Corporate Nicknames Really Chafe My Ass
I become irrationally annoyed whenever I see a TV commercial referring to Radio Shack as The Shack. It bothers me on two levels, at least. And I know it’s ridiculous to care so much about something so unimportant, but there you go.
For one thing, I know that some marketing genius somewhere is trying to make Radio Shack seem hip. Radio Shack! There’s nothing hip about it, nothing. They sell bags of fuses, extension cords, Nixon-era TV “aerials,” and Tandy brand CB radios.
Yeah, I know they also offer iPods and iPod supplies, but even that feels false. There’s a modern section near the front door, with fancy-shelving and interactive displays, etc. But the rest of the store still feels like Emmett’s Fix-It Shop, on the Andy Griffith Show. The iPods are as out of place as a hot pink dildo at a Pinewood Derby.
I love gadgetry, but can’t stand Radio Shack. Why is that? I don’t know. But one thing’s for sure, I will not be manipulated into believing the place is cool and vibrant and cutting edge, just because they’re shortening their name in some jaunty way.
The Shack. Ha! They can kiss it.
Companies (as well as people) shouldn’t try to create their own nicknames. It has to be organic, it can’t be forced. I mean, even middle-schoolers know it to be true.
I will never drink a Sunny Delight, because of this. They started calling themselves Sunny D, and that was that. The moment I saw the first commercial where they referred to their product in that way, was when it became dead to me. I won’t even let my kids drink it.
UPS is also pushing their luck, with all that “brown” business. I mean, seriously. I’ve heard people say “I’ll be right back, I need to go take a brown.” Why would you want to attach your corporation to such imagery? I wouldn’t.
It’s OK if the nicknames happen naturally, like Mickey D’s or Fed-Ex. Those don’t bother me, because the companies just embraced something that was happening on its own. I can live with that.
But when they try to stuff it down my throat, like “The King of Pop,” (Michael was a corporation, wasn’t he?) I automatically resist. And develop a deep-seated grudge, as well.
What do you think about this? Do you agree with me, or do you think I’m out of my mind? What other companies have invented their own nicknames? Which ones have I forgotten? Are you OK with such shenanigans?
And if you were an advertising executive, how would you hip-up an unhip product? Like, say, Clabber Girl baking powder? What would you do with that? Heh.
And finally, have you ever known a person who suddenly insisted on being called something completely different than what he or she had previously been known? Toney used to have a friend named Alex, who suddenly wanted to be called Alec. That wasn’t his name, but he was adamant about it.
Do you have anything on any of this? If so, use the comments link below.
And I’ll see you guys next time.
Thanks for reading!
Filed under: Daily
1st! And before noon!
[Reply]
1st!
[Reply]
Agreed!
I’ve hated “the Brown” ever since they adopted it. And I don’t much care for “the Shack” either.
[Reply]
Sister’s name is Mandy, but she decided one day that it would now be “Mandi”. Found that to be incredibly fucking annoying.
Also bothers me that Saturday Night Live became SNL at some point….and that annoying Ellen changed the name of her sitcom… and that Tiger won’t admit that his hot little wife beat the shit out of him.
On IPOD right now- “Forkboy”- Lard
[Reply]
Good Morning Surf Reporters…..
There’s an urban legend that Kentucky Fried Chicken “had to” switch to KFC because what they’re serving isn’t actually poultry but some genetically engineered mutation that’s produced in mass quantities in a laboratory.
Still tastes like chicken to me.
[Reply]
While I don’t refer to UPS as Brown, I do refer to my UPS guy as The Brown Santa. Not to his face of course – I want all my online purchased toys to arrive in one piece. Except Lego.
[Reply]
My ex attended one of those “change your life and get motivated” weekend-long seminars shortly before I got sane and ran out the front door.
One of the gimmicks of the seminar was that the attendees should change their names to give them a fresh start or something. She decided that instead of being called Joan, a perfectly good first name in America, she wanted to be called J.B., her first and middile initials. Fine for strangers, but she wanted me to make the change as well.
It made more sense to leave and call my attorney. That wasn’t the essential problem — just the final blow.
The corporate naming business is crap, as you rightly point out. A person can’t give him or herself a nickname, and, in America, the Supreme Court has ruled that a corporation is a person. A wealthy person with bad breath and constant gaseous emissions, but a person nonetheless. They are cheating, and, I hope, they will pay.
As you say, Radio Shack sucks, and would suck even if they changed their name to Free Blow Jobs.
jtb
[Reply]
Now playing on the Sony Discman:
“Indigo Friends” by the Reverend Horton Heat
[Reply]
I am ok with Radio Shack is using the name “The Shack” only if they are using it in an analogous way like “If Best Buy is a “mansion” in the neighborhood of electronics retailing than Radio Shack is the “shack” on that block…you know, the one with the half primered car sitting on blocks in the front yard and the old couch on the front porch.”
[Reply]
Miracle Whip trying to change their image to the tough guy version of speads makes me want to punch kittens.
[Reply]
I get annoyed by it too, although grudge-holding is possibly a little over the top. I don’t use UPS because they are shit, not because they want to be associated with shit.
Pizza Hut renamed some of their restaurants “The Hut”. Maybe that stems from the old Star Wars joke, “Pizza the Hutt”, but around here we always refer to them as Pizza Slut. Not an embraceable nickname, methinks.
The way I understand it, KFC changed its name to play down the “Fried” part. Which is just as insidious, if you ask me.
As for Clabber Girl, I immediately see a commercial with a neighborhood of sugar-powered kids leaping around little Jimmy’s yard while mom’s in the kitchen baking cookies, using her trusted Clabber Girl. The song playing is a bastardized version of The Fall’s “Cab it Up!”, with the lyrics changed to “Clab it up!”
And if you think Mark E. Smith would never sell out, then you must not have seen this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVnsmADFCIg
[Reply]
Gotta love “The Surfie”.
[Reply]
Many many years ago, some girl I knew named “Lisa” or some-such run of the mill name deciding that she was suddenly to be referred to as “Zalea”. I was so impressed that I decided that from then on that I should be referred to as “Fodil”.
[Reply]
I agree (and I work in advertising-don’t hate me). Right now the one that gets under my skin is National Geographic calling themselves NatGeo. No thank you.
And in high school a girl tried to change her first name at the same time she was adopted [by a step parent, I think] and changed her last name. To this day, I can’t remember what was the old name and what was the new name, we always called her Amanda Lynne Tribble Parker -she got all four names.
[Reply]
It also ticked me off when “Halls and Oates” changed their performing names to “Shields and Yarnell” and started doing that damn robot dance.
[Reply]
What about Prince? Is he Prince again or is he still the artist formerly known as Prince?
[Reply]
I think I heard KFC was now trying to sell themselves as “Kitchen Fresh Chicken” – we’re NOT going to forget “Kentucky” and we’re NOT going to forget you’re Fried.
[Reply]
Yeah, you’re totally out of your mind.
I believe Radio Shack is looking to change their name to The Shack which is why they’re advertising the way they are.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe these companies you feel have forced a nickname are simply spreading a nickname around that is common in some areas?
This doesn’t fall under the category of being called something completely different suddenly, but I watch Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura. He really played up the fact that he was Governor of Minnesota and it was pathetic. His staff (actors) were calling him Governor. At one point he even said “as a former Governor I never expected…” I couldn’t even finish watching the show it was so… I don’t even have words to describe it…
[Reply]
I think the problem with Radio Shack is that it is your dad’s (or even grandad’s) electronics shop. Most of us probably went to Radio Shack for the first time with our fathers, to buy batteries for a transistor radio, or a phonograph needle. I get rather immediate nostalgia inside the store, which I can’t stand going to because everything they sell these days is poorly made crap from China at outrageous prices.
Remember, malls take 10-12% of the gross receipts from every store as overhead for operating expenses (a bit less if you are in a “low traffic” area near the least used entrance/exit), and that % is in the price of every item. That’s on top of a hefty rent check, in case you ever wondered why batteries cost almost twice as much at Radio Shack than elsewhere…
Has a family friend named Patricia who went by Paddy for years and years, then moved to California and immediately became Trish, at the age 45 or something. Weird.
The “King of Pop” was indeed a corporation (perhaps still is?), and he wasn’t the king of anything. Elvis, I will grant, is royalty, but that’s a high standard to live up to and MJ just doesn’t cut it since most of his “fame” was carefully manufactured by the corporation.
Prince is Prince again, I’m pretty sure.
[Reply]
I think that some are OK, but I agree that some shouldn’t happen. Like “what were they thinking” kind of thing.
Clabber Girl could be just Clabber or maybe the Clab Grl.
[Reply]
Hmmm….I don’t actually know anyone who suddenly wanted to be addressed as something different but while we’re on the topic, you may all begin addressing me as “Goddess” or “the Queen of Sweden” from now on. I think I could live with either one of those names.
Thanks in advance.
[Reply]
I always thought it was The Wivser, formerly WVSR, as in check out the groovy kids rapping at The Wivser.
[Reply]
My mom thinks The Shack sounds like a headshop and wondered out loud if they were selling electronic scales and smoking devices.
[Reply]
Got a clown at work here that went by the name of John for at least 5 or 6 years. Guy was a walking disaster area. If there was an operations problem (particularly bad ones) you could bet your bottom dollar he was on shift at the time. At any rate, about 3 or 4 years ago, he wants everyone to call him “Jack”. Now I know Jack is suitable variation of John but I could never call this guy Jack without tacking “ass” on to the end of it.
Maybe my problem is with him and not his name. ‘Scuse me while I go kick him in the nuts. ….jk….
NatGeo does sound like it came from the mouth of a pretentious prick but……..somehow it works for me. “What can BROWN do for you?” Wipe your ass, that’s what. Phew! I liked lusting over the electronics in Radio Shack when I was a kid. They’ve gone steadily downhill the last 25 years, to the point of irrelevancy. No doubt the hip moniker is an attempt to fight back against the tide of history. Forget it, okay? Since the mid-80′s you’ve been known as “Shit Shack” to me. They had an ad campaign 10 or so years ago that went something like “Radio Shack: You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers”. To me it was “Shit Shack: You need answers, we got shit.”
[Reply]
Back in the ’70s, when Radio Shack didn’t carry any name-brand stereo equipment, but rather only sold their own brand — Realistic, I believe it was called — only the geekiest of geeks would ever actually own a Realistic stereo. Those people had to be either completely out of the loop when it came to the “hi-fi” world, or they simply told their parents they wanted “a stereo” for Christmas, and the parents didn’t know any better. It was kinda like the kids in grade-school whose parents bought them Sears Toughskins instead of Lee or Levi jeans (and those geeky kids didn’t have the balls or sense to tell their parents they aren’t wearing “fake jeans” to school). The kicker was, the Realistic crap cost every bit as much as higher-quality brand names, despite being destined for the junk-heap.
[Reply]
Don’t bad mouth Toughskins Swami, I didn’t get “real” jeans until prolly 5th or 6th grade, once Mom could trust me not to slide on the asphalt playing kickball.
[Reply]
OK, I shoulda said middle-school instead of grade-school. We can forgive the grade-schoolers for wearing Toughskins — they didn’t know any better. But anyone who wore Toughskins in Middle School / Junior High, was undoubtedly a geek or a nerd.
[Reply]
Whenever anyone starts a sentence with, “Did you ever stop to think…” I immediately label them a condescending douchenozzle and then attempt to kick them. This entire piece reminds me of the old David Cross bit –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hDPT1ASW3s
[Reply]
Fair enough! What was really embarrassing was having Toughskins with two giant iron on patches over both knees!
[Reply]
I used to go by my full title: His Royal Highness The Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales and Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles, Prince and Great Steward of Scotland, Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Knight of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, Great Master and First and Principal Knight Grand Cross of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, Member of the Order of Merit, Knight of the Order of Australia, Companion of the Queen’s Service Order, Honorary Member of the Saskatchewan Order of Merit, Chief Grand Commander of the Order of Logohu, Member of Her Majesty’s Most Honourable Privy Council, Canadian Forces Decoration, Aide-de-Camp to Her Majesty. but then I decided Pagan was easier:)
[Reply]
Now that I have commented I need to go back and read “The Surf”
[Reply]
Pretty sure that Clabber Girl has already been bastardized as Labia Girl.
[Reply]
Here’s the deal with Radio Shack…. They’re slowly, but surely decreasing the electronics parts, and trying to become a small Best Buy. I’ve gone in there a few times lately to get a knob, or jack, or switch that I KNOW they carry, only to find out they don’t carry it any more.Between that, and attempting to re-brand themselves, they’re trying to overhaul the operation.
[Reply]
I know two people who have chosen to make impromptu name changes. One chose to have us all start calling him JJ, when all growing up we called him Jim, because Jim is a little kids name. Don’t understand this one, JJ seems the more juvenile to me, but if you call him Jim to someone who only knows him as JJ he will TOTALLY ignore you or walk off altogether. Its wierd to watch. Its really fun to call him Jim though.
KFC changed its name for the same reason that Radio Shack wants to be called “The Shack”, and while that was a slap in the face to Kentuckians, surely Yum brands, who owns KFC and is based in Louisville, would never be so stupid as to erradicate the Kentucky from their advertising and replace it with Kitchen Fresh Chicken. I’m with Jeff on this one. This kind of advertising just irritates the people who pay attention and those who don’t pay attention are unmoved by it all anyway. I can’t boycott the Colonel though, its too good!!!
[Reply]
If Wallmart would finally change their name officially to: “The Evil Empire” perhaps we would feel less guilty shopping there!
[Reply]
Just call an enema bag “The Bag.”
“I’m going home and havin’ a bag.” I’m hip and give myself enemas.
Once worked for a guy named Francis who went on a 3 month trip to Africa. When he came home he wanted everyone to call him Kip.
[Reply]
Our local NPR affiliate has a high def (!) second station that refers to itself as “The Deuce.” For that reason, I will never listen to it.
[Reply]
OMG! Pearl Harbor was just attacked!!!!! No wait! I’m watching the History channel!!
[Reply]
The Clabber Girl would become majorly hip if she would start sportin’ that Pink Vibrator you spoke of. Now that’d be something!
I had a friend through school who went by her name, which was Elena. Several years after graduating though, her name changed to Taz. She also is now living as a male, so perhaps that had something to do with it? But Taz?
Now Playing on iPhone: Big Fatty Podcast
[Reply]
I have a friend, Susan, who is an actress friend with a stage name, Madison. can’t make the switch. We don’t actually speak all that often, mostly on Facebook these days, so it doesn’t matter.
[Reply]
Alice – Madison? I think I saw her in “Raise the Tight Anus”. lol
JeffinDenver – Radio Shack has pretty much everything that they used to. You just have to order it on-line and have it sent (free) to the store of your choice. Giant pain-in-the-ass because no one ever needs that stuff in advance. We need it NOW, damnit!
[Reply]
i knew a guy in high school named Paul. For as long as I knew him, he was Paul. Everyone called him Paul, he wrote “Paul” on the top of his homework, his gym clothes has “Paul B.” written in sharpie in the right corner. Then, one day out of nowhere, everything changed and he became Steve. Everyone called him Steve, He wrote “Steve” on the top of his homework… and so on.
And I was the only person that seemed to have issue with this. How did everyone just accept this odd change right off the bat? I never heard anyone slip up and go “Oh, hey Pau- oh sorry – Hey Steve!”
This is the kind of stuff that happens around me that makes me wonder if I’m crazy.
[Reply]
There is a girl in our biker world by the name of Patty, who gave herself a nickname. She is from New Jersey so insists on being call “Jersey”. Or in her dialect… “Joizee”. Ugh. And if you call her Patty, she will correct you and tell you about so you don’t make the mistake again. Annoying.
[Reply]
I dated a stripper named Brandi for a few months…she changed her name to Bambi. WTF? What was the point in changing your name from one stripper name to another?
It’s like watching the credits on a martial arts movie and seeing that Fong Lee was portrayed by Chang Lu. So?
[Reply]
I am thinking of changing my name to Fonzie
[Reply]
The one that really bothers me, although he didn’t come up with it himself I’m pretty sure, is Donald Trump being called “The Donald.” That just seems so stupid. Also, now that Kinko’s is owned by FedEx they are getting rid of the name Kinko’s and calling it FedEx Office. Not a smart move! The service has gone downhill since FedEx took over, too. And what about Kmart calling themselves “the Big K”? Why can’t things be left alone? Even our President, because he is reffered to as ‘Oboma so much, I have to think for a minute to try and remember what his first name actually is.
[Reply]
We have a guy in our poker game who when he first started playing tried to insist that his nickname was “Cuda”, short for barracuda i guess. But we gently explained to him that one does not inform others as to a nickname, one accepts the label placed upon them. Therefore we have called him “Meat”, as in new meat, for six years. Didn’t even know his real name for five years.
And the way we informed him of his name was after his explanation of his nickname, we said “Yeah really? fuck you your name is meat!”
[Reply]
I’m getting tired of that little green insurance gecko, too. What are we, children who need talking animals? Just cause your name sounds a little like Gecko? Maybe it works for them, however. I certainly agree that Radio Shack is not top of the line. Yeah it is dumb that they try to portray themselves as Hip, but I give them a break because they’re simply trying to stay alive in a very competetive electronics market! I can invision that there will come a day where Radio Shack will be a thing of the past, no longer able to stay in business. I think Sears is heading for extinction also!
[Reply]
Apologize for my spelling errors. I know there are a few of them!
[Reply]
Mother-in-Law…Betty. Her husband died and seven years later remarried an equally very cool guy. She changed her name to Bettina. I guess she wanted to change her past. They married in ’87 and he died in ’03 but she is still Bettina. I have trouble not calling her Betty and she will always correct me. She’s 87 so I don’t care. Sister-in Law said about the name change back then…(direct quote)…”Sounds like a fucking circus elephant.”
[Reply]
I’m with you on this one Jeff, I will add hyphenated last names to the group. Pick one or the other already.
[Reply]
YES – The Donald.
Then again, I get ticked off with one word Proper Names: Madonna, Cher, Sting. It’s like they’re telling everyone they’re so much more important than anyone else.
[Reply]
boy howdy. 1st of all t-storm was given to me, it wasn’t me rebranding myself, tony tony tony was also given to me.
a friend from high school went from jeremiah to jerrick. i fought that shit for a while but finally gave in.
and i’m currently wooing a girl who i met as carolyn but now is caroline. it’s minor, but i still slip and call her carolyn.
[Reply]
Hip new name for the Clabber Girl: Clabba Ho
[Reply]
Whatever happened to the ‘Pasta Hut’ thing?
I seem to remember that the idea was floated for a few weeks then kind of just died a death.
They probably had all the ‘marketeers’ and project managers on that idea for about three years. Till someone told them that it was realy dumb anyways!
(The words ‘pasta’ and ‘hut’ as a name will always make me think of the picture of the fat brothers on the motorbike in the old Guiness Book of Records!)
[Reply]
Guess it could be because the “The Shack” sounds like “The Shaq”! No, that would mean one is full cheap shit and I don’t think Shaq would want to be considered along the lines of cheap shit. The Tandy Shack would work since it would be confused with Tandy Leather, the other Tandy business. Obviously full of more cheap shit.
[Reply]
> Do you agree with me, or do you think I’m out of my mind?
I agree with you *and* I think you’re out of your mind.
How’s the book coming?
[Reply]
Classic:
“as out of place as a hot pink dildo at a Pinewood Derby” – sort of like this post in the middle of all the renaming discussions………
[Reply]
FUCKING MIRACLE WHIP!!!!
Why do they suddenly think they are hip. It is just fake mayo.
Kids sitting around eating fake mayo does not make it cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_70xGUxznYY
[Reply]
I’ve oft wondered if people who say they hate mayonnaise actually hate Miracle Whip, but don’t realize the difference. I’m a mayo lover, myself. And I find Miracle Whip a horribly disgusting imposter, and have hated it since I first tasted it as a young lad. But I wonder how many people, also as young lads and lassies, ate a sandwich made by a neighbor’s mother, nearly gagged on the white creamy shit slathered on the bread, was told that it was “mayo” (’cause people probably used the word “mayo” generically, like “kleenex” is used for all tissues, or “band-aid” for all bandages), and so that kid decided then and there, forever and ever, that he or she hated mayonnaise. When in reality mayo is a delicious condiment when used properly, and it’s the evil imposter Miracle Whip that should be hated in its stead. So I implore all you “mayo haters” — take a dollop of real mayonnaise (Hellman’s “Real” is the gold standard), and a smidge of Miracle Whip, taste ‘em, and determine: Do you REALLY hate mayonnaise? Or have you actually just hated Miracle Whip lo these many years?
[Reply]
We do not do nicknames here – that’s why our children have such short names, there can be no nicknaming. My name is a sort of hybrid name, but I insist on the full name and NO shortening or altering it at all!
[Reply]
I’m with the “Shack”-haters. A nickname has to be given; you (human or corporation) cannot just decide people should call you by your cool new self-chosen nickname. This is apart from the fact that Radio Shack sucks balls. No, they were a sleazebag operation even back in the 70s. Back when you could walk in and buy electronic parts, they sold rectifier diodes in packages of three; this being a part you would almost always need either two or four of. For items sold singly, they would have in stock one fewer than what you needed, and everything shabby quality at breathtaking prices.
As to KFC, the story I heard is that the state of Kentucky trademarked the name and then tried to extract royalties from corporations using “Kentucky” in their names. KFC responded by changing their name so it no longer contained the K-word. Didn’t the Kentucky Derby change its name around the same time?
Prince has resumed using his name, but to me he’s the artist formerly known as “the artist formerly known as Prince”.
[Reply]
When I hear “The Shack” I automatically think of the jack shack ala Bob & Tom. The two words just go together.
[Reply]
Ah, you are my grudge-holding, irrationally placed hatred, breath of fresh air. I feel the exact same way… and I think “Sunny D” was my first, too. Even as a kid, I knew it was wrong. All wrong to give yourself a nickname.
Just looking at a Radio Shack makes me cringe. All that comes to mind are the 70′s, CB radios, and my father’s El Camino. I don’t believe I have crossed the threshold of a “The Shack” in at least 2 decades.
When I was in high school, there was a girl, an ultra-nerd, who one day decided that she was no longer Cathy, but would be referred to a “Cats!” And her last name, which I won’t reveal just in case there is some privacy issue, sounded A LOT like “cats.” Oh, and someone else mentioned adoptive name changes… they just don’t work once you become about 14 and up. I went to high school with a guy who changed NOT ONLY his last name, but his first name, too! He went from Matt MacGoogle* to Jim Costello* ! What the heck? No one ever knew what to call the poor guy.
*Not his real name, but it is VERY close to it!
Great report today! Really, great.
[Reply]
The KFC thing is an urban legend. It was a re-branding in the 90′s to the name that every called it, that is all. There was never a law, KFC would have sued and won in a new york minute.
[Reply]
I’m with you Swami. My mom was passing off Miracle Whip as mayo for the longest time and I would just gag if a sandwich had ‘mayo’ on it.
Then one day, when I was much older, I tasted real mayonnaise (not Hellman’s but definitely not Miracle Whip) and it was like, “This can’t be real.” I do like mayonnaise! Do it folks . . . those of you may think you hate mayo. It just might be Miracle Whip.
[Reply]
If I’m making the sandwich it has to be Miracle Whip. But if I order out I always specify “mayo”. There’s just something about the texture of mayo compared to the smoothness of Miracle Whip that absolutely gags me. If someone else spreads the mayo, I’m fine.
[Reply]
Does no one read these posts alpha to omega? Or is it easy to be hard?
Goddess, Queen of Sweden: How’s your sister, and how’s her liver, I hope she’s happier, up the river.
Kelli: This is not a place for hate. All inmates are eligible for love; it is the outside world that is, on a bad day, hateful. What makes you think that your brand of prostitution is more objectionable than that of the rest of us?
Pagan: Thanks for the full disclosure. So why Pagan and not Chuck? I guess you’re the correspondent formerly known as Prince.
Malcolm, et. al., Best I know, Michael Jackson isn’t the king of anything whatsoever, nor is he a prince, nor a duke, nor an earl. Ian may designate Michael the Earl of Errol, but I think the 24th Earl is alive if not entirely well, and can probably sing as well as Michael. Perhaps we can just call him “The Mike”.
Elivs is The King
Ray Charles is The Genius
After that, it gets dicey.
Mr. Baloni: Miracle Whip was brought to market by Kraft Foods in 1933 in response to sagging sales of mayo caused by the Great Depression. Throughout our recovery from that difficult time, and our subsequent tumble into our current financial state, some groups of people have actually preferred the taste of Miracle Whip to mayo, most notably, Canadians and African Americans. Obviously not across the board, but statistically, and noticeably.
No intent to impugn nor cast aspersions. Just statistical data from the gentle art of marketing. Perhaps Kelli could explain the national and cultural differences, or at least the statistics.
Chuck (nearly is WV): NIce post. YOU DATED A STRIPPER FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS? I have dated across the great divide, (geographical, not gender) and have never had an opportunity to date a stripper. Did she cook well?
jtb
now playing on the Sony Discman: “Rapid City, South Dakota” by Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys
[Reply]
Clabba Ho, it makes your muffins grow, yo.
[Reply]
Correction:
Obviously, that’s Chuck (nearly IN WV). I didn’t want to stay on record accusing you of being West Virginia incarnate. You’d need a panhandle and a vague inclination to vote for Democrats when no one was looking.
I’m just sayin’.
jtb
[Reply]
I have seen no posts on this topic: Henrietta and Merna Can’t Sing – Go Tell It On The Mountain
I can watch some amount of violence on TV or movies — not my cup of tea, but I can do it; I can watch a full porno reel without significant embarrassment, depending on who is on the couch; I can watch humans in our variety make great fools of ourselves; but 90 seconds into this Further Evidence and I found myself saying to myself aloud, “Just hit the mouse and stop it; then breathe and get a drink.”
There are terrors greater than The Pit or Brimstone, and they are occasionally found on Public Access TV.
Lord ha’ mercy.
jtb
[Reply]
I have a friend named Kathy and another named Cathy. They are best friends and I guess the names got confusing. One day Kathy started calling herself Kate. It was weird at first, but didn’t bother me because it seemed like the smart thing to do.
As a bonus, it seems younger and more vibrant, which I think she deserves.
Love your blog and mockable, they make my life a little better ( I need the distraction…5 kids).
[Reply]
i am now known as SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED. please remember this. at the moment my relatives call me darth, which pleases all star wars fans in the family.
wheni was an undergraduate, there was a guy in my class named stanley robert somebody. he went by either name and we all got used to it. so sometimes we would say, “hi bob.” other times we would say, “hi stan.” damned confusing for outsiders, but fun for his classmates. i wonder where bob or stan is now, and is he still using both names alternately.
[Reply]
PS don’t forget—sinatra was “the chairman of the board.”
OMG i’m so old.
[Reply]
I had to go on record… I am neither Canadian NOR African-American (that is for you, jtb) and I MUCH prefer Miracle Whip to mayonnaise! Oh, and I hate the abbreviation “mayo,” too, so this fits quite well with the original topic!
Mayonnaise makes me want to puke… just the thought gives me the creeps…
[Reply]
I was brought up on Miracle Whip and for the most part did not like the taste of mayo, just doesn’t have that “tang” and I like the “tang”. I did the South Beach diet a few years ago and learned to use mayo instead of Miracle Whip. But alas as all good things go the diet went by the way side and I find that I still prefer MW, although I do find the new hip marketing repulsive. Just for the record jtb, I am neither Canadian or African American, not that there is anything wrong with that.
[Reply]
Clabber Girl
Clabba Ho: Yo biscuits ain’t gon be the only thing she makes rise! Holla!
[Reply]
A favourite reciepe from “the white trash cookbook” (an actual book by the way) is a fried miracle whip sammich ! Only Wonderbread and lard for frying are the other ingredients! I enjoy mine with a fine Malt Liquor!
[Reply]
Condescending douchenozzle is far from it, metten.
I get tired of people not thinking things through before they spew out opinions.
Maybe it’s all the recent rumors turned reality at work. People were jumping to all kinds of conclusions without knowing what the hell they were talking about.
[Reply]
Welcome to side six. Follow along in your books, and repeat after me, as we learn three new words in Turkish: Coffee. Delight. Border. May I see your passport, please?
Statistics is not a discipline for the weak of heart, and marketing statistics will upset the stoutest of constitutions, but let’s step one layer down, since some seem to misunderstand, most likely due to my shallow reference:
White, non-hispanic Americans prefer mayonnaise to Miracle Whip.
HIspanic Americans prefer mayonnaise to Miracle Whip.
Black Americans prefer mayonnaise to Miracle Whip.
Canadians prefer mayonnaise to Miracle Whip (except in Quebec and some native French-speaking regions of other provinces.
The percentages by which each group prefers mayonnaise varies slightly. In the world of marketing statistics, these variations offer opportunities to push product. As it happens, Canadians who don’t live in Quebec and Black Americans prefer mayonnaise by smaller margins than the other two groups noted above.
The “whys” of the statistical variations are best discussed elsewhere. One thing the marketing people know is that, when no external force is applied, we will often prefer the products our mothers did. Find a mayonnaise/Miracle Whip commercial or ad containing a mother (almost all) and know the companies are trying to remind us of that. Find one without a mother, and know they are trying to pull your brain away from your mother.
While Dr. Nort is tired, we must, while making fun of the world and its silliness, push on, and not lose our intellectual integrity in the effort.
Of course it’s all absurd, but that doesn’t provide an excuse for condemnation.
Clabber Girl is owned by Hulman & Company, whose other significant asset is the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Hulman & Company started as a wholesale grocery, tobacco, and liquor store in Terre Haute, Indiana in 1850. They started producing Clabber Girl Baking Powder in 1899. They purchased the Speedway in 1945, which we should put in the category of “good timing”.
What do you think the white stuff is that comes out of the nozzles of the extinguishers every time some hapless driver puts it into the wall at 240MPH?
Everything — race, racing, baking, Oh Canada, shacks, and the European colonization of North America — is a piece of a larger puzzle that fits together only when God wills. We peck around the edges, and occasionally find a seam.
As for Radio Shack, formerly Tandy Corporation, from Wikipedia (yes, I know I could just provide the link, but I prefer this) comes the following information:
In the early days of radio, equipment was experimental and home-built. The first radio transmitters used a noisy spark to generate radio waves and were often housed in a garage or shed. When radio was first adopted by the U.S. Navy, a small, wooden structure placed on deck to house the ship’s radio equipment became known as the “radio shack”. The term was soon adopted by military and hobbyist alike to describe any form of radio room. Today, amateur radio operators use the term to describe the space occupied by their radio gear, usually a room, but for some the entire “shack” may consist of a hand-held radio or two while others may operate mobile equipment in a vehicle.
Some hip kid will tell another hip kid, “Let’s hit The Shack” when Republicans sprout wings and fly and Democrats stop drinking.
Let’s see: coffee, delight, border. Yeah, I think that covers it.
love and kisses…jtb
now playing on the Sony Discman: “Rainy Day Women # 12 & 35″ by Bob Dylan
[Reply]
Clarification
In a long, convoluted post, this is gonna happen. To clarify and correct: Quebec is excluded from the stats because they would skew Canada off the map. They don’t cotton to Miracle Whip at all.
I have no idea how they feel about Clabber Girl or Indy.
jtb
[Reply]
JTB,
yes she could cook but i cant count the number of times i would turn from the mr. coffee and do a full-face smack into that damn pole. the kitchen is no place for that.
[Reply]
Radio Shit Shack – goes bak to my alternate names post a few days back.
Like Chiil above said, if you need three of something they come in packs of 2 or 4. If you need 2 or 4 of something they come in packs of 3. You always end up with more than you need.
Or you have to buy several adaptors to cobble together the one you need.
And the stuff looks cheap. Shit, it’s so cheap that China would have to have somebody make it for them.
And why would anybody go there for stereos, t.v.s or whatnot when you can get it less expensive on line and delivered to your door.
[Reply]
As a hobby, I like to try condiments from different cultures. Yup, I lead a fascinating life. I recently got some garlicky ketchup from Germany that I have been really into lately, and my favorite mustard is from Austria (Kremser Senf). That Japanese spicey mayonnaise stuff is pretty good stuff, too. Its the stuff used to make spicey tuna roll sushi. Oh, and my favorite soy sauce is made in The Phillipines (White Swan). Also, Beaver or Zatarain’s prepared horseradish seem to be better than the rest.
Miracle Whip, Hellman’s, Nasoya, whatever. Just slather it on the damn sammich and try not to strain yourself with too much hand-wringing.
[Reply]
There was a cheerleader in high school whose real name was Renatta, and wanted to change her name. One day I said “Hi Renatta” and she said “Oh, please call me Sunshine – I’m changing my name”. It took EVERY ATOM OF MY BODY to not punch her squarely in the face.
Clabber Girl: GET THE CLAB!
Happy Tuesday, Surfers —(yeah, I was a little busy yesterday)
[Reply]
Lee Harvey the Nazis (oops! sorry! Germans) do a mean curry ketchup sounds awful but tastes great! statistically it’s the most popular condiment in Germany!
[Reply]
Chuck: I give up. I write a 1,000 word post and you submit a 30-worder that is better and contains more alluring information. I didn’t call your offering a “post” because I wanted to leave that in the kitchen, a room that it should enhance despite the smacks.
Well done…jtb
[Reply]
jtb your post was excellent…i chortled. and if you knew me you would know that isnt easy to draw out of me. as for my posts i just throw out random crap and let it go. but thank you for that.
[Reply]
Pagan; You need curry-flavored ketchup to make currywurst, which along with the Doener, has spread from being a favorite street-food in Berlin to being somewhat ubiquitous in Germany today. It’s statistically delicious! The garlic (knoblauch) ketchup I wrote about is a similar product — meant as a condiment for wursts. German ketchups like these are also quite a bit sweeter than the kind we see here.
And where is everyone getting all of this statistical information on condiments? Are there university departments that specializes in condiment statistical studies? Maybe an academic journal (Int Jour Cond Stat) that I could be reading? Does their work extend into the domain of gravies, too?
[Reply]
Hellman’s Real Mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?
One is real gopher jizz the other is fake, and neither can be found on my sammiches.
[Reply]
sometimes when I’m alone and feeling blue, I eat mayonnaise right out of the jar with a spoon.
[Reply]
I like miracle whip for the cold stuff….tuna/egg/chicken salad or some other type of cold sandwich. I like the real stuff for hot foods like hamburgers, fried egg sandwiches, grilled ham & cheese, etc. So there jtb, stuff that in your statistics and smoke it.
[Reply]
When we were kids, a cousin of mine grabbed a big ol’ tablespoon and downed what he thought was cake frosting. Nope, it was mayonnaise or ‘salad dressing’ of some kind. He gagged, cried and threw up everywhere. Still can’t touch mayonnaise or Miracle Whip.
another mistaken food identity story: I made a weird but DELICIOUS peanut butter & banana salad (with a vanilla pudding/vinegar base) for an office party. My boss thought it was chicken and dumplings. He just about tossed his cookies and told me that I should’ve posted a little label. I guess that would’ve been fair.
[Reply]
Who are you to decide whether or not someone has thought something through completely? Starting sentences with “Didn’t you ever stop to think…” implies 1) that they obviously didn’t and they should have and 2) if they would have been smart like you, they would have. Since condescension is defined as a “patronizing attitude or behavior,” I would say that it’s a perfect example of a condescending thing to say rather than “far from it” as you claim.
In summary, knock it off – you’re cooler than that. Sheesh…Radio Shack…
[Reply]
It took some serious digging to figure out who Metten’s last post was directed at. But it appears that UpNort and Metten are havin’ a feud. I’ll side with Metten on this one, as UpNort seemed a little too quick to pounce, up above.
[Reply]
How come I never get to fight online? I want to rumble over the mayo/Miracle Whip controversy (and its statistical implications)
Someone needs to respond to this post with the following lead-in: “Lee Harvey, you ignorant slut”
[Reply]
Fonzie aka Lee Harvey Ramone, you ignorant slut, how do you propose we argue about mayo vs Miracle Whip when you’ve made it clear in a previous post that there was already to much hand wringing going on over which white goo to slather on your sammich? Also with your international condiment expertise I think you will prolly scare the rest of us away.
[Reply]
Being called Fonzie makes me feel cool
[Reply]
Fonzie-You asked in a previous post to change your name, I was just trying to be respectful of your wishes.
[Reply]
Does Jason prefer mayo or Miracle Whip? or does he never, ever stray from his block o’ Velveeta?
[Reply]
I had to look up this Clabber Girl… I was expecting something along the lines of tub girl, or two girls one cup. Imagine my surprise when it was baking powder… Heh.
[Reply]
For Fonzie: http://www.currywurstmuseum.de/en/
[Reply]
Is this the Clabber Girl on top of a block o’ Velveeta? Perhaps this explains Jason’s affection.
http://www.johnmariani.com/archive/2006/060611/velveeta.jpg
[Reply]
I grew up with a girl we called Toby from kindergarten. Sometime after college she insisted she would only answer to Tobriah. Some people conformed but I still call her Toby and she has to deal with it.
I agree with the forced nickname issue too.
[Reply]
Statistically 50% of surf reporters make up half the opinions on this site!
Fonzie you ignorant slut! In 1756, mayonnaise was invented in France by my great great Grandpappy Monsuier Pagan chef to the King! He sure as hell didnt use soy oil like those lying Bastards at Hellmans!@ Real Mayo my Ass!
[Reply]
The currywurst museum wants 11 Euros for an adult admission! C’mon, I wasn’t born yesterday — I’ll take my business down the street to the Ramones museum for a 3.5 Euro admission price.
And how come the fans of aioli haven’t chimed in on the condiment debate?
WB – Thanks for using my new nickname (Aayy)
[Reply]
@Lee Harvey Ramone
the Spaniards got me hooked on alioli, the bastards.
(picture Gene Hackman in The French Connection 2)
We don’t get Miracle Whip here.
From the comments above, that seems like a blessing.
[Reply]
@Pagan – mayonnaise is from Mahon (hence the name). Miracle Whip is some seriously nasty shit.
[Reply]
“From Port Mahon I’ll soon be gone, laughing or weeping the world will go on”
[Reply]
Ian, you’re lucky. Miracle Whip can best be described (at least, by me) as mayonnaise, seasoned with plain old white vinegar, thus providing its “tang”. If a recipe calls for mayo, I want to be able to control the vinegar myself, especially, if none is called for. It’s like when a recipe calls for unsalted butter. There’s a reason: it’s so that the cook can control the amount of salt which ultimately ends up in the dish. Garlic aioli, on the other hand, is a perfectly acceptable bastardization of mayonnaise. Just my personal opinion.
[Reply]
Pagan – Have you ever had Turkish ketchup? I loved it when I was stationed there. I wish I could have it again.
[Reply]
I have a problem using a condiment that looks like….well never mind. I just don’t like white condiments.
[Reply]
@CBS was stationed in Cyprus the food on the Turkish side of the Island was the BEST!
If you really want to bother:
· 6 large tomatoes
· ½ cinnamon bar
· 2 carnations
· 1 onion
· 2 large red peppers
· 1 green pepper
· 1 teacup of vinegar
· 1 teaspoon granulated sugar
· 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
· Salt and sunflower oil
Chop the tomatoes, peppers, and onion into big pieces. Put some oil into a saucepan. Pour these ingredients into it. Put salt and cook it on low heat until the ingredients are tender. Put cinnamon, carnations, red pepper flakes and black pepper in a piece of cloth. Tie it closely. Take the saucepan out of heat. Drain it and put into another saucepan. Put spice cloth into drained sauce. Boil it on medium heat until it is dense. Add vinegar and granulated sugar before you turn the heat off. Let simmer fo 5 minutes
In the glasss right now: Royal Lochnagar Selected reserve.
[Reply]
@Limey: In 1756, the French under Louis François Armand de Vignerot du Plessis, duc de Richelieu, captured Mahón on the Spanish-held island of Minorca. In honor of this victory, the duc’s chef( Great Granpa Pagan) created a new dressing for his master: Mahonnaise.
Time to quit the Scotch:)
[Reply]
You sluts!
Miracle Whip is not allowed in my house. However, I recently found a jar under my wife’s side of the bed. What do yall suppose is going on?
I’m a big fan of condiments. Salsa, Ranch Dressing, Honey Mustard, you name it.
I plan on buying a laptop sometime this weekend so I can keep up with you guys at work. But I feel like an Amish kid at a sex toy store. I have no idea what’s good and what isn’t. Some help please?
I’m not digging the new job because they expect me to show up and do stuff even when it’s inconvenient for me to do so. Five days a week you need me? FIVE DAYS IN A ROW? Fucking absurd. But I think reading theWVSR while there would help. So again, any advice on the laptop would be appreciated. Or maybe one of those little Apple things or a “smart phone”? I don’t frikken know. There’s WIFI there, whatever that is.
Okay then. I’m going to lock myself in the bathroom with my wife’s Miracle Whip now.
Missed ya. Mean it. Love ya. Mean it.
[Reply]
I only tried mayonnaise on french fries after I heard it mentioned in the dialogue of Pulp Fiction.
At that time, I thought What the Hell?
But then I tried it and surprisingly, it’s actually quite tasty.
Now take a freak like Nostrils.
It’s been said on this site the sick sonofabitch puts mayonnaise on hot dogs. HOT DOGS!
How much more disgusting can one get?
[Reply]
JCIII,
Behold the “Nossydog”!!
http://thewvsr.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/nossydog.jpg
[Reply]
Ooooooh that’s not right!! I can’t even imagine what that would taste like. How does one think of putting mayo on a hotdog when the ketchup and mustard are right there?
[Reply]
What annoys me about “KFC” are the trendy new representations of Colonel Sanders. First they had a cartoon hip-hopping Colonel (“Go Colonel”) and now for some reason they’ve given him a new hairstyle with some sort of cowlick.
And it really bothers me to see Bugs Bunny or Tweety or whoever drawn with hip-hop clothes and crossed arms and a “fuck-you” look on their face.
[Reply]
CBS, I sit corrected. Oddly, I started to write that as “the urban legend that I heard was…”
Lee Harvey “Fonz” Ramone – I first heard of aioli from a James Beard book. It looked good, so I made some. Been a fan ever since. It goes great on a burger, probably OK on a hot dog too now that I think about it. It’s also good for dunking fries, as is regular mayo. “Regular” meaning “real”, as in “Hellman’s”.
Pagan, thanks for the Turkish ketchup recipe. I need to make some soon.
[Reply]
Heard a comedian asking once if it was legal to change your name to ‘The Receiver General’ That’s the knob who steals all your tax related cash in Canada. Good question.
Fonzie – mayo and miracle whip – two different purposes, miracle whip is sweeter. Devils food according to that doctor on Oprah. Good to avoid but still yummy.
Annoying names. Hyphenated first names – you know I am referring to you after I took the time to say the first one.
[Reply]
Lighten up, Metten. Did you ever stop to think that the reason UpNort is so sensitive is because he has his entire 401k invested in Radio Shack stock?
[Reply]
Happy Day! I shot a huge 10 pt. buck yesterday.
Sad Day! Now I have to come up with $450 to have it mounted.:>(
[Reply]
That’s the problem with Deer and women.
If you’re planning to mount one it’s gonna cost you plenty!
[Reply]
While I prefer to help out my local Radio Shack franchisee than waste my time trying to find what I want at Best Buy (which just has more of what I’m not looking for), they pissed me off the other day. I saw iPod Classics on their website, but supposedly the Classics are only available in the store. When I visited my local “Shack,” I was told that no store in the entire Mid-Atlantic region had them available. Why advertise the damn things to begin with, then? “They’re only available in our stores, but our stores don’t have any.” I think I’m going to advertise Audis and pizzas on my store website, but say they’re only available in the shop.
[Reply]
Oh Christ, Keff Kay…hurry back because this stream of comments contains so much bull shit. Jeff, finish writing your f$%#ing book already
[Reply]
How long does it take to write a friggin’ book, anyway?
Sheesh
[Reply]
Jason…here’s a good place to do some homework for your laptop advice. Brands, features and bucks. Editor’s choice and user reviews. All different electronics. Bought my external HD based on their info..
http://reviews.cnet.com/laptops/?tag=hdr;snav
[Reply]
p.s….. I don’t care for ‘Notebooks’. 14″ is as small as I’d go.
[Reply]
Names & nicknames
Pretentious hyphenated names
But, have you ever heard of the Land of the Three Named People?
http://tinyurl.com/ycvsjdq
[Reply]
OK, I’m sorry for posting that. I had forgotten that it’s really not that funny.
As you were.
[Reply]
Jason – my advice on the laptop…. If you plan to use it as a replacement for a desktop, will be dealing with spreadsheets and/or a lot of numbers, or viewing a lot of pictures, you need at least a 17″ screen, which also usually means that there is a separate number keypad to the right of the keyboard. My last laptop was 15″ without the keypad and I had no end of frustration. I couldn’t see much on the small screen and hated having to scroll.
The amount of RAM, HDD storage, and processor speed you need depends on what you plan to use it for. Like DTO, I also consulted CNET and found their buying guide had some good suggestions.
http://reviews.cnet.com/laptop-buying-guide/?tag=resourceLeftContainer.0
[Reply]
@mexico motorcycle – there were 500-600 comments when the Kays vacationed in England. tangent after tangent
[Reply]
Six Hundred Fifty Six to be exact…
http://thewvsr.com/031708.htm
[Reply]
Shiny has fallen out of the top ten commentators! SR, I hope you’re doing great and have been “good busy” as opposed to “there is so much crap going on that I don’t have time to comment.”
Radio Shack in Canada has been converted to The Source but has gained nothing in relevance or utility.
Mayonnaise is my favorite condiment and goes great on cold sandwiches, fries (dipped), burgers, hot dogs, sausages on a bun, chicken fingers, breaded chicken on a bun, chicken breasts, kraft dinner, grilled cheese, fajitas (better than sour cream), hot roast beef and hot turkey sandwiches. Miracle Whip is a weak imposter but still better than ketchup.
Also, I appologize for losing it in the the Tiger Woods comments the other day. I have no problem with men and women who are “players”…but it rubs me wrong when people get married, have kids and remain players. It really gets my goat when those people get away with it because of money and fame.
[Reply]
Maybe we can help KayFC with the book.
[Reply]
You all will probably not like this, but I think Miracle Whip is the greatest thing that ever happened to sammiches. Well, besides mustard and pickles.
Try this out…White bread, Miracle Whip, peanut butter, dill pickles, and lettuce.
EPIC!
[Reply]
Sidney – When is the baby due? You named about the entire content of food in my house with the exception of salad dressing and bbq sauce, but no amount of desperation will ever make me eat that sandwich.
[Reply]
If it’s yellow, let it mellow,
If it’s brown, flush it down.
[Reply]
Yo check it…Clabby G! Get yo bake on!!
[Reply]