I was listening to Clive Bull at work a few nights ago, and he was talking about something called “tiger bread.”  Apparently it’s a loaf of bread that’s been smeared with olive oil (or something) before baking, which creates a design on top of the loaf that sorta resembles a tiger’s coat.

Never heard of it, but that’s not really the point of this quickie update…  One of his callers said she rarely eats bread, because it gives her the hiccups.  Bread!

The weird thing: Toney suffers under the exact same curious curse.  Perhaps there’s one on every continent?  I don’t know.  But Toney can’t take a bite of a dinner roll, slice of toast, or piece of white bread, without hiccuping for the next 45 minutes.  It’s an amazing thing to behold.

The only time I get the hiccups is when I have one too many beers.  But I’m so “accomplished” at this point, one too many exists only as an abstract theory.  And there are no foods that trigger ’em, or weather conditions, or colors, or moods. 

So I rarely get the hiccups.  However, I know how to get rid of them, when I do…  My grandfather, on my dad’s side, died in 1974.  But even though I was fairly young then, I remember the never-fails hiccup cure he taught me, and have been using it most of my life.

You take nine sips of water, you see, without breathing in between.  Nine tiny sips, right after the other.  Then, when you’re finished, you just continue breathing normally. 

That’s the key:  controlling your breathing after all the sipping.  Instincts tell you to take in a big lungful of air at the end, but that’ll defeat the purpose.  You’ve got to make an effort to just breathe normally, and the hiccups will go away.  And I ain’t shittin’ ya, it never fails.

I’ve tried to teach the Secrets how to do this, and Toney too, but they always gasp for air at the end, and proclaim the technique “stupid.”  It’s all in the breathing though, and recalibrating the rhythm.

Is there anything that always makes you hiccup?  And do you know any never-fails cures?  What about hiccupping’s distant cousin, sneezing?  I knew a guy who would sneeze in bright sunlight.  WTF??

Use the comments link, if you’ve got anything to say about hiccupping or sneezing.  And also tiger bread, if you know anything about that weirdness…

And I’ll be back with a full-length update on Monday.

See ya then.

Now playing in the bunker.

Last weekend was hotter and more humid than the devil’s butt-crack, and a week later it feels like October outside.  I love it.  Not even Sunshine herself could be in a bad mood under such circumstances.  Heck, I bet even David Lynch’s dog would be all relaxed and chilled today.

To celebrate the suddenly-crisp temperatures, I believe I’ll invest in a six-pack of Samuel Adams Octoberfest, to kick-off the evening’s festivities.

So, this will be the fluid lineup for today:  Eight O’clock Bean Coffee, brewed extra-strong (currently being enjoyed), ice water (it tastes like nothing, yet it’s so damn good!), the Octoberfest (Samuel Adams is my favorite founding father), and a few standard vessels of the Pottsville golden elixir, as needed.

Tomorrow will be exactly the same, without the beer.  For some reason they frown on employees drinking adult beverages at my job, the tight-asses.  So, it’ll be a little extra water, and maybe a Mountain Dew Severe for a midnight pick-me-up.

What’s your weekend fluid lineup?  Do you make adjustments, based on weather?  What about mood?  It’s very important we know these things.  Use the comments link below.

And this concludes a rather ridiculous weekend quickie.

Now playing in the bunker.