Doom, gloom, and golfing with the dead
A few nights ago Toney and I were watching the local TV news, and they did a story about a recent appearance here by the Harlem Globetrotters. Apparently they sold-out a large arena in Wilkes-Barre, and tickets cost as much as $70 each.
And how was this portrayed, you ask? That’s correct, as yet another sign of a weak economy…
A person might be tempted to believe difficult times would cause fewer tickets to be sold to such an event. But that’s not the case, according to the reporter. The fact that the joint was packed to the rafters, with smiling fans buying up souvenirs and cotton candy, is a sure sign the economy is in a shambles. Because everybody’s seeking escape.
Oh, for the love of all that’s holy… If the Globetrotters had come to town and the arena was half-empty, do you think they’d report that the economy is showing signs of turning around? You know, since fewer people are in need of escape? I somehow doubt it. I think the final verdict would be exactly the same, no matter how many people happened to show up to that “game.”
I believe the reporter went into the story with a pre-formed conclusion, and backwards-engineered that shit. That’s what I believe, and it agitates me. Because there’s more than enough genuine doom and gloom to go around, and no real need to manufacture more.
But whatever.
The Secrets (I still haven’t settled on new internet names) are participating in a beginner’s golf clinic, at a school in Scranton.
Usually Toney takes them to stuff like that. But she’s busy with other things, and I’ve been carting them all over (as one of my aunts would put it) carnation. There’s no difference for the boys, really, except I provide better restaurant pre-meals, and a higher grade of profanity.
The first week I had to use our GPS device to find the place. It’s in a neighborhood I didn’t even know existed, and which caused me to make sure all our doors were locked. Since there seemed to be a whiff of urban decay in the air, complimented by the subtle tones of folks who long ago said fukkit…
Everything seemed OK until we passed under a rickety railroad bridge. Then it all went wobbly. In fact, it felt like we were being influenced by our surroundings, and taking on the general vibes of the place. It was like something out of a Goosebumps book.
My car was quiet and smooth until that bridge, then it seemed to start rattling, and I thought I heard something fall off. The hell?? When we stopped I was sure I’d discover the fenders eaten-up by rust, and one turquoise door.
And here’s the really weird part: I was completely confident that if we broke-down in that area of town, I could diagnose and fix the problem myself! Will somebody please hold me?
We found the school (a high school? who the hell knows?) and it looked like a prison. The thing was hulking, kinda gothic, and at least eighty years old. And the fact that it’s also built on a bluff, elevated above everything else in the neighborhood, made it even more imposing.
“OK, get out! I’ll be back in a couple of hours to pick you up,” I told the boys, to break the tension in the car.
Of course I wouldn’t leave them outside the gates of a haunted 19th century penitentiary, that was just some more of my “comedy.” I parked behind the school, and there were several young toughs hanging around in their hoodies and menacing expressions.
This just keeps getting better and better…
We were a little early, and I didn’t see any other parents about, so we sat in the car and waited. Eventually they started rolling in, many carrying their own golf clubs, and entered the school through a door at the rear of the building.
We joined them, and it reminded me of the lighthouse at Cape May. It must’ve been five hundred steps up, in a tight circleish square, and all us parentals (as well as a few of the unknown dumplin’ children) were gasping for air when we reached the top. Holy shit! What kind of maniac designed that crap? It was sadistic.
We followed the crowd into a gymnasium straight out the FDR era. I’m not kidding, I’d bet good money the place was built during the early part of Roosevelt’s administration, or possibly Hoover’s. The scoreboard itself should be in the Smithsonian. It was amazing.
But the guys running the clinic (or whatever they call it) seemed OK, as did the other parents and kids in attendance. I hung around for thirty minutes or so, just to be sure I felt right about everything, and sneaked away. I wanted to go to Staples and buy a new ink cartridge for my printer.
And as soon as I passed under that bridge again, my car stopped rattling, the music sounded fuller and richer, and it seemed like every bolt tightened.
Eventually, I expect to learn that all the other kids at that so-called clinic died during a 1940s TB outbreak, and are, in fact, ghosts.
Stay tuned.
Have you ever gone into something you thought would be innocent and wholesome, only to find it a tad creepy? If so, tell us about it.
Also, if you believe you’ve seen any ghosts, or UFOs, or anything like that, we’d sure like to know about that as well. Use the comments section below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Filed under: Daily
FIRST- REALLY???!!
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Every time I go to work….*old* building
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Toid?
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Wow – now to read the update
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Ta-da!
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6th?
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Meat ship and the butt-crack man. Next on NBC.
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Top Ten
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top 10!!!
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That’s like the dork country sheriff in Harrison County in the Wheeling area in WV giving the world his opinion that recent home invasions were spawned by the “bad economy”. First, he couldn’t possibly know that and second, how does announcing that to the world help catch the sleazeballs who have been doing them? I still can’t figure out what he was getting at with that statement.
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they use the same excuse for why movie sales are doing well, for an “escape” – beacuse renting one isn’t just a bit cheaper…
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I was living in Boston and my roommate and I went to pick up his sister from her dorm at nursing school. I basically knew where I was going, but took a wrong turn and wound up in the WRONG section of town. I started to say, “Lock your door!”, but he was already on it. We whipped around the block and got the hell out of there!
No ghosts.
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the media is famous for encouraging fear mongering behavior. I can almost not watch the news right now because simply everything points to a bad economy. Yeah yesterday when my company let another 20 people go that was enough of a sign for me.
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When my husband and I were dating we went to a mom and pop restaurant for breakfast. The place was packed to the gills with familys after church but the only noise was silverware clanking around. There was a “feeling” in the air of something was just not right. I swore we had stepped into the twilight zone. I was half expecting to walk outside and we would be in a parallel universe.
We agreed to never ever eat there again.
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<>
Oh great, Jeff. Ring the dinnerbell for every nutjob within earshot.
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I could tell you stories but ya’ll would just make fun of me, so i won’t! (I am basically here just marking mt spot)
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same here, Trisha… I’m keeping my mouth shut today.
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!
First things first. You know damn well the guy in the Bunker Cam 153 (Thanks, Jim Britton!!) pic stinks really bad. I’m just saying but jeezum crow, lookit that guy!
If one can equate a feeling of deja vu creepy, then I got a good one.
Years ago my Grandma and I took a train from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia for a weekend of historic sightseeing etc.etc.
We were in Independence Hall and I walked up the flight of stairs to look out into the back courtyard. As soon as I stopped at the railing to look, I was hit by a sense of “being there before” so hard it almost made me faint.
I just knew that maybe in a former life and time I had stood in that same spot, looking out over the very same scene.
I’ve experienced deja vu quite a few times, but nothing ever ever like that. It literally knocked me for a loop and I wasn’t feeling right for a few days following.
Definitely weird and creepy
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damn it that didn’t work !!
Thanks Jim Britton ™
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Wow, top 20!!!
Quixtar, we don’t sell hope, we sell soap!!! Boy were they creepy…
But then again, I did go and join the Navy to see the World and boy she is ugly when she wakes up in the morning.
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This story has been passed down to me from my parents, who don’t tend to make things up.
They were driving up I-75 (possibly through West Virginia) and it was about midnight or maybe even later. They were getting tired and wanted to stop somewhere for the night. They pulled off at an exit and drove a little ways into the nearest town. They said here it was the middle of the night and the streets were filled with people just walking. When they drove through town everyone stopped and watched them. They stopped at a little drugstore or restaurant kind of place to see where they might be able to sleep for the night. Everyone in the place watched them walk in and the lady at the establishment made it pretty clear that there was nowhere for them to stay that night. They hightailed it out of there.
The details are sort of fuzzy for me, but they remember it all pretty clearly.
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@Swoosh – just turn to a hip hop station crank up the bass and they won’t even notice you.
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@TILLY – the economy is not bad, it just needs a good spanking and put it to bed without dinner.
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Christa, if you were driving through WVA, or even VA on I-75 that would be a pretty scary story.
T
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My Favorite Ghost Joke
A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?’
About 90 students raise their hands.
‘Well, that’s a good start.
Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?’
About 40 students raise their hands.
‘That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously..
Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?’
About 5 students raise their hand.
‘Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’
Three students raise their hands.
‘That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…
Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?’
Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have sex with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ‘So, Bubba, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?’
Bubba replied….
‘Shiiiiiiit!! >From way back there I thought you said ‘Goats…’
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>Have you ever gone into something you thought would be innocent and wholesome, only to find it a tad creepy?
My Marriage.
And for my wife, who reads the report, just kidding.
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My family was driving cross country from California headed to the east coast (New Jersey OK) back in the 60′s. My dad was looking for a hotel somewhere around Kansas city to put in for the night because he was getting a bit tired and it was raining cats and dogs, the wind was whipping up something fierce and lighning all around us. For some unknown reason the station wagon just stalled out and screeched to halt in the middle of the road. The lightning crashed alll around us and then a huge tree fell across the street just ahead of the vehicle. Had we been still driving the tree would have fallen right on top of the car. My dad shouted a few hail marys and turned the ignition switch and the car started back up. We all look at each other and nobody said a word for the rest of the evening.
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@Chris McMahon – dude, you are so gonna be in the dog house…
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I’m taking a cue from Trisha aka Mrs.Wally and Brandy and keeping my mouth shut on this one.
I think I give the surf reporters enough ammunition to make fun of me. I’m taking the day off.
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Nothing weird here, just the kid who used to sit on the end of my bed when I stayed the night with my grandparents. He didn’t live there or talk to anyone. Or even exist accoring to everyone but me. He was there more than once though. I quit staying the night.
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according
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A few years ago I had a girlfriend (who has somewhat of a sixth sense) stay at my house to “babysit” my dogs while on a week’s vacation. When we returned, she asked who had lived in the house before we did. I told her 2 brothers and a sister, none of which married. She then went on to tell me that while walking past a very old mirror in the livingroom at night, she saw an old woman’s reflection in it. I had purchased this mirror at an estate sale….so who knows who this was…the woman who use to live in my house or did she “come with” the mirror….. Creepy.
I went to school in a place located in downtown Pittsburgh. The place was a dungeon. It hadn’t been updated, I swear, since the 1950′s. Riding the elevators were an experiment from hell…..didn’t know when to jump or if I was gonna get jumped.
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Pittsburgh is a creepy old dump. Unless you are inside one of the modern sports facilities the whole place looks like a fucking ghost story waiting to happen and half the inhabitants look like cultists or serial killers.
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A couple of months ago I stopped at a Walgreens and as I walked torawds the door I heard someone saying, “that’s right, that’s right, that’s right” over and over again. I looked over and it was a black homeless looking man, sitting on the sidewalk masturbating himself. He was nodding up and down as he was saying, “that’s right” and he was looking right at me.
I said something to the guy behind the counter. The two of us walked back out and he was gone. It couldn’t have been more than 30 seconds. I don’t think it was a ghost though. Just creepy.
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Just last Saturday decided to take advantage of the fake Spring & go for a drive in the Country! Did a google search for Country pubs & found :The Copper Kettle” in Glen Williams Ontario I have lived here for 20 +years & never heard of Glen Williams Jump in the car punch up the GPS & no Glen Williams! Found it on Google maps & off we went! Well there it was, an old mill town on the river a dozen 18th century buildings in a valley just like sleepy hollow! and bang smack in the middle the copper kettle! It was just like walking into a Stephen King novel! As we walked in everyone stopped talking & stared at us. the chairs were covered in needlepoint that had 200 years of ingrained filth the walls wee covered with ancient photo’s
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Part 2: and a layer of dust an inch thick! A large behemoth appeared from behind the bar & asked if we would like menu’s or just drinks just as a waiter out of the addams family came out of the kitchen carrying a plate of something carbonized & served it to one of the silent starers. By now the wife is frantically kicking me under the table & motioning her eyes towards the door. But they had Smithwick’s on tap so I had to have one! swallowed that sucker down & got the hell out of Dodge!
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Smithwick’s is delicious. I found a 6 pack at a gas station a few days back. I think they raped me on the price (about $9) but it was worth it.
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~bennigan’s nazi
them are fighting words. Unless you actually are from this area, then you’re just about right.
But honestly, I can think of at least a half dozen places that would be a worse place to live other than the ‘Burgh.
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I know I already posted a while back about how my former house out near Cincinnati was seriously haunted. I recall giving Jason the heebie-jeebies, so I’ll refrain from going back there.
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I mean, refrain from talking about it. And going back there, actually. Damn this Daylight Saving Time, I’m so out of sorts!
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I was about seven I’m guessing and woke up one night feeling pressure on my chest. There was somthing sitting next to my bed that looked like the alien things you see now (the taller ones), holding me down with both arms onto my bed. He/ it looked at me and made a “hummmf”, grunting sound. I was not dreaming and it was a total FREEEAK!! Abduction thing? It was real! Real to this day!
As a kid I also “had a dream” (not!) where I sat at the end of my bed with a gorgeous Malaysian girl with high headress, long finger nails and boobies showing. She held me and drew her nails across my back. Where the fuck would that come from at seven years old? (I Dearm of Jeannie wasn’t out yet)
Lived in an old house in Vegas. My wallet disappeared for three or four days. Looked everywhere even in / under the laundry pile. Moved the pile piece by piece. Not there. Found it under the laundry pile after the three or four days. Ghost tricks!
Same house…I would wake up in the middle of the night with the stereo/ radio playing 40′s big band stuff and people laughing. I’d get up and find the system off and no one there. Again…not dreaming.
Same house…Me and the girl friend came back from grocery shopping, bags in hand. I sat mine down on the table in this little dining area and followed her into the kitchen to help, my back to that table. She turned to hand me a bag and I heard a…CRASH. Her eyes were total FREEEAK. Both the bags I sat on that table were now on the floor and she said she watched them slide to the end of the table and fall off. Paper bags placed well on the table!
Same house..I set up a typewriter on my desk and left a message that said they could talk to me here. I would call out to them and ask them to show up. There was a huge fan dance kinda feather thing on the wall so I used to call her “Tits LaRue” and I called her friend Buddy. Quite the pair I imagined. I eventually moved (not because of them) and I guess they stayed.
Bev’s got a motel road story about being asleep and something grabbing and pulling her feet, trying to drag her out of bed. She’s got more ‘sightings’ too.
Fishing one time at about 4:30 am. Total quiet. Off in the far distance dogs, lots of dogs, start barking. About five minutes later this orange/ red thihg goes blazing overhead (maybe only 5 miles up) and stays course not (falling). Bang…gone.
More but I’ll go. I’ve got to start working on my foil hat…as an antenna.
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I do historic renovations for a living, so I have a lot of times when I am crammed in a very old very dark place and constantly think I see ghosts. Shortly afterward I run away like a little girl until I find other people and light.
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My son travels the country with a band working as their drum tech and stage manager. They were in DC one time with a day off so he decided to take a sight seeing trip of our nation’s capital on his own. An hour before dark he needed to head back toward the hotel. He figured that in his trip thus far he had gone this way then that way and instead of back tracking he could just take a short cut through here. The neighborhood was getting worse and worse but the thought of being scared hadn’t even entered his mind…until he heard an old, black woman sitting on her front porch say, “There goes the bravest white boy I ever seen”.
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I had an experience like that once, and nightmares for days afterwords. In fact, I’m STILL
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I had an experience like that once, and nightmares for months afterwords. In fact, I’m STILL too creeped out to talk about it.
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and I STILL can’t type fer shit. I’m not drunk.
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Meat Ship for Dinner Har!!!
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In the Air Force, Top Secret clearance, 5 years at the NORAD Cheyenne Mountain Complex. What do you think?
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Jeff:
I love the way you have snazzed up the front page. The ads are all in a nice box and the extras on the navigation rock. Cool icons BTW.
Is html school paying off so soon?
I have so grounded myself that I feel comfortable most anywhere. It’s a decent attribute to have.
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I forgot to mention that it was the early ’70s or late ’60s when my parents happened upon that weird town in the middle of the night. I asked them and they said it was around Virginia or West Virginia somewhere. Anyone from that area have any idea what might have been going on?
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My Opinion on the Economy:
Working for 12 dot com companies I can attest the economy is not in the shitter. Don’t believe the hype. People lost jobs because they worked for companies that were not fwd thinking.
The great citizens of America are still spending frivolously .
Oh yes they are.
I am not sure WHY every aspect of media is set on spreading this urban legend of doomsday. Turn Off Your Television.
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Let’s see…driving to Florida, we were running at about a quarter tank, saw a sign for gas and considered stopping off somewhere while driving on the WV Turnpike…which was a poor idea–combination gas station strip club on the left, and a even poorer looking gas station on the right. Needless to say, four grown men all looked at each other and went “We don’t really need gas that badly.”
The other one would be making an incorrect left turn in Cleveland, and accidentally turning into an area where young white males are “Not welcome” needless to say, I high-tailed it out of there rather quickly.
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Too many of those “not right” experiences to count, but the one that comes to mind was really odd in particular. I was in the grocery store with my eldest (then 6 years old) and we walked by this woman. She was dressed nicely, nothing odd. but for some reason she gave off the weirdest vibe. I literally wanted to run away from her and FAST but I thought that well… it was Wal-Mart after all, so there could be another psychic freak in the chip aisle too for all I knew. I tried to blow it off until my daughter said “somethng is just NOT right about her – I wanna go home!!” and lo and behold – that Wal-Mart was normally so busy that you needed a shoe horn and lube to get into the aisle yet everyone was parting before her like the Red Sea. Kids crying, the works. It was freaking unreal and I still get the willies thinking about it.
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I think the media is spreading the economic doomsday message so if Obama’s “stimulus” doesn’t work they can excuse it by saying “see, we told you it was bad” or “it was even worse than we thought”.
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“Young toughs”…now there’s a phrase you don’t see used much anymore. You rock, Jeff.
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1974 or so my folks took us out to the left coast for a 3-week vacation. Drove from San Diego all the way up to Seattle, stopping at ‘destinations’ along the way. On one of our many adventures (which included having the gas siphoned from our rental car in Gilmour CA), we decided to eat at one of the ‘popular’ restaurants in San Franciso. I forget the name now, but it was one that Rollie Fingers used to shill for. We walked in, and instantly noticed that things were not quite as ‘charming’ or ‘wholesome’ as one might have hoped for. This feeling was topped off when the gentleman two tables over fell asleep headlong into the pool of puke he’d just deposited on the table. His fellow bums didn’t bat an eye, but instead returned to shuffling around layers of clothing, combing their hair with their fingers, and gumming Rollie’s famous bread pudding.
Ah, the 70′s. Life was good n’ raw back in the day.
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We’ve been in our 100+ yr old house for about 10yrs. About 15-20 times/yr, I’ll hear distant-sounding music from my bedroom but the sound goes away when I investigate. I used to think it was a car radio or the house next door, etc., but I can only hear the music from my bedroom. I don’t even bother getting out of bed to look for the source anymore. Recently, I hear conversations and I did look for that.
I know sound insane. nutty. My husband has heard the music before so it’s not just me, tho.
I’m going to shut it now. the more I talk about it, the worse I sound
But, Tammie, Brandy, and Trisha aka Mrs. Wally – c’mon! don’t be shy NOW!!
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Alice in WV…don’t I get myself in trouble enough without you egging me on?
Seriously…I’m skipping this one.
Everyone already knows I’m a nut. They don’t need “further evidence” of that.
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Bennigan’s Nazi-
Hold up there Sparky…. You’re talkin about the town I love!!! HA! However, you are partially right. Downtown Pittsburgh at night can be a little scary. Once the working class scadattles out at 5PM the only thing left are Night of the Living Dead, except the Cultural District. Ashame really…there are some great bars/restaurants and shopping. Not to mention PGH Penguins!!
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Years ago, we were driving on I81, and got hungry and started looking for a place to eat. It was 10 o’clock or so on a Sunday night, and fast food wasn’t looking appealing, so I was keeping an eye out for a truck stop type 24hr place. We pulled into a parking lot of a restaurant and walked up to the door and saw the staff inside mopping and stacking chairs, so we turned around to leave. A waitress unlocked and opened the door and hollered for us to come in, which we did. She said that the kitchen was closed, but we could have sandwiches or leftovers from the buffet. I had the fried chicken, and friends, that was the best fried chicken I have ever eaten, and lots of it. On top of it, they made us milkshakes which also rocked. Our tab? About $15. Here’s where it gets weird- I’ve been back through that stretch of I81 many times since, and have specifically sought out that restaurant, and it is not there.
For the record, I was not high.
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Some of these stories are resembling Pee Wee’s Big Adventure- Anyone been picked up by Large Marge?
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This is a little off-subject, but I wanted to let everyone know that tator tots are not useful in ping pong, and that proving this theory is frowned upon by bartenders.
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I also live in a 100 year old house. We’re almost sure ghosts move things around and make noises to the point that we just are immune. People that stay overnight are usually freaked out by the experience of the noises…..
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Peter, this has made me think that I’ve probably become a little casual about stuff, too. Between that and the weird looks I get when I say stuff like, “last night my son came in and bounced on the foot of my bed – scared the crap outta me. but when I turned to yell, he wasn’t there.” I’ve stopped mentioning it – except to all y’all out there in the cyber world. i can’t see you’re weird looks or eyes rolling. but Jeff Kay rang that dinner bell, dammit
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Sometimes I’ll move things around just to fuck with the ghosts…
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Point Pleasant WV is about one of the creepiest places I’ve ever been at night. And, of course, I keep returning, at night. The Point has a pull, it has an aura. Sleepy, but with secrets.
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One Wednesday morning a few years ago, my oldest daughter who as 4 at the time came into the kitchen carrying a picture. It was a picture of a girl on a bed with a couple of larger figures with wings above her. We asked her what the picture was. She said the girl on the bed was her and the other figures we’re Grandpa Joe (my wife’s father) and the other one was “Mommy’s mommy” (my wife’s mother had passed away before our daughter was born so she didn’t really know her) We asked her why they both had wings and she said they were angels and they had come to see her the night before. We told her what a nice picture it was (although a little odd) and didn’t think much of it. The next day, Thursday, I got a call from my wife that her dad had passed away. They eventually determined that he had died Tuesday night, the night our daughter had gotten a “visit” from them. We still have the picture of course. Sort of creepy but in a very very nice way.
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