I’ll give you a warning now, this probably isn’t going to be very funny, and probably won’t be very long, either. So, if you’d like to jump-ship now, I certainly won’t hold it against you. In fact, I’d recommend it.
At the risk of sounding like a whiny bitch-boy, I’m in the midst of a low-grade funk. Things aren’t going particularly well, I’m tired, and discouraged. I feel like I need to go to the top of a mountain somewhere, strip off all my clothes (that’s required, right?), sit in the lotus position, and take stock of my life.
OK, maybe I’ll leave my drawers on… I don’t like the thought of ants on my scrotum. But you get the general idea.
I’m terrible with productivity (it seems), and that always makes me feel guilty. I’m not lazy, I work all the time. But I try to do too many things per day, and have trouble focusing on the current task at hand. For this coming weekend I already have a massive to-do list and, based on history, I’ll get half of it done and beat myself up for being so goddamn lame.
The book stresses me out, too, if I can be perfectly frank. It’s selling, but not anywhere near the monthly goal I set for it. There are things a person can do to promote a book, and I try to do them. I’ve devoted a lot of hours to promotion, in fact, and so far I can’t get over the hump. It chugs along, but still hasn’t reached critical mass. It worries me, and eats at my stomach lining.
During the first week of October I’m going to start writing my second book, and hope to sell it to a traditional publisher. But if CROSSROADS ROAD doesn’t have a good track record… it won’t help me; it won’t help me at all. It will appear that I’m unable to move books.
I’ve read that it takes seven months of solid promotion to get over the proverbial hump, and October will be the seventh month. We’ll see what happens.
The crazy part? The book is doing pretty damn well. I frequent several forums for self-published authors, and know that CROSSROADS ROAD is selling better than probably 90% of similar titles. But it’s not doing the numbers I set for it in my head, so it gnaws at me. Day and night.
I feel like I need to get my shit together with productivity, and eventually just let the book go for now. I need to be writing. If I have to self-publish the next one, it’s not so bad. Hell, I’ve been self-publishing since 1985.
And there are other aspects of my life that need examining, which I’d like to tell you about, but probably shouldn’t. There be spies about… It’s nothing to do with my marriage or kids, or anything like that. But, you know, the ratio of work hours to take-home pay. That sort of thing. Man, my ratio is pear-shaped, at best.
Yeah, it’s a struggle right now, and I’m in a funk. Five years ago I was making almost $100k per year, doing this website as a hobby, spending time with Toney and the boys every evening, and life was good. Now things are… different. I’ve tried to turn the writing (which I love) into something more than a hobby, and the results have been mixed. I never see my family, which bothers me a great deal. And I feel like I’m — if you’ll excuse the expression — at a crossroads.
So, maybe I’ll go find an antless hill somewhere, and try to get some clarity on all this crap. Clarity is a problem… I’m all fogged up. Or perhaps I’ll just go out and buy a Corvette and a hair piece, and start cruising the parking lot at the community college? That might work, as well.
I’ll try to write something funny tomorrow. Sorry for this too-much-information whine fiesta. It’s up to me to fix it, anyway. Why am I bothering you guys with this shit?
Have a great day, boys and girls.