Coherency Is For Suckers!
I’m intrigued by the Amazon Kindle; I can feel the beginnings of an obsession taking hold. But since it’s my style to be roughly five years late on such things, it’s likely that I won’t buy one until midway through 2012.
The new model (the Kindle Husky?) was just released, but I don’t really like the looks of it. I think I prefer the book-sized version, over the big honkin’ magazine style. So maybe the new one will take off, and they’ll drop the price on the old one? We’ll see. Oh, we will see.
Do any of you actually own a Kindle? If so, we need your review. Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
I finally sent Burn After Reading back to Netflix, unwatched after a month and a half, and plan to start watching King of the Hill from the beginning.
I saw the first season when it was on TV, and probably part of season two, but got sidetracked fairly early. I love the show, though, and really like the idea of watching them all in order.
And hopefully this strategy will also help save Netflix for me. I don’t want to cancel my subscription, but it’s getting to the point where I’m paying money for nuthin’. Ya know?
On Saturday the oldest Secret and I mowed and whacked our lawn into submission, and left it a beautiful thing, indeed. But now dandelions are starting to pop up, and I’m not a fan of it. They’re like zits on the face of a Burger King cashier.
So, over the coming weekend I think I’m going to saturate our grass with a potent cocktail of chemicals and poisons. In fact, do they sell Agent Orange at Lowe’s? As soon as I finish with this update, I’m going to call and ask. ‘Cause something’s gotta be done.
You know, since we’re talking about Hank Hill…
A few days ago I was at the beer store (I can make this statement at any time), and there were two deeply-tanned toe-ring twentysomething hussies in there, probably shopping for some kind of boolshit Seagram’s Coolers, or whatever.
The Yuengling Lager was on the very bottom shelf, so I had to bend over to get it. And when I did, I could feel a distinct breeze passing over the great divide.
Alarmed, I snatched the case of beer, returned to an upright position, and yanked my shorts up. But it was too late… The two girls were standing right there (needless to say), and had seen everything. They’d witnessed, up-close, a foot of crack explode from the rear of my pants.
Yeah, and they were still snickering as I drove away. Hell, for all I know they might’ve also snapped a cell phone picture, and sent it to the entire hussie network. Simply excellent.
I need a haircut again, and was complaining about it to Toney yesterday. “Why don’t you go over to Hags ‘n’ Fags on Saturday, and let them take care of it?”
Hags ‘n’ Fags?! It’s great when little things happen, and you realize you’re with the exact right person. Know what I mean?
And speaking of Toney, she went for a walk a few days ago and got herself tangled-up in a lengthy conversation with a crazy (my opinion) woman who lives in the next block.
Toney barely knows this person, but she was pontificating at length about her teenage daughter’s emotional problems. She said she’s been seeing a psychiatrist since she was fourteen, or whatever, and “just doesn’t know where she fits in.”
Who goes around telling almost-strangers personal shit like that? Especially about their kids? No good.
However, I’ve seen the girl in question, and believe I can offer some assistance. It’s very simple really. Just keep checking the Indigo Girls website, and the next time they tour take the young lady to one of their concerts. And the mystery will be solved; she’ll know exactly where she fits in.
Thank you. Please pay my assistant two hundred dollars.
And I’m going to leave you now with the Question of the Day… I’d like to know what things you can’t stand smelling, that most people believe smell good? Did I describe that correctly?
For me, it’s freshly mowed grass. Everybody says they like the smell, and I don’t understand it. It conjures horrible memories of mowing my grandmother’s lawn when I was twelve, slick with sweat and breaded with sand and gnats.
Another, of course, is garlic. Whenever we walk into a restaurant and the stench of garlic slugs me full in the gut, Toney says, “Mmmm… that smells good!” Wha’? How?? How could that possibly be listed under the heading of “good?”
And we can do it around the other way, as well. What things do most people say stink to high heaven, but you don’t really mind?
I’ve mentioned skunk before. When we’re driving somewhere, and pass through a skunk cloud, everyone starts hollering and breathing through their shirts. But I kinda like it. It’s not bad at all… Sometimes I adjust the air vent, so I get a little extra.
So, there ya go. Use the comments link below, to bring us up to date on this important issue.
And that’ll do it for today, my friends.
I apologize in advance, but I’m not sure when I’ll be able to update again. It’s going to be a challenge for the next few days. Sorry, but it can’t be avoided. Only temporary, though… By the end of the work week, everything will have returned to “normal.”
So, see ya next time. Have a great day!
Filed under: Daily
1st. That is all.
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I just spurted myself into 2nd place.
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Corned beef and cabbage. Ick.
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uno
dos
Tres?
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QUATRO Y CINCO!
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Don’t like the smell of baking bread. Can’t go into a Subway…have to have the wife or kids run in. Like the bread, hate the smell. Maybe it’s the yeast.
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I never understood why laundry detergents and air freshens boast a “fresh rain” scent. To me, rain always smells like dead worms and wet dog. Not what I want my clothes to smell like!
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Fabric softening dryer sheets. I can’t stand the perfumey odor that permeates the air, lingers on the clothes and the appliance itself. I’m pretty sure there’s some carcinogens, mutagens, and perhaps some teratogens in those sheets.
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Top 10. Whoo Hooo!
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Roses, patchouli (well, most perfumes and scented oils, for that matter), and new car smell.
Hey, it’s my anniversary today (9 years) and like previous years I completely forgot until my husband said something! Isn’t it supposed to be the husband who always forgets? Pass the beer nuts.
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Oh, and the screaming man-goat on the Further Evidence link? Either I’m going to lose a kidney from laughing or it will haunt my dreams.
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Can’t stand the smell of man crack in the beer store. Us hussies are unanimous on the subject. Burn after reading is worth watching so you can see Brad Pitt get killed.
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I actually gagged at the thought of pointing the skunk stink air vents in my direction…..
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Ahhh, skunk…I’m with you on that one, Jeff. Not bad at’all. Plus, I love sulphur. Light a match around any old time.
“a foot of crack explode from the rear of my pants.” Sometimes I think you are trying to get me fired on purpose.
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The Kindle2 is a gamechanger and you won’t believe how much you will love it. Two things make it “jeffworthy”, namely:
1. Free books- lots from amazon itself (the price is 0.00!) and from the gutenberg project or just google “free kindle books”.
2. Free samples (usually first chapterish) of books that aren’t free so you don’t waste your money.
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jeff – at least you were aware of the crack exposure, and fixed it immediately. many people wouldn’t.
and as for the hussies – what do they have to snicker about? they’re willfully showing it all the time…
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Seeing Brad Pitt get killed is the one and only reason to watch that movie. Now that you know about it, don’t bother. It is a stain on the otherwise stellar Cohen brothers’ body of work.
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King of the Hill was canceled by Fox this year.
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Mowed grass smells like hayfever to me.
All perfume smells like soap, I don’t care how much you paid for it.
Candles that smell like food, are gross, just make a batch of cookies and turn on the damn light. Forget the candle.
I like the smell of bleach. Bleach = Clean.
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The scent of Febreze literally makes me want to vomit. It smells like a combination of paper mill and Sani-Flush.
I can tolerate the smell of natural gas. Most people don’t realize that propane and natural gas have no natural odor. The rotten egg smell comes from mercaptans, a class of pungent chemicals that are added to to the gas. Back when I worked in a lab during my grad school days I used a lot of 2-MERCAPTOETHANOL and have grown immune to it’s noxious odor.
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@Renee, you have a point there about the smell of rain. Never thought about it, but can’t remember the rain smelling good.
@kristin, the difference is, one you like to see and one you don’t. No, on second thought, most of the time you don’t like looking at the ones sportin’ em, only on the internets do they make them look good.
And what’s the deal behind being able to tolerate your own farts but heaving with any others?
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Hate new car smell, love the smell of rubbing alcohol which grosses out most people. It reminds me of my grandmother taking care of me when I was sick as a kid.
As for the Kindle – my best friend bought one a few weeks ago and I have been making fun of her ever since. I think they are ridiculous & overpriced, plus if the damn thing doesn’t have a light then why bother dragging it around? I’m much too attached to the look & feel of an actual cover & pages. Plus I would be terrified of breaking the thing – they seem quite fragile.
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I WANT A KINDLE SOO BAD, I am wearing the husband down, think he’s about to give in and get me one. I could buy it for myself, but then I’d feel guilty for spending so much money.
I mentioned it to a guy here at work who reads alot and he freakin bought one, but I won’t even touch it. He’s a bathroom reader and I refuse to hold something he (practically a stranger) religiously uses on the crapper.
Smells I don’t like are: the new car smell and Most mens cologne. Almost all air freshners in cans. Beer, hate the smell, love the taste. How weird is that.
Crack fouls are excusable as long as you check and fix, crack on purpose is punishable by squirt bottle &/or peanut butter. If it shows it should be either washed or filled with a spackle type paste!
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Gretchen, I’m with ya on the patchouli.
Also hate the smell of lamb cooking.
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Ohmigosh! I cannot believe someone already said the smell of the bread at Subway! That is some nasty shiite right there, just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.
LOVE the smell of garlic (sorry, Jeff) and coffee (some people think it smells/tastes like dirt), but I don’t actually drink the stuff myself…I just like the smell.
My favorite smell is my man, and I am guessing most others (men, at least) would disagree. Mmmm…Sean…
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I don’t have a Kindle, but I downloaded the Kindle app to my ipod touch and have been reading books on it. It’s a small screen, but it’s great having the baclkight, something the Kindle doesn’t have.
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Jeff, You were worried about your think filter the other day but I believe the issue may be your stink filter.
Kindle: I would surely drop that in the shitter!
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Funny you should mention it, because I just received a Kindle as a birthday present from Betterhalf. It was a genius move on her part because she got the joy of giving it PLUS the floorshow of my torment about buying virtual books. I love reading, but I also love having and holding a book- an actual book. On the other hand, the Kindle is bitchin’, portable and electronic. Hmm . . . I figured out when it’s really going to please me: when I want a book right now and can’t stand to wait two days for delivery from Amazon.
On the split pants front- I have never heard of anyone ventilating so many pairs of pants; it’s like a talent, really.
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The girl I was (is/am?) dating hates the smell of cumin and also the smell of beer brewing. I loooove both of those.
I brewed a batch of beer last year and it made my apartment smell like Clifton on a Saturday morning in September. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
Like the idea of kindle, seems really fragile, though.
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Asparagus Pee now there’s a smell permeating the food network 24/7. the kindle life wasn’t worth living until someone inveted a paperback that could electricute you! Talking of killing Brad Pitt ,sat through Benjamin Button last night, being waterboarded 3 times a day would be less painful!
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I’ve seen few Kindles on planes and in airports – they look like they will smash into pieces way too easily. If my 14-month old can break it, we don’t buy it.
I love the smell of gasoline – to the point where I will purposely spill a little at the gas station or near the lawn mower just to get a whiff. Not enough to get high or anything (those dayz are overrr).
I’m surprised no one has mentioned a certain part of the female anatomy, south of the border. Simultaneously the most attractive and repulsive smell ever. What’s that joke again? “Once you get past the smell, you’ve got it licked!”
Skunk is indeed a good smell in light doses – did you know humans have the lowest taste and smell thresholds for skunk gland chemicals and cat piss? We can taste something like 10 billionths of a gram per liter of those compounds in water.
-Mr. Wizard, checkin’ out for today.
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Invented and electrocute Dammit!
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Don’t blow that kind of money! Use that money and buy a smartphone that will do the same thing plus lots more. Ahem, I DON’T mean the iPhone – those things are the hugest ripoffs (EVERYTHING costs extra).
Check this out – I bought an LG Incite (for ATT or TMob) on ebay for $200 straight up (NO CONTRACT!) This particular item has Windows and Office Mobile, which includes Word. I dragged and dropped all my books, in txt, doc, or pdf format onto the phone through a data cable. Now I always have my books with me.
I also have the latest episodes of the Office and My Name is Earl on there for good measure.
F*ck a bunch of iTunes.
Also, since this is Windows, there’s a ton of free software out there and it does everything an iPhone will do.
And don’t you people get all apple-nerd on me – I have 50+ games, 6 GPS apps, 100′s of MP3′s (and ringtones), opera and IE browsers. Cost? $0.00US.
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OMG, where to begin? There’s so much ripe fruit to pluck in this post, really. Guess I’ll go backwards: I hate the smell of hyacinths with a passion because it’s accompanied by a complete dusting of my sinuses and moist inner nostril regions with a prickly powder that both itches and stinks at the same time. I also hate those trees that smell like cat pee, but I don’t think anyone really digs those.
KOTH rawks. I dream of someday possessing the smarts of the lovely LuAnn or Bobby even for that matter.
Since I went through a period where hairdressers seemed to hear the exact opposite of whatever I asked to have done to my hair, then act upon that mishearing, I gave up haircuts. Really, once you have to bitch at someone for giving you “the Janet Reno” when you only asked to have dead ends off the bottom of long hair, why go back into those dreaded waters? I did a whole blog on the history of my life in bad haircuts.
Get a dandelion digger so you can get the taproot out. Use it right after a heavy rain when the ground wants to give up the taproot more easily. Otherwise, every poison I’ve found that won’t also kill my dogs is like a damned dandelion vitamin. Manual death is all they truly respond to. Save the money and power up the gun show for the swirly, twirly dandelion killing device (available at all hardware stores).
MountainLaurel, who is on my blogroll if not on yours (cause I’m too busy writing this novel to look), blogged about getting her Kindle not too long ago. She will have answers to your questions. She also rocks.
Whew! I don’t post often but when I do I sure as fuck make up for missed time, don’t I?
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PS: You can throw a little dirt and grass seed over the dandelion divot when you’re done and in a couple of week, et voila, lawn beauty. Not that I bother with it myself. Instead, we’re going to have the whole lawn dug out, landscaping cloth laid down, and cover that with mulch and pea gravel pathways. If all else fails, that will kill a dandelion for sure.
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Oh, yeah I forgot Jeff had an iPod (Don’t get me started on those either). I heard there was a way to read books on there too, but there’s a good chance they make you buy it on iTunes, I would think…..
Cinnamon scents – no thanks. Pumpkin spice candles *will* make me reech.
Stephanie, I love the smell of your man too. Peace out.
Any word on more ETW’s b00bs on her site????!!!
Shalom,
Garrett
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I was an early buyer of the Kindle and felt a bit douchey but now I love the thing except for the unwanted questions from douchey types……I can’t stand the smell of roasting lamb.
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First things first….”Hags-n-Fags”?!? I laugh in sterio…my co-worker just pulled a “Kilroy” over her cubical to see what the ruckus is about.
Fresh cut grass is gross…smells like fresh spooge. Also gotta go with patchouli AND any musk toilette waters…burns my nostrils. I think it IS actually toilet water….PEE-U. When I was little, my dad would make a cauldren of oyster stew, even when no one else would go near it. Holy Shit! The house smelled like dead fish at the end of the pier for days.
Love the smell of roasting a turkey in the oven, lilacs, puppy breath, my boyfriend….My turn-offs are dishonest people and the mistreatment to animals. And my wish is for world peace….Thank you.
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I also don’t mind the skunk smell – I grew up in a small town surrounded by farm country, so to me skunks smell like aimless teenage summer-night driving. Brings back the memories whenever I drive through a cloud of the stuff.
However, I wouldn’t like it on my person. Once I was out for a run, going past a strip mall, and looked up to see a skunk in the ground cover about 8 feet from me. You’ve never seen a person make a left turn so abruptly.
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Dandelions? I happen to like them and think they are pretyy. When was the vote taken that this cheerful little flower is actually a weed to be treated with derision and scorn? And just what was this edict based on?Why am I never consulted about these things?
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The smell of sweet potatoes cooking makes me dry heave. No clue as to why. Buzzardbilly, those cat piss trees (I think they’re eucalyptus) are EVERYWHERE in Golden Gate Park. Before we figured out it was the trees, we used to yell at each other for stepping in cat piss and walking on the carpets! The dog even smelled like it. ick.
I agree with Jeff and the skunk smell – I don’t mind it at all. Kinda reminds me of my greenbud days (ahhh….the 80s….)
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
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Likes…the smell of my farts
Dislikes….the smell of others farts.
Weird.
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@Jeff – Did you know that King of the Hill is technically a spinoff of the Beavis and Butthead character Tom Anderson? So if you really want to get some real background, you will need to watch the entire Beavis and Butthead collection too!!! Then you can watch The Cleveland Show witch is going to be a spinoff of King of the Hill…Wheew!!!
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@ Joe T – Then don’t sniff the candles at the Yankee Candle Shop, I leave presents in select scented candle jars.
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@t-storm: The smell of clifton on a Saturday morning in September! PRICELESS!!
For those of you not from the greater cincy area, Clifton freaking stinks…
….and not just in September!
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Love the smell of gasoline and diesel exhaust, can’t stand the smell of flowers.
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@garrett – The girls make surprise appearances – no telling when the next time will be.
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I can’t stand the smell of chicken boiling-until after it has reached a certain “doneness”. I have no idea about that weirdness. Also, any “old lady perfume” makes me involuntarily wretch.
Febreeze after it has “faded”-I swear, it smells like ketchup. I know, more weirdness.
I want a Kindle for convenience, but I love books too much, and would feel weird paying for a book and not being able to add it to my monumental library collection-music is one thing, books are another.
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Jeff,
I’ve totally lost interest with movies from Netflix. I’m having a problem starting ‘Pineapple Express’. But TV series are a different story. Just stick with those babies and it’ll totally be worth it to you.
I agree on the skunk smell. I love it! To me, it smells like brewing coffee… You know… If it’s not an over the top skunk-a-rama.
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I too like the skunk smell.
I used to live in a town that had an ethanol plant. Most people hated the smell. I liked it. I sort of miss it.
There’s these 2 trees outside my apartment that bloom around Valentine’s Day. The flowers are beautiful, but the smell is dreadful. I call it the cum tree. I actually hold my breath and run past it when it’s in bloom.
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I can’t stand the smell of baby powder (in any form), microwave popcorn or oranges. My favorite smells are garlic, beer, carnations, my man and my kiddo right after his bath.
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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, BUY a freakin Kindle 2 already. Do NOT buy an original Kindle off eBay as you want the cellular connection in the Kindle 2. The print is fantastic, but there is no backlight, so you’ll need a normal reading light. Don’t buy the one from Amazon as it has serious glare as it’s blue LEDs. I read the Surf Report on my Kindle 2 all the time, and it works great. The ability to look up unknown words by simply highlighting them is fantastic.
My only complaint is some authors refuse to support the Kindle 2 or ebooks at all. You can also gets 1000s of classic books fro free. Just go to http://www.kindlecookbook.com.
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Chitlin’s – They smell so bad but they taste sooooo good…
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@ Gretchen – Happy Anniversary, *sniff, sniff* it could have been us.
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@Shiny-Cleveland show is a spinoff of the Family Guy…just sayin’
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I’ve had eBook readers for awhile and have had a Kindle 2 since the day they came out. It is the best out of the readers that I have looked at or owned. In fact, my wife and I each have a Kindle 2! (If you have 2, you can read books simultaneously only buying them once.) Forget the big model. It is for text books and reading magazines. (There aren’t many mags or papers available now) The normal model is a perfect fit in your hands for reading and feels like reading a book. I can’t stand to read a real book anymore. You have to hold them open, the pages never are completely flat, and you have to flip pages. Sounds petty, but once you get used to reading on an eBook reader, you will understand. To address others’ comments…The Kindle is durable. You can’t throw it off a 3 story building, but I’ve have dropped it while reading and accidentally sat heavy things on the screen with no problem. Secondly, you can’t compare reading a book on a cell phone (even an iPhone) and reading it on Kindle. The Kindle screen is designed to look like paper and is double the size of an iPhone screen. I wouldn’t want a backlight since it would defeat the paper-like look of the screen.
Get one ASAP and don’t look back!
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randomn smells In no particular order,
Acceptable smells:
some women.
skunk.
cinnamon.
coffee.
strawberries.
cow crap. (its a farm thing)
synthetic gear oil.
transmission fluid.
wintergreen.
Detroit falls in the middle. Sometimes it smells terrible. Sometimes it clears my sinuses.
Unacceptable smells:
most every perfume/aftershave in existance.
pig crap.
chicken crap.
human crap.
rotting flesh.
used conventional gear oil.
rubber floor mats as usually found in workout/gym areas.
melting plastic.
stale cigarettes.
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@ WB in OH – oops, meant to say replacing King of the Hill, my bad…
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@ Alex – and don’t forget New Jersey…
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I just spent the last half hour looking over ETW’s site. And I refuse to believe that I’m the only one that did that. HAHA
I like the smell of gasoline, new tires, spray starch, and BBQ smoke.
I hate the smell of baby powder. I have no idea why.
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Oh Shiny Rod, what could have been indeed. ;o)
To the person who said cumin, I second that. Hate the taste of it too.
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I second microwave popcorn. Totally nasty.
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I love real books. I get them at the half price book store. Sometimes for $1.00 each! I love the smell of linen/cotton blossom. Jovan musk, Christmas tree, Baby head, Fresh air from Lake Michigan (upper lower west Michigan to be exact.) Skunk weed mmmm although I can’t inbibe,The smell of horses, I like leather,burning rubber at the race track. roasting turkey or beef roast, asparagus pee , strawberries, hyacinths, lilacs, lavender, whisky, sometimes tobacco or cigars, campfires, laundry. new car,
I hate the smell of asphalt, bad feet, male cat piss, pig farm, rotten chicken, rotten potatoes, oil paint, mold and mildew, death breath, rotten milk, wet dog,
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Love baby powder. Makes me want stripper
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Smells!! My worst is fall/cinnamon/pumpkin candles burning in someones house nonstop. my sinuses make a quick exit thru any hole after that. with a migraine to follow. I hate campfires..gag
My favs are hmm..cigs in a pack..the smell of them not burning..don’t smoke and can’t stand the smell of them burning. I also like the smell of lemonade..reminds me of being young and sick and mom bringing me lemonade with ice..sigh. I also have a thing for leather.
and I don’t have a kindle..but I do own those old fashioned things..books?? You have to hold them, dust them off, open them!! wtf!! lol
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Oh, I like the smell of paint too. Nothing like walking into a freshly painted room. Love it!!!
And Sharpies. I sniff those regularly.
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I like the smell of the a/c just turning on and roux. Just a heads up, you’re gonna be pissed since they haven’t released past season six on KOTH!
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@ Shiny Rod
Thanks for the heads up!
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You didn’t miss anything not watching “Burn After Reading”, it blows. And I’m a huge Coen fan from the “Blood Simple” daze.
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Smell smell smell… I for one can’t stand people talking about smells. This smalls great, that smells like poo. It’s all lost on me. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a sense of smell. Never have. A majority of the time smell only comes up when it’s bad.
Sure, it’s terrible for someone to “lose” their sense of smell. but I never had it. But from what you “smellers” are telling me, I don’t really want to be smelling anyway. Poop smells bad, skunks smell bad, wet dogs smell bad, ass smells bad, even some things like Jeff pointed out, that some think smell good, smell bad. So no thanks, I don’t need your smells. I will simply continue too drop ass unhindered and laugh when others try to “dust” my pod, cause guess what… I can’t smell. Enjoy
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@Malcolm, “a certain part of the female anatomy, south of the border. Simultaneously the most attractive and repulsive smell ever.” A very astute observation. I maintain that it’s attractive if fresh, but it’s very perishable.
Can’t stand, but many people like: Most forms of scented [candles or similar], Molson in the green bottle (aka skunked hops). I despise bananas, although I’m a fan of Hefeweizen, which smells like bananas and cloves. Go figure.
Love, but many hate: Somebody else smoking (especially a pipe, but also cigarettes or weed); stinky cheese, stinky whisky. Fresh hops. Dust burning off the heaters when you first fire it up in the fall. A good floral-smelling gin.
Even as a little kid, I loved the smell of a freshly-opened can of coffee. Still do.
I’ve never considered buying a Kindle, because (among other reasons) it stops working when Amazon goes away. My out-of-print books still work fine.
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Jerv, you un-smelling futher mucker scentless bastard.
good for you
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I’m with Jerv. I have no sense of smell. If I can smell it, it must be a strong odor indeed. This can be a good thing, but also a bad thing because it can backfire. “Gee Jim, you smell like a distillery! Maybe you should take the rest off the day off.”
Over here they have something called “stink tofu”. Go ahead, Google it. It smells like somebody did something wrong, horribly wrong, in the ktichen. But lots o’ folks buy it and actually eat it. Boggles the mind….
What’s up with all the Brad Pitt hate? Dude is a good actor and has made some good movies: Legends of the Fall, Snatch, Seven Years in Tibet, Ocean’s . Mr. and Mrs. Smith – that’s some funny shit.
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Why spend $400 (whatever) on Kindle? It’s a uni-tasker, has limited options, and if you read at night, it’s not backlit. An iPod touch for the same money does many, many things, is backlist, and yes, has a free Kindle app available. You can still get those free Kindle books and read them–even in a dark room.
Go iPod or iPhone.
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Love the smell of coffee beans. Dislike the smell of the artifical air freshners the wife plugs into the light socket (indoor air pollution!). Her lousy excuse is that it smeels better than my Ass.
Jeff, I let one loose and loud at the liquor store in the rum section (thinking I was alone). But when I went ot the counter the checkout girl was giggling uncontrollablly.
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Hate the smell of card shops, gift shops, and such. It must be the candles or incense, I don’t know. And yes, @airandee, those light socket shits are disgusting and dangerous, they can catch fire. I only let my wife have them on when someone’s coming over and she wants to block the litter box and bathroom odors wafting near the front door.
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Seems pertinent:
Rotten office fridge cleanup sends 7 to hospital
Tue May 12, 9:01 pm ET
SAN JOSE, Calif. – An office worker cleaning a fridge full of rotten food created a smell so noxious that it sent seven co-workers to the hospital and made many others ill. Firefighters had to evacuate the AT&T building in downtown San Jose on Tuesday, after the flagrant fumes prompted someone to call 911. A hazmat team was called in.
What they found was an unplugged refrigerator that had been crammed with moldy food.
Authorities said an enterprising office worker had decided to clean it out, placing the food in a conference room while using two cleaning chemicals to scrub down the mess. The mixture of old lunches and disinfectant caused 28 people to need treatment for vomiting and nausea.
Authorities said the worker who cleaned the fridge didn’t need treatment — she can’t smell because of allergies.
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Taiwan On: going back to my Military days: I love the smell of Kimchee in the morning! It smells like the deep shit we find ourseves in!
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Can’t stand the smell of jasmine. My sister has it right outside her front door, and I have to hold my breath and make a run for it whenever I go for a visit.
Mmmmmm…skunk. When a friend of mine from Germany came for a visit, she got a whiff of skunk for the first time in her life (don’t have them there) and thought it was wonderful. Must be strange to have seen Pepé Le Pew cartoons as a kid but not to know what the fuss was about, especially if it turns out you actually like the smell.
I also like the smell of my own girl parts and my freshly sweaty armpits. Though I don’t walk around sniffing myself, it is kinda creepy, I just realized.
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I hate the smell of tuna – HATE it… starts the gag reflex everytime. Of course, my soon-to-be-ex hates the smell of onions… so it has been a veritable smorgasbord of onion dishes. Just to piss him off. You know, because he won’t move out yet. (Have to get my passive-agressive jollies somehow)
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@ Misselle – fix him some french onion soup, I got a great recipe but watch out, he might start eating more tuna fish sandwiches.
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@ Brynhildr – Have you smelled German food? I grew up in a German heavy part of New Jersey and had to walk by a German deli every day on my way to school. Just think, pickles, kraut, brat wurst, liver wurst and bologna reeking with garlic. Oops, I just had an Amish orgasm!!!
“I also like the smell of my own girl parts and my freshly sweaty armpits.” WTF? Can I join in on the fun?
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“Authorities said the worker who cleaned the fridge didn’t need treatment — she can’t smell because of allergies”
What does that tell you? There is an office full of hypocondriacs who are too stupid to step outside and take deep breaths and help get rid of the offending items.
Alex.
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@Shiny Rod – my mother is German so I grew up with all of it. Grandma’s house is even better. Oddly enough, I never developed a taste for pickles or sauerkraut, but a good liverwurst on proper German bread can be better than sex – at least that’s what I tell myself during dry spells. Oh and the smell of cakes and pastries does wonderful things to me. ( I used to live across the street form a German bakery. My love life hasn’t been the same since I moved.) I have to stop thinking about such things or I’ll end up saying things I’ll regret in the morning. (P.S. I can send you the panties I wore during my workout today if you ask nicely, though.)
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@ t-storm and Dougincincy
Ahhh the smell of Clifton in September (or any other time really). Reminds me of a few to many late nights / early mornings in college.
Love the smell of anything grilling. Smells like Summer.
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HATE (with a capital HATE) – Microwave popcorn!
Like – Dairy farm
Jeff – Save the money on a unitasker like the Kindle and just get a netbook (the tablet versions are coming!) with your choice of OS.
Read anything. Run your favorite apps. BACKLIT!
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When I was a kid, I loved the smell of gasoline. Gives me a headache now.
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@ Brynhildr – Oh you are such a tease, you had me at liverwurst. Oh Pretty Bitte, sie sind so süß. Ich bin eure gewidmet Geschlecht Slave.
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The double German “S” in the comments section?! Holy umlat, Shiny Rod, that’s impressive!
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Hate the smell of coffee and choke on the taste of it.
Hate the smell of the laundry detergent aisle. I avoid it whenever I can.
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Well well I wonder how A.O. is feeling this morning? GO PENS!!!
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A.O. is a no go to the big show.
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Can’t stand the smell of green bell peppers or cantaloupe. The latter will make me heave Jonah. Sometimes just thinking about them nasty critters will cause … oh … um … Cleanup on aisle 9 please.
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@ Gretchen – Und wenn Sie denken, dass es eindrucksvoll ist, mich entschuldigen, während ich das schnell ziehe…
and on top of that, I’m Gaelic descent.
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I can’t stand the smell of lobster being boiled. gag.
Also, farts of some family members are tolerable, but farts of strangers are gross.
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Here is the Kindle’s much cheaper cousin:
http://www.cockeyed.com/incredible/kindling/kindling01.shtml
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@Shiny Rod – I’m impressed… and speechless.
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Get a room, you two. Some other people may know German, and you’re going to make them puke. At least exchange email addresses before I get out the hose and we start reading stuff like, “Do you have any german in you….?…etc.” or “Do you like german sausage…..?…etc.”.
Shalom,
Garrett, Central Texas German
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@ garrett – g1g3m – Mein Vati war von Texas, und er ging nach Deutschland während WWII. Vielleicht habe ich wirklich einen kleinen Deutschen in mir. Shalom? Sie müssen ein Deutscher Jude sein. Ich werde geehrt, um ein Gespräch mit Ihnen zu haben.
You know, in German, it looks so foreign. Thank God I never learned to speak Gaelic.
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@ other kristin – are you kidding, that’s my signal to start melting some butter.
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@ Brynhildr – Ich habe zum Ziel zu erfreuen. Jetzt über diejenigen… Ich bin überrascht, dass Jason auf dem Band-Wagen nicht gesprungen ist. Danke mein liebes, Sie haben meinen Tag gemacht. Ich genieße den Geruch einer echten Frau. Ich hasse es, wenn sie es mit dem Überwältigen von Parfümen maskieren. Gerade ist ein Hinweis erforderlich. Würde Sie, einen anderen schnitzengruben mögen?
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Shiny Rod,
Ich spreche nur ein klein wenig Deutsch.
But it’s enough to know what’s going on. Jump on the band wagon, puh-lease. I have been reformed, don’t you know?
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@ Jason – Sie müssen in Ihrem Ihrem Deutsch glänzend werden. Reformiert, und wie nehmen Sie an, dass ich das glaube? Lassen Sie gerade Frau Brandy auf die Beine bringen, und wir werden sehen.
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Dieser Platz geht an die Hunde, wenn Jeff verschwindet für ein paar Tage.
Google has so many cool features…LOL
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@ Jason – and watch your verbs too! “one small little german”
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Oh yes, Brandy. (sigh) Got me.
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Quatsch.
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@ WB in OH – Beugen Sie wow mein Freund! Aber die kühlste Eigenschaft ist im Stande, German zu sprechen, ohne eine Übersetzung zu verwenden. Besonders, da ich Deutsch in der Universität nahm. Aber ich muss wirklich den doppelten s und andere spezielle Charaktere übersetzen, so nimmt es mich, findet eine Weile den richtigen Schlüsselcode auf der Tastatur.
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@ Dogberryjr – Everyones ein Kritiker!!!
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hee hee hee – you said “Schnitzengruben.”
Sorry Garrett, I’ll go take a cold shower and put you out of your misery.
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Das wird schlecht wirklich, wenn wir sprechendes Deutsch aufsuchen müssen. Sie haben darüber WB in OH recht. Jeff, bekommen Sie Sie Esel im Zahnrad-Mann und bekommen Sie uns eine Aktualisierung!!!
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@ Brynhildr – Thank you my dear, I just had to throw that one in there for Garrett.
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@ Shiny Rod,
My grandparents spoke “low” german all the time but I was to young to ever catch on. My dad still speaks some with the other old timers but I’m sure most of it is just nonsense since it’s been about four generations diluted.
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I had a good Professor in college, he gave his lectures in German so if you didn’t pay attention, you would not pass. Once you learn the verbs, the nouns are easy. I have to translate sometimes to get the right spelling though. I have a good grasp but I still get stumped sometimes when using the special characters. To speak it cleanly is a breeze, it’s those dialects that always get me. There are a lot of slang words and bad diction but I guess thats with most foreign langauges.
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@ Shiny Rod (you really should change that, it makes me feel gay to type it)
I can pretty much only get the gist of what you’re saying – I haven’t spoken the language since I was about 9, and then, it was just so I knew when my grandparents were talking about Christmas presents, and whatnot (sometimes they forgot I understood).
My grandfather was the second generation off the boat, and had to go overseas in WWII too. The other one was fighting the tojo’s, so it wasn’t a big deal for him.
I knew when i wrote it, everybody’d be confused – I usually use Shalom as a smart-assed closing. I this context, it probably wasn’t required. I am a typical catholic kraut….
I hope i responded correctly, and you weren’t in fact asking for the secret recipe for Bush’s baked beans or something… like I said, I’m rusty.
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@ garrett – Shiny is a reference from the movie Fire Fly meaning happy, cheerful and Rod is short for my middle name. So a little play on words. My dad did both sides, soon as he finished his tour in Germany, he got shipped out to Korea. You can tell that since I have no dialect and do not use slang words, my German is from textbook learning. You responded correctly and yes, I already know the Bush beans recipe. Some lab told my chow/boxer mix (her picture is linked to my name) about a great bean recipe. She wasn’t putting out though.
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Parlez-vous français?
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Non!
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I can’t let the Germans take over!
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For years, I have been repulsed by the smell of Tom Bosley.
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Well as my boring old uncle in Leipzig used to say: Im Himmel fehlen alle interessanten Leute.
God he was dull!
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O.K. I’ll bite! What does Tom Bosley smell like?
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Since nobody else had brought it up… Mein Luftkissenfahrzeug ist von den Aalen voll.
Just saying.
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Brylcreem and Ben-Gay? Or perhaps just the cheap plastic, potentially toxic junk he’s peddling these days?
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@Chill – your hovercraft is full of eels? Wha…? (scratching head)
Yes, coherency is indeed for suckers!
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Ich habe die Übersetzung dieser deutschen Dialog aller Fricken Tag und euch beginnen, um mich mit den Nüssen zu übersetzen. Eigentlich, haben Spaß mit ihr Jungs!
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@Bill in PA – German is my first language (Mom was still a little fresh off the boat – literally – when I was a baby so I learned that first) and I’m having a hell of a time following some of the conversation. It’s a good test of my deciphering skills, though.
One of the funniest translation atrocities ever can be found here:
http://www.engrish.com/2009/05/wait-impatiently-for-woman/
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@ Bill in PA – Why Bill, I’m flattered but my nuts are not available.
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@ pagan – that depends on what you call heaven and who you think made it there.
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@Brynhildr – It’s an old Monty Python bit, about a deliberately-wrong phrase book. Google the phrase (in English) for details.
German is my zeroth language, i.e. I don’t speak it at all. When I had to go to Germany on short notice, about the only things I was able to learn before going were “noch ein Bier, bitte” and “wo ist die Toilette?” After I ordered a beer, a waiter thought I spoke German and started rattling off today’s specials, or whatever, and at that point I had to admit I was busted.
Engrish.com rules! Check out the “amusing duck” from yesterday.
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O.K. Surf reporters, stand up,raise your right arm and repeat after me in a very loud voice: Ich bin ein Mitglied des West- Virginiabrandungreports! Seig Heil!!!
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Seig Heil!!!
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Actually the vowels are backwords, it should be:
Sieg Heil!!!
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I am Brit and I’m drunk! what the hell do I know?
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Sorry I am a Brit & I’m drunk! etc etc:)
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Well, since we’re posting pics of our dogs now, here’s *my* Andy:
http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd99/g1g3m/Andy001.jpg
http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd99/g1g3m/Andy002.jpg
http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd99/g1g3m/Andy003.jpg
…and when I named him, I honestly didn’t even connect the name to Jeff’s Blacklips Houlihan at the time.
He even likes spaghetti and chases the mail truck.
One brown and one blue eye, and yes, his ears are like that all the time. My Andy is the Woody Harrelson of dogs (I caught him rolling a spliff the other day).
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What is this “Your comment is awaiting moderation.” bullshit? I’m subscribed to this thread!
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Back to smells – Anyone still living in Das Motherland (West-By-God Virginia) know a little town by the name of Anmore, right outside Clarksburg on I-79? The town had its’ own genuine funk and all the people who lived in it carried it. The whole town was nothing but a Carbon factory, literally, and the scent would carry for miles. Of course, this was back in its’ heyday of the 60s – 80s. With the layoffs and shutdowns it can’t crank up the stink like the old days, but not to the same level. Anyway, it stunk while I was there, but to smell it now would remind me of growing up near there (Bridgeport).
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@ Drug Delivery Guy – Nothing compared to the funk that occassionally waiffed it’s way across the Delaware from Bristol, PA to my home town of Burlington, NJ. The funk was so bad, it was setting off ordinance at the amuunition plant on the other side of the river. Either that or the plant workers where dropping the bombs to cover their noses. On those cool nights when we could sleep with the windows open, the sulfur dioxide smell would tiptoe in and cause all sorts of late night havoc.
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@ garrett – You have a good looking pup…
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I think until Jeff updates, everyone should post pictures of their dogs!
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I bid $200 on the giant corndog, but the talkin goat is giving me terrible nightmares.
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I don’t have a dog, so here’s a picture of my penis with a leash around its neck:
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You know, coherency really is for suckers. Coherency got me into a 10:00AM sales appt. tomorrow morning (Saturday) 1 1/2 hrs. away and I’m effed up on Beam, The Golden Elixer, Stella and unmentionables Friday night, Joe T. should come along for a ROAD TRIP! Maybe I’ll stop @ the Crayola Crayon Factory and be all kinds of acerbic with the guide.
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I forgot, Joe T. is probably running around yelling at a contractor, his kids, and his wife while “whipping his hands through his hair” and grabbing his Powerball ticket like it was his ticket to see Jesus have a naked pillowfight with Tyson @ the DQ in Pottstown.
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Can’t stand the smell of celery being sauteed. And wet dogs are about the worst. Love the smell of garages, libraries, diesel and gasoline, and the pages of a freshly printed paperback.
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totally unrelated.
I downloaded butch walker as i was persuaded to do. I really like it so i looked him up on wikipedia. i think i met him in atlanta back in ’98. he was dating a friend of a friend.
weird.
go reds
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Bowm-chicka-bow-bowm.
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Sauteed celery?????? WTF? Do you do radishes and lettuce too?
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@ Garrett – Yes, I sautee celery before adding it to my Jambalaya mess. It stinks when being sauteed! No I haven’t tried radishes and lettuce yet : ). But that brings up a memory or having to eat fresh radishes from my father’s garden at suppertime … yuuuuk.
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gag – microwave popcorn, meat cooking (unless on the Q)
love – campfires, suntan oil. I used to give my dog (who’s since died) dried bull penis chew ‘treats’ from the pet store – at first I thought they smelled so disgusting when he was chewing on them but if I smelled one now it’d remind me of him.
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I despise the smell of coconut, pineapple, and vanilla (the artificial vanilla scents, not the real stuff)
i like the smell of an old wound. i’ve had a couple doozies in my time. know the ones that you bandage, and the gauze gets healed into it while it’s healing so you have to cut it away, but still leave a chunk embedded in the scab. and it collects dead skin and sweat and blood and whatnot.
dont’ ask me to explain it!
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