For no sensible reason, our Christmas day started at 4 am. The younger boy was the culprit, and Toney didn’t shut it down when she had the chance. Before I fully realized what was happening… we were all downstairs in the middle of the night.
Getting up early on Christmas morning is standard, but 4 o’clock? That’s a bridge too far. And by 4:40 it was over. All the gifts had been ripped open, and I was frowning into my third cup of coffee. What the hell are we doing?!
But we somehow pulled it off. The boys seemed to have a nice holiday. To achieve this outcome I worked roughly 60 hours per week in late November and all of December, but that’s OK. The kids seemed happy, and that was the goal. You gotta do what you gotta do.
And the boy who woke all of us up at that ludicrous hour fell asleep before 10:00. One minute he was on the couch messing around with his new Kindle Fire, and the next he was clear-cutting timber with his head thrown back. Great.
I fell asleep later in the day, while sitting in a chair. I dreamt I was on a train, and was self-conscious the whole time about snoring and making a spectacle of myself. I’ve never traveled by train, and don’t really understand how I concocted such a scenario. It wasn’t very restful, though, what with all the other “passengers” judging me and whatnot.
We had a nice breakfast, and I spoke with my parents and brother on the phone. I ate a metric shitload of cookies, and ingested an ocean of Eight O’Clock bean coffee. We spent plenty of time together, and it was good fun. But by late-afternoon… I was like a caged animal. I don’t do well just hanging around on couches, and that sort of thing. I was losing it, man.
Around 4:30 I started mixing drinks, and that helped a little. But I was still walking from window to window, like my grandmother during the final years. I considered taking a walk, but it was freezing cold out there, so funk dat. I wondered if the dive bar was open, with the 1967 wood paneling and the always-present menacing lesbian. Of course it wasn’t… Nothing in the world was open.
So, I just continued to sigh and look through windows, and absentmindedly shove oatmeal cookies into my mouth with the heel of my hand.
Eventually the booze started to take the edge off, and Toney and I settled in for a House Hunters marathon. Hey, at least it was something… And by the second episode I was dozing off. We were completely exhausted, and threw in the towel before 9:00 pm.
And I was up again this morning at 5:00. The calibration is wildly out of whack… I have to return to work this evening, and will be dragging massive ass. Already, I feel weird, like I’m underwater or something. Fantastic.
How was your Christmas? How is your calibration? Wonder how the menacing lesbian is doing?
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.