I snapped this photo on Saturday at Costco. The dude had an interesting look, right? I thought he was a perfect candidate for the Big Swollen Gallery of Street Photography that resides mostly inside my phone and in text messages to my brother. Then, as I was about to capture the moment, he pointed in an exceedingly theatrical manner. I have no idea what was going on, and can offer no additional information.

I was hoping you guys could provide some captions for the photo? Use the comments section. Thanks in advance!

Also, I posted a new episode of the podcast today. Right here. This is your summary:

Since it’s kinda Halloweenish outside, I thought I’d share a rundown of my favorite scary movies. These are right off the top o’ my tiny Duke head; I did no advance Googlin’ or anything like that. So, I undoubtedly forgot some. But these are the ones that immediately jumped to mind. Some are predictable, and some are not. I hope you guys enjoy my picks, as well as the many barely-related jags I launch into, as usual. Thanks for the support! Thanks for listening!

I know it’s a predictable subject: a list of favorite horror movies around Halloween. But it’s not… you know, normal. It feels like a solid episode. I hope you agree.

Finally, since it’s November 1 I thought I’d remind you folks that Bourbon Season is now officially underway. It runs, as you know, from Halloween night through New Years Eve. To be perfectly honest, I don’t participate anymore. I’ve never been a liquor kind of guy, and it just doesn’t appeal at this point. But that doesn’t mean you can’t. Have at it! Enjoy your Bourbon Season. Also, I’m going to start reminding you to please use one of our Amazon links while doing your holiday shopping this year. Just click on through, shop as normal, and they’ll siphon off a small percentage of whatever you spend and send it to me. It costs you nothing extra, and helps me a great deal. Just follow the red arrow to the bottom of this and every update, click through the appropriate link, and go completely wild with it. Buy something like this. There’s free shipping!

And I’ll see you guys again on Monday.

Have yourselves a great weekend!

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There’s an obscure video on YouTube that haunts me, my friends. It’s mostly just footage of random people walking around Charleston, WV in 1981 or 1982. That would’ve been when I was a senior in high school, approximately. I grew up in Dunbar, one of the small towns outside of Charleston, and know those streets well. I mean, I basically grew up there.

Here it is if you want to give it a quick look. The music is a little off-putting, so you might wanna crank your speakers down. Good Lord.

Anyway, there are a couple of things that bother me about that thing. For one, look how vibrant and alive the streets of Charleston were. Stores everywhere… people out and about. Then they opened a mall down there, many of the big department stores moved into it, and the downtown area went swirling down the ol’ poop catcher. The mall was good for a while, but now it’s shit too. So, what did we gain?

People get caught up in trends and destroy great things. Malls were the hip and happenin’ thing back then, and everybody just willingly turned their backs on the world that was captured in the video. Within ten years it was decimated. The area has made a comeback over the past few years, to be fair, but it’s mostly restaurants and bars now. Much improved, but definitely not the same.

That kind of stuff bugs me. Ya know? I’m aware the same scenario played out all over the country, and all over the world, probably. But it still bothers me.

And the other thing… There are no fat people! It’s wild. Everybody’s relatively thin, not to mention exceedingly fashionable. It’s a wonder I’m not in this thing, maybe walking out of National Record Mart with a Buzzcocks album under my arm. And I would’ve been super-skinny too. Like Black Crowes-skinny.

But even the middle-aged people look to be in pretty good shape. Sure, they might be suffering from emphysema or possibly Black Lung. But that’s beside the point. If you went to a high traffic area like this now, in any town or city in America, you’d see a whole different landscape. Many people would be 1981-fat, which means 2018-trim. And there would be no shortage of flesh mountains waddling around with knee braces, or riding motorized jiggle jazzies. Huffing and puffing and bitching up a storm…

And it feels like we all ate like crap back then. I mean, I ate baloney sandwiches all the time, and pork chops for dinner with fried potatoes, and gallons of spaghetti with meat sauce. Everybody did. But it wasn’t as processed (except for the baloney), I guess? And there was much more activity, I presume. Oh! And not nearly as much fast food. That might be the big difference, right? Fast food in 1981 was a rare treat. Now it’s often a main source of sustenance. I’m as guilty as anyone…

Anyway, I know I’ll be accused of being an old man pining for the old days, etc. And that’s fine. You can shove it deep and on a slant, but it’s fine. I’d like to get your thoughts on this: the destruction of real downtowns and the reasons why so many of us are now the size of a Rose Bowl Parade float. Use the comments.

And I’m going to call it a day, my friends. As I type this, I don’t have the Monday episode of the podcast back from the producer dude yet. It’s my fault… I sent it to him late on Sunday. But it’ll be up today, and it’s a good one. Possibly the funniest one so far. At least I think so.

UPDATE: Episode 33 of the podcast is now up. I like this one, it’s one of my favorites so far. Please check it out.

I’ll see you guys again on Thursday.

Have a great one!

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Over the weekend I wandered into a couple of “new” clothing stores in our area. One is Burlington Coat Factory, which moved from a different location. And the other is called Gabe’s. I know they have those down in the motherland, but I’d never visited one. And I don’t think I’ll ever visit one again… By the time I finished walking through those places I was in the throes of a generous melancholy. Good Lord. There’s something about discount stores, like Marshall’s and TJMaxx and that sort of thing, that makes me depressed. They’re dreary and sad and demoralizing.

Also, there were birds flying around inside Gabe’s. And I don’t care for that. When I was young somebody — possibly my grandmother — made an offhand remark that “if a bird gets in your house it means somebody in your family is going to die.” That scared the living crap out of me. I mean… I know it’s just superstition, but it caused my brain to go down a path I didn’t want it to go down.

And, get this… When I was in Atlanta I had a second job at a bookstore for many years. And one night I was there with some cutesy girl who was still in high school, I think. We were the only two people working at the store that night. And as a customer walked through the front door, a freaking bird got in somehow. We all (including the customer) had a big laugh trying to get that thing out of there and finally succeeded.

But the very next day my co-worker’s dad fell off some scaffolding at his house, broke his neck, and died. She’d told me he was painting their house himself, even though he could’ve easily afforded to hire it done. I got the impression they were rich, or at least semi-rich. But she was making fun of him, the night the bird was sent to us as a sign, saying he’s such a “dad” and that sort of thing.

So, that shit didn’t help matters in my mind. Now, every time I see a bird inside a building I tense up a bit. I know it’s stupid, I’m fully aware, but it happens regardless. As I walked through that Gabe’s hopelessness I tried to analyze the situation. Who was that bird sent for? There were dozens of people inside the store, it couldn’t be me, right? Chances are slim, I decided. But still… it delivered a tiny twinge of anxiety.

Do you have anything like this? Some superstition that, against your better judgment, makes you think. I mean, it’s not like it destroyed my day. It just caused me to think dark thoughts. What do you have on superstitions? Anything? Please tell us about it in the comments.

And this is crazy. I hired the dude who edits and produces my world famous podcast through a freelancer website. And since I’m now considered a “heavy user,” I was invited to fill out an application to possibly be included in a future advertising campaign for the site. The name of my podcast would be featured prominently, and they’d cover travel expenses, pay me a per diem, etc.

So… needless to say, I filled out the application. If chosen, it will be one of the most horrifying experiences of my life to date. But can you imagine the material I could get out of such a thing? And the stories I could tell? Jeff Kay as a male model, at age 55 and fully-bloated?! Please God… let it happen.

I’ll tell you this much. If I am chosen — and I had to provide a photo, so chances are almost zero — I will be sporting multiple scarves, be super-demanding, and treat the support staff like crap. I will go full-diva and make everybody’s life a living hell. It’s a life-long dream. Oh, I’ll be worse than Ellen. It’s going to be great!

Should I come up with a stage name, like Sparkles? I probably should, right? Suggestions are welcome.

And speaking of the podcast, the new episode is up. Number 32 already! Is that crazy, or what? There are some laughs in this one. It feels like I’m on a roll of sorts, after that misfire a couple of weeks ago. Here’s the summary:

In this one, I tell you about the horrific period when I was “on the dating scene.” It was in Atlanta, and thankfully only lasted six or eight months. But they were memorable months, my friends. Memorable in a way that still makes my stomach churn when I think about them almost thirty years later. Thank you guys for the support! And thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy it.

And I’m calling it a day here. I’m thinking about ordering some Chinese takeout before work. Sounds good! I go there so often, the guy greets me as Mr. Jeff. I like that. But I return because of the food. Man, the place never lets us down. And it’s a half-mile from our house. Hell yeah.

I’ll see you guys again on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

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Update on the hot dog bar experiment in the podcast.

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You know what I’m thinking about doing this weekend? That’s right, setting up a goddamn hot dog bar in the dining room. Yes, I’m a very ambitious man. But I have visions of having ALL the toppings available. That includes melted-down cheese “food,” sauerkraut, cole slaw (to satisfy the WV in me), chili, all the normal shit, and maybe even some crumbled bacon. Hell yeah.

However, I don’t want to grill the dogs. I want to attempt to recreate the fantastic hot dogs o’ my youth. I’m talking about the Dunbar Dairy Queen and bowling alley dogs that were (in my mind) the best ever. I assume they were boiled? I don’t know for sure. But they also did something to the buns. Steamed ’em? This could require some experimentation. It would be a whole lot easier if I had more knowledge and wasn’t so stupid on the subject. And many, many other subjects.

But that’s my weekend project, boys and girls. I’ll report back on Monday and let you know how it went. Again: I’m not looking to create some kind of fancy gourmet hot dog. I’m attempting to recreate something from my kidhood. PLUS, have a shitload of crazy toppin’s just for fun. If you can provide some tips or hints on how to create a perfect hot dog stand-style dog, please let me know. I know nothing.

And by the way, in my hometown, back in the day, there was an ongoing debate about which was better: Dairy Queen or bowling alley. It was almost like a Beatles/Stones thing. Most people took a side and were passionate about it. I never took a side, ’cause both were great! Just like the Beatles and Stones. Why limit yourself to just one or the other? It made and makes no sense to me.

What do you like on your hot dog? I’m not stuck on any one combination. I like many combos. And that’s where the big spread of topping will come in. I’ll mix it up and just roll with it. But here are a few of my standard go-to’s:

sauerkraut and mustard
mustard and onion
chili and cheese
chili and slaw (when in the motherland)

Help me out, won’t you? Any tips on the kind of normal everyday hotdog to buy… and what to do with the buns… I need lots of assistance.

And you know what’s the most bullshit of all hot dogs? That’s right, the Chicago style. What the hell is that? Are they just screwing with us out of towners? People who live in Chicago don’t eat those, do they? I think they’re having a laugh at our expense. Right? It’s the only explanation I can come up with.

Please let me know your thoughts on the whole… hot dog thing. Use the comments section.

And I released a new episode of the world-famous Jeff Kay Show podcast today. Right here. It turned out pretty well, I think. Here’s your summary:

In this one, I celebrate the arrival of fall and talk about my need for all four seasons. And I tell you about a book I’m re-reading ’cause I love it so much, and how my snobbery nearly caused me to miss it. And I have a couple of questionable stories to share from my ridiculous past, inspired by a man I spoke with recently who’s having trouble with his “ass.” Thank you guys for the support! I hope you enjoy this one.

I hope you guys have a great weekend!

I’ll be back on Monday.

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