it wasn’t.  It was better than the regular taco, but that’s not saying much.

The shell was salty, with a good amount of Doritos dust insinuated inside it.  But it didn’t taste like Doritos, not really.  Plus, it was thinner and more fragile.  With each bite a large section shattered like glass, and the guts were exposed.  It seemed to be fresher than the regular taco shell, though.

And it didn’t turn my fingers orange.  The shell isn’t REALLY made of Doritos, it’s more of a Doritos/regular taco shell hybrid.  Which is why the familiar nachos flavor is subdued.  Nobody from Taco Bell called me, but I would’ve suggested they punch-up the Doritos taste a bit.

I thought it was a perfectly fine, but was hoping to be speaking in tongues.  The pedigree suggests more.  And at two bucks each, I probably won’t be ordering them very often.  Maybe as a fatboy top-off, but certainly not for an everyday lunch…  It’s too much for too little.

It’s funny, though…  As I type out my opinion here, I find that it’s evolving a bit.  I was going to award the Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco a C+, but I’ve reconsidered, based on the fantastic burps and belches I’m enjoying.  I know it’s kind of disgusting, but it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Excellent.  The burps have pushed it all the way up to a solid B.  This is an unexpected turn of events.  The tacos are not super-spectacular on the front end, but it’s a gastrointestinal investment, of sorts.  If you’re patient and disciplined, you’ll eventually reap the awards. Almost like a mutual fund.

Well-done, sirs!  Well-done.  I apologize for my hastiness, and almost not allowing enough time for the gassy magic to take hold.

Wow.  I might not even go to bed tonight.

More fast food shenanigans

38 Responses to “Fast Food Review: Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco”

  1. First?

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  2. Dos!

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  3. Maybe you should have waited until tomorrow morning, when you have completely processed the subject menu item?

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  4. Forth!
    .

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  5. I would have hoped that the “Doritos” taco shell would be absolutely impregnated with that salty neon MSG powder. But we take what we can get. And I’m happy to hear that this gift keeps on giving.
    .

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  6. The Doritos taco sounds pretty disgusting, but my opinion may be invalid because I think beets taste really good.

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  7. can’t argue with the value of an encore!

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  8. God I missed these. Great report.

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  9. i had mixed feeling about this one but i doubt im gonna try it knowing that its 2 bucks, thats crazy..

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  10. Man, I was hoping it was made out of an extra large Dorito, not a normal taco shell flavored with Dorito dust.

    Still gonna try it, I love nacho cheese Doritos but don’t eat them at all since I got the “cut that shit out or die” warning from the Dr.

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  11. I was impressed with the little cardboard sleeve. I hate when my taco cracks in half and falls out like a busted ass hole.

    They should add that to all the tacos they serve. Environment be damned, I don’t want to have to deal with the cracked shell mess anymor, now that I know the taco cradle exists.

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    Seanette Reply:

    I appreciate the cradle, too. :)

    I’m not that much for tacos, usually, mostly due to mess, but these are well worth it, IMO, and the Supreme are $1.69 here in Sacramento (regular are $1.29). My husband’s pretty hooked on these too.

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  12. In Vegas, could use about 12 about now.

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  13. Jeff…

    I think you might have misused the phrase “simply excellent” to mean simply excellent. But it’s your phrase, so what in fuck’s name do I know?

    jtb

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    Jeff Reply:

    You’re right! I’ve corrected the error by removing the “simply.” It was a momentary lapse of clarity, or somesuch.

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  14. “since the Rolling Rocks had temporarily rendered me mathless.”

    Bravo! I think I rendered myself mathless last night.

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  15. No thanks. I just got my blood pressure down to non-’sploding levels. This taco would surely jack it back up to “hypertensive emergency”.

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  16. Taco Bell truly is the mutual fund of fast food!

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    Shiny Rod Reply:

    Maybe more like the 401K, you get penalized for early withdraw…

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    Chuck in Belpre Reply:

    Penalized? Hell it caused my divorce.

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    johnthebasket Reply:

    Dammit Chuck, Diet Pepsi sprayed across my screen and my 22-pound grey Irish cat. I’m going to need some of those crime scene cleanup guys to get this straightened out.

    But the laugh was worth it.

    John

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  17. I worked at TB when I was in High School which is why I don’t eat there… Besides, one day, all restaurants will be called taco bell. Well, that and if you believe in everything they put in Hollywood movies (Demolition Man).

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  18. I am totally pissed that it’s called “Doritos” (plural) when it is clearly only one thing. A single Dorito (no “s”), shaped like a taco shell. It’s not like they’ve patched together a handful of Doritos and fashioned them into shell form. No, it is one – ONE – fluid form.

    And. it looks kinda gross anyway.

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  19. I got one of these and was disappointed. I dislike crunchy tacos anyhow because it just doesn’t seem logical to use a food delivery system that shatters when you bite into it. It’s also open on both ends – makes no sense!

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  20. Glad you’re out there doing the science for us. If I were to eat window food It have to be accompanied by a beer. More than likely the tenth or twelvelf beer that got me to that window in the first place.

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    dto Reply:

    That seemed somewhat snobbish. Hell…everything I eat involves a beer, wine or a Messican Slushie…(Actually I get mine “rocks”), I’m south of San Antone and poised to hit it into Laredo in the AM. The truck stop I’m at for the night has a Subway and a Carl’s Jr. Not a taco anywhere…down here?????

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  21. Great review. Dammit, i haven’t eaten at taco bell in years, but now I feel that i need to go find one to experience “the belch”. I’m such trend whore! Pass the “fire sauce”, please.

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  22. I haven’t been to Taco Bell in years. Sounds like wicked heartburn to me. But it does look yummy.

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  23. I ate three of these things at the Swallows Day Parade in San Juan Capistrano on Saturday. It is the largest non-motorized parade in the US, although they let a paralytic in an electric wheelchair participate this year, which I suppose spoils the whole drunks-on-horseback theme.
    I could have eaten ten of those tacos – just as addicting as a bowl of Doritos when you are positioned in front of the bowl for a March Madness party. Thank God for the long line to get more, combined with my personal laziness in wanting to stay in my chair for more equestria and bag pipes

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  24. I haven’t eaten at a Taco Bell in awhile, but rather have become a fixture at the drive-thru of my local Schnitzel Shack.

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  25. We used to get shrimp-flavored Doritos in Korea.

    Do you think Taco Bell in Seoul will be selling shrimp flavored Dorito tacos?

    Mmmmmmm…….. *burp*

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  26. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/hippies-head-for-noahs-ark-queue-here-for-rescue-aboard-alien-spaceship-7584492.html

    These people have yurts, Jeff likes yurts….. They should yurt together!

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  27. Rarely do I take time to comment on the oddles of blogs I subscribe to but I just had to on yours.

    Somehow I have missed the Ads vs. Reality section. LOVE IT!! Renea.

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  28. [...] WV Surf Report reviews Doritos Locos Tacos. [...]

  29. In order to keep the cost down you have to order the 3 taco supreme combo and tell them you want doritos locos supreme tacos. That way you get 3 tacos and a drink for around 6 bucks depending on where you live versus 2 tacos and a drink for 8 bucks

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  30. It was good, but very messy. The shell is so weak that everything fell through the bottom when I took a bite. And yes, there was a cradle, but it does little good since you won’t be eating through it.

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  31. Add in some random swearing, and this guy could write for cracked!

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  32. Here the regular supreme is $1.89 and the Dorito’s Supreme is $1.99. So in comparison it is well worth the extra .10 IMHO. The underlying story here is the non-value of the taco’s as you clearly surmised. I find that they do have a great taste to them, but then again I am able to eat ten of them at a sitting with a large soda to suck it all down.My wife being a light eater needs at least 4 to get her fill so I don’t feel like a 6’3 245 lber eating 10 is excessive. I usually stop at 7 and give three to my wife and then she orders an extra if she doesn’t get full (most of the time). I just published pictures of the Hardee’s BBQ burger thingamabobber and a frined linked me to here. So if you see it of FB it was me lol

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Thanks for stopping by! My name is Jeff Kay, I was born while JFK was president, and it's all very embarrassing and corny. Today I'm a suburban husband and father, who is sometimes accused of being a bit tightly-wound. The West Virginia Surf Report! is my creative outlet, and insurance policy against completely losing my shit. I hope you'll stick around and participate in the lively community of geniuses and curmudgeons who hang out here every day. I love a full 87% of them! And while you're at it, please follow me at Twitter and Facebook.

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