Big Snow, Public Houses, and Brockly
It’s snowing like a fancy bastard up here. Supposedly we could receive up to twenty inches of the stuff before it’s over. Twenty inches! And to add to the fun, the wind is starting to get cranked-up, and the electric company is doing damage control on the front-end, and telling everyone their power could very well shit the bed.
Fantastic! I don’t really mind the snow, but I’m not really a fan of the no-electricity scenario. What will we do, read by candlelight like Bucktoothed Scout on the Prairie, or whatever? Will I have to write these updates with coal on the back of a shovel, like Abraham Lincoln?
I can’t have that.
Yeah, everybody’s home today, because of the weather, so it’s fairly “active” in here. And Toney wants to clear the driveway at exactly 3 o’clock (I’m sure she has her reasons), so I’m going to have to keep this one brief. Chaos reigns at the compound.
A couple of weeks ago Surf Reporter Grady sent me an email, asking for advice on pubs and beers in London. I could’ve sent him 10,000 words on the subject, but restrained myself and sent him a few brief and highly biased opinions.
And now he’s sent me two Smoking Fish sightings, inside one of my recommended pubs and alongside one of my recommended beers. Check it out. Very cool.
I wanna go back to London, I really do. And this only fires me up more. We’ve got to make it happen; it was our Best Vacation Ever.
Thanks Grady! I hope you guys had as much fun there as we did.
And now I’d like to ask you guys for your help with something. A few days ago I was having a two-second spelling crisis, with the word broccoli. For some reason I kept wanting to give it one C and two Ls, instead of the other way around. I realized it was wrong straigh’ away, but it made me wonder…
Why does it have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t it just be spelled brockly? That’s the way most of us pronounce it, so why not just make it easier on everyone and change the spelling to something more logical?
In fact, we should do a full inventory of our commonly-used words, and adjust the spelling where necessary. What do you think? Are you with me on this?!
Good. I’ll start the ball rolling with a few off the top of my tiny Duke head, and you guys can take it from there. And here they are:
- brockly
- tenna shoes
- Wenzday
- wot?
Now it’s your turn. Please join me in straightening out this English language mess, won’t you? Use the comments link below.
And I’ll see you guys next time, whenever that happens to be. Holy crap in a Bundt pan! It’s snowing on an uphill slant out there!!
Have a great day, boys and girls.
Filed under: Daily
first muthas!
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and again
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TWO!!
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Top Three – now to read
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Aw dammit – but technically still third
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5?
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Febrewarry
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Sounds like Theodore Roosevelt’s attempt at “Simplified Spelling”, stuff like “dropt” and “thoro”. You’re only about a hundred years late!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simplified_Spelling_Board
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There is a local commercial/mini-infomercial where the owner of a chimney sweep company says “Chimley” over and over! I couldn’t believe it at first and was drawn in, only just to confirm that I heard him correctly.
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Happy Thursday, Surfers!
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
Spell ‘em like they sound, eh? Well…..
skeen (skiing)
baskabawl (basketball)
Frizbe (Frisbee)
slawme (salami)
peprowni (pepperoni)
parmazhan (parmesan)
Cadlack (Cadillac)
Kahmaira (Camaro)
Corevet (Corvette)
Labadoor (Labrador)
Retreever (Retriever)
Boredoor Cawly (Border Collie)___ Hi Andy!!
Sinsinatty (Cincinnati)
Miniapplus (Minneapolis)
Bufflo (Buffalo)
Don’t know why I stuck with group themes….
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Word to the wise from a survivor down here in Bawlmer (the real spelling of Baltimore. Just ask the locals), where we have had 80 inches of snow this winter. Charge, charge, charge!!! While you still have electricity, keep your cell phones, laptops, etc. on their chargers. And charge any extras you have.
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junkfood-Now wot are we supposed to do the rest of the weekend? wotta killjoy!
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So, Teddy and I think alike? Bully!
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I’m just glad English is my first language. I kinda feel sorry for people learning it as a second language. I’m sure it’s confusing.
I’m also glad I live in Phoenix and don’t have to deal with snow.
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YELLA seems to be the only thing that pops in my head right at the moment. I don’t actually say yellow like that but my family does. Kind of drives me crazy. they also say Wendsdee instead of Wednesday. darn Hillbillies.
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Yingling
Yagermyster
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Before Jason gets to it:
felfeeta (Velvetta)
fagynah (vagina)
penis (peanuss)
rahlee (Raleigh)
feanix (Phoenix)
indyanaplis (Indianapolis)
wershessher (Worcestershire)
nuyark (New York)
microsoft (damn f’ckin blue screen)
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I have no opinions on anything today! I just got a job! After a year of unemployment (by choice) I got a job that I was really hoping for!
Why am I telling you? Hell I’m telling everybody!
Woooohooo!
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off the top of my head…
hoo
wair
wut
Fluffya (Philadelphia, if you are a native)
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kew (queue)
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LOL @ “chimley” and “yella”. My family (but not I) say “Wenzdee”, too. They also say Colorada, winda (window) and livawish, as in “you wanna livawish sammich”? Oh, and “sammich.”
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And congrats to Jorge! WTG!
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Congrats, Jorge! Or shall I say Hor-hay….
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Yay!!! Jorge!!!!
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Some you people pronouce words weird…maybe you can start saying them as they are written rather than trying to rewrite them…
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Hey Jeff,
How about a new picture of the snow from your deck? It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Whenever it stops snowing, don’t go out there now, for God’s sake. Stay near the beer.
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Excellent, Jorge – glad to hear your happy news.
fukkit should be a word.
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I hope your luck rubs off on me Jorge. I got laid off last Febyuwarey and decided to say fuck it, how often do you get to take a year off in your adult life that isn’t related to being injured or sick?
I’m getting ready to attempt to rejoin the work force soon.
I can’t lie, this has been one of the greatest, most relaxing years of my life.
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worshin’ machine
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My 4th grade daughter is in spelling hell right now. English makes no fookin’ sense since (see what I mean?) it’s all a big o’ meltin’ pot of every way of talking in the world. I feel sorry for her because she just has to memorize it. There are no rules that work. “I before E, except after C, oh, except for weird or neighbor or receipt.” My wife gives her shit when she’s studying for a test, “just sound it out!!” and then play devil’s advocate and fuk it all up.
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and then I play devil’s advocate.
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Congrachulashuns Jorge!
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Rock on Bones!!! I totally agree. We just need to streamline the system a little.
Words that are pronounced the same but spelled differently like yellow&hello need work. We need a consensus, either yello and hello or yellow and hellow.
Don’t get me started on words that are spelled the same but pronounced differently. Like read and read.
And why do e say I, and its spelled I, but we say U and its spelled you, that’s stupid.
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Welp, I can tell you Pixburgh has a langwige all it’s own, an’at. Just ax any Stiller fan and they’ll tell yinz. We love our Irn City beer and unyun’s on our peroggies.
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Oh….and Jorge…WAYTOGO dude!
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One of my favorites -phlegm- who the hell came up with that ? It’s now flem .
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One that I am guilty of saying is Cotta cheese, instead of cottage cheese.
Have you noticed that in most commercials on TV, at least the national ones – not local, the people speak with no accent. Same with the national news cast people….no accent. You can’t tell which part of the country their from.
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Weigh to go Whorehey!
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Bret Farve
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Sounds like there are a lot of lazy bastards out there who drop entire syllables out of words. Is enunciation so difficult?
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I just don’t get that “tenna shoes” one. I pronounce it with full diction (dick shun), even if I try to say it really quickly.
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Jeff, if you’re simplifying the spelling, why leave in the “c” in “brockly”? Why not make it “brokly”? After all, the “c” isn’t pronounced, so let’s dump it. Or would “brokly” be mispronounced “broke-ly”? Perhaps we need an “o” with a line over it, to clarify the distinction.
By the way, I pronounce it “brokaly” (or “brockaly,” if you prefer), but the “a” sound is very short and nearly silent. But the “a” is definitely there when I say it, so I suppose I come closer to pronouncing it like “broccoli” than many people do.
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chimbley and libary drive me insane!
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I am a fan of flustrated…flustered and frustrated rolled in one. New Word!! I have great spelling, so it goes against the fiber of being to spell words wrong, this is just how they ARE.
I need a job where I just read stuff and make comments. Is that an editor?? anyone hiring?? I have a sinus and ear infuction, and fuck. that is all I can say. My head feels like shit. Plus a fever and chills and I can barely even eat.
No snow here though.
being midwestern I say stuff like “go with” and expect you to know what the hell I am talking about. When I am around my kids I swear by yelling “oh crackers!!” instead of anything else colorful.
Not sure where all that came from…must be the meds.
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@ eeyoresmama–people who say libary drive me absolutely bat shit crazy! I literally cringe when I hear it. Especially when it comes from some one who I know is an intelligent person.
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I may be the only one who still pronunces it “Odin’s Day” (wednesday).
Actually, half the time I’ll say the days in Spanish or Japanese just to mess with people.
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Ur a funny sombich, ya no dat? Hell, ebonics has been doing that shit for years!!!LOL
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@Jorge: Congratulations and good luck with the new job!!
@Brynhildr: I agree completely.
Today’s topic saddens me. I just can’t bring myself to willingly participate in the erosion of the English language, even if only in jest.
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I once met a guy named Brock Lee. Got pulled over by the cops and almost took an asswhippin because they thought he was messin with them, telling them his name was “brockly”.
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Ohio Edison/First Energy (where I work) are sending electricity help tomorrow morning in anticipation of your needs. Hopefully you won’t be one of the people who lose thier power in this new storm. We are the people that everyone loves to hate…but the guys put their lives on the line every day to keep your power on! Be nice to them!
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blony (bologna)
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the company I work for (First Energy) is sending linemen and engineers to your AREA TOMORROW MORNING. Hopefully you wont have to live without electricity and stay warm. The weather guys might be wrong! Be nice to your electrical workers…they are there for you!
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wendsday
tung
the ei rule sucks i after e except after c …..not always…….why?
Febuary
coming……. why is the m not doubled?
why isn’t the past tense of shit not shat?
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Debra — depending on where you live, “shat” is indeed the past tense of “shit”
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in college i made out/went down on a girl nick named broccoli. is that relevant?
i fuck up tomorrow and shoe. but that’s probably because of a latent fantasy about the non chimp star of Link.
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Why not get rid of all homonyms too? A significant proportion of the populations seem to be doing so already, don’t swim against the flow.
hear/here
heal/heel
brakes/breaks
they’re/their/there
Just pick one and go with it at all times. When u torque out loud we all here it the same any weigh.
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More snow fell here yesterday than anywhere else on the planet.
Its nearly up to my kilt!!
Guys, if I spelled the way I spoke, you’d be screwed, and I’d be wasting my time! (yesh i wood!)
Worcestershire= wooster. eg. ‘wooster sos’.
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I went to see Eric Clapton last night..Wow what a show.
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@Jorge congratulations on the job. Is it by chance at the foundation for the adoption of brief posts?
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Words that can be spelled with one letter should be:
be or bee or bea – B
see or sea – C
I or eye – I
in – N
oh – O
pee or pea – P
que or cue – Q
are – R
tea – T
you or ewe – U
ex – X
why – Y
you or ewe – U
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Did anbudee git funetik?
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Treh-in (capital of NJ)
Feb-yoo-ary
flem
baloney
shaw (strip of sand along the Atlantic, usually heard after “down the”)
cawfy
Ok I think I am revealing too much of a Gawd-awful regional aksent so I will stop now.
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Jason…you missed…K for Kay…..mmmk?
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Don’t you hate it when people leave the “r” off of Warshington?
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Go pound sand down the shaw, Jill! I like the way I tawk!!
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Oreegone
Newculer
Oh, and all that damn texting abbrev.
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Did y’all = Jaw
Do what? = Dwut?
Fifth and Filth = Fif
Pussy = Cunt
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suenommy
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Must a git snowed in down there in the perogie belt. eh!! Jew loose powah aslo??
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Foster: All right meow, where were we?
Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
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All of your base are belong to us.
No accent = Canadian.
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Is it likely because Canadians don’t want to offend anyone that they are accent free ? IE just ANOTHER reason to say “Sorry..”.
Everyone pretty much west of Quebec sounds the same don’t they? Sort of like Californians but with the occasional “eh” and “sorry” here and there?
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O yeauh, nu web site…klik my naam.
Enuff uv this, it is reedickyouluss. Nun of this makes any sents. Wurds git all jumbld and not enuff vowels are used sumtimes. Uther times rools of lanwuj syntax go owt the window. How the hell am I suhpost to no what the dam anybudy is sayin.
Wut do u want to du next kansl krismus? How the hell do yu spel this sine “?”. Kweschtion mark? Shwastika? Wut!?
All I wanted wuz a pee-nut butter sandwitch. And sum guy grabbed mi bawlz.
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We’re slowly devolving into LOLhillbilly. Hurry up with that update, Jeff!
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