The first thing that crossed my mind when I saw it? If I’d thought of something like that, I definitely would’ve done it! Especially ten or so years ago. In any case, this is supposedly a yearlong recap of some unknown Reddit user’s asstivity last year. As you can see, there are three possibilities: zero, one, or two shits per day. I guess that’s reasonable, but what I find to be amazing is all the BLUE days, which signifies zero. Zero shits. I don’t want to get too personal here, but my calendar would be almost 100% brown, with a smattering of red. A mere 4.1 poops per week? I don’t understand that; it’s not a world I know. Maybe he lives in Wisconsin and can’t get enough of the local cheeses? I’m unclear. One thing I can almost guarantee: he’s not a coffee drinker. Also, Thursday is poop day? What’s that all about it? It’s bizarre. I linked to this at Facebook, but people were afraid to click through. I guess they thought it was a photo gallery? Heh. Understandable. Let me know your thoughts on this important matter. Use the comments section, and I’ll see you guys again soon.
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Why? #2: I’m sure there’s some nerd-as-all-fuck reason for it, but I’ll ask anyway. Why is there a NUMBER LOCK key on the computer keyboard? What possible reason would the average person have to turn off numbers? Why not a VOWEL LOCK? Or a PUNCTUATION LOCK? Other crap I don’t understand on the keyboard: END, SCROLL LOCK, and PAUSE BREAK. I have no idea what any of that is and don’t want to know. I have a feeling it’s all a holdover from the days when computers used punch cards and that sort of thing. Am I wrong about that? Regardless, the NUMBER LOCK key is the worst of them all. It’s always getting engaged by mistake, and triggering momentary confusion, followed by fast-moving white-hot rage. Especially when I’m attempting to enter a password and none of the numbers are going in. Man, I’m getting all worked up just thinking about it.
Why? #3: At this point, in the year 2020, why does it still feel like I hear the Spin Doctors on a daily basis? They’re always out there, everywhere I go. It feels like those two or three radio hits have soaked into the universe somehow, and I just encounter it all like oxygen. I hear them in grocery stores, blasting over the PA system at gas stations, as bumper music on TV and radio talk shows… Why them? Of all the big ’90s bands the Spin Doctors MUST be the ones I hear most often. Everywhere I go… everything I do… there they are again! It’s not that I hate them (not really), I just find it curious how something like that could happen. How does such a deep, deep saturation occur? We’re not fully conscious of it but I believe we’re all living under the spell of the goddamned Spin Doctors every day of our lives. Sweet sainted mother of Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong!
