Last time I mentioned how Thanksgiving dinner prep was already underway and my dream of a full-blown Cracker Barrel holiday would have to be put off for another year. Or at least until Christmas. Remember that? Well… I planted the seed and it’s already bearing fruit. Or something. A few days ago Toney said, “Hey, maybe we should just do that Cracker Barrel thing…” Completely unprompted.

Yes! So, it’s already ordered and scheduled for pick-up on Thursday. For our three additional sides (it comes with stuffing and gravy), we went with mashed potatoes, green beans, and macaroni & cheese. The last one is controversial in my mind, but the kids requested it. And we went with a 50/50 mix of biscuits and cornbread. I guess I’m good with that.

So, it’s going to be a Cracker Barrel Thanksgiving at Chez Kay. Just like I envisioned it in my fantasies! …I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional. In addition, I’ve been told that we’re having pumpkin pie (blecch) and apple pie (OK). I might have to go rogue and buy an additional pie. I’m not really a fan of the gourd-based desserts, and apple is good… but fairly predictable. I might have to shake things up in the pie realm. Sam’s Club always has delicious manhole cover-sized pies for sale. Maybe I’ll check that shit out? Stay tuned for additional updates on this important matter.

Also, I’ve been to the gym two days in a row, and plan to go again today. The first day was touch and go. I didn’t really understand how to program the treadmill, and it was semi-ridiculous for the first ten minutes or so. But I got the hang of it and walked for an hour, plus cool-down (ha!).  And yesterday I went in there like some grizzled pro and took care of business with purpose and confidence.

However… I have some observations. My welcome email said I’d receive the warmest greeting ever during my first visit, followed by a tour of the facility. But the greeting was lukewarm at best. The dude was fine, but fairly uninterested and just going through the motions. And I got no tour whatsoever. He just said, “Feel free to look around…” I have no problem with any of this, not really. I don’t need a tour, and certainly don’t require a warm greeting. But I was promised both. Ya know?

Also, they make a big show of offering free Tootsie Rolls to the members. Yeah, it’s weird… But it flashes on the TVs all the time: Help yourself to a handful of complimentary Tootsie Rolls after your workout. And they have a giant bucket of the things at the front desk. So… I grabbed three or four (they’re small), and all but one were grape flavored! What in the open and shut hell?? What kind of maniac eats grape Tootsie Rolls? Why are they even in production? I’m getting angry just thinking about it.

But, so far, it’s been pleasant. It’s never been super-busy in there, but not empty either. Just right in the zone where it doesn’t feel awkward or cause my blood pressure to spike out. And the machines are modern and clean, and seemingly all in operation. And there’s a shitload of ’em. It’s good. Yesterday I was sweating and hoping my underwear wasn’t made of some kind of flammable material. Oh, around the 45-minute mark it was a like a smelting furnace in there. Pass the beer nuts.

I’m off today, just burning that PTO… So, I’ll go over and do my 60-minute walk in a little while. Then immediately go somewhere and replace 150% of the calories burned. It’s the way I roll. But I just want the exercise. At this point, that’s the goal: daily exercise. Once that’s in place, I’ll look at other things. But people tend to get carried away and attempt too much too soon. I just want to walk every day. That’s the entire goal.

And finally, remember how I was scoffing at the idea of a major snowstorm in mid-November? Well… there are updates on that story as well. In fact, I did a full 30-minute Jeff Kay Show on the subject. You can check it out here, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can see that the episode has already received a rating of 8 out of 10 by Mike L. who offers up the world’s most uncomplicated podcast reviews. …He’s tough. He gave one episode a 6. It nearly ruined my day. But I’m happy with an 8. It gives me room for growth but isn’t low enough to crush me.

In any case, Thursday was The Longest Day. As one of the great philosophers once said, it sucked all the dicks. Check out Episode 39 of the podcast for the gory details. Episode 39! How’s that possible? Anyway…

I’ll leave you now with the simplest of Questions. What did you have for lunch today? Or what are you planning to have? I have a mid-level hankering for Chipotle (chicken bowl with white rice, black beans, mild salsa, corn salsa, sour cream, and shredded cheese). What do you have on this? Bring us up to date, won’t you?

And I’ll be back on Thursday, before the feast. Or maybe Friday. We’ll see how it goes. I might be too excited to type!

Please don’t forget to pass through one of our Amazon links if you’re planning to do some online shopping over the next few days. Just click through any of them, like the one at the bottom of this update, and shop as normal. It’ll cost you nothing extra but will help me a great deal. It’s much appreciated.

Have a great one, my friends!

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Snow is on the way, apparently. Fantastic. Isn’t it a bit early in the season for this kind of madness? If it starts getting crazy out there, I might be taking another day off. Know what I’m saying? I have a 36-mile ride and am in no mood for “adventure.” We’ll see how it goes.

A couple of night ago I joined Planet Fitness, through their website. Ironically I was eating a delicious apple cider donut while doing it. However, as I type this, I still haven’t actually set foot inside the building, and don’t really know where it is. Feel the burn!

Also online, I was reading about the various offerings for pre-cooked and ready-for-pickup Thanksgiving dinners at Cracker Barrel. They have one that is extremely tempting.  It feeds six and features all the must-haves: turkey, ham, cornbread dressing, turkey gravy, cranberry relish, choice of three additional sides, choice of bread. Feeds six, for $68. I mean… that sounds almost too good to be true. No ripping apart the kitchen… no arguing… everything’s super-good…

Have you ever gone that route? Not necessarily Cracker Barrel, but just farmed out most of the cooking to a third party? How’d it work out for you? I don’t think it’s going to happen for us this year, ’cause Toney already has plans in motion. But I’d be willing to go all-in on it after Thanksgiving 2018. The picture at the top is directly from the Cracker Barrel site. Man, that’s good stuff.

Of course, you’d have to supplement with a lineup of pies. I’m not really a fan of pumpkin pie, and I’m definitely not a fan of “punkin'” pie. But I like many other pies, including apple, cherry, lemon meringue, blueberry (yum!), chocolate cream, and (controversial!) coconut cream.

On my “no thanks” pie list you’d find pumpkin, pecan, sweet potato (blecch), and peanut butter.

What do you have on this? And I’m talking about dessert pies… not chicken pot pie or those Euro meat pies. Sheesh. You know what I’m talking about. What goes on your Yes! list, and what goes on your No Thanks list? Specifically in the realm of pies.

What are your Thanksgiving plans? Do you travel? Do you do all the cooking? My parents are in Florida already, and Toney doesn’t talk to ol’ Sunny anymore. In fact, it’s been seven or eight years, I think. So, it’ll just be the four of us, and everything will be cooked in our kitchen, which might lead to arguments and all manner of unpleasantness. Or maybe not. We’ll see.

I couldn’t get Black Friday off, and more importantly… the easy creation of a big-honkin’ four-day weekend. Wotta ripoff. So, I’ll be back in there on Friday. My birthday is coming up though, and I took some time off around that. Not sure why, ’cause I don’t generally participate. But I’ve got time to burn before 12/31 and figured it made sense. Right? …Hello?

Speaking of “home” I saw this article yesterday about some fugitive drug kingpin from Detroit being captured in my hometown. WTF? Another article I read about it said he was part of some kind of gang called the Detroit Boys and was mistakenly released from prison about four years ago due to a clerical error. A clerical error?! And he was barricaded inside a house on 16th Street in Dunbar, WV?? I grew up on 17th Street, and my paper route included 16th Street. I don’t care for any of it. Is it turning into The Wire down there? And by the way… that guy has to have a street name, right? No way he’s walking around with that name. Am I wrong?

And speaking of Black Friday, is there anything you’re hoping to buy this year? Not necessarily as a gift, but just for yourself? But gifts too, if you want to share. I have two items: a new desktop computer (maybe just a tower, but I’m open to a whole new setup if feasible) and some kind of stereo (not a boombox) with which to play CDs. Remember those? My computer is fairly new, but it’s a lemon. Full-blown piece of shit. It needs to be hurled deep into a landfill. And home stereos are rare these days. I’m not talking about some pulsating Bluetooth nonsense. I mean an actual home stereo. Even on Amazon, there aren’t many of them. <sigh> But I’ll be keeping my eyes open. Probably won’t buy anything, but I’ll be on high-alert. What about you.

Not sure what’s going on with the podcast. I don’t have it back yet and haven’t heard from the producer dude. I assume he’ll get it to me shortly, and I’ll post it ASAP. UPDATE: It’s up!

You guys have yourselves a great weekend!

Please don’t forget to use our Amazon links if you’re planning to do any semi-drunken shopping, or otherwise. Just click through, shop as normal, and they’ll peel off a tiny percentage of whatever you spend and send it my way. It’ll cost you nothing extra and helps me a great deal. Thanks in advance!

I’ll be back on Monday.

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Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!

Sunday morning I had to hoist my heft off the dormancy platform at the obscene hour of 4 am. You know, because of work boolshit? And it was painful, my friends. But, the thing is… I believe the dreading of it is even worse than the actual doing of it. Know what I mean? I get all whipped up, and it dominates my thoughts for several days in advance. It practically ruins the days leading up to the event. I need in-patient counseling, it’s fairly clear at this point.

Indeed, I recorded the Monday episode of the podcast on Saturday evening and 4 am is the only thing on my mind. I’m in full anguish at that point. Check it out if you’re so inclined. I re-listened to it last night and it has some funny moments, I think. Here’s the summary:

In this one, I tell you about something I’m forced to endure four times per year, and how I have a difficult time rebounding from it. I’ll be feeling this crap deep into Tuesday! Needless to say, there are many barely-related jags along the way, including an impassioned tirade about similar complaints I’ve heard which I consider to be phony-baloney. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!

I’m thinking about joining a gym. Just for a one-hour per day walk on the treadmill. Nothing more… nothing less. There’s a Planet Fitness not too far from us — 4.3 miles according to Google — and it’s $10 per month. I might give it a shot. Yeah, yeah… I know I could go out and walk around the neighborhood for free. But it’s getting cold and snowy and icy, etc. In fact, it snowed here on both Friday and Saturday. What kind of fresh shit is that?? So, the weather is a perfect built-in excuse to “take a day off,” which morphs into a month, then seven years.

It’s difficult though, to successfully incorporate something new into your daily routine. Oh, it can be managed in the short term, but the universe has a way of maintaining the normal order of things. Am I wrong? How long does it take? How many months before it’s officially a part of the routine? Twelve? Eighteen? I’m not even sure that would be a safe distance from the swaddling riffle-ass status quo. I don’t know. We’ll see.

Planet Fitness is a Judgment Free Zone, remember. Except they spell it judgement, which I don’t appreciate. What is that, some kind of Euro crap? Or just a straight-up misspelling? I could look it up, but I’m lazy. …Wait a second, I just had a burst of energy and did a Google search. They started in New Hampshire. So, the way they spell judgment is highly problematic. I assumed they were Canadian or somesuch. Maybe I should re-think this whole thing?

Finally, for the Question of the Day… Has anybody ever made an offhand comment about your appearance, which probably meant next to nothing, that you have never forgotten? Maybe it even got into your brain, and made you self-conscious for years? I remember a kid named Eric telling me I had a “huge head” when we were in fourth or fifth grade. In fact, I remember exactly where we were standing when he said it. Ha! The same thing happened to Elaine on Seinfeld. I felt her pain. The thing is… I’m fairly sure I have a smallish head, like the gentleman above. But that comment left a mark, I’m telling you. Maybe it had something to do with my hair?

Do you have anything on this? Just some stupid comment that somebody made that you carry around with you to this day? If so, please tell us about it in the comments.

And I’m going to call it a day, my friends.

Please remember to use one of our Amazon links while you’re doing your holiday (or otherwise) shopping. There’s a good one in the sidebar, and a cuppa two tree underneath each update. Just click on through, and shop as normal. It’ll cost you nothing extra, and will help me a great deal. Thank you guys!

And by the way, the Now Playing album linked below came out on Friday and I can’t stop listening to it. It’s on full perma-repeat in the subterranean bunker.

I’ll be back on Thursday.

Have a great week!

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Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!

I stayed home from work yesterday, ’cause I was sick. It’s a rare turn of events, my friends. I almost never call off, but did yesterday. Tuesday night I didn’t feel great, and yesterday I felt even worse. The moment I opened my eyes I knew I was in for a challenging day. And it was blecch. But, I went to bed at 8:30 last night and slept until 7:30 this morning, and feel a lot better. Not perfect, but better.

But, even though I was in the throes of illness, I recorded the Thursday episode of the podcast. It’s slightly abbreviated, but I got ‘er done. The show must go on. Or something.

And speaking of calling off, what do you call it? I hear all manner of variations on that phrase. Mine, of course, is the correct one. But what do they call it in your neck of the woods? Calling in, calling out, calling up, calling all cars? What?

I’m off again tomorrow, but it’s scheduled. It’s Toney’s and the younger youngling’s birthdays. And we always go out to dinner. Seafood, generally. I’m not a fan, but I don’t really have a say in it. Hopefully, they’ll have something barely seafood, like fish ‘n’ chips. We’ll see. I think we’re going to Cooper’s. Fun place, but I don’t really enjoy grazing off the ocean floor, etc. Maybe I’ll have the blowfish cutlets or the stingray casserole? Perhaps a large basket of popcorn seahorse? I’m sure I can find something.

And I was just thinking… Even though I have what many (including myself) would consider a long commute to work, it’s one of my shorter ones. In both distance and travel time.

In Atlanta we foolishly moved outside the perimeter — which is interstate 285 — and our ride to work was instantly horrendous. I mean… it took forty minutes to even get to the highway. Then it was another half-hour from there. It sucked all the ass. Atlanta had the worst traffic of anyplace I’ve lived, and that includes Los Angeles. (Over an hour)

In L.A. we had to buy way out in the desert, to be able to afford a house. The house and the neighborhood were fine. but the commute was unpredictable. Some days I could just cruise on in, and others I’d be left sitting with my car in park while listening to Cheap Trick and shouting “C’mon, you fuckers!” over and over again. (about an hour)

Here, I was originally working in Olyphant, which isn’t too far away. But now I work south of Wilkes-Barre, which is. It’s roughly 36 miles each way, mostly on the Devil’s Parkway, interstate 81. That highway is ridiculous. There’s construction 365 days per year… a metric shitload of tractor trailers traveling wildly different speeds… and “heavy loads” that frequently include houses, helicopters, carnival rides, massive windmill propellors, airplanes, ten thousand tightly-compacted chickens, military equipment, and did I mention houses? goddamn houses??…. (about 40 minutes)

The best commutes were a thousand years ago. When I worked at Fas-Chek, a grocery store in WV. I just walked over there; you could see it from our kitchen window. And when I was at Peaches Records in Greensboro, I lived in an apartment about a half-mile from work. This is very old, but you can see some of the places I’ve lived. Not sure why the Google Street View was so washed-out and shitty back then, but whatever.

What’s your commute like? Toney works from home, so she just walks down the hall. Mine is lengthy, as usual. The thing is, though… I don’t really mind it. As long as I’m moving, I find it relaxing. I like to listen music or the radio, and just spend some rare time alone.

What do you have on this one? What was your longest commute, and your shortest? Or… best or worst for some other reason? Use the comments link to bring us up to date on it.

And I’m calling it a day, my friends.

Have a great weekend!|

I’ll be back on Monday.

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Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!

Is this picture newsworthy? It was reportedly snapped at the Carolina Panthers game yesterday, and I’ve seen it two or three times around the internet already. As if it’s an unheard of turn of events. I suppose her methods are a bit audacious, but it’s not unusual for drunken women to be in the men’s room at events such as this one. The ladies room is, from what I understand, nothing but urination gridlock. Who can blame these undocumented pissers for crossing the border in search of a better life? Right?

So, I don’t find this photo to be super-surprising. Except for one thing… it appears she’s touching the porcelain. THAT gives me a full-body shiver. In fact, it appears she’s attempting to throw a complete seal on it. Great God Almighty. There’s probably so much residue, of various sorts… It’s nothing short of upsetting.

Also, if you’re going to use the men’s room, you’re going to have to follow protocol and just stare straight ahead. You can’t have your head on a swivel like that. Oh well.

What are your thoughts on this? Why is it all over the web? Just the backing-up method? That’s what has captured everybody’s imagination? First time I saw it I didn’t react at all. It barely registered. But then I started seeing it again and again like people were amazed. And that’s the part that intrigues me. Help me out, won’t you? Also, do you have any ladies in the men’s room stories or vice versa? If so, please share.

Apparently, I wasn’t chosen for that modeling job I applied for. Also upsetting… I thought for sure they’d hire me under the “exotic” heading. Exotic, in this case, being fat and old and far from memorable. I’m thinking about filing a lawsuit. I feel like my civil rights have been violated.

Also, I fell on my ass this weekend. I mean, a full-on wipeout. I exploded my left knee (still hurts) and wallowed in mud and shouted profanity in front of my house. It was quite a scene. I talk about it in the new podcast episode, if you wanna get the details on it. Listen here. I don’t fall down very often, but I made an exception this weekend. Now I’ve got a Mickey Mantle knee. Fantastic. Here’s the episode summary:

I was taking the trash out this weekend when things suddenly took a dark turn. In this one, you’ll get all the details, along with the normal lineup of barely-related jags. Then I tell you about the home plate-shaped hole in the middle of my heart, and I reveal the Totally Out Of Context Quote Of The Week. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!

On Sunday Toney and I were out and about, and she suggested we stop at Primanti Bros. for a beer and an appetizer. It’s generally a good time. They have something called fully-loaded tater tots that speaks to my white trash roots. Good stuff! And they have a lot of interesting beers too, so it’s a great option. However… it didn’t work out for us yesterday.

When we walked in there was nobody at the host station, and the place was full of inebriated people watching various football games and shouting. We stood there waiting, and nobody came. Plenty of employees saw us but did nothing to help. Finally, about five seconds before a fukkit was triggered, some guy came over and told us to follow him. No “sorry for your wait” or anything of the sort. Just “follow me.” Grrr…

He put us in a booth way off in the corner. The thing was apparently designed for children of the 1940s and the table was digging into my prodigious gut. It took a long time for a waitress to finally appear, and she was nothing if not surly. I told her I wanted to move to a different table, and she reluctantly allowed us to do so. Then she said, “What are you drinking?” I asked if there’s a beer list, and she said no. “We’re transitioning to a whole new lineup,” she said, which didn’t help us in the least. Toney took a stab at it and tried to order a Sierra Nevada. “We don’t have that,” we were informed. What kind of bullshit? She didn’t offer any suggestions or warmth whatsoever. “Dogfish Head?” I offered. “Big ones?” she asked. WTF?

We decided to go with the normal pints, and when ol’ Sally McSurlington FINALLY brought them to us, I thought the worst had passed. I was, however, wrong. I snapped this photo, and posted it to Instagram. I was so optimistic at that point…

As we sipped our beers and waited for somebody (anybody!) to come take our food orders, that same dude attempted to pawn off that ludicrous booth to other people who didn’t want to sit there either. I saw him and a waitress roll their eyes at each other because three women wanted to move somewhere else. So, the waitstaff was unfriendly and openly mocking and ridiculing the clientele at this point. Also, the beer tasted old and semi-skunked.

We ordered chips and queso, and that was good. Very good, in fact. And eventually, a new waitress started helping us for some reason. She was nice. No problems with her. I guess the original woman washed her hands of us? She was still there, so who knows? I viewed it as a win. That first one was headed for a 40 cent tip, at best.

Then somebody went into one of the bathrooms, which were RIGHT THERE, took a three-alarm dump, and the stench began wafting deep into the restaurant. “Are you kidding me??” I was shouting. I couldn’t believe it. Still can’t. Chips… queso… skunked beer… and the essence of a recent and extremely pungent bowel movement. It was magic!

So, there you go. That last part was out of their control, I guess. But the rest of it wasn’t. Not sure if we’ll be returning any time soon. The way the waitstaff was behaving pissed me off. They’ll drive the place straight into the ground with that crap. Ya know? There are plenty of places to eat and drink. It was not fun, my friends.

And I’m calling it a day. Don’t forget to use our links if you’re going to do any business with our Amazon overlords this season. The links are all over the site, including underneath every update, and in the sidebar to the right. Thank you, guys! It’s much appreciated.

I’ll see you again on Thursday!

Have a great day.

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Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!