Everything was covered in ice when I left work at 1:30 Sunday night (Monday morning), and now snow was dumping on top of it. What the hell, man? I knew nothing of this; there was no prediction of such a scenario. Dammit! It looked like it might be another white-knuckle ride home.
And yeah, it turned out to be the worst of the season… It surpassed, incredibly enough, the nightmare from a few weeks ago. I’m starting to get tired of arriving home with a Charley horse in my sphincter, if you want to know the truth. No more Kegels, please! I could crimp-off a steel bar at this point.
Interstate 81, once again, hadn’t been touched. It was just natural, uncut mayhem. Vehicles were sliding all around, and even my car (which does pretty well) was responding in curious ways. Then my windshield went south on me. It started fogging up, for reasons unknown, and ice was forming on the outside. When I’d flip on the wipers, it would create nothing but a wide, arcing smear at exactly eye level.
And since I didn’t really know if I was still on the interstate, or possibly driving behind the guard rails, it didn’t help that I could no longer see.
It was a nerve-wracking ride home, which required nearly two hours to drive 36 miles. At several points during the journey I didn’t feel comfortable exceeding 30 mph, and a couple of times I got stuck behind another driver who didn’t want to risk even 20 mph. I saw several cars stuck and going nowhere. It was beyond treacherous out there.
When I finally exited the highway, I learned that the secondary roads were sucking equally. I don’t think anything had been treated, whatsoever. But at least on the interstate you could ride in the tire grooves of the people who passed before you.
I made it within two or three blocks of our house, started up a small grade, and that was where the driving story ended. I couldn’t make it up the tiny hill, so I backed down and planned to try another route. But I was bogged down now, and wasn’t going anywhere. I tried to get something going, but it wasn’t happening. So, I backed my car to the curb, or where I thought the curb might be, and turned off the engine.
And I walked home from there, at 3:30 in the morning, with a lunchbox in my hand. By the time I reached our front porch, I looked like the Abominable Snowman on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. The wind was blowing, and snow was still dumping from the sky. And I was out walking around the neighborhood.
I was totally stressed, and had three bottles of Yuengling to take the edge off.
The next morning Toney and I spent 90 minutes shoveling the driveway and sidewalk, which totally and completely sucked, and when I went to retrieve my car, I saw that it had been plowed under. There was a wall of heavy-ass, tightly-compacted snow/sludge piled against the passenger side of my Camry. Another 40 minutes of digging and shouting profanity, and I finally got the thing liberated from the snow bank.
As Iggy might put it: no fun.
Toney had her weekly marathon phone conversation with Nancy on Sunday, and there are a few interesting items to report. For one thing, they poured table salt on the concrete steps in front of their house, and it reportedly destroyed them to a point where they’re no longer safe to use. In fact, Nostrils strung up some caution tape, and they got several estimates for repairs. One was $4000!
Toney said, “Table salt?” And there was some long-winded, convoluted reason for it, which I can’t now remember. But they were trying to get rid of ice, and dumped boxes and boxes of Morton’s salt on there. Or, the food co-op equivalent, I suppose. And now the concrete is dissolved. Heh.
The neighbors already have a low opinion of N&N, because they don’t take care of their yard, have junker cars, hang their laundry up everywhere, and always have a menagerie of mangy “rescue animals.” Now they have yellow police tape strung across the front of their house, and the neighborhood folks are just being openly hostile.
Also, Nancy told Toney that she completely lost her mind a few days ago, when Nostrils came home with a box of Hostess Cupcakes, which he was planning to include in the translucents’ school lunches. Apparently she went wild, and accused Nossy of trying to “poison” their children. She told Toney that his only defense was, “They were on sale…” Why do I think that’s so funny?
Nancy then made Nostrils call the kids into the room, and slowly read the cupcake ingredients to them. Then they both explained about all the cancer-causing properties, etc., and reiterated why it’s important to only eat organic and unprocessed foods, and why “Poppa” was wrong to buy the cakes of poison.
Nostrils really needs to sac-up. I would’ve told her to go pound sand, then trim the hedges.
She also badgers him all the time, because he doesn’t exercise enough. The guy is skinny as a rail, because he eats all that horrible food, but she wants him to be constantly working out, as well. Wotta control freak.
Nancy was reportedly mocking Nossy for all the excuses he makes for not exercising, including “I have canker sores.” I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she’s beating the shit out of him.
And here’s the part that makes me mad… Nancy told Toney she thinks overweight people are “child abusers” and are guilty of “spousal neglect.” And she said (get this!), “How do you reconcile the fact that Jeff doesn’t take very good care of himself anymore? Don’t you see that as child abuse?”
WTF?? I’m certainly overweight, but I don’t look like Hurley from LOST. And anyway, what do I have to do with it? She needs to leave me out of her little crackpot worldview. Child abuse? What the crap? She’s the one who NEVER takes her kids into account when deciding to undertake yet another of her crazy-ass moves, or radical life changes. Those see-thrus are the new kids every school year, because they’re always in a new school.
By contrast… When I lost my job in 2007, we briefly considered moving to Raleigh/Durham, and decided to stay-put because we didn’t want to disrupt our boys’ lives. And Nancy thought that was just about the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. She was genuinely irritated that someone might consider their kids in such a decision. She and Toney had screaming arguments about it.
I don’t like being called a child abuser, and it’s pissing me off all over again, just writing about it. Our kids have a good life, and are talented, happy, and well-behaved. The fact that I don’t look like I just emerged from a concentration camp hasn’t hindered them at all, as far as I can tell. Nancy is quickly becoming as bitter, angry, and miserable as Sunshine. She wants to control everyone around her, and lashes out at people on a regular basis.
And I don’t really have a Question. Just comment on all the stuff above, if you want. Grrr… I’ll be back at it tomorrow.
Have a great day, boys and girls.