Did you have a drivers education class in high school? Apparently it’s quite rare nowadays, and even Toney, who is only three years younger than me, had a watered-down version. She never actually went out driving in a real car, they used a simulator of some sort, at the school.
Not us. We went out on the roads, in a funky car with a brake pedal on the driver’s side and the passenger side — so the teacher could hopefully stop the vehicle before it went crashing through a brick wall like the Kool-Aid man.
I remember several close calls inside that shitty K-car. One girl went sailing WAY off the road, and we nearly rolled down an embankment. I was sitting in the backseat at the time, with a painful, prolapsed sphincter.
Another girl took out a section of a chain link fence, but thankfully I wasn’t along for that ride. Sweet sainted mother of Clarence Earp!
Toney was surprised that we actually had a drivers ed car, and they allowed us on the public roads. Is that unusual? We just took it for granted. What do you remember about it? Do you have any stories to tell? Use the comments link below.
During that class my friend Tim and I wrote alternative captions for nearly every picture in the textbook, and they were funny as hell. At least we thought so at the time. It was a semester-long project, and almost every entry was comedy gold.
We vowed to steal that book at the end of the year, but didn’t do it. I wish I had it now. It was one of my greatest high school achievements. …Hey, I didn’t exactly have lofty goals in those days.
And speaking of olden times, my friend Mike posted this photo at Facebook last night. It’s our Little League team — sponsored by the town’s dentists (heh) — and I’m standing in the back row, second kid from the left.
I usually played first base, sometimes third, and wasn’t very good. But the team was great. The kid to my left, Danny B., was one of the best players in town, and Mike was really good, too. He’s in front of me, middle row, first on the left.
I remember the coach on the left — Dean Thomas — screaming at me: “What are you doing leaning up again’ the wall, Kay?! Move your ass!!” He also told me, in front of the whole team, that if it wasn’t for my fielding, I’d be “sittin’ the bench.”
Ahhh, so many fond memories…
No, I’m only joking. It was a lot of fun. Among many other things, I was involved in a pivotal play at third, near the end of the season, against the only other team that could challenge us.
A big ol’ bruiser named G.G. (I’m not kidding) blasted a line drive to the wall, and didn’t even pause at second base. He just kept on running, and the ball and G.G. arrived at third base at almost exactly the same time.
He put a football tackle on my ass, and there was nothing but a big cloud of dust. And when the smoke cleared I was in a crumpled heap, but held up the ball with my throwing hand. Somehow I’d caught it, and not dropped it, and the ump made a great big, dramatic OUT! sign.
It was fantastic! G.G. started crying, and all my teammates were there patting me on the back. I believe it was the final out of the game, but that might not be accurate. It was certainly a highlight, though. I think Coach Thomas even congratulated me. Unheard of!
And I’m calling it a week here, my friends. I’ll be back on Monday, at the latest. But I’ve been known to crank out a Saturday update, so we’ll see how that goes…
I have a quick Question, in addition to the Driver’s Ed topic above, and your fond (or otherwise) memories of Little League. I’d like to know if you’re aware of anyone who’s gotten into trouble with their employer, because of something they wrote online?
This has nothing to do with me personally, but I sorta know someone who was fired last week, because of something they posted on Facebook. Do you know anyone who’s gotten into hot water for internet shit-talking? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And I’ll see you guys next time.
Have a great day!